


A Little Something New

by rollyjodger



Series: A Little Something [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: ABDL, Age Play, Dating, Diapers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Infantilism, LGBTQ Themes, Lactation, Lactation Kink, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Love, MD/LG, Mama Regina, Mommy Kink, Mommy Regina Mills, Non-Sexual Age Play, Nursing, Nursing Kink, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, Wetting, domme regina, little Emma, mdlg, mommy Regina, sexual age play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:36:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 292,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rollyjodger/pseuds/rollyjodger
Summary: https://rolly-jodger.tumblr.com/You can ask me questions there.**Disclaimer and warning: I cannot stress this enough: if you aren’t comfortable with Infantilism, Mommy Kink, Age Play, or any other tag I have on here, you need to stop reading. Seriously. You’ve been warned. So if you don’t enjoy a story where two consenting adults are engaging in infantilism, bottle play, or nursing kink…I just checked the Swan Queen tag…there are literally almost eleven thousand fics on A03 alone to choose from. I suggest one of those, because all reading this is going to do is make you uncomfortable. And I'm not here to upset anybody or make anyone uncomfortable or unhappy. Not really my thing. However, there are a lot of people that truly love this genre, and this is for them.**When popular Domme Regina sees Emma at The Dungeon, she's instantly drawn to her. Guarded and unsure of herself, Regina sees in Emma what Emma can't see in herself: a lost girl, desperate to break out of her own chains. If Regina really wants Emma, she's going to have to break those walls down. And she's going to have to be willing to give up her Domme reputation to start something new with Emma.





	1. Dungeon

Long story short, she had lost a bet. Stupidly, too. That was the worst part of it: that she would actually agree to something as ridiculous as a drinking game to decide whether or not they came to this place. 

It was loud, it was dark, and there were things going on Emma hadn’t have even known existed. Judging by the look on Mary Margaret’s face, she hadn’t known either. But at least Mary Margaret had WANTED to come. “I’m curious!” she bubbled. “I think it’s fascinating what you do.”

“Careful, Mary Margaret,” Ruby had raised her eyebrows and smirked. “You may find more than you bargained for.”

And Ruby was right. Emma didn’t know that a dungeon bar would literally be just that: a fucking underground bar that was literally set up like a dungeon! Which wasn’t terrible in and of itself, but the women and men crawling on all fours in cages, the people sitting on the ground in leather collars and leashes, the number of grown men and women she saw sitting in somebody else’s lap as they sucked their own thumb…yeah, that was what made the bar a little uncomfortable.

This was so much different than the little get togethers that Ruby put together at the apartment. Emma wasn’t stupid. She knew that the outcome of those gatherings was people shopping to go home with someone and Play out any kink you could think of. But those people never did anything in the living room and saved their Play for later. But this…

“I didn’t think. I mean, this place…wow.” Mary Margaret stammered, sounding more curios than afraid.

Emma sipped her beer and rolled her eyes. “Yeah,” she grunted. She sat still to allow the drink to form a shell over her emotions, but she realized that she WAS afraid. And why? Nobody here was going to hurt her. Everything everybody was doing was consensual: Emma knew that much from talking to Ruby about her lifestyle. Nobody so far had even looked at them sideways, much less made them feel they needed to do their usual bar flank for each other. Everybody seemed to be having a good time, drinking, laughing, erm…spanking.

Emma took a larger sip of her beer, gulping it down. No, she wasn’t afraid. But she was…what was she? Whatever it was, she had to save her energy and not show Ruby or Mary Margaret that this was bothering her. She didn’t like showing cracks.

“Having a good time?” Ruby finally showed up with their shots she had gone to get. “Sorry it took so long. Long line. You girls okay?” she asked as she handed Emma and Mary Margaret their shot glasses.

“Yes!” Mary Margaret squeaked. “This place is fascinating!”

“See anything you like?” Ruby nudged Mary Margaret shoulder-to-shoulder, but Mary Margaret shook her head.

“It isn’t that. It’s just interesting the things that turn people on! Doesn’t do much for me, but I get the appeal.”

“Not everyone in this room is turned on. Sometimes it’s something else.” Ruby said.

“What does that mean?” Emma asked as they all clinked their glasses. Three heads pulled back as they downed their whiskey.

“Well, a lot of time it’s more emotional than that.”

Emma blinked, but didn’t ask anything more. She wouldn’t have had the chance to anyway. A hand was placed on Ruby’s shoulder, and a fourth woman entered their circle as she spun Ruby playfully around so Ruby could see who it was. As soon as she did, the squeals that came out of Ruby deafened Emma’s ears over the music. Both hugged each other, and at one point, Ruby even jumped up into the other woman’s arms.

Emma started as she saw the other woman grab on to Ruby’s thighs like it was second nature to greet each other like this, and the two kissed roughly, before Ruby was brought back down to the ground. Laughing, Ruby turned back to Emma and Mary Margaret. “This is my friend, Regina. Regina, this is Emma and Mary Margaret.” 

The woman, Regina, was a sight to see. Jet black hair brought back into a tight pony-tail, she was clad in diamond earrings and a large diamond necklace that teased at her cleavage. The dress she wore was practically painted onto her body; black leather. Her boots were up to her knees, and their heels made her tower over the others. But despite the dark outfit, her smile brought nothing but warmth to her face, and she held her hand out to both Mary Margaret and Emma, who could force only a nod from herself in response.

“Just a friend, huh?” Mary Margaret asked in that way where she tilted her head and brought her voice up to a light bird tenor. 

Regina’s smile somehow got wider, and she looked at Ruby. “Oh no,” she laughed. “Domme on domme would be a terrible idea! Just friends.” 

Both she and Ruby laughed as if this was some sort of joke between the two of them. Emma was lost, but she smiled politely.

“She’s shown me a thing or two, though,” Ruby said with surprising respect in her voice. “Regina is kind of the Domme Queen around here. She’s been doing this longer than anyone, has tons of experience.” 

“Drink your beer, dear.” Regina said to her, in a tone that Emma couldn’t tell was a joke, or an actual command. But that became very apparent when Ruby instantly shut up, and took a large gulp.  
What the hell?, Emma thought. Since when did Ruby bow down to ANYBODY’S commands?

Ruby was a domme. A very popular domme. She had a reputation in the Boston BDSM world. Of course, these were just the things she had heard from various partners of Ruby’s, who tracked through the house in the mornings looking exhausted yet giddy. Every now and then, she offered one coffee, and they told her stories. Emma didn’t mind these interactions. Sharing a house with Ruby and Mary Margaret could get crowded, but it was never boring. The people were always respectful, called her Miss (which she never argued with, but never felt earning of such a title), and seemed to be in awe of Ruby’s reputation as a good Domme in the community.

So for Ruby to put that reputation on hold for a moment to blindly follow a command from this woman, Emma knew that everything Ruby had just said was true. Of all the Dommes in this bar, she was talking to the Queen Bee.

“So,” Regina asked, “What’s with the vanillas?” She didn’t say it unkindly. Her smile was still spread on her face, and she gave Emma a wink that sent a shot through her stomach. 

“These are my best friends and roommates,” Ruby answered. “They were curious.”

“To be fair, I was curious,” Mary Margaret smiled. “Emma kinda got dragged.”

At that Regina threw her head back and gave a genuine laugh. “Oh god, you poor souls!” She looked over at Ruby. “Ruby, how could you?”

But Ruby just shrugged, and smiled as she took another sip of her beer.

“Any interest, or purely for scientific research?” Regina asked Mary Margaret again.

“Oh!” Mary Margaret through up her hands and laughed. “Scientific research! I’m engaged to a wonderful man. And we are very fulfilled.”

“And you?”

Having Regina’s attention on her suddenly stopped Emma up short. The question brought on a flash of all she had seen in the last hour, toppling through her subconscious in an invading stream of confusion and foreignness, and…what? Why did she feel so off? There was something yelling at the sidelines of her brain. And simultaneously she was telling herself to think quick! She didn’t want to insult Regina by saying something rude about her lifestyle. But she couldn’t think. A shrug was all she could muster.

“Em,” Mary Margaret leaned into her when Ruby and Regina began a conversation. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Emma breathed.

“Do you want to go home?” she whispered, showing that face of concern that she gave to Emma sometimes when Emma was quiet or moody, or couldn’t sleep. Those things happened. Often. And Mary Margaret was always the first to see it. The three had been friends since childhood. Ruby and Mary Margaret knew her better than anyone. They knew about her past, about the foster homes and the alcohol days, they knew the struggle to make ends meet before she finally landed a good job as a bail bondsperson. So, she knew that the face she was making, and the way she was acting, was sending up red flags to Mary Margaret, and she had to put a lid on that, quick. Her friends could get protective, and that made her even more uncomfortable. It made her feel like she could crack at any minute, give into the protectiveness, shrink inside herself. That was the last thing she wanted. She couldn’t lose control. It wasn’t safe. She had to play it cool. She didn’t want Ruby or Mary Margaret to know that this place was getting to her. 

Why was this place getting to her?

“I’m fine.”

“I’m going to go get us more shots.” Regina announced, pulling Emma out her reverie. “And I want you,” she pointed at Emma and gave a come hither movement, “to join me.”

“Um,” Emma stammered.

“Come, I want to show you something! The bar is an aquarium.”

Emma seemed to stand up straighter, and the worry melted from her brain almost instantly. “Really?” She’d never seen that before.

“Mhm,” Regina smiled widely again, holding her hand out. Emma took it as Regina called, “We’ll be right back!” 

“Don’t do anything crazy with her!” Ruby called, “She’s fragile!” Both Ruby and Mary Margaret laughed when Emma threw back a dirty look.

“It’s really an aquarium?” Emma couldn’t help that her pitch had gone up a couple of octaves. This would be fun!

Regina chucked, “it is.” She pulled Emma’s hand in closer to her, and Emma fell in line with Regina’s pace. “Would you do me a favor, Emma?”

“Erm, sure.” Emma said, cursing herself for not being able to get her voice under control. It kept breaking.

Regina suddenly stopped, and looked her right in the eye, the smile gone, the expression serious but calm. “I want you to take a deep breath.”

“I…what?”

“This is a completely safe space.” Regina cut her off. “You are okay here.” Her look didn’t falter as she said it, looking so sincere that Emma did not doubt how genuine the words were.  
And, oddly, that calmed her. This woman was being real with her. There was always a certain mask on the BDSM players, Emma felt. She had seen things on random porn sites, and saw the actions of Ruby’s clients just within the scope of the kitchen, looked at their faces in their house when there were parties, and she recognized that mask on Regina when they had all four been talking. But right now, Emma could not see a mask. This was a woman who was telling her she was okay.

Emma breathed out, and looked down at the beer that was in her other hand. “How could you tell?”

“That you’re overwhelmed right now?” Regina smiled and started walking toward the bar again. “If it wasn’t so obvious on your face, I would still know. I’m very good at reading people.”

Emma felt another tingling in her stomach. This was strange: a stranger was being protective of her. Something she hated to give into from her closest friends. And she was okay with it. Why was she okay with it?

“I apologize for taking you away like that,” Regina said as they reached the bar. “I got the sense you didn’t want your friends to know.”

Emma didn’t reply as Regina pointed to the bar. “Look.”

The bar indeed was an aquarium. It wrapped all the way around the horseshoe-shaped bar, and there were fish of all colors, shapes, and sizes. It glowed in the dark room, illuminating the entire bar so that Emma could read labels on bottles and watch Regina’s expression more closely.

“This is awesome!” Emma said in a giddy tone, sticking her fingers on the glass. “It’s so big!”

Regina called the bar tender to get them more shots, and asked for another beer that was the same brand as was in Emma’s hands.

“Is that for you, or are you trying to get me drunk?” Emma managed to ask, smiling at herself that she was able to allow herself to joke around.

Regina smiled, but looked Emma in the eye again. “You are also safe from me, Little One.” She winked. “While you’re here, nobody will bother you, nobody will force you into anything. You are just at a bar, having fun with your friends. A different bar, but a bar. And it isn’t my style to coax anyone unwillingly. I will not make you unsafe.”

Emma swallowed. Nodding her head, she ignored the pang that slid through her body when Regina called her Little One. She didn’t know what it meant, but she liked the sound of it.

While they waited for the drinks to be brought, a young man wearing a leather vest and a pirate hat came by them. He bowed to Regina mockingly, and smirked at her. “Hello, mistress.”  
Regina turned around, and her smile widened. “Hello, Killian! Long time no see!”

“I’m in the middle of Playmates right now. Came to see the fresh meat. Looks like you grabbed one before I got a chance,” he winked at Emma, who curled inward at the man’s looming body and dangerous smirk.

“Reel it in, Killian. She’s just here for drinks.” Regina’s reply was friendly, but there was an undertone in it that let the pirate-clad man know she was serious. 

Still, he looked Emma up and down. “Figures. You strike me as somebody a little lost in this crowd.”

“A little,” Emma allowed as Regina handed her the drink that had finally arrived and another for her to bring back to Ruby.

“Well, nice chatting.” Regina said, taking Emma’s hand once more. “But I need to get this one back to her friends.”

He bowed once again, and departed. “Are you?” Emma found herself asking as they headed back towards Ruby and Mary Margaret, drinks in tow.

“Am I what, dear?”

“In between…Playmates?”

Regina looked at her sideways, and nodded. “You could say that.”

“Is that why you’re here tonight?”

Emma wondered if the question was offensive, but Regina simply shrugged. “I come here because I have a lot of friends here. If I find someone along the way, that’s a bonus. However,” she seemed to hesitate with the next words. “I’ll not be going home with anyone tonight.”

Emma raised her eyebrows at the personal honesty, and she couldn’t help an incredulous smile. “How can you possibly know that? Those things just happen sometimes.”

“Ah, they do.” Regina laughed. “But tonight, I have my eye elsewhere.”

“Oh,” Emma said stupidly. She hadn’t a clue how to decode that, but she didn’t have time to ponder, as she was knocked into by a man with black and green eyes, clad in Elizabethan garments. He bowed to her and said, “Apologies, dearie,” and then bounced away. He had looked completely insane with his strange eye contacts, green sparkling makeup all over his face, and fancy clothes. And it occurred to Emma that while she had been with Regina, the world around her had vanished for a few minutes. She forgot she was completely out of her element.

“Idiot,” Regina glared after him. “Check your pockets, make sure you still have your wallet.”

In a panic, Emma did just that. In the process, she noticed that during the encounter, Regina had locked a protective arm around her waist, and she had even leaned into it a bit. It had been so unconscious, almost natural. Emma tried to shuffle a little further away without making it obvious. “Know him?” she asked, attempted to take the focus away from their closeness.

“Yes,” Regina puffed. “He has a very specific clientele. Medieval torture chamber.”

Emma nearly fell over her own feet, as she spat out her beer and stared at Regina in horror. “What?!”

Regina gave that warm smile and took her arm away from Emma’s waist to gently take her elbow and guide her back to her friends. “It’s all in fun, darling. But I dare say, not your style.”

“My style…?” Emma sputtered, still staring in awe at Regina as they came closer to Ruby and Mary Margaret. 

“Yes,” Regina had a secret smirk on her face. “I imagine you like things a little more…gentle.”

“You…huh?”

“There you are!” Ruby nearly yanked her drink out of Emma’s hands.

Regina reprimanded her with a swat on the butt, which surprised the hell out of Emma and Mary Margaret, but barely got a reaction from Ruby. “Manners, dear.”

Emma looked around, but nobody was paying them the slightest bit of attention. The gesture went completely unnoticed in this bar.

The rest of the night was unexpectantly fun. They laughed and had several more drinks. Emma was introduced to a number of different people, and every now and then Ruby and Regina would find a friend and wander off, but they always came back. It struck Emma that Regina had seemed to take it upon herself to play hostess for the evening. And when Mary Margaret kept leering at Emma, she grew annoyed and yelled, “What?!”

“Nothing,” Mary Margaret looked away, and Emma wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk right off her face. 

As the night drew to a close, and they all decided it was time to go home, Emma was pleasantly drunk. Staggering through the bar exit, she had both of her hands clasped around one of Ruby’s, as Mary Margaret followed suit with Emma’s jacket in her hands. Regina was not far away, and she beckoned Emma to her when they reached the exit.

Giggling, Ruby pushed Emma towards Regina, who caught her as she stumbled forward. “Emma,” she said in a voice that was so steady and soothing, Emma was able to break out of her fog for a moment to look Regina in the eye. “I’m glad I met you tonight.”

“You…you are?” she asked. Now that she thought about it, Regina had paid her quite a bit of attention throughout the night, and she couldn’t say that she didn’t like it either. But this woman in front of her, this elegant, amazingly-dressed in her leather Domme outfit, the one that they called the Queen Domme, who owned the room, couldn’t possibly have picked Emma out of everybody there that she could have had. The thought was ludicrous to Emma. But here she was.

“Yes,” Regina smiled. “I’d like to see you again.”

Emma swallowed. She hadn’t been expecting this, but she knew she’d be insane to reject this amazingly beautiful woman. There was just one catch.

“But I’m not…I mean, this lifestyle…” Fuck.

But Regina only smiled wider, and clasped Emma’s hands in her own. “I’m not talking about having you as a Plaything, Emma. May I see you again?” she repeated.

“Yes,” Emma found herself saying. 

“Good,” Regina leaned forward, and gave Emma the sweetest kiss on her cheek. It made Emma melt on the spot. Backing away slowly, she purred in Emma’s ear, “Good night, Little One.”


	2. Ruby Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I got such positive amazing responses, I decided to post a little early. Full disclosure: my goal is to update every Sunday evening, but every now and then I will post on a Wednesday. Keep those great comments coming! They are what inspire me to keep writing. Thank you all again for the kind encouragements.

**Regina: Hey Rubes**

**Ruby: Good Morning, Miss Regina! To what do I owe the pleasure?**

**Regina: You still have your little parties on Fridays at your place?**

**Ruby: Of course. Are you actually thinking of coming? You’ve never come before.**

**Regina: That was before I knew you had a cute little blonde roommate.**

**Ruby: I knew it! Don’t spoil her. She’s pure!**

Regina rolled her eyes. She could argue that bringing Emma to The Dungeon would have been a sure way Ruby could have spoiled her all on her own, but she let it be.

Dressing herself quickly for the office, she nursed her headache with a strong mug of coffee. Staying up until two in the morning and having meetings with clients just a few hours later was not working as well in her thirties as it did in her twenties.

Juggling her sub Playmates and her business clients had been getting harder and harder lately. And if Regina was honest with herself, she was getting downright tired of it. Sure, it was still fun to Play with the cute girls she found at The Dungeon, who clearly showed an interest in her and seemed to get therapy from what she provided. And it did release endorphins in her that she wasn’t able to duplicate anywhere else. But lately… she couldn’t really put her finger on it. As fun as it still was, there was a spark missing. Something that used to be there wasn’t anymore. Regina wasn’t sure if it was just her getting older, or if the Playthings were all starting to blend together and not surprise her anymore, or if it was more about drinking her coffee alone every morning and eating dinner alone every night. Maybe a mix.

**Regina: Hush. I would never dream of it.**

A few minutes later, Ruby responded. **Honey, I hate to break it to you, but that’s sort of what you’re known for.**   

**Regina: Well, I hate to break this to you but despite what you’ve heard, I have a heart too.**

**Ruby: Wait…you LIKE her like her?**

Again, Regina rolled her eyes as she took another sip of her coffee.

**Regina: When was the last time I let a potential Plaything just go on home with her friends for the evening instead of luring her to my chamber to Play?**

**Ruby: Good point.**

**Regina: So are you going to invite me to your party or what?**

**Ruby: Sure come on over. But just so you know, Emma is like a sister to me. It’s cool if you’re serious and everything, but you hurt her, you die and all that other required best friend shit I need to say.**

Regina snorted at that.

**Ruby: And one more thing. She doesn’t Play.**

**Regina: That you know of.**

**Ruby: Seriously Regina. Emma doesn’t Play. Not with a Domme anyway. She’s way too much of a control freak.**

Regina found herself smirking mischievously. She took Ruby for her word that Emma didn’t have any experience in Playing. However, she knew a Little when she saw one. Whether or not Emma was conscious of it was a different matter. In fact, it was very obvious to Regina that Emma was working herself overtime to not give in to the slightest weakness.

But Regina wasn’t going to worry herself with any of that just yet. Before anything, she wanted to get to know Emma. Those beautiful green eyes, those sweet perfectly round cheeks that formed when she smiled, the adorable look on her face when she was excited about the fish tank bar. Emma’s self-consciousness permeated off her, but Regina only found that more alluring. She kept replaying the moments when Emma stammered and said things that she regretted the next second, and nearly died of adoration. The fact that Emma had no idea how beautiful she was, no idea how adorable…well, it made her irresistible. Regina couldn’t wait till Friday.

***

It took Emma a couple of days to really shake off the vibe of that night. The feelings inside of her mixed around until she felt like she had been through an egg beater. Had she enjoyed herself or had that been the most awkward night of her life? Certainly, there were parts of it that really kept her on edge; she didn’t know how to take in all those visuals of grown adults dressing and acting like babies or animals, of humans on leashes and being pet. She certainly wasn’t comfortable with the looks and leers that she received from some of the bar-goers. And Mary Margaret and Ruby hadn’t been exactly helpful with their teasing. But then there were parts that she had enjoyed. The fish tank bar, for one. And oh yeah, the fact that the most beautiful woman in the place had paid her attention all night and had asked for her number.

It swirled and swirled as Emma kept thinking back to that night: about Ruby winking at her as if she knew something Emma did not, about the crowds of leering people and the dangerous grin of the man who bumped into them, or about the leather-clad Regina putting an arm around her waist.

So, it was a nice relief when Regina texted her half way into the week.

**Regina: Hello Emma. Having a nice Wednesday?**

Emma had to laugh as she rubbed her tired eyes

Emma didn’t sleep well. Years of growing up in the foster system, of strange men or boys making their way to her room or of random new kids being brought in in the middle of the night could do that to you. Foster kids turned out two ways from growing up like that. Either you slept like the dead out of necessity, or you never slept for the same reason. Emma was a never sleeper. She never felt safe enough. And unfortunately, even her adulthood where she was in charge and knew there were no strangers walking into her room in the middle of the night didn’t break her habit.

So Regina texting in the middle of the night didn’t disturb her sleep much.

**Emma: It’s soon to be Thursday, in fact.**

**Regina: That it is. Which means I only have two more days to see you.**

_Wait, what?_

**Emma: ???**

Emma held her breath as she waited for Regina to elaborate. It buzzed almost immediately.

**Regina: Ruby has invited me to your Friday get together. May I come as your date?**

Emma stared at her screen. Holy shit! For whatever reason, after Emma had practically tripped all over her words last weekend and made a complete fool of herself, Regina wanted to see her again.

It took extra-long for the weekend to show up. Ruby Nights, as they were called, meant a crowd of thrill-seekers, leather-clad Dommes, and shy first-timers who were being eased into the scene by a friend. There was a BYOB rule, but Ruby was the queen of hors d’oeuvres. Ruby Nights usually went the same: the rented 3-bedroom house filled up with people around 9 o’clock, their hands full of drinks. The music was turned up loud enough to not overhear conversations, and soon the alcohol loosened even the shy subs enough to find, what Ruby called their “Playmates”, for the night.

David, Mary Margaret’s fiancé, was usually present. A quiet and cautious guy with a soft smile and eyes only for Mary Margaret. They complimented each other well, and he was always very sweet with her. Ruby had a new sub every weekend. She was not the monogamous type, and was in fairly high-demand in her Scene. As Emma understood it, she was not considered extremely hard-core during her Playtime, and that widened her potentials with beginners. Plus, she was smoking hot. Most people just wanted a night with Ruby. Every now and then, eyes turned to Emma, but she was always quick to make excuses or go back to her room for the night.

However, what she didn’t know was that there was a reason no advances towards her had ever escalated. Unbeknownst to her, Ruby had set very firm boundaries to those attending Ruby Nights. Emma Swan was off limits. Any unwelcome advances towards her led to an immediate ban of the house. But this was a snippet that Ruby had kept to herself. She may have been protective of Emma, but Emma would have been the first to take offense to such blatant caregiving. She could take care of herself, as Emma had pointed out very forcefully many times over the years.

“May I join you?”

Emma looked up from her position on the couch where she had been nursing a beer, anticipating Regina’s arrival. She had been brooding for the past half-hour, promising herself that she would sound much smoother than their previous encounter, that she wouldn’t get so flustered.

The entire preparation vanished from her consciousness the moment she looked up to see Regina smiling down at her. Emma’s breath hitched at the site of her. Regina was dressed in a black leather jacket, tight jeans, and more casual boots than the last time Emma had seen her. Her shoulder-length hair was down in dark, unruly curls around her face, and she wore less makeup than the last time Emma saw her at The Dungeon.

“Hi. Yeah, of course,” Emma answered, scooting over.

Regina’s smile widened, and she sat down next to Emma.

“Can I get you a drink?” Emma asked.

“That would be nice, thanks.”

As Emma got up, she asked, “What are you drinking?”

“Got any Scotch?”

“Coming right up!”

Emma returned with Regina’s drink, and sat down next to her again. For a moment, she stared down at her lap, fully aware of Regina’s eyes on her. It only lasted a moment, but it felt like forever. God, she was an idiot. Would it kill her to say something to Regina?

“So,” Regina broke the silence first, turning Emma’s way and crossing her legs. She took a dainty sip of her Scotch before she continued. “What do you do, Emma?”

Oh, good. An easy question. Emma could handle that. “I’m a bail bonds-person.”

“So you, what, track down criminals?”

Emma nodded. “Something like that. I usually just get paid to do some light stalking, and then grab them up when I can.” _Light stalking? Really, Emma? That’s what you went with?_

Regina didn’t seem put off by the description though. “That sounds exciting.”

“I don’t know about that, but I get to make my own schedule, so that’s nice. Sometimes I work for 14 hours straight if I’m on a stakeout, and sometimes I take four days off. What about you?”

Regina took another sip. “I’m a lawyer.”

“Holy shit, really?”

Regina chuckled. “Yes. A prosecution attorney, actually.”

“And what’s that like?” Emma downed the rest of her beer and offered her hand out for Regina’s glass so that she could refill it.

“About the same. I make my own schedule, I work crazy hours. It’s paperwork, mostly.” She handed Emma her glass, and Emma whisked away to refill it and grab herself another beer. As she opened the fridge, she felt a little better. This was going much smoother than she thought it would. Unfortunately, that had more to do with Regina ignoring how idiotic she was being. _Light stalking…Jesus…_ She rolled her eyes at herself and found her way back to the couch.

Regina hadn’t moved, but when she saw Emma returning, Emma could have sworn that Regina’s eyes lit up by the very sight of her.

“I’m glad you came,” she said as she sat back down, and Regina lifted her glass to have them toast. Emma raised hers, and their glasses clinked.

“Are you now?” Regina asked, but her voice didn’t sound like she was worried about the answer. Her tone was teasing, and she nudged Emma’s shoulder with her own.

“I am,” Emma smiled. “But…”

“Oh, a but!” Regina sounded genuinely amused. Her smile grew wider, and she hung her head lower to match Emma’s posture and make Emma meet her eyes. “But what, dear?”

“I guess…why?” Emma asked.

“Why did I want to see you again?”

Emma just nodded, and Regina turned her face a little more serious. To Emma’s surprise, she brought her hand up to put a piece of gold hair out of Emma’s eyes and behind her ear. Then she leaned into her and nearly touched Emma’s ear with her mouth. “Because you are absolutely beautiful, Little One.” The breath that came with the words tickled Emma’s ear, sending an embarrassingly strong shiver down her spine, and Regina chuckled. “See what I mean? Things like that. You’re a tough girl, but so, so vulnerable. It’s irresistible. I told you I was good at reading people. But you…you’re like Shakespeare.”

At that, Emma had to laugh. “Shakespeare? Really?” the incredulity in her voice made it clear she thought that was a cheesy line, and she wasn’t at all surprised when Regina laughed at her own corniness.

“Yes, Emma. Like Shakespeare. If I study you long enough, I get the gist of the story, but there is so much story being told between the lines. I’d need to learn a new language to get it all.”

Emma turned serious for a moment and studied Regina’s face. “That’s everybody, though. Nobody is a completely open book.”

Regina gave a kind smile, the scar on her top lip stretched, and Emma shivered again at the thought of feeling that scar on her own mouth. Quickly, she shook the thought from her mind. “Yes and no. Some people are easier to read than others. And then some books are just plain boring. But you Emma,” she leaned in again, her eyes full of intensity at these last words. “Are far from boring.”

Emma cleared her throat. “So what’s your story, then?”

Regina threw her head back and laughed. “Oh no. I’m not letting you off that easy.”

“C’mon!” Emma coaxed, getting comfortable enough to return a little of Regina’s unabashed flirtation. She had never experienced anything like it before. Most people who started flirting with her right away came off far too strong. Regina had a way of being assertive yet gentle.

Regina took a sip of her drink, and they both looked up when a particularly unruly drunk bumped into the speakers and sent them crashing to the floor. Emma winced as she heard Ruby yell at the drunk and snap her fingers for him to kneel at her feet. As he approached her, Emma looked away and found an excuse to take her own very long drink of her beer.

Regina didn’t miss this at all. “Tell you what,” she said as she gently took Emma’s hand, “How about you show me around your neighborhood, and you can ask me questions.”

Emma furrowed her brows. “Around the neighborhood?”

Regina squeezed her hand slightly and winked. “It’s getting a little loud in here, I think.”

The night was brisk, and Emma found herself turtling into her sweater as Regina took it upon herself to hook her arm into Emma’s. “How long have you lived with Ruby and Mary Margaret?” she asked conversationally.

“I thought I got to ask you questions,” Emma scoffed.

At this, Regina gave Emma an endearing smile that completely threw Emma for a loop. Nobody looked at her like that. Maybe Mary Margaret when she did something particularly childish like huffed a fit at her turn to clean the dishes or when Ruby wouldn’t let her borrow her curling iron. But a practical stranger? It seemed like such an intimate way to look at someone. “You are an inquisitive little thing, aren’t you?”

“Since I was 18,” Emma decided to answer, shrugging her shoulders and hoping that the conversation didn’t get too far in depth. She didn’t particularly like to talk about her past. Even Ruby and Mary Margaret had only heard snippets. She wasn’t good at reminiscing. There weren’t many happy memories to reminisce about. And reliving some of the other experience were just downright painful. Usually, she did a pretty good job of squishing them before they surfaced. One of the side effects of this had been gaps in her memory. There were certain things she just simply couldn’t remember anymore. And that unsettled her. It was an eerie thought that your life went on without you present. She shot the uncomfortable feeling down.

“Out of the house right away then,” Regina stated matter-of-factly. It wasn’t a question.

“You?” Emma asked.

Regina nodded as she absentmindedly rubbed her free hand over Emma’s arm that was hooked with her own. Emma decided not to pull away or bring attention to it. It felt nice. “The same. I had a very dominant mother,” she started to smirk. “Naturally, we clashed. The second I was old enough, I was out. I was ready to be my own master.”

The audible gulp that Emma made had Regina giggling. “Is that what your people call you? Master?”

Regina giggled, “Sometimes. Sometimes Mistress. It just depends on what they want.”

“What do the majority of them want?” Emma found herself asking. And for the life of her, she wasn’t sure where it had come from. Was she really that curious? Did she want to know all this? Furthermore, what exactly was going on here? This was a woman who for some ungodly reason that Emma couldn’t figure out, had made it clear that she liked Emma. And at the same time, here she was being very blatant about the fact that she had numerous casual sexual encounters with countless people. Was this a normal thing for people to talk about when they were flirting? Emma wasn’t sure. She hadn’t done much flirting in her life. She had done more closing in on herself while others asserted their wishes. Sometimes they were assertive enough to win, but they were never this honest with her. They usually told her a bunch of lies at the beginning to impress her, and then she would find out later how full of shit they really were.

“Release,” was the surprising answer that Regina gave. Emma hadn’t really expected that.

“Release? Like…orgasm…?” she instantly started blushing bright red. She couldn’t believe she said it the moment it left her mouth.

But Regina was as smooth with it as everything else. She gave a tiny little chuckle. “As in a release from responsibility. They want to forget themselves. If only for a few hours. They want someone else to take charge or take care of them.” Emma visibly drew back at the statement, and the look on her face did not escape Regina’s eyes. “Does that sound so bad?” she laughed again at Emma’s expression.

Emma was stuck. “Well…yeah. I mean, no. Not on its surface. It actually sounds kinda great.”

“But?” and the tone in Regina’s voice showed genuine interest in the answer.

“But to just give that to someone. To…let go.  That’s a lot of trust.”

The look on Regina’s face almost read pride. “And that is exactly the point.”

“What is?”

“The entire Domme/sub relationship is built on trust. As a sub, you need to trust that your Domme is going to have your best interests at heart. Even when they tease you or make things scary. The point is no matter what they do, the sub should be able to trust that they are safe. Hence the term “sub”. They submit to it. And the Domme needs to trust that the sub will tell them when they don’t feel safe.”

Emma didn’t have anything to say to that. She had never looked at it that way before. Honestly, she hadn’t looked too far into anything in this world before, but she wasn’t expecting that answer.

Even so, the expression on her face showed something like true horror at the very idea of trusting somebody that much.

Regina’s smile was doting as her hand stopped rubbing Emma’s arm absentmindedly. “Come, Emma. Let’s go back inside. You’re getting cold.”

Emma and Regina spent the next hour chatting and people watching in the living room, and all the while, Emma’s head spun with wonder as to what Regina’s interest in her could possibly be. She wasn’t a Plaything, she wasn’t a sub, and she clearly wasn’t in Regina’s league. But at the same time, Regina never left her side, never insinuated she wanted Emma to Play, and even twirled Emma’s hair or rubbed her leg as the night wore on and they had a few more drinks in them.

In fact, Emma had quite a few drinks in her. She was just about to get up and get another one, when Regina’s hand came down on her knee. “I think your last drink should be your last, Emma.”

It would have been so easy, given how Emma barely knew this woman, given how nobody was her boss, to take offense to what Regina said, and even tell her exactly how wrong she was. But the tone Regina used, and the expression on her face did nothing but melt Emma to the spot. It was assertive, yet calm. A true concern showed in the corners of the words, and Emma didn’t quite know how to digest it. All she knew was that she wanted to please Regina. At the same time, she did want another drink. She laid her head back against the sofa cushions and gave Regina a blurry smile. “You think that, do ya?”

Regina’s face broke into a smile, and her hand came to tuck another strand of hair out of Emma’s face. “You are quite drunk, dear.”

“M,not.” Emma broadened her goofy smile.

Then Regina did something new. Something Emma was not expecting at all. She cocked her head to one side, giving Emma a confused look as she gently took Emma’s chin in her hand. “Oh no? What’s my name, Little One?” Her voice was dripping with sweetness.

Emma kept grinning, pretending she didn’t feel a rush go through her body at the pet name. “R’gina,” she slurred.

“What’s that, now?” Regina’s head cocked again.

“R’gina!” Emma started laughing before she leaned in, and daringly planted a kiss on Regina’s lips.

It came out of nowhere. She hadn’t the slightest clue she had the guts for that. Then again, the beer certainly did. And the more bizarre part was that Regina did not resist her. In fact, her hand that had been under Emma’s chin came up to cup her face, holding Emma in place as Regina deepened the kiss, sending a shot right through Emma’s core.

When Emma finally pulled away, she found to her delight that Regina’s eyes were still closed, relishing the feeling of her. Regina licked her lips once, and then opened her eyes, giving Emma that seducing half smirk. “Will you walk me out?”

Emma cocked her eyebrow at the question. “Walk you out?”

Regina’s smile never faltered. “Yes, dear. It’s getting late.” When Emma didn’t answer, Regina began to rub Emma’s arm once again. “What is it?”

“Nothing, it’s just…”

“Tell me,” Regina leaned in again, nearly kissing Emma, but stopping herself just before their lips touched.

“Yeah. Okay.” Emma said, clearing her throat. “I’m super drunk, so I’m probably going to regret saying this in the morning, but, well…I thought you could stay.”

This time, Regina did kiss Emma. Slow and soft, making sure that her teeth lingered just a bit on Emma’s bottom lip. “I would like nothing more. And I can’t lie and say that I’m a stranger to spending the night on the first date. But not tonight, Emma.”

Emma tried to hide the hurt on her face, and figured she was probably failing miserably. “Why?”

Regina brushed Emma’s cheek with her fingers ever so softly. “Because I really like you. And I’d rather get to know you a little better.”

Nothing had prepared Emma for that answer. She wasn’t comfortable Playing with Regina, but she liked sex just as much as the next person. And given what she knew about Regina, so did she. And in Emma’s experience, when you liked someone, you slept with them. Even though her hopes were that Regina did actually like her, never in a million years did she actually think that was the case. “You like me? Like, you aren’t just interested in sex with me?”

At this, Emma saw a shadow flicker across Regina’s face. It was so quick, but there was no mistaking it. What did that mean? But Regina recuperated quickly. “That’s right, Darling. Is that okay?”

“Yeah!” Emma said too fast and too quick. She cleared her throat and looked at Regina sheepishly. “Yeah, it really is. I mean, I like you too.”

Regina chuckled, and took Emma’s hand. “Come, Emma. Walk me out.”

When Regina and the rest had gone, Emma stared at the ceiling and tried to make it stay still. Replaying the goodbye kiss over and over in her head and kicking herself for saying things that made her seem like a desperate loser, Emma slowly faded into sleep. But just before she was completely unconscious, she felt her phone go off beside her. Half awake, she picked it up and read the screen.

**Regina: Are you in bed?**

Smiling up at the screen, Emma felt herself blushing. It was unbelievable to her that this woman, sexy as hell and clearly not wanting for human companionship, was focusing so much on her. She had half a mind to think it was a trick. She texted back.

**Emma: Yup. You?**

**Regina: Almost. Just undressing.**

**Emma: Tease.**

**Regina: You have no idea.**

Emma swallowed, and tried not to imagine what would have happened if she had gotten Regina to stay.

**Emma: I’d like to find out.**

She couldn’t believe she just wrote that. God, she was drunk. It really wasn’t like her to flirt so much with somebody she barely knew. But while she was blaming it on the alcohol, she knew deep down that this was something more. There was something about Regina that was making her act different. Making her _feel_ different.

**Regina: You will darling. But first I’d like to take you on a real date. Are you busy tomorrow night?**

Emma couldn’t help the smile that split her face. Grinning from ear to ear, she texted back:

**I’d like that.**

**Regina: Good. I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Does 5 o’clock work?**

**Emma: Yes.**

**Regina: Do you like Italian?**

Emma felt her mouth-watering at the thought. Too much beer and no food…but it was too late to eat now. Instead, she day-dreamed about amazing food with an amazing woman.

**Emma: Yes again.**

**Regina: Wonderful. I know a place. Goodnight, Emma.**  

 


	3. Chianti

Regina parked her Mercedes outside of Emma’s house and checked herself in the dashboard mirror. She had been fretting a little too much about her looks that evening and was looking forward to having her attention elsewhere.

This wasn’t like her at all. Nobody had ever gotten in Regina’s head and infected it quite like this. It was hard for her to get attached; her mother had not been a very warm person. And while her father had always showered her with love, he had died just as she was starting to get to know herself from a child into a young woman. It wasn’t that Regina was incapable of getting attached. In fact, she craved it. And she had had her little romances in college and law school: Daniel, her soft-talking and clingy first sweetheart, Robin who decided he liked stealing way more than having a steady girlfriend, and Mal who became detached just as Regina’s feelings were starting to take off. Since her trail of failed relationships, she had decided to find another avenue for her loneliness and becoming a Domme was just something that she was naturally drawn to. She liked the game, the thrills it gave her, taking control and giving someone their desires. She enjoyed hunting in the clubs and feeling wanted. It had been working for her now for over five years, even though lately that had started to wane.

But since the moment Regina had laid eyes on those sweet greens, she was struck. That flutter in her stomach only intensified when Emma opened her mouth and started tripping over her words. And she found it irresistible when Emma’s face lit up with excitement or when it froze when she was nervous. These qualities would have gone unnoticed by her since they were a dime a dozen from her subs, but Emma was the exact opposite of them. She didn’t embrace them at all. She was completely unaware of how alluring she was. And on top of it all, everything about her screamed mystery. There was something about Emma that told you right away that she had a page-turner of a story, but she was keeping it very close to her.

That was what made Emma different. She wasn’t interested in flaunting herself or falling all over Regina. She didn’t go out of her way to impress. She was just real. And Regina hoped that she could learn a bit of Emma’s story.

Doing one last check, she finally got up the nerve to walk up to the door and knock. As soon as Emma answered, all her trepidation melted away. Emma had her hair back in a neat ponytail, making her high cheekbones pop. They were stained with red from what Regina recognized instantly as shyness. This snapped Regina out of previous insecurities immediately. The intense desire to ease Emma’s nerves spread itself through Regina’s body, and she no longer gave her own nerves the slightest bit of attention.

“Wow,” she saw Emma’s jaw fall like a reflex. “You look…beautiful.”

Regina persed her lips to suppress a chuckle as she watched Emma snap her jaw back in place and turn a few shades of red darker. Every time Regina thought she could handle the cuteness, Emma threw something else at her.

“And you, my dear, look absolutely adorable.”

Emma’s brows furrowed at that, but she smiled. “Is that…a good thing?”

Regina did let herself chuckle then, and she leaned in to give Emma a sweet kiss on the cheek. “It is absolutely a good thing. Come.”

Taking Emma’s hand, she led her to the passenger door, and opened it for Emma, who crawled in with a little surprised look on her face. She was clearly not used to having a door opened for her.

When they reached the quiet little, Regina and Emma were led to a table in the back corner, where Regina made a note to walk behind Emma with a supportive hand on the small of her back. Once her fingers made their light contact, Regina could see the shift in Emma’s walk. It landed somewhere in between stiffening up and leaning into the gesture. And it drove Regina wild.

They were sat at a tiny candle-lit table and handed menus. Regina thanked the waitress as she walked away, and Regina sat suppressing her smile as she watched Emma reading the menu as if it had the answer to life itself. “See anything you like?”

When Emma looked up, Regina cocked an eyebrow at her. “I, uh…yeah. Think so.”

“Any preference on wine?” Regina kept her voice light as she watched Emma slowly ease into the conversation.

“Not really. What goes good with spaghetti and meatballs?”

“A Chianti would go nicely,” Regina answered.

“Okay,” Emma set her menu down and gave a lopsided grin.

Regina sighed inwardly. She was going to have to break this tension. She could read the struggle on Emma’s face like an open book, but she wasn’t sure what the struggle was. She held out her hand to Emma over the table. “Emma,” she said in a gentle yet assertive tone. Emma took the cue and placed her hand in Regina’s. “What can I do to make you more comfortable?”

At this, Emma’s cheeks went beet-red again, and she pursed her lips so tightly, they turned white. Her head lowered, and she sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this. I don’t date, really.”

Regina felt a rush go through her chest. “Ever?”

“Well, no. I mean, I’ve dated before! I’ve had a boyfriend here and there. But it’s been a long time, and I didn’t really…well…like them like I like you.”

Those words couple with the glow that the candle spread across Emma’s face froze that moment for Regina. She took it just to bask in the absolute perfection of this creature in front of her, and that moment would frequently flicker across her mind in the future. It encouraged her to push for more. “But that’s not all that this is about, is it?”

Those words made Emma look up, and Regina could see it in those bright green eyes that she had made a bullseye. “I guess I’ve never dated somebody that I really liked before. But I’ve also never dated somebody with…your kind of hobby?”

Regina couldn’t help it; the biggest grin spread over her face. “Oh, Emma. You are so cute!”

The incredulity swept over Emma’s features. “What? How is that cute!?” her voice raised a little bit to talk over Regina suddenly laughing, and she couldn’t help her own smile. Regina’s hand squeezed Emma’s just the tiniest bit harder, and Emma squeezed back.

Just then, the waitress came. Regina got over her giggles as she ordered a bottle of Chianti.

Finally releasing Emma’s hand, Regina held her gaze with a soft smile as the Chianti was brought over. Regina made an effort to hold the gaze until the wine was poured, and delicately swirled her glass in her hand. “For the record, most things you do are. But that aside, I’ll make you a deal. You ask me a question, any question about being a Domme, and I’ll answer it one-hundred percent honestly. No limits.”

Emma grabbed her own glass and watched Regina with an intense gaze, seeming to mull the offer over in her mind. Regina watched her take a sip of her wine as she thought. Then she said, “Okay. What’s the catch?”

“You have to answer _my_ questions one hundred percent honestly.”

She took a sip as she waited for Emma’s first question. “What do you like most about being a Domme?” she finally chose.

Regina’s grin broadened into a smile. That was an easy one. “I like taking care of people.”

Emma stared and waited, but when Regina didn’t elaborate, she shook her head. “That’s it? That’s your answer?”

“It is. I found out at a very young age that I was very good at reading people and their desires. I was able to tap into their fears and their insecurities, and somehow, I just knew what to say and do to ease that. And I found after a while that that made me happy.” She took another sip of the Chianti. “My mother was a strict woman. She wasn’t remotely interested in who I was or what I wanted in life. And I was always very critical of that. I wanted to be different. Then, somewhere along the line, I found that I could incorporate that into my romantic life. It just seemed to happen naturally from there. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was one of the most well-known Dommes in the Boston scene. All because letting a lover let go of themselves made me genuinely happy. It was much more organic than I think most people get into it.”

Emma was looking at her with an expression Regina had never seen before. She looked deep in thought, but not as troubled as she usually did when Regina noticed her closing in on herself. “I believe it’s my turn now,” Regina allowed an evil smirk to cross her face. She reveled for a moment in those huge eyes growing larger.

“Okay,” a shaky voice let out.

“Why does my being a Domme make you so uncomfortable?”

Emma took no time at all to open her mouth, but Regina put a hand up to silence her, “Before you answer, remember our deal. Be honest.”

As she suspected, Emma closed her mouth and spent a moment considering her words. “Well, I’ve never dated a Domme before…” Emma started to say, and then stopped. The timber in her voice left the sentence open as if she hadn’t meant to finish there.

“But that’s not why, is it?” Regina finished for her.

Emma’s shoulders visibly sagged as she finally looked Regina seriously in the eye. “No.”

Before anymore could be said, the waitress returned and asked them for their order. “Do you still want the spaghetti and meatballs?” Regina asked Emma before ordering for herself.

She saw Emma gulp and nod. “Then a spaghetti and meatballs, and I’ll have the duck ravioli.”

When the waitress walked away after writing down their order, Regina turned back to Emma. “Go on,” she coaxed gently.

“Okay,” Emma said in a very breathy tone. “Here’s the deal. I’ve never been good at being close to people or talking about myself. I’m not good at control. I mean, I’m really good at control. In like, I don’t give it up easily. And that’s hard because a lot of times, I feel like I just want to let it all go. And that really doesn’t happen very often. Like, ever. But for whatever reason…with you…”

Regina watched as a pained expression came over Emma’s face. She felt a pang of guilt at the idea that she was the cause of that beautiful little face twisting in confusion.

“Hey,” she took Emma’s hand in her own, and gently rubbed her thump along Emma’s wrist. “What was my promise to you when we first met? Do you remember?” she kept her voice even and soft.

Emma took a much-needed breath. “You said I was safe.”

“I told you that _I_ would keep you safe, didn’t I?”

Emma’s only reply was a nod.

“I meant that, Emma. I’m not interested in forcing anything on you. I’ve had a hobby I’ve enjoyed for a long time now, but I’m not one of those individuals who refuses to date if we aren’t Playing. I promise you right now: I will never ever force my lifestyle on you. Can you trust me?”

Emma nodded once more, but Regina knew that Emma’s largest issue was trust itself. Emma was not the type to have faith in just anyone. Regina gave Emma a smile that tried to say she understood that, and finally let go of her hand. “However, I think you and I both know that isn’t exactly what you want either.”

Their meal was brought to the table, but Regina did not miss how stiff Emma’s body had gone at her words. She didn’t even acknowledge her dinner’s presence. Sighing, Regina took the bottle of Chianti, and filled Emma’s glass. Emma reached for it, but Regina slid it away and towards her own plate. “At least eat some of your spaghetti before your second glass,” she winked at Emma, who again turned beat red.

Emma grabbed her fork and began twirling a glob of spaghetti, but before she took a bite, she said, “Okay, my turn. What did you mean by what you just said?”

Regina cut one of her ravioli in half and took a very delicate bite as she watched Emma struggle with how much spaghetti to twirl onto her fork. Jesus, this girl was killing her. She washed her bite down with Chianti. “You said it yourself. You must be in control, but you also want to be able to let it go. Can’t and won’t, or want and need, are two very different things, Little One.”

Regina snuck a peak at Emma, who had given up on the spaghetti, and was tearing into a meatball with her fork. She saw Emma pause ever so slightly at her words but play it off by taking a bite of her meatball.

“That doesn’t necessarily mean I want to be tied up.”

Regina smiled. “No, it does not. I’ll point out that so far, I haven’t said much of anything about what I do when I Play. You’re the one who is giving examples.”

Emma bowed her head, “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be offensive.”

Regina smiled wide as she slid Emma’s wine glass back towards her. “I know. You are absolutely fine. Like I said, I want us to be honest. But it’s my turn.”

Emma gave a “yikes” expression that made Regina giggle. That seemed to relax Emma a bit while she gave her spaghetti another try.

“Why are you so afraid of opening up?”

That made Emma stop her playing with her fork, and she sat back in her seat. “Oh boy, that’s a loaded question.”

Regina smiled. “I know. Take your time.”

Emma gave a giant sigh. “Okay, so you had a mom that was really hard to connect with and all that, but I didn’t. I didn’t have a mom that was anything. Or a dad.”

A pang hit Regina’s chest. That was not an answer she was expecting.

“So really, since I was little, and I mean like baby little, I had to look out for myself. I went from group homes to foster homes and back like a ping pong ball. The only thing any of them had in common was that none of them gave a damn about me. There was no Christmas or vacations or help with homework. There was nobody who cared when I was sick or hurt or just plain scared. You don’t get attached in the system. If you do, you’re in for a world of hurt.”

With every word, Regina could see Emma getting more and more upset. Her voice was rising, and her breathing was more labored with each sentence. Regina involuntarily shook her head, and threw both hands out over the table, grabbing Emma’s with more force than she had before. “I’m sorry, Emma.” She said it so softly, she saw Emma come back to herself a little bit and her shoulders relax ever so slightly. “I didn’t mean to upset you. If this is too hard for you, we can change the subject.”

“It’s not that,” Emma said as she allowed her hands to be held. “I…wow,” she blinked hard and took a deep breath. Regina recognized with horror the expression on Emma’s face: she couldn’t believe that those words had come out of her own mouth.

“You’ve never told anyone what you just told me, have you?” Regina asked cautiously.

“Um…no. I guess not.”

“Ruby or Mary Margaret?”

Emma just shook her head. “I mean, they kinda already knew. I’ve been friends with them since middle school. There was never any reason to talk about it.”

Regina pressed her lips together and squeezed Emma’s hands before letting go. “Thank you, Emma.”

Emma blinked up at her. “For what?”

“For sharing that with me. That couldn’t have been easy.”

The look on Emma’s face twisted into a strange type of surprised expression. “It just sort of…came out.” Regina hid her smirk behind her wine glass as Emma’s eyes narrowed. “You’re too good at this,” she said in a playfully accusatory tone.

Regina laughed as she winked at Emma. “Guilty as charged.” She finished off her plate as she watched Emma chewing quietly. “Would you like desert?”

As she expected, Emma perked up immediately. “Do they have tiramisu?”

Regina suppressed the laugh that wanted to escape her. She had a hard time of it; Emma was irresistibly adorable when she got excited. It brought those heavy walls down quickly, and Regina got to peek into the window that was Emma’s soul. “The best,” she said, calling the waitress over. “One gelato and one tiramisu for desert, I think.” When the waitress left, she gestured to Emma’s plate. “Finish a bit more though. At this rate, you’ll have had more desert than dinner.”

Emma complied quietly as she wiggled in her seat, obviously eager for the desert order to show up. “So,” Regina said after finishing off her second glass of Chianti. “What do you say we pause the question and answer portion and talk about something else?”

Emma’s face visibly relaxed, and she nodded as she swallowed a forkful of spaghetti. There was the tiniest bit of sauce on the corner of her mouth, and without hesitation, Regina reached over the table to swiftly wipe it away with her napkin.

“Thanks,” Emma said as she blushed.

They talked about work and Ruby Fridays and compared favorite movies and books. Emma shared a few stories about Ruby and Mary Margaret and her when they were kids. Regina shared a few stories about her sister, including a few of their more hilarious fights.

Zelena lived in New York, but she and Regina talked pretty much every day. They had had a very strained relationship growing up. Zelena was much older and was much wilder than Regina, who spent the majority of her childhood overachieving and having a close bond with her father. However, nowadays, Zelena was her best friend. In fact, Regina had very few friends outside of The Scene. Katherine was a fellow Domme that she got along with very well, Killian Jones was conceded but funny and kind, but there were never very in-depth conversations about life and love with the two of them.

“Is that weird, having the only person you’re close to so far away?” Emma asked.

Regina shrugged. “Yes and no. I’ve always been more of a loner, and I work a lot. We see each other as often as we can. I honestly think the distance it is what keeps us so close. It works that way sometimes. Do you have any siblings?” She hoped the question wouldn’t take Emma back to a darker place, and she relaxed when she saw Emma shrug nonchalantly.

“If I do, I don’t know about them. Besides, Ruby and Mary Margaret are as good as sisters to me.”

The rest of the date was so normal, that Regina had to laugh at herself. She hadn’t had a normal date since Mal in law school. The idea made her giddy, but she held her composure for Emma, who was clearly still on edge magnified by a sugar high from her devoured tiramisu.

As Regina pulled up to the drive of Emma’s house, she quickly unbuckled and held her hands up to Emma. “Stay there!” she insisted, and swiftly ran around the car to open the door.

Emma let out an audible laugh. “Wow. Thank you,” she busied herself with tucking a lock of fallen hair behind her ears as Regina closed the door for her.

“Of course. I asked you out on a date. I wanted to do it right. To be honest, it’s been a long time for me.”

“Me too,” Emma said, licking her dry lips.

Regina held her arm out, and Emma took it. They walked slowly up to the door. “So, have I scared you off? Or would you like to do this again?”

Emma chuckled. “You didn’t scare me off. I had a really nice time, and I would like to do this again. Regina?”

“Yes?”

They had reached the door, and instead of taking out her key, Emma turned to Regina. “This is going to sound super weird, but…well…you aren’t really what I expected you to be.”

Regina cocked an eyebrow. “And what is that?”

“Well I thought…and again this is going to sound weird because I don’t know anything about it…that maybe you’d be kind of demanding and maybe…ah, shit. I don’t know.”

Regina let herself smile as she watched Emma fumble with her words. “May I attempt a translation?”

“You might as well, because I’m drowning here.”

Regina chuckled. “You really like me, but you’re apprehensive about the fact that I’m a well-known Dominatrix. One reason being that you really don’t know anything about what a Dominatrix does, and two because you’re very guarded and not used to trusting to anyone, much less submitting to them. Therefore, you aren’t sure how this is going to work.”

The stunned look on Emma’s face made it very hard for Regina to keep her amusement under wraps. “Uh, yeah. Nail. Head. You hit it.”

“Well then let me ask you something, Emma. Did it bother you at all tonight when I ordered your dinner for you, or took away your wine until you ate something, or wiped sauce off your face?”

If Regina thought Emma looked stunned before, then what she was looking at was a positively floored individual. “I…no.” Her voice at the end fluctuated up to express true surprise in her realization. “No, it didn’t. It actually made me feel kinda special.”

Regina responded by stepping in closer, and brought a hand up to Emma’s face, caressing her cheek with her thumb. “And that, Sweet Girl, is all I want. For you to feel special. Because you are,” she whispered as she inched slowly to press her lips against Emma’s.

Emma’s lips tasted like the Chianti and a flavor that was all her own. They formed perfectly around Regina’s she pressed in further, opening her mouth the tiniest amount to test Emma’s reaction. She gave right into it, and Regina slipped her tongue to graze Emma’s top lip. A barely audible moan escaped Emma’s throat, and Regina almost buckled at the shiver the sound sent through her body. She pulled away then and waited for Emma to open her eyes. When she did, they were ablaze with what looked like a mixture of lust and apprehension. “May I see you again?” she said breathily, just then realizing how they both had begun breathing a little more roughly than normal.

“Yes,” Emma nearly moaned out, dragging her tongue across her lips as if to savor the taste of Regina’s. Jesus, this girl would be the death of her. “I take it you don’t want to come in for some coffee?” Emma asked.

“I do,” said Regina.

“But…” Emma said, and a little smirk crawled up the corner of her mouth.

“But we both know that if I come in that house, I’m not leaving until morning.”

“Exactly.”

“Emma…”

“Right. You’re right,” Emma said as she began fishing in her jacket pocket for her keys.

Noting Emma’s sulkiness, Regina stepped forward once more and put a hand on Emma’s waist, the other under Emma’s chin to make her look right at her. “What’s my promise to you, Emma?”

“You’re going to keep me safe.”

“That’s right. As much as I’d like to come in, I don’t think you’re really ready yet. I want you to trust me first. Is that okay?”

Emma blinked in genuine surprise. Regina realized she was doing a lot of that this evening. And that is when it occurred to her: nobody had ever treated Emma this way before. Ever. Nobody had ever taken Emma out and treated her well and told her she was special and then _didn’t_ take the opportunity to jump into her pants.

Regina felt a pang of hurt not for the first time that night. And then something else came over her that she wasn’t used to. Confusion. What was this investment she suddenly had in this girl from the club? Did she think she was adorable the moment she laid eyes on her? Yes. Did she revel in Emma’s awkwardness and downright dorkiness? Absolutely. Was she captivating and interesting and a mystery Regina wanted to solve? Damn right. But suddenly Regina found herself in another emotional pool than she had been before the evening had begun. Without realizing what she had been doing, she had already made the decision that Emma was going to be very different than any of her relationships before. She wasn’t interested in conquering her like a sub, and she wasn’t just interested in a reprieve from The Scene by dating for a while. No, that wasn’t it. This girl, this Emma…she had somehow managed to wrap her little fingers around the strings of Regina’s heart.

“Yeah,” Emma answered, snapping Regina out of her own bewilderment. Looking at Emma now, Regina could see insecurity, but also a hopeful glimmer in her eyes. Not hope that Regina would change her mind, but also hope that Regina was truthful with her words.

Regina gave Emma the warmest smile she could muster and brought her closer. This time, when she went in for the kiss, Emma met her halfway, and her lips were already eagerly parted for Regina. Smiling into the kiss, Regina was much more forceful than the first time, and when she pulled away, Emma’s breathing had sped up again, and Regina put a runaway strand from Emma’s once neat ponytail back behind her ears. “Call you tomorrow?”

Emma smiled, “Please.”

“Goodnight Emma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! See you next Sunday.


	4. Want and Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! I may just have a present for you this Wednesday, as that is when the plot will start to thicken. I want to start by saying a huge thank you to all that have been supporting me. I've been holding off on this story for literally months because I'm not good at sharing, but you have all been so incredible. Thank you for the awesome comments and kudos! They keep this story going!

“Don’t take another bite of that cereal until you tell me every detail!” Mary Margaret scolded Emma as she glared at her from the other side of the table. She was brooding over her coffee as she stared Emma down.

“Jeez,” Emma said with a mouth full of Fruit Loops. “Give a girl a minute.” She hid her smile behind her spoon as she watched Mary Margaret’s eyes narrow at her.

“Emmmaaa,” Mary Margaret whined. “You’re killing me! Just tell me if you kissed,” she perked up strait in her chair and looked at Emma hopefully.

Emma had to laugh. Mary Margaret sometimes reminded her of a bird with how she twittered about. “We did.”

“I knew it! Yay!” Mary Margaret squeaked.

“What’s yay?” Ruby walked into the kitchen looking far less perky than Mary Margaret. Ruby was not a morning person, particularly on the weekends when she worked late shifts at the diner and then topped the night off with a Playmate. She was solo this morning, and her mood wasn’t any better for it.

“Emma and Regina kissed!”

Emma watched Ruby out of the corner of her eye. Ruby had a strange smirk on her face as she poured herself some coffee from the pot. “Is that it?” she asked.

“Yes,” Emma answered, finishing off her bowl and getting up to pour herself a cup of coffee.

“Really?” Ruby’s smirk vanished, and she whipped around, giving Emma a genuinely surprised expression.

It made Emma laugh nervously. “Yes, really. Why?”

“Nothing, it’s just that…” Ruby stopped and tapped her mug with a finger.

“Just that what?” Mary Margaret asked from the table. The tone in her voice had turned down as she and Emma looked at Ruby.

“I guess she meant what she said, is all.”

“Who, Regina?” Emma asked, intrigued. “Did you and Regina _talk_?”

“She texted me to see if she could come over on Friday. She said she really liked you. I didn’t think too much of it because, well, it’s Regina.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Emma furrowed her brows at Ruby.

“Look, Regina is Queen Domme for a reason. She’s very good at what she does, and as far as I know, she doesn’t do anything with anyone outside of her Playroom. She’s not known for getting attached.”

“I’m confused, is this a good thing, or a bad thing?” Mary Margaret asked.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing, because I’ve never heard of The Queen dating.” Ruby answered. “If Emma really likes her, I think it’s great.”

“Do you?” Mary Margaret had fluttered to full attention again, staring at Emma with huge hopeful eyes.

“I…” Emma’s mouth hung open as she took in what Ruby said. “…have somewhere I need to go. Think I’ll go get ready,” Emma walked herself and her coffee out of the kitchen and to her room, her friends glancing at one another as they watched her go.

She closed her bedroom door and pressed her forehead against it, taking in a huge sigh. What the hell was she doing getting involved with Regina? This woman wasn’t just way out of her league, she was too good to be true. Ruby was right: Regina didn’t date. She dominated people for a night and then went on to the next conquest. Why would she suddenly change for Emma, the girl who nobody had ever wanted?

Well, now that she had told her friends she was going out, she might as well see if she could go track down her latest court-skipper. Or maybe she’d call Regina…she felt a pang in her chest just at the thought. She was already starting to get familiar with this hopeful feeling mixed with apprehension when it came to Regina. It confused her, made her brain fuzzy. She needed a breather.

It would be a good idea to get out of the house and away from prying roommates anyway. She put her coffee down and got dressed.

***

“You are, by far, the world’s most annoying sister.” Regina sighed as she busied herself with paperwork with one hand, the other holding the phone up to her sore ear. Zelena had been assaulting it for the past half hour, draining Regina of every detail.

“Oh please,” Zelena scoffed. “Have you told Mother yet?”

Regina stopped what she was doing and looked at the phone as if it was Zelena herself. The look was not pleasant. “Have I told mother.” It was a deadpan sentence, not a question. “Did I call Mother this morning and tell her that I went on a date. And kissed the girl goodnight. And didn’t throw her in my Playroom to have my way with her. Sorry, sis, it must have slipped my mind. Why don’t you and I hang up now so that I can call her. And then her and I can go out for tea and have more fun girl talk.”

“Ugh! Don’t start with that ‘I’m so pitiful because I don’t get along with my mummy’ routine, it’s sooo boring!” Zelena’s British accent from her days in primary school was shining through. Zelena had been a very gifted child, and their mother had insisted on her going to a public school in Cambridge. Regina blamed part of the reason they didn’t get along so well as children on this little fieldtrip that Zelena had taken. The distance England had given Zelena from their mother had made their relationship much better than the relationship Regina had with her, and the culture clash sometimes reared its ugly head. But despite their differences, there wasn’t anyone in the world Regina enjoyed more than her sister. She was fiercely loyal and was the only person Regina could go up to bat with in a war of words.

“Remind me why I talk to you again?”

“So how did it end? Did you tell her you want to see her again?”

“I did. Why are you so interested in this? You never grill me about my Playmates.”

“Who cares about your stupid Playmates?! You have a new one every week! But you haven’t been on a date since…well…Mal. What was that, five years ago? So, excuse me if I’m a bit excited at finding out that my little sister still has a heart.”

“I told her I’d call her today.”

“What the _hell_ are you doing on the phone with me then?”

“Good question,” Regina took the phone away from her ear and hung up. She got a small thrill out of imagining Zelena on the other end saying hello several times before she figured out what Regina had done.

Searching through her phone, she pressed Emma’s number. It rang a few times before it went to voicemail. She left her a brief message and then went back to her coffee.

It wasn’t until the afternoon that she heard from Emma, who texted her instead of calling.

**Emma: Hi. Sorry, I did some work today.**

Regina smiled down at the text when she finally received it.

**Regina: No need to be sorry. How was your morning?**

**Emma: It was okay.**

Regina waited for a few minutes, but when Emma didn’t elaborate, her radar went up. She decided to try a little assertion.

**Regina: When can I see you again?**

**Emma: I don’t know. Maybe next week?**

Regina’s suspicion was right; something was up. Narrowing her eyes, she began typing.

**Regina: Is everything alright, Emma?**

Again, it took Emma a while to respond, and by this point, Regina was pacing around her kitchen, busying herself with needless cleaning. She tried to rack her brain for things that could have gone wrong that she hadn’t noticed, but she had a feeling that she knew exactly what the problem was, and Emma confirmed her suspicions when she texted back.

**Emma: What is it you’re looking for from me, Regina?**

**Regina: Looking for? Emma, I’m not searching for favors or thrills. There is no agenda. I’m trying to get to know you because I haven’t been able to get you off my mind since the second I saw you.**

**Emma: Why me?**

Regina scoffed, half amused. Why her? What kind of question was that? When was the last time anybody was able to psychoanalyze why they fell for one person instead of somebody else? But she lowered her temper by taking a deep breath.

**Regina: This isn’t a conversation I want to have over text. Can we meet and talk?**

**Emma: Now?**

**Regina: As soon as possible, because if you think you’re getting off that easy you have another thing coming.**

Regina was anticipating some sort of meltdown like this. Emma held her guard up as if she were fighting the Battle of Stalingrad. It was only a matter of time before she started raising her weapons. But as hurt as that made Regina, she tried to focus on the things that Emma had actually said. At no point did Emma say she wasn’t interested in Regina, which would have obviously been a blow. Instead, she was showing doubt that Regina was being genuine with her feelings. That followed the pattern of the little that Regina knew about Emma. She wasn’t used to somebody taking an interest in her, or pursuing her, or treating her well. There was nothing surprising about the way Emma was doubting herself. Regina had noticed the lack of self-worth right away in her. It had been one of the things that endeared Emma to her. She knew this was one thing she needed to work with if she genuinely wanted to get to know Emma or earn her trust.

**Emma: Okay. Let’s meet.**

Regina made a split-second decision and texted back her address.

**Emma: Is that your home address?**

**Regina: Yes. If you are comfortable, I’d like you to come here.**

The tactic worked. Emma texted that she’d be there, and Regina sighed in tiny relief. So far, Emma hadn’t been able to catch many glimpses into who Regina really was, and Regina was hoping to sooth her nerves by showing Emma a window into her life. Her apartment was located just off the Seaport Blvd bridge, which sat her right on top of the water. It was a two-bedroom suite ten floors up, giving her a bird’s eye view of the channel and the Boston skyline. It took Emma a while to get there, but when she texted Regina that she was parked outside, Regina gave her the apartment number and instructions on how to be buzzed in.

She opened the door the moment she heard the knock, and in front of her was a tired-looking blonde with guarded eyes and slightly pouty lips. Her shoulders were so tight they were nearly touching her chin. But luckily, it was Emma who broke the tension. “This,” she said with raised eyebrows. “Is your fucking _house?”_

Regina let loose the tense grip she had on the doorknob and burst out laughing. She was quickly finding that her favorite thing about Emma was that she could never anticipate what would come out of her mouth next. Now if she could just keep her around long enough to continue to be surprised. “You haven’t the slightest clue how charming you are, do you?” Regina shook her head. “Come in please.”

Emma took a few tentative steps forward and looked around the room. The entry way was wide and open with connections to the kitchen, dining room, and living room. The entire space was bursting with brightness because the entire wall of the living room was a window looking down towards the park and the Channel. Emma was naturally drawn to it and looked down at the water.

“I made us some coffee,” Regina called from the kitchen. “Make yourself at home.” But when Regina came back out with two mugs, Emma hadn’t moved from her spot, and hadn’t shrugged her jacket off. Regina gently put the mugs down on the kitchen table and sighed. “Emma, please?”

Regina could see the wheels turning in Emma’s head as she slowly came forward to sit at the table, her eyes searching the room and landing on a set of framed pictures that Regina had set up on a hutch. “Is that your father?” Emma nodded towards a picture of a balding middle-aged man with kind drooping cheeks.

Regina smiled fondly. “Yes. I miss him terribly.”

“What was he like?”

Regina sat at the table after she was done busying herself with the fixtures for the coffee. She didn’t miss the guarded tone in Emma’s voice. “Kind. Doting. He was a gentle soul and my mother completely ran his life. I always got the sense that he harbored guilt for how she and I didn’t connect.”

“And that one? The redhead. Is that your sister?”

Regina sighed inwardly. “It is. Emma, I’d love to tell you more about my family. But I’d like to talk about your text first.”

Emma’s mouth snapped shut, and Regina saw the little tension that had left Emma climb again. As Emma just stared at her with apprehensive eyes, Regina smoothed her voice. “Emma, first I want you to know that everything I have ever said to you has been one hundred percent honest. I do have feelings for you, I am very attracted to you, and I want to continue getting to know you.” She made a point to make eye contact with Emma, who broke it to look down at her coffee. “Second, I’ve heard you loud and clear. That you both have feelings for me, and that you wish you didn’t.”

Emma’s head snapped up at that. “That’s not true!” she protested, but Regina held up a calming hand.

“Let me finish. You wish you didn’t because I intimidate you, and you hate feeling intimidated. It isn’t an emotion you are at all comfortable with. Emma, I invited you here because I wanted to show you my home. And I get that it may be a little fancier than what your used to, but I’m talking about beneath the money that my privilege in life has given me. I have a kitchen full of every utensil and ingredient you can think of because I love to cook. That TV over there has a million really stupid reality shows saved to my DVR. You’re sitting in the spot I do every morning while I have my coffee and talk to my sister on the phone. I have pictures of her and my father and my mother up on my walls and furniture because I love my family very much. Just because you don’t see how somebody like me can want someone like you doesn’t change the fact that I do. I’m a very normal person, with very normal emotions that I don’t always have control over. And right now, all I can think about is you. There is no explanation, Emma, other than you are more special than you give yourself credit for. And I have absolutely no intention of intimidating you. In fact, I’m trying very hard to do exactly the opposite.”

Regina waited as Emma processed her words. She took a giant sigh, and her eyes darted around the table as if she would find the answer there. “I know,” she finally said. “It isn’t just you. I…I guess I’m kind of freaking myself out.”

When she didn’t elaborate, Regina leaned forward and held her hand out over the table. She clasped the top of Emma’s with her own. “Talk to me.”

Emma’s breathing became slightly labored and she tried to find her words. “I’ve never felt this way before, Regina. I’ve never…wanted to give in so badly to what somebody is offering me. And that just scares the shit out of me.”

Regina brought her voice down to Emma’s level, which was barely above a whisper. “There is absolutely no rush, Emma. We can take all the time you need.”

 “I feel like I’m upside down.”

Regina winced at the admission, racking her brain to find a way to put Emma right-side up, and caught herself immediately doing so. That confusion came over her again; the surprise at how quickly she was becoming protective of Emma and her fears. She had admitted to herself that she cared for Emma, but this reflex to take care of Emma…that was something else. “Emma, what is it you want?” she asked gently.

“Want?” Emma mulled the word around her tongue as if it had come from a foreign language.

“You say you feel the same I do. That you genuinely like me, want to get to know me, that I make you feel different. So what do _you_ want?”

“I…I really have no idea.”

Regina gave her a kind smile. “That’s okay. Can I help you figure it out? What can I do?”

“I don’t know. That’s the hard part. I told you I’m no good at giving away control, but right now I feel completely out of control. But…I’m not ready to give that control to you.”

Regina pressed her lips together and gave Emma a genuinely confused smile. “Emma, what makes you think I’m interested in controlling you?”

“I…” her eyes got wide as she racked her brain for an example that would give her words credibility, but decided it was best to say nothing. “You aren’t?”

Regina’s eyes went wide as a realization hit her. Hard. It wasn’t just her that Emma was afraid of. Emma’s entire life had been filled with people who tried to control her. From foster homes to bad relationships, the only focus of them all was to get the benefits Emma would give to them, but keep her prisoner in her own circumstances. And here was Regina, a Dominatrix that was pursuing her rather aggressively. Of course Emma thought that was what she was interested in. Emma’s actions made so much sense to Regina now, she almost laughed. She made her voice smooth and calming. “Do you remember what my answer was to your question about why I love being a Domme?”

Emma nodded.

“What was it?”

“You like taking care of people.”

Regina nodded. “That’s right. I don’t want to control you, Emma. I want to take care of you.”

Emma’s eyes snapped up to Regina instantly, and the suspicion behind them was plain.

“I’m sorry,” Regina said to the obvious look of mirth on Emma’s face. “It is the first emotion I had the moment I met you, and it just hasn’t gone away. The happiest I ever am is when I’m meeting somebody’s needs, when they feel safe and cared for and it’s because I gave it to them. And the moment you entered my life, something about you has been screaming at me to just reach over and take care of you. You’re beautiful, and frankly, hot. I have had very impure thoughts about you, Emma. The two times I’ve left your house when you’ve asked me to stay are two of the hardest things I’ve done. Because all I wanted to do was take you to bed and feel every part of you. But then there’s another emotion. And I feel it every time you trip over your words or look around you with those wide eyes just waiting for a huge anvil to fall on your head. All I want to do is pull you against me and make you feel safe. And that emotion has absolutely consumed me.”

Regina saw the absolute chaos behind Emma’s eyes, the stubbornness twisting her face and the sadness on her brow. All of it shadowed her every feature, one rolling over the other. “I’m not a child. I don’t need to be taken care of, Regina.” Her words were so small that they held little conviction. That war inside herself was at the precipice, and Regina knew that very soon, she was going to have to turn this conversation around before Emma bolted in fear.

Regina had her own hands around her mug of coffee, as if she had been casually sipping at it. But she had also left hers untouched. “No,” she said gently. “You don’t. You are an incredibly smart and capable young woman. You’re strong and independent, business savvy by the sound of your workload. You’re a survivor. And you didn’t get there easily. But I’ve said it before. Need and want are two very different things. You don’t need me. You certainly don’t need me or anybody else to take care of you, to protect you, to coddle you. But I think you want it. I’m not sure you’re willing to admit it, but I see it in you.”

When Emma didn’t make a single movement, Regina gave a tiny sigh and reached over to brush her fingers against Emma’s troubled cheek. “But none of that,” she whispered, “has to be sorted out today. Or tomorrow. Are you willing to spend the evening with me? And just enjoy each other?”

The wide eyes that answered her made her grin adoringly. Emma looked like a lost puppy. Timid, scared, cautious, hopeful.

“I’m asking you to let me get to know you, Emma. I’m asking you if you are willing to continue this.”

When Emma finally nodded, Regina took a chance and stood up, taking Emma’s hand to guide her up as well. She brought Emma in for what was supposed to be a small kiss, but Emma leaned into it forcefully, gripping Regina’s shoulders as she allowed her lips to be touched. Regina was surprised by her ferocity but composed herself so that it didn’t show. She allowed Emma to control this situation for a moment, but when she heard and felt Emma’s breathing start to labor, she reluctantly pulled away. “Sshh,” she brought a hand up to Emma’s hair and ran her fingers through the locks. “Soon, Darling.”

Emma groaned. “How soon?” she raised her eyebrows up and down, making Regina laugh.

“Tell you what,” she planted a kiss on Emma’s cheek, and followed it with several more until Emma was a giggling mess in her arms. Catching her by the waist so she didn’t fall sideways, she brought her back up to eye level, and said through her laughter. “How about you decide what you want me to cook you, and we see how the evening goes?” she proposed as she tickled Emma’s sides, who doubled over again in a new fit of giggles. “Hm?” she insisted as she tried not to laugh.

“Okay, okay!” Emma finally managed to squirm away, batting at Regina’s hands. “You said you have all the ingredients in the world?”

Regina smirked. “Try me.”

“How’s your pancakes?”

Regina rolled her eyes, “Oh, Emma,” she didn’t hold back her laughter this time. “You’ll never have better.”

“Can I help?”

Without warning, Regina grabbed her again, and Emma nearly screamed and tried to crawl away as Regina attacked her again with a burst of ear kisses. “Yes.”

***

Emma could not deny that Regina made amazing pancakes. She let Emma choose between sourdough and buttermilk (sourdough, obviously), and which fruits she wanted baked along with them. Regina wasn’t lying when she said she had most ingredients in the world, and she seemed to have a specialized utensil for every activity. She gave Emma a particularly fancy looking whisk so that she could mix up the ingredients. “Not too much, Dear,” Regina chided her gently when Emma was putting all her might into whisking away. Regina came up behind her and guided Emma’s hands with her own, whispering in her ear, “Nice and gentle. Like this. Until it is smooth.”

Emma could hardly concentrate on the mixing when Regina was doing that, and she pretended to not get the rhythm right for as long as she could so that Regina wouldn’t pull away too quickly. She felt strangely giddy and nervous all at the same time around Regina. She couldn’t get over the butterflies in her stomach, and she wasn’t certain that all the butterflies were positive. It was hard to tell when she’d never had them before. It was true that Regina was treating her different than any other person she had had a romantic interest in before, and that so far, all of it had been wonderful. However, there was a little voice inside her, reminding her who she was. She was not a girl who was wined and dined and kept around for a long-term relationship…a long term _anything_. She was an orphan. A girl whose own parents wanted nothing to do with her, a young woman who could never keep a love interest, a person who had very few friends, and didn’t trust very easily.

That voice was getting smaller and smaller. Emma recognized that. Regina had a way of quieting it’s shouting in her head. But that was part of what made her nervous. There had been moments in her life, when she had been much younger, where she had ignored the voice. It had never turned out well. The results were always devastating, crushing her back down to her original lot in life. It was like an old friend, always present. The thought of it retreating was unsettling, no matter the circumstances.

However, the voice really quieted down when Emma finally got to eat the pancakes. She’d never had anything like it. The pancakes were fluffy, fruity, sourdough-y…incredible. “Holy shit…” she breathed through bites, and ignored Regina trying and failing to hide her laughter behind her napkin. “You’ve just made a big mistake,” Emma pointed her fork at Regina. “You’re never getting rid of me. I’m forcing you to cook these for me every morning.”

Regina took a tiny bite with a small, unconcerned shrug. “Then my evil plan has worked. I’ve no intention of getting rid of you, Miss Swan.”

After they were done, Emma insisted that she help Regina with the dishes. “Would you like to watch a movie?” Regina asked, and Emma’s brows shot up in surprise. It suddenly occurred to her that this was an extremely domestic date. Maybe Regina meant it; maybe she wasn’t so different from ‘normal’ people. Emma had to admit that she was beginning to feel some guilt with how she had misjudged Regina. Just because the first time she had met this woman was when she was clad in leather at a BDSM Dungeon didn’t mean that Regina was so different from anyone else she knew. So, when they sat on Regina’s very cozy leather couch, Emma had no qualms about snuggling up against her as they browsed.

Regina put a hand around Emma’s shoulders, and placed a kiss on Emma’s head when Emma scooted in. “What would you like to watch?” Regina whispered in her hair.

Emma shrugged. “Dunno. Doesn’t matter. An action movie, maybe.”

“Are those your favorite?”

Emma shrugged again. “Not especially. It just seems like it would be the most distracting.”

She felt Regina chuckle. “You feel like you need to be distracted?”

Emma breathed in slowly to gain her nerves, her mind shifting to the kiss they had shared earlier. “Yeah. Sorta.”

“And why is that, Dear?”

Emma answered by sitting up and throwing her leg over Regina’s waist so that she was straddling her. She put her arms around Regina’s neck, and stared directly into Regina’s eyes.

Regina had gone very still, her mouth partially open, the tiniest smirk turned the corner of her mouth as she looked up at Emma with dangerously amused eyes.

Emma took the chance and moved in, crushing her lips against Regina’s, who was more than ready for her. Though Emma was on top and had initiated, Regina took charge immediately as the sexiest growl Emma had ever heard escaped the brunette, and she bit down ever so slightly on Emma’s bottom lip. Emma tried to take hold of the situation again by parting her lips, hungrily tasting Regina’s mouth. But once she did, she yelped in surprise as Regina grabbed hold of her ass and stood up, holding Emma tightly against her waist, and twisting them around. Emma didn’t let go of her hold on Regina’s lips as Regina lowered her back to the couch. She held the back of Emma’s head with her hand, and laid her down flat against the cushions, hovering over her as she broke the kiss to look Emma in the eyes.

The look Emma saw was almost animalistic. Regina’s pupils were wide, leaving her eyes nearly black as she stared down at Emma, panting. “Careful, Emma,” she chided. The voice she used sent a shock through Emma right down to her core, and she grew weak as Regina leaned in to place her mouth right by Emma’s ear, which was easily topping the list of Emma’s favorite Regina traits. “You keep pushing me, and I won’t be able to stop.”

Emma felt herself melting into Regina’s hold, moving her hips up to try and find friction as Regina’s thigh was between her own legs. “I don’t want you to stop,” she answered, not caring about the clear pleading in her voice.

“No?” Regina moved her mouth further down, kissing the side of Emma’s neck, and chuckling as Emma shivered at the touch. “I thought I intimidated you.”

“You do,” Emma said without thinking, and instantly regretted it. She knew if anything would make Regina stop, it was that admittance.

But also like Regina, there was absolutely no offense taken. She hummed against Emma’s skin, kissing it sweetly. “I know, Little One. I know.” The way she said it made Emma go warm all over. She groaned as she tried to hold Regina down in a hug, searching for her face so that she could press her mouth against Regina’s again. Regina let her but didn’t allow Emma to gain traction in the kiss. She kept it sweet, soft, and innocent compared to their previous affections.

Then Regina was bringing Emma back up to sitting position with more gentleness than Emma thought possible. She continued to pull Emma towards her until Emma’s legs were entwined with hers. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma and positioned Emma’s head in the crook of her neck, where she placed a tiny kiss. One hand was wrapped around Emma’s waist and rested on the highest spot of her thigh, the other was busying itself with the remote control as she found a movie to turn on. Once she found the first action flick she could find, she forgot the remote on the couch arm chair and busied that hand with petting Emma’s hair and rubbing up and down the arm that Emma had wrapped around Regina’s neck.

Emma had never felt anything like it. It wasn’t sexual, but it wasn’t platonic. It was, in fact, probably the most intimate thing she had ever done with anyone. She didn’t protest one bit when Regina had put her in this position, mainly due to the utter confusion behind it. She couldn’t figure out exactly what Regina was doing. But once Regina had settled her and began her rhythmic rubbing, Emma felt herself come down from any arousal she had been feeling just moments ago. She didn’t even know what movie they were watching. She was too busy staring at Regina’s arm make its soothing and strangely possessive caresses and looking down in wonder at the fact that she was sitting in Regina’s lap as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I like it when you call me that,” she whispered into Regina’s skin.

“Hm?”

“Little One. I like it when you call me Little One.”

Emma felt Regina squeeze her tighter, and she automatically leaned into the embrace. “I know you do, sweetie,” Regina answered softly, making Emma’s insides go warm.

“How can you tell?”

She felt Regina breath in her scent before answering. “I have a super power. It tells me what you want, what you need. I can always tell, my Little Emma.”

Emma tried to hear that voice inside her, but it was gone. It was completely silenced by the heartbeat she could feel against her own, and the gentle touches that Regina gave her. By the smell of Regina that had completely engulfed her senses as she nuzzled into the crook of her neck. By the wonderful warmth that their embrace was creating around them. Between all these senses, and the glowing of the television, that voice was nowhere to be heard as Emma felt herself falling, falling.

Before she knew it, the room was much darker, the glow from the television gone, and a very different voice was calling to her so softly, she thought she was still dreaming. “Bed time, Emma.”

“Hm,” Emma made an inaudible argument as she grabbed on harder to whatever this new pillow was. It was perfectly shaped around her body, and warm, and smelled wonderful, and it had a sultry voice that made her bones go limp. But her pillow managed to wriggle out from under her, and Emma groaned in protest. The best sleep of her life was being interrupted, and she wasn’t happy about it one bit.

It didn’t take long, however, to feel Regina against her again. This time, Regina had her arms wrapped tightly under Emma’s thighs, keeping her secure on her hip. Emma grasped harder onto what she realized was Regina’s neck. She was being carried.

“Sshh,” that soft voice answered her tired groans. “We’re almost there.”

Emma shrugged all panic that might have set in off completely. It must be a dream; she might as well enjoy it. She didn’t try to fight any of it. She simply kept her eyes closed as she felt herself lowered onto a bed, and she didn’t remember anything afterwards.

**

Regina hummed as she sliced the bread, looking down at her tray of toast fixings to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. She had an arrangement of butter and different flavored jellies and jams. She even had apple butter, which she took a wild guess and expected would be Emma’s favorite. She looked at the clock as she worked. 6:15. She’d need to wake Emma up in the next few minutes. It was Monday, and she assumed that Emma had some work to do.

Just as she thought it, she heard a tiny “Hi,” from the hallway, and looked up to see Emma standing there, her hair tousled about, her clothes wrinkled and crooked on her body, her feet adorned in socks.

Regina felt her face burst into the smile that was quickly becoming assigned to only Emma. “Good morning!” she said as she dropped the bread in her toaster. “I was just about to come wake you. I’ve got coffee ready.”

Emma didn’t move from her spot in the hallway, a curious eye peering over at what Regina was doing. “I slept here last night?”

“I tried to wake you up, but you were having none of it.” Regina said amusingly as she busied herself with pouring cream into her coffee. When she looked up and saw Emma’s face, she cocked an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing,” Emma answered, and Regina did not miss the shakiness in her voice. “It’s just that…I’m not really a light sleeper.”

“Hah!” Regina scoffed playfully. “That’s a likely story. I tried everything short of screaming in your face.” She had. It had taken just thirty minutes into the movie to realize that Emma was out. When she had tried to rouse Emma, all Emma did was grab onto her harder, making grunts of protest as Regina tried to pry herself loose and call Emma awake. It had melted Regina’s heart, and she simply didn’t have it in her to force Emma awake and make her drive off.

Emma slowly padded over to her, and Regina handed her a freshly poured mug of coffee. “Did you…did you carry me to your bed?”

Regina shrugged, “I wasn’t about to let _you_ take the couch.”

“You slept on the _couch_?!”

Regina finally stopped what she was doing and looked at Emma seriously. “You seem genuinely shocked by everything coming out of my mouth this morning,” she said with a tinge of amusement in her voice.

Then Regina really took in Emma’s expression. She looked confused, but also a little panicked. It was clear she was trying to remember the evening, and Regina felt a stab of guilt hit her chest. Just the way Emma was looking was completely unsettling. “Hey,” she said softly, breaking Emma out of her reverie. She closed the rest of the space between them, and cautiously put a hand on Emma’s hip. “Are you okay? With what happened last night?”

“I um…” Emma swallowed hard. “I’m really sorry.”

Regina’s mouth turned down as her concern deepened. She was used to Emma looking flustered, but not scared. “You’re sorry? For what?”

“For falling asleep,” Emma rubbed the back of her neck, turning pink. “For you having to like…for you having to sleep on the couch. And…”

“Emma,” Regina’s voice had turned very serious and deep. She took hold of one of Emma’s hands very gingerly and brought it up to her mouth. She kissed Emma’s knuckle, making Emma shiver ever so slightly. “I can’t imagine why you are apologizing, but you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Do you understand?” she continued her mantra of soft kisses on Emma’s knuckles, forcing Emma to look into her eyes. The struggle she saw behind those glassy greens made her heart ache, and she wanted to slap herself. “I’m sorry. I should have tried harder to wake you,” Regina shook her head. “I didn’t mean for you to feel uncomfortable by staying here.”

“No!” Emma said quickly, surprising Regina. So far, her apology had been the only thing to snap Emma out of her dazed confusion. “No, that’s not it. Thank you,” she said as she finally grasped back at Regina’s hand. “I guess I’m just surprised I slept so deeply. And…” she trailed off.

“And…?” Regina coaxed her gently. She was having a hard time believing Emma was a light sleeper. The only deeper Emma could have slept last night was by being dead.

“And I’m not sure if I should be thanking you for sleeping on the couch or if I should be really disappointed by it.”

Regina felt some of her guilt dissipate, and she threw her head back and laughed. “I’ll take both.” She leaned in and kissed Emma on the side of her head. “You are very cute when you’re asleep, though. It wasn’t easy leaving you there to sleep on the couch.”

Emma’s answer came very quickly. “Next time, don’t.”

Regina leaned back to look Emma in the eyes, a mischievous grin spread on her face as she raised an eyebrow at Emma. They shared a smile, and Regina finally broke the connection to turn Emma around. She gave her a gentle pat on the butt, “Go sit. I’ll bring you breakfast.”


	5. Impact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a Wednesday surprise!
> 
> ***This chapter has a trigger warning for mild violence. I kept it as minimal as possible, and there's plenty of aftercare later***

The next week was one of the strangest emotional roller coasters Emma had ever experienced. And that was saying something. She couldn’t deny that she was enjoying it. Every morning Regina texted her some sweet greeting, and every night they talked on the phone, flirting like hell until Regina finally made Emma go to bed.

By Wednesday, she was dying to see Regina again. The only thing keeping her from going crazy was how busy she was at work. She had two clients that were out on bail and had missed their court date. That meant that Emma and her business partner needed some fast action to find them and bring them back to justice. The justice part, Emma was indifferent. But between the two of her ghosters, she was out twenty thousand dollars until they were found. That part was her main concern.

Still, that was the nature of the business, and something she was used to. For Emma, it was thrilling when somebody ran off and gave her something to chase. She liked stakeouts and following someone and sleuthing on the internet. It was her own mini adventure.

She picked up her phone and dialed her partner August’s number. Emma and August had been working together for several years. He was a technically a freelance bounty hunter just like she was a freelance bail bondsperson, but the two of them worked so well together, that he typically dropped all other bail bonds clients when she needed him.

“Hey champ,” August answered with a brightness in his voice that told Emma he wasn’t losing any sleep over her late phone call. She was sitting in her little yellow bug, drinking coffee and eating donuts at 2am.

“August, that address you gave me earlier. You sure this is the place?”

“Yup,” she heard August take a sip of some sort of coffee, so he was pulling an all-nighter somewhere too. “Wait, are you out there right now?”

“Yeah,” she said absentmindedly as she flipped through August’s report to make sure she had gone to the right location. There were a thousand papers piled up next to her on her passenger’s seat. She loved her little yellow bug. It was like her own little bubble that nobody could penetrate, windows to the world with its sounds muffled and its doors locked so nobody could get in. She could take it anywhere, could turn it whatever way she saw fit. She kept the passenger seat full of paperwork and tools for her job so that there wasn’t any room for anyone else. Just her. She enjoyed flying solo for work, but August was a great call-in partner when she needed his expertise.

“I told you not to go by yourself! This guy is staying with some shady people, kid. As far as I know, that’s the address of his dealer that he’s crashing with. What do you plan on doing if you catch him there in the middle of the night?”

“Punch him in the gut for running out on me after I paid his bail,” Emma’s nonchalant attitude didn’t change with August’s words of warning. This was when she didn’t appreciate having August around so much: he was annoying when he went all Ruby and Mary Margaret on her.

If Emma’s child and teen hood had done anything, it had desensitized her to shady houses, and she wasn’t a stranger to being around people who were up to no good. It was one of the things that made her so good at her job.

“You’re impossible. Are there any signs of life in there?”

Emma took another look around. She was in a neighborhood that could have used a little TLC. Most windows were boarded up or had bars over them, many houses were surrounded by chain linked fences garnished with barbed wire, there were plenty of people still sitting outside on their porches or walking around the block. The particular house that Emma was focused on didn’t have anyone out front but had plenty of action behind the windows. Emma could hear music and people laughing or yelling from the backyard.

Wednesday night. Party.

“Yup. This place is popping. I figure I’ll sneak around back and see if I find anybody hanging out.”

“Emma, don’t!”

Emma finally scoffed, irritated. “If you’re so concerned, then come out here and rescue me, ya big baby!”

“Ah, Christ,” she could hear him moving quickly now, and she shook her head and hung up the phone.

She was looking forward to this distraction. She was dying to see Regina, but there was a bigger problem that was distracting her: trying to figure out why she was dying to see Regina. It was a very uncomfortable feeling to be so emotionally attached to someone. Particularly someone that she hadn’t known for very long. But by the time she had realized that Regina had crept up on her, it was way too late. She was already invested. Sunday night’s encounter only brought more feelings of discomfort. Emma had never, ever in her life, fallen asleep in someone’s lap. Never in her life had somebody held her until she had fallen asleep. And nobody she had ever been romantically involved in had tucked her into bed and gone to sleep on the couch. It would have confused Emma if she and Regina hadn’t had the talk they did beforehand.

The talk posed a different problem: Regina wanted to take care of Emma, and as good as it felt to have Regina doting on her, there was that voice in her head screaming to push her away. It kept saying to run, but every other part of her, including her heart and body, were sticking right to Regina. Emma couldn’t help that it all felt so good.

Trying to work that out in her head just made her want to bury herself into the current case further. It made her feel normal again to focus on work. In control. And showing up at this house to arrest this guy all on her own was helping shake off the frightening feeling that she was knocking down walls for Regina.

She wanted this guy caught. She had been looking for him for three weeks, and frankly he was starting to take up way too much of her time. Jumping out of her car, she skipped towards the side of the house where she heard the voices getting louder and louder. Emma snuck through the side gate and flipped her hair a few times. She had to make herself presentable if she was going to pretend she was just part of the crowd.

It was easy enough. Everyone at the party ended up being so drunk or high (or both) that another cute little blonde didn’t seem to make much difference. She found her target around a keg of beer, and moved in, flaunting herself obviously enough that even a drunk show-off would pick up on her advances.

Emma pretended to laugh at her target’s stupid drunken joke. Peter Gold: Boston’s Most Elusive Court Caper. This kid was only twenty and had already managed to rack up several theft and drug charges. He was also being investigated in an attack of a young woman from a neighborhood not far from where Emma was now, so she figured the likelihood of him being a culprit was decent. Beyond his drug and theft charges, he had skipped out on a fifteen thousand dollar bail that Emma had fronted him. His collateral had been a decent collection of what he claimed to be his mother’s family jewelry and his passport, but it didn’t nearly cover the financial burden his bail had cost her.

But if she was showing signs that she wasn’t really interested in Gold, he didn’t seem to notice. He was so drunk he was slurring his words, and almost tripped over his own feet several times as he went on and on about some ridiculous story about a guy he and his friends had beat up for some reason or another that Emma didn’t want to listen to. With every word he spoke, she grew more and more irritated, literally biting the inside of her cheek to focus on the pain so that she didn’t haul off and deck the kid right in his flapping lips.

Eventually, she found a way to lure him to the front of the house, pressing herself up against his body and pulling him by his jacket. She gave off the most girly giggle she could muster, playing the drunk and horny bimbo who couldn’t wait to get a cheap thrill. It was working. He grabbed onto her waist, and it took all of Emma’s energy not to wince at how roughly he was digging his hands into her skin.

“Where you taking me?” he gave her what she was sure he thought was a charming lopsided grin, and she returned it.

“To my car,” she said as she managed to get him to take a few more steps toward it.

Without warning, he dove towards her face, and grabbed her mouth into his so harshly, she let out a little shriek. Every part of her body was screaming, her head was a mess of torture as she forced herself to give in to this kiss. She kept her mouth as still as possible without showing any signs of apprehension, but more alarm bells began ringing over the screaming in her ears as she felt his hands dip down to grab her ass.

And they froze when they felt what was in her back pocket. “What are these…”

Emma cut him off at his last word by pulling back and right-hooking him in the face. He gave a short yell and fell sideways.

_Easy peezy_ , she thought. _Gross, but easy._

She thought way too soon. Peter Gold recovered quickly. As Emma reached into her back pocket to take out the handcuffs that he had discovered, he ran at her and tackled her to the ground. Emma felt her feet go out from under her, and she was air born for a split second before she felt her head and shoulder slam into the sidewalk.

Her vision went white, sparks shooting so fast and so many that it was impossible to see Peter Gold or anything else. She was stunned into submission long enough for him to grab her by her jacket and pull her back up to her feet. “What the fuck?” he yelled. “Crazy bitch!”

Emma felt herself going lopsided, not able to stand firmly on the ground with either foot. She found one hand was paralyzed because he had grabbed her wrist so hard. The only thing she could think to do was headbutt him with her already screaming head. She felt a crunching under her skull and knew by the sharp grunt of pain that she had broken his nose. The instant he let go to grab his nose, she was down on the ground again, woozy, on fire.

Apparently, the party wasn’t so loud that they couldn’t hear the struggle, and a couple of Peter’s friends had come out to his rescue. Emma winced as a large man grabbed her wrists again and locked them behind her back, forcing her back on her feet. Her stomach rolled, and she felt bile raise to her throat. _This is it_ , she told herself. _This is how I die. Way to go, Emma._

Just then, she heard the screeching of tires and sirens. The pressure on her wrists subsided as she heard yells from the people in the party. She’d never seen a group of humans scatter so quickly. It was like watching a heard of antelope once they realized a lion was in their midst. More than likely, many of them had warrants, and half were probably underage.

Peter Gold was still on the pavement in front of her, grasping his nose as blood gushed out of it and smacked on the pavement. She’d gotten him good.

“Emma!” It was August, apparently leading the charge of several cop cars that were crowded around the street. It all happened so fast, Emma barely had time to catch her breath.

“I’m alright,” she cringed as August pulled her up to her feet. There was a stinging in her shoulder from where she had hit the ground, her wrists hurt, and she was having a hard time focusing her eyes.

He held her at arm’s length and looked her up and down. “Are you out of your mind!?”

Emma didn’t respond as she watched Peter being dragged away by two police officers. The look he gave her was murderous. “Thid idn’t the end,” he said through his broken nose.

Emma tried to make a witty comeback, but her mind was so hazy, she could barely form a sentence.

“It id,” she heard August sneer. “We get our money back, and you go where you belong.”

Emma watched as a look of realization hit Peter Gold’s face. “Bail Bonddman…” he snarled. “Fucking bail bonddman!” he screamed as he was thrown in the back of a cop car, his yells muffled when they slammed the door.

Emma leaned forward, hands on her knees, waiting to catch her breath. She felt a large hand on the back of her neck, and then she heard August say, “Jesus, kid. You should see the bump on your head.”

“’m fine,” she slurred.

“You’re not fine. Dammit Emma, how many times do I have to tell you not to do this type of shit without me?”

Emma coughed, ignoring the pain in her shoulder and her wrists. “I’m _fine_ ,” she argued. “How many times have I gotten out a pickle without you to save my ass?”

“Lucky for you I _was_ here! You’d be maggot food otherwise!”

Emma begrudgingly realized that he was right this time: if August hadn’t known up when he did, the outcome didn’t look good for her. “Yeah,” she sighed, looking away. “Thanks, man.”

“Thanks man,” he mocked her. “Gimme your keys,” he held his hand out.

“What? Why?!”

The look he gave her told her that if she argued with him one more time, he would bury her himself. “You think you’re driving? You’re going to the hospital to have your head looked at, and then I’m taking you home.”

Emma’s adrenaline started to come down as August drove her bug to the hospital. All her paperwork had been shoved into the back, though she still felt some of it crinkling underneath her. She didn’t have the energy to be upset about it. Looking at the dashboard, she read 3 am, and groaned. Pain and the shakes were taking the place of the adrenaline, and she started to get woozy again as August made turns and shifted gears.

“You’re looking pretty green, kid,” she heard him say. His voice sounded far away, and at this point, she wondered if she should be concerned.

“Yeah…” she breathed out as the night’s events started to dawn on her. She had several brutal reminders: her shoulder and wrists were screaming with pain, she felt thick and confused, and August’s words were starting to sink in. He was right, of course. This was a stupid mistake. It wasn’t the first time Emma had tried to lure a male target to arrest him, but she wasn’t in the habit of doing it at parties where they were surrounded by allies and nobody had her back. She’d been too distracted, too eager to put her head in the game, and it had backfired. She squeezed her eyes shut, mentally kicking herself.

The next thing Emma knew, she was at the hospital, and was being carted away on a wheelchair, complaining how unnecessary it was without any conviction in her voice. She was exhausted. August trailed behind, and she could see him on the phone, but wasn’t able to pay him any attention as the nurses started asking her questions about how she was feeling and what her symptoms were. If she had been less out of it, she would have realized that August was in fact on _her_ phone.

It seemed to be hours later that she was finally left alone, propped up on a wheelchair in the emergency room hallway, waiting for her release paperwork. She was diagnosed with a mild concussion, prescribed pain killers, and ordered two days off work. She sat brooding, exhausted, and tears starting to sting her eyes as she sat, seemingly abandoned. She would be released any moment, and August was nowhere to be found. What was worse was that he had her phone. She couldn’t call Ruby or Mary Margaret to let them know what had happened, and that the doctor’s orders were to keep an eye on her, and she was at the mercy of his return so that he could drive her home.

As the minutes passed, she became more and more upset with herself. It was nearly dawn now, her whole body ached, and she still felt dazed. She should have been happy; she had caught her runner after all. But all she felt was annoyance at herself for botching the job, and embarrassment that August had had to bail her out like he did. A tear splashed on her torn jeans.

“Emma.”

The voice sent a sensation all over her body, as if being doused in a warm, soft bath. All of her worries and self-loathing tapering off immediately. It stopped her breath short, and she realized that she must have hit her head harder than she thought. It was too good to be true, it had to be. But when she looked up to meet the voice, there she was.

Her head shot up. The look on Regina’s face was one that Emma hadn’t seen before. Her eyes were sunken and ablaze with worry, and she let out a gasp that told Emma she wasn’t looking so good sitting in that wheelchair, covered with scrapes and bruises. Beyond that expression, however, Emma registered that Regina had her arms held out. Without thinking, Emma sprinted up and crashed into them, a sob wrenching free from her throat.

Regina reached down and caught her as if it was the most effortless thing in the world, and Emma’s sore body went limp as her arms locked around Regina’s neck. The strength and security that Regina’s embrace gave her triggered a new emotion out of her. She lost all composure, holding onto Regina as if she were the edge of a cliff, burying her face in the crook of Regina’s neck and letting the tears flow down freely. She felt Regina’s hand on her head, cradling her in the embrace. Regina showed no signs of hesitation or inhibitions as she allowed Emma to cling to her. She turned into Emma and whispered so softly in her ear that Emma thought she would collapse right there.

“What happened, Darling?”

“R’gina,” her voice was both high pitched and thick, her words slurring. “You’re here. How? What happened?”

“Sshh, sshh. Emma,” Regina’s voice stayed calm and silky as she began to rub up and down Emma’s back. “Don’t worry about that now. Deep breaths. Take some deep breaths with me.” She took a few for Emma to follow along, and once Emma managed the third deep breath, she gently pulled them apart to make their eyes meet. Regina was full of concern, but she was clearly calm and collected. It eased Emma more than she’d ever thought possible.

Regina looked her up and down. Emma could see her taking inventory of scrapes on her forehead. “You’re exhausted. Let’s get you to home.”

Emma sniffled as she nodded. She hadn’t realized that the hospital around them had melted away the moment Regina took her in her arms. Regina lowered her back onto the chair, ignoring Emma’s grumble of disapproval.

Just then, August walked up, the smirk on his face was enough to make Emma bury her head in her hands. “Here you go,” he addressed Regina, handing her several items including Emma’s cell phone and car keys.

“Do you need a ride?” Regina asked, and Emma noted that her voice was very different with him than with Emma, not as gentle. That seemed to be just for her. It sent a buzz through Emma’s chest.

“Nah, I just called an Uber. You got this one?” he gestured to Emma.

Emma felt a hand on her shoulder. “I do. We will pick up her car here tomorrow. Thank you, August.”

“Take care, kid,” Emma felt August give her a friendly jab on her arm, and he was gone. Emma mocked him under her breath.

When she was placed in Regina’s Mercedes, and Regina began to drive away, she asked: “Did August call you?”

Regina put a hand in Emma’s lap and held her thigh protectively, smiling warmly. “Ruby did. You made the wireless rounds this morning. August mentioned to Ruby that you had several missed texts from me, and she decided to loop me in. Good thing too. I was getting worried. You always answer my texts, even in the middle of the night. Ruby was going to come get you, but I insisted.”

Emma swallowed a huge lump in her throat. She had really screwed up; every one of the people she cared about had been up for hours worrying about her. It made another tear go down her cheek. She hated the idea of upsetting everyone, she hated the idea that Regina had come out before the sun rose just to come grab her.

Despite how upset she was, she felt herself unable to keep her eyes open. Time started to slip from her, and by the time she opened them again, Regina was parking in her lot. Emma looked out the window confusedly. Regina hadn’t driven her to her apartment. A strange feeling washing over Emma. She wasn’t sure if she was happy about it, or if Regina taking her on for the night made her feel even worse.

Regina walked around to the car to fetch Emma. The moment Emma’s feet hit the ground, she started to wobble. Regina was right there with her, arm around her waist for support. “Take your time. There’s no rush,” she said, her voice as smooth as ever, as if this little adventure hadn’t been any big deal at all. As if picking somebody up from the hospital and walking them to your elevator was totally normal. She held Emma the entire elevator ride and down the 10th floor hallway.

When Regina locked the door behind them and started to lead Emma to her bedroom, Emma started to get nervous. She had never been so raw in front of someone before, particularly someone she cared about as much as Regina. The whole evening’s experience was the most vulnerable she had ever been, and she was struggling to settle her nerves. “Regina, I really am sorry. I really screwed up, and now everyone is paying the price, especially you…”

But Regina was very quick to insert herself in Emma’s space, bringing the back of her hand to Emma’s cheek. The touch was so soft that Emma nearly turned into it and fell asleep standing up, Regina’s hand acting as her pillow. Regina leaned in and gave her such a soft kiss, a tiny whimper escaped Emma’s mouth. “Sshh,” Regina’s voice was like a light feather barely touching her face. “I don’t want you worrying about any of that tonight. You need to rest.”

“But I…”

“What’s my promise to you?” Regina cut her off before she could argue any further.

Emma drew in a very shaky breath that was still rattled with her previous sobs. “You’re going to keep me safe.”

“Do you trust me to keep my promise?”

Emma started with how quickly she answered. “Yes,” she said with a tiny upturn in her voice, making her surprise evident.

Regina smiled and kissed the edge of Emma’s mouth as she caressed her cheek with her thumb. “That’s my good girl.”

Emma’s shivered at her touch and words. Regina suppressed a smile at the strength of Emma’s reaction to them. She guided Emma to the bed, where Emma sat down and took in a deep breath. Regina bent down in front of her and was about to untie Emma’s shoes, when she paused to look up. “May I?”

Emma nodded as she looked down at Regina, her face troubled and her arms coming up to wrap around her chest protectively while she watched Regina work. When Regina slipped them off, she looked back up at Emma and noted her posture. She rubbed her palms up and down Emma’s calves, soothing Emma with each stroke. “Jacket off, please,” she ordered as gently as she could. Emma complied and handed it to Regina, but her newly exposed arms brought Regina’s attention to an angry bright red mark wrapping itself around her wrist.

Regina quickly draped the jacket over a nearby lounge chair, taking Emma’s wrist in her hands as tenderly as she could. Emma winced anyway. “What is this?” the sound in Regina’s voice was something Emma had never heard before: low and…dangerous, like a rage bubbling at the surface and being suppressed with great effort. But Emma could hear caring and concern, an emotion meant specifically for her.

 “It’s okay,” she hurried to say when she saw the fire in Regina’s eyes ignite. “It’s just a bruise.”

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Regina did a once over sweep of Emma’s body.

Emma felt the pain screaming in her shoulder but chose to shake her head. Regina looked murderous just at the mark around her wrist where Gold had squeezed too tight. She didn’t want to know what her shoulder looked like, or how Regina would react when she saw it.

Regina stared at the bruise, and Emma could see the wheels in her head turning, as if she was deciding what she could do to make it to make it go away. In the end, she leaned down and kissed it so gently, Emma shivered. She closed her eyes and took the moment in. Almost instantly, she felt her consciousness fight to give up.

“Would you like to leave your pants on?” a voice brought her back. Regina, of course, had not missed that Emma was losing the battle to stay awake, and decided to move on from the discussion about her wrist for now.

Emma thought about it for a moment, but really couldn’t come to a conclusive answer in her head. As she tried to mull over which scenario would be less uncomfortable, Regina came towards her and smiled. “Let’s leave them on tonight,” she said as she leaned down to kiss Emma on the forehead. “Lay back, sweetie.” Regina kept her hand under Emma’s head to guide her down to the pillow. When she was finally down, Regina sat at the side of the bed and began humming softly, one hand running through Emma’s gold locks.

Emma made every effort to stay awake, but her eyes were so heavy they hurt. She felt so incredibly out of her element, but in a strange place in her mind, she felt so at piece with the attention Regina was paying to her, she struggled to savor it.

As if Regina could read her mind, she smiled down at Emma. “Close your eyes, Emma. I’ll wake you up and check on you soon.”

Emma blinked up at the dark-haired woman looming over her, worrying over her, soothing her with a beautifully hummed tune, eyes only for her. She couldn’t figure out if it was her concussion or something else that was making her suddenly feel so serene. She was confused, the sensations she was feeling completely foreign, but not altogether unpleasant. In fact, they were the opposite. She felt so at peace, different from the start of the evening, so unexpectedly calmed by what Regina was doing.

The fight to stay awake did not escape Regina as she caressed Emma’s cheek. “I’m right here, Darling,” she murmured.

Despite her mind telling her she didn’t want to, the calm, continuous sound of Regina’s voice as she hummed in her sultry tone was winning out, and finally, it lulled Emma into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying so far. This one had a lot less of our two beautiful ladies together, but trust me, there was a point to the arrest scene. ;-)  
> Don't forget to say hi!


	6. Stay

“You’re _just_ calling me to tell me this?” Zelena accused after Regina gave her a brief synopsis of the last several hours.

“Did you want me to call you at two this morning?”

“Yes! And every hour afterwards! You should have had the routine down by now: wake up Emma to make sure she’s not dead, call big sister, wake up Emma to make sure she’s not dead, call big sister.”

Regina rolled her eyes as she took a timid slurp of her coffee. It was 7 in the morning, and she would have to wake up Emma for the day very soon, despite the little sleep she’d received. “Could you please stop using Emma and dead in the same sentence? It’s unsettling.”

“Go take a picture of her and send it to me! I want to see what she looks like!”

Regina choked on her coffee, and spat at the phone, “I most certainly will not!”

“C’mon Bun! I wanna see the woman who is knocking my little sister off her feet.”

“You know I hate that name.” Zelena had started calling Regina that in high school, and it had stuck. It drove her up the wall, but she knew it was her own damned fault for showing it. That just made Zelena want to use it more.

“Stop changing the subject. You need to wake her up anyway. She can’t sleep long with that bump on her head and it’s a weekday. Don’t the two of you have work?”

“No court for me today, and I think Emma is going to take a day or two off after last night. I thought I’d work from home and keep an eye on her.”

“Hi,” a tiny voice from the hallway made Regina spin around, and she found Emma peeking at her. Her blonde curls were tousled all over the place, her shirt and jeans wrinkled and crooked on her skinny form. Her eyes were puffy, and her cheeks were flushed. Regina’s breath caught in her throat, floored by how absolutely beautiful she looked after such a rough night and little sleep.

“Hey,” Regina didn’t even blink as she pressed the end button on the call and set the phone down on the table. She sprang up to meet the woman hiding behind the hallway wall. “I was just about to come wake you. How are you feeling?” she asked as she smoothed a hand through Emma’s hair.

Emma leaned into the touch and shrugged. “Okay. Tired.”

A grin spread over Regina’s face. “Come sit down. I’ll make you something to eat.”

“You don’t have to,” Emma said in her small, sleepy voice as she trailed over to the table and sat down.

“Nonsense,” Regina stood behind Emma and leaned down to place a kiss on top of her head. When she did, she noticed a tiny bit of dried blood on Emma’s scalp. She winced but left it alone. “I’ll make you some eggs and toast.”

“Um…can I just have the toast?”

Regina rubbed Emma’s shoulders. “Tell you what: I’ll make both, but you don’t have to eat it all. Just try it. I think you need more in your stomach. Do you want sourdough or wheat?”

“Sourdough. Definitely sourdough.”

Regina wasted no time as she hopped in the kitchen. The space was open, and though the cabinets were blocking Regina’s view of Emma, they were practically in the same room. “Good news. I spoke with Ruby this morning, and I made her promise not to kill you.”

She heard Emma groan as she busied herself with the eggs and getting all the fixings Emma could want for her toast on a serving tray. She finished by pouring Emma a cup of coffee and brought her breakfast in to her.

“Thank you,” Emma whispered as she sipped her coffee.

Regina returned to her own seat and watched quietly as Emma took a tentative bite of her toast. “You sure you’re feeling alright?”

Emma took a sip of her coffee as Regina sat down to return to her own. “Yeah. I could just um…use a shower.”

Regina smiled, “After you eat, I’ll set you up in the bathroom.”

“Regina, thank you,” Emma said very seriously, forgetting her toast as she looked Regina pointedly in the eye. “I’m truly sorry about last night.”

Regina sighed, and closed her eyes. She had to choose her words carefully. From what August had explained to her, what Emma had done had been downright reckless. What’s more, it wasn’t the first time. It wasn’t unheard of for Emma to put herself in less than safe positions while on the job. But despite what Regina may feel, she had no right to tell Emma how to do her job, and even though all her instincts were screaming their demands, she wasn’t Emma’s mother.

She winced involuntarily as the thought crossed her mind and swallowed it away. “I know you are,” she decided to say. “I don’t want you to feel badly about my coming out last night. That was something I not only wanted to do, but insisted on it. I do, however, have some hesitations about how you got into the situation in the first place.”

She saw Emma flinch at the comment, but she also nodded her head. “Yeah, I know.” Her voice was so tiny that Regina had to lean in to hear her. She decided not to chide her to speak up.

“I know you don’t like your friends fussing over you. I thought my coming out would be better than Ruby or Mary Margaret interrogating you. And I also could hardly sit still the moment I found out, so not coming wasn’t an option. But, Emma, whatever made you go to a drug dealer’s house by yourself?”

All she got was a shrug, and Regina realized that Emma wasn’t touching her food anymore.

She sighed and leaned forward. “Try the eggs? Please?” she asked, knowing she needed to not harp on the situation.

Emma picked up her fork and took a tentative bite of the eggs. Regina watched her chew them with a serious thinking face, and when she swallowed, she looked up at Regina and gave her those puppy eyes. “They’re super fluffy.”

Regina smiled. “Those are my special eggs.”

“They’re really good,” she said as she took another bite, and sighed. “I guess I should probably call August and thank him, huh?”

Regina chuckled. “Probably. You know, for someone who is very adamant about being independent, you have a lot of good people looking out for you. How’d the two of you start to work together?”

“We’re both freelance. I’m technically a bail bondsman, he’s more on the bounty hunter end. We figured out a few years ago that we make a pretty good team, so we work together a lot. He’s a cocky little bastard, but he’s a good guy.”

Regina smiled. “He seemed very sweet. I’m a fan.”

“Oh god,” Emma scoffed. “I don’t have enough coffee in me to handle imagining the two of you teaming up against me.” Emma could see Regina watching her from her seat at the table, delicately sipping her coffee. “Don’t you have work today?” Emma asked carefully, and Regina could see that Emma was hoping that the answer wasn’t that Regina had to cancel due to her own stupidity.

Regina just shrugged. “I’ve got plenty of paperwork that could use my attention right here. Perks of owning your own practice. And you, my dear, are going to stay right here with me where I can keep an eye on you.”

“Regina, no. Seriously, I’ve given you enough trouble. I can go…”

But before Emma could finish, Regina was shaking her head and giving Emma a very serious, purposeful look. “This isn’t up for discussion, Emma. You have a concussion, and I’m not letting you out of my sight until you are out of the woods. You can beat yourself up about it later, but right now, your ego is the last thing on my mind. You made a bad choice, and you scared me. Now you have to deal with the consequences.”

Emma, who blushed furiously as Regina gave her a purposeful look, and she took a bite of her toast. After chewing in deep thought for a moment, asked “is this what you meant? About taking care of me?”

Regina paused before composing herself. Emma really did have a knack for blurting out the most random things. It kept Regina on her toes, and she couldn’t help but grin the tiniest bit. “What do you mean by ‘this’?”

Emma sighed, rounding up the courage to move forward. “Look, I don’t have a ton of dating experience, as you know. But I’ve had some, and I know that what we have…it’s special. Or different. Whichever. And I’m just wondering, these…things…all you’re doing for me…is this what you meant?”

Regina was very still as she looked Emma over, pursing her lips before answering. It was the first time Emma saw Regina look truly uncomfortable. “Actual serious and avoidable injury aside, yes. This is what makes me happy. It’s called Caregiving.”

Emma let the term sink into her brain. The sound of it certainly fit the experiences she had had so far with Regina. “And is it…like…a big part of being a Domme?”

Regina’s smile widened then as she gave Emma her full attention. “Before I answer, I’ll point out that most individuals are protective and nurturing to someone they very much care about. And I care for you very much, Emma.” She paused as she watched Emma hide behind her coffee mug, but saw a little unavoidable grin tweak the corner of Emma’s mouth. “As for it being a big part of being a Domme: not exactly in the way you’re thinking. Aftercare is a huge part of being a Domme. You want to make sure your subs are okay with whatever you just put them through. However, with Caregiving, it’s the entire point, not the afterthought. It’s more of a role in a different faction of The Scene.”

“Do you…do you Caregive a lot when you Play?”

Regina gave Emma a very soft smile. “To be honest, I’ve stayed away from it. For me, it’s too intimate. I obviously give good Aftercare, but I’ve never felt right about being a Caregiver with somebody I don’t have emotions for. It’s more than Play for me.”

She saw Emma swallow, as she mulled over those words. Emma’s chest was rising and falling much more forcefully than usual, and Regina decided that it was time to change the subject. “Are you done mangling your toast?”

Emma looked down, and Regina laughed when she looked surprised that she had torn apart more pieces than she had eaten.

“Come,” Regina got up. “You need to take a shower. I even have a new toothbrush around here somewhere. I think it would do you some good to freshen up. Then you are going back to sleep for a little while.”

She set Emma up in the bathroom, and went to work changing the sheets so that Emma had a nice, clean bed to take a nap in. The bathroom was connected to her bedroom, and Regina kept her ears sharp for any sign that Emma might lose her balance or need help.

When Emma peaked in to the bedroom ten minutes later, Regina laughed at her wet and tangled hair and the clothes she had let Emma borrow that were clearly out of Emma’s norm. Regina had given her a pair of baggy flannel pajama bottoms, an AC/DC t-shirt, and slipper socks that Emma had stuffed the pajamas inside of. “I might have forgotten to let you borrow a hairbrush?”

Emma just bit her bottom lip, which made Regina drop all her chores and wrap Emma up in a tight embrace. She leaned in to kiss her for the first time that morning. It was long and breathtaking, making Regina moan a tiny bit into Emma’s mouth. Emma melted underneath her, her hands finding their way to Regina’s shoulders. Regina broke the kiss and pressed her face into the side of Emma’s hair, taking in a deep breath. “You smell amazing,” she whispered.

“I smell like you,” Emma said with a tiny laugh, her voice quieter than Regina had ever heard it.

She managed to pull Emma in closer, and Regina reveled in the chill that went down Emma’s spine when she whispered into her hair. “You truly scared me last night, Darling.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Emma said in the same tiny voice, nuzzling herself into the crook of Regina’s neck.

Regina rested her cheek on the top of Emma’s head, and just breathed in the serenity of the moment. “No more heroics. If anything had happened to you…I would have been devastated,” she confessed, holding her breath.

Emma sighed underneath her, and she felt Emma’s fingers grip harder onto her shoulders, a sign that her words hadn’t scared Emma at all. Regina smiled and gently pulled Emma away. “How about you take another nap, and when you wake up, I’ll make you those pancakes you love?”

A sweet smile slid over Emma’s features, and she bit her lip. “Are you gunna stay with me?”

“If you want me to,” Regina whispered, planting another kiss on Emma’s head. She felt Emma nod against her, and she guided her to the bed. Pulling the covers back, she motioned for Emma to get in, but when Emma crawled on the bed, she grabbed Regina around the waist, and pulled her down too. Regina let out a surprised laugh as she fell on top of Emma, and Emma wrapped her legs around Regina and pulled her in to a hungry kiss. Regina fell into it for a moment, reveling in the sweet scent of a newly showered Emma and soft touch of her lips.

“I want you to,” Emma breathed hard as she pulled away from the kiss, and Regina noted Emma’s hips rising off the mattress to meet with her thigh.

Regina’s head swam. Emma’s face was flushed with that shade of pink that drove her wild, her eyes were dilated and staring up at her with that hope that made Regina melt. The labor of her breathing caused Regina’s instincts to kick in, and she felt herself become hot all over. But as quickly as the sensation hit her, Regina made herself come back down to reality, and with enormous difficulty, her entire body screaming for her mouth to shut up, she retreated from Emma. Taking her hands and forcing Emma’s arms away from around her neck, she panted as she made Emma look directly into her eyes. “Emma, after all the times I haven’t given in, what on Earth makes you think I’ll make love to you when you’re sleep deprived and concussed?”

That favorite shade of pink on Emma’s cheeks turned crimson red, and Emma groaned in response, biting her bottom lip. “I know,” she finally said, taking a deep breath and choosing to ignore the term _making love_ Regina chose as opposed to sex.

Regina chuckled, and leaned in to give Emma a kiss on the nose. “You’ll be the death of me, Little One.”

Emma gave an involuntary moan as she huffed her frustration, which only made Regina more amused. But she refrained from amusing Emma any further, and asked: “Emma, all joking aside, are you okay with what we discussed?”

Emma’s breath hitched, and she looked up at Regina with those huge green eyes. She nodded her head in response. “Yeah, but…can I have some time?”

“Of course you can, Sweetie. Anything you need. Can I trust you to tell me when you aren’t comfortable?”

Emma finally let out a breath. “Yes. I promise I will.”

Regina smiled wide. “Good girl,” she murmured as she pecked Emma on the lips. She rolled over slowly, bringing Emma with her so that she was on her back, and Emma was nuzzled up to her chest. The content sigh that came out of Emma made Regina’s heart swell, and she squeezed Emma tightly.

She let go immediately when she heard Emma give a hissing sound and felt her curl in on herself. Regina immediately sat up, looking Emma over. “What? Where does it hurt?”

Emma didn’t need to give a verbal response, as she unconsciously looked over her shoulder as if she could see the damage underneath the shirt. Regina wasted no time to scoot behind Emma and roll the collar of her baggy AC/DC shirt down, revealing a giant black and blue bruise carrying itself from Emma’s shoulder blade down to her ribs. “Oh, Emma…” Regina sighed, her instincts kicking in over any type of propriety she was trying to hold back for Emma’s comfort.

“The doctor said nothing was broken.” Emma answered, her voice showing no conviction. It clearly was bothering her enough without a break.

“Honestly, Emma, where else are you hurt?” The tone in Regina’s voice made it unmistakable that she meant business, and she saw Emma’s face give in to the demand.

“That’s it. I swear. My head, my wrists, and my shoulder. That’s where I fell down when he tackled me.”

Regina felt a flash of hot anger and knew she hadn’t hidden the expression in time when she saw Emma purse her lips and absentmindedly rub her wrists, waiting for Regina’s reaction. Regina caught it, and she could see the anxiety building up in Emma’s face. That softened her immediately, and instead of pushing the subject, she cupped a hand over Emma’s cheek and guided her back down to the bed, laying Emma on her side so that her bruised shoulder wasn’t on the mattress. She laid down next to Emma, and pulled her in. “You’re okay now, Darling. I’m right here.”

Emma relaxed into Regina, her hands resting on Regina’s chest as Regina put her arms around her and held her, rubbing up and down Emma’s spine as softly as she could. Regina smiled to herself when she felt Emma scoot her leg in between Regina’s, and soon they were intertwined around one another, Emma’s face nestled in the crook of Regina’s neck. She felt Emma’s soft and shallow breath tickle her skin as she dropped a kiss on top of Emma’s uncombed hair. “Close your eyes, Darling. I’ll wake you soon.”

She heard Emma give the tiniest whimper as she wrapped her hands around Regina’s shirt, making a fist as if she needed to hold Regina in place or convince herself that what was happening was real. Regina put her hand over the little fist and softly hummed into Emma’s hair until she felt the tickle of Emma’s breath turn deep and even with sleep.

***

Emma was back to work by Wednesday, but it didn’t stop everyone from checking in on her every fifteen minutes. Ruby was a strange balance between upset with and worried about Emma, and every time Emma left the house, she threatened: “Keep your phone on. If I text you, and you don’t text me back, I’m sending the cavalry out for you.”

Mary Margaret was much sweeter with her worry but kept fluttering around Emma and looking into her eyes as if waiting for Emma to keel over dead. “The concussion’s gone, Mary Margaret,” Emma said in annoyance on Tuesday.

Mary Margaret turned away, looking flustered. “It’s not just that,” she mused. “You’ve been acting strangely.”

“How?” Emma scoffed.

Mary Margaret shrugged. “I don’t know. Like you’ve got your mind on something.” Then she smirked and bumped Emma playfully. “That Regina has you pretty well occupied up there, I think.”

Emma blushed, but didn’t confirm or deny Mary Margaret’s suspicions. Both Ruby and Mary Margaret would have to be pretty dim to not pick up on the change in Emma’s behavior. Between the nights she had already spent with Regina, and the endless texting and calling that she and Regina did on the weekdays when they were both working, Emma’s routine was very different than it had been before the night they had gone to The Dungeon.

While Ruby and Mary Margaret were hounding Emma for every last detail of her budding relationship, Regina was having her own issues keeping her friends at bay. Katherine had called her twice in the past week. “You’ve got to come out here! There are so many subs just waiting to be picked off.”

Regina held back her laughter. “Are you and Killian pack hunting?”

“Yes! But the pack is broken without you! Where have you been, Queen Mills!”

“That’s Queen Mills Esquire to you,” Regina chided playfully. “Honestly, Katherine, I’ve been a bit preoccupied. I’ve…met someone.”

“ _Met_ someone!?” Katherine sounded as if she had just been knocked off her feet. “You’re kidding!” Regina could tell that she sounded excited, which made her feel better. She couldn’t deny that she had been avoiding her friends that she normally went out with just to keep from having this conversation. If it got around that Regina was seeing someone, then the rumors would start, and she wasn’t one to get involved with that type of nonsense.

The unavoidable reality of The Scene was that it was a small world. People talked. However, Regina steering clear of all the gossip had been one reason why she had stayed The Queen. Regina was known for her no-nonsense attitude. Still, it didn’t hurt to keep up on current events in case there was a bad Domme out there that she and her friends needed to watch out for. It wasn’t unheard of for somebody new to come onto the scene and not follow the rules or take advantage of unsuspecting subs. In those circumstances, Regina and her fellow Domme friends took it upon themselves to warn the community so that nobody got hurt. That hadn’t happened in a while. Even that creepy man who wore “crocodile makeup”, as Killian described it, wasn’t interested in surprising anyone with his more hardcore torture chamber and violent fantasies. His Playmates were all game. Though Regina and he never discussed it, she happened to know him in the professional world, as he was also a lawyer. So she at least knew enough about him to not worry.

“I have. Anyway, I’ve been laying low, keeping things just between us.”

“So, it’s serious then,” Regina could practically hear Katherine’s eyes bulge through the phone.

“I’m working on it,” she admitted. “She’s quite the catch for me.”

“Oh, she, huh?” Katherine kept teasing. “When do I get to meet this catch?”

“Maybe soon.” Regina sighed. “But seriously, Kath. Don’t expect me in the scene for a while. I’m taking a hiatus.”

“Killian is going to miss you,” Katherine said without much sadness in her own voice.

Regina rolled her eyes. “Oh please. We both know it’s you that’s going to miss me. Don’t worry. We will get together and do normal stuff soon.”

“Ugh, if that’s the only way I get to see you, then normal stuff it is. Love you, you deserter.”

Regina laughed, and hung up the phone. She couldn’t bring herself to feel bad. The Scene had been growing old for a while, and it seemed like Emma had entered her life just in time. She texted her every morning with some salutation, and the conversations usually kept up throughout the day until nighttime, when both were exhausted and shared their grievances over the phone.

“I have three guys who ran out on me. Three! I’m in the hole big time. I think I’ve got a good lead on two of them, though.”

“Just no more house parties, please.” Regina warned. “Maybe you can catch them at an ATM or something. With security guards and August with you. That sounds much safer.”

Emma chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’m not in a hurry to go through that again. How was your day?”

“I had court today. Unlike you, my guy ended up being convicted, and won’t be getting out of prison for a long time. I’m beat, and it’s almost bedtime. Have you eaten, sweetheart?”

Regina could hear Emma’s breath catch on the other end of the phone and she smiled to herself. Little Emma. She was so cute when she simply fell into Regina’s protectiveness. Regina wondered if Emma even realized how unguarded she was becoming with her.

“I had chicken nuggets and a soda.”

Regina groaned loudly. “My god, Emma. That’s terrible.”

“I’m having Eggo waffles in the morning,” Regina could hear the laughter that Emma was trying to hold back, and she let out her own laugh.

“I need to cook you some real food. Soon.”

“Agreed,” Emma’s voice turned perky instantly. “But how about I take you out to eat for once? Friday night?”

Regina felt herself blushing. “Are you asking me out on a date, Miss Swan?”

“Hell yes!”

Regina let herself laugh out loud, “Alright there, Tiger. I accept. Friday night.”

Emma was giddy and nervous all at the same time. Which seemed ridiculous seeing as how she and Regina had clearly already been dating, and had been more or less attached at the hip. But since their discussion earlier in the week, Emma had been doing some reading. The first thing that popped up when Emma Googled Caregiving was not at all what she had been expecting. A few articles she read mentioned Age Play as a form of relaxation, of one adult becoming Little going back to a simpler time in their life, when their most basic needs were taken care of by said Caretaker.

The trouble for Emma was that there was no simpler time in her life. There had never been a time her basic needs were met. In fact, there had been some circumstances from her past where the exact opposite was true: times where she had been so hungry she had eaten paper, times where she had been so tired she fell asleep on the school bus or in class, times when instead of keeping her safe, adults were the ones hurting her…

She quickly stopped her mind before it trailed too far down memory lane. If there was one thing Emma had learned, it was that being a child was unsafe, trusting someone with your needs would get you hurt.

The storm all of this created in her head was hard to tame, because with Regina, she couldn’t help but feel safe. She thought about her constantly, felt a smile creep onto her face when she remembered a soft touch or a sweet word, she had thoughts while lying in bed alone that kept her up late into the morning hours. Everything was going so well. Did Emma want to complicate that by letting Regina take care of her the way she was reading about? Emma wasn’t sure. She even read about the difference between Age Play and Age Regression. In Play, the one acting Little was conscious of it. In Regression, they were not. It sounded terrifying to suddenly lose control of yourself. However, the moment that thought came to her, she soothed her own nerves by reminding herself that Regina wouldn’t let anything happen to her, even if she were capable of something like Regression.

And that was a more startling realization than anything Emma had discovered that week. Someway, somehow, Regina had gained her trust. She had never done anything but be kind and honest and patient, and Emma didn’t see that changing anytime soon.

However, that didn’t change Emma’s mind either. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for any of this. She just wanted to take it day by day, and according to Regina, she was perfectly fine with that.

By Thursday, Emma’s usual sleep deprivation was ten-fold. She was finding a pattern between the anticipation to see Regina after a few days and her lack of sleep increasing. Luckily, Regina was a night owl like herself, and Emma was able to pass some of the time either texting or talking to Regina over the phone. However, when Regina said it was time to go to bed, that was the end of it, and Emma was forced to lay awake and try to fall asleep. It surprised her when her phone rang again after already hanging up with Regina. Looking at the clock, Emma read one in the morning; she had hung up with Regina an hour and half earlier. Maybe Regina couldn’t sleep either.

But when Emma looked at her caller ID, it wasn’t Regina’s name that popped up. It was a number she didn’t recognize. That wasn’t super uncommon for Emma. Being a bail bondsperson, she received calls from panicked family members, old clients she had helped before who used their one phone call to have her get them out of jail, or sometimes it was August pulling an all-nighter.

“This is Emma.”

The connection was fuzzy. She heard traffic and distant voices in the background. And someone breathing heavily on the line.

“Hello?”

The breathing got heavier. Emma tried to decipher if the noise she was hearing could be from the drunk tank or something similar. She was listening so intently, that what happened next sent a chill down her spine that was so strong, she froze in place.

“Emma Swan?” The voice was low, raspy, almost inhuman. It had been breathed out as if the voice were in pain or very angry. But the sound of it wasn’t the only thing that scared Emma. Few knew her full name. The common phrase was Emma in Bonds, as that was what she advertised herself as.

“Who is this?”

“You’ve made a huge mistake, Swan,” the voice rasped.

“Have I?” Emma made herself sound braver than she felt. She wasn’t used to getting creepy phone calls like this, but she was used to warding off potential creeps with her tough attitude.

“Oh yes,” the voice mused darkly. “And you’re going to regret it.”

“Is that a threat?” she scoffed.

“Peter Gold has many friends.”

Emma’s tough-girl act dropped instantly. She felt the aching in her shoulder that hadn’t quite healed yet as a quick flashback from that night flickered across her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut at the unexpected sensation. Her childhood bore many experiences that warranted flashbacks, but that didn’t make them any easier. They came out of nowhere, they were always paralyzing, and each time it took an amount of energy Emma wasn’t sure she had just to climb out of it. Luckily, she had yet to have a flashback she couldn’t get herself out of quickly, but it was always a worry, always a possibility, that some of those darker parts of her history would surface back around, stunning her into her own head.

She hadn’t had any yet from the night with Peter Gold. For Emma, that night had been tame compared to other memories that reared their ugly head ever-so-often. However, this one came immediate and strong, tapping into an older and far more dangerous feeling she had long-since suppressed. She couldn’t even bring herself to name it. She just shook it off as violently as she could.

When she recovered, she snarled into the phone. “Seriously, who the fuck is this, and what do you want?”

There was a laugh on the other end. A laugh that would stop anything in its tracks at the sheer vindictiveness that came with it. “You’ll find out, Swan. Stay safe.”

The line went dead. Emma stared at her phone for a long while until she finally punched in August’s info to call him. He picked up almost immediately. “Hey kid. Late night again?”

“I’m actually at home. Look, August, I’ve got a phone number I need you to look into. I just got a strange call.”

August’s tone changed from playful to business instantly. “What kind of a strange call?”

Emma made herself sound nonchalant with her next words. She didn’t want August worrying over her. “Just some jackass pulling pranks on me, but I think it might be related to a client. You ready for the number?” Emma left out Peter Gold’s name on purpose, and hoped that August wouldn’t figure out the connection based on what he found from the number.

“Sure kid. Shoot.”

Emma gave him the number and they rang off. She didn’t hear from the caller again that week, and had almost completely forgotten about it as her date with Regina arrived. She was far too preoccupied with cleaning out her bug for probably the first time since she had owned it, making sure her hair and face were perfect, and that she was on time to pick Regina up outside of her skyline apartment.

When Emma fetched Regina at the door, she was immediately hit with her beauty. Unlike Emma, who was clad in jeans, every day sneakers, and her favorite red leather jacket, Regina was adorned in a beautiful silk blue dress. A few of her curls were falling into her face, rugged and perfect all at once, and Emma felt her jaw drop.

Regina’s brows shot up. “Take a breath, Dear.”

Emma snapped out of it and blushed. “Sorry…sorry,” she held her arm out, and Regina took it as she giggled. “You just…look so beautiful. I probably should have told you where we were going.”

Regina stalled as she was led down the hallway, and she bumped into Emma playfully. “Oh god, what are you getting me into? I’ll give you fair warning now, I’m fantastic at miniature golf but horrible at bowling.”

“No! Christ, neither of those.” Emma felt ridiculous now with her plan. She should have known Regina was a little too refined to enjoy her usual haunts. “I um…see there’s this burger joint that I’ve been going to since I was a kid. It has, like, the best burgers on the eastern Seaboard.”

Emma was relieved to see Regina’s eyes sparkle with excitement. “I _love_ hamburgers,” she exclaimed.

“You do?” Emma’s voice turned hopeful at the sincere excitement on Regina’s face, and Regina calmed her even further by pecking her sweetly on the cheek.

“The best burgers in Boston with the most beautiful girl in Boston sounds like the world’s most perfect date.”

Regina seemed to take the car and the burger joint in stride, all the while Emma looking for clues that Regina was realizing just how below her league Emma was. But Regina showed no signs of any apprehension or expressions that she wasn’t having fun. She asked Emma what the best burger was and took her advice when she recommended the Western with onion rings.

“Tell me about this place,” Regina said as the waitress brought them their sodas.

Emma shrugged, “I used to go to school not far from here. Back when I was at this one group home. Anyway, I would skip and come here. They used to have a little arcade in the corner, and the owner was really nice and used to let me have milk shakes for free. I think he must have known something was up. I mean, as an adult now, I think who would do that for a kid obviously skipping school? It’s changed ownership since then, but their burgers never changed. Still the best, and the milkshakes too.”

Regina laughed, “I don’t know where you put it all.”

“I chase criminals for a living. I gotta keep my strength up,” Emma argued, and she was met with a wink from Regina. “Did you ever skip school?” Emma asked as their burgers came to the table. She busied herself with the ketchup bottle as she heard Regina give the low, sultry laugh that drove her crazy.

“God no. My mother would have had my head on a spike. I had friends who offered for me to come with them, but I was always too afraid she’d find out.”

“Your mom sounds like a real hardass,” Emma said as she chomped the heads off of a fist of French fries.

Regina nodded as she picked up her burger. “It wasn’t easy growing up with her. I always envied my sister. She got to go to school in England, far away from my mother’s prying eyes. She always meant well, I suppose. But coming from New England old money…well, let’s just say my mother had priorities other than affection.”

Emma swallowed her mouth full of fries and washed it down with her soda. “What do you mean?”

Sighing, Regina gave her a sad smile. “It means that propriety, and making sure your children fall in line with that propriety, was much more important than having a bond with them.” She took a bite of her burger, and Emma watched some of the tension from their conversation leave Regina’s shoulders. She looked thoughtful as she chewed and gave Emma a wink. “You weren’t joking. This is an amazing burger.”

Emma must have looked visibly relieved that Regina was enjoying herself, because Regina laughed and said, “Were you afraid I wouldn’t enjoy myself here?”

Now Emma knew she was blushing. She could feel the rush of blood heat up her face. “I’m just glad you are is all.”

“I am very much enjoying the food and the company,” she answered, and slipped off her shoe under the table. She began running her toes along Emma’s leg, whose face stayed very hot as she hid behind her burger, but she knew Regina was watching her every movement.

The ride back held a new thickness in the air that Emma hadn’t experienced yet with Regina. She seemed to be deep in thought, but smiled when Emma put her hand on Regina’s thigh in between shifting gears. She responded by petting the side of Emma’s head and lightly tugging on her ear before putting her hands back in her lap and continuing to sit quietly. Emma drove over the bridge and parked outside of the huge building that was Regina’s apartment.

Regina didn’t make any movements to take her seatbelt off, but turned to Emma and said, “I had a great time tonight. Thank you for taking me to your favorite burger place.”

Emma smirked, “You did tear into that burger. I was impressed.”

Regina danced her eyebrows up and down, “I was hoping you would be.”

Emma laughed. “Thank you for coming with me,” she felt herself blushing as she gave a toothless smile and looked down.

She heard Regina finally undoing her seatbelt, but she still didn’t get out. “Would you like to come in for a drink, Emma?”

Emma’s head shot up so quick, she nearly got whiplash. She stared at Regina with huge eyes. “Really?”

The look on Regina’s face told Emma everything that she needed to know. One, that Regina was trying not to laugh in that moment at Emma’s shock and willingness, and two, that animalistic look was back in her eyes: dark, gleaming…all Regina. She leaned in and pressed her lips up against Emma’s ear, and whispered: “yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, I'm going to be that person. Trust me, the wait will be worth it.
> 
> I have created a playlist. If you're all interested, I'll post it next week.


	7. Slipping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW!!!!!!
> 
> Happy Sunday!

That one little word sent a chill through Emma that was so obvious, she nearly groaned in embarrassment. Regina gave her low laugh and reached up to again tug playfully at the ear her lips were brushing up against. “Will you come up with me?” she whispered, and Emma burst out laughing.

“Seriously? Of course I’m coming up with you.”

Regina’s grin was so wide it nearly hurt her, and she shook her head in amusement. “My little charmer.”

The elevator ride up to the 10th floor was excruciating, Regina standing behind Emma, barely touching her hands to Emma’s hip as she dropped feather kisses on Emma’s shoulder. Emma nearly buckled under the feel of her, breath ragged as she fought to keep her eyes forward and not take Regina right then and there. She knew Regina would never allow it, but the fantasy was still a delicious delicacy in her mind.

When they finally reached the door and went inside, Regina threw her keys onto the entryway hutch unceremoniously, and wasted no time taking both of Emma’s hands. She walked backward as she guided Emma to the bedroom, all the while never breaking eye contact with Emma. She had the smallest of smiles on her face, barely detectable, her skin was already glowing with a bronze blush that set Emma’s own on fire. She could feel every bit of Regina’s raw energy flowing through her limbs, the anticipation was hardly bearable.

When they reached the bedroom, Regina came closer to her, and said one simple word: “Off,” as she helped Emma shrug her red jacket from her shoulders. Regina stepped even closer and traced the lines of Emma’s neck and shoulders with her fingers, never breaking eye contact until she leaned in and placed a feather kiss on Emma’s jaw.

Emma shivered so violently, she almost buckled right there, and it caused an immediate reaction from Regina, who put her hands under Emma’s arms with a firmer grip. “You’re alright, Darling,” she said calmly, kissing Emma sweetly on the temple and gripping at Emma’s ribs gently.

“Yeah,” Emma said shakily, putting her arms around Regina’s waist and bringing her even closer. “I want this.”

“I know you do.”

Emma decided to be bold, and moved her hands up Regina’s back, finding the zipper to Regina’s dress. It slid down her skin effortlessly, and the entire robe falling off of Regina’s body like water sliding down. Regina gave her deep, throaty laugh. “Someone’s eager,” she teased, and that sent Emma over the edge. She slammed her lips against Regina’s, tasting her desperately. The mixture of Regina’s milkshake and her own aroma filled Emma’s sense, as she was drunk off it instantly.

For the first time, Emma was staring at a half-naked Regina. Her olive skin was smooth and bare except for her bra and panties, black and lacy, shaping the brunette so perfectly, it was nearly killing Emma. “You’re so beautiful,” she breathed out, not realizing what she was saying until it was already said, and Regina’s full-toothed smile made her feel the slip-up was worth it.

Regina didn’t respond with words but grabbed onto Emma’s shirt and tugged gently. Emma took the hint and helped her peel it off until she matched Regina’s top half, clad only in her red bra that matched her jacket. Regina raised one eyebrow and looked very pleased as she ran a thumb along the fabric. When she grazed Emma’s nipple, it sent a shot right through to her core. She could see Regina hold back a smile as her hands trailed further down Emma’s body, landing on the hem of her jeans. She stilled them and looked up to meet Emma’s eyes. She wasn’t asking for permission; she knew she already had it. Emma realized with another shot to her core that Regina was checking on her, making sure she was okay. She felt a strange sensation then: that Regina doing that had felt so good, so good that her body had a physical reaction. Was that normal? She had no idea. Nobody had ever checked on her before. She tried to swallow, and realized that her throat was so dry, she could barely do it. Regina kept eye contact with her as she unbuttoned the jeans, and when Emma’s breath hitched, Regina’s eyes went darker, wilder than before.

The jeans slid down her legs, and she stepped out of them, conscious that Regina was looking her up and down, taking in her form. She felt the blood rush back to her face but was instantly satiated by Regina pulling her in, and they were falling to the bed. She landed on top of Regina, who was looking up at her with a gleam in her eyes Emma was unfamiliar with. And she felt addicted to it, addicted to finding each and every one of these little micro expressions to file away in her mind as part of Regina. She felt addicted to different ways this woman looked at her, deciphering what each one meant, how they told her a story of what Regina was feeling. And she realized breathlessly that the look she was receiving now was anticipation: Regina was nervous.

Emma leaned down and kissed Regina so softly that she felt the small moan coming out of Regina’s throat on her lips. “Emma,” she whispered. “May I tell you a secret?”

Emma pulled back to look back down at Regina, who brought a hand to Emma’s cheek and caressed her with her thumb. Emma turned her face to kiss Regina’s palm, and answered, “you can tell me anything.”

She saw Regina swallow, and a sudden feeling overcame her. This vulnerable Regina, it was unsettling in a strange and exciting way. Emma knew that this wasn’t a side Regina liked to show, but here she was offering it to her. For the first time, Emma felt protective of Regina. It was an incredible feeling, both assuring that she wasn’t the only one with vulnerabilities, and feeling protective of anyone other than herself. She found it amazing that Regina was willing to share it with her.

Before Regina spoke, she took Emma’s hand in her own, and guided it down her abdomen. Emma pressed her fingers and palm to Regina’s skin as Regina helped her slide them down to the hem of her black panties. She stopped her there, and entwined their fingers, then she leaned forward and brought her lips to Emma’s ear. “I want you inside me,” she sighed. “But I need you to go slow. I haven’t been made love to in over five years.”

“ _What_?” Emma jerked her head back to catch Regina’s eyes. She shook her head and stared at this lovely, amazing woman that was flush against her skin, underneath her. “How?” she managed to sputter after several failed attempted to speak a full sentence. “Regina…you’re…well…”

Regina’s face suddenly lit up with a much more familiar expression; that toothy smile that spread from ear to ear, clearly on the verge of laughter. “A dominatrix,” she giggled. “Yes, I am.”

Emma found herself laughing lightly too, still trying to wrap her brain around what Regina was telling her.

Regina put her hand under Emma’s chin to guide their lips together in one sweet and short kiss. “I never let them touch me,” she whispered in a strangely seductive voice that sent a shiver down Emma’s spine.

“Ever?” Emma gulped, realizing that there were more layers to Regina than met the eye. She was open, personable, and endearing. But also secretive, guarded, just like Emma. She loved to Play, she’d told Emma as much. But she’d also told Emma that the one thing that truly made her happy was something she couldn’t bring herself to do with her Playmates; she couldn’t be their Caregiver. It was too intimate for Play for her. And now she was telling Emma that she had even guarded her body. All those years, she’d managed to earn her reputation without a single person being able to do what she, Emma, was doing right now, was about to do. She felt herself shaking again, even though she was hot all over.

“No,” Regina answered. Giving Emma that soft smile that seemed to be assigned only to her. There were so many things that were only for her… “But I want you to touch me, Emma,” she unlocked her fingers around Emma’s and guided their hands underneath her panty line. “I want you here,” and Emma groaned when she felt the wetness that was waiting for her there. Regina moved her hand away and placed both of them on Emma’s face, making their eye contact very intense as Emma grabbed the hem of Regina’s panties and slid them down her legs. Regina complied, shifted them off, and then positioning her legs around Emma’s waist.

Emma trailed her hand up Regina’s thigh, breaking eye contact with Regina to watch the tiny tremors her soft olive-colored skin formed when Emma’s fingertips brushed them with feather-like strokes. She swallowed the lump in her throat when she reached Regina’s center and found the wetness drenching itself along her slit. She felt her own juices releasing inside her panties just at the sensation of it on her fingertips, and she felt Regina grab her shoulders forcefully in anticipation. Emma took the hint and leaned down to leave a trail of kisses on Regina’s neck as she ran her fingers along Regina’s opening, massaging her folds and teasing her clit with one circular motion that made Regina release the tiniest noise. It was enough to send a wave of pleasure through Emma’s body.

“Fuck. Regina.” She pressed a finger to Regina’s opening, and it was immediately consumed as Regina impatiently bucked her hips up to meet the touch. A shock went all over Emma as she felt Regina’s hot cunt around her finger, and she pressed it against the spongy spot that made Regina curl further into her. She slid her finger out, trying to memorize the feeling of Regina’s most secret place that she had been fantasizing about for weeks now, and then pushed it back in, earning another tiny moan. Regina was tight, and though Emma knew she could add a finger, she didn’t want to make anything about this perfection hurt. Even a good hurt. So she reluctantly pulled her finger out.

Regina gave a grunt of disapproval, but Emma earned her favor back as she trailed down Regina’s chest with her mouth, tasting the sweet sweat that was appearing on her clavicle. She moved to Regina’s right breast and bit the side as gently as she could before taking Regina’s nipple in her mouth. Immediately, Regina’s back arched, and she brought a hand down on Emma’s head to hold her there.

Emma was surprised by the sensation that came over her as she wrapped her lips around Regina’s erect nipple. The moment it happened, she hummed involuntarily, and when Regina put her hand on Emma’s head and massaged her hair, she felt herself getting heavy. Like she wanted to stay there, lay there with Regina all night in this perfect moment, tasting her, reveling in feeling Regina’s heart beat and her chest rising and falling with her breath. And when Regina spoke, the euphoria she felt shocked her. “Oh god…you’re such a good girl Emma,” Regina breathed out shakily.

Emma mewled around Regina’s breast, and felt the heat burning her cheeks at the admittance of bliss that it betrayed. She sucked Regina’s nipple in gently, feeling it harden under her tongue, and sighed at the beautiful groan that escaped Regina’s lips. The softness of the skin here made Emma’s head swim, and she felt a sudden desperation to cling to this, to suck Regina in further and not let go until she lost all sensibility.

She realized then that she was gripping Regina’s thighs with both hands, and Regina was beginning to buck into her, and reluctantly, she pulled her lips away to continue with her original plan. She heard Regina give a sigh in protest as her nipple now being neglected, and made a mental note of the feeling that had just engulfed her, but she kept up her mantra of trailing kisses and tiny bites down Regina’s abdomen until her mouth was in front of Regina’s opening. She breathed in the sweet smell, watching the beautiful woman beneath her take in huge gulps of air in anticipation. Regina spread her legs further apart, and Emma took her tongue and licked it from the bottom of Regina’s opening all the way up to her clit, where she closed her lips around and gave a long, hard suck.

Regina’s breath hitched, and she froze underneath Emma for just a split second before releasing a huge sigh of pleasure, returning her hand to Emma’s head and holding on to a curly blond lock. Emma removed her lips and repeated the gesture, licking all the way up Regina’s opening. She tasted divine; a mixture of Regina’s own amazing smell and the hot arousal that Emma was causing. It was intoxicating, it made Emma’s head swim. She felt a new gush of wetness flood her panties at the same moment that Regina released her own, and she moaned against Regina’s clit as she captured it once again in her mouth.

She thought Regina would melt right there, legs spreading as far as they would go, head tilted back all the way to reveal that amazing jawline, taught with pleasure. Her hands were buried in Emma’s hair as Emma lapped at Regina’s wetness, tongue capturing the most sensitive part of this incredible woman and making her nearly cry out. Emma could feel how swollen Regina’s cunt had become, and she took it as a cue to bring her finger back to Regina’s opening. As she sucked Regina’s clit in between her teeth, she pushed two fingers deeply inside. They slid in effortlessly and were met with a hot new spurt of pleasure. Regina’s hips came off of the mattress completely, and she let out the most incredible noise Emma had ever heard: her name, drawn out in a helpless whimper as her face was pushed more firmly into Regina’s core.

“Emma…oh… _god_!” Regina’s voice dripped with pleasure as she moved her hips in a smooth movement with Emma’s pumping in and out of her. Each time Emma’s fingers made their exit, she rubbed up roughly against Regina’s spongy center, making Regina’s walls clench around her fingers tightly. She wanted to hear Regina say those words again and again, willing it to happen with quick flicks of her tongue against Regina’s sensitive button, all the while sucking it in as much as she could. Regina began chanting incoherently, her legs beginning to shake, hips never meeting the mattress as she threw her head from side to side. “I’m gunna…I’m gunna come… _Emma_.”

Emma hummed deeply against Regina’s clit. The reaction was instant. Regina’s entire body went rigid, frozen in a moment of bliss, Emma’s fingers held in place by the vice grip that Regina’s walls had them in. Then she collapsed, her body shuttering violently as her walls opened up and a flood of wetness covered Emma’s hand. Emma released her mouth from Regina’s clit as she watched her writhe, the most incredible sounds escaping her mouth as her orgasm crashed over her. Her hands held Emma’s wet face as she tried to get ahold of herself and calm down. Emma massaged Regina’s walls with her fingers, helping her ride out wave after wave of the orgasm that had escaped her.

When Regina gained enough composure, she made Emma come up to meet her, and Emma happily obliged, crashing her lips into Regina’s. “That,” Regina panted. “That was…”

“Amazing?” Emma danced her eyebrows up and down with a smirk spreading across her face.

Regina laughed, still coming down from her high. “Yes. You brat,” she bit Emma’s lower lip and Emma finished it off with another hungry kiss, running her hand through Regina’s sweaty hair.

Emma kissed Regina’s neck, “You are so beautiful,” she whispered. She felt incredible, images of Regina’s exquisite face as she came floating through her mind, the amazing feeling on her fingers as Regina willed her to stay deep within her. It sent a hot shudder throughout her body. One that Regina didn’t miss.

Before she knew what was happening, she found herself on her back with Regina looming over her. The motion had been so quick, she didn’t have time to react. But instead of feeling intimidated, she felt oddly calmed when all Regina did was caress her bare abdomen and thighs with a smooth and warm hand. It wasn’t until that moment that it occurred to her that Regina being underneath Emma and admitting such vulnerabilities had not been an accident. She knew that Emma had her hesitations about how Regina might act in the bedroom, and she had taken steps to make Emma feel equal, just as in control, safe. She felt zero hesitation now as she watched Regina glide her eyes from Emma’s toes all the way up until they met her own, and then leaned in for a soft kiss. Emma responded immediately, and lifted a hand to cup Regina’s cheek, trying to gain purchase and deepen the kiss. Regina allowed it for a little while, but pulled away eventually with a little chuckle as she heard Emma’s protesting groan. Emma didn’t realize it, but her toes were curled tightly, and her feet were lightly rubbing up and down the comforter in a nervous tick. Regina hummed and continue her caresses down Emma’s abdomen until she reached her panties.

Emma let out a gasp as she felt Regina cup her sex, and she immediately responded by spreading her legs apart and grabbing onto Regina’s shoulders. “R’gina,” she panted.

“Sshh…” Regina whispered so softly next to Emma’s ear that it only made her respond more. She felt a new wave of wetness slip out of her core, and she could feel herself turning crimson at the shame and the anticipation. “You’re trembling,” Regina said, rubbing her palm up and down Emma’s thigh. Emma could only nod in response. Regina gave her that soft smile that she was falling in love with, that calmed her instantly, as she leaned down to whisper to Emma: “What’s my promise to you, Little One?”

Emma’s breath hitched as she stared up at Regina, suddenly mesmerized by the combination of that look and her tone, calmed into a state of placidity.

“Hm?” Regina coaxed her kindly.

“Ss..safe.” Emma managed.

“Sentences, Emma,” the voice hardened only slightly, eyes twinkling a slight expectation, but that reassuring smile going nowhere as she stared down dotingly on Emma’s body.

Emma boldened her muscles to answer, though she didn’t feel bold at all. She felt abuzz with a delicious submission. “You’ll keep me safe.”

“I will,” Regina’s hand rubbed over Emma’s panties, just barely grazing Emma’s clit as she did so. Then she moved her hand up, and her fingers went inside Emma’s panties. The shiver it sent through Emma was almost unbearable. She needed Regina. Now.

“You’re so wet,” Regina murmured as she caressed Emma’s slit with the slightest touch. “Do you want me inside you, Emma?”

“Yes!” Emma answered instantly, her hips moving up to meet Regina’s hand, who expertly moved it back so that Emma couldn’t find more friction.

That wonderfully throaty chuckle came out of Regina’s mouth as she nipped gently on Emma’s earlobe. “Good girl,” she praised.

Those words sent Emma over the edge. She grabbed at Regina, and fastened her arms and legs around Regina’s body, crushing Regina’s hand inside Emma’s panties. She was wild, devoid of any inhibitions. She had no idea that mere words could make her go temporarily insane. Regina’s sultry voice was everything in those moments, her touches setting fire to her very skin. “Please,” she heard herself say, though she didn’t recognize her own voice.

The smile that showed itself on Regina’s face was both triumph and amusement. She seemed to have taken Emma’s outburst in stride, stilling herself to wait to see what Emma would do next, and then adapting to Emma’s needs by wrapping her free arm protectively around Emma and holding her close to her. Emma didn’t even realize that she was off of the mattress, and that Regina was holding her upper body up with her one strong arm, the other still in between Emma’s legs, waiting for Emma to catch her breath. “Please what?”

“Please!” was all Emma could muster the coherence to say. And what Regina did next left Emma’s brain to mush and her body went absolutely electric.

Regina brought her lips as close to Emma’s as possible without letting them touch, her arm bringing Emma in even closer, and her hand now stroking over and around Emma’s dripping cunt. “What, baby?” she asked in the most breathtaking voice Emma had yet to hear from her. “Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you.”

The nickname grabbed hold of something in Emma that vibrated down every part of her being. All she could reply with was an incoherent humming and the bucking of her hips to meet Regina’s hand, so Regina made it easier for her. “Is this what you want?” she asked as she dipped a single finger into Emma’s core.

The sensation left Emma a puddle in Regina’s arms, and she let out a long, low moan as she nodded her head. Regina kissed the corner of Emma’s mouth, “That’s my good girl,” she praised, pulling her finger out and pushing it back in, making sure her digit hit the spongy spot of Emma’s opening. “Do you want more, baby?”

Emma nodded again and threw her head back in a delicious groan as she felt another one of Regina’s digits enter her. She felt another gush of wetness leave her, and this time she only felt more arousal from it.

Regina noticed too and leaned forward to kiss Emma’s exposed neck. “You’re so soft. I want to watch you come around my fingers. Would you like that, Emma?”

Emma couldn’t respond even if she wanted to. This was more than anybody had ever said during any sex combined, and it was driving her absolutely wild. Had she known that it would be such a turn-on, she would have demanded it of her previous partners long ago. But all she could focus on was the moment, her body curled around this beautiful, warm woman, her cunt being filled by her strong yet gentle fingers. Emma began to move her hips in rhythm to Regina’s steady pumping, and with every entry and retreat, the pace quickened until Regina had had enough of the restraints of Emma’s panties, and removed her fingers begrudgingly to slide them roughly down Emma’s legs.

Emma kicked them off thoughtlessly, her only consideration was to have Regina’s body inside hers again, to feel her press herself against her most sensitive spot. The moment Regina was back in, Emma’s throat let out a guttural cry of appreciation, and she felt her hip raise completely off of Regina’s lap to meet her probing hand with more force.

Once Regina realized what was happening, Emma saw her eyes go so dark, there was no visual of those warm, chocolaty irises. Instead, they were hooded and black with arousal, her breathing speeding up ten-fold, and Emma cried out as she felt Regina slam into her deeper and harder, her palm hitting against Emma’s clit in the most satisfying way. But the moment the sound left her, she felt Regina slow down, and Emma saw her eyes were coming back to a more familiar look of care and concern.

“Emma? Am I hurting you?”

“No! No don’t stop. Please. You feel so good,” Emma blabbered, trying desperately to gain that friction back.

Emma could see Regina sobering quickly to prepare to stop if Emma needed her to, and it sent a panic though Emma. She needed Regina to continue. “Do you promise?” Regina asked, pausing.

“Promise. Please!”

Regina slowly gained momentum again, testing Emma’s reaction for any sign of pain or distress. “Does this feel good, Darling?”

“R’gina…” Emma whimpered, her legs starting to shake, a familiar build up arising in her belly. “R’gina.”

“Tell me, Little One. How good is R’gina making you feel?” the words were dripping with lust. Emma could feel Regina’s heart beating quickly and firmly, and she involuntarily pressed her face into Regina’s chest to get closer to it.

“So good…” she managed. “So close…”

“Are you gunna come, Emma?”

Fuck, it was hard to keep any composure when Regina was talking to her like that. Emma was all cunt; Regina’s fingers soothing their way in and out of her clenching walls, her clit being pressed in a maddeningly even rhythm to keep her dangling on the edge, Regina letting Emma latch onto her as if she were a life vest. Emma couldn’t even begin to worry about how pitiful she looked right then, knowing that Regina had Emma right where she wanted her: whimpering underneath her, pliable as putty in her lap, a pool of her own arousal dripping down her thighs. And the strange thing was that Emma was relishing it, couldn’t believe how incredible it was making her feel, couldn’t wrap her mind around the actual _power_ that this vulnerability gave her. Because when she looked up into Regina’s eyes, she could tell that in that moment that Regina would have done anything, would have given her anything, if it meant she got to have Emma like this over and over.

That realization made her go rigid, her body feeling as though it was doused in a warm, incredible shock. She grabbed Regina like a lifeline as she erupted in pleasure, crying out in her arms, her hips pumping to meet Regina’s hand as she rode out her orgasm. She’d never had one so long, so amazingly torturous, and she found herself panting heavily, arms around Regina’s neck, head rested on Regina’s shoulder, spent.

Regina slowly slid her fingers out of Emma, and embraced her. As Emma felt her breathing return to normal, the world was coming back to her. It was only then that she realized that Regina was cradling Emma’s head to her shoulder and rocking them slowly on the bed.

She kissed Emma’s hair. “Are you alright?”

“Mmm,” Emma answered, nuzzling in closer and inhaling the smell of sex coming off her lover.

Regina chuckled that incredible raspy chuckle and rubbed up and down Emma’s back. “I’ll take that as a yes. You are so amazing, my Little Emma.”

Emma felt herself smile against Regina’s bare skin. Drunk off her orgasm, Regina’s rocking was lulling her further into a state she’d never experienced. She felt like she had no bones, no muscles to speak of, just her breathing and her oh-so-sensitive skin. All of the things that had raced through her mind since she had met Regina, and especially that week: they weren’t scary at that moment. They were clicking into place. They were the wonderful thing about this feeling of being held by this strong and beautiful woman, who she knew would never hurt her. All she could think of was being consumed by Regina, held by Regina. Her throat felt tight, the confusing emotions catching there all at once. To ease them, she turned her head so that her face was pressed against Regina’s slender neck, and she wrapped her mouth around her index and middle finger that had previously been inside of her lover. She tasted the familiar taste of Regina on them, and her eyes rolled in the back of her head as she sucked, making a strange whimpering sound that sent vibrations through them both. It was as if she had lost all ability to hold back, and a part of her dreaded it, and another part of her wanted to sink further inside of it.

“Sshh,” She felt Regina’s strong hand smooth down her hair as she cradled her closer, making Emma’s mind up for her. “It’s okay, baby. You’re alright. Close your eyes.” It was amazing, as if she knew what Emma was feeling, was needing. As if it was so obvious to her the conflict within Emma but also the need for Regina to reassure her.

The tenderness in her voice left no doubt in Emma’s mind; she was safe here. She could close her eyes, and give in to this feeling, give in to this moment, this bliss. The new name Regina kept using for her tethered her even further to those strong arms that held her close as they rocked. She felt that feeling again; the one from her first night with she’d stayed with Regina. Like she was floating into a dream that had previously been forbidden for her.

Regina hummed softly, cradling Emma’s head and rubbing soothing circles on the small of Emma’s back. Emma had so far disobeyed Regina’s request to close her eyes, trying desperately to hold onto this moment. But she was quickly losing the battle as she continued to suck the rest of the flavor off of her fingers. Her eyes drooped in betrayal, but she jerked awake quickly to try to counter it.

Regina felt it right away, of course, and her rocking that had been slowing sped up once more to a steady, soothing rhythm. “It’s okay, I’m right here baby. Go to sleep…” She started to make a continuous shushing noise, and Emma realized that she wasn’t going to win this delicious fight. Slowly giving in, she sighed heavily and closed her eyes. Almost immediately, she fell asleep in Regina’s embrace.

**

Regina turned over in her sleep, a continuous sound harking her back to consciousness. When she finally came round, she found herself alone in the bed, the covers pulled down, and heard Emma mumbling in the corner. Rolling onto her stomach, Regina opened her eyes and looked to where Emma had answered her phone. Her naked figure was turned away from her, hair thrown about, voice thick with sleep.

“No seriously, who the fuck is this?”

Regina’s body snapped awake at the anxiety in Emma’s voice. She sat up in bed as she heard Emma whisper, “don’t call me again.” When Emma turned around, she nearly jumped out of her skin. “Regina!” she put her hand on her chest. “You scared me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Is everything alright?” she couldn’t help the worry in her voice as she watched Emma gain her composure and throw her phone back on the lounge chair.

“Yeah. Fine.” Emma shrugged and tried to look nonchalant as she came back towards the bed and crawled in next to Regina.

Regina narrowed her eyes, but opened the covers for Emma to crawl into her arms. Regina laid them back down to the pillows, and combed through Emma’s hair with her fingers as Emma pressed her face into Regina’s chest. “Who was on the phone?” she tried to sound less concerned than she felt.

Emma hummed, “No idea. Just some kids playing pranks.”

Regina didn’t press any further as Emma nuzzled closer to her, but she didn’t feel at all at ease by Emma’s assurance. Emma had sounded scared when she had spoken to whoever was on the line. It was a tone that Regina was vaguely familiar with, as Emma had been uneasy around Regina more than once. This voice was that uneasiness times one hundred.

Regina pulled Emma in closer, planting a kiss on Emma’s head. She was rewarded by a soft whimper as Emma draped her arm over Regina’s waist. “What time is it?” Emma asked.

Regina glanced at the clock by her bed. Nearly one in the morning. “Time for you to go back to sleep, Little One,” she whispered as she rubbed Emma’s back in small circles.

It took Emma a while before her breathing evened out, but once Regina was sure she was back asleep, she stopped her hands from their mantras, and allowed herself to join Emma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say thank you again for amazing comments, and even a few theories on what is going to happen between the two characters. I won't give anything away, but suffice it to say that our couple are going to have a very interesting ride, and I've been writing like crazy recently. So thank you! I'm hoping you liked the chapter, and it was worth the wait. I know lots of people can be picky about how these scenes go, but I tried to just write it as true to who I thought the characters were and tried to trust in that. You will see them very soon. You know the drill by now: if not Wednesday, then Sunday.  
> ;-)


	8. Hello

Emma spent the entire weekend with Regina, so by Monday, Regina felt a heaviness in her chest watching Emma leave for work. She had her own work to attend to, but knew she’d be very distracted as she thought about the times she had taken Emma into her arms and made her cry out Regina’s name or Emma falling asleep in her lap on the couch as Regina held her.

“I’ll call you at lunch,” Emma smiled at her, pulling Regina in for a hug and pecking her on the lips. Regina knew she was showing weakness then because she could sense Emma trying to comfort her.

She put on a bright smile to save face. “Okay. In the meantime, no house parties please,” she squeezed Emma’s butt cheeks playfully, making her squeal.

“Yes ma’am,” Emma laughed, and when Regina made an involuntary grimace, Emma cocked on eyebrow. “Not your favorite euphemism?” she inquired with a grin.

Regina rolled her eyes as she couldn’t help the smile that spread on her face. “Not even close,” she winked.

Emma chuckled again. “Then what? You prefer Miss or Mom?” And Emma’s eyes widened slightly when Regina felt herself turn pink. Then her grin spread as she brought Regina closer and kissed her again. “Note taken,” she whispered.

It wasn’t until Emma drove away that Regina let her face fall again. She hadn’t wanted the weekend to end. It had been one of the best of her life. But life had to go on.

She called Zelena as she got ready for work. Zelena made her spit out every detail, although she skirted most of the more intimate ones. “You should bring her to Turkey Day!” Zelena insisted, and Regina had to scoff at her.

“We’ve just started dating. One sure way to get rid of her is to put her in the same room with you and Mother.”

“I promise I’ll behave, Bun. Anyway, when will you see each other again?”

“Probably later this week,” Regina sighed, hoping she didn’t have to wait until another Friday to see Emma. At the same time, she was reminding herself that both of them were very busy people, and she could easily fill up her week with work.

She was due at the courthouse that day, and would need to have her head in the game if she wanted to get her assailant prosecuted.

She did alright in court, but the defendant didn’t get as much time as Regina would have liked for a sexual assault and domestic violence case. Those were the cases that bothered her the most; when she had to look in her client’s eyes and see that they had been altered forever, and not be able to deliver the maximum punishment. So, it was a nice relief when Emma called her right when she said she would.

“Hi sweetie,” she chimed, instantly recognizing the difference in her voice from court to talking with Emma. “How’s your day going?”

“Good,” Emma said, and she sounded like she was slurping on a straw. “First I went running on the water this morning. Then I caught a guy trying to skip town. Don’t worry: August was with me. How was your day?”

Regina let out a tiny laugh, “better now.”

“I miss you,” Emma said in a more serious tone, and the admission stopped Regina’s heart.

She pressed her lips together and made herself sound stronger than she felt. “I miss you too.”

She heard Emma chuckle on the other end. “We’re not so good at taking things slow, are we?”

Regina threw her head back and laughed at that, relieved that she wasn’t the only one in her predicament. “No, I guess not. You’re just too irresistible for me.”

And Emma was. The images of Emma coming undone in her arms filled her head. The sound of Emma’s cooing when she was tired and couldn’t resist being just slightly Little imprinted on her heart. She hadn’t completely gone under yet, but she was becoming addicted to how organically Emma was making her Little self known.

In the meantime, she’d have to be patient before she saw her again.

**

When Emma rang off, she sat in her car and thought for a little while. She really did miss Regina, and that wasn’t an easy thing for her to admit. Her life had quickly become consumed with the strong and gentle creature that had for some ungodly reason decided to gear her affections towards Emma. She couldn’t figure it out, but her walls were slowly weakening because of it, and she couldn’t bring herself to feel panic from that fact.

She wanted to see that confident woman melt underneath her embrace and show the same vulnerabilities that Emma felt inside herself. It reassured her in so many ways that Regina was taking a chance too. Emma had Regina pegged wrong: she wasn’t just some woman that was used to coming on to people and getting her way. She had her own hang-ups and insecurities, and she had a genuine spirit about her that Emma couldn’t help but trust. It was hard to not daydream about those vulnerable moments continuously.

She wanted to fall asleep in Regina’s arms, because she was figuring out that it was much easier there than anywhere else. She’d never slept better. And she had never had her sleep interrupted with Regina. That had been a bullet she had so far dodged. Emma wasn’t only a light sleeper, it wasn’t always pleasant once she did fall asleep. Nightmares were a constant in her life; some fictitious, some all-too-real. She’d wake up in sweats, sometimes even tears. But none of that had happened with Regina. She didn’t know if she could wait all week to fall asleep in her arms again.

However, despite what she desired, she made herself focus on her work. Her passenger’s seat was stacked high with plenty of cases, and she knew Regina had her own workload that needed her attention. They couldn’t just gallivant in Regina’s apartment all day every day. But that’s where Emma’s head kept going. Throughout the rest of the day, she wanted to smell Regina’s cooking, and taste her lips.

That night, she had to settle for Mary Margaret’s meatloaf, which wasn’t so bad itself. It was rare that the three roommates were able to sit down together for dinner with all of their schedules, but Mondays worked best when they could pull it off. Ruby usually didn’t have shifts at the diner, and Emma was able to squeeze it in most times. Mary Margaret was the only one who had a nine-to-five job as a second-grade teacher, so she was much more available to cook at traditional times.

Or, more accurate, she was the only one out of the three who cooked at all. Every now and then, Ruby and Emma tried to pull off a Taco Tuesday by opening a few cans of beans and buying shredded cheese. It typically failed, and they ended up stopping at Taco Bell to make up for the fiasco. Mary Margaret’s meatloaf was a much safer endeavor.

“Sorry I’m late!” David ran into the house, and hurriedly washed his hands before he sat down at the table.

Ruby smirked. “No, no, it’s fine. Gave me a chance to grab the end pieces.”

“ _Both_ of them!?” David looked at Mary Margaret for confirmation, horror-stricken.

She simply shook her head at him, “Don’t look at me. I told you not to be late. I’m not going to stop her. She’d tear my hand off.”

Emma suppressed a laugh as she watched Ruby chew her meatloaf triumphantly, and David grumble as he grabbed a piece from the middle.

“Where’s Regina tonight?” Ruby asked Emma as she washed her meatloaf down with a beer.

Emma felt herself blushing. “She’s…catching up on some work.”

“I’ll bet,” Ruby laughed. “It’s about time you two came up for air.”

David made an “ah-ha” noise as he sat back and smiled at Emma. It was so shit-eating, she wanted to reach over the table and slap his head. “That’s the woman from the other night, huh? She’s pretty. Did you guys have a good time _all_ weekend?”

“David,” Mary Margaret rolled her eyes.

He ignored her. “Finally giving someone a chance, eh Swan?”

Emma gave him a bored look, and tore off a large piece of meatloaf. She stuffed it in her mouth, and continued staring at him as she chewed, not bothering to close her mouth. He laughed. “Alright, alright, no more teasing,” he put his hands up in surrender. “Seriously though, good for you.”

“The clubs are abuzz,” Ruby said cheerily. “Nobody’s seen The Queen in weeks. Nobody knows what to think of it.”

“Please tell me you’ve kept your mouth shut,” Emma looked at her worriedly.

“Absolutely!” Ruby said, looking offended. “But her friends Katherine and Killian know. Katherine talked to Regina at some point, and Regina told her she was seeing someone and taking a break from The Scene,” she danced her eyebrows up and down as Emma went scarlet.

“Aw, see?” Mary Margaret rested her head on her hand in adoration. “You two are so cute.”

“Can we change the subject?”

“C’mon, Emma! We never get to see you like this. Just let us have our fun?” Ruby said, half kidding and half serious. Emma knew that Mary Margaret and Ruby worried about her not giving anyone a chance. They were used to Emma being secretive, and not sharing feelings. That had come with the territory of Emma being your best friend. She had always been closed off and guarded. Usually, Ruby and Mary Margaret joked about it with her, but deep down, they wanted their friend to be happy, and sometimes it was very hard to tell if that was what Emma had ever been or ever would be. But now…now Emma was glowing. That was something neither had ever seen, and they were smitten about it.

However much they pried, Emma didn’t say much about it. She was absolutely taken with Regina, but she didn’t know how to put into words how she felt about her. The trust they were building was indescribable, and not something Emma was willing to jinx. Regina was beautiful, trustworthy, sexy, and kind. But she was also more. Protective and doting. She was, in her own words, taking care of Emma. And while Emma didn’t want it to stop, she felt it escalating to a place that was quickly going to challenge her comfort zone. There were times when what they were doing scared the hell out of her, and then other times when she couldn’t imagine running from it. But for the most part, those two emotions were tied up together, leaving her baffled and insecure. That was when Regina’s strong and calming nature was treasured by Emma the most, and that alone was scaring her. To turn to Regina to comfort her about her feelings towards Regina was a very odd place to go…even Emma knew that.

But every night, she stayed on the phone with her, and let Regina talk her into enough of a calming state to fall asleep. Each day, she thought of Regina when she made decisions about how to execute a catch at work. Things had changed. And Emma was, for better or worse, just as devoted to Regina as Regina seemed to be with her. She had never had anything to look forward to before. Now Regina was this shining light that she couldn’t wait to talk to, couldn’t wait to see.

It scared the hell out of her and made her incredibly happy all at once.

Thursday rolled around, and Emma was just finishing up some paperwork at the jail when her phone rang. She groaned, hoping it was Regina or one of the girls. She was about to be done for the day, and she really didn’t want to have another potential client call her up for her services.

“This is Emma,” she answered.

“Ah, Swan…” the voice on the other end rasped.

Emma froze. It was immediately recognizable. Nobody else sounded like the anonymous caller. Her hand stopped writing absently on the form she was filling out, and she moved away from the front desk so that the cop couldn’t overhear the conversation. “You…” she snarled. “What do you want?”

The voice gave a disturbingly high-pitched laugh.

 “Alright,” she tried to steady her voice so that it wasn’t shaking so badly, but she could tell she was failing. “I don’t know who the hell this is, or what it is you really want, but I was just doing my job. Peter Gold is in jail where he belongs.”

“You know, I heard a rumor about you, Swan,” the voice said in a cheery, conversational voice, ignoring Emma’s comments altogether. “That you were all alone. A growing babe without her parents. And that people hurt you.” That high-pitched laugh again, as if what had been said was so amusing. It made Emma shake. She realized that the phone was trembling against her ear. “ _I_ want to hurt you. I want to hear you screaming, begging me for mercy. Just like all of those people who hurt you before did.”

Emma felt as if a bucket of ice had been dumped on her. So far, the man on the phone had taunted her, told her she had made a mistake, and laughed at her unease. But it had not threatened her like this. When she had received that first call, she hadn’t been very concerned; it wasn’t the biggest deal in the world that someone was upset that she had put someone away. But after the calls didn’t let up, and now they were escalating, suddenly, it was dawning on her how frightening this actually was. And what the fuck was this about her past? That wasn’t common knowledge. This person had done their research. It finally dawned on Emma: this wasn’t a joke. “How did you…?”

The line went dead.

Emma tried to finish her paperwork, but was so shaken up, she could barely hold the pen. The cop behind the counter asked if she was alright, making a comment about her being pale, and Emma played it off by saying she wasn’t feeling well. When she finally left the station, she called August.

“Hey, kid.”

“August, that number I asked you to look up. Any luck?”

“Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you. It’s a pre-paid phone. No contract, no name. Sorry, pal, guess you’re going to have to do some real ground work if it’s a runner you need to catch.”

Emma tried to swallow, but felt a tremor catch in her throat, and she made an involuntary sound.

“Emma?” she heard August on the other line, sounding very far away. Her vision tunneled as she stared at the ground. A feeling was rising up in her, one she was having a hard time shaking off. “Hey, kid, you okay?”

She jumped. “Yeah. Sorry. I…I’ve got to go. Thanks for checking.”

She hung up before August could say anything more. That voice, it was running around her head, the cackle, eerie and menacing. They knew things about her…how did they know such things about her? The scarier part was that Emma couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew the voice from somewhere. And beyond that, she felt a darkness creep into her consciousness every time she tried to pinpoint it. The thought consumed her as she drove, desperately weaving through traffic in the rain. She knew that laugh, or something like it, but every time she got close, her mind walled off. It was making her cold all over. There was something there. A familiar feeling…a memory.

 _No, stop! Don’t even go there, Swan!_ she heard herself scream in her head, shutting it all down, forcing it all silent. She looked at the clock on her dashboard. 7pm. She felt a new dread enter her chest at the thought of going home. She simply couldn’t. Not now. Ruby and Mary Margaret would be able to tell something was wrong, and she couldn’t handle that. She hated worrying them. But that brought up a bigger problem: Regina. She hadn’t told Regina about the calls. She didn’t want her worrying any more than she wanted Ruby or Mary Margaret to. The look on Regina’s face when she looked at Emma’s attack marks flashed through her mind, and if Regina looked angry then, Emma could only assume that she would be absolutely murderous at finding out somebody was threatening her. The other problem, of course, was that she had been keeping the calls a secret. Regina wasn’t going to like that. At all.

Emma started, and suddenly looked at herself in her rearview mirror. Was she really doing this? Was she about to not only going to confess to Regina about the calls, but also let her know how scared she was? Did she have a choice?

No. She didn’t. She knew if she kept this from Regina any longer, that would break a lot of trust, and she didn’t want to lose Regina, much less hurt or disappoint her. But maybe she could simply play it off. She didn’t have to let Regina know how upset it made her. She could just tell her, and then try to convince her not to worry. Yes, that was the best idea. If only she could shake off the tremor that was running through her body. She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes.

Taking a big breath, she dialed Regina’s number, who picked up and said cheerily: “hi cutie. You’re calling early.”

Regina’s voice sent a strong enough wave of calm for Emma to take a breath, and that made her realize she was doing the right thing. She forced a smile on her face and said hello. “Can I…come over?”

Regina’s tone changed instantly. “Yes. Of course you can.”

Emma knew that tone. Shit. Shit, _shit_! It didn’t matter how much Emma tried to hide it; Regina was too in tuned with her. She was too good at what she did. Guilt shot through Emma, and she kicked herself for not foreseeing this. She tried to take a deep breath, but it was audibly shaken.

“Emma are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just…need to see you,” she said, trying valiantly, but failing at the tough girl act. It wasn’t until she got in the elevator in Regina’s building that she realized that she was soaking wet. The rain had started earlier that afternoon, and Emma had been standing out in it when she had talked to August, not one drop computing as she tried to pinpoint that voice and the feelings it was conjuring. Another shock shot through her as the voice entered her head. That voice…

Regina already had the door open, and was standing in the threshold between her apartment and the hallway. When their eyes locked, Emma saw that look from the hospital. That worried, devoted look that made her kick herself harder for putting Regina through this. She felt even more stupid than she had before she had come up. Why was she burdening people with her crap? It wasn’t fair. Every instinct told her to turn back around and run, but she knew Regina: she wouldn’t make it to her car without the woman coming after her.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she approached Regina cautiously. “Hi,” she said, wincing when she heard how shaky her voice still was.

Regina let out a breath, and grabbed hold of Emma, forcing her inside and out of her jacket. “You’re soaking wet. What’s going on?”

Emma shivered as she nodded. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I really shouldn’t have come. I just…”

Before she could finish, Regina shook her head, and grabbed Emma’s arms, giving her a stern look. “None of that, do you understand me?” her tone was more commanding than Emma had ever heard it, and it snapped her into place, locking all of her attention onto Regina. It was an odd comfort that she needed in that moment of chaos, the only solid foundation to cling to. And she did. Nodding as she gulped, Regina said, “good,” and then more softly: “come on. We need to get you dry.”

Emma was led into the bedroom, where she stood still as she allowed Regina to undress her. She put her arms up when Regina asked, stepped out of her jeans when she was told, and as soon as Regina had her under garments off, she wrapped Emma in a large, warm towel. “Let’s get you some clothes,” she took Emma’s hand and guided her to the walk-in closet, where she had several small dressers and rows of hanging clothes.

Emma stood looking around at the different clothes and biting her fingernail as Regina rummaged through one of her drawers. Some of the clothes that were hanging were black leather, and Emma could tell that they would barely cover much of anything when put on. Regina went to work dressing Emma.

“Do you wear these? When you Play?” she asked in a small voice.

Regina smiled kindly at her as she unfolded the shirt she had picked out. “I did. Arms up.” Emma complied, her fingernail returning to her mouth absentmindedly as she continued to peruse.

“Do you have a favorite outfit?”

A chuckle escaped Regina’s throat as she knelt down to put pajama pants on Emma. “I have a tight red leather dress I’m fond of. Step in, honey.”

Emma did as she was told, putting her hand on Regina’s shoulder to balance herself. “Like my jacket?”

Regina brought herself up to Emma’s height. “Yes. Like your jacket,” she said as she gently pulled Emma’s hand away from her mouth. “Let’s go sit at the table. I’ll make us some tea.”

Emma nodded, and Regina took her hand to lead her to the kitchen. Emma sat for a long while, waiting for Regina to bring everything, and she tried to relax her mind and figure out a way to tell Regina what had happened. It was all such a cluster in her head, that it was practically screaming at her. And that voice…

The endless whispers stopped abruptly as Regina came and sat next to Emma, handing her a hot mug. When she sat, she put a hand on Emma’s leg, and gave her a warm smile. “What’s wrong, Emma? You sounded so frightened on the phone.”

“I…” Emma started, but stopped herself. Blowing out a long breath, she swallowed a sandpaper throat. “I’ve been getting calls. Creepy ones…”

Regina’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of creepy calls?” Emma didn’t miss the edge in her voice.

“The first one was just a few days after I got out of the ER. It was a man. So, the kid I got arrested that night? The man on the phone clearly knew him.”

“What do you mean?”

“He said as much. He said: Peter Gold has a lot of friends.”

Emma saw a flash pass over Regina’s face, and she stared at Emma for a long moment before asking: “Peter Gold?”

“Yeah,” Emma shrugged. “It was weird but not all that scary, you know? Like, a punk kid has friends making prank phone calls. Big deal. But then they didn’t stop.”

Regina pressed her lips together, and Emma realized that the hand on her leg was gripping harder. “That was the call you got the other night, wasn’t it?” Emma nodded, and Regina squeezed her eyes shut. “Emma. You should have told me.”

“I didn’t want to worry you! I thought it was just a dumb prank!” she cried. “But today…” her breath hitched, and she felt her eyes stinging.

“Today what?” Regina’s low growl snapped Emma out of it, and she looked into Regina’s eyes. Those dark, intense eyes that were so full of turmoil, they were unreadable. Emma saw a glimmer of that look that was only for her: adoration, patience, loyalty. But it was dominated by a much darker side, a side that made Emma scared for whoever was on the receiving end of its wrath.

“He called again. Regina, he knew I grew up in the foster system. He told me,” she caught her breath again, but managed to tremble out: “He said he was going to hurt me. And his voice.... Regina, I swear I know that voice!”

“Hey,” Regina’s eyes were suddenly back; all for Emma. She put a palm to Emma’s cheek. “Breath. Nobody’s going to hurt you.”

With that simple action, Emma was able to take a calming breath, and she nodded her head. “It could still be a prank, yeah?” She knew she was trying to convince herself more than she was Regina.

In turn, Regina nodded her head, seeming deep in thought. “Could be. But I don’t want us to take any chances. Did they call you from a blocked number?”

Emma studied Regina’s face, transfixed with Regina using the word _us_ before she was able to answer. “I tried that. August said it was from a pre-payed cellphone. Somebody wanted to make sure they covered their tracks.”

“Speaking of August, I want him or somebody else with you at all times at work.”

Emma’s jaw fell open in horror. “What? Regina, no! It’s fine…”

“If you think,” Regina’s tone was so low and dangerous, Emma’s mouth snapped shut as she all but shrank into her seat. “for one moment that you are winning this argument with me, you are in for a very rude awakening, Emma Swan. Let me guess, you haven’t told August about this either?”

Emma’s silence made Regina sneer as she shook her head. “That’s what I thought. I doubt, once I call him, that he is going to disagree with me.”

Emma groaned as she hid her face in her hands, taking in a shaky breath. This domino effect was exactly what she was trying to avoid. She knew now that Ruby and Mary Margaret were also going to be made aware. She couldn’t stand the idea of being this center of attention. Regina was one thing, as Emma was starting to get used to the idea of sharing her thoughts and daily happenings with her, but her entire circle? Everyone fussing over her night and day? August having to stick to her like Velcro? Until when? She hadn’t kicked herself for the choices she made that night in several days, but she started doing so again in that moment.

As she sat brooding, she felt warm hands gently take hers, pulling them away from her face, and Regina brought them close to her own chest. “Baby,” her voice had transformed to that creamy, sweet tone that made Emma melt. “I just want you safe. Until we figure out who is threatening you, I think it’s best that somebody stick by you in the field. Are you willing to do this, Emma? Will you please do it just for now, until we get more answers?”

The look in Regina’s eyes had Emma transfixed. It was a combination of that desperately worried look she had the night in the ER, and adoration when Regina was looking down at her as she cradled Emma in her arms. It was devotion and sincerity. It was another new wonder for Emma to file away to pull up in her dreams. Almost instantly, it made up her mind. “If it means that much to you, Regina, of course I will.”

While Emma made several phone calls to August and Ruby and Mary Margaret, Regina worked in the kitchen until an amazing aroma started wafting through the apartment. Ruby and Mary Margaret made Emma promise to check in with them throughout her day, while August gave her an earful for not telling him sooner. In the end, he promised to do a little more digging into the number making the phone calls, and set up a meeting time for them to get some work done on different clients the next day.

Soon, Regina was calling her in for a dinner of glazed chicken, green beans, and carrots. Emma wasn’t sure if she had been transported to a restaurant with how incredible the food looked. Regina hadn’t been lying when she said she was an incredible cook. Emma scarfed down her chicken, but Regina had to tell her several times to finish off her green beans. Emma wasn’t used to eating things that color, but Regina just laughed and said that as long as she was around, Emma was going to be eating her vegetables. In the end, Regina hand-fed her several bites, and Emma pretended that she wasn’t very crazy about them, when in reality they were the best vegetables she had ever had.

By the time they had finished the dishes and made it to the couch, Emma had almost completely tuned out that voice that had been buzzing in her ear since standing out in the rain that afternoon. While Regina held her, she let the warmth turn her mind blank and consume her. She suddenly couldn’t remember…couldn’t _feel_ what she had been feeling. There was a threshold here, in this apartment. There was a safety that wrapped itself around her whenever she was in Regina’s arms. It was intoxicating. It was marvelous…it was so bare that it frightened her. At the same time, there was no wrenching herself free from those arms. There was just Regina, her smell, her voice, her strength, keeping Emma held firmly within them.

**

“It’s bedtime, Darling,” Regina whispered down at the sleeping body in her lap.

“Hm,” Emma grumbled as she grabbed harder onto Regina’s shirt. She was completely sprawled out over Regina on the couch, face illuminated by the glowing of the television, her lashes fluttering slightly at Regina’s voice.

Regina couldn’t help but giggle. “C’mon Sweetie. I’ll carry you,” she shifted herself from underneath Emma, who fell back on the cushions with a soft whine, and then reached down to grab Emma under the arms and pull her towards her.

Instinctively, Emma wrapped her legs around Regina’s waist and hugged her neck, resting her head on Regina’s shoulders. The day had been trying: getting soaking wet in the rain, receiving that phone call, and her mind running circles around that voice. Now, Emma was exhausted, and simply didn’t have the energy to be of any use when Regina was offering herself up so freely. She hugged Emma close at the thought of how scared she must have been hearing those threats. It made her blood boil, but also sent her mind reeling in a state of panic at the thought that somebody out there wanted to hurt this sweet and mild creature.

Regina carried Emma to the bedroom, where she laid her down gently and pulled the covers over her. She went to the closet to get her own pajamas on, and as she was pulling on her flannel bottoms, she heard a little voice whimpering on the bed. Quickly making her way over to where Emma had brought herself halfway into a sitting position, she saw her look around with wild, bleary eyes. “R’gina?” she called weakly.

Regina chuckled, as she approached. “I’m right here, Baby,” she shuffled in next to Emma, who grabbed onto her immediately. There would be no sex tonight; Emma was much too tired. Regina propped herself up on a stack of pillows and pulled Emma back into her lap. Emma snuggled into her as Regina began to rub up and down Emma’s back.

They stayed that way for a long time, Emma pressing her face into Regina’s chest, a handful of Regina’s night shirt firmly in her fist. She nuzzled in closer to Regina, who shushed her softly. “You’re so sleepy, aren’t you?” she whispered as she put a lock of blonde hair behind Emma’s ear.

Emma’s eyes opened in response. At first, the look in them made Regina start. But just as quickly, her face spread in a satisfied smile.

Emma’s eyes were hooded and dark, bleary as they met her gaze. Emma was falling under. Just like she had begun to do every time she was tired and her stomach was full, or after they made love and she was practically putty in Regina’s arms. Regina had started to notice the little signs: the unfocused eyes, the clutching at Regina with grabbing hands, the tiny noises that weren’t quite adult, the way she didn’t say a word unlike adult Emma who always had something to say. Regina had at first wondered if they were her imagination. It had only been little bits and pieces, never a full-fledged submission. But the combination of the day being very emotionally draining, and Emma gaining more trust little by little, the dynamic was shifting. She was more willing to relax with Regina now, less self-conscious and worried that Regina was going to split at any second. And tonight, she was letting herself slip quickly.

“ _There’s_ my Little One,” she cooed. “Hello, sweetheart.”

Emma made no verbal response, but she brought her index and middle finger up to her mouth and began to suck. A bright arrow went through Regina’s chest. Something was different tonight. Emma had only sucked on her fingers after sex, as if she needed the excuse of tasting Regina to put them to her mouth. It was making Regina’s chest swell to nearly bursting open. She nuzzled her nose into Emma’s temple.

Regina normally wouldn’t allow thumb or finger sucking, but at the moment, she didn’t have any alternatives, and she couldn’t bring herself to take away Emma’s soother. The fact that Emma had trusted her enough to fall under like she was had completely softened her heart. She kissed the side of Emma’s head, “Looks like I need to do some shopping. You need a paci, Little One,” she said, mostly to herself. Emma was clearly in no state to have a conversation with Regina.

Regina lowered Emma down until she was cradled into the bend of her arm, and Emma sleepily looked up at Regina, head rested on her breast, fingers still in her mouth. “Close your eyes, baby girl,” Regina said gently, smoothing Emma’s hair with her free hand as she began to rock her.

Emma did as she was told, sighing around her fingers as she nuzzled closer into Regina’s chest. Regina’s heart felt heavy as she watched Emma’s breathing slow even further, even out, and finally, her lips released the hold on her digits, sleeping peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One quick note about Emma's train of thought here. I mentioned earlier in the story that Emma has blackouts from her past. Anyone familiar with PTSD is probably really familiar with what Emma is trying to do when she's shutting herself down. If you've had a traumatic incident, and you get triggered (like REALLY triggered), the experience can be really terrifying. You can genuinely be put right back in that place of trauma. So Emma's essentially nipping that in the bud before it is a full-blown episode, which she has become a pro at and has so far avoided in her life. There's going to be some development of that, but I'm going to try and keep it as mild as possible, because above all, I want you all to enjoy what you're reading and not get triggered yourselves. So I just wanted to give you a head's up.
> 
> Boy, that wasn't a quick not at ALL, was it?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you Sunday.
> 
> Keep your amazing comments coming: they really inspire me to write and write and write...=D


	9. Surprises

Regina poured the two mugs in front of her full of coffee, and brought them out to the table, where Emma was tearing a giant piece of her toast off with her teeth and scarfing it into her mouth. “Slow down, dear,” Regina chided. “I’m not sure how proficient at the Heimlich maneuver I’ll be without any caffeine in my system.”

“Har har,” Emma mumbled around her toast. Her cell phone rang as she chewed, and she answered it with a very muffled hello. Regina could hear August’s voice on the other end echoing into the dining room as Emma kept talking into it without making a single audible syllable. Finally, Regina reached over the table and took it out of her hand.

“Good Morning, August,” she chimed.

“Oh, thank god!” he sighed. “Somebody who knows how to make sentences!”

“Stuff it, August!” Emma yelled after finally swallowing.

“Emma!” Regina took the phone away from her ear and gave Emma a very severe look. Emma suddenly found a fascination with her feet as she took a timid sip of her coffee.

“I’m on my way over to your place. Emma already gave me the address. Is she ready to go?”

“She will be after she’s done with her coffee and toast. August, thank you so much for doing this. I just don’t feel comfortable not having someone with her right now.”

“No, I totally agree. She should have said something sooner, but…well, that’s Emma.”

Regina smiled to herself. “Yes, I know. I’m working on it.”

“I can hear both of you loud and clear, you know,” Emma grumbled as she kept staring down at her coffee.

Regina gave Emma a little wink as she smiled and brought the phone away from your mouth. “I put your coat in the front closet. Go get it, sweetie.”

Emma hopped up and did as she was told. When she left, Regina sighed and said more softly into the phone, “were you able to find out anything else about the phone number?”

“No, but I’ve got a buddy at the sheriff’s station. He’s looking into it.”

“Good. Listen, August, the name of the runner. Peter Gold? I know it’s a fairly common last name, but…”

“I’m ready! August, are you here yet?!” Emma announced loudly as she came back into the room.

Regina started laughing as she shook her head and August called back to say that he was. They hung up, and Regina got up to bring Emma her phone. She put it in the pocket of Emma’s red leather jacket, and grabbed Emma around the waist, touching their noses together. “Hi baby,” she smiled widely as Emma blushed, suddenly not so quick to talk over Regina.

“Hi,” she tilted her head down, but peeked up at Regina, her lashes fluttering.

“Listen, if you’re a good girl today, I may just have a surprise for you tonight.”

“Tonight?” Emma looked up with hope in her eyes, a little smile curving the corner of her mouth.

“Mm hm,” Regina mumbled as gave Emma several feather kisses on her cheek. “It’s Friday. I was hoping we could have a rerun of last weekend. Would you like that?”

“Yeah,” Emma breathed out in the smallest voice Regina had heard from her yet. Emma seemed to have a switch. One moment, she was feisty and lively. Then once Regina started to hold her and whisper to her, she turned into a shy and sweet little thing that Regina couldn’t resist latching onto and never wanting to let go. “What kind of surprise?”

Regina’s smile widened as she held Emma tighter. “You’ll just have to be patient,” Regina chuckled when she heard Emma give a whining little grunt and she made a little gesture as if she were about to stomp her foot. “But you have to be a good girl. Can you do that?”

Emma pressed her lips together and nodded when her phone buzzed in her pocket. “That’s August,” she said, grabbing it to look at the screen for confirmation. “He’s downstairs.”

Emma made to turn towards the door, but Regina found that her hold on Emma was not so easy to let go of. She grasped at her instinctually before she caught what she was doing. Even though she reluctantly let go, Emma had felt the hesitation, and she immediately stopped, bringing a hand up to Regina’s face and looking her intensely in the eyes. “It’s gunna be okay, R’gina.”

Regina couldn’t help the shallow breath that escaped her as she sunk her fingers further into the fabric of Emma’s jeans. Emma was right; she was going to be okay. But the very idea that there was someone out there actively trying to alter that was bringing on much more anxiety that she thought she would have by watching Emma go. She nodded anyway, “I know. Just…”

“I will,” Emma smiled at her, and closed the distance between them to give her a kiss. Regina’s senses were filled with the sweet flavor, and she was surprised by the impact that such a simple gesture was having. It was a mixture of her hesitation to let her go and her memory of a sweet little Emma clasping onto her and falling asleep on her chest the night before. She wanted to relive that over and over, she wanted to hold Emma right now and just forget about all of this. But contrary to all of her instincts, she released her grip and nodded.

She didn’t move for a long time when Emma left, trying to regroup her emotions before she finished getting ready for work. She even ignored Zelena’s phone call that morning. She simply couldn’t talk about everything that was going on. She needed to be strong for court today, she needed to have her game hat on, and she had quite a few things to do before the evening would finally roll around.

It was still raining slightly outside, so Regina walked briskly into the courthouse, meeting up with her client for their nine o’clock appointment. Before she went in to the chambers to discuss anything, she got on her phone quickly and picked out several items on her Amazon prime account to be delivered to her apartment that day. She couldn’t help the smile and warm feelings it brought to confirm the order, and she took a snapshot of so she could text Emma later.

She was able to get a decent outcome for her nine o’clock client. By the time lunch rolled around, she had put in more than a day’s work, but she wasn’t the least bit hungry. The next task at hand had her stomach completely in knots, rolled up just underneath a chest in pain from anxiety. It was a discomfort she realized she hadn’t felt in quite a while. The last time she’d felt anything like it had been when her sister had made the decision to move to New York. She had hated the move. Zelena hadn’t been back home from England for very long before she was taking off again, leaving Regina alone in Boston just when she was starting to have problems with Mal. Regina, though familiar with insomnia, was not prone to appetite loss, but had suffered from both for weeks while getting used to only having her sister reachable by phone. She couldn’t remember a time she had felt more alone. Even when her father had died, Zelena had been there. So that move had really affected her, and for some reason, that was where her head went.

She straightened herself up and tried to shake the feeling off as she strode down the courthouse hall, making her way across the quad of the federal building to a smaller structure just on the other side of the corner. The law offices here were full of attorneys who spent the majority of their time at the courthouse, such as prosecutors like herself or defense attorneys like the man she was about to see.

He gave an immediate reply to her knocking as she reached his office door, and she opened it to see him moving a large stack of law books from the top of his desk to an empty shelf. “Miss Mills,” he smiled pleasantly. “What can I do for you?”

“Hello Gold. Studying your craft? You should have taken the bar years ago.” She gestured towards the books without returning the smile, her hands stuffed deep into the pockets of her raincoat. He gave no reply, just a soft laugh, and Regina caught a glimpse of that creepy smile he liked to give when he was covered in his crocodile makeup.

Gold and Regina had an extensive past at the courthouse. Being on opposite ends of the spectrum had forced them to clash many times amongst the walls in the building down the way, and that strange professional animosity carried its way over to The Dungeon during their off time. While both Dommes that tended to share clientele within their Scene, the two had a couple of unspoken rules: steer clear of each other at the clubs, and never speak about the community or their involvement while at work.

“Are you here to form a study group, or did you have a legitimate reason to come to my office today? I don’t believe we have any current cases in common, am I right?”

“You are,” she nodded. “I’m here for a different reason.”

He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at her, his face showing that he was finally over the back and forth small talk. “And what reason would that be?”

Regina bit back the urge to sneer at him. “You wouldn’t happen to have a local relation by the name of Peter, would you? Peter Gold?”

The expression that formed on Gold’s face betrayed that her inquiry was the last thing he had been expecting. He gave a short shake of the head as if he were trying to ward off an offending fly, and twisted his face in incredulity. “I beg your pardon?”

“A cousin perhaps?”

He nearly cut her off with his answer. “Peter Gold is my brother. Why?”

Regina felt a tremor run down her spine at the shock of those words. Peter Gold was The Crocodile’s brother? What the hell were the chances of all this? Regina fought hard to not show her surprise. “He’s in jail, yes?”

Gold stepped away from behind his desk, and came closer to her, crossing his arms as he gave a short unamused laugh. “Are you prosecuting my kid brother, counselor?”

“No,” Regina said slowly. “Not my assignment.”

“Then what exactly are you doing here?” he narrowed his eyes at her.

Regina wasn’t sure if their dislike for each other had ever been more obvious. For the most part, she and Gold had stayed pleasant, albeit thrown sickly sweet passive aggressive comments to one another, for the sake of professional courtesy. However, the curtain had fallen in that moment, and Regina returned his stare without hesitation. “He’s in jail because he’d been out on bond, and he ran out on his bail bondsman.”

For the first time, Gold seemed to look embarrassed, and he nodded as he pressed his lips together. “My brother has had a…troubled passed. There’s a large age gap between the two of us. Different mothers. The contrast in our upbringing was…well, let’s just say very obvious based on the variance in our adulthood.”

Regina was a little taken aback by the sudden transparency that Gold was displaying, but she saved face and gave him a reassuring expression. “The bail bondsman that brought him back? They have been receiving threatening messages from someone. Someone on behalf of your brother.”

Gold’s expression returned to incredulity, and he looked down as if in deep thought. “Pete’s in jail. There’s no way he’s making those types of calls from behind bars.”

“I’m not suggesting he is.”

Gold looked back up at Regina, and gave a long sigh. “Look, truth be told, my brother and I are not what you would call close. He runs around with the type of guys receiving my services, so you can imagine that him and I don’t have a lot in common. I’m defending him in his case, but I haven’t had much of a chance to read his file. The court date isn’t for another few weeks. If you’d like, I can speak with him and see if there’s anything I can find out. If he’s behind threats to anyone, much less a bail bondsman, that isn’t going to help me get him out of jail. I’ll do what I can to put a stop to it.”

Regina was surprised to feel a bit of relief. That wasn’t an emotion she was expecting to ever feel after talking to Gold. She found herself nodding and turning to leave with her chest in much less pain. “Thank you, Gold. I’d appreciate that.”

“Before you go,” he called. “If you aren’t prosecuting my brother, how exactly did you find out about his case, much less that he’s been threatening a bail bondsman?”

And the pain was back, hitting her with a cold force that made her grimace. She turned around and could tell by his reaction that her expression must have been the same as a bear having someone stumbling upon a cave of her cubs. She tried to recover herself quickly. “You know as well as I the small world of criminal law. The bail bondsman is a…friend.”

He nodded his understanding, but she could have sworn she saw a flicker of something more behind his eyes. “I see. Well, I’m sure we’ll run into each other in the courthouse soon, counselor. I dare say I haven’t seen you much of anywhere else lately.”

Regina flinched at that last remark, but as she left, she mused that she had been the one to cross professional boundaries today. A little punch back from the likes of The Crocodile was to be expected.

When she finally returned to her own office on the second floor, she found several texts from Emma.

**Emma: Lunch time. August and I are doing really boring things like paperwork today.**

**Emma: Are you done with court yet?**

**Regina: Hi sweetie. Yes, I just got done. I got your surprises. They’ll be at home tonight.**

**Emma: What are they!?!?!?!**

Regina grinned widely as she sent one of the pictures and waited for Emma to respond.

**Emma: Is that for tonight?**

**Regina: Only if you want it to be.**

**Emma: Hell yes!!!**

Regina laughed, feeling a little relieved.

**Regina: You have one more, but that one is going to stay a surprise.**

**Emma: I can’t wait.**

Regina had never been gladder to be home by the time she finally got to her building. Picking up the packages, she headed inside to clean them and then get dinner ready. Emma had expressed her obsession with grilled cheese, so Regina went to work making it with the sourdough Emma liked so much and a simple recipe of tomato soup.

When Emma finally got back to the apartment, Regina realized that a massive weight had been pressing down on her chest, and was now eliminated. It didn’t compute until that moment how acute the worry for Emma’s safety had really been throughout the day. But looking back, there had been a reason she had kept her schedule so filled up. If she had allowed herself to dwell on what was happening, she would have gone mad with anxiety. She felt a twinge of fear at how powerful the emotion was; Emma had snuck into her soul and was firmly fixed there. She soothed it by greeting her with a powerful kiss that left them both breathless.

Emma didn’t miss the desperation there, and when they pulled apart, she rubbed up and down Regina’s arms soothingly. “It was a good day,” she assured, and Regina snapped herself out of it with a smile to her face, eager to not let her vulnerabilities get the better of her.

She pet Emma’s hair, and pecked her once on the lips for good measure. “Why don’t you go hang your jacket up and wash your hands, and I’ll put dinner on the table, hm?”

When the table was set and Emma was happily dipping her grilled cheese into her tomato soup, Regina told her about her encounter with Gold.

“What the hell are the odds of that?” Emma’s eyes were bugging out of her head.

“That’s what I said,” Regina sighed. “Anyway, this might work to our advantage. Gold has always been creepy, but he was upset to hear his brother was jeopardizing his case by doing something so brazen. He’s going to see what he can find out, because we both find it hard to believe he’s making those calls from jail.”

Emma automatically shook her head. “It’s not him. I’ve spoken to Peter Gold numerous times. The voice on the phone…it’s just not him.”

Regina swallowed down a hurtful pang at the look on Emma’s face as she was remembering the calls, but left it alone.

Emma practically swallowed her dinner whole, and Regina made a mental note that the grilled cheese with sourdough bread was a massive hit. She even finished off the tomato soup, leaving a few remnants of it on the corners of her mouth.

“Come here,” Regina laughed as she grabbed a hold of Emma during doing dishes and wet a paper towel. She gave Emma a kiss on the corners that she had just wiped orange stains off of.

When she tried to pull away, however, Emma held her in place, deepening the kiss, and Regina rewarded her with an involuntary moan. Her head swam as Emma pressed her up against the counter, but she regained composure quickly and spun them around to pin Emma there instead. “Hm… nice try, Little One,” she cocked her eyebrow as she grabbed Emma under her bottom and lifting her to the counter. Emma let out a short squeal that set Regina’s heart on fire as she ran her hands along the side of Emma’s body, leaning up to kiss her as deeply as before.

When she pulled away, she recognized Emma’s dilated pupils, and that pink hue that drove her wild was painting her lover’s skin. “Why don’t we take this to the bedroom,” she husked, and almost instantly, Emma was grabbing onto her neck to be carried. She tried to hide the broad smile that came from the action, but simply couldn’t. Grabbing Emma under her thighs, she lifted her of the counter, and carried them down the hallway. The bedroom was dimly lit by the conjoining bathroom light. The window curtains cladding the one wall were drawn, and night had swallowed up the sky behind them. The familiar faint honking of horns and sound of ferries on the water gave sign to life outside of the four walls, but Regina was deaf to them. The only thing she heard was the sound of Emma’s labored breathing as she lowered her onto the bed. The only thing she saw was the beautiful body underneath her, fidgeting with anticipation, and Regina realized that Emma was wearing far too many clothes for her liking.

She grinned down at Emma laying on the foot of the bed where she had placed her, and stood herself up. She began undressing, smirking as she saw Emma freeze and her eyes widen, her chest forgetting to rise and fall as she stared mesmerized while Regina stripped. “Tell me, Emma,” she said in a smooth and sultry voice, seeing Emma’s eyes lower down to her breasts as she removed her shirt. “Did you like the picture I sent you today?”

She saw Emma swallow and nod her head. Instantly, she stopped unbuttoning her pants, and cocked her eyebrow. “Use your words, please.”

She saw Emma start, and stammer out: “Y…yes.”

“Good girl,” Regina winked as she continued to unbutton her pants, and let them slide down her legs. She stepped out of them, revealing a purple lace G-string that matched the bra she was wearing. “Do you want me to use it tonight, Darling?”

This time, Emma had more trouble getting the word out, and the effort it took made it extremely hard for Regina to keep a straight face. But when Emma mumbled, “uh huh,” she couldn’t help but give a little chuckle.

“I’ll let that one slide,” she mused as she bent down to help Emma stand. Emma immediately put her hands on Regina’s hips, eyes trailing up from Regina’s abdomen to her breasts as her hot breath hit Regina’s skin. Her lower lip was being bit hard as she stared, transfixed. Regina felt her head spin again, adoration buzzing all through her body at the look of anticipation on Emma’s face. “I need to ask you a question, Emma,” she said as she began to lift Emma’s shirt off her body. Emma seemed to barely register what Regina was doing as she continued to glide her eyes all over Regina’s skin, her fingers making light massages where they could find purchase. “And I need you to answer it honestly.” After Emma was standing clad only in her underwear, Regina realized she was too distracted to answer, so she put her fingers under Emma’s chin to make Emma look her in the eyes. “Will you do that for me, sweetie?”

The focus seemed to come back to Emma’s face, and Regina saw her finally register that she had been spoken to. “Yes,” Emma swallowed.

Regina smiled and pecked her sweetly on the lips. “Do you trust me?”

The question seemed to take Emma off guard as her brows furrowed, and she almost looked shocked. “Yes,” she said. Her tone might as well have said, “no shit”, and it was Regina’s turn to be surprised.

She couldn’t help the warmth that stained her cheeks as she held Emma tighter and brought her in. “Good girl,” she whispered. “Repeat after me: green, yellow, red.”

She saw Emma’s brows furrow deeper, but she obeyed. “Green, yellow, red.”

Regina didn’t try to hide the smile of pride this time, and she brought Emma into a hug to rub up and down her back. Emma grabbed onto her as usual; that sweet little way she latched on as if Regina was a lifeline. She was quickly becoming addicted to how it felt. But she made herself loosen the hold so that she could turn Emma around gently, and she pressed her breasts up against Emma’s shoulder blades as she brought her lips up to one of Emma’s ears. “Green is to tell me you are okay and we can continue. Yellow is for me to slow down. And red is for me to stop whatever I’m doing, whenever you need me to. You use it when you aren’t comfortable. Do you understand?”

Emma nodded, but remembered quickly. “Yes.”

“Repeat what I said, please.” Emma did. “Do you promise to use them when you need to?” Emma agreed, and Regina rewarded her with a kiss on her shoulder. “Very good, baby. Close your eyes.”

When Emma obliged, Regina went to fetch the toy that had came in the mail that day. Returning to press herself up behind Emma, she unclasped her bra and stepped out of her panties. When she spread her own legs, she groaned at how wet she already was, and hooked an arm around Emma’s waist as she brought the toy to her own opening and slipped the bulb inside. Even though she was wet and swollen, the bulb met slight hesitation as she forced it in. A moan escaping her lips once it finally popped into place. She let out a hoarse breath, resting her forehead on Emma’s shoulder to get used to the feeling of having the toy inside of her. The bulb rubbed up against her g-spot so deliciously, she couldn’t wait to feel it rock against her as she entered Emma with the other end.

She was snapped out of her reverie as she heard a gasp from Emma, and looked down to see that the other end was already pressed up against the small of Emma’s back. She grinned and loosening her grip on Emma’s waist to remove Emma’s panties, who immediately leaned back against Regina with a groan. “R’gina…” her voice was pleading, and Regina felt a spark go through her and down to her core.

“I’m right here, my darling. Crawl forward on the bed for me.”

She felt a shiver go through Emma’s body as she complied, getting on her hands and knees and taking a few tentative crawls until she was almost to the center of the bed. Regina relished watching the cheeks of her ass sway as she crawled, and Regina followed behind her. The moment she stepped forward, the sensation in her core nearly overpowered her, and she grit her teeth to keep it from doing just that.

With great effort, she was looming over Emma’s backside, the feeldo positioned just beneath her opening. She saw Emma’s shoulders rising and falling, and Emma stuck her ass out farther, impatient. Regina smirked, and leaned forward to rub her hands up and down Emma’s cheeks and ribcage. “You’re so beautiful like this, Emma.” A little whine came out of her partner, who she felt was starting to shake. She was no stranger to seeing the trembling, but a tiny part of her kept wondering if it was anticipation, fear, nerves, or all three wrapped into one. “What color are we, Little One?”

“Green,” was the immediate answer, and Regina heard her suck in a breath as she brought the tip of the phallus up to Emma’s opening. Bringing her hand down to guide it, she felt the heat coming off of Emma’s core, and groaned.

“That’s my good girl. You’re so wet, baby” she gasped as she pushed just a tiny bit into Emma’s opening. Even though she was barely inside, Emma released a satisfied cry, and slumped forward, resting her forehead against the bed sheets and raising her ass up higher for Regina. The pressure that pushing inside gave to Regina’s own spongy core forced out her own guttural moan, and she pulled out the slightest bit to gently move back in.

Almost immediately, Emma was on fire, sighing incoherent words into the sheets, hands clasping around them, body pushing back against Regina to create more friction. The motion made Regina throw her head back as she felt a particularly sweet sensation inside, and she grabbed onto Emma’s waist with her hands to steady them both. “Oh god,” she whimpered, uncaring of how wrapped up in the feeling it made her sound. She fought against Emma trying to set the pace, moving in and out at a maddeningly slow speed even for herself. But she didn’t care. They had all the time in the world, as she was in no hurry to speed this up. She loved watching Emma under her like this, trying to fight for power. The thick locks of Emma’s hair were being thrown around as Emma writhed beneath her, and Regina could hardly stand it. She bit her cheek to keep from coming right there, the bulb of the feeldo filling her so fully that she could hardly feel anything else. Every time she pulled out of Emma, it clenched at her tightening walls, and every time she pushed back in, it massaged her so deeply that she could feel her body’s reaction sliding down her inner thigh.

Her thoughts were broken as she noticed one of Emma’s hands had slipped underneath her own body, and Regina acted swiftly, grabbing hold of Emma’s elbow to drag the hand away. “No no, Emma,” she whispered, and Emma let out a pathetic mewl at being restricted, but Regina answered by grabbing Emma around the stomach and raising her upper body until it was flush against her own.

They both had to take a breath as the sensations of the new position tumbled through them. Emma’s back was now up against Regina’s breasts, her head tossed back so that their cheeks were touching, the panting was loud now in both their ears, and Regina had to squeeze her eyes shut to focus as she felt the different vibrations inside of her as Emma’s opening was now in a new position. She bit down slightly on Emma’s earlobe, and replacing where Emma’s fingers had been with her own, reveling in the feeling. She fought the urge to massage Emma’s sensitive button, and instead kept her fingers steady. Emma’s clit was enlarged in the pleasure, eagerly awaiting the touch, and Regina panted around Emma’s ear. “Do want to be touched here, baby?”

Emma’s body fell slightly at the new pressure, but Regina was there to catch her, pressing their bodies closer, and grinding her hips forward to fill her lover up again. It was harder to push inside now that they were both on their knees, but the reward was so much more intense. The action made Emma cry out, and Regina could tell that the effort to get words out was more labor intensive for Emma than ever, but the voice that answered her was unlike anything she had ever heard from Emma’s lips. “Yes. _Mama._ ”

Regina froze. Not only from shock of the word, but from the impact it had on her entire body. She felt like she had just been engulfed in a warm pool of pleasure. Her senses flooded with everything Emma: her smell, her taste, the feeling of Emma’s skin bare on her own, the sound of her sweet little voice echoing over and over in her ears. The shock of pleasure that buzzed through her was almost too intense, and she let out an involuntary moan next to Emma’s ear, a shudder running so violently through her that it effected Emma’s as well.

“Oh,” she breathed out, her fingers instantly coming to life and circling around that beautifully slick clit, her hips beginning to buck uncontrollably. She was fucking Emma with abandon now, feeling one of her lover’s hands grabbing her hair to the point of her scalp stinging. The noises that came out of Emma’s mouth every time were sending electric waves throughout her entire body, and she began to feel the familiar buildup in her core. But she could tell that this buildup…it was going to break her. She was going to come hard. She braced herself, one arm holding Emma so tight that she had to make sure she wasn’t cutting off her oxygen, the other aching from how hard she was massaging Emma’s clit. “Baby…oh, fuck.”

“I’m gunna…” Emma tried to say, but she was just as lost for words, and Regina could feel Emma’s legs shaking for reasons other than anticipation now. There was a release that she was desperately chasing as her body pushed up against Regina over and over again, helping Regina fuck her so hard that the slapping of their thighs was filling the room with its sound.

“Say it again,” Regina didn’t care how pitiful her pleading sounded. She needed to hear it. She wanted to feel that electricity through her body again at the mere sound of it tumbling from Emma’s lips.

“Ma.. _ah_!” she heard the tremor in Emma’s voice, and pressed her lips to Emma’s cheek.

“I’m right here, Little One. What’s your color?”

“Green! So green!” Emma choked out, and Regina felt herself hardly able to hold on another moment.

“That’s my girl…” she cooed, and Emma’s reaction was almost instant. Regina could feel her walls nearly pressing themselves shut around the toy, making it nearly impossible for Regina to continue pumping into her. “Say it…”

“ _Mama_!” Emma tumbled forward as she cried out, her walls finally opening.

Regina was completely unprepared for the peak that crept up on her. It hit her harder than any orgasm she’d ever felt. The pleasure that overtook her body was so strong, it was nearly unbearable. As she felt Emma go rigid with her own release, a low scream slipped out of Regina’s lips, and the two of them grabbed each other so tight, Regina felt her bottom hit the heels of her feet and Emma’s thighs slam down on her lap. Her hips continued to thrust forward as the long and powerful waves ripped through her, the evidence still spilling from her lips and right into Emma’s ear as she slowed her fingers over her lover’s clit. Emma’s own cries were filling her head, making her reflexes react by soothing the body she held onto with gentle rubs on her belly.

When she finally felt her orgasm slipping away, her head became clearer, the senses in her hands and feet returned, and she caught her breath. As her forehead rested on Emma’s back, she paid attention to the rise and fall of her partner in her lap. Shaken and deep, Emma was also coming down from her high, and what Regina recognized as a tiny sob followed, setting her nerves alight and immediately shifting her into protective mode.

“Emma?” she whispered as softly as she could, continuing to rub Emma’s belly with one hand, careful not to move her hips for fear of any more sensations arising for either of them.

Emma sucked in her breath, trying to shut herself up, but Regina could feel the tremors in her body. Taking a moment to gain her composure, Regina gently moved them up and forward, where she was able to slide the toy out from Emma’s sensitive body. A little whimper escaped from Emma’s lips, and Regina took the bulb out from herself with much less care, eager to take care of those sobs.

Emma was still on her hands and knees, staring down at the mattress, her labored breathing shaky and uneven. Regina put a hand on the small of her back and said Emma’s name with much more authority in her voice. Emma’s head snapped up, and Regina tried not to gasp at the tear-stricken face, the wobbling chin, the bright green eyes looking so lost and…and what? She couldn’t tell, and that scared her. She was usually able to tell with Emma. But the look was too complex, as if even Emma didn’t know what she was feeling.

And that’s when it hit her: Emma _didn’t_ know what she was feeling. She looked lost because she _was_ lost. She was clearly satisfied, clearly had enjoyed what they had done, but the aftershock left something she wasn’t able to navigate. It had swept her up, had floated her around until…

“Oh,” Regina let out a little gasp, and instinctively reached out to take Emma under the arms and guide her to Regina’s lap. “Come here, Darling. You’re okay,” she cooed as she held Emma close to her and rubbed up and down her back. “I’m here, sweetheart. I’m right here.”

The tiniest whimper escaped Emma’s lips as she grabbed Regina tightly, limbs curling in on herself as she was tucked under Regina’s chin.

Regina felt her chest swell to the point of pain. So far, the only time Emma had slipped into little space had been when she was fighting off sleep, and it had happened gradually. But this time, she had quite literally plummeted into it, her mind fully awake, fully stimulated, her body alight with pleasure. And it had clearly left her dumbfounded.

“Mama?” the noise was as if she were searching, or breaking. Regina couldn’t tell which. She knew then that after tonight, they weren’t going to be able to avoid a very direct conversation anymore. She was going to have to sit Emma down and discuss all of this with her. Emma’s fear to let go, yet inability to help herself when she was overwhelmed was not the ideal situation, and they needed to talk about it.

She scooted Emma down gently until her head was cradled in the bend of her elbow, and collected pillows and blankets around them to help hold Emma in her lap and wrap their naked bodies in warmth. Bringing a hand to Emma’s cheek, she smiled down at her. “Mama’s here, Little One.”

Emma rubbed her face closer into Regina’s chest as Regina wiped away the tears that streaked her cheeks. Regina felt the body underneath her tremble, and Emma brought her fingers up to her mouth and began to suck. Regina chuckled and leaned over to the nightstand, where she opened the drawer to bring out the second item she had ordered that day. Resting it on one of the pillows, she brought her hand over Emma’s fingers, and gently pulled them from Emma’s mouth.

The look that came over Emma’s face was so heartbreaking, Regina would have melted right there had it not been for the hiccupped sob that escaped Emma’s lips from the offense. That kept Regina firmly in the mindset she needed to be in to calm Emma down, and she shushed her softly. “That’s not good for you, baby. But I have another surprise,” she whispered as she brought the nipple of the pacifier up to Emma’s lips and waited.

Emma’s eyes still held the frustration and hurt from having her fingers taken out of her mouth. She didn’t move a muscle to take the pacifier, but instead turned her head and pressed her face harder against Regina’s chest. However, Regina wasn’t going to give in that easily. “Emma,” she tutted with a perfect mixture of softness and firmness in her tone to get Emma’s attention. “Be a good girl.” She made sure the pacifier followed Emma’s mouth, and with one hard look of contemplation, Emma finally gave in and allowed the soother to be placed in between her lips.

And the moment that happened, Regina felt Emma’s whole body melt further into her lap, a content sigh escaping her as she closed her eyes and nuzzled into Regina. A hand came up and tucked itself in between Regina’s breasts as little puffs of breath escaped her nose and landed on Regina’s skin.

Regina found herself unprepared for the vision in her arms. She’d been daydreaming about it, had planned for its inevitability, but that was nothing to the reality of a beautiful blonde laying peacefully against her, mouth closed around a pacifier. She held back a sob as she tenderly rubbed Emma’s cheek with her thumb. The warmth enveloping her was impossible to describe. She watched the pacifier bobbing up and down as Emma suckled, eyes moving further and further away as the moments passed. She was so far under that Regina wasn’t sure if she would register being spoken to any more than just reading the tone.

Regina tucked a blanket around Emma’s body, wrapping her free arm so she could rub the small of Emma’s back. “Such a sweet little girl,” Regina mused. “How did I get so lucky, hm?”

Emma’s responded with a minimal grunt, and brought her hand up to touch Regina’s face. Regina leaned into it, bringing her own hand over Emma’s and kissing her palm. Regina kept Emma’s hand in hers as she marveled: “You’re so small, Emma.”

She hoped she never got used to this feeling. The absolute perfection of the body in her arms, relaxed and trusting, expecting her to know exactly what to do.

Regina felt her body come down from the incredible sex as she watched Emma slowly give in to the exhaustion threatening to take her. Emma’s eyes were closed peacefully, the sucking of her pacifier less insistent and frequent, the grip of her hand in Regina’s loosening with every moment.

“So small…” Regina rested her head against the pillow behind her, her eyes never leaving Emma’s tranquil face, until she finally followed her in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say thank you for the amazing responses to last week's chapter. It prompted some great conversations about headspace and also PTSD (not related to one another) that were really wonderful. The support for how the characters are being written has been awesome, and I'm hoping that you are all holding on as our slow(ish?) burn starts to alight. 
> 
> As always, I await your amazing comments, and you will see me Wednesday of this week. I have a plan!


	10. What Makes Me Happiest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I need to add this disclaimer before we get started because we are reaching the end of the slow burn, and the Age Play is starting to take shape. I cannot stress this enough: if you aren’t comfortable with Infantilism, Mommy Kink, Age Play, or any other tag I have on here, you need to stop reading. Seriously. You’ve been warned. I’ve made it very clear from the beginning where this is going, the tags have been there from day one. So if you don’t enjoy a story where two consenting adults are engaging in infantilism, bottle play, or nursing kink…I just checked the Swan Queen tag…there are literally almost eleven thousand fics on A03 alone to choose from. I suggest one of those, because all reading this is going to do is make you uncomfortable. And I'm not here to upset anybody or make anyone uncomfortable or unhappy. Not really my thing. However, there are a lot of people that truly love this genre, and this is for them. So if you are someone who loves Age Play well, I hope you like this chapter. Because your amazing comments and kudos have really been helpful keeping this going. There's been lots of plot lately, so I thought I'd just give you some smut.**

Emma woke to the familiar scent of coffee wafting down the hallway into the bedroom. When she opened her eyes, she found that she was enveloped in an array of blankets and pillows that were thrashed throughout the bed. The drapes were letting in the grey morning light, and Emma lifted herself up to look around the room for something to throw on; she was completely naked. The realization sparked a memory from the night before, and she couldn’t help the smile that sneaked onto her face. However, when she stood up, she noticed a tiny object tucked underneath one of the pillows, and the smile vanished. The pacifier. Her pacifier.

She closed her eyes tightly as she remembered the end result of their lovemaking the previous night. She’d really blown it. What kind of an unbalanced crazy person started crying after sex like that? She racked her brain for what had actually happened to make her so upset, but found that things were a little fuzzy. She’d just gotten overwhelmed. But that didn’t excuse her ruining a perfectly good evening.

She shook herself from her reverie as she heard a noise in the kitchen, and searched around for her clothes. She smiled again when she saw that Regina had picked them up off of the floor at some point, and had folded them neatly on the reclining chair that sat next to the wall full of windows.

Once clothed, she tiptoed down the hallway towards the scent and noises to find Regina putting out the coffee mugs and a bowl of cut up fruit onto the table. She had her phone in the other hand, and was talking into it softly.

“I have to go, Sis,” she said, and Emma heard an annoyance in her voice that she recognized when she was talking to Zelena: playful and biting all at the same time. “Yes, I owe you for not answering one time in the last five years. I’m sure I’ll be hearing about it for at least that long.”

Emma watched her hang up, and nearly jump out of her skin when she turned around and saw Emma standing there.

“Sorry,” Emma whispered.

Regina put a hand on her heart and gasped for breath, laughing when she caught it. “You have the very strange gift of knowing when I’m about to come wake you up.”

“I smelled coffee,” Emma pointed to the mugs on the table.

“C’mon,” Regina went to go sit down, and patted the chair that Emma usually sat in.

Emma approached and sat quietly, wrapping her fingers around the warm mug. It was a rainy morning, and even inside it was cold now that she was away from the comfort of the bed. She didn’t look up as she brought the mug to her lips and sipped. Her eyes closed involuntarily as Regina’s hand came up to comb through the hair on her temple. “You okay?”

Emma could hear the concern, and she fought hard to not wince at her utter fuckup the night before. She decided to simply nod, but realized from the sigh coming out of Regina that that response wasn’t going to fly. “Emma…”

“I’m sorry about last night,” she blurted out, her coffee mug hitting the table a little harder than she had intended, and she winced when some of the hot liquid splashed on her hand.

Regina didn’t miss a beat as she grabbed a napkin from the center of the table, and dabbed at Emma’s hand for her. Once she was done, she put her fingers under Emma’s chin to bring her eyes up. Emma fought it, but gave in when Regina’s silky voice came out. “You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I’m sorry.”

At that, Emma’s brows furrowed at Regina. “What are _you_ sorry for?”

Regina sighed again, and Emma couldn’t help but feel fluttering in her stomach at the profile in front of her: curly dark brown hair poking out sexily, makeup free skin glowing in the grey morning light coming in from the windows, neck tight with anticipation. It was never easy to forget how beautiful Regina was.

“Because we should have had this talk before today.” Regina turned her body around so that the two of them were facing each other, and she put a caressing hand on Emma’s thigh. The look in her eyes was so sincere that Emma had a hard time not feeling a glowing warmth in her stomach, despite the dread that was rising in her throat. “Can you tell me what happens, what you feel, when you slip into Little Space?”

“Little Space…” Emma mulled the unfamiliar words over on her tongue before Regina answered.

“Sorry. That’s what it’s called. When you start feeling smaller.”

Emma felt her face turn to fire, and her eyes darted back and forth trying to find words to describe something so foreign and new to her. Something that wouldn’t completely mortify her, if that was at all possible.

“Hey,” Regina brought her back quickly with a squeeze to her thigh. “You are absolutely fine. You’ve done nothing wrong. But I can’t help but notice: you fight it tooth and nail. You fight it and fight it until you literally break. And when you break, you shatter. Emma, I don’t think I need to remind you that you aren’t the only one who wants this. I adore you when you slip. But when it happens, you look so lost and alone. And it doesn’t have to be that way. So please, talk to me. What happens? What do you feel?”

Emma let out a gasp of breath that she didn’t realize she had been holding as Regina talked. “It’s like…it’s like I’m there in the moment. Just me. And then suddenly, there’s this other me. This me that starts thinking and talking in my head. My whole life, I’ve been able to tell her to go away and it’s worked. But lately…she doesn’t. She starts arguing with me. Then another me comes out, and there’s these two people just screaming and screaming in my head. Like all of a sudden, I’m neither one of them; I’m just this innocent bystander having to witness the whole thing, and they won’t shut up. They get so loud, it gets so confusing. By the end I’m just trying to shut them both up.” She sucked in another breath. She hadn’t been looking at Regina when she was talking, but she could tell Regina hadn’t taken her eyes off of her face for one moment. “And then you’re there,” her breathing started shaking. “You call my name. You hold me. And it gets quiet. They stop arguing, and it’s just you, and I’m me again. It’s just me. And you.”

Regina’s face was unreadable as she pursed her lips. “And last night?”

“Last night, it was like it happened in an instant. I was coming down from the most incredible feeling, and that voice was right there, already yelling. Already saying these things, these things I shouldn’t want. And it was like being thrown in the corner to watch these two me’s go at it. It all happened so fast…”

“Things you shouldn’t want?”

Emma’s eyes fell again as she blushed. “You know what I mean. Things that no adult should want.”

She was surprised when Regina smiled at her. “I imagine that’s what they’re fighting about?”

Emma continued being surprised as she looked at Regina. “Yeah. How did you…?”

Regina brushed Emma’s cheek with her fingers. “Think about it. We all have that about some thing or another. It was the same with almost all of the things that my Playmates wanted. You’ll find at the end of the day that it actually adds to the appeal of it. You shouldn’t want it, but you do. And that makes it, I don’t know, thrilling in a way.”

Emma didn’t answer. She tried to remember the argument in her head the night before, but if she were being honest with herself, it was all sort of fuzzy. As if their screaming was just white noise making everything buzz incoherently, confusing her on purpose.

“Emma, I need you to understand something very important. There is slipping into Little Space because you want to, and then there’s regressing into it outside of your control. Do you understand the difference?”

Emma nodded.

“Which are you?”

“Umm…” Emma went back to last night, swirling her mind around the thoughts and feelings. If she looked back at her life, she couldn’t count the amount of times she had managed to shut that kid inside her head up. She was starting to lose the ability now that Regina was with her, accepting her, giving her the space to trust. But did she have control? Could she get up and run away if she really wanted to? Yes, she realized. She could. If she really shut down, like really shut down as she had when those blackouts started to sharpen in her head, then that kid could be thrown right off a balcony and she could pick up and walk off.

At the same time, there was a sliver, a threat of actually sinking too deep. She hadn’t let it click yet, but it was there. But that wasn’t what Regina was asking her. She wanted to know if what had happened so far had been completely in her control.

“I have control,” she finally said. “Sometimes it’s really small, but I have it. I um…I can see it slipping though. It’s why I can get so…”

“Fussy?” Regina smirked at her, and Emma felt her grip tighter on her thigh. When Emma nodded, Regina asked, “Are you afraid to lose it?”

Emma sucked in a breath, which told Regina what she needed to know. “Emma, if that is a true concern of yours, then you need to ask yourself a very important question: do you want to continue this? And before you answer, let me make it perfectly plain that I’m not going anywhere. No matter what the answer is. I want to be with you.”

Emma gulped, but she couldn’t imagine answering any other way than, “yes.”

The look on Emma’s face must have said more than even she realized it did, because as Regina continued to look her over, she stood up and held her hands out. “Come here.”

Emma came forward to wrap her arms around Regina’s neck. They stood up and just held each other for a while, before Regina said softly “Listen, Emma, if it starts getting loud, I want you to reach out to me. There is never a bad time. But just try to reach out before it gets too loud. I hate seeing you shatter like that. You don’t need to break before I’m there. I promise it will be easier to keep that little control you still have if you don’t exhaust yourself beforehand. And I’m going to start checking on you. I’m going to start asking where you are. Because if you lose control…I’ll handle it very differently.”

“Is it…really okay?”

Regina pulled them apart, and kissed Emma softly on the lips as she pet her hair down. Emma knew her face was flushed, but Regina soothed it away with that smile and sweet voice. “Yes. All of it is okay. More than. In fact, doing those things for you, it makes me happiest.”

Emma felt herself swallow as she studied Regina’s face, the sincerity behind it. “How come?” she asked, not able to help the way her head turned into the hand that soothed her cheek, and the smile that Regina was giving her deepened, her eyes blurred ever so slightly as she continued to touch Emma softly.

She leaned in as close as she could, bringing her lips near to Emma’s ear the way that she always did, the way that turned Emma into a puddle as she brought firm and soothing arms around Emma’s waist. “Because there is nothing more intimate, or tender than caring for your most basic of needs. There’s no greater feeling than that trust. Especially when you are more than capable of doing those things for yourself, but you trust me to do it anyway. Having you in my arms…it just feels so right.”

Emma felt the lump in her throat begin to throb, and she tried to put it down with a hard swallow. It barely worked. “I like it too…” There was silence for a while as Regina waited patiently. “But I can’t promise I’m not gunna fight it. Especially when I’m…it’s like an instinct. I’m working on it, but…it might take a while.”

She wasn’t expecting the response she got. Regina’s grip around her waist tightened, and she touched their foreheads together, kissing Emma softly on the lips. “Of course you will,” she whispered with a doting tone. “I expect nothing else. You’re my little fighter.” She kissed Emma again. “You’ve always been a fighter. And I’m going to show you that after you’ve fought like hell, I’m still going to be there.”

The words turned Emma’s legs to jelly, and she found herself holding onto Regina’s shoulders for support, the vibrations on her ear sending chills all the way down her body right to her core. She nearly bucked into Regina as she grabbed onto her, and Regina didn’t miss a beat. She put firm hands under Emma’s thighs and lifted her right up to her waist, pressing her lips against Emma’s. Time seemed to stand still as Emma wrapped her legs around her lover and moaned against her lips, eyes shut tight. After a few moments, she felt Regina start to walk, and she found herself placed sitting up straight on the couch. She opened her eyes to see Regina looming over her, a hand up against the back of the couch to hold herself up as she smiled down at Emma, the other putting a blonde lock behind Emma’s hair.

Then Emma gave a surprised moan as Regina swiftly brought both hands onto the hem of Emma’s pants, and tugged down hard. Instinctively, Emma lifted her bottom off the couch to allow for both her pants and underwear to slide down to her ankles, where Regina left them to put her hands on the back of Emma’s knees and pull her forward several inches. Emma never broke eye contact with Regina, whose eyes were getting darker by the moment, their deep pupils watching Emma closely, and she knew that Regina was looking for any signs of discomfort. She was always on the lookout for red flags from Emma, which honestly just turned Emma on more.

She asked herself: who was she right then? Who was this girl that suddenly liked someone watching over her, protecting her? It wasn’t the Emma she knew. That scared and guarded Emma, ready for battle, pushing voices down, down, deeper. Someone who still had hopes and dreams of bigger and better things, of _belonging_.

And there it was: she could see in those eyes looking down at her, the belonging she’d so desperately wanted. She belonged to this woman. She belonged to those deep brown eyes getting blacker and blacker, brows heavy with care, cheeks flushed with arousal, lips parted in wonder. The absolute devotion in them; nobody had ever looked at her that way before. And she knew she was staring right back with the same expression. She felt her hips raise off the couch again as a pair of warm fingers grazed over her slit, and she realized that Regina was going to take her right there standing over her.

She brought her hands up to Regina’s face and made Regina lean forward to kiss her. Regina complied, still holding herself up with one hand against the couch, her fingers exploring the increasingly swollen lips in between Emma’s legs, and Emma felt a gush of wetness rush out of her opening. Regina must have felt it too, because the moment it happened, she groaned against Emma’s lips and dipped her fingers further down to gather the fluid onto the tips of her fingers. Spreading it over the rest of Emma’s slit, Regina earned a shaky sigh out of Emma’s mouth, and Emma began to slowly pump her hips up into the air and back down to the cushions, just trying to find friction as she waited for Regina to finally plunge inside of her.

But Regina was taking her time. Kissing underneath Emma’s ear, she whispered, “Does that feel good, baby?” right before taking Emma’s lobe and biting down playfully.

Emma tried to breath out an affirmation, but didn’t get farther than nodding her head. She heard Regina’s sultry laugh in response, and she found her hips thrusting a little harder at the sound of it. “You have to use your words, Emma. Otherwise I don’t know what you want.”

“Feels good,” Emma managed, her grip on Regina’s face getting a little firmer in anticipation. “Inside. Please?”

Another chuckle. “Very good,” was spoken in her ear before two fingers were slowly inserted deep inside her.

Emma’s breath caught in her throat as she gasped at the feeling of Regina’s fingers curling against her g-spot. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as Regina pulled out and then slid back in with more force, biting down on Emma’s neck.

Emma felt her head turn into the bite, and her hips were now completely off of the couch, eagerly meeting Regina’s fingers pumping into her. She let out a long and low whimper, which earned her a moan against her skin before Regina let go and husked into her ear. “Tell me what you feel.”

Emma swallowed, not knowing how to answer. It just felt good. It just felt like she couldn’t get enough. And so that set the answer for her, and she found her mouth opening to plead: “More fingers. I need you…harder.”

Regina brought her face up to Emma’s, and their forehead’s touched as Emma felt a third finger enter her. Instantly, her walls clenched around them, and she felt more juices flowing out. For a moment, she worried about the stain that would be left on Regina’s couch, but the worry plummeted from her mind as Regina thrust her fingers so hard, she gave a yelp. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and her neck snapped back, reveling in the feeling of it. “Yes!” she hissed, the mixture of pleasure and the pressure from Regina’s fingers too delicious for her to make any clear sense of it.

But she was brought back ever so slightly with one single word that was asked of her in a much more commanding tone. That tone that always snapped her out of her own head and focused on Regina. “Color?”

“Green,” she replied, trembling now as her pleasure began to build up in her belly. “R’gina…” she started, her hands wrapping around Regina’s neck, and their foreheads pressed against each other once more.

“Yes?” Regina’s voice was straining to stay steady as Emma noticed her breathing becoming much more labored.

“Hunh…” was all Emma could get out until Regina’s other hand grabbed onto the back of her neck, and she pulled away enough to look Emma in the eye.

“Tell me.”

Emma felt herself clutching tighter and tighter with each thrust of Regina’s fingers. As Regina dipped them in, her palm slammed up against Emma’s clit, making her whole body glow with pleasure. And it was rising with each dive of her partner’s digits, her hips pumping to meet them harder every moment. Emma knew she was whimpering pathetically when Regina pressed her hand against her cheek and crooned. “Ssshh. Tell me, baby. Are you going to come?”

A strong buzz of arousal shot through Emma at the words, and she couldn’t help but let out another incoherent whimper. A part of her was mortified that mere words could have such an effect on her, but a much bigger part of her couldn’t get enough of it. It drove her wild. But answering was much, much harder.

“It’s okay, Emma.” That sweet, sturdy voice.

Emma was finally able to form words around her lips, and just before she felt the pressure reach its peak, she managed to clench out, “I’m coming…oh god!” before her body arched up and froze in place. For a moment, she was stuck in perfect serenity before she collapsed in release, a cry escaping from the depths of her chest, her limbs shaking violently at the power of it, a flood of pleasure gushing out of her and onto Regina’s stilled hand. With each inhale of breath, a wave racked her body until she let it out with a whimpering exhale, and by the time she began to come down, she realized she was in a completely different position than before. During her orgasm, Regina had sat on the couch and lifted Emma into her lap. Only one foot still had her pants and underwear dangling off of it as Emma’s legs wrapped around Regina’s waist. She was embarrassed to realize that she was still pumping her hips forward, which was now leaving remnants of her pleasure all over Regina’s shirt. But far from minding, Regina was helping her ride it out by placing firm hands on her bottom and pushing Emma harder into her abdomen, chanting “that’s it, Darling. That’s a good girl,” against Emma’s ear.

“Fuck,” Emma sobbed, all pleasure as she finally collapsed against Regina. She fought to catch her breath as she felt Regina chuckle.

“You,” she kissed Emma’s jawline. “Are,” she kissed her neck. “So amazing,” her hands stopped pressing, and instead rubbed Emma’s bare bottom soothingly.

“I’m a mess!” Emma managed to laugh, her whole body tingling with the aftermath of her orgasm. She sat herself up so that she could bring her lips up to Regina’s. They shared a hard and passionate kiss before Regina pulled away.

“That’s just the way I like you,” she mused. “What do you say we go and take a bath?”

The blush that came over Emma’s face was instant, and she bit down on her bottom lip, unable to hide the huge smile that came across her face.

“Oh, I think somebody likes that idea,” Regina laughed as she tickled Emma’s sides. Emma rewarded her with squeals of pleasure as she fought against the offending fingers.

***

Regina’s bathroom was bigger than anyone’s Emma had ever seen. She had both a stand-in shower and a jacuzzi tub, which Regina was filling and adding bubbles as several jets made the water whirl around. The entire bottom half of Emma’s body was naked save for her socks, and she stood on the sidelines, head in the clouds as she stared out the window. Her body was humming pleasantly, her eyes were droopy, and even though it was a cold day and she was half naked, the heat from the tub was making the air around them thick and warm. All seemed to be calm in Emma’s world.

Her fingers had ended up in her mouth as she stared absentmindedly out the window, but Regina was convinced that Emma legitimately had no clue that had happened. She bit back a smile as she stepped away from the jacuzzi faucet and approached the half-naked daydreamer.

Once she approached her, Emma seemed to snap out of her gaze, and she gave a nervous suck as Regina gently took hold of the hand, and forced it out of Emma’s mouth. “If you’d like, you can have your paci after your bath, Emma.” she said sweetly, but the insinuation was there: no more finger sucking.

As Regina removed her own clothes, and helped Emma out of the rest she had on, she heard Emma whisper something that she didn’t catch.

“What was that?”

“Vinegar,” Emma said, and Regina cocked her head to the side in question. “When I was little, one of the homes I was in put vinegar on my thumbs, so I wouldn’t suck them anymore. But they didn’t put it on my fingers.”

Regina felt a pang in her chest at the admission. Emma hadn’t said much of anything about her childhood, and she knew that had been on purpose. As curious as she was about it, she had a feeling that most of the stories that Emma had kept to herself all these years were not ones she was going to enjoy hearing. At the same time, she knew that Emma finally talking about it was going to help her, and help their relationship.

“They probably wanted you to use your paci.” Regina reasoned, but Emma shook her head.

“Wasn’t allowed. Said they were too expensive, and I didn’t need them anyway.”

Staring, Regina asked: “How old were you?”

Emma took a moment to answer, and it was clear she was trying to remember. “That was at the house with the blonde-haired lady, so…two or three I guess? I was moved right before I turned four, so it had to have been about then. I never remembered any of the family’s names. There were so many.”

Regina literally had to bite her tongue to keep the expletive from exiting her mouth. She felt a wave of sickness wash over her at the idea of someone demanding something like that of a toddler, and she closed her eyes to ground herself before she took Emma’s hand and stepped into the bath. “Come here.”

Emma stepped in, and before they were lowered, Regina put her cheek against Emma’s, and whispered: “I will buy you ten thousand paci’s and never deny you a single one.” She lowered them down slowly into the tub, letting their skin get used to the heat. When they were finally sitting, Regina scooted in behind Emma, and brought their skin against one another. Emma sank into her, hands skimming the top of the water and meeting the bubbles as Regina grabbed a bar of soap and slid it over Emma’s skin under the water.

The large window that overlooked the canal was just next to them, and it was dotted with the rain outside, the light pattering of the water against the glass was a soothing sound. Emma was humming quietly to herself as Regina smoothed up and down her skin with the soap. She had Emma lean forward so she could wash her back, and asked: “Do you have any questions you want to ask me per our conversation earlier?”

Emma stopped humming, and she seemed to think about it for a moment. “Do you, um…are there limits?” she said in a small voice.

“Limits?”

“Yeah. You know, boundaries?”

Regina chuckled as she massaged Emma’s back with water, rinsing the soap away. “We do need to have that talk, don’t we? I would rather you led that conversation, Emma. You’ll find I have very few.”

“What are they?” Emma asked.

“Right now, I’m still just trying to get to know my Little One. I’m trying to assess her needs, trying to find what works and what doesn’t. But if I had to choose, I’d say my biggest boundary is you doing anything you aren’t comfortable with. I expect you to tell me if you are truly feeling unsafe. I won’t be happy if you keep that from me.”

“Because of your promise?”

“Yes. Because of my promise.”

Emma continued her mantra of humming and skimming the surface of the water when she whispered: “you don’t make me feel unsafe.”

Regina finished cleaning them both, and dried Emma and herself off. It didn’t escape her notice that Emma’s eyes were drooping, and she couldn’t blame her. No coffee, a rainy day, a powerful orgasm, and a hot bath would be enough to relax anyone.

Regina dressed them in sweats and flannel shirts, and pecked Emma on the lips. “You look sleepy, Little One.”

Her breath hitched as she watched Emma make a fist and rub at her eye, coming into Regina’s space and resting her head on Regina’s shoulder. Regina gave a little laugh, and rubbed up and down Emma’s back. “Tell you what. Why don’t we grab some pillows and blankets, and watch a movie on the couch?”

Emma brought her head back up, and the look in her eyes had brightened a bit at the prospect of snuggling up to the television. She nodded eagerly, and Regina helped her gather an array of pillows and blankets. Regina made a point to grab Emma’s paci that was buried under a pillow, and they dragged everything into the living room. Emma wasted no time crawling into Regina’s lap. Regina giggled as she wrapped her arms around Emma and brought her into a series of kisses on her cheek, Emma squealing and trying to get away, but not making any moves to leap off the couch.

When they were finally settled, Emma was practically curled into a ball, her head tucked under Regina’s chin, blankets and pillows walling them into a safe cocoon. The gray day outside kept up its mantra of heavy pitter-pattering of rain on the windows, and Regina flipped to find a quieter movie to keep Emma calm.

It didn’t take long to hear Emma’s breathing turn steady and shallow, the side of her head pressing further into Regina’s chest as her limbs began to sag. Picking up the pacifier from the side table, she took a chance and brought it close to Emma’s lips. Emma’s body woke up slightly, and she eyed it sleepily before dragging her gaze up to Regina. And Regina couldn’t help the adoring smile that spread across her face at such a sleepy sight. She said nothing as she coaxed it to Emma’s mouth, and it slipped in. The moment Emma closed her lips around it, Regina felt her entire body dissolve against her. A sigh exited Emma’s lips as she began to suckle, pressing her head back against Regina’s chest.

Regina smiled to herself as Emma began to fall asleep, the television glowing against her skin, enveloped in Regina’s arms, peaceful.


	11. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Descriptions of PTSD, flashbacks, and dissociating.

“You have to come!” Ruby shrieked over the music, pulling on Regina’s hand as if she were a toddler wanting a parent to follow her to the ice cream truck.

“I have to do nothing,” Regina said calmly as she leaned over to swipe Ruby’s butt.

Ruby squealed playfully, and laughed. “It’s Halloween! Even David and Mary Margaret are going!”

Emma, who had been sitting on the couch not paying much attention to the exchange, looked up then. “They are?”

“Yes!” Ruby exclaimed. Several of the Ruby Night goers were now watching the exchange, curious to see how Regina would answer or if they would get more of a show between the two Dommes.

Regina grit her teeth at the idea of being a spectacle. It was her first night out around a group from The Scene since starting to date Emma, and she was getting what she had expected: people staring at her curiously, or trying their hand at flirtation before they were immediately shot down as she ignored them to return to Emma’s side. Still, it was better that she was in the comfort of her girlfriend’s living room over showing up at The Dungeon, which was now being threatened as a real possibility. “First of all,” Regina rubbed her temple dramatically. “We are all in the same room. There is no reason to yell, dear.” Ruby scoffed. “Second, what in the world makes you think I want to go gallivanting around The Dungeon in some ridiculous costume just so that everyone can bombard me with questions about where I’ve been?”

Ruby had been going on and on all night about the Halloween party The Dungeon was putting on for Wednesday. Granted, Regina had been to the annual event many times, and she had to admit that the club threw one hell of a party. However, she hadn’t been out to The Dungeon since starting to date Emma. Katherine, Killian, and Ruby had made it pretty clear over the last month that she was the talk of the club. _Where was The Queen_ , _did you hear The Queen had a new fling, she’s quitting The Scene, retiring her crown_ …and on and on. It didn’t sound like much fun to show up with her “new fling” and have a bunch of people flocking to them and invading their space.

“We’re going as Snow White and Prince Charming,” Mary Margaret chimed as if they were having the most pleasant conversation in the world. Regina grinned and narrowed her eyes at Mary Margaret playfully. She liked Mary Margaret; she didn’t seem to have a mean bone in her body, even though she could be a little flighty. Emma sung praises of her, and Regina knew that she had been an amazing friend to Emma throughout the years. That was enough for her.

“Great,” she rolled her eyes and took a sip of her Scotch.

“What do you think, R’gina?” Emma asked from the couch, and Regina cocked her eyebrow down at her.

“Would you like to go?”

Emma shrugged in response and looked down at her beer. “I dunno. If everyone’s going, it might be fun.”

Regina’s apprehension vanished. The look on Emma’s face told her that she very much would like to go, but was being cautious in case Regina genuinely thought it was a stupid idea. She didn’t think it was a stupid idea. She’d gone numerous times. A part of not wanting to be at The Dungeon was her being protective of Emma. She hadn’t been very comfortable at The Dungeon the night they met, and Regina simply took it as gospel that those surroundings were a little beyond Emma’s limit. But maybe she was wrong. If Emma was all for it, why should she argue?

“That only gives us a few days to find outfits,” she replied.

“Really?!” Emma suddenly perked up and gave Regina a beaming smile. “We can go?!”

“You two should go as a cop and a jailbird.” Ruby piped up.

Regina rolled her eyes at her, but laughed. “I’ll leave it up to Emma.”

“Killian and I are going as pirates, of course.”

“ _Killian_ and I?” a grin spread on Regina’s face as she widened her eyes at Ruby and grabbed her playfully.

Ruby tried to fend her off, but couldn’t help the laughter as Regina tickled her sides. “Alright, alright! So, the cat’s out of the bag…” she laughed, swatting Regina away.

Emma gaped at Ruby. “Wait…isn’t that the guy we ran into at the club?”

“The scoundrel, yes,” Regina remarked.

“He is, isn’t he?” Ruby said dreamily as she took a swig of her beer. She made it seem as if that was the best compliment in the world.

“Wait…” Mary Margaret came closer and whispered secretively. “If you are Killian are a thing now…what’s tonight about?”

Regina hid her smile behind her scotch. How sweet: Mary Margaret thought that either Ruby or Killian were capable of monogamy. Ruby Nights would go on as usual, people would hook up and then go about their lives in the morning. Killian was probably out hopping bars finding his own conquest for the evening. Then he and Ruby would meet up later and compare stories before sleeping with each other. The same had happened between Katherine and Killian several years ago. It faded out in a few months, and now the two were still thick as thieves.

Ruby was giving Mary Margaret a look as if she should already know this, and she said slowly and incredulously, “The same thing it’s about every Friday night, Pinky?”

The circle of banter was broken up as David and Emma giggled behind their drinks on the couch. Regina regarded Emma, and realized from her flushed face and glossy eyes that she was a few too many beers in. Emma wasn’t a usual drinker, she mused. In fact, the only times she’d really seen Emma get into more than a couple of bottles was during Scene gatherings, and she wondered if that wasn’t a coincidence. As Ruby found someone to talk to, and David and Mary Margaret discussed the specifics of their costumes, Regina sat next to Emma on the couch. Emma immediately scooted into her as she put an arm around Emma’s shoulders. She kissed Emma’s temple. “Did you eat dinner, sweetheart?” she asked.

Emma raised the bottle she was holding with a giggle, but Regina didn’t return the amusement. Due to their work schedules, she and Emma hadn’t been able to spend much time together that week. Emma had spent the night Wednesday, where she had scarfed down the lasagna that Regina made her from scratch, but other than that, she wasn’t sure if Emma had had a single square meal the rest of the time. It didn’t help that Emma had received another call late Tuesday night. This time, the person simply repeated her name a few times before hanging up. However, that had been unsettling enough. Regina stayed on the phone with Emma until she was asleep. Regina had wanted to go and stay with her, but Emma insisted that it was alright. There was still a push against that protectiveness that Regina was trying all of her might not to be overbearing with.

She reached for Emma’s beer just as she was about to put it back in her mouth, snatching it out of her hand.

“Hey!” Emma tried to grab for it, but Regina was too quick, and she shot out of her seat and began walking backward, taunting Emma by raising her beer bottle up in the air.

“Come n’ get it,” she called as she dodged Emma’s lunge for it. She turned around and ran into the kitchen, Emma hot on her heals. She spun around as she reached the kitchen counter top, and Emma made a last swipe for her beverage. However, Emma had had way too many drinks to be coordinated enough to aim properly, and Regina easily pulled it away and placed both of their drinks on the far end of the counter. She then grabbed Emma by the waist and spun her around, putting her up against the counter.

“No fair!” Emma pouted, still trying to reach her beer, but unable to get out of Regina’s grasp.

Regina leaned in to peck Emma on the lips. “I know,” she crooned, sticking her bottom lip out in a playful pout and getting a shriek out of Emma as she hoisted her up onto the counter. Emma banged her heels up against the bottom cabinets, but didn’t make a move to get down as Regina opened the refrigerator and grabbed a yogurt. She saw Emma eye her suspiciously as she found the drawers with the spoons and opened the top. She placed herself in between Emma’s legs and dipped the spoon inside.

“Don’t even think about it,” Emma narrowed her eyes at her and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Oh, you’re going to eat this,” Regina shrugged, unconcerned with Emma’s willfulness. “And I’m going to feed it to you. However, your choices are we can either stay here, or we can take this into your bedroom.” Regina cocked her head to the side, and Emma seemed to think about it for a second before her resolve left her.

“Bedroom, please.”

Regina smiled at her, and helped Emma down. “Good manners, sweetie.”

“Can I bring my beer though?” Emma asked, and Regina rolled her eyes and nodded.

That seemed to cheer Emma up about being made to eat, and she grabbed both of their drinks to follow Regina out of the kitchen.

They were going to say goodnight to everyone, but their friends were all very occupied, and so they slipped away into Emma’s room without a single notice. Regina locked the door behind them. “Go sit down on the bed please,” she ordered gently, and Emma seemed much happier to comply with her wishes now that they were alone. She smiled as she came forward and brought the spoon out of the container. Filled with yogurt, she brought it to Emma’s lips, who complied by taking the spoon into her mouth very cautiously. Regina kissed her forehead as she slipped the spoon back out. “You’re making good choices, baby,” she praised.

Emma’s pink cheeks got a few shades darker as she swallowed the yogurt. “Are we gunna go to the party?” she asked, and Regina noted that the tenor in her voice was dramatically different from where it had been a few minutes prior. Looking Emma over once more, she could see that the alcohol was making her a little looser than she normally would be. Emma took time to slip, and had yet to slip anywhere other than Regina’s apartment. Regina was finding that if she initiated it with her actions, Emma was decent at leveling the playing field when she didn’t feel particularly little. However, she was going right along with it tonight, and it was taking no time at all.

“Would you like that?” Regina asked, spooning more yogurt and brought it to Emma’s lips. A tiny bit stuck to the corner of her mouth, and Regina wiped it away with the spoon.

Emma nodded as she smacked the yogurt in her mouth before swallowing.

“Then yes, we can go to the party. What would you like to be?”

Emma shrugged as Regina fed her several more spoons of the yogurt. She tried to get up early, but Regina shook her head and gave her a warning look. “All gone, Emma.” Emma relaxed back in her seat and obeyed as Regina fed her the last few spoonful’s.

The moment she was done, Emma hopped out of the bed and went towards her beer. But the assessment Regina was making of Emma told her that Emma finishing that beer was a bad idea. She was bouncing around lightly, her voice was getting tinier and tinier, and the focus in her eyes was far beyond wavering. Regina gently took it out of Emma’s hand, and though Emma pouted, she coaxed her into a hug. “How about we forget about the beers, and you and I snuggle on the bed, hm?”

Emma stopped reaching back for her beer and finally made eye contact with Regina. And those eyes told Regina that she was doing the right thing. Wide and in wonder, weighing her options. Regina could see that her offer was alluring, but Emma was still trying to figure out if she were done for the night. This was the decision that would change how the evening would go, and Regina waited for Emma to make it. At the end of the day, Emma was in control of how this would end, though Regina had faith she knew exactly what the answer would be. If Emma weren’t feeling little, she wouldn’t take so long to answer. But it was tough making strong decisions when you were so small. If Regina knew one thing, it was that. And she was right: Emma nodded and gave a tiny, “okay.”

“Would you do Mama a favor, and go brush your teeth?”

And there it was: like a switch, Emma’s whole face slackened, her eyes darkened slightly, and she brought her fingers up and tapped her teeth with her nails. _Jackpot._ The use of the word Mama, the tone Regina was using, and the proposition had just sealed the deal that Emma had been bouncing back and forth with for the past half hour. Emma nodded, and went one way down the hall to the bathroom, Regina went the other to put the drinks into the sink.

She came back to the room and grabbed two sets of pajamas out of Emma’s dresser drawer. When Emma came back, Regina closed and locked the door behind them. “Arms up,” she ordered, and Emma shot her hands into the air. Regina suppressed her grin, but she began to lose it as she started on Emma’s pants and watched as Emma’s fingers went back up to her mouth. Ignoring it so she could complete her task, she tossed Emma’s clothes into the hamper in Emma’s closet, and said nothing as she got herself dressed. When she was done, she went to her bag and fished out Emma’s pacifier. She had picked it out because the color matched Emma’s eyes: bright green. On nights that Emma wasn’t with her, she sometimes found herself gazing at it as it sat on the nightstand by what was now considered Emma’s side of her bed. It somehow helped her fall asleep, as she had never been good about that to begin with. Though it seemed to be even harder now on the nights that Emma was not with her, she found the slightest solace in the idea that it was there, as if she just had to get through the night to see Emma again and that somehow made it alright to sleep.

Once she turned to approach the bed where Emma sat, Emma eyed the pacifier, and immediately threw herself against her mattress, burying her face in her pillows. She mumbled something inaudible as Regina tried to fold down the comforter. Emma’s body blocked her, so she tapped her on the bottom. “Under the covers, Emma,” she ordered lightly. Emma complied by kicking her feet until they found their way under the sheets and blankets. She finally came up for air, but turned her head away from Regina, who could see that her fingers were still in her mouth.

Regina sat up against the headboard and looked down at the squirming body. She chuckled as she reached over to grab Emma under the arms, turning her around and managing to maneuver Emma onto her lap. Emma was no help as she immediately hid her face against Regina’s chest. “Do I have a shy Little One this evening?” Regina murmured.

“Buzzed,” Emma mumbled against her chest, making Regina chuckle as she reached for Emma’s hand and gently forced her fingers out of her mouth. Emma made a wounded sound, but Regina didn’t buy it.

“Emma,” Regina’s tone changed to a light warning, “What are your choices?”

A muffled, “don’t know.”

“Now, that’s not true, is it? We’ve talked about this. What did we agree on?”

“No more fingers,” Emma said in a quiet voice.

Regina kissed the top of Emma’s head. “That’s right. So you know what your choices are. But…” she coaxed.

Emma shifted in Regina’s lap, “I hafta ask,” Emma finally finished.

“If you want it, yes. It’s up to you, Emma.”

Emma was quiet for a long time. She started playing with a button on Regina’s pajama top, her face brooding. Regina held back her smile, waiting. It was important to still get affirmation from Emma. That way if she started to argue, Regina could revisit with her and then give Emma the opportunity to redirect if she needed to. So far, that hadn’t happened, but Regina had yet to really push the envelope with her. However, tonight, Emma was being pushed. She had had a few more drinks than normal, so Regina was sure that was bringing on a more argumentative side of Emma. But she had a feeling that the biggest shift was that they weren’t at Regina’s apartment. That had been Emma’s safe haven so far, a place where she could go to be Regina’s little one. But this was her house, filled with her friends just beyond the door, music playing down the hallway to remind of the very adult party happening behind paper walls, and Regina had a feeling that as badly as Emma needed to be in her little space, she was rebelling against it harder than she normally would when tired.

Considering all of these things, Regina shifted Emma down, guiding her head against her heart with a calming hand. Emma automatically turned her body into Regina, tucking her legs in. Regina brought her free hand down to Emma’s bottom and began patting it in a steady rhythm as she began to rock them slowly. “Mama’s here, babygirl,” she whispered assuredly.

Emma’s house was noticeably colder than her apartment, so when she felt Emma give a slight shiver, she reached around them and brought the covers up close. Emma nuzzled further into them, and she gave a happy little sigh. “Mama?” she heard the drawl in Emma’s voice, a sure sign that she was slipping much faster now.

“Hm?” Regina asked as she looked down at her little one expectantly. She knew what was coming, but played off her curiosity.

“Can I…have my paci?” Emma gave her best puppy impersonation, eyes huge and pleading. But she really didn’t have to lay it on so thick. Just the fact that she had asked the question was enough for Regina’s heart glow with pride.

She felt warmth all over, an affection that was solely assigned to the girl in her arms as she wasted no time bringing Emma’s paci to her lips. “That’s my good girl,” she murmured as Emma’s mouth closed around it. The effect was instantaneous. The apprehension that Emma had been carrying around with her vanished, the rigidity of her shoulders vaporized, and the lines in her face smoothed as she began to suckle.

Regina pressed a kiss to Emma’s forehead as she rocked them. She felt Emma become more and more heavy in her lap. Her fingers were playing with Regina’s shirt with much less conviction, and her eyes were slowly closing and opening as she gazed up. Regina was caressing Emma’s cheek ever so softly with the back of her fingers while her other hand was still patting steady beats against Emma’s bottom. The rocking had let up, as Emma began to fall victim to her own exhaustion. Her suckling became fewer and far between as her jaw slackened, but Regina could see her straining her eyes to stay awake. She couldn’t help but smile. “Mama’s little fighter,” she hummed against Emma’s skin. Emma gave a tiny grunt, and proved to be for a few more minutes, but the steady caressing of the arms that held her and the warmth that she was wrapped in won out, and soon, Emma was completely slack in Regina’s arms.

***

By Halloween night, Emma had changed her mind about their costumes twelve times, until Regina finally put her foot down and told Emma that she either needed to decide, or they were going as themselves. Emma hadn’t liked that idea, but Regina reasoned with her that they simply weren’t going to have time to plan for a costume if they waited too long. Sure enough, what Emma wanted to be was nowhere to be found by Tuesday, the night before the party. She pouted and pouted until Regina decided to improvise.

Her closet had plenty of outfits to choose from for herself, and by the time she was done cross matching, she had worked out a decent leather-clad referee outfit for herself, and went to a sports store to get Emma boxing gloves, shorts, shoes, and a jersey.

“You can be my little fighter,” she giggled, and even though it hadn’t been Emma’s first choice, she ended up being pretty into the outfit once she put the gloves on and started practicing her right hook on Regina’s couch pillows.

They met everyone at The Dungeon, where Emma had to admit she was impressed by the way the club had adorned its walls with Halloween décor. Among endless amounts of webs, wax-dripping candles, and cages full of live monsters were smoking drinks, mazes set up in separate rooms, and a DJ playing spooky mixes. It wasn’t until they went in that Emma remembered her first night at The Dungeon and the feelings it had brought out in her: discomfort, uncertainty, a strange feeling in her stomach at the actions and outfits of the patrons inside. It was different tonight. Those things were still in place, still present, but now Emma had Regina, the woman who was quickly becoming her safe space.

She instantly ran to the bar to press her hands up against the glass and ogle at the fish swimming inside. She had only been there for a moment when hands wrapped around her waist, and she would have felt an unpleasant surprise if she didn’t recognize the scent right away of the woman leaning forward to kiss her cheek.

“Hey, Rubes,” she said as Ruby let go and spun her around.

Ruby was decked completely out in a pirate wench’s outfit, bustle huge and corset pressing her breasts out as far as they would go. Her makeup wasn’t very different from its usual color; Ruby liked to paint herself up. But it fit perfectly with her costume. Behind her was the dark-haired man that Emma recognized as Killian, wearing that same mischievous smile that Emma had seen the night they met.

“Where’s the Queen?” Ruby asked, as Killian stuck his hand out to take Emma’s.

“M’lady,” he bowed as he kissed her knuckles, and Emma rolled her eyes.

She saw Killian lose his balance as a hip bumped into his hard, and there was Regina with her elegant and dominating smile, giving Killian a disregarding look as she kissed Ruby on the cheek. “Hello, dears,” she said in a tone that Emma recognized as much lower and playful than she was used to. This was the stage Regina, The Queen. She was going to be playing her role tonight.

“No love for your favorite pirate that you have been neglecting for these many weeks?” Killian said with humor, his smile never leaving his face.

Regina rolled her eyes and leaned in to kiss Killian on the cheek. “Hello, darling. So nice to see you again.”

“I highly doubt that,” he laughed and nodded towards Emma. “She’s been keeping you from me.” He gave Emma a wink, letting her know there was no real hard feelings, and Emma smiled back.

“She’s worth ten of you,” Regina scoffed playfully, putting her hand out for Emma to take, and Emma immediately obliged.

“You two are starting to gross me out,” Ruby wrinkled her nose in gest as she turned around to order drinks for her and Killian.

Emma ordered for her and Regina, and they all talked pleasantly for a while. Eventually David and Mary Margaret showed up, and their outfits were actually quite impressive. Mary Margaret had a long black wig to cover her pixie cut along with a beautiful white dress that made her look like an angel, and David was wearing a red velvet tunic with a sword at his hip.

Emma’s eyes began to wander as they talked. The strange thing about The Dungeon was that save for the decorations, the look of the bargoers really wasn’t all that different from the first night she had been there. There had been people wearing animal costumes and half naked in leather outfits that night too. However, she noticed that the Littles who were there with their mommies or daddies were dressed in unicorn or dinosaur onesies as they sprawled out on a designated area of the floor, trading candies with one another. Once Emma noticed them, nothing else in the room held her interest. She stared deep in thought, wondering what it had taken to get them so comfortable that they found themselves where they were that evening. She couldn’t imagine sharing that side of her with anyone but Regina. It brought so much anxiety for her that her drink was forgotten at her side, and she wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to her own circle’s conversation.

Then, suddenly, a warmth spread along her body, she felt her muscles lax and her head slow its spinning as a hand found its way to the small of her back and made light circles. Regina had slipped her hand to caress Emma while she continued to talk in light conversation with their friends. Looking briefly at Regina, Emma marveled. Regina hadn’t even glanced her way, hadn’t said a single thing. In fact, if she didn’t know any better, she’d think that she was invisible with all the attention Regina’s face was paying to her. But somehow, Regina was making it known that the exact opposite was true. She had Emma, she was there making sure that the clear look of anxiety that spread over her went away.

Emma looked down at her chest where her boxing gloves hung from string around her neck, and a tiny smile started to spread across her face. She felt Regina press a kiss to her temple, and the warmth spread even further, making Emma forget completely about her previous anxiety. She was safe.

As the night wore on, there must have been four dozen people who approached Regina, striking up conversations and saying they missed her. She was warm with all of them as she introduced Emma or greeted them with cheek kisses and hugs, keeping the conversation light. Emma found herself staring at Regina’s legs that were practically bare from her skimpy referee outfit. Regina had her hair swept back in a small ponytail to match Emma’s, who had hers back for to prepare to “fight”. She really was gorgeous. Emma couldn’t blame anyone for missing Regina coming here in her numerous outfits, if for no other reason than to provide eye candy. But Emma knew Regina now, and the surprisingly sweet and patient nature of the woman before her made the idea of ogling Regina like a piece of meat seem vulgar. Regina was so much more, she was such a beautiful soul. She wondered if there was a single person here who actually cared about any of that, or just wanted Regina for her body, for the Play. Regina always kept the conversations brief and superficial, making it clear to anyone she was talking to that they were an afterthought compared to the woman at her side. It made Emma warm all over.

“Well, hello there.”

A strange feeling came over Emma just then. Her eyes were on Regina, who was carrying on a pleasant conversation with a woman dressed in a sexily adorned peacock outfit. The music around her made it hard to hear anything they were saying, so she absentmindedly was sipping her drink as she allowed Regina to catch up. But the voice that wormed its way into her ear was crystal clear, and it traveled into her brain and down her spine. Turning to follow the voice, she found herself face to face with that man who had run into her last time. Face covered in strange sparkling green makeup, eyes yellow and menacing, teeth bared in a frightening sneer, the leer he was giving Emma was nearly enough to make her shrink back and into the arms of Regina.

But she didn’t. She just stood there transfixed, not saying a word. He bowed to her and then jumped up so quickly, she started. But she froze immediately when she realized how close to her face he was pressing his own. She tried to swallow, but found that her throat was paralyzed. “Do we…know each other?” he mocked, cocking his head eerily to the side.

Emma said nothing as she saw the flicker in his eyes shift, and his mouth spread in the most haunting sneer she had ever seen. “Ah…” he giggled in a high-pitched tenor, quickly clapping his hands, and then coming so close to her face that she could smell his breath. Then he bared his teeth and seethed through them, “Swan.”

The next thing Emma knew, he was gone. It was the strangest moment; one he was there, and the next he wasn’t. To add to the strangeness, Regina was in front of her, one hand on her hip and the other cupping her cheek, and she looked really concerned. She was saying something, but Emma couldn’t tell what. And it wasn’t because the music was too loud; she couldn’t hear that either. It sounded as if it were in a building far away. So did Regina, for that matter. She felt a strange coldness at her feet and on her leg, and realized that her beer had fallen from her hand and shattered to the ground. Pieces of the glass had hopped up and scraped her bare leg, liquid and foam drenched her new boxing boots. She would have stepped away, but realized that her feet were nailed to the floor. Her knees were locked. _She_ was locked.

Stranger still was the fact that her vision was there, but somehow wasn’t really computing. She saw the outline of what looked like Ruby and Mary Margaret, she saw people fussing about her. But all of that commotion was nothing compared to what she was really seeing in front of her.

Blackness. Blackness with the slightest sliver of light, as if she were peering out of a dark room into another with one little eye, and she thought _: I’ve been here before. I haven’t been here since, but I’ve been here before. What am I doing back here? Why now?_

Looking down at the blood on her leg, a comforting thought tried to come over her: _ah, that’s why I’m here. I’m seeing blood. Reminded me. There_ was _a lot of blood there. Had to be why I thought of it._

But far from comforting her, all that did was bring something to the surface she never thought she’d see again. In fact, she hadn’t even remembered it until that moment.

 _It._ Nope, just as soon as it was there, _it_ was gone. Her vision blanked, and all she saw instead was that tiny sliver of light coming into that dark room being blocked by a body.

_“Find that fucking kid!”_

_The baby was crying in the other room…the door opened. Light flooded in._

_“Ah, Swan.”_

“Emma!”

Regina. Suddenly, it was much colder than it had been, and Emma realized that the noises she was hearing now were cars passing by on the street. The music was muffled now because she was indeed out of the building. Suddenly, her senses flooded back to her, she could move again, she could see and hear again. And what she saw was Regina with the most terrified expression Emma had ever seen. She looked as if her whole world was shattering. She looked as if she wasn’t sure that Emma was going to take another breath.

So Emma took a breath, but she realized the moment she tried that she couldn’t get enough. She gasped, gulping in the frigid night air, and as soon as it hit her lungs, she felt desperation to get more. She began sputtering, wheezing, almost collapsing as she tried to fill her lungs. Regina was there to catch her, holding her up. “That’s it. That’s it, sweetheart. Breath.” That strong hand on her back, the voice pleading with her.

“Emma?” Mary Margaret. Emma looked up to see her and Ruby holding each other’s hand. They looked petrified. Mary Margaret had tears streaming down her face. She suddenly saw all of her friends looking at her as if she had just come back from the dead, and even what looked like a bouncer was standing there with a strangely unconcerned expression, arms crossed, looking down at her.

“Wha…?” she tried to ask, but her voice caught. Suddenly, that air she had been gasping for was now so offending on her skin. It was biting her flesh, going down to the very bone. She felt naked, exposed, and not just because of the cold. She didn’t like this. Something was wrong. What happened? One moment, she had been by Regina’s side, enjoying a pleasant evening. The next, everyone was crowding around her, looking at her like she was a sideshow. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be a dream or some sort of sick joke. She looked at Regina for answers, but the look that Regina gave back told her that this wasn’t a joke. This wasn’t funny at all.

***

The break that Regina had been waiting for finally emerged. Emma, clearly confused and terrified, flung her arms out, and Regina caught her just in time. Her body was so wracked with sobs and tremors that for the first time, Regina had difficulty keeping her from falling. “Ruby. Get my keys out of my pocket and go get my car,” she commanded without even looking at Ruby. She fought hard to keep her voice steady, but if she were honest with herself, Emma was scaring the living hell out of her. She’d never seen her disappear like that, and judging from the reactions of Ruby and Mary Margaret, they had never seen it either.

Sobs were tumbling out of Emma’s body, making her feel fragile. Regina held onto her as her little body released the fear and confusion. She steadied her with a hand to her head, turning her face into the embrace. “Sshh…” she murmured. “Emma, sshh.”

David came running outside, handing Mary Margaret a wad of napkins, and Regina held Emma up as Mary Margaret dabbed the small amount of blood and beer from Emma’s leg.

“Regina, what’s wrong with her?” Mary Margaret asked as Ruby took the keys out of her pocket and quickly ran off.

Mary Margaret’s question affirmed what Regina had been thinking, and she shook her head in answer.

“Here love,” Killian shrugged out of his pirate jacket and spread it over Emma’s shoulders.

Regina held it in place with a firm hand and brought her lips to Emma’s ear. “I’ve got you, Darling. We’re going home, okay? Can you hold on just a few more minutes?”

No answer except the quaking of Emma’s body. The jacket wasn’t helping much, and Regina knew it was because the bigger problem was internal. Ruby came around the corner with the car, the tires screeching in her hurry, and Regina wasted no time getting Emma in as Killian held the door open. “Keep the jacket for now. Just give it to Ruby later,” he said.

“Thank you, Killian,” Regina gave him an appreciative smile as Ruby came around the side of the car and crouched down to Emma.

“Em,” her voice was pleading, but Emma had grabbed hold of the jacket and had brought it up to her face, squeezing her eyes shut tightly as if it were enough to make the entire world disappear. Ruby looked up at Regina helplessly, and Regina put a hand on her shoulder.

“Just let me take her home. I’ll keep you posted, okay?”

The look Ruby gave her said that she had better keep her promise and her best friend safe, and Regina could only squeeze her shoulder in reply. “You’re okay to drive?” she finally settled with.

Regina held back a sigh. She’d barely had time to tuck into her second drink before things had gone awry. “More than,” she assured.

Climbing into the car, she wasted no time driving off, a firm hand stayed on Emma’s thigh as she continuously assured her on their way home. She heard Emma whimper underneath the jacket. “We’re almost there, baby.”

“R’gina…” the voice that answered her was so small and lost, Regina wasn’t sure if she’d ever heard it. She sounded so scared. It made her heart drop, and she racked her brain trying to find an answer for what could have possibly caused such an episode. She hadn’t seen The Crocodile walk up to Emma, but he looked as though he were walking away when she seemed to turn into a statue. However, there had been a lot of people around, and she had been busy with her conversation. It was hard to say for sure.

She figuratively smacked herself upside the head for the thousandth time. How could she have been so distracted that she hadn’t noticed something was wrong with Emma? Was it The Dungeon itself? Had something happened? The fact that she was grasping for straws let her know that she had failed her little one that night. She should have noticed there was something wrong far sooner so that Emma wouldn’t have had a chance to plummet like she did. And if it had been something that happened suddenly, she should have been more attentive to have caught it. She’d failed Emma. Plain and simple.

She didn’t even bother to wait until they were in the apartment before picking Emma up and securing her around her hips. She took her from the car to the elevator that way, and Emma didn’t seem to have it in her to fight it. When they got inside, Regina unceremoniously dropped all of their wallets, phones, keys, and Killian’s jacket at the floor and took Emma straight to the bedroom. Sitting her on the bed, she crouched in front of her and took in the sight. Emma just stared back, her eyes a mixture of recognition and detachment of reality. She was in her head. Regina could practically see her running around to the different cabinets in her mind, pulling files out and reading them breathlessly before stuffing them back in and going to the next.

“Emma,” she called gently, hands at Emma’s sides. There was a single beat when she thought she’d have to call again, but she saw Emma click into place just enough to acknowledge being spoken to. “Baby. Talk to me.”

Emma’s shoulders slumped, looking defeated, and she gave Regina a look as if to apologize. “I don’t know. I don’t know what happened.”

Regina gave Emma an assuring smile. “That’s okay. Do you know what the last thing you remember was?”

Emma thought for a moment, her once neat ponytail frayed around her face. Regina pulled it free and ran a hand through Emma’s hair. “Take your time,” she assured.

“You were talking to the peacock.”

Regina smiled. “That’s right. Her name is Belle. She’s a friend.”

Emma was silent again as she thought, Regina once again saw the wheels turning. “It…it got dark. He found me…”

Regina stiffened. She saw that look come back: Emma was going through files. But of all the things to have said, that was not what she was expecting. “Who found you?”

“He opened the door…”

Regina wasn’t sure what was scaring her more: Emma blacking out or her current ramblings. “Emma?” Nothing. She was narrowing her eyes now, she was working hard, trying to remember. Her breathing sped up, and Regina saw a tremor wrack her body.  “Emma, hey,” Regina put her hands over Emma’s cheeks and forced them to lock eyes. “I’m here. You’re okay. Take a breath.”

Suddenly, Emma seemed to snap out of it a bit, and she put a hand on Regina’s raised arm, nuzzling in to one of Regina’s hands. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Regina,” she closed her eyes. “I don’t know what happened. I was standing with you one minute, and then the next we were outside. I thought I remembered something, but it’s gone. I don’t even know where it came from in the first place. I’m sorry I ruined Halloween.”

Ruined Halloween? Regina had to bite back a humorless laugh. “Forget Halloween,” she said as she brought Emma into a hug. “I’m sorry, Emma. I should have…I don’t know.”

“No, Regina,” Emma squeezed harder. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Regina felt a tear sting her eye, and she sniffed back the urge to cry. She straightened herself up and unlocked her arms from Emma’s. “Okay,” she breathed, bringing a hand up to wipe her one tear, and wiping away one of Emma’s as well. “How about we put on some jammies, and snuggle for a while on the couch?”

Emma’s face seemed to brighten at that idea, and she nodded enthusiastically. Regina undressed Emma first, and brought out some alcohol and band aids to patch up the scrapes from Emma’s beer bottle that had dug into her legs. Emma barely made a noise as she did it, but she could tell from the taught muscles that Emma was certainly feeling the cuts. She kissed Emma’s bare knee when she finished.

Once in the living room in their comfy bed clothes, Regina heard Emma’s phone ring, and remembered suddenly that she needed to check in with Ruby. She went fishing for both of their phones, and when she handed Emma hers, she noticed that the number did not have a name assigned to it. Despite that, the look on Emma’s face told her everything she needed to know. This was the caller.

Regina fought the urge to yank the phone out of Emma’s hands and throw it off of her ten-story balcony. Emma was nowhere near in the right mindset to answer it, but before she could say or do anything, Emma hit the answer key and brought it to her ear.

“Yes,” Emma’s voice was passive, eyes never leaving Regina’s.

The voice that came through was muffled for her. She could tell they had said something, but wasn’t sure what. She was about to ask Emma.

But before she could even get a word out, she stopped cold. Emma’s green eyes were blackened by growing pupils. The knuckles holding the phone turned bone white, and her face set, making her look like a porcelain doll. And most frightening of all was that it simply didn’t matter that their eyes were locked on each other; as far as Emma was concerned, Regina and everything else real and tangible, had simply vanished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes yes, I know...I'm doing it again. I'm leaving you hanging.  
> This week, I will not be updating on Wednesday. It will be Halloween and I hope that you spend the time having some fun. This was a little scary-ish chapter for you just to be festive.  
> Don't worry: Emma and Regina will be back next Sunday and you will see how this all unravels.  
> Don't forget to say hi. It pretty much keeps this story going. You have all been really awesome with your kudos and comments. Even those of you who don't normally read age play fics have been super gracious and I'm just very thankful for all of your kindness.  
> 


	12. Records

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: talk of PTSD, symptoms of PTSD, reenactments of PTSD.

_The baby had been crying for so long. He was just crying and crying. Emma hated it when the baby cried like that. It always made her feel like if she were ever to cry, nobody would ever come for her either. And of course, they wouldn’t._

_But today, she couldn’t worry about the baby. She had to worry about “Mommy”. That’s what she made Emma call her. It was a good thing too, because Emma never remembered any of their names._

_“Mommy” had been crying too. Louder than the baby. Now Emma couldn’t hear her. She just heard the man yelling._

_“Find that fucking kid!”_

_She peaked through the crack in the door, hoping nobody would see her. She didn’t want to end up crying like the baby. Like “Mommy”._

_Then the door…._

“Emma? Please come back to me.”

Regina’s face took shape in her vision, skin and hair refining. She could smell her again; it took the place of that strange scent of metal and urine. She could see the same look that had plagued Regina at the club.

“Come back to me, darling.” Soft and gentle hands were on Emma’s cheeks, pools of water were brimming those eyes that Emma loved.

_Loved._

Emma sucked in a breath and blinked fiercely. “R’gina?”

A relieved smile, and a breathless laugh characterized the woman in front of her once she spoke. Regina leaned in to kiss her fiercely before pressing their foreheads together. Emma felt her legs shake, and her knees buckled. She sank to the floor, and Regina tried to grab her, but she was too late. Emma felt a thick sheet of sweat cover her skin in a strange burst of both frost running through her veins and fire overtaking her flesh.

Looking around, she could see herself in the entryway of Regina’s apartment, Killian’s coat and Regina’s keys and both of their cell phones strewn on the floor. “What happened? Did I…?”

Regina was at her level, rubbing her arms. “You got a phone call. It was him.”

 _Him_. Emma strained her brain, trying to remember. That’s right. He had called, hadn’t he? What was it he always said? _Ah, Swan…_ in that voice. That voice Emma knew from somewhere. From the door.

Where was that fucking door? She hadn’t seen it in years, but now it played over and over in her mind; just that tiny frame of time playing like a skipped record. It was a sliver of light, then somebody opened it. She looked up…and…it was a sliver of light, then somebody opened it. She looked up…

Fuck.

“Fuck!” she put her hands up to her head and squeezed her eyes tightly. “I think I remember something I forgot. The caller…he knows me. Or I know him. But it’s just this picture. Nothing else. But I know, I can tell I was really scared. It’s something bad. I know it’s something bad.”

***

The layer of sweat that rose on Emma’s body mixed with the overpowering shaking was enough to scare Regina, but that haunted look on Emma’s face as she kept going through those files in her head? It was enough to drive Regina as mad as Emma seemed to be going. And what she was saying was the most terrifying of all. She wanted to sob out her questions, but checked herself. Firmly. Emma needed a rock right now, and if she weren’t up to the task, she needed to call in reinforcements. But she was up to the task, she _wanted_ the task. So, she had better shape up if she wanted to be what Emma needed her to be.

“Emma,” she said it so evenly, that she actually saw a calming reaction from the woman on the floor who was clutching her head as if it had just been hit with a blunt object. “I want you to listen to my voice,” she brought her hands towards Emma’s and gently made them release their hold. She took them in her own and held them. “I want you to take slow, deep breaths.”

Emma tried and failed, and she was about to get angry with herself, but Regina just squeezed her hands lightly. “It’s okay. Take your time. Try again.” She emulated a deep breath over and over until Emma started to get it right. “Good girl,” she encouraged. “Keep going.”

She waited for several minutes, letting Emma take as many of those breaths as she needed to before she saw the shaking go down. Emma’s pace would start to pick up, but Regina made sure to reinforce her taking it slowly. “Look at me.”

Emma looked up, her eyes bloodshot and so tired. She’d exhausted herself. Regina didn’t blame her. She was tired too. It had been a difficult evening, and she was trying to decide where she should go from here. On one hand, she wanted Emma to talk out anything she needed to talk about, on the other hand, she felt that what Emma really needed was to stay calm. She gave Emma the most reassuring smile she could muster, and it suddenly came to her what they needed to do. Getting up from her knees, she guided Emma to her feet. Wobbly but able, Regina guided them to the kitchen table, where she had Emma sit down. “I’m going to be right back. Don’t move.”

She went to her second bedroom that she had turned into an office and grabbed a blank notebook and a pen. Coming back to Emma’s side, she saw her sitting with her head in her hands, her eyes transfixed on a spot of the table. She clearly was tired but also strained, which meant she was still trying to work out what had happened to her that evening. Regina couldn’t blame her for feeling frustrated. She would be too if she had blacked out and then came to with little to no answers, everyone you cared about just looking at you as if they were at a loss on how to help you. Regina was going to fix that last part.

She put the paper in front of Emma and held the pen out. She saw the confusion on Emma’s face, but she took the pen from Regina anyway. “What I want you to do is write out everything you remember. The phone calls, and the memories. Just anything you can think of. Doesn’t have to be in complete sentences, doesn’t have to be in order. But I want you to keep writing until you can’t think of anything else to write. Okay?”

Emma looked from Regina to the paper, and swallowed. “Yeah. I think I can do that.”

Regina smiled back at her, squatting down and putting a comforting hand on Emma’s leg. “I’m going to be right here with you, okay? And once your done, we are going to put the paper away, and we are going to go lay down and not worry about any of this until the morning. And when you feel after we are done that you are going back to that place, I want you to talk to me. I don’t care if it’s three in the morning. You’re to wake me up and tell me. You think you can do all of that?”

Emma seemed to take comfort in the idea that there was a plan and someone else in charge of the when’s and the how’s, because she nodded her head again and said in a small voice. “Okay Mama.”

Regina smiled wider at that, realizing that she had made the right choice, as Emma was clearly clinging to the little control that Regina was taking. “Okay, good girl. Mama’s gunna go call Ruby now. She’s been worried about you. I’ll be right in the bedroom. I’ll come check on you in a minute.”

Regina went and grabbed both of their phones. Turning Emma’s to silent and taking it into the bedroom, she put it in her own nightstand. There was no way she was risking another phone call that night. Ruby answered her phone right away when Regina dialed. “How is she?”

Regina sighed. “Not great. Better, but not great. She got a call right when we got home.”

“A call? From that creepy guy?”

“Yes. Ruby, how much do you know about Emma’s past?”

Ruby was quiet for a minute, and she could hear Mary Margaret twittering in the background along with David telling her to calm down. “Not much. Emma never talks about it. I mean, Mary Margaret and I were around from age twelve up. But she was always…I don’t know how to put it really. Reserved? She moved homes a few times during high school, but never said anything until after the fact. Just one day, she mentioned ‘Oh, that’s not my address anymore’, that sort of thing.”

Disappointed, but not surprised, Regina tried a different angle. “She thinks she knows who the caller is. Somebody that she forgot about? I figured that had to do with her childhood, but she doesn’t remember anything really specific.”

Ruby made a humming noise. “There were a couple of times that she wouldn’t show up to school, and then she’d come back really quiet and sort of spaced out. But she always bounced back from it. But nothing major that I can think of, and she never talked about anyone specific. I don’t know, Regina. Do you think it has something to do with what happened tonight?”

Regina shook her head as if Ruby could see it as her answer. “I truly don’t know. I’m going to call my sister. See what she thinks.”

“Your sister?”

“She’s a psychiatrist. I’m just going to explain what we saw and see if she has any idea what it was.”

“What I saw was her fucking brain leaving her head. Like she was an Emma shell.”

Regina squeezed her eyes closed at the assessment. “And you’ve never seen her do anything like that before?”

“Never,” Ruby’s answer was firm. “Scared the shit out of me. Mary Margaret is still crying.”

“Tell her Emma’s okay. She’s calm right now. We’re going to sleep soon. But I promise to call if anything changes.”

“Do you think she got a phone call at the club too? Is that what made her go all…weird?”

Regina mulled the idea over. “I didn’t see her on her phone,” and she thought about what she had seen, but again, she couldn’t be sure. Whatever the case, she was going to wait to talk to Emma about it. Emma needed rest, not to be interrogated.

Once ringing off with Ruby, she called Zelena, who answered with a drowsy, “What in the bloody hell do you want at this hour?”

“It’s only eleven thirty.”

“Oh, apologies. You’re right. Since I have absolutely nothing to do on a Thursday morning, Wednesday night is a perfect time to call me at all hours. You’re not on a sugar high, are you Bun? You know you’re too old for trick or treating.”

Regina scoffed. “I thought you wanted me to call you when crazy shit happened. Or was that just to get under my skin?”

The tone in Zelena’s voice changed immediately. “What crazy shit. What’s happened?”

Regina explained Emma’s episode in the best way she knew how, including the phone call and what Emma had told her just before sitting her down. She kept walking through the hallway to check that Emma was still writing, which she was, and went back into the bedroom.

“How long did you say she blacked out again?”

“God, I don’t know. Felt like forever, but probably about ten minutes.”

“And she was completely nonresponsive during that time?”

“Completely. I had to carry her outside. I called her name over and over. Nothing.”

“What’s she doing now?”

Despite everything, Regina chuckled. “I used one of your tricks you used on me after Daddy died and Mother was being particularly…Mothereque. She’s writing everything she remembers out in the kitchen.”

Zelena was quiet for such a long time, and Regina had the opportunity to peek over at Emma again and go all the way back to the room. “Regina, what you’re describing is typically things I see with my patience that are suffering from severe PTSD.”

“PTSD from what?”

“Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? PTSD can happen when exposed to anything the mind can’t fully take on. Car crashes, battle fields, abuse or sexual assault, witnessing violence. All kinds.”

Regina shuttered. “She was in foster homes her whole life. She says she doesn’t remember a single family’s name that she ever stayed with and doesn’t remember this person whose calling or what happened, but she knows the voice. Could it be that she’s blocked all that out?”

“Absolutely. Foster homes aren’t known for their delightful hospitality. Could be something she experienced as a child.” Zelena said. “But she’s going to need to talk to someone to really unravel all of that. Somebody good. This isn’t something to take lightly, Regina.”

“I’m not!”

“I’m not saying you are, Bun. What I’m telling you is to proceed with caution. Talk to her about getting some help. People who suppress memories do it for ultimately the same reason: it was something they couldn’t cope with. It’s important for you to realize that when Emma buried this, it was to protect herself. Bringing that type of memory up…you need a professional. And she’s going to need a lot of support.”

“Do you know anybody?”

“In Boston? A few. I can try and get ahold of my old mentor. He’s got a waiting list a mile long, but if I called in a favor, he might see Emma on short notice. If I’d trust anyone with treating PTSD, it’d be him.”

Regina thought for a moment. She wasn’t sure if Emma was going to be open to talking to a counselor, being as that she didn’t even talk to her closest friends, but perhaps she just needed a nudge in that direction. If Regina offered her support, it could help.

Zelena instructed her to call if Emma had another episode so that she could walk Regina through it, and they rung off. Regina ran the term _PTSD_ in her head a few times as she hung up and went to her nightstand where she turned on her new mp3 player/nightlight. While playing sleep sounds, it projected waves on the ceiling, and she found that it soothed Emma when she couldn’t get to sleep. It had been one of several purchases she had made over the past couple of weeks. Most still sat in her closet, waiting to be used. Emma had wanted to take things slow, so Regina was bringing out concepts just that way.

As she turned the noise to Emma’s favorite (ocean waves and crackling fire), she heard a voice behind her. “Mama?”

Regina turned around, and found Emma standing behind her, one hand holding a wrinkly stack of paper, the other in a fist rubbing her eyes. Regina wasn’t at all surprised to see her slipping into little space. It had been a far more exciting night than either of them had bargained for, and Emma certainly needed comfort. Just seeing Emma this way made her heart ascent to a lighter place. In baggy pajamas, hair tussled about, eyes sleepy, Emma was the picture of perfection. “Hi baby. You all finished?”

Emma nodded and handed the papers over to Regina. She smiled when she noticed that Emma had managed to fill up three pages, and stopped when she saw a few scribbled drawings. One looked like a partially opened door in a dark room. The other looked like a teddy bear laying upside down in a crib. She took the papers to her nightstand and put them in the same drawer as Emma’s phone. She came back to Emma, and brought her into a hug. “Good job,” she kissed Emma’s cheek, and Emma let out a huge sigh as she wrapped her arms around Regina’s neck. “How are you feeling?”

Emma shrugged in response.

“You ready for sleep, Little One?”

She felt Emma shake her head no, and unlocked their arms so that they could make eye contact. “No? You look pretty sleepy to me,” she said in a sing-song voice that made Emma cuddle into her closer. She liked it when her mama talked to her in that voice, Regina knew.

Emma just shook her head again, rubbing at her eyes with another fist. “Scared.”

Regina felt a pang hit her chest, her heart dropping again, and she rubbed Emma’s arms soothingly. “Scared to go to sleep?”

Emma nodded this time, and laid her head back down on Regina’s shoulder. Regina held her for a moment, just running her hands up and down Emma’s back as she thought about the evening, all that had transpired, her discussion with Zelena, and where Emma’s headspace was now. It had all been so overwhelming, she knew she herself was probably going to have some strange dreams. She had to find a way to bring Emma down from the height of the evening.

Kissing Emma’s cheek, she broke the embrace to turn the bedsheets and comforter down, and brought the array of pillows she owned into a half circle. She sat against the pillows propped up on the headboard, and guided Emma into her lap, where she laid her down and cradled Emma’s head in the bend of her arm. Emma gazed up at her with trusting eyes as Regina ran a hand through blonde locks, and noticed that Emma seemed to look blank for a moment. As if she had succeeded in erasing her thought process, and all that she had capacity for was the here and now. Pursing her lips, Regina whispered softly, “where’s my little one right now, hm?”

Emma’s hand went to Regina’s shirt, and Regina felt relief as Emma began playing with her buttons. This was a favorite of her little one’s, and the familiarity of the action was a good sign. “Here, Mama,” Emma answered, and Regina took Emma’s prying hand away to bring it to her lips. She kissed several of Emma’s knuckles, before she let the hand go, and went to unbutton her shirt herself. Emma watched her with that blank expression, only the slightest bit of curiosity nudging at her features as Regina opened her silk pajama shirt down to her navel.

As she did so, she asked, “Will you stay here with Mama?” Emma nodded, and Regina smiled. “And tell Mama if you start to go away?”

“You mean if it gets dark?” Emma asked, and Regina felt actual pain in her heart at Emma’s perspective of the events. It must have been terrifying to be locked away in darkness with no memories, no context, and no escape, until suddenly you were snapped back into reality where everyone around you was upset and worried. No wonder Emma had been so afraid.

“Yes, darling. If it gets dark, tell me. I’ll keep the light on.”

Emma’s eyes traveled up to the wave projections on the ceiling from the nightlight, and she pointed one little finger up. Regina chuckled at Emma’s connection, and she nodded as she moved her shirt to the side, exposing her breast. Emma’s head lay just beneath it, and as she shifted her gaze from the rainbow colors dancing on the dark ceiling above to what Regina was doing, Regina saw her expression shift. Sinking further into little space, the hoods of Emma’s eyes were heavy, her pupils dark, and her breathing was small and shallow as her fingers continued to twist slowly around a now loose button on Regina’s shirt. “It’s time to sleep now, Emma,” she whispered, and when she heard the expected whimper from Emma’s throat, she brought a hand down to pat her bottom. “Sshh, you’re alright, darling. What’s my promise to you? Do you remember, Little One?”

Emma hiccupped once before she nodded, and answered, “keeping me safe.”

“That’s right,” Regina brushed Emma’s cheek with a finger. “I will keep you safe. Even in your dreams, Mama will be right here with you. You just call, and I’ll be here.”

Regina held her breath as she took hold of her exposed breast, and guided it to Emma’s lips. Emma looked up at her in question, but not confusion Regina realized. She was asking permission with her eyes, and Regina smiled at her. “It’s alright, sweetheart,” she coaxed as she brought her nipple to Emma’s mouth.

Emma parted her lips and mildly closed them over Regina’s nipple. At first. However, once the contact happened, a sigh escaped Emma’s lips that was so full of release, she nearly sobbed. Almost immediately, her whole body turned further into Regina, and her hot mouth pressed firmer to envelope the nipple in a smooth suckle. Emma nuzzled into the breast she was attached to, hand going up to cup the exposed flesh above her nose, lashes fluttering as her eyes involuntarily closed.

The wave of emotion that crashed over Regina was so intense, she nearly cried out. A feeling of relief, wholeness, and peace swirled through her, enveloping her, as she felt Emma suckle. She clutched Emma tighter and continued to pat her as she breathed out. “Oh, Emma. Good girl.”

Emma responded with a content grunt, clutching Regina’s flesh tighter and finding a rhythm to her suckling, which she did in short strong strokes, her cheeks hollowing out with every pull of the nipple.

“Slow down, darling. There’s no rush. That’s it. That’s my girl.”

Peace seemed to come over Emma’s features as she sighed happily and nuzzled closer into Regina, a tiny smile tucked on the corner of her mouth and encircled Regina’s nipple. Regina felt the wet pull, the soft and insistent tongue searching, the vibrations from Emma’s content humming. If a good feeling could kill her, she assumed that this would be the one. Holding Emma so close to her, feeling the connection that such a small yet intimate thing gave them both was unlike anything she had ever experienced. She couldn’t describe in her head what that feeling was, but her heart had never felt more electric or alive. The image of Emma attached to her breast was one that was quickly imprinting in her mind; she looked absolutely stunning.

Emma’s eyes opened to look up, and Regina’s mouth spread in a satisfied smile. They were darker than she’d ever witnessed, bleary as they met her gaze. Emma had already been falling under, but now Regina could see that she was completely at the mercy of the care she was being given. The energy had shifted; Emma was content and comfortable, trusting as Regina nursed her. “There’s my Little One,” Regina cooed. “Hello, my baby,” Regina mused softly as if to herself, though keeping her eyes locked on Emma’s and her voice at the pitch she used for Emma’s littler moments.

Emma’s eyes half-closed as she sighed in response, and the creases above her brow disappeared. Trying to focus her attention on Regina’s face, her fingers put pressure on the flesh of Regina’s breast, and she gave a few hard sucks that made Regina jump.

Chuckling, Regina grabbed the hand gently and kissed each of Emma’s knuckles and she continued to gaze down adoringly at her. “Slow and gentle, baby. Like this,” she began rocking Emma in her arms, letting go of Emma’s hand to run her fingers through her blonde locks. “Just like this,” she whispered as she bent down to place a kiss on Emma’s forehead, rocking them slowly and steadily. She hummed a tune as she kept stroking Emma’s hair, letting Emma’s suckling calm down, turn lazy and gentle. She could feel little puffs of breath land on her flesh as Emma exhaled through her nose, tiny whimpers were escaping her throat and sending the vibrations to Regina’s nipple, sending a pleasant shiver down her spine. She and Emma had already had a connection; some spark that had been there from the moment they laid eyes on one another. Nursing Emma felt like putting a seal on that connection, wrapping it in a perfect bow for each of them to hold.

As Regina rocked her, she felt Emma’s suckling become fewer and fewer. She was waiting for the moment that Emma would realize she was falling asleep and try to ward it off, but it simply didn’t come. Emma was in too deep, she was too tethered to the safety that Regina had surrounded her in. She kept her eyes closed happily, long and slow strokes of her mouth pulling Regina’s nipple. Between the rocking and the tune Regina hummed, Emma was sleeping peacefully by the stroke of twelve.

***

Emma woke to the morning light bleeding through the windows, and found that she was still wrapped in Regina’s arms. Surprised, she opened her eyes fully, and realized that they both had shifted numerous times, and she was now laying on her side, draped over the other woman, whose bare top showed bronze skin glowing from the sunrise coming in. Looking up, she saw Regina already smiling down at her, a tablet propped in her hands but being ignored as Emma woke. She gave Emma that smile that was assigned only for her, and whispered, “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

Emma rubbed one eye with her fist. “Really good.” That, of course, was a surprise to her. But at the same time, her memory came back, and it sunk in that there was no way in hell she could have slept any different with the way Regina had made her feel so safe. She felt herself blushing, and just after, a gentle hand caressed her cheek.

“Hey,” that soft voice that was her second favorite next to the one that whispered seductively in her ear called her back. “You okay?”

A smile immediately spread over Emma’s face. The way the evening had gone, she would have thought there was no way in hell that anything could have made it end on a high note. But Regina had sunk that theory completely. The woman was magic, no doubts about it. “I am. I um…last night.” She wasn’t sure what she was going to say until she looked into Regina’s eyes, and then her smile returned. “Thank you.”

She felt a kiss being planted on the top of her head, and it prompted her to lay her head back down against Regina’s chest. She traced patterns lightly on Regina’s skin with the tip of a finger and just enjoyed the warmth coming through the windows. “Whatcha doin?”

Regina brought a hand down to rub Emma’s arm, and she heard Regina say, “I’m just looking a few things up. I’d like to ask you something.”

Emma lifted her upper body up to look at Regina questioningly. “What?” She felt slight anxiety at the unknown question. They had a lot to talk about, but Emma wasn’t sure if she wanted to do that right now. She didn’t want to break the serenity of their bed.

“I spoke with my sister last night. She’s a psychiatrist. She has an old mentor here in Boston that she trusts. I think, if you’re open, maybe it’d be a good idea to talk about what happened and try and find some answers.” Emma realized she must have made a face, because Regina was quick to add, “You don’t have to. By any means. However, if you would like to talk about it, he might be willing. It’s up to you, darling.”

Emma thought about the offer. If she were to talk to anybody, she’d want it to be someone she trusted, and although she didn’t know Zelena, she trusted Regina implicitly. At the same time, whatever it was that was happening to her, it was frightening. She was so used to pushing scary things down until they disappeared; this issue should be no different. Right? But that was the question that remained: could she ignore this, could she avoid it? It would have been easier to pretend nothing had happened if it hadn’t happened right in front of every one of her closest friends. But now that they were all involved, she knew deep down that her old habits simply weren’t an option.

Furthermore, she had to admit that she was scared to leave it as well. Whatever had happened to her last night was out of her control. And Emma did not like being out of control. Not one bit. She was getting used to submitting some control to Regina, but that was different. That was safe. Whatever this was…it was a loose cannon, and it didn’t care about her safety.

Finally, she looked to her lover, her caregiver, and the person she trusted to do what was right. “What do you think I should do?”

True to what Emma knew of her, Regina brought her hand to Emma’s arm and squeezed assuredly. “I think you should do what feels right. I will not force you to do anything. However, if you are asking my opinion, I would feel much better if you would talk to someone. I don’t think what happened last night is something you should ignore. We don’t know what set it off yet, and we don’t know what the underlining issues are. Those questions left unanswered gives whatever happened last night a lot of power. If it happens again, and nobody is around who can keep you safe…I won’t lie, that’s a concern for me.”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

Regina smiled, “I think that’s probably the best reason of all to maybe talk to someone who knows more about it. It doesn’t have to be anyone my sister recommends. But anyone to guide you through all of that is probably better than going at it alone.”

Emma nodded, and took in a deep breath. Looking into Regina’s eyes, she saw the genuine concern, and she wanted to change that. She wanted to dry Mary Margaret’s tears and go back in time and answer Ruby when she’d tried to talk to her and tell her she was okay. She wanted to hold herself up so Regina didn’t always have to catch her when she fell. She didn’t want August to have to babysit her just to do her job. And it was those considerations that made up her mind for her. She would have gone with her old habits just to placate herself, but when it came to her loved ones, she had higher standards. She wanted them happy. She didn’t want them to worry.

“Okay,” she said, leaning in to kiss Regina softly, and the huge grin that broke out on her lover’s face made the dive that she just took so worthwhile. “But…” The grin faded, and Regina’s eyebrows shot up. “I also think I need to get to work. August has a cop friend working on that number. I’m going to talk to him today, I think. Try and get it fast tracked. I think me being proactive about what is going on will help me.”

Regina’s smile came back slightly, but worry was etched on her face. “You sure you’re ready to go back to work?”

“Yes. I need to figure this out. If you think talking to someone will help, then I’ll trust you that you’re right. But trust me that trying to put my own pieces together is going to help me too.”

“I’ll be with you every step of the way, Emma. I won’t let you go through this alone.”

The words hit Emma through the chest, and she felt the next breath she took turn heavy with effort. Eyes smarting, she took one of Regina’s hands in her own. “You are so amazing. What the hell did I ever do to deserve you?”

Regina laughed at that, truly amused, and that made Emma’s chest lighten significantly. She loved making Regina laugh. “As always, never giving yourself enough credit. My little charmer,” Regina snickered as she went in for another kiss.

She and Regina took their time that morning getting ready and having breakfast together, before parting ways for the day. That heartbreaking look came over Regina’s face while she was getting ready to leave; the one that said she hated Emma leaving her side, but knew that was exactly what needed to happen and was trying to suppress it. These were the moments that Emma was more than happy to turn the tables and comfort Regina. Pulling her into a hug at the door, she whispered, “How about a date tonight? Hm?”

The effect she wanted happened. Regina’s face brightened up slightly, and she bit her bottom lip. Emma would kill for that look. “Really? Thursday date night?”

Emma shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

Regina’s grip on Emma tightened, and her teeth came down harder on her lip. “I’ll make you dinner.”

Emma cocked her eyebrow. “You always make me dinner. I’m starting to feel bad.”

Regina threw her head back and laughed at that, making Emma’s heart soar. Her effort to try and relax Regina was working, and that felt better than she cared to admit. “You know I love cooking. But I especially love cooking for you.”

“It’s a date then.”

Their kiss goodbye brought back a fraction of that worry on Regina’s face, but Emma had no choice but to let it go as she went to her bug to drive away. She had a lot of work to do, and regardless of how disorienting the previous night had been, she really needed to find some answers. However, she couldn’t lie to herself and say that it was only for Regina’s sake that she was planning on coming back for the evening. She wasn’t sure if being alone in her bedroom at night was the best idea right now. She didn’t feel right. Something was certainly off, and although she couldn’t pinpoint what, she could feel it knocking very closely. The idea of that door opening without Regina around…well, that really scared her. And that was her biggest motivator. She had to find answers. She couldn’t just walk around with all of these questions…and that door peeking open in her head over and over.

She met August outside of the sheriff’s station, and his usual smug grin was nowhere to be seen. “Hey. You sounded strange on the phone. Everything okay?”

Emma nodded automatically, but found herself weary to talk. Did she tell August everything, or did she just give him the information he needed to know? In the end, she figured if she didn’t tell him, somebody else would, and she gave him a rundown of her experience the evening before.

“Damn, kid,” he whistled. “You have to go all Alfred Hitchcock on me?”

She punched him in the arm. “Shut up! I’m being serious, dipshit.” But she laughed, finding a strange relief in the banter. Leave it to August to be the one who could bring light to the situation.

“So, what are we doing here?” he looked up at the sheriff building.

“That friend you have here. I’d like to talk to him.”

“’Bout what?”

“I’ve got a hunch,” she said as she ascended the steps to the station.

“Oh, Jesus,” she heard August groan behind her. “I _hate_ your hunches. Every time you get a hunch one of us ends up on a sleepless night or at an abandoned building or with a concussion. Remember that time I almost lost a pinky finger because of that guy Barnes? All because of one of your ‘hunches’!”

“I’m still counting ten fingers,” Emma replied brazenly as August followed her through the building doors.

In the station, she let August take over calling down his friend. A baby-faced detective with a mop of hair falling in his eyes approached and shook August’s hand chummily. “Emma, meet Detective Humbert.”

“Just Graham,” he said with a soft Irish accent, holding his hand out for Emma to take. His shake was firm despite his demeanor. “How’s about the two of you come to my office? I’ve got a few minutes anyway.”

Graham’s “office” was actually a cubicle, and he pulled up two extra chairs to sit them down. “Before you ask, I haven’t been able to get anything off of that number. I know what store it was purchased at, but that doesn’t help you much. Whoever it was paid with cash, no name given. What can I do for you two?”

August made a gesture towards Emma to say that this was her show, and she took the reins. “Can you get into juvenile records?” she asked.

She saw August’s head spin to glare at her out of the corner of her eye, and the brows on Detective Humber’s face furrowed. “Juvenile records? I can look up names, but I’d need consent from the parents to even request them.”

“The juvenile is an adult now.”

Graham leaned forward. “Whose records am I pulling?”

Emma paused before answering. “Mine.”

***

 

“Emma. Hey!” August grabbed her arm as they went down the stairs of the main building, but she pulled free. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What? They’re my records. Don’t I have the right to them?”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” August’s eyes were lit up like when they were hot on somebody’s tail, but he rarely ever gave her that look. “Why do you need your records?”

At first Emma didn’t answer him. She looked away, slowing her breathing so that this interaction didn’t turn into a screaming match on the grounds of the station. “August, that vision I had last night. I don’t know where it was or who else was there. But there’s one thing I am sure of: I was a kid. I could feel it. I was sitting on the floor of a little dark room or a closet or something. I’m not sure. The only thing I’m sure of is that I felt like a scared little kid.” She pointed back to the station. “I don’t know if Graham’s going to be able to find anything to help me out, but it’s worth a shot.”

“Anything?” August was looking so incredulously at her, that she had to smile to herself, because he was literally mirroring the feelings she was having at that moment. She knew this was a crazy long-shot, but she had to check. “What the hell does that even mean?”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you!” she had finally let her temper get the better of her, and was matching his tone, their voices carrying up and down the steps of the station. “I have black holes, August. Patches from being a kid where I literally don’t remember anything. Anything! Can you explain that?”

He was bouncing up and down slightly on the balls of his feet, clearly trying to let out some frustration, but her words made him eat the desire to match her yelling, and he calmly answered. “No. I can’t. And I can’t imagine what that feels like. But what makes you think that pulling up a juvi record is going to get you what you want? Graham only has access to criminal information, Swan. So unless you have a record, there’s probably nothing to pull up.”

Emma’s shoulder slumped when she realized he was right. She had a few runaways on her juvi record, but other than that, Emma couldn’t think of anything criminal from her past. However, that was sort of the point: she couldn’t remember. What if there was something? “I just need him to check my name. What if it pops up somewhere? Somewhere we aren’t expecting. You know how my hunches are. They usually lead us to really shitty situations, granted, but have they ever steered us wrong? What if there’s a hit?”

“And you’re hoping it’s a hit that explains everything?”

Emma shrugged. “Maybe not everything. I don’t know, exactly.”

August stayed quiet for a long time, looking out at the grounds of the station. “Alright, kid. Let’s see if anything pops up. In the meantime, let’s say you and I go and actually make some money today. Yeah?”

Emma rolled her eyes, but was grateful that August was finally backing down. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

As they walked down the steps, August nudged her shoulder. “Good. Because I was about to tattle on you to Regina if you didn’t get your act straight.”

Exaggerating a groan, Emma stomped towards her car. “How is it that suddenly I have a whole group of parents telling me how to behave?”

But the knowing grin on August’s face got her own to let loose, and the two of them laughed. “You can deny it all you want. But let’s face it, kid: you like it.”

***

Emma was surprised by the dimmed lights and the music that greeted her as she entered Regina’s apartment. All things considered, it had been a pretty successful day. She and August had managed to procure three cases, and though their morning had started out rough, they were back to their old banter by lunch. A big part of her felt like the previous evening had happened so long ago. She couldn’t deny that it was a pestering thought, but she was glad that she had listened to her gut and had been proactive throughout the day; it gave her a sense of control.

Now walking into Regina’s apartment-her girlfriend’s apartment-and smelling what could only be described as the most amazing bread and cheeses she had ever had the privilege of smelling, it was hard to think that her life could be any better than it was in that moment. That was, until she saw Regina come around the corner of the kitchen and give her that bright smile. She stood corrected. _This_ moment was perfection.

“Hey,” she smiled back, sluffing off her jacket and fixing it on the coat hanger as she approached Regina, who grabbed her in a tight hug. She felt Regina breath her scent in, and wondered how she could smell anything over the incredible aroma coming from the oven. She chuckled a little bit, and leaned in to kiss Regina’s hair. “Miss me?”

Regina pulled away, and the look on her face told Emma it had been a little more than missing her. She knew Regina was worried about her, so she gave her the strongest smile she could muster, and the two went in for a kiss at the same time. “More than you can imagine,” Regina winked at her.

“What is that?” she asked as she followed Regina into the kitchen. “It smells amazing.”

“I,” she heard the tone in Regina’s voice tick up, a sure sign that she was relaxing into the evening as she now had Emma home safe. A small pang of guilt hit Emma at that. She adored that Regina looked after her, had never felt safer, in fact. But that didn’t mean that she wanted Regina to actually worry herself sick throughout the day about her. “am making Margherita pizza.”

Emma audibly groaned in pleasure. “And knowing you, you have the perfect wine to pair with it?”

Regina read her mind, as she spun back around with two glasses in her hand carrying a purplish-red liquid that smelled just as amazing as the pizza. “You know me too well.” They clinked their glasses, and after Emma took a long sip, she made a bold move, and grabbed the belt around Regina’s beautifully fitting grey dress, pulling her in. A tiny squeal escaped Regina’s lips, but it was soon morphed into a moan of pleasure by Emma’s pressing against them.

However, Regina quickly came back to herself, and gently pushed away. Emma conceded, and took another small sip.

They managed to forgo any conversation about the previous evening, and talked about their work day during dinner. None of which was too hard as Emma barely talked as she ate the most amazing pizza she had ever tasted. She wanted to tear up at the very idea that somehow, she had managed to find the world’s best cook, lover, girlfriend, and caregiver who wanted her just as much. Regina must have read something on Emma’s face, because she cocked an eyebrow at Emma during dishes and nudged her hip. “What?”

Emma only responded by grabbing Regina around the waist, bringing her in for a smoldering kiss that left them both breathless. When Regina finally did pull away, she was actually giggling, which just set Emma’s heart on fire more. “What’s that for?” she asked through her giggles.

“What _isn’t_ it for?” Emma responded. “You’re so incredible. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Regina’s cheeks reddened, which just sent another flash through Emma’s body. She rarely got to see Regina shy, so when it happened, it completely drove her wild. It gave her the strength she needed to grab Regina’s legs and hoist her up on the counter, which earned her a delighted shriek.

“Since when did you lift me up, Little One?” Regina chided playfully, but there was no fight in her words.

Emma brought her face up towards Regina’s and smiled. “Since I kinda felt like making out with you,” she answered as she dove in for a kiss. But she learned quickly that no matter how hard she tried in her bolder moments, Regina wasn’t going to submit to her. She was too distracted by the feeling of Regina’s mouth hot against her own to realize that they were shifting, and by the time she figured it out, Regina was off the counter and had Emma’s hands pressed up against the top cupboards. Pinned there, Emma grinned as she shook her head. “Should’ve seen that coming.”

Regina chuckled that sultry way that drove Emma crazy as she winked. “Absolutely,” she bit the air just near Emma’s lips playfully, and then released her hold on Emma’s wrists. “However,” she mused as she raked her fingers down Emma’s chest, pausing at the button of her jeans and catching her breath before she continued. “I wouldn’t be opposed to finishing this somewhere a little more comfortable.”

Emma raised an eyebrow and smirked, trying to keep her breathing even, and knowing she was failing. “Lead the way,” she said, and Regina wasted no time taking her hand and leading them into the bedroom. Emma gave a surprised yelp as Regina nearly pushed her on the bed and fell on top of her, leaving her a mess of giggles. But Regina didn’t miss a beat. Her hands were lifting Emma’s shirt, and Emma shifted so that it could be pulled off with more ease.

Before Regina had a chance to continue with Emma’s jeans, Emma was leaning forward to press her palms against the back of Regina’s thighs, rubbing all the way up until they were gripping her ass firmly, feeling silk underwear underneath. She groaned, and couldn’t help but grab the hem of them to pull down. It earned her a throaty laugh, and she felt her hands being pried away and lifted above her head. She took the moment to catch her breath, and realized that Regina was staring down at her, eyes nearly black, that incredible seductive smirk on the corner of her lips. “Someone’s eager,” she husked.

Emma tried to answer, but at the same moment, she felt a knee press into her core, and a long, low moan escaped her throat instead. She curled into the feeling, realizing too late how much power the simple gesture had over her. It made Regina chuckle again, which somehow made it worthwhile. Regina’s hands were pressed firmly into her own, but she could feel Regina caressing them, and marveled how she could manage to be both so dominating and reassuring at the same time. As soon as Regina loosened her hold on them, however, she went back to where her hands previously were, and nearly ripped the dress that Regina was wearing off.

She was going to give Regina a victorious smirk when the dress hit the floor, but she didn’t have time. “Hm,” a sultry pondering in her ear, and Emma squealed as she felt herself flipped over, Regina now straddling her legs. Her mind spun as she tried to figure out how quickly her lover had managed to do it, but lost the train of thought as she felt a sharp sting on her bottom. The noise it got out of her set her face on fire, and she was glad that she was now turned away, so that Regina couldn’t see the embarrassing arousal on her face. Just then, a whisper came right into her ear. “Color?”

“Green,” she whimpered out. So unbelievably green. And she gaped at the absoluteness of her answer that two months ago would have probably been completely different. But she simply couldn’t go there with Regina; she couldn’t bring herself to feel even slightly threatened. She knew this woman too well. She knew that the one thing Regina wanted more than anything was to see Emma content and peaceful in her arms, and would give up everything else just to have it.

“What a good girl Mommy has,” Regina kissed Emma’s neck, and then brought her teeth out to the flesh, playfully nipping. “However,” opposite from before, Regina turned Emma back over slowly, and Emma found herself face to face with her girlfriend clad only in that silk underwear. “I’ll have to find some way of punishing you for that little infraction, won’t I?” She sat up, now straddling Emma’s still-clothed waist, and Emma moaned when Regina ground against her once.

“A spanking wasn’t enough?”

Regina threw her head back and laughed, her hands smoothing over her own abdomen. “Oh Emma. That wasn’t a spanking. That was a warning tap.” She lowered herself down to Emma’s side once again, and murmured in her ear, “I won’t spank you until we have a nice, long talk about it. But right now, I don’t feel like talking. Do you?”

“No,” Emma found her tongue immediately answering.

Regina sat back up, continuing the mantra of her hands caressing all over her body. But as Emma tried to sit up for her hands to take their place, Regina lowered her back down. “No no, baby.” The words sent a strong tingle through Emma’s core. “Your punishment will be to watch me.”

Emma’s eyes widened in horror as she saw Regina’s hand slip into her own panties, and her mouth went dry as Regina’s head tilted back, revealing her long olive-toned neck. She felt a flush of warmth, and realized that she her own panties were so soaked that it was getting uncomfortable. She rose her hips up to try and find friction, but Regina rose too, and Emma heard a moan of pleasure escape Regina’s lips, followed by the wet sounds of Regina’s fingers massaging her clit.

“R’gina,” Emma whimpered, trying to put her own hand down her pants, but the tightness of her jeans and Regina’s straddling her made it impossible. She squirmed, unable to ignore the ache in between her legs. “Mama!” she finally called out, hoping to play at Regina’s heartstrings.

But Regina’s fingers were moving fast over her clit now, soft pants escaping her lips as she touched herself. Her hips finally started grinding down, and like a reflex, Emma’s hands went to Regina’s legs to set a pace as she rolled her own hips into the rhythm.

Regina immediately stopped, taking her hand out of her panties and grabbing at Emma’s to fix them back over her head. Emma felt the one hand wet and sticky with Regina’s arousal, and she intertwined her fingers into it. That and the pitiful whimper that came out of her mouth earned her a pitying expression from the woman on top of her. “Aw, baby,” Regina cooed with a playfully pouting lip. “What’s the matter? You don’t like your punishment?”

Emma shook her head fiercely, and motioned down with her head. “Hurts, Mama.”

The look on Regina’s face shifted swiftly, and she let go of Emma’s hands to cup her cheek, her eyes coming back to her. “What hurts, Emma?”

Emma gulped, realizing too late that she probably should have chosen better words that wouldn’t have worried Regina, but also didn’t want to say out loud what actually hurt. She didn’t know if she had ever ached so fiercely. So she went with that. “Mama. It aches.”

“What does, Emma?” Regina must have seen the flicker of play in Emma’s eyes, because her face started to shift again, she took her hand down and gently rubbed Emma’s tummy.

Immediately, Emma felt two things at once. She felt the soothing of the gesture, and also her ache somehow grow more severe. Pathetically grinding up, she was rewarded when Regina did not back away from the advance.

“Does your tummy ache?” That playful pouting lip again. That bantering Mama voice. Emma shook her head. “Hm,” Regina pondered out loud, her hand finally starting to trail further down, and Emma couldn’t help it: she raised her hips into the touch and whined loudly. “Do you ache here, baby?” she cupped Emma’s sex and ground her palm down with the perfect amount of pressure. Emma nearly came from the touch, crying out softly, her cheeks lit aflame. “Have you learned your lesson, then?”

“Yes!” Emma cried, honestly completely forgetting what the lesson was. It didn’t matter anyway. In that moment, she would have done just about anything to get Regina to touch her there.

Regina answered by unbuttoning Emma’s pants, and pulling down both Emma’s jeans and panties. When she finally had her fingers on Emma, she let out her own involuntary moan that had Emma’s tummy fluttering. “Oh Emma,” she murmured against Emma’s ear, using her other hand to smooth down a blonde lock. “You’re so wet, baby.”

Emma couldn’t take it anymore. She grabbed onto Regina’s thighs and sat them both up, Regina now sitting in her lap, and locked their lips together. This time, Regina gave in, hugging Emma’s neck with her free arm while the other hand smoothed over Emma’s slit, gathering the wetness there in her fingers. Emma could see in her eyes that the play was over. That Regina was so fueled by arousal, she was ready to give in to Emma’s desire. So Emma tilted her back and laid her down, fingers hooking over the last piece of clothing between them, pulling the panties down Regina’s legs and pressing their bodies flush against each other. They shared a long kiss, and Emma’s core let loose more arousal as a moan vibrated against her lips. She took the hand that had been inside Regina’s panties and licked over the fingers that were coated with both Regina’s and her own arousal before guiding Regina’s hand to her own opening.

Regina didn’t miss a beat. Her fingers massaged over Emma’s folds, fingers teasing the opening, as Emma found her way to Regina’s slit. She rested her head on Regina’s shoulders as she finally felt the hot wetness there, panting before she had even begun, she whimpered against Regina’s ear. It didn’t actually make a word, but it sounded as close to saying Regina’s name as she could muster in that moment, and Regina answered by cupping her cheek and making their eyes meet. The tiniest of smiles ghosted Regina’s face as she plunged into Emma’s opening, and Emma melted against it, her back arching.

As she felt soft fingers caressing her inner walls, she pressed into Regina, letting out a breath at the relief of finally being wrapped in her hot walls. Nothing felt like Regina. It took every ounce of energy to exit her even when she knew she would be pressing right back in. But she did so, slowly, tentatively at first, until she realized that both she and Regina were far too gone in their desire to be playing a game of leisure right now. Her own hips were pumping down to meet Regina’s fingers with purpose, the build up was already well on its way, and judging by the actions of her partner, Regina was right behind her. They shared a knowing smile before Regina put her free hand behind Emma’s head and brought her to her chest possessively. Emma found her mouth against the crevice in between Regina’s breasts, and licked the skin as a particularly wonderful pressure point was pushed deep inside her, and she nearly lost her grounding.

“That’s it, my love,” Regina panted, and Emma felt the words rumbling through her chest.

Emma found herself a slave to the pressure on that spot, sinking further into Regina, fighting with all her might to keep her own steady pace inside the quickly closing walls around her fingers. Regina was close. Her voice told her that, her breathing against her ear told her that, the tightness of her pussy told her that. And she was joining her, suddenly realizing that she was chasing an orgasm that she was quickly gaining on, and the buildup was intense.

“That’s it,” Regina kept reciting. “Emma…” It was like a chant that she felt through her whole body. It enveloped her, took hold of her.

Before she realized it, she had frozen in place, her back arched, her toes curling, her mouth coming up for air from Regina’s skin. She felt Regina being forced out of her by her own walls, and simultaneously, felt her own fingers clamped down on so tightly, she couldn’t move them anymore. She wouldn’t have been able to if she had wanted to anyway. She was stuck in her bliss, her body gave one long shutter, and then she tumbled into her orgasm, cries escaping her lips as she felt a gush of hot liquid coat her now released hand. Regina was joining her, holding her tightly as they fell down together, both breathing each other’s names. Emma took a gulp of air as the next wave hit her, and she realized that both of their hands had left the scene, and they were rocking into each other’s mounds with abandon as they clung to one another.

Slowly, feeling came back to her toes and traveled throughout her body. She collapsed against Regina, spent. Both of their chests were rising and falling with great effort still, but Regina was much more in control as she held Emma, petting her hair and kissing her temple softly. “That’s my girl,” she whispered, and Emma trembled. “That’s my good girl.”

Emma only minutely registered the decision she made, but it was more instinctual than she thought possible. Her head had turned ever so slightly, body slipping to be beside Regina, her shoulder tucked under Regina’s arm as she captured Regina’s nipple in her mouth.

She felt a hand immediately comb through her hair, the other arm coming down to cradle her body against Regina’s. The voice that had been praising her moments ago sounded off in a continuous mantra of soft melodies, only pausing to press lips to her forehead.

Emma turned into the warm body that encircled her as she rested a hand on the swollen breast she was attached to. She was at a loss for words to describe the quietude that surrounded her while nursing from Regina. When they had first met, Emma had toggled back and forth with worry about how exposed submitting to Regina like this left her. But now that she was in the thick of it, she realized it was the exact opposite; Regina was just as exposed, giving herself to Emma like this, trusting that Emma would except, no, crave it. She was believing in the safety she could provide for Emma, just as much as Emma was.

If she was thinking at all, it was of the melodic rhythm of her suckling combined with Regina’s quiet singing that carried her down, until the only real thought she had was when she looked up to Regina’s tired and satisfied brown eyes was _Mama_ … not like the ones who had made her call them that or variations of it, but of the beautiful woman who had earned it through action and trust. And she was more than that too. She was, as Emma was becoming to realize, everything she needed her to be.

She felt her head rising and falling with Regina’s breath as she nursed, and the safety of if made her hum against Regina’s flesh. It wasn’t until Regina started to say something that she realized she was completely off in her own little world, despite looking Regina right in the eye. She tried to focus one more time so that she could listen to what Regina was saying to her. “Close your eyes, darling.” Regina wanted her to sleep. But she was so happy. Why ruin it? She knew she was tired, but if she fell asleep, her mama would disappear. She didn’t like that idea at all. She must have shown it, because she felt Regina’s hand come to pat her bottom soothingly… _no fair…cheating…_

“Sshh…time to sleep, my little fighter.”

Emma liked it when Mama called her that. She didn’t know why. Probably because it was just theirs. However, it did the trick. She couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer, even though she wanted to. Mama was just too good. She just knew how to get her way.

And so she fell into it, eyes shutting finally for the night.

***

_The baby was crying again. But she couldn’t see him. Couldn’t see anything. It was so dark._

_Only the sliver of the door opening; she hadn’t had time to close it all the way. But if she stayed super super quiet…_

_“Find that fucking kid!”_

_When it opened, it was like a flashlight being flickered into her eyes. She closed them tight, hands going up to shield them as she tried to adjust to the light._

_When she finally could open them, he was there. His face right in hers. Big, yellow eyes and matching teeth as he smiled that terrible smile. His face creasing into the grin, the green flesh shining._

_“Ah…” he sneered. “Swan.”_

_And she screamed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize if this chapter isn’t as edited as you’re used to, because I have been so sick that I’ve spent the last four days watching The Incredibles on loop while nibbling dry cheerios and drinking Pedialyte. I haven’t been that sick for years, so it was seriously a challenge just go get this written. I’d like to update Wednesday, but this flu has put me so far behind in my writing that I can’t guarantee it, because I have to catch up on that pesky career thing since I was out as well. I’m feeling better, so hopefully that continues. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all had a great holiday if you celebrate it. I spent mine in bed. I tried to make this chapter a little longer and give you a bit of everything to make up for that mean cliffhanger. Sorry to those of you who were dying throughout the week. I loved all your comments. They made me smile when I couldn’t get out of bed. And again, sorry if this chapter seemed off. I pulled it out of insanity from a 102 fever. Yup, that's my excuse. Sticking to it. 
> 
> See you very soon! If not Wednesday, then Sunday for sure.


	13. Green

Regina was jarred awake, but only had the slightest moment of disorientation before the noise brought her mind to reality. Emma was thrashing about beside her, emanating the most animalist howls as the blankets twisted around. Like a reflex, Regina flipped on her bedside lamp, and dove to Emma’s side, catching her body against the mattress to try and still her. The moment her hands touched, she felt the fire all over Emma’s skin, and realized that Emma was wet all over. The sheets around her were drenched.

Far from panicking, something snapped in Regina. The anxiety that had been building the last couple of days from hoping she could be what Emma needed her to be vanished, and like an instinct, affirmation took its place: the belief that she knew how to do this. After seeing the effect taking charge had on Emma, she knew that if she just kept her head and didn’t let the fear overtake her, she could calm the situation. “Emma,” her voice was steady, gentle but commanding. However, it couldn’t pierce the sounds ripping from Emma’s throat. She grabbed at Emma until she was dragged all the way into her lap, bringing Emma’s head into the crook of her own neck. The body against her was drenched in cold sweat and shaking violently, but her naked body against Regina’s felt like it was on fire. Regina cradled Emma’s head with a firm hand, ignoring the thrashing. “Emma,” she said again, louder though never losing her steadiness. “Come back to me,” she commanded gently. “Come on.”

A gasp followed by nonsensical clutching of hands all around her, just trying desperately to find purchase. When they seemed to realize the shape of Regina’s naked body, they clung to whatever curve they could find, and she heard Emma’s unconscious howling turn to wakeful sobs.

“That’s it,” Regina ran a hand through a long sweaty lock of hair, tugging Emma closer to her as she felt the body curl into her lap with desperation. “There we go. Come on, sweetheart. Come back to me.” She felt Emma’s ribs shutter as she tried to gulp air, and she brought a protective arm firmly around Emma’s middle. “Come on, darling,” she coaxed. “Breathe. I’m right here.”

A wheezing sound escaped Emma’s lips, and she choked out Regina’s name once, still clawing her way further into the arms that held her. Regina responded by squeezing her firmly, letting Emma know that she wasn’t going anywhere, that the arms around her were safe.

Regina waited patiently as Emma’s breathing began to steady. She tilted them ever so slightly back and forth in a gentle rock until the wheezing and the labor stopped, until all that was left was a trembling heap in her arms. “Oh god…” Emma’s voice sounded much more like herself as Regina felt her retreat slightly from the embrace. “Regina…did I…?”

Regina recognized the horror as Emma looked around them, and quickly registering Emma’s concern, she shook her head and rubbed up and down Emma’s arm. “No, love. It’s sweat.” She couldn’t believe she had the compacity to be amused, but the idea that Emma would actually think that something as involuntary as wetting the bed could be so horrifying was endearing for some strange reason.

“Are you…sure?” the anxiety was building up.

“Emma,” Regina put her fingers under that wobbly chin and looked at her sternly. “You’re alright.” She wanted to scold herself for thinking in that moment that Emma looked so beautiful, but she couldn’t help it. The wobbling double-chin, those great big green eyes looking to her for comfort. It softened her, and she kissed Emma’s temple. “I’m right here, baby.”

Emma’s eyes shifted as the worry left her, and the horror from whatever nightmare she had been having flashed across her face. “R’gina…he was there.”

The voice being used had risen to sounding like Little Emma. Only this Little Emma voice was twisted into something more heart wrenching than Regina thought possible: terrified, lost, hopeless. An immediate lumped ached in Regina’s throat as she pressed Emma to her. “He who?”

“The door…he opened it. He found me.” Regina could practically hear the fat tears escaping Emma’s eyes, dropping down on bare flesh already drenched with sweat.

“Who?”

Another tremble, traveling all throughout the body pressed against hers, and Regina felt it too, like ice overtaking her spine at the next words.

“The green man.”

***

She was sure that the hard click of her heals on the floor were echoing throughout the entire building, turning heads that were firmly pressed into paperwork from their offices, but she paid them no mind. When she reached the door, she didn’t bother knocking, just flung it open and stepped inside, slamming it behind her and finding a very taken aback Robert Gold sitting as his desk. But the moment he realized who it was, she saw him pointedly shake off the surprise and look back down at his paperwork. “Good morning, Counselor,” he said as he removed his glasses. “Nice of you to stop by. Though I’d appreciate it if you’d knock next time.”

“Cut the shit, Gold,” Regina snarled, and she felt a splash of satisfaction at his expression as he sat back in his chair.

“I beg your pardon?”

“How do you know Emma Swan?”

Gold didn’t answer at first, looking up at her with squinted eyes and a gaping mouth that tucked into an amused smile. It made her head split open in fumes. “I think the bigger question is, how do _you_ know Emma Swan?”

“I’m asking the questions here, got it?” Regina was clutching her briefcase so hard in her hand that she felt her nails dig into her palm. “You and I both know you saw us together on Halloween.”

“Oh,” he gave an amused scoff. “Is she the little treasure that made the queen retired her crown? Rumors are abound, counselor. Word is, you’re in love.”

“What did you say to her?” Regina was practically foaming now, it was all she could do to not reach over the desk and rip that ridiculous smirk off of Gold’s face. “I know you have something to do with this.”

However, his smile didn’t falter as he rose up from his seat and started to come around the desk. She didn’t back away, but didn’t need to. He simply rested his back side against the edge of the furniture and crossed his arms over his chest. “I assume you’re referring to the little scene that happened in the club? That was quite unfortunate. Poor girl.”

Regina felt the tenor in her voice turn dangerous, low and feral. “I’m going to figure this out, Gold. I’m going to make you regret the day you ever made a single phone call or said a single word to her.”

“Are you?” the amused smirk didn’t change as he re-crossed his feet, and she realized that he was either copping without copping to the theory that he just may have something to do with all of this or simply toying with her because he enjoyed seeing her angry.

“I am.”

“You know,” Gold said conversationally as he turned to go back around his desk and sit down. “You look a little tired, Mills. Talking nonsense. Perhaps you should go home and get some rest.”

Finished with his smug approach, Regina turned on her heal and opened the door. But before she walked through, she glanced back at him with a menacing grin. “Speaking of which,” she called pleasantly. “It turns out that counselor Adams who was assigned to your brother’s case is unfortunately very overloaded right now. She’s an old law school buddy. We chatted this morning, and I volunteered to take some weight off her shoulders.”

Just as she thought, that got Gold’s attention, and for the first time, she heard tension in his voice. “Meaning?”

She didn’t even try to hide the satisfied smile. “Meaning you’re looking at your little brother’s new prosecutor. Remind me, how did the last time we went toe to toe together in court go for you?”

Silence for a moment, before: “I’m sure I don’t remember.” This was a lie. It was a rare day that Regina lost against Gold in chambers. In fact, for the past year and half, she was 0 for 8. “However, it’s a good thing you could help Adams out seeing as how you clearly have some time on your hands. Good day, Counselor.”

But Regina didn’t let him have the last word. Leaning in slowly, she growled. “Stay away from Emma Swan, Gold. Or I promise you you’ll regret it.” Her heals clicked purposefully as she slammed the door behind her, mind reeling. She had work to do. First, she needed to get that file from Adams. Peter Gold’s case was only a week away.

***

Emma rung her hands over and over until they were practically raw. She hated doctor’s offices. She hated the waiting rooms with their staged magazines and uncomfortable chairs, and the people sitting around acting like they all didn’t see each other. She hated hearing the front desk nurse answer the phone and take appointments for the next sucker’s doom. It didn’t matter that this was not a medical doctor; they all felt the same.

“Emma Swan?” Emma’s eyes rose to said front desk nurse in question. “Doctor Hopper will see you now.”

“Great,” Emma mumbled under her breath, and got up. She wanted to try and be grateful: the fact that Zelena’s old mentor had taken the time to get her in on such a short notice was really sweet, and she promised Regina she would give this a try. And she had meant it. But being there now…it had been a long, long time since Emma had been anywhere near a psychiatrist’s office, and she simply hadn’t been anticipating feeling like a cornered animal.

When she walked into the room, she was greeted by a middle-aged man with the most unassuming and kind face she had ever seen, thick glasses and receding red hair adding to the boy-next-door-charm, and that settled her slightly.

Slightly.

“Emma,” he gave her a pleasant smile, and held out his hand. “Very nice to meet you.”

Emma took his hand and returned the smile, despite the rising bile in her throat. “Hi Dr. Hopper.”

“Just Archie,” he waved the formality away. “Come, have a seat.”

Emma looked around the room, adorned in rustic antiques. She found herself ignoring the request, and went around the table behind the thick brown leather couch he had wanted her to sit in, tapping her finger over a glove and making it spin slightly.

Archie Hopper didn’t seem to mind, however. He sat down in a seat opposite the couch, and smile kindly at her. “Zelena mentioned you are dating her sister, Regina. I met her once. Long ago at her sister’s graduation.”

“I haven’t met Zelena yet,” Emma said absently, knowing she was failing to hold decent conversation.

“I know you’re nervous,” Archie stated, and Emma wasn’t sure if he could have said anything else to get her attention. That worked though, and she looked up at him from the globe, her finger absently placed on Boston. “It’s okay. If you’d like, we can just talk. Get to know one another.”

Emma felt her shoulders slump, and she felt guilt overtake her chest at the idea of not coming here to do what she meant to do. Zelena had pulled strings to get her this appointment. A woman she didn’t know had done that for her, all because Regina had wished it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d be this nervous. I haven’t talked to a shrink in a really long time.”

He turned his head to the side a bit, continuing is kind smile. “You wanna tell me a little about that?”

She shrugged, hand moving from the globe to a ship in a bottle, and she couldn’t help but peak inside. “I was probably about ten. I’d been in a new foster home for a while, and I wasn’t transitioning well. They sent me to a shrink.”

“Did it help?”

Emma was about to answer, but caught herself. “I, um…” pulling away from peeking into the bottle, she looked up, surprised. “I can’t…remember.” She stood for a moment, thinking. What the hell had she talked about with that shrink? She remembered sitting there, she remembered this feeling of someone taking a screwdriver to her brain and unraveling her, interrogating her. But what had they unraveled, if anything?

Archie gave a small sigh, and nodded as if he understood. “You mentioned that to my nurse on the phone. That you’re having memory problems.”

Emma had to scoff a bit at that. “Not exactly. I mean, I don’t forget stuff all the time. Not like that. There’s just parts of my childhood that I don’t really remember. I don’t know why.”

Archie shrugged, and his demeanor didn’t give her the impression that he felt that was a big deal. “That’s not uncommon. We don’t have great memories as children to begin with. Typically, it’s just a memory of a memory that we hold onto. However, children are exceptional at forgetting what seem to us as adults to be big events. They live in the moment. It’s harder to hold onto things.”

Emma nodded, but didn’t really have a grasp on what he was talking about. “Yeah, but recently? I’ve been having these dreams. And they feel like memories. Memories from when I was a kid, and I’ve never remembered them before. And then…” she swallowed, and finally came around to the couch and sat down, her hands going back to their ringing from before. “Look, Zelena called you for a reason. Something happened to me Halloween night. And it…” she paused, trying to find the right words. “I think I remembered something. Something from my past. Something really…bad.”

***

Emma lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. In a strange way, she missed the nights where she just did this for hours, looking blankly, not really mulling anything over in her head. It seemed like so long ago. Being here without Regina was certainly something she didn’t miss, but not having so much going through her head: that she truly did. Her session with Archie had ended on a decent note. He had given her a few exercises on how to ground herself when she found that she was “dissociating” as he called it. Emma hadn’t liked the word. It sounded as if she were walking around drunk or something, but when he explained it, it seemed to make perfect sense.

That was all fine and good, but they had ended to session with Archie asking her to decide for their next visit if she would like to try hypnosis.

“Does that kind of thing work?”

“Sure,” he nodded. “If you’re calm enough, and willing. It’s up to you, Emma.”

Up to her…for the first time in her life, she didn’t feel too sure about what type of choice she should make. Going under hypnosis sounded very intriguing, but the way Archie made it sound was that it might open up a floodgate that she may or may not be prepared for. She groaned, closing her eyes. What a nightmare…

Her phone rang, and she was pleased to see that the screen read Regina’s name. “Hi,” she answered.

“Hey,” there was enough noise in the background for Emma to tell that Regina was on the road. “I just left the office. How did it go?”

“Okay,” Emma sighed into the answer. “We came up with a game plan, I guess you could say.”

“That’s good. Did you like him? I mean, was it okay?”

Emma felt a tiny smile tick the side of her mouth. “Yeah, he’s a sweet guy. I’m not gunna lie though. I was more nervous than I thought I’d be. Being back at a shrink’s office, it felt kind of…I don’t know. Put me in a weird spot.”

A pause on the other end where Emma listened to the buzzing of the traffic. “I’m sorry, darling.” Regina’s soft voice soothed her slightly, and she closed her eyes. “If you feel like you aren’t ready to do any of that, it’s really okay.”

“No,” Emma stopped her. “It’s good. I mean, I think I’ll keep going. He’s a really nice guy and all, and I’m really grateful you pulled these strings. Will you thank Zelena for me?”

A little chuckle on the other end made Emma’s heart calm slightly. She really loved hearing Regina’s happiness. “I will. She’d like to meet you.”

Emma found herself giggling then. “I actually can’t wait to meet your sister. I have a feeling we will get along great.”

Regina answered with something, but Emma couldn’t hear it over the shattering sound that rung in her ears. Several things happened at once: Emma dropped her body to the floor instinctually, a car alarm in the distance went off, and shouting from outside of her room echoed through the halls. For a moment, she was disoriented, until she raised herself up and looked around. The glass from her window was sprawled on her bedroom floor, her door burst open, and both Mary Margaret and Ruby ran in to by her side.

“Emma!”

“I’m alright,” Emma got to her feet with the help of her friends, and her hand was grabbed to go into the hallway. Another shattering was heard, and the three of them screamed in surprise. Being in the length of their hallway, it was hard to tell exactly where the sound came from, but Ruby took off towards the front door. “Ruby!” Emma tried to grab for her, but Ruby called back.

“I’m making sure the front door is locked!”

Mary Margaret was grabbing onto Emma’s hand so tightly, she felt the blood drain out of it, and then her eyes widened as she realized that her phone was still on the floor of her bedroom, and more than likely Regina was hearing every bit of the chaos ensuing around them.

Another crash, a bang, and Emma cursed under her breath, pulling Mary Margaret towards the back bathroom. “Where’s your phone?” she demanded, and Mary Margaret pulled it out of her pocket with a shaking hand.

“Call the cops,” she went to leave the bathroom, and Mary Margaret screeched after her. “I’ll be right back. I’m gunna go get Ruby.”

Emma ran down the hall to find Ruby crouched underneath a front window, trying to peek out. “Are you nuts? Get away from the window!” Emma yelled.

“I can’t see anyone,” Ruby whispered.

“No shit, it’s dark.” Emma scolded. “C’mon. Mary Margaret is calling the cops. Let’s get into the bathroom and just wait.”

Hurrying back down the hallway, the three of them piled in and locked the door, huddling together as they waited for the response from 9-11. It seemed to take forever, in which time the three of them ran every possibility through their head. “Did that sound like gunshots, or what?” Ruby mused.

Emma shook her head. “I think maybe just rocks going through the windows?”

“How many did they break?” Mary Margaret’s cheeks were drenched with tears, her tiny frame shaking.

Emma shook her head. “Lost track.”

Once they heard the loud knock and police announce themselves, the girls came out of hiding. Trekking their way through the house, shattered glass sprinkled their floors. The kitchen window, the front foyer window, Emma’s bedroom window that faced the front of the house, and the living room window had all been shattered. After a brisk walk around the grounds, the police found that the windows of their cars had all been broken as well, and Emma groaned at the idea that her poor yellow bug was now filled with glass, not to mention out in the autumn elements of Boston.

She was so busy speaking to police officers, that she had completely forgotten about leaving Regina hanging on the phone until she saw her black Mercedes pull up and screech to a halt just down the street. Emma felt her stomach sink as she saw Regina get out of the car and look around the scene of police cars and battered cars. She hadn’t seen Emma yet, and her face was nearly sheet white as pure panic took over her features.

“Fuck,” Emma breathed out, and started running to the street.

The moment Regina’s eyes found Emma, she nearly collapsed onto the pavement with relief. She screamed out Emma’s name as Emma came to meet her. They grabbed hold of each other, and Emma brought Regina into a hug as a sob escaped Regina’s body. “I’m okay,” she soothed. “Just some vandalism. We’re all fine.”

Regina pulled away as she caught her voice. “I just heard so much banging and screaming. I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”

Emma cupped Regina’s cheek, and made their eyes connect. “I’m okay,” she assured.

Regina finally gave a small smile, and they walked up to the house where police were taking notes and Ruby and Mary Margaret were standing together on the porch. The night was starting to get pretty cold, and their breaths were showing in the air.

“Are you alright?” Regina asked Ruby as they hugged.

Ruby sighed. “I think we’re all fine. We just want to know what the hell happened.”

“Yeah, nobody else’s house or cars looks like they were touched,” Mary Margaret mused, pulling her sweater around herself.

A police officer approached and asked them questions, but unfortunately neither Emma or her roommates had much information to give them, including if they suspected anyone of committing the deed. Emma had a suspicion it may have something to do with her threats, but she had nothing to go on, and no culprit, so she said nothing. That was, until Regina spoke up.

“I have a name for you,” she said to the officer, who seemed to be surprised that the newcomer had more information than the occupants of the house. “Robert Gold. He’s a defense lawyer. I have his business contact information.” She began rummaging through her purse as Emma, Ruby, and Mary Margaret gaped at her.

“The green man…” Emma whispered under her breath.

“The _what_?” Ruby crossed her arms to protect from the cold, her breath huffing out in white puffs.

When Regina finished giving the information to the officer, Ruby and Mary Margaret were staring at both her and Emma expectantly. “We don’t have any proof,” she said. “But. Well…Halloween night? We think that somebody may have triggered it. Somebody from the club.”

“Who?” Ruby’s voice was low and dangerous, face twisted with anger.

“The Crocodile,” Regina said, and Emma saw Ruby’s eyes light up with fuming sparks.

They went inside, and Emma tried to explain as best she knew how to her friends about the pieces she and Regina had been putting together.

“Wait,” Mary Margaret stopped them. “So Emma catches a guy who ran out on his bond. Then she starts getting threatening calls because she caught him. Then come to find out that guy has a big brother, who you know,” she pointed to Regina. “and you call The Crocodile. Then Emma starts having memories, and thinks this crocodile is from her past. And…what…now he’s throwing rocks at our house?”

Emma winced. “Well, when you put it all like that, it sounds kind of…”

“Insane?” Mary Margaret finished for her.

“I think he’s the one calling and threatening Emma,” Regina said, ignoring Mary Margaret’s incredulity.

“I’m gunna ruin that motherfucker,” Ruby growled through her teeth. “Killian, Katherine, and I are putting out a burn notice. He’s done. No self-respecting sub will go near him by the time we’re through with him.”

“In the meantime,” Regina sighed, and Emma felt a hand rubbing the small of her back. “Do you two have a place to stay tonight?”

Both nodded. “I’ll go to Killian’s,” Ruby said.

“David’s already on his way.”

The three women spent some time packing their essentials, while David and Killian showed to pick up Ruby and Mary Margaret. Emma felt tears sting her eyes as she and Regina walked passed her bug to Regina’s Mercedes. “My car…” she groaned, and Regina pulled Emma’s hand to keep walking.

“We’ll get it fixed, darling,” she said kindly.

***

Emma was quiet on the way to the apartment, which Regina welcomed as she took time to get her temper under control, and work out the issues in her head. Of course, none of them had any proof that the vandalism had been the Golds or anyone affiliated with them, but the coincidence was too high to ignore, and Regina had every intention of figuring it out. Once they were inside, Regina helped Emma put her things away in the bedroom. “I want you to stay here for a little while,” she said as she watched Emma rummage around for her phone charger and toothbrush. She saw Emma’s shoulders stiffen, and squinted her eyes as Emma quietly stood up and nodded, her lips pressed together tightly. “What?” she coaxed.

“It’s just,” Emma shuffled her feet, and put a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. “I feel like this is all a lot more than you signed up for.”

Emma was staring at the ground when she said it, and Regina said a little thanks for it. She was sure that her initial expression was not pleasant. Sighing, she approached Emma, putting her hands on Emma’s waist and leaning in to kiss her softly. She pulled away, whispering, “I signed up for you. And I want everything that comes with that.”

Emma didn’t return the smile that Regina was giving her. Regina ran a hand through Emma’s hair, and gave her a few playful pecks on her cheek until she heard Emma giggle and melt underneath her. “Ah,” she joined Emma’s giggling. “There’s my happy girl. C’mon, darling. I’ll make you grilled cheese.”

Emma’s eyes lit up, and Regina felt a warmth enter her chest at the sight of it. “With tomato soup?”

“Of course,” Regina scoffed playfully in answer.

Regina barely touched her food as she watched Emma eat. The happiness shrouded on that sweet face, orange remnants of tomato sauce sticking to the corners of her mouth as she gorged herself; it brought Regina back to their first date at the little Italian restaurant. She saw that face glow under the candlelight in her mind’s eye, so nervous, so unsure of herself and feeling unworthy of Regina’s affections. And Regina had been sitting there, nearly ready to burst, just wanting all of this person, just waiting to break down those walls so that she could know Emma. And here Emma was, sitting happy as can be as food was the sure way to Emma’s heart. The weeks that had passed felt like an eternity for some strange reason, because she realized that she and Emma had learned so much more about each other than she thought was possible to learn about anyone in that amount of time. It hadn’t been on purpose. There was just such a strong connection, a chord tied at both ends to the other’s soul.

She mused over the incredibility of it as she held her head in her hands and watched Emma. “Can we,” Emma smacked through sticky cheese and bread in her mouth, “watch a movie tonight?”

“Anything you want, darling.” Regina said. “After a shower, of course.”

Emma nodded enthusiastically. “With you?”

“Yes love,” she chuckled. “With me. How are you doing? I know there’s a lot going on.”

Emma nodded, continuing to eat and not looking up, seemingly enthralled. “It’s okay. I just keep having this thought in my head.”

“What’s that?”

“Well,” Emma shredded a bit of her crust off her sandwich and put it on the plate. “All this just because I caught a guy for running out on his bond? I don’t know. Doesn’t that seem a little…much to you? I mean, how many guys have I caught running out on a bond? It’s every day stuff.”

Regina felt herself stiffen a bit, as she had been going over her own possible scenarios. It wasn’t absolutely unbelievable that criminals would do something like this, but it did seem like overkill. “I’m not sure. I think possibly for Peter Gold, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But his brother Robert is involved somehow, and that’s what worries me. He’s a well-established lawyer with a lot to lose. I’ve been trying to figure out what his angle on all of this is.”

“If he’s the one calling.”

Regina sighed. “Yes. We still don’t know, do we?”

“No. But Dr. Hopper. Archie? He has an idea.”

Regina cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Emma looked a little nervous, and it was the first time in their conversation that she had lost interest in her food. “He wants to try hypnosis. He thinks it’ll help me remember whatever I keep seeing.”

Regina nodded, confused by Emma’s apprehension. “Does that worry you?”

Emma shrugged. “I don’t know. He says that it can open up floodgates?”

Regina sat silent for a while. She knew Emma was worried about the vision she kept seeing. She was convinced that it was a bad memory. So Regina couldn’t blame her for being worried to witness the entire memory. And if she were honest with herself, it made her nervous too. The way Emma broke down whenever it came to her made Regina wonder if it was such a good idea.

“Anyway,” Emma shrugged as she dipped another piece of her grilled cheese into the soup. “I just want to leave it alone for the night. Maybe we can…relax?”

Regina looked up into Emma’s eyes then, and saw that they were tired, but hopeful. A tiny spark lit in Regina’s chest, and she felt it spreading as she nodded. “Of course, my darling.”

Once dinner was done and dishes were cleaned, they headed to the bathroom, where she turned on the shower and the two undressed to step in. Regina ignored her own body as she tended to Emma’s, pulling her long blonde locks up into a bun to keep from getting wet, and soaping up a washcloth. She massaged the cloth from Emma’s neck and down her back, wrapping her arms around Emma from behind and bringing the cloth up to scrub lightly against Emma’s chest and tummy.

Emma leaned back against her, a tiny hum escaping her lips, and Regina saw a hand go up to Emma’s mouth. She hummed in Emma’s ear. “Is someone feeling little?”

A little shrug. “Kinda,” she said. “Want the truth?”

Regina kept up her mantra of massaging Emma’s skin, the water cascading down their bodies, steam filling their little space. “Always,” she kissed Emma’s shoulder.

“I’m um…I’m always kinda little lately.”

Regina paused slightly, and brought the cloth down to Emma’s groin. “Oh, not all the time, though. Right?” she brought her voice up to a motherly tone that she used with Emma.

“No,” Emma said quickly. “No, not like that. I’m just…there’s different levels. Like, I’m more relaxed around you always. And then sometimes I’m kind of just on this cusp of feeling more…relaxed? And then there’s other times when I’m really little. Like when you hold me. But yeah, sometimes I feel big or whatever, as much as I can ever around you. And that’s usually when…”

“We make love?” Regina finished, bringing the cloth down to cup Emma’s opening and clean gently. She felt Emma shiver against her, despite the warm water massaging their skin.

“Mm hm,” Emma answered, and her fingers started to enter her mouth.

Regina took the washcloth away and hung it up, taking the head of the shower and pointing it in the various spots she had soaped Emma up. When she had finished, she took Emma’s hand away from her mouth. “You know better, baby,” she chided softly.

“Yeah, but…” Emma said quietly.

“But what?” Regina arched her brow at Emma, giving her a smile. Emma stayed quiet, a little brooding coming over her face, and Regina chuckled. “I think,” she sung, “that I have an idea. But you have to wait until after our shower.”

When she had finished, she quickly rinsed herself, and turned the shower off. Again, when they stepped out, she took care of Emma first, drying her off with a towel before drying herself off.

When Regina had successfully gotten them both into pajamas, she sat Emma down on the bed, and knelt in front of her, hands on Emma’s thighs, rubbing smoothing circles. “Mama’s going to show you something now, Emma. And when she does, she’s going to ask you your color. Alright?”

Emma put her fingers up to her mouth, but didn’t actually suck on them. Instead, they tapped her teeth, which Regina knew was a sort of nervous tick. She nodded in response, and Regina went to her closet to take an item out of the bag of things she had purchased for Emma but had yet to use. When she came back, she handed the item to Emma, who lowered her hand and turned it over, getting a good look at it.

Regina gave her a moment to process and think about it before asking. “What’s your color, darling?”

“Green,” she said.

Regina tried to keep her face neutral despite the pleasant tingle that went through her, and her happiness at the answer. She took the item from Emma, and leaned up to kiss her head. “Alright darling. Why don’t you get a blanket and a pillow and I’ll meet you on the couch in a few minutes?”

Emma did just that as Regina took the newly introduced item into the kitchen. She washed it out and then filled it with milk before putting it in the microwave to warm up. When she was done and had twisted the top on, she went into the living and nearly laughed out loud. Emma was buried under an array of blankets that she had dragged out, clearly more than Regina had mentioned to bring. Several pillows were strewn on both the couch and the floor. Her bun poked out from the top of the pile, messy on top of her head as she studied the remote control, tongue bit to the side of her mouth in deep thought.

Regina took the remote gently from her hands, and cocked an eyebrow down at Emma. “What’s all this?” she gestured around her.

Emma gave her a giant smile. “For snuggles?”

Chuckling, Regina arranged everything as best she could so that she could sit down, and Emma immediately crawled in her lap, resting her head against Regina’s chest. Regina kissed the top of Emma’s head and turned the television on. “What would you like to watch, hm?”

Emma’s fingers had found their way to her mouth sneakily, and she mumbled around them. “Pixar.”

Regina found Monsters Inc. as she pulled those fingers out again, earning a tiny whine, and turned the volume low. “Come on love, lay back.”

Emma scooted downward, resting her head in the bend of Regina’s arm, and Regina put a pillow underneath it for support. She picked up the bottle and brought it down to Emma’s lips, who took the nipple gingerly in between her teeth. She simply looked up at Regina for a moment before beginning to suck, and Regina gave her a tender smile. It was as if the smile prompted Emma that it was okay, because she tightened her lips around it and gave a long suck. Regina saw the milk enter her mouth, and Emma’s eyes closed as she sighed. She nuzzled closer to Regina’s chest, and didn’t even both with the movie, too engrossed in her task of suckling. Regina held the bottle as she watched the milk disappear, Emma making little noises as she swallowed. She had only filled it up to six ounces, but Emma was taking her time, her hand coming up to wrap around Regina’s shirt, fingers playing with a button. She curled her legs up until she was practically wrapped around Regina’s middle, lazily suckling the milk until it was gone. When she finally took the last bit, Regina saw her eyes open, her brows furrow. It was clear from her expression that she was under, exhausted from the day, feeling relaxed and safe in Regina’s arms. But Regina could tell she also wasn’t close to falling asleep.

“Good girl, Emma.” Taking the bottle from Emma’s lips, she was met with a milky frown, and Emma whimpered against her as she rubbed her eyes on Regina’s shirt. Regina felt her heart ache at the image. Emma was so sweet when she let her guard down, showed such want in Regina soothing her. Regina made quick work of the buttons on her shirt. “It’s alright, baby,” she hummed as she released her breast from the shirt and met it with Emma’s searching mouth. She felt the wet lips from the milk wrap around her nipple, and Emma suckled with now a practiced purpose. Her soft tongue massaged Regina’s sensitive skin, each pull sending a tiny electric shot down her belly and into her core.

She sat in the moment with Emma, movie forgotten if ever payed attention to by either of them, holding her warm little body that was growing heavier in her arms as Emma began to fall asleep. Regina found that she was patting Emma’s bottom in a smooth rhythm before she was even conscious that she was doing it, and a smile crept up on her face. She could do this every night, she thought as she felt her own eyelids getting heavy. Coaxing Emma to move with her, she lowered them down until she was reclined far enough to rest her head, Emma still attached to her breast, softly humming in content.

And as Emma’s suckling became lazy, few, and far between, Regina joined her in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has a great rest of their week. Thank you so much for all of the well wishes from my last update. I'm feeling better. Still a bit under the weather, but nothing too bad. I'll see you all Sunday, and I'll be posting a little earlier that day. 
> 
> Have a great rest of your week!  
> Oh, ps- I have a tumblr I set up for fanfic stuff, so you can ask me questions on there or just follow me and share your own drabble  
> https://rolly-jodger.tumblr.com


	14. Trust

Regina awoke to a blue screen in her face, and rain thumping against the windows. Groggy, she half-opened her eyes to see drops of water cascading down from the inky skies. She looked towards the wall clock on the other side of the room: 1:15 in the morning.

Little puffs of breath were tickling the skin of her bosom, and she peered down to see Emma in open-mouthed sleep, head tucked under Regina’s arm, face pillowed by her breast. Smiling, she ran a hand over the side of Emma’s face. “Emma,” she called softly. “Come on, darling. Let’s go to bed.”

A grunt of complaint left Emma’s lips as she shifted, body curling further into Regina. Soothing a hand from Emma’s bottom down her thigh, Regina shushed Emma as she grumbled in her waking. She opened her eyes slightly, and met Regina’s. Regina was fascinated by the look Emma was giving her; tired, comfy, content, and still very, very little. She didn’t look at all prepared to wake and stand on her own, much less agree with Regina that the couch would not be as comfy as the bed.

Regina shifted Emma up, who relaxed her head on Regina’s shoulder and mumbled: “Milk.”

Running her hand up and down Emma’s spine as she sat them up, she chuckled. “Oh no. No more milk tonight, Emma. It’s time to sleep.”

Clearly not happy with the answer, Regina felt Emma’s hands ball into fists, and she let out a tired and unenthusiastic, yet still complaining, squeal. Yet to have a fussy Emma, Regina chose to ignore it and managed to get out from under Emma so that she could lift her up. Emma allowed herself to be held, but again demanded milk under her breath.

Reaching the bed, Regina laid Emma down. Emma automatically curled herself into a ball on her side, and put her fingers in her mouth, eyes never opening. Regina went around to Emma’s bedside table and took out her pacifier from the drawer. When she pried Emma’s fingers away from her mouth, Emma released an injured howl, but it was silenced as her paci was put in their stead. Sighing around the soother, Emma’s fussing stopped, and she suckled as Regina bent down to place a kiss on Emma’s temple. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”

She went back to the living room to shut off the television and grab all of the blankets and pillows that Emma had drug in earlier. She had left none on the bed. Regina laughed to herself again at the memory of Emma buried underneath them all as she went back to the bedroom to get them situated with their pillows.

Crawling into bed beside Emma, Regina pulled the comforter up and tucked it around her little one. She wrapped a protective arm around the sleeping girl, unconsciously suckling on her paci every few moments. She watched Emma for a while, hand rubbing circles on the small of Emma’s back, leaning forward to place kisses on Emma’s forehead. She was the picture of perfection, so calm and peaceful.

Emma made a few grunting noises in her sleep, and Regina felt her heart light up at the sound of them. She loved that noise. Nothing sounded better with the exception of Emma’s lips making sucking noises on Regina’s skin. With that thought in mind, she felt a tinge of discomfort at her nipple, and realized that it was a little raw. She had heard stories from some of her Domme friends about chafing, and made a note that she would have to pick up some cream, and also make sure that Emma suckled from each nipple to avoid one being overly used.

As she rubbed Emma’s back, hands found their way to Regina’s still open nightshirt, and a new peaceful sigh escaped around the paci. Even while asleep, Emma could seek out and recognize these little comforts, and it made Regina smile to think of it.

***

Emma woke to the familiar smell of coffee, and rolled over to stretch her limbs. As she did so, she yawned, and started when something fell on her chin. It took her a moment to realize that she had been sucking on her paci, and a new feeling bubbled in her stomach. She felt herself go hot with embarrassment at the idea that she had literally slept all night with it in her mouth. It was a strange feeling, because she knew that the night before, she had felt no such thing. However, a new morning brought a new frame of mind, and she swallowed at the discomfort of how different her mindsets could actually be.

It was also harder to be in that mindset when she was alone, she was realizing. When on her own and left to her own ponderings, it all seemed so surreal. But once Regina was in the room, all of that discourse seemed to wash away, it all seemed to flow so naturally. Regina just had that magic about her. She knew how to make Emma feel comfortable, she knew exactly what to say and when to say it, what to do and when to do it. She found herself smiling, and making the decision that she would go and join that very woman in the kitchen.

Regina wasn’t in the kitchen, however. Emma poured herself a cup of coffee from the readymade pot, and wandered back down the hall to the second bedroom where the door was cracked open, and she could hear papers being shuffled around. Stepping inside, she made herself known by a quiet hello.

Regina turned around, and Emma was struck by two profoundly beautiful things: the smile that was solely for her, and thick black glasses resting on her girlfriend’s face. “Hi sweetheart,” she sung cheerfully as Emma approached to lean down and give her a kiss. Regina gave a tiny hum when their lips finally parted.

“What’re you up to?” Emma’s eyes trailed to the paperwork. Regina rarely worked when Emma was around, and usually the mornings were spent making breakfast or talking to Zelena.

Regina picked up her coffee to take a sip before answering. “Peter Gold’s case. I’ll be in court this Tuesday. Just trying to get a head start.”

Emma nodded, “you should have woken me. I can probably give you some information.”

Regina shook her head as she adjusted her glasses. “I’ve got everything I need. Besides, I couldn’t bring myself to wake you. You were so comfy and sweet.”

Emma felt her cheeks redden, and she sucked her lips in between her teeth. However, the compliment didn’t completely derail her from the conversation at hand. “You sure you’re not just trying to keep me away from the case?” she cocked an eyebrow at Regina, who didn’t at all look ashamed by the idea of it.

Instead, she smiled at Emma. “The thought did cross my mind, yes.”

“Wouldn’t it be helpful to have like a testimony from me or something? He did attack me when I tried to bring him in.” Looking down at the paperwork, Emma could see dozens of notes and highlights. “I just can’t help but think that maybe you’re doing more work than you need to if me giving you a written statement would help way more than you picking apart stuff about the case.”

Finally, Regina’s shoulders slumped, and she looked a little defeated. The pen she was holding was twisting in her hand, and Emma brought her own down to Regina’s neck to massage it softly. “Regina,” she sighed. “I know you want to protect me. But…”

“No,” Regina cut her off, her voice sounding shaky. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I just…”

There was silence for a minute before Emma bent down to kiss her on the top of the head. She sucked in a breath to fill her senses with Regina’s scent before standing up straight again. “Don’t be sorry.”

Sitting back in her seat, Regina tossed the pen onto the table. “Why don’t we go and have some breakfast. Then we’ll talk more about this.”

Nodding, Emma groaned when she heard her stomach growl in response. Regina laughed as Emma grimaced. “You know me too well.”

Regina made traditional eggs, bacon, and hash browns that Emma was convinced had a secret ingredient that made them taste both garlicky and sour creamy all at once. However, Regina would neither confirm nor deny this, and Emma spent the rest of the meal and dish washing session calling out random ingredients until Regina gave her a swift swat on the butt. “You’ll drive both of us insane,” Regina whispered as she came up behind Emma and rubbed soothing circles around the spot she just smacked.

Emma’s breathing picked up, and she let the dish towel she was holding fall onto the kitchen counter. Regina’s tapping hadn’t even come close to stinging, anymore than the time she had done it in the bedroom. Emma realized that it had been merely surprise and her body being so sensitive at the time that she had reacted to as opposed to any type of pain. And she also realized that that was completely by design; Regina had no intention of bringing on pain. “Maybe that’s what I was going for?”

A kiss was placed on her shoulder, and Regina’s voice was like honey in her ear. “Does it hurt when I do that, love?”

A tingle went through Emma’s tummy at the tone and the name, but mostly at the verification of her thoughts. She shook her head. “No. You’re really gentle with me. Maybe…maybe too gentle.”

“Hm.” The palm making circles found their way to the fluttering tummy, and Emma leaned back into the embrace. “Explain.”

Realizing that swallowing was much harder now, Emma took a gulp before she answered. “You want me to be honest with you, right?”

“Always,” a kiss on her neck brought more tingling down her spine.

“There were a couple of houses where um…” she felt the hand on her stomach pause slightly, and she also felt Regina’s other hand come to rub up and down the side of her thigh. “I got hit. Sometimes.”

As she suspected, Emma felt Regina freeze, and the tiny breathing that had been tickling her neck had stopped. But Regina recovered quickly, and wrapped her arms around Emma’s middle, bringing her in closer and nuzzling her nose on the side of Emma’s face.

“It wasn’t ever terrible,” she assured, placing her own hands on top of Regina’s. “It didn’t happen very often. I think the worst part for me was that this practical stranger was invading my space in this really degrading way. I thought…if you did it, it’d bring up some things. But actually…”

A kiss was placed on her cheek, and Regina put her lips up to her ear. “Baby,” she murmured, her voice trembling. “I’m so sorry. I’d never hurt you.”

“Exactly,” Emma nodded, and she turned around, placing her hands on Regina’s cheeks, and feeling her stomach drop at the realization that Regina’s big brown eyes were watering. “I know you would never hurt me. You’re…” she looked down, trying to find the words. “Regina, I trust you. I truly, truly trust you. I know you won’t hurt me. And I know when we first met, I said you intimidated me, but now…”

Regina was looking at her with huge eyes, eyes that Emma felt the need to relax. “Fuck. I’m trying to tell you that it’s okay. That you can. I mean, within reason, but you absolutely can.”

Regina’s expression told Emma that she was calculating, figuring out if Emma was genuine, or trying to placate her, or was not one hundred percent sure. Her brows were furrowed as she studied Emma, and finally gave a tiny shake of her head. “Say it,” she finally stated.

“Huh?”

Regina brought a hand up to Emma’s face, as Emma’s own dropped down to hold Regina around her middle. She rubbed soft fingers on Emma’s cheek as she said, “I need to hear you say it.”

Emma swallowed. “I just did.”

“No,” Regina’s voice was firm yet coaxing, that same tone that told Emma it was alright. That all of it, everything, was completely alright. “You know what I mean.”

Emma closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, and right as she was about to open her mouth to speak, Regina took hold of her chin with tender fingers and forced eye contact. Emma gave tiny huff. “Regina, I give you permission to spank me.”

A smile curved Regina’s lips, and she didn’t let go of Emma’s chin as she tilted towards Emma to press their lips together. She kept it short and soft, and when she pulled away, she continued to hold their gaze. “I will never use harsh spankings for punishment. I don’t believe in it,” she said, and Emma saw a little shadow pass over her eyes. “Little taps or swats are to remind you of your attitude or get your attention. But in the bedroom…” she paused and bit her lip as her eyes trailed down Emma’s torso, and Emma realized that she was reminiscing at that moment, which made a flash of heat hit Emma’s core as her own memory of a particular good evening flipped through her mind.

She licked her lips, “say it,” she commanded, giving a little smirk as Regina narrowed her eyes at Emma for throwing her own words in her face.

With those narrowed eyes and a full smile finally creeping up Regina’s face, she saw Emma’s moment of domination and raised her, as she brought her hands down to cup Emma’s ass. Emma’s breath hitched in surprise as a particularly embarrassing jolt flooded through her, and she held back a groan at the feeling of her core releasing wetness in between her legs.

If she had any hope that Regina had missed her reaction, it was immediately dashed. Regina’s demeanor shifted completely, shoulder straightening and eyes going dark. Her face set in that way that Emma recognized as not quite Regina, not quite The Queen, but something else. Maybe a bit of her mama, but far too mischievous to be just that. It was something just for her, and lately she was having fun trying to find a name for it.

Regina slowly pushed their bodies until Emma’s back was against the counter, and Regina gave a firm squeeze to her cheeks. The look in her eyes as Emma gave an involuntary groan let Emma know that she was very pleased with the reaction, and she held her possessively as she spoke, her voice low and sultry, just about the embodiment of everything sexy about Regina. “When I’m fucking you,” she leaned in closer, lips nearly touching Emma’s cheek, “and you start trying to call the shots,” she pressed her hands into Emma’s ass so possessively that Emma felt another pool of wetness drench her panties, and Regina all but growled into Emma’s ear: “I’ll spank your cute little ass until you admit that I am the one in charge.”

Emma was breathing heavily now, eyes heavy with lust, fingers curling around Regina’s shirt for purchase. A pitiful little “Mama,” slipped out of her lips as she hugged herself against Regina, trying to grind her hips to find friction.

She heard and felt Regina chuckle at her actions, and one of Regina’s hands went down to cup Emma’s sex. The reaction was immediate, as Emma let out a whimper and trembled. “My Emma,” Regina’s voice was a mixture of sex and adoration as she cooed in her ear. “You’re my helpless little girl, aren’t you?” Emma’s answer was to repeat her actions, beyond being able to care how pitiful she must have looked and sounded. Regina was working that magic on her, that magic that set her entire body alight with need. Regina pressed her hand more firmly against Emma, and when she spoke next, her lips gently tickled Emma’s ear. “Tell me my promise to you, Little One.”

“You’ll keep me safe.” Emma’s voice was thick with lust. She gasped when she felt Regina’s teeth bite down gently on her earlobe.

“Yes, baby. I’ll always keep you safe. I’ll always check on you. I’ll always expect you to tell me when you don’t feel safe. And I’ll never, _ever_ hurt you.”

Emma felt herself shiver, but tried to quickly recover herself, and she grabbed at the hem of Regina’s pants and dove in for a feverish kiss. She felt and heard Regina give a little surprised grunt, and felt herself smile against soft lips. Despite Regina trying to gently pull away, Emma advanced, fingers finding the button of the pants and trying to unfasten them.

This was a mistake, of course. Regina had her hands on top of Emma’s before Emma could even blink, and she found herself forced to walk backwards as Regina charged them towards the hallway and down to the bedroom. Emma’s heart rate quickened, anticipation building up as Regina pried her hands away and forced her down on the bed. Following her, she loomed over Emma, trailing a hand down between Emma’s breasts to her naval. “My little one is being naughty,” she husked, grabbing the button of Emma’s pants and quickly unfastening them. She wasted no time pulling them down along with Emma’s panties, and Emma lifted her hips up to help, more than ready for her clothes to be off. “You like pressing your luck, don’t you?” Regina said as she came back up to Emma’s face and forced a harsh kiss.

Emma, however, rose to the occasion. Her entire body was on fire, and she was positively aching to have Regina touching her.

                                                            ***

Emma jutted her chin out farther, and gave Regina a proud smile. But Regina was ready for that smugness. She gave Emma a dark, mischievous grin, and saw in Emma’s eyes that her bravery faltered when Regina brought a hand up to caress Emma’s slick pussy. She hummed in pleasure at the feeling of Emma’s arousal against her fingers. “Fuck,” she breathed out, and she knew the look she was giving Emma was the thing that was causing Emma’s body to tremble ever-so-slightly. “I love how wet I can make you.”

She suppressed her grin when Emma let out an involuntary moan. If there was a person who loved dirty talk more than Regina, it was Emma. Knowing this, she used it to her advantage. “You’re always so wet for me, aren’t you?”

She saw that Emma was about to nod, but caught herself, and instead tried to come back up to gain another kiss. However, when Regina turned away from it, Emma’s solution was to bring her teeth against Regina’s exposed neck and suck in the skin there.

She felt a jolt of electricity run through her body and end at her core, and a flood of wetness released into her panties. She allowed the gesture for a tiny while just to revel in the feeling, but then she growled, and brought a hand down hard on Emma’s bare ass.

Emma yelped into her skin, her hold on Regina’s neck letting go. Her head flew back, and she collapsed onto the pillows. At the same time, the fingers that were still very much massaging Emma’s wet slit grew wetter still. “You lay still,” Regina ordered. “And let Mama fuck you.” The same moment she said it, she sunk two fingers in between Emma’s folds, earning her a high-pitched moan. Emma’s hips rose off the bed to gain more friction, but Regina corrected it with another swift swat on the opposite cheek.

The noise that came out of Emma was unlike anything she had heard before. It was a mixture of a whine and pure lust, her body wriggling underneath her. She was clearly struggling to contain her pleasure, and tried lightly rolling her hips forward.

Regina allowed it as she pumped her fingers in and out of Emma, slowly at first, making sure that she pressed against Emma’s favorite place just above her g-spot. When she hit it, Emma let out a pitiful mewl, and she reached her arms up to grab on to Regina’s neck and try to bring her down for a kiss. Regina met her needs, pressing lips against lips, Emma’s breath ragged and escaping into Regina’s mouth, sending another hot jolt through her body. Emma was so fucking sexy, it was hard to ignore the ache in between her own legs. But she wanted to give this to Emma, she wanted to reach this place with her, gain this trust. So just as Emma began to squirm again and try to gain friction, Regina pulled away. “What’s your color, Little One?”

“Green,” Emma moaned out. “Green, Mama.”

“Do you like it when Mama spanks you?”

Emma began pumping her hips up again, her hands coming up to clutch at Regina’s waist. “Yes,” she breathed.

Regina answered with another slap to one of Emma’s cheeks. She felt the heat there from the previous smacks, and brought her hand back down to massage the angry flesh. “Does this hurt you, my little love?” she kept her voice sickly sweet as Emma’s head twisted from side to side in a shake of her head. Regina smiled as she leaned down to put her lips close to Emma’s ear. “I love your dripping cunt,” she murmured. “I love how wet you get for me.”

Emma trembled against her, legs locking around Regina’s waist. “I love being inside of you,” she ground her palm down against Emma’s clit as she said it, and it earned her a loud cry of pleasure. “You’re absolutely beautiful when you are underneath me.” She began pumping in and out of Emma at lightening pace, feeling the walls around her fingers clenching with the need. She felt Emma’s hips begin to roll into the motions, her legs close like a vice grip around her. She brought her hand down against Emma’s ass again. Emma squeezed her eyes shut as she yelped in pleasure, but Regina commanded: “Look at me, Emma.” It was met instantly, and Emma’s eyes were so dark with lust that it nearly sent Regina over the edge without so much as being touched. She brought her hand down again, the mixed noise of flesh being slapped and Emma’s wetness filling the air. It was enough to drive Regina wild. “Oh, fuck,” she whimpered, not caring that her mask was slipping. “Baby…”

Emma released another lustful cry, the sound nearly splitting Regina’s ears. “R’gina!”

“Emma…oh fuck!” she began to bring her hand down against Emma’s ass in a steady rhythm, the slaps not hard, but a continuing mantra that she knew was going to heighten the sensation of the orgasm that was building up in her lover.

“Harder,” Emma stammered out, and Regina felt the surprise of the demand send another bolt of pleasure into her core.

“Baby…” she was about to protest, but Emma grasped onto her so tight and looked at her so severely that Regina knew she was right about to fall off that edge.

“Harder,” she demanded again, and Regina complied, bringing her hand down with a satisfying crack to one cheek, and when she followed with another on the opposite side, Emma rose off the bed, her body freezing underneath Regina. There was a stunning silence before Emma released a howl that was followed with her walls opening up and a powerful gush of liquid soaked Regina’s hand. It didn’t stop for several seconds as she felt it drip down to the mattress. When she realized what was happening, the hand that had been spanking Emma was brought around the small of her back, holding Emma protectively as her body released its pleasure. Emma was helpless to the force that had overtaken her. She continued to sing out incredible noises as she shook, until she finally collapsed into Regina’s waiting arms.

They lay panting for a long time, Regina pressing soft kisses to any part of Emma’s body that she could find. “That’s my good girl,” she whispered. “You’re so incredible, baby.”

“Hmm…” Emma instinctively curled into Regina’s touch, but when she did, she clearly felt the wetness underneath her. “Wha…oh shit!” she jumped, and would have leaped off of the mattress if Regina hadn’t kept a firm hold on her.

“Sshh…you’re okay.”

“Regina, no! There’s… _fuck_!”

“Emma,” Regina made Emma look her in the eye, and she gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. It’s not what you think.”

Tears started to form in Emma’s eyes. “I _think_ I just pissed all over you!”

Regina couldn’t help it; she threw her head back and laughed. “No, my little charmer. You didn’t. Have you never ejaculated before?”

Emma’s brows furrowed, and her mouth gaped open. “That actually happens?”

Regina gave Emma a mischievous smirk before coming down to kiss her hard. Emma tensed for just a moment before melting into it, and Regina pulled away just as she felt Emma start to whimper. “Yes, darling,” she whispered as she ran a thumb over Emma’s lips. “It does. And if I’m very, very lucky, it’ll happen again and again.”

***

Regina usually preferred the atmosphere of a courtroom as opposed to the judge’s chambers. She admitted that she was a bit of a showoff, enjoyed other defendants and victims watching how she worked. It was good for business. Whatever boosted her reputation as a prosecutor was something she was all game for.

But for this case, she wished it was being kept behind closed doors. Though she typically cared for her victims and wanted to see justice, she recognized how emotionally close to this case she actually was. The sight of Robert Gold alone was enough to make her blood boil. Regardless if he was the individual making the calls or not (though Regina suspected he was), his handling of the situation didn’t sit well with her. That cocky coyness alluded to something more sinister, or just made him a downright jerk. But seeing Peter Gold in the flesh, the man who had physically hurt and threatened Emma? Well, that was a different kind of hatred that poured out of her.

Despite it all, Regina kept her head held high, and tried to show little to no emotion as she read the charges out loud for Judge Preston to hear: three counts of misdemeanor drug charges and one count of misdemeanor larceny. Her hope was that at the very least, Peter Gold should be spending the next three years is jail.

Of course, Gold didn’t see it that way. Once Regina was finished reading off the charges, he stepped in. “Your honor, my client has been seeking professional help for his drug habits, and has showed great progress and much remorse for his actions. We quantify his behavior to the drug use, and he is willing to commit to a nine month live-in program in order to get well.”

“And missing his court date followed by physically attacking the bail bondswoman hired to bring him to justice. Were those also the fault of the drugs?” Regina darted her eyes from Gold to Judge Preston, who said nothing and gave them both a bored look from her pew.

“The attack on the bail bondswoman was an unfortunate incident, but was in no way the fault of my client. He was lured to a location alone with an individual he believed had romantic interests in him, who then resorted to physical violence when he discovered her true intentions.” Gold’s eyes never left the judge’s as he retaliated with these words, and Regina knew it was because he was avoiding the death glare she was giving him.

Regina scoffed, “Your honor, the bail bondswoman was doing her job, which was to bring a criminal to justice after evading court. Furthermore, said bail bondswoman has been receiving threatening phone calls that clearly…”

“Objection. There is no proof of these calls or of their origin.” Gold’s voice was loud and precise, clearly wanting Regina’s words to be drowned out before Preston heard too much. Regina’s eyes narrowed, and she nearly hissed in Gold’s direction.

However, Judge Preston scoffed loudly and sat back in her seat, clearly annoyed. “Sustained. Counselors, we are not here to discuss alleged calls or an attack on anyone. We are here to bring forth the charges already on record for Peter Andrew Gold, which are as follows.” She read off the charges that were in front of Regina in her files as Regina swallowed the idea of presenting Emma’s letter. Many times, if there was no jury, a case completely depended on what judge was assigned to it. Preston was known to be very straight forward, and not much interested in dragging anything on that didn’t need to be. When Judge Preston was done, she asked how Gold pled, and the answer was the same as in the paperwork: no contest.

At this point, Regina brought out her weapons of Gold’s past. He had a previous theft conviction, and she knew with Gold’s commitment to a live-in drug program and an addition of community hours picking up trash on the highway, there was a very real possibility that those drug charges weren’t going to land him as much time as she would like. Gold, of course, pushed back, blamed the theft on the drugs, and Regina had to bite her lip at the fact that Peter was currently being investigated for the assault of a young woman. Innocent until proven guilty, and Preston wasn’t going to appreciate Regina muddying up the waters with topics having nothing to do with the current charges.

Regina snuck a glance at Peter Gold. He was in his early twenties, but he looked to be about twelve; a baby face showing no signs of facial hair, a body that looked like a twig with his ears sticking out at odd angles, hair messy on top of his head. He was awkward and silent, though there was a fire in his eyes that made Regina feel uneasy. He really just looked like a boy, maybe a little lost in this system.

She straightened up and put her eyes back on Preston. She wasn’t going to get dragged into caring about Peter Gold’s past. She just wanted him to stay away from Emma. They bickered back and forth for a while longer until Preston finally had heard enough, and said through clenched teeth: “Peter Andrew Gold, I am sentencing you to eighteen months in the county jail, after which time you will indeed spend nine months in a drug rehabilitation facility of this court’s choice, and have one-year parole.”

“Your honor…” Regina could hear the panic in the other lawyer’s voice, but he was immediately cut off by the well-known sharp bite of Judge Preston.

“Mr. Gold, not another word out of you. My ruling is final. Counselor Mills, please finish the necessary paperwork and have it in my chambers by this afternoon. Good day.” Her gavel smacked down, and that was that. Peter Gold was approached by the guards that had been waiting on the sidelines, more than happy to take him back downstairs to the jail.

“Rob,” he whispered to his brother in panic as he looked to the two giant men coming for him.

“Quiet!” Gold hissed back, and he crammed stacks of pages into his briefcase as Regina held her chin up high and exited the courtroom.

She didn’t get very far down the hallway when she heard her name being called. Her chest alighted with a mixture of annoyance and revelry for a fight as she spun around to face Gold. He didn’t stop until he was mere inches from her face, their noses practically touching. She could hear the wheezing of his breath, and his face was red with rage. “I hope you’re proud of yourself, Counselor,” he snarled quietly, keeping his voice level so that the numerous people walking by trying to reach their own court dates didn’t overhear them.

Regina couldn’t help the sneer that ticked on her face. “Not quite,” she said pleasantly. “If it were up to me, the consequences would have been much steeper.”

“Steeper,” he hissed. “The boy will be behind bars for over two years.”

“That ‘boy’ put himself behind bars. And if you ask me, that is exactly where he belongs. And whatever keeps him off the streets so that he can’t hurt anyone else is perfectly fine with me.”

“Hurt anyone?” Gold’s voice raised, and somehow he managed to get closer. She could smell his cologne, and it made her stomach roll. “The boy stole and smoked some pot.”

Regina scoffed at that. “You know as well as I do that if he didn’t hurt that woman he’s being investigated for, then he had every intention of hurting someone else. And I am not just going to sit around and watch it. Any more than I’ll sit and watch you do the same.”

His eyes narrowed at that, and he actually showed some amusement in his voice. “Ah, so that’s what this is about? Your little blonde girlfriend getting mean phone calls?”

“Careful, Gold.” Regina growled, feeling her hands ball into fists. They shook slightly as she fought to contain her rage.

But her anger only amused him more, and his smile spread. She realized then that he knew he had touched a nerve, and he was going to use it to his advantage. “This makes perfect sense. Seems I’ve been blacklisted by every sub in Boston, which coincidentally happens around the same time you mysteriously take my brother’s case off of Adams’ hands. And all this because you think I’m harassing your girlfriend?

“I _know_ you’re threatening Emma.”

A finger was put in her face as he pointed at her, and she winced as she felt a tiny bit of spittle fleck onto her face. Again, her stomach churned. “You know absolutely _nothing_.” His voice sounded as if he was tempted to drive a knife into her chest. “If I wanted that girl hurt, if I wanted to make her _pay_ …” he stepped forward, forcing Regina to lean back until she caught her footing and stepped out of his way. “I fucking _would_. You can count on that, Mills.”

He turned and walked away so quickly that Regina didn’t even have time to open her mouth to retaliate. However, she was so taken aback by his conviction, that instead she stood, breathless. Standing frozen in the middle of the busy court hallway, Regina began to doubt her suspicions. What if it wasn’t Gold calling and threatening Emma? And if it wasn’t, who was?

***

Regina pushed her polenta around on her plate, missing the looks that Emma was giving her in between bites and sips of her wine. When she had explained what happened in court that day, Emma was pleased, but she also didn’t seem to find it concerning that Gold was adamant that he wasn’t making the calls. She chalked it up to him being a good liar, but Regina knew Gold, had spent countless hours with him in the courtroom going toe to toe with him. She had seen all of his moves, all of his ploys. What she had seen that afternoon wasn’t a ploy. He was pissed. Raging pissed. But he wasn’t lying. Which begged the question: who was threatening Emma?

Her thoughts were broken when she felt a fork full of food being edged into her mouth. Sitting up, she gave Emma an incredulous look as Emma sat hopeful, the fork still perched up and waiting to be consumed. “What?” Emma’s eyebrow arched. “Open up.”

Regina narrowed her eyes at Emma, but gave her a smirk. She opened her mouth just the slightest, and Emma used it to her advantage, pushing the fork all the way in until the food hit Regina’s tongue. She mulled it around in her mouth, but despite spending almost an hour in the kitchen preparing the meal, it tasted like sandpaper. It actually hurt to swallow it as she forced it down, but Emma was ready with another forkful.

Regina chuckled, and took the fork from Emma’s hand. Tucking a strand of hair behind Emma’s ear, she smiled. “Are you going to be the mama tonight?”

Emma shrugged. “Mamas have to eat too, ya know.”

Swallowing the second bite, Regina said, “I’ll drop you off again tomorrow, but your car will be ready in the afternoon.”

Emma sighed in relief. “Finally!”

Regina scoffed amusedly at her, “It’s only been five days.”

“That’s a long time!” Emma complained. “You know the last time I was apart from the bug for that long? Like…” her eyes widened dramatically. “Never!”

Regina’s smile grew, and she felt better enough to pick up her own fork and feed herself. However, Emma’s gesture for hand feeding prompted an idea: one that was going to make her feel much better. “How about we forget the dishes this evening, and we go straight to dessert?”

Emma’s eyes lit up at the prospect, and Regina kept her composure, though she wanted to laugh at the cuteness in front of her. She bounced a little in her chair as she asked delightedly: “What’s for dessert?”

Grinning, Regina leaned in to catch Emma’s lips in a soft kiss. They paused in place for a moment, and Regina reveled in the feeling of those lips pressed up against hers, tasting Emma’s sweet breath mixed with her cooking and wine. When she finally pulled away, she whispered, “how about some warm milk with honey?”

If Emma had looked excited before, then she was positively over the moon at the sound of it. Her cheeks turned that sweet pink that made Regina feel warm all over, and her face split into a smile from ear to ear. Regina couldn’t help it; she forgot all of the food and the dishes on the table, and snatched Emma up to lead her into the bedroom, gripping her hand and rubbing her knuckles with her thumb. She sat Emma on the bed and gave her a set of pajamas. “Do you think you can manage these and brushing your teeth while I warm up your milk?”

Emma looked down at the pajamas, and nodded. Regina smiled and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “I’ll be right back.”

She heated up an 8-ounce bottle of milk and honey in the microwave, and brought it back to an Emma that had strewn her day clothes throughout the bedroom and collected a mesh of pillows and blankets into one spot of the bed where Regina usually held her, trying to build a fort.

“Why do you always pile everything on top of one another?” Regina asked as she scooted several pillows out of her way so that she could sit on the bed and rest against the headboard.

“They’re comfy,” Emma shrugged as she continued to gather random bits of blankets.

Regina chuckled as she grabbed hold of Emma to make her stop her blanket collecting, and gathered Emma in her lap. Emma tried to fight it for a moment, obviously not quite satisfied with the arrangement she had made, but Regina put a stop to it by forcing Emma’s head over her shoulder and patting her back. Emma wiggled, giving a complaining grunt, but Regina held her in place. Turning her head to press her lips against Emma’s ear, she whispered, “calm down, darling.”

Emma gave a huff of complaint, but eventually stopped trying to wriggle out of Regina’s grip, and accepted her place as Regina held her and patted her back as if she were an infant needing to be burped. Clearly, it had a strange effect on Emma, who seemed hesitant to be forced into a calming state, but also was very much under the influence of the efforts being made.

Regina gave a soft chuckle as she felt Emma’s body still. “That’s my girl. If you stay calm, Mama will give you your bottle.”

The words seemed to have the desired effect. Regina felt Emma press her face into her shoulder and rub, arms coming around Regina’s neck to hug her back as she was held and patted. Regina eventually moved her hand from Emma’s back down to her bottom, and continued to pat until she felt Emma’s muscled untense and her breathing even out.

When Emma became much heavier against her, Regina finally began to shift Emma until her head was cradled in the bend of Regina’s arm. Though Emma helped in the effort some, it was clear that her mindset was shifting. Once fastened to her place in Regina’s arms, Emma gazed up with far-away eyes, and a hand came up to wrap her fingers around Regina’s shirt.

Regina smiled down as she picked up the bottle from the nightstand and brought it to Emma’s lips. Emma took it without hesitation, her first suck long and strong. When the liquid slid down her throat, she made a pleased sound that told Regina she had added just the right amount of honey.

Regina held Emma’s gaze as she suckled. She could actually see Emma going deeper and deeper under as the milk disappeared. The sounds from the bottle being emptied lit a spark in Regina’s heart, and she rocked Emma gently.

To her surprise, Emma only drank half of the milk before she turned her face so the nipple would leave her mouth, and her hand pressed harder on Regina’s shirt. “What darling?” Regina asked as she tried to bring the bottle back to Emma’s lips. Emma refused it, and pressed her face into Regina’s chest. “You don’t want to finish?”

Emma let out a whimper as she rubbed her eyes against Regina’s breasts, and Regina put the bottle back on the nightstand to comb her fingers through Emma’s hair. “What is it, Emma?”

Emma didn’t answer, which surprised Regina not one bit. Emma was not prone to being verbal when she was little. She had to take queues. This only helped her more with being Emma’s Mama; she had to pay attention to her sighs, her body language, her touches and looks. Emma was so expressive without actually saying anything. For instance, rubbing her eyes and blinking them hard when she was tired, tapping her fingers to her teeth when she wanted a pacifier, and this particular action Emma was performing at the moment happened when she wanted to nurse.

Regina stopped her soothing motions of combing Emma’s hair to unbutton her shirt and undo her bra. However, she needed to move Emma so that she was shifted to the other side. It was natural for Emma to be held on Regina’s left, so her left nipple had received much more of Emma’s attention than her right. However, tonight, she needed to even the playing field and give her left side a break. Emma had been nursing every night, and sometimes in the morning. She was going to have to start paying attention to these details if they wanted to continue. “Come on, love,” she coaxed as she tried to maneuver Emma, who started fussing. Clearly thinking she was being put down for the night, Emma put up a fight, and tried to clasp tightly to Regina’s shirt. “It’s alright baby. I just need you on this side,” she assured, finally resting Emma back down in her lap and cradling her.

Emma’s eyes were heavy now, and Regina realized that she was completely in her headspace. It was unclear if Emma comprehended what Regina was saying to her when she was this little, but she tried to give Emma as many nonverbal cues as Emma gave herself. The hand that was cradled under Emma began to pat Emma’s bottom as she adjusted her breast free. “That’s it,” she praised as Emma sighed, clearly relieved to still be held, eyes on Regina’s breast that was guided to her lips. She closed them around the offered mound, and Regina felt Emma’s warm mouth encircle her nipple. The pleasant sensation of pressure from Emma’s suckling cocooned her in a quiet calm that only this could bring her. Her free hand gently caressed Emma’s cheek as she felt Emma’s tongue lapping at her exposed skin. Emma hummed into her breast, and she felt goosebumps form on her arms. Bringing one of Emma’s collected blankets up to wrap around her nursing little one, she rocked them slowly until she felt Emma’s suckling grow weak. Her lips released some of their hold, Regina felt less and less of that pleasant pressure, until finally that beautiful face softened into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to express a sincere apology for not updating on Sunday. Life got incredibly busy with both planned things and then unforseen events. A natural disaster hit a neighboring city, and the effects have been pretty significant for most of us within a couple hundred miles radius. It was a perfect storm of situations that while I had time to write, I simply wasn't in the headspace to actually produce anything decent. I will pick quality over quantity any time. However, I am now back, and I'm really sorry for those of you who were hoping for a Sunday update. I hate not being dependable, but life just didn't allow for creative juices this time around. Anyway, things are back on track. I hope you all had a decent weekend regardless. I did post on my tumblr that I wasn't able to update (though I felt bad because I know not everyone has one), but if you do, it is a good place to get that kind of information. The link is below. Sorry again!  
> https://rolly-jodger.tumblr.com


	15. A Dead Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: depictions of violence

It felt so good to be back in the bug that Emma got herself some coffee and simply drove around town. She checked out a few places she planned to stakeout later, ran a few errands that she had been putting off, and dropped off paperwork to numerous offices or bounty hunters she had partnerships with. She was avoiding August like the plague, which she knew would upset Regina, but she wasn’t technically doing anything nefarious for work, so she brushed it off.

She couldn’t handle August agitating her right now. She had another appointment with Archie that afternoon, and she felt that she needed to keep herself in the right mindset. It had taken a few days to make the decision, but Emma finally decided that hypnotism was worth a shot. If she were honest, the little peeks she was getting into whatever history was behind her was starting to drive her a little bonkers. She had been good about masking it around Regina, even though she had slipped quicker into headspace than she felt she would have normally if she didn’t have so many troubling current events surrounding her.

Luckily, the windows in the house had also been fixed, but she and Regina had yet to have the conversation about her returning there. Mary Margaret had been staying with David ever since, but Ruby and Emma had already been mentally preparing for her eventual move that would happen. They were engaged for the following summer, so it wouldn’t be a complete shock if Mary Margaret decided to bump her move-in date up from that spring. But Emma had been hoping she had more time, both emotionally and financially.

Ruby, on the other hand, was ready to go back to the house. Neither she nor Killian were much for spending every waking moment outside of work together, and although he and Katherine were pretty insistent that she stay with him until Emma decided to go back, she was not happy with the decision. It put more pressure on Emma to return. Emma considered having Regina come and stay at the house for a few days, but knew that the Band-Aid needed to be pulled off eventually, and sooner rather than later. She sighed. She liked staying with Regina. It was their own little world. She also liked her independence when the mood struck, but she was weary about the house. She wasn’t going to admit it to anyone, but a big part of her was ready to get the hell out of there and find a new place to live. Both she and Ruby would need to downsize when Mary Margaret left anyway; why not just start looking since her location was compromised?

It made sense to her. However, she knew her friends and Regina were worried enough. Should she be worrying them more by showing that she didn’t want to go home? Should she put another burden on herself and Ruby by having to look for a new place and deal with the headache of packing and unpacking? It was a lot to think about at the moment. There was already so much on her plate.

She had been running around to different sides of Boston, and before she knew it, it was almost time for her appointment. Archie Hopper’s office was in Brighton, not far from where Emma’s house was. It was common to get month-to-month rent for houses in the area because of the college, and the prices were typically good. It occurred to Emma then that the reason his offices were so close was due to the fact that he must teach at the college. Zelena and Regina had both attended Cambridge, Emma knew, so it made perfect sense.

“Emma, hi!” Archie looked pleased as punch to see her as she finally reached the door of his office. She sighed inwardly to gain her courage, and shook off that feeling of being in the waiting room that she hated. Now that she was finally with Archie in the quiet of that office, the heaviness of their task was hitting her. It was all fine and dandy to read about hypnotism and suppressed memories on the internet, or to muse about it while driving around in the open space or with Regina, but to actually be in the quietude of the room felt completely different. Though Archie’s office had a much homier vibe with his antiques and comfy couches than many of the other sterile doctor’s offices she’d been in that reminded her of being pulled into administrative offices in foster homes, it still held the atmosphere of an office. Offices were not Emma’s thing. There was a reason that she had picked a profession that didn’t require her to have one, the reason that most of her paperwork was piled high in the bug as opposed to in a drawer of a desk in between four walls. Emma didn’t like the feeling of being trapped that always overcame her in those situations. And now here she was in this office, kicking herself for not foreseeing how creeped out being here actually was going to make her.

At the same time, it was hard to not feel some form of relaxation around Archie. He reminded her of Regina in that way: no matter what face she was making or what words were coming out of her mouth, he always answered with a kind smile and understanding that she didn’t feel worthy of. “Hey Archie,” she tried to smile, but winced when her voice came out much shakier than she would have liked to show.

Archie, however, smiled as he sat down. “It’s going to be just fine, Emma,” he said. “Would you like some coffee or anything? I figure we could chat first before we get started.” Archie was wearing a tweet jacket that went very well with his overall demeanor; an old-fashioned kind of guy. Emma wasn’t sure why that comforted her so much.

“Um,” she sat down on the couch opposite him, and rubbed her hands up and down her thighs, unable to keep still. The idea of putting anything in her stomach suddenly sounded really unappealing. “No thanks,” she chuckled a little bit. “Sorry. I’m acting stupid again.”

Archie shook his head, adjusting his glasses. “You’re not acting stupid at all. I can completely understand being nervous. How was your week?”

Emma laughed harder at that, “Oh boy,” she blew out a puff of breath. “Where to start? Um…my house and car got rocked, windows all busted out, the kid who the phone calls have been about got sent to a couple of years in jail and Regina put him there, I’m staying with Regina even though all the windows have been fixed, and I have made absolutely no plans for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to sort out these crazy memories I have, and sometimes they give me nightmares. Like kicking and screaming nightmares. It’s not fun.”

It was silent for a moment as Archie’s eyebrows stayed in place high above his forehead. “That’s…a lot,” he went with finally, and Emma pressed her lips together. A part of her regretted unloading all of that, but another part of her…the latest voice in her head that sounded like Regina…told her that it was exactly why she was there.

“Yeah,” she said, shoulders deflating slightly as she recognized the burden.

“Look, Emma, you don’t have to go through with the hypnosis today. It’s up to you, but if you need to sit on it for a little while longer, that is absolutely fine.”

“No,” Emma answered quickly. “Really. I just want to get this over with. The memory I have…” she paused and looked to the side, suddenly finding great interest in a huge landscape painting in a thick decorative frame on the wall. “It’s frustrating. Some of it feels like a memory, other parts feel like a dream. And it’s really intense. But I need to figure it out. I’m done not having answers.”

Archie nodded. “Well, whenever you’re ready, I’ll just have you lay back on the couch.”

Emma felt her spine straighten, but tried to ignore the vulnerability that Archie’s ask left her feeling. She slowly shifted herself to lay on the couch, her head resting against the arm, and she stared up at the ceiling that was adorned with old wood, hundreds of grooves and knots making out strange shapes of animals and objects, as if she were staring at clouds on a calm day.

“Close your eyes, and just listen to my voice.”

Emma said goodbye to the shapes, and closed her eyes. The only sound she could hear was that of an old grandfather clock that Archie had on the far side of the room, and him giving her instructions. “Breath in slowly and fully through your mouth.”

Emma did so.

“And while you release it, I want you to count down with me in your head.”

Emma waited for him to start the numbers. He began with ten, and she let her breath out slowly as she heard him make his way down to nine and then eight. When he got to five, she was almost out of breath, so she slowed it down. Three was coming…two…

_Emma had her hands clenched around the crib while Baby P stood wailing, holding his desperate little arms out to her. She wanted to pick him up. She really did. But she had put him in there for a reason: she needed to hide, and she couldn’t bring him when he was crying like this. They wouldn’t hurt him anyway. It was him they wanted. That’s why Mommy was screaming. They’d come for him, and he’d stop crying, and with any luck, they’d leave her there._

_She picked up Baby P’s teddy bear and tried to hand it to him. “Here, bud. Here! See, it’s Sebastian!” she whispered hurriedly. “You love Teddy Sebastian. Come on!”_

_She put it in his hands, but he let it fall back down to the crib floor. It landed on its nose, and Emma felt a huge ache in her chest. What if she never saw the baby again?_

_“It’s done,” she heard the voice down the hall, and she knew her time to reminisce was over. She needed to get out of there. Now._

_She ran as quietly as she could down the hall, meaning to escape out the back door. The baby let out a howl that was so much louder than before. Just as she reached the opening to the back way, she heard their voices coming towards her escape route; they were coming her way. She backtracked quickly, diving into Mommy’s room to hide._

_The moment she entered, a pungent, metallic smell hit her senses so hard, she nearly emptied the contents of her stomach all over the floor. The bed was in complete disarray, and the blankets and sheets looked as though someone had taken a red bucket of paint and dumped it all over. Red finger paints were on the wall._

_“Find the girl.”_

_Emma spun her head around, looking for someplace to hide. She spotted the door to the walk-in closet, and went for it. It was dark inside, and Emma hated the dark. But for the first time in her life, being in a tiny dark room felt much safer than where she had been._

_The baby was wailing that terrible wail, and Emma felt her hand come over her mouth to keep herself from mimicking him. She grasped her face so tightly that she could hardly breath. She smelled a new smell, and recognized it from a dozen nights of wetting the bed. Her pants turned heavy and warm. She squeezed her eyes shut, and hoped that the man couldn’t smell it. She felt her face was wet, and knew that tears were spilling down her cheeks in a free fall. She was about to close the door all the way when she saw someone enter the room. There was nothing to do now but wait for them to leave, and hope they didn’t find her. The door was cracked just a bit, and she could still see a portion of the bed, the red paint dripping down to the floor and leaving stains all over the carpet. Mommy would have a cow when she saw it. Once, she slapped Emma for spilling her juice on the rug in the living room._

_“Find that fucking kid!”_

Emma nearly screamed as she gulped for air. She launched up from her position so fast that she would have fallen off the couch if someone didn’t hold her in place. Trying desperately to swallow as much oxygen as she could, she realized that Archie was sitting next to her and that he had grabbed hold of her arms.

“You’re alright,” he assured.

Emma’s eyes were like saucers as she gaped at him. “What the hell just happened?” she felt herself starting to shake, and realized that she was covered in a thick layer of sweat. All of her clothes felt drenched.

“You went deeply under,” he said, shaking his head. “Emma…”

“I have to go,” she wrenched herself from free Archie’s hands, and stood up from the couch. Her legs felt like jelly, but she caught her balance.

“Emma, wait!” Archie was on his feet too now, trying to follow her.

“I can’t. I need to go,” she realized that her voice was raised very high, and as she shot out of the room, she could feel very startled eyes on her from the waiting room. She ignored them, and all but ran out of the building and to her car. The instant she was outside, the air felt so freeing, that a sob escaped her lips. Instead of darkness, she was in the grey light of day. Instead of smelling blood and sweat and urine, she could smell the freshness of the rain. Oh fuck…the blood.

She’d been in a room with a dead person. And whoever killed her wanted her dead too. But she wasn’t dead. She was alive.

Emma clutched at her head, willing herself to remember…trying desperately to cling to more details of whatever had just been unlocked.

It was terrifying. Because before today, she had absolutely no memory of that house, no memory of this woman called “Mommy”, a vague memory of Baby P, but really didn’t remember his room or the crib or anything else. But now, it was flooding back to her. The dank living room with the television always turned on to Law and Order: SVU, the kitchen with the broken sink, the backyard with the dog that scared her, playing Teddy Sebastian with the baby.

“Baby P…” she breathed out, and nearly choked on her words. “Son of a…”

She fished her keys out of her pocket and got in her bug, her tires screeching on the pavement as she sped towards the courthouse. She felt numb all over as she drove, the vision of the blood dripping down from the bed, not understanding as a child, but realizing all to clearly now that “Mommy’s” body had clearly been part of the disarray on the bed.

She’d been in the room with a dead person. A person who had met a very violent end. And she was supposed to join her. However, these thoughts didn’t panic her like she thought they would. Instead, she felt a dullness envelope her mind, overtake her emotions in a calming lull. It soothed her, because she recognized it. This was what she did, this was what she was good at: numbing the pain. She was slightly out of practice. Regina had seen to that. But she was realizing that the skill was still intact, like hopping on a bike for the first time in twenty years.

The numbness protected her all the way to the bottom floor or the courthouse, where the jail held all of Emma’s clientele and more. She filled out the proper paperwork, emptied her pockets, waited in line. All calmly. All with a dull sense of nothingness as she finally sat in the chair, a window and phone in front of her, and waited. She stared into nothing as she sat, her mind sticking pieces of the puzzle back together.

_Find that fucking kid._

_The baby crying._

Fuck.

She was snapped out of her oblivion as Peter Gold sat down and picked up the phone. The look on his face was unpleasant, and he looked skinnier than Emma remembered him. She picked up the phone, but didn’t say anything. She just stared at him, and he stared back. A tiny part of her wondered if there really was much she could say, any questions that he could answer. But she managed to nod herself back into detective mode, and finally spoke. “Baby P,” she said, realizing that her voice was low and lifeless, a cruel effect of her experiences was making her feel and sound almost inhuman. “You’re Baby P.”

Peter Gold smiled then. An unkind smile as he huffed a tiny laugh, and sat back in his chair, the phone held lazily in his hand. “Figured that out, have you?” His voice sounded canned on the line. “Rob told me who you were. Small world, isn’t it?”

Emma finally felt a tiny prick of life stuck back into her. Where her skin had felt big and numb was starting to tingle. Where her voice had flattened, it began to take shape again. Her suspicions were forming into realities in her head, and the sweat that she had soaked her body not long ago started to make her shiver again. “How…?”

Peter stopped smiling then, and gave her an intent stare. “Look, if you’re going to ask me questions about the murder, I can’t help you there. I was a baby, and I wasn’t ever told much. You probably know more than me.”

Emma shook her head. “Only pieces. All I remember…Your brother was there.”

Peter nodded. “He came later. He found her. Found me.”

Emma shook her head. “No. He killed her. He tried to kill me.”

At that, Peter’s face broke out into a genuinely amused smile, and he began laughing. It sounded like a crow cackling on the cheap jail phone. “Are you out of your mind? It’s because of Rob either of us are still alive. My mother was a drug addict and a whore. She made a lot of enemies. Somebody finally came to collect, and you and I got caught in the cross hairs. That’s it. Rob and my father were always coming over to make sure she didn’t kill me herself by forgetting to feed me or letting me play with knives. They came over that day to check on me, and low and behold, the bitch got herself killed.”

Emma winced. “She was your mother…”

“She was a whore,” he said through grit teeth. “She didn’t give a damn about me, or you. She took you in for the money, and spent every dime of it on heroin.”

Emma was about to say something, but shut her mouth. She went back to her memories, old and new, and broke up the pieces she had previously put together. With the new information, she started to try and make them click together in different ways. So she was fostered by a lady with a baby. Somebody came to the house and killed her. Emma and the baby were there, but Emma hid. Then Rob came to get the baby, and found the scene. It made sense. She tried to find bigger pieces, tried to remember more, but it simply wasn’t there.

Emma swallowed, her throat feeling like sandpaper. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Peter’s brows furrowed, and he twisted his face in confusion at her. “Why?”

To her horror, she felt an uncomfortable sting in her eyes, and with great effort, she said in a shaky voice. “I remember you. As a baby. We used to play. With your stuffed bear.”

The look on Peter’s face was unreadable. He stared at her, mouth agape. She realized then that any connection she had felt with this boy had been completely one-sided. He didn’t remember her. How could he? He hadn’t even been walking yet. _She_ hadn’t remembered him until that day. The tragedy was that anything and everything from her childhood was nothing but a collection of fleeting memories that belonged to a little lost girl and nobody else. Nobody else cared to have them of her. She’d been nobody. Nothing and nobody. It was time to numb it again, time to let the past die. She remembered then why she had worked so hard to let them die in the first place: because feeling them was far too painful. It was better to not feel at all.

“I shouldn’t have come here,” she whispered, and though she heard him start to protest, she hung the phone up and left without once looking back at him.

***

When she heard the door open, a smile instantly spread on Regina’s face, and she went into the entryway to meet up with her girlfriend. But her smile died the moment she looked at Emma. She was standing in the doorway, her keys and jacket frozen in her hands. Her face was pale, her hair frazzled, and she was sweating all over. But the worst part was her eyes. Usually green and bright, curious and always so expressive, were sunken in and dull. She didn’t even seem to register that Regina had come to meet her.

“Emma?” Regina took a careful step forward, and when Emma met her eyes, a heavy weight came down on her chest. “What’s wrong?” She came towards Emma, and took her jacket and keys out of her hands, putting them on the entryway hutch and taking Emma’s arm. The moment she did, she felt heat on her skin, and gasped. Putting a hand up to Emma’s forehead, she felt cold sweat and scorching skin. “Baby, you’re burning up,” she gasped.

Emma seemed to go even whiter at that, and Regina saw her swallow as a bead of sweat rolled down her temple. “I…” but Emma didn’t seem to be able to finish. She looked at Regina with those dull eyes, clearly not sure how to step forward, move forward, do anything that required continuing on. Standing closer to Emma, she could smell stale sweat on her, and her mind raced at the fears of what had happened at Emma’s session with Archie. But it was clear that she simply could not ask those questions right now. Emma looked about ready to break. She didn’t need to be interrogated, she needed to be taken care of.

“Okay,” Regina said in a soothing tone, rubbing up and down Emma’s arms. Emma was trembling, but didn’t seem to be registering any type of cold. “How about I run you a nice, warm bath, hm?”

When Emma didn’t respond in any way, Regina simply took her hand and led her into the back of the apartment and to the bathroom. She made quick work of getting the faucet to the right temperature, and then went to help Emma undress, who hadn’t made any movements to attempt to do it herself. She was simply staring off into space, dark circles under her eyes making the paleness of her face seem more ghoulish. It sent alarm bells all over Regina, who gingerly took hold of Emma’s sweater to lift it over her head. Emma was helpful, moving her arms and shifting her legs when Regina removed her pants. She stood shivering for a moment as Regina put the discarded clothes in the bathroom hamper, and then wrapped her up in a hug. Emma sunk into it, lowering her head to Regina’s shoulder as she was held. Regina felt the tremors running through Emma’s body, going down her spine. Her skin was clammy and hot all at once. “C’mon, love,” Regina coaxed gently, leading Emma to the tub, who stepped in and let out a little involuntary sigh as the water enveloped her body. “That’s it,” Regina smiled as she helped Emma sit down.

Turning off the faucet, Regina grabbed a washcloth and dipped it in the water. She brought it up to run it over Emma’s shoulders, and Emma let out another calm breath, bringing her knees up and hugging herself, resting her head there. She closed her eyes, and Regina brought the cloth up to the back of Emma’s neck. “My little girl,” she purred. “Do you feel sick?”

Emma shook her head slightly against her knees. “No. Just tired.”

Nodding, Regina continued her mantra of running the washcloth over Emma’s smooth back, shoulders, arms. Emma looked half asleep as her head rested on her knees, hardly moving. Regina put her free hand on Emma’s cheek and Emma’s eyes opened to look at her. That sunken, hollow face, pale and tired. It broke Regina’s heart, but she simply helped Emma lean back so that she could wash down her chest and tummy. She continued wiping Emma down with the warm water for a while longer until all of Emma had been lightly scrubbed. Pulling the plug on the water and helping Emma up, she toweled her down and then wrapped her up in it, bringing Emma into a hug. Emma seemed completely pliable in her arms, uninterested in anything around her. Regina kissed the top of her head. “Have you eaten, sweetheart?”

“No,” Emma whispered, her voice dull. Regina wanted to ask what the hell had happened to make Emma this lifeless, but she focused on the basic needs first.

“Alright,” she said. “Let’s get you dressed, and then we’ll get something to eat.”

To her surprise, Emma actually showed emotion then, and pulled away to shake her head. “I don’t want to eat anything,” she said to the ground.

Regina gave her a little smile, and ran a hand over Emma’s cheek. “I know, baby. But you’re going to anyway. Come on.”

Emma gave a short whine at that, but allowed Regina to dress her and lead her into the kitchen. Regina sat her at the table, and took some homemade applesauce out of the fridge. It wasn’t much, but she just wanted something in Emma’s stomach. Coming back to the table, she sat next to Emma and brought a small spoonful of the applesauce to Emma’s lips.

Emma denied it, turning her face away and closing her eyes.

“Emma,” Regina used a stern voice, not taking the spoon away from near Emma’s mouth. “Give me five bites. And then you’re done.”

Emma turned her head back just a little, and gave Regina a look that seemed to wonder if Regina was telling the truth or not. But instead, she said: “Don’t you want to know what happened with Archie today?”

Regina smiled a little at that. “Yes, I do. But you’re not ready to tell me, are you?”

Emma opened her mouth to say something, but then didn’t, seeming to think over her words before she chose them. Regina took the opportunity to pop the spoon into Emma’s mouth. A moan of displeasure came out of Emma, but she closed her lips around the spoon anyway, and took the bite.

“Good girl,” Regina praised. “Four more.”

“It’s bad, Regina,” she finally said after swallowing, and she brought her hands up to her face and rubbed. “It’s really, really bad.”

Regina put the bowl and the spoon down, and gently took Emma’s wrists to unhide her face. “Emma, listen to me. Whatever it is, you’re not alone. Okay? Whatever it is, I’m here with you. And so is Ruby and August and Mary Margaret. We’re all here.” A tear spilled from Emma’s eyes, and Regina felt a surprising relief wash over her. Finally, an emotion. “Come here,” she coaxed Emma into her arms, and Emma nearly sank to the floor as she was held, painful sobs finally escaping her as she clutched Regina tightly.

Rubbing up and down Emma’s back, Regina whispered in her ear. “How would you like to spend Thanksgiving with me this weekend? We’ll drive up to Maine. You can meet Zelena.”

Emma seemed to stop mid-sob, and brought herself up to look at Regina. “Really?” she sniffed, her eyes huge. The offer seemed to pull her out of her pit of despair.

Regina smiled widely as she wiped away a tear from Emma’s cheek with her thumb. “Yes. I was planning on making an excuse to not go, but I think actually that it would do both you and I a great bit of good to get out of town for a few days. What do you say?”

“I’d be meeting your mom too, huh?”

Regina couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes. Trust me, it’ll take your mind off of all of this.”

Emma joined her in laughter, and started to dry her eyes. “Will she hate me?”

“As if that were possible. Besides, I’d take it as a compliment if I were you. However no, my mother is a lot of things, but hateful is not one of them.”

Regina could see the wheels in Emma’s head turning as she thought about it. After a huge sigh, she said, “okay, yeah. Let’s do it. I gotta clear my head.”

Regina picked the bowl up and spooned another bit of applesauce to bring to Emma’s lips. “Plenty of fresh air for that in Storybrooke.”

After Emma swallowed the bite of applesauce, she arched her brow at Regina. “Storybrooke? Seriously?”

“Mmhm,” Regina giggled. “I know. Don’t even say it.”

Emma finished her last bite, and then made a face as if she literally couldn’t stomach any more. “I think I need to go lay down,” she said quietly, and Regina noted that even though the food had brought a little color back into Emma’s cheeks, she still looked very pale.

Bringing her hand back up to Emma’s forehead, she felt that she was still warm. “Are you sure you don’t feel sick?”

Emma shook her head. “I’m just tired. Really.”

“Well, I’m giving you Aspirin anyway,” Regina fetched her some water and the medicine from the kitchen, and when Emma had gulped it down, Regina guided her into the bedroom and pulled the covers down. Emma crawled in and Regina noted that she was being watched intently as she took off her day’s work clothes and dressed herself in only pajama bottoms. Coming back to the bed Regina crawled in next to Emma and pulled her in.

Emma inhaled deeply through her nose, and pressed her face into Regina’s bare chest. Her arm came around Regina and clutched tightly at her waist. Regina raked her fingers through Emma’s hair, and kissed the top of her head, guiding Emma down to her breast. “Come on, love,” she whispered.

Emma latched on to Regina’s breast, another sigh escaping her as she began to suckle from Regina’s nipple. She felt Emma’s body begin to relax as she nursed, her arm losing its grip around Regina’s waist and her hand coming down to rub the breast she was attached to.

Regina loved it when Emma massaged her breast as she nursed. It seemed to ground her, add to the serenity of the moment. When they were locked together like this, all of the weight of the day, of their lives, seemed to float away, go somewhere else. This was just theirs, it belonged only to them. Regina felt a pleasant chill go down her spine as Emma hummed as she suckled, and she brought the covers up and over them, cocooning them further. “Mama’s here,” Regina answered the tiny hum, and Emma’s brows furrowed, eyes fighting to stay away. Regina brought her hand down to rub the small of Emma’s back all the way down to the back of her thighs. “My little love,” she cooed. “Close your eyes, baby. Mama will keep you safe. All night.”

Emma’s eyes began to pool then, gazing up at Regina and looking so lost, even though she was tethered to Regina by her warm sucking. Regina knew that even though Emma was tired, she was afraid to go to sleep. So many nightmares had interrupted her as of late, and whatever had happened in Archie’s office would probably not help. She bent down to kiss Emma on the forehead. “I’m right here, Emma. You’re alright.” She continued shushing Emma until those eyes simply couldn’t fight anymore. They closed, red-rimmed and watery, and Emma’s fingers dug just a little too hard on Regina’s breast as they did. It was a common last resort to stay awake, and Regina knew it well by now. She grabbed hold of the hand and kissed its knuckles, continuing to make shushing noises until the fight completely left Emma. Lips still suckling on a hard nipple, tongue desperately lapping, they slowly eased their mantra as Emma’s body became lax in Regina’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are starting to get somewhere with the Gold family. Next chapter will be some new development for Emma and Regina. =)  
> Thank you for the amazing comments and kudos this past week. Don't forget to say hi!


	16. Storybrooke Part 1

The air in the room felt so still. Only the noises of traffic down below left any signs that there was life happening. Regina was frozen in her seat at the dining room table, hands nearly burning as they clutched her coffee meg. She was staring intently at the top of Emma’s head, who was seated in front of her, eyes on the ground. Regina was sure her heart had stopped, and she wasn’t convinced it had caught up to its usual palpitations.

A murder. Emma had witnessed a murder. Her little one, good-natured and starved for attention, yet guarded and feisty, had seen something so horrific as a child that she had completely blocked it out. Emma hadn’t even remembered the house, the woman who had fostered her. Vague memories of being around a baby had taken shape to actually amount to a real-life event, but before had been nothing but flashes of images.

Now Emma sat in front of her, explaining the tiny fragments she had fit together, theorizing over the holes in the story that she was missing. “I wanna go back under,” she finally said, and Regina felt her head shake as an immediate reaction.

“Emma, god…no.”

Emma looked up then, and the dead eyes from the night before were more rested, a little livelier, but still haunted. Never having suppressed such horrific events, Regina couldn’t understand the struggle, but knew that face. That was the face of a determined Emma. One that fought to get what she wanted. “I have to,” she argued, sighing. “I still need answers. Like how the hell did I get out of there?”

Regina closed her eyes. She knew that Emma was right and wasn’t going to rest until she had the answers, but the idea of her going through that experience again sent off alarm bells in every protective cell in Regina’s body. If it were up to her, she’d throw the whole thing into the Harbor to be swept out to sea. She couldn’t stomach Emma reliving the trauma, but reality wouldn’t allow for any other way. She knew that. She just had a fleeting moment of wishful thinking that she could wipe away all of the pain while she found herself conceding with a nod, and placed a hand on Emma’s knee. “I’m sorry, baby.” She heard the break in her last word, and Emma’s hand came down on her own. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve gotta call August,” Emma sniffed and stood up, and Regina could see that she was making a huge effort to keep herself intact. It took every ounce of strength for Regina to not grab hold of her and wrap her in comfort, but Emma clearly needed to gather herself. “We met up with a friend at the sheriff’s station. I asked him to look up some records. Maybe if I give him what information I’ve got, he can narrow his search.”

Regina said nothing as Emma walked down the hall to grab her phone, coffee hardly touched and forgotten on the table. Emma had slept fitfully through the night, tossing and whimpering several times until Regina had managed to wake her and calm her down. They hadn’t had a conversation about when Emma was going home yet, but the idea of her sleeping by herself made Regina uneasy. Of course, that begged a different question: what were they going to do about Emma’s night terrors? According to Emma, she had rarely had any in her life, but they were now a constant thanks to the situation they found themselves in.

Along with the sleeping problems, something was off about Emma. She was quiet and aloof, two things that weren’t very common for her when it was just the two of them. She seemed to be miles away, and still hadn’t touched any food or drink since Regina had made her eat just a few bites of applesauce the previous evening. That had been hours and hours ago. Whatever fever she had had the previous evening had gone, which Regina realized must have been from mild shock. It tore at her heart. If she were completely honest with herself, there were too many things at play for her to fix. Emma needed to go back to Archie and talk about all of this. However, right now, they were planning on leaving town.

Emma was gone for a long time as Regina fixed a small portion of banana cinnamon oatmeal, straightened up the kitchen and poured their coffees out. She left the oatmeal to cool on the counter and went back to the bedroom to check on Emma, who was stuffing her suitcase full of random clothes and items she had brought over the previous week. She was cursing and pulling things back out and re-balling them to try again. Despite everything, Regina chuckled. “Give me that,” she chided as she scooted Emma out of the way to bring the suitcase on top of the bed. She opened it up and began rearranging Emma’s clothes, folding them neatly. “Why don’t you go get your things out of the bathroom to pack, hm?”

Emma’s shoulders slumped, but she did was she was told, disappearing and then reappearing with her toothbrush, hairbrush, and makeup bag. By the time she did, Regina had managed to fit everything into neat little squares in Emma’s suitcase. “It all fits if you do it right,” Regina winked at Emma as she put the bathroom items into the suitcase, and then brought her girlfriend into a hug.

Emma sighed and rested her head on Regina’s shoulder, seeming ready to fall asleep where she stood. Regina swayed them from side to side as she placed a kiss to Emma’s temple. “Are you sure you want to go? Maybe it’s just one more thing to be nervous about on top of everything else.” she whispered.

She felt Emma shake her head and heard her mumble that she really wanted to go, and she broke them apart. “Emma, look at me,” she commanded gently as she lifted Emma’s chin with tender fingers. Emma’s eyes had that lost look again, and Regina answered it with a smile. “We’re going to figure this out. It’s going to be alright.”

***

Emma didn’t respond, but pressed her lips together as she looked at that smile on Regina’s face. Assuring. She was so pure in her conviction that she was going to help make this okay. And Emma felt a whirl in her head that almost flattened her with dizziness. Because she felt that assuredness of Regina’s conviction just by listening to her words, just by looking into her eyes and seeing how much Regina cared. She let it envelope her like a warm blanket. As long as Regina was assured, she could feel confident that everything would turn out alright.

And that’s what dizzied her. _We’re going to figure this out_. We. This wasn’t just Emma’s problem. Regina was there with her. And Emma had to be honest with herself: she wanted to fall into that. She wanted to let it all go. She wanted to just drop it off at the corner, at least for a little while, and come back to it later. Let it fall to the back of her mind. It was all too heavy right now, and she was tired. She was tired of having it on her shoulders. She was tired of feeling confused about it, and trying to put the puzzle pieces together.

Emma didn’t realize she was rubbing her eyes with a fist until she heard Regina chuckle. “Somebody’s still tired.”

The tenor in Regina’s voice sealed the deal. Let Regina help reassure her, let Regina take the pain away. It felt so good to hear her soothing voice; it sounded so right in Emma’s head. If anything was going to make her worries fall to the wayside, it was going to be her mama. “Not tired,” she mumbled.

She was. However, not the type of tired that she wanted to fall asleep to. The type of tired that made her want to cry. Or scream. She wasn’t sure which one, but either way, both sounded pretty good.

A hand went through her hair, and Emma turned her face into the touch. “You can sleep in the car a little later. Right now, you need something in your tummy,” Regina said, and Emma immediately pulled away from the hand.

“Not hungry,” she said, and realized that her words were muffled by fingers breaching the entrance of her mouth. Their familiar shape lulled a bit of her previous anxiety, and it felt so good, she sucked them in further.

The experience was short lived, however when her hand was taken away. “It’s not an option, Emma. Let’s go have some breakfast.”

Emma made a sound that was a mixture of a squeal and low growl, but it was completely ignored by a patient hand that tangled their fingers together as Emma was led out of the bedroom. She took the opportunity to put her other hand up to her mouth, and she sucked on her fingers as she was led into the kitchen, where Regina hoisted her on the counter and gave her raised eyebrows once she saw what Emma was doing. She didn’t look mad, however. She placed herself in between Emma’s legs and brushed Emma’s cheek with her knuckles. “Milk or orange juice?”

Emma felt her lips tug up. She hadn’t been given the option of orange juice before. “Juice!”

Regina nodded. “No more fingers, and you can have your choice.”

Emma slumped then, scolding herself for not foreseeing the catch. But she nodded, and took her fingers out of her mouth. “Kay.”

It was worth it though, because her answer made Regina happy. And she liked making Regina happy. It felt good. Regina hadn’t been happy lately. Too stressed. And it was her fault, so she needed to make up for that. But did it feel good enough to agree to put that spoon in her mouth? Regina was holding up something that looked like gross oatmeal, but smelled like bananas. Emma liked bananas, but you don’t eat them off a spoon. She was so deep in thought that she jumped when she heard her name. “Seven bites,” a very instructive voice.

“ _Seven_!?” Emma’s mouth dropped open at the indignity of it. She was not hungry enough to have seven bites of anything, but her gaping mouth left her vulnerable, and the spoon was popped in quickly. Squealing indignantly, she closed her mouth around it, and was surprised at the taste. She didn’t like oatmeal. Oatmeal was lumpy and tasted like horses smelled. But this…this wasn’t just any old oatmeal. This was Mama’s oatmeal! This tasted like cinnamon and sugar and warm milk and it was smooth and creamy. Did everything Regina touch turn to gold?

Emma couldn’t help it; she threw her arms around Regina’s neck and held her in a bear hug. So warm. Regina was so warm, and always willing to accept Emma’s hugs. No matter what. She felt a surprised laugh rumble through the body she held onto, and just for a moment, a small moment, she was sure she wasn’t going to let go.

“Come on, Little One,” still chuckling, Regina made Emma release her hold, but not before peppering Emma’s face with kisses. “Six more bites.”

No problem! Emma opened willingly for the next bite, and delighted in the taste before she swallowed and bumped her heels on the counters behind her legs. If this was what real oatmeal was supposed to taste like, she could have it every day. Well, unless Regina was making her sourdough pancakes, that was.

Emma found inspiration to have more of an appetite, and she accepted every bite given to her by a patient hand. It felt good to be fed. That was surprising. It was such a simple thing, but Emma was realizing more and more that the simpler the task that was done for her, the better it felt. She watched as the deep brown eyes seemed to shine brighter with every bite she accepted. She saw the tiny smile uplift that adoring face, the scar on her mama’s upper lip deepen as she did. She felt a heaviness in her chest as she saw the joy she was feeling being shared on Regina’s face. But the heaviness wasn’t a bad feeling. It was a good one. As if her heart was being filled up with that glowing warmth that only ever came from Regina. This felt so much better than worrying about all that other stuff.

After the last bite, and the bowl was taken to the sink. Emma pursed her lips and called as Regina opened the fridge to get the juice. “Mama?”

Mama turned around to answer with that smile that was only assigned to Emma. She’d never seen her use it with anybody else. And she only ever used it with Emma when Emma was in her arms. In her littlest moments. It was strange to be receiving it now. But Mama must have known something she didn’t. “Yes?”

Emma fidgeting with her fingers then, staring at them as she said: “Maybe…maybe I’ll have milkies instead.”

“Are you sure?” the knowing smile grew.

“Mmhm,” Emma kept fidgeting.

Mama came to her then, putting a hand on her cheek. Emma felt it all the way in her tummy, glowing and warm. She felt really different. Like how she sometimes felt when she was super tired, and Mama was holding her or giving her a bath. Like when she felt really safe and comfy. A thumb caressed her cheek, and Emma couldn’t help bringing her hand up to her mouth, tapping her teeth with her finger as she gave Mama her best puppy dog eyes. And she didn’t even know why. She didn’t even know what she wanted. She just knew she wanted to be close to her mama.

So she put her arms out. She was rewarded by being embraced in their warmth instantly, Mama petting her hair. She felt lips press up next to her ear, and a sweet and low voice whispered to her. “Hello, baby girl.”

Emma felt that glowing in her tummy grow in response. It was like a magic switch being flipped in her head. One moment, the other her was on the sidelines, watching, even making snide comments. The next, a door was closed on that person. It felt strange. She’d never been alone without the other Emma before. The voice was always there, even if just a little bit. But now she couldn’t hear it. Her mind was totally focused on one thing, and she squeezed harder on Mama’s neck. “Milk, please,” she mumbled, and received a chuckle and a kiss to her ear in response. It buzzed through her, and she felt herself being led to the couch. She didn’t want to let go of the arms holding her, but she was left there anyway. A frown tightened her face, and she sucked on her fingers to wait as Mama went back to the kitchen. She tried very hard not to protest being left alone. “Mama? Please?” she called, feeling a shiver go down her spine.

The words must have been magic, because there was Mama, coming to sit with her. She crawled into the familiar lap, arms coming around her. This place. This was the best place in the world. Mama’s smell overtook her senses, the feel of her body so familiar now that she felt a safety protect her as she pressed her face into the warm chest. She felt a hand come down at pat her bottom, and she let out a little sigh, grabbing hold of Mama’s shirt so she wouldn’t float away. She felt she was being shifted down by strong arms until she was cradled in them, and she felt something being pressed against her lips.

Reflexively, she opened and encircled the nipple, taking a long suck. Warm milk flooding into her mouth, and her eyes rolled and closed. She pressed further against the warm body, knuckles tightening on the shirt, drawing as much of the milk out as she could. She felt a soothing pressure on the small of her back, and opened her eyes to the voice speaking to her. “Slow down, Emma.” Sweet and gentle, lighthearted. She loved that voice. That voice could move mountains. Emma eased up on the bottle, letting smaller amounts of milk fall on her tongue as she stared up at attentive eyes. She held the gaze as she suckled, feeling herself falling further and further. “That’s my girl.” Emma smiled around the nipple as she was praised, milk sliding easily onto her tongue. So soothing.

But soon, she was gulping air, and Emma twisted her face away from the nipple to try and remove it from her mouth. An expert hand removed it after seeing the displeasure. Emma didn’t like it when the bottle started to empty, and she sucked in air. It made her tummy feel weird when she swallowed it. Her milk was gone, but she didn’t feel ready to stop. She loosened her hand on Mama’s shirt, and instead brought it to cup the breast she was closest to. It felt strangely firmer than it normally did, as Mama’s breasts were always like soft clouds that she could snuggle into. Nuzzling it and applying pressure like she always did when she wanted to nurse, she started when she felt the body underneath her jump, and Mama let out a surprised hiss.

Emma’s eyes shot open, almost immediately smarting when she saw discomfort on the previously serene face that had been watching her. A startling awareness seeped into her thoughts, and a sharp pain stabbed her chest at the abruptness of it. At the same time that she winced from the shock, she brought her hand up to Regina’s face and cupped her cheek.

Before she could say anything, Regina recovered. A smile, though clearly forced, crossed her features, and she took Emma’s hand to kiss it. “It’s alright. Mama’s just sore there right now.” She sounded surprised, and Emma felt more uneasiness settle in the pit of her stomach. Why was she sore? Emma was about to try and sit up, but it was immediately dashed by a reassuring hand. “Sshh,” she heard Regina’s soft assurances, felt caresses on her cheek, and she knew that Regina had seen the other Emma climbing back up, eager to check the situation, trying to make sure everything was okay. “Stay with me, Little One,” those incredible whispers.

Emma swallowed, feeling her chest still sting, the other voice ringing in her head. But they were ebbing away. The voice speaking to her, the arms holding her…she was slipping again. “Don’t want you to hurt,” she sighed.

***

Regina felt her heart swell, and leaned down to touch noses with her little one. She wasn’t very concerned about her breast feeling sore. That happened just before she started her cycle. However, it was a bit early for that. “Just be gentle, baby.” Regina unbuttoned her shirt, and released her breasts from her bra. It felt much more freeing than normal, and she actually let out an audible sigh of relief. But the real relief came when Emma latched on. That incredible serenity of being this close to Emma washed over her, but also a physical release she hadn’t been expecting. The first suckle from Emma’s soft little tongue made her sigh out loud once again as a strange new sensation hit her, and she brought a hand to touch Emma’s cheek. “Good gentle, darling,” she crooned, closing her eyes at the feeling of relief as Emma’s lips gently pressed down on her nipple as she tugged lightly. She wasn’t familiar with it, but she absolutely loved the way it felt.

A surprised mewl from her little one made Regina open her eyes, and she felt the loss of Emma’s soothing suckles as she looked down. A shot of concern shattered the tranquility of the moment as she saw Emma’s eyes as wide as saucers, mouth agape and staring at Regina’s breast. “Emma? Are you alright?”

Emma didn’t seem to hear her, and for a moment, Regina thought she was flashing back to another memory. But then something caught her eye. She saw an opaque droplet form on the dark peak of her nipple, and drop down, hitting Emma’s shoulder. For a moment, she thought she had seen wrong, until another droplet began to form and follow the previous one.

Regina almost forgot where she was and what she was doing as she processed what she was seeing. Her mind reeled as she started doing the math in her head of how long and often she had been nursing. The tightness in her breasts suddenly seemed to feel magnified as realization hit her. She felt her head shake slightly at her idiocy for not seeing this coming, but a different thought overlapped that one, and she finally remembered the woman in her lap who hadn’t moved at all. She cupped Emma’s cheek. “It’s alright,” her voice sounded oddly reassuring. It _was_ alright. It had come as a shock, but she didn’t have any negative feelings towards it either. Just the opposite, in fact. When she realized that, her eyes began to smart, and she smiled down at Emma, who looked up at her with large worried eyes.

“Alright?” A little voice mixed with a big one. Emma was in between; feeling the aftershock of Regina’s caregiving, but also being knocked back into herself with confusion and concern. “What’s happening?”

Regina’s smile widened, and she sat Emma up so that they were facing each other. Emma’s legs were over her own, and she rubbed them soothingly as Emma kept her focus on the breast she had been attached to, tenderly touching it with careful fingers as if it was glass. “You’ve been nursing for weeks now, my love. It was bound to happen.”

Emma finally met her eyes, and her brows were furrowed, completely confused. “What was?”

Regina pressed her lips together, gaging Emma’s reaction. It calmed her own nerves, as Emma always managed to amuse her when she was thrown off course by something. She leaned forward and kissed Emma softly, who she was happy to see fall into the kiss. She chuckled a little bit, both at Emma’s clear loss for words and at the fact that she could distract her with something as simple as pressing their lips together. She lingered for a long moment, realizing that Emma’s breath smelled vaguely of sweet milk. “Even without giving birth, we have the ability to produce milk, as long as our body is getting the signals to do so.”

Emma looked down, and brought a nervous thumb to very lightly graze the tip of Regina’s nipple. A shiver went down Regina’s spine, and she fought not to let the very slight feeling overtake her. Following Emma’s gaze, she saw a milky drop run down Emma’s thumb. “You mean…” she stopped, and Regina saw the wonder in her eyes that couldn’t take their gaze away from where her thumb was resting.

Regina felt that glow in her chest, the overwhelming feeling that came over her when Emma looked so vulnerable, so beautiful. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Emma’s head, whispering near her ear, which always earned her a beautiful reaction. “I mean that if you want, there is milk for you.” As predicted, Emma gave a little tremble, and sunk further into Regina’s embrace. “Should we think about it first?”

Emma looked up at her then. “Think about it?”

Regina smiled. “Yes. I need to do some research, but my understanding is that if we want this, we have to stick to a schedule.”

Emma’s face was impossible to read. She swallowed as she looked back down, taking her hand away and placing it in one of Regina’s. “Does it hurt? You seemed really uncomfortable.”

“It’s more of a pressure. It went away when you were nursing.” Regina brought their hands up, and kissed Emma’s knuckles.

A littler voice answered her. “It tasted…sweet.”

Regina continued to kiss her knuckles, and felt her face turn hot at Emma’s words.

“Can I…?” Emma’s voice trailed off, and Regina looked up to see that Emma’s own face was bright pink. It sent signals through Regina’s body: a mixture of adoration, arousal, and something else, a feeling that only belonged to Emma that Regina had yet to categorize. It took the shape of protectiveness and love, but she was at a loss of what else. However, that seemed to be all she needed, her eyes misting over as she watched Emma’s face, and she answered by allowing Emma to lay back down and rest her head on the crook of Regina’s arm. “Yes, baby. You can.”

Emma looked cautious at first, her hand coming up to rest gingerly on Regina’s breast before she locked her lips around the darkened peak. Two things happened once she gave one slow and careful suck: her eyes rolled into the back of her head and closed, and Regina felt a wave of release of some of that pressure. It was an indescribable feeling. The calm that always flowed over Regina when Emma suckled increased tenfold, the sensation almost overwhelming. She could feel an incredible euphoria as the milk left her breast, and just looking at Emma attached made it all the more intense. Emma looked absolutely stunning, her cheeks hollowing out as she took careful sucks at first before boldening to her usual pressure to actually get the milk out. Regina’s hand that had been caressing Emma’s bottom came up to her breast where she could feel that more milk needed to be released, and she massaged the side.

Emma peeked her eyes open and when she saw what Regina was doing, moved her hand to follow Regina’s example. As soon as Emma’s hand took charge, Regina sat back and fully relaxed, releasing her breast to caress Emma’s cheek with her knuckles. “Emma…” she moaned, and she knew that both of them could hear the tone mixed with arousal and serenity.

Wet suckling answered her, followed by a low moan that vibrated through her breast and into her tummy. She bit her lip as she felt a tingling in her core. It was a strange feeling: she knew she should have more on her mind with this revelation of actually being able to produce milk, but the physical action was so comforting that she couldn’t bring herself to have any worries.

And she was realizing that Emma was feeling the same as she looked on to that peaceful face, nuzzling into her breast and breathing calmly in between tiny swallows of milk. The pressure Regina felt was all but gone, and Emma’s suckling was producing less and less. Putting a finger in between herself and Emma’s lips, she guided Emma to release. The relaxing sensation reversed, and Regina came back to herself slightly as did Emma, who looked up at her with a wounded expression.

She smiled down, and coaxed Emma to switch sides on her lap. “Come on, love,” she brought Emma down to her other breast, and practiced lips closed around as a hand came up to massage. The feeling came back to her, and she combed a loving hand through Emma’s hair as she nursed. Emma didn’t last long, however. As the pressure in Regina’s breast released, she felt Emma’s lips lose their grip, her tongue stopped its gentle lapping. She fell asleep just as the last of the milk ran out.

***

Regina was feeling pretty proud of herself: she had managed to finish packing, load up the car, wake Emma, and get her ready all in time for them to get to Maine with daylight to spare. They picked up coffee and muffins to go, and as they drove through several toll roads, Emma stared down at her phone, reading intently.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Regina remarked, sipping her coffee. They had just passed the state line into New Hampshire, and Emma hadn’t said much of anything since they had left that early afternoon.

Emma looked to Regina, and gave a shy smile. “Sorry,” she said in a meek voice. “Just a lot on my mind.”

Regina sighed to herself. “Anything you want to talk about?”

But Emma went back to her phone, and shrugged. “I’m just reading on a case right now. Got an email this morning about it.”

“Well, when you’re done, I’d like some company,” Regina replied kindly.

That made Emma hit a button on her phone and put it down. “Sorry,” she repeated.

Regina put her to go mug in the car holder and ran a hand through Emma’s hair. “Don’t be sorry. Just talk to me. How are you, my love? Are you okay about this morning?”

The question warranted more emotion out of Emma, but only just. “Are _you_ okay about this morning?” she quipped.

Regina hummed a bit in response, and took her hand away to take another sip of her coffee. Though she had been shocked by the incident, once that wore away, she couldn’t bring herself to be unhappy about it. The idea that she could provide something as simple and nurturing to Emma was just about the best way she could think to express her devotion for caring for Emma, but there was another side of her that was worried about it. And that worry was coming from right next to her. The question, for her, wasn’t if she was okay with it. It was whether or not Emma was okay with it. “I’m alright, love. But as I said before, we have a decision to make.”

“What do you mean?”

Regina could see out of the corner of her eyes that Emma’s were large and weary. “My understanding is that if we want to continue, we need to be diligent about nursing times, and if we don’t want to continue, we need to stop altogether.” She put her coffee back down and took one of Emma’s hands. It was cold to the touch, and Regina made a mental note to bundle Emma up in a warmer jacket and some gloves once they got to Storybrooke. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

Emma squeezed back, which helped reassure Regina just a bit. “Why are you sorry?” Emma asked.

“Because I can tell that you are worried about it, and I don’t want you to be.”

Emma sighed and looked back out the window. The landscape was sprinkled orange, yellow, and red with the colors of Autumn. “How soon will we get there?”

Regina chuckled, “a little over an hour, and we will continue our conversation later.” When Emma looked over at her, Regina winked, and gained a little smile and a blush.

“How often do you come see your sister?”

“Not as often as I’d like. We’re both so busy. I try to go down to New York every few months. Zelena tries the same.”

“What about your mom?” Emma asked cautiously. While Regina went on and on about her sister and father, she rarely spoke about her mother.

“Mother keeps to herself mostly. She does insist on holidays spent together, but she rarely comes to New York or Boston. We have to go to her.”

“What’s Storybrooke like, anyway?”

“It’s a tiny town. About twenty thousand people. It’s a little fishing community. Beautiful, but cold as hell. Mother’s the mayor.”

Emma nearly spat out her coffee. “The _mayor_!?”

Regina chuckled. “I told you, Mother is New England aristocracy.”

Emma gawked at Regina. “Holy shit…”

But Regina just laughed harder. “Relax. Mother seems intimidating, but it’s nothing to be afraid of. Besides, Zelena and I make a formidable team against her. Something tells me she’s really going to like you. You don’t have to worry about it until tomorrow, however. We aren’t staying with Mother, and we will meet up with them for an early breakfast before getting the cooking started.”

“Where are we staying?”

“A bed and breakfast in town. I thought it’d be better if we had some privacy,” she squeezed Emma’s hand again, and noted that it was warming in her own.

When they got into town, Emma’s hands pressed up against the windows to look out. It was mid evening, but the sun had yet to set despite winter fast approaching. This high up in the hemisphere made a big difference. Regina parked outside of the bed and breakfast called “Granny’s” that was hooked up to a diner. The only diner in town, actually, and Regina was excited to see Granny. The older woman had been running the diner and B&B for about as long as Regina could remember. It was a charming little establishment, typical seaside fashion and a patio for dining that was never used due to the cold weather.

When they got out, Emma was quick to jump around and make her way to the diner, but Regina grabbed hold of her. “Come here, you,” she chuckled as Emma lightly stomped a foot and huffed. But she let Regina wrap her in her warmer jacket and put a beanie on her head. However, when she tried to put gloves on Emma, she was fought.

“We’re going right inside!” Emma protested, trying to tear away from Regina’s ministrations.

Regina squinted her eyes at Emma and pulled her in for a kiss. As she suspected, Emma melted against it and kissed her back, forgetting to throw her mini tantrum. But as Regina started to pull away from the kiss, she swatted Emma’s butt, and whispered in her ear: “alright, independent girl. Go on inside.”

Emma pecked Regina fast on the lips, and scurried away before she could be caught.

***

A little bell jingled as they entered the restaurant, and Emma’s senses were nearly knocked over by the amazing smell of fried meats, freshly baked bread, and coffee. It was dimly lit with hundreds of little lights, and Emma was reminded suddenly of her first official date with Regina.

She didn’t realize she was simply standing in the doorway taking in the sights and smells until a hand came and rested on the small of her back.

“Regina!?”

Emma nearly jumped as a booming voice bellowed from behind the counter, and an older woman with the most stereotypical “Granny” style came charging towards them, hands outstretched, and Regina came from around Emma to meet the embrace. Emma saw her girlfriend nearly disappear behind wide and joyful arms, and the two women let go to kiss each other on the cheek. “My god, you look stunning!” the older woman chimed.

“Granny, you look the exact same,” Regina countered. “I’m so happy you’re the first person I saw!”

Emma heard the true happiness in Regina’s voice, and smiled to herself. It was odd thinking of the big city, dominatrix lawyer Regina in a little town like this being chummy with the locals, but as usual, Regina surprised her by fitting right in. She was snapped out of her reverie when she heard: “And who’s this beauty?”

Emma stiffened as the woman walked right up to her and put a hand on her cheek. A little surprised, but also having a hard time feeling intimidated by the doting look on Granny’s face. She relaxed more when Regina came to her side and put an arm around her waist. “This is my girlfriend, Emma.”

If Granny was surprised by Regina bringing a girl to town, she didn’t show it. In fact, her grip on Emma’s cheek tightened slightly, and she brought Emma into a hug. “Oh, you’re absolutely beautiful!” She released Emma, who breathlessly stood there, unsure of what to do with her hands. She was soon saved by Regina sliding her fingers in between Emma’s, and she felt much of the tension leave her chest. Regina always knew when she was needed, and that left a warm glow in Emma’s tummy at the thought.

Still, she felt herself blushing at the compliment, and slightly ducked her head down shyly. “Thank you. Nice to meet you.” She knew her voice sounded small, and that Regina would pick up on it, but Granny just smiled even wider.

“Bringing a lady home to meet the matriarch, hm?”

Regina laughed. “I keep telling her not to be nervous.”

Granny scoffed cheerfully at that. “Nothing to be nervous about, darlin’. Cora’s alright. In fact, I’d say the more shit she gives ya, the more she likes ya! Follow me ladies. You look like you could use some grub before I give you your key?”

“Absolutely,” Regina tugged on Emma’s hand, and she was led to a booth. When they were sat down, Granny put menus in front of them, and left them be with the promise of bringing them some water. Regina sat across from Emma, and over the table, put her hand out for Emma to take. Emma immediately obliged, and met Regina’s warm smile.

“If your mom is that nice, I don’t think I have much to be nervous about, huh?”

Regina laughed, “now that is a bit of wishful thinking.”

“So that’s not your grandmother?” Emma asked, figuring the answer since the entire establishment was actually called “Granny’s”.

Still chuckling, Regina answered. “No. That’s what everyone calls her. Nobody remembers a time without Granny here, to be honest. Would you like to know a secret?” She unclasped Emma’s hand and handed over a menu. Emma took it and opened it up. “I used to work here in the summer when I was a kid. Granny taught me a lot of my cooking skills. And that grilled cheese?” she pointed to a part on the menu. “Same as I make.”

Emma’s eyes widened, and her mouth watered just thinking about the grilled cheese with the amazing garlicky bread. “Seriously?”

Granny brought them some water and asked if they wanted anything else to drink. “Beer?” Emma asked, looking at Regina, who nodded her head, and asked Granny to bring them a couple of Pale Ales.

Emma felt herself relaxing further, and once her meal came, she was excited to see that she was going to be able to eat French fries with her sandwich as opposed to having anything green like Regina would have cooked her. Still, the grilled cheese didn’t quite add up to Regina’s cooking. Emma could tell that the ingredients were pretty much the same, but something was missing. She narrowed her eyes at Regina as she chewed. “You added something to your grilled cheese.”

Regina smirked as she took another forkful of salad, but shrugged. “You know I won’t be telling you.” Regina’s phone rang, but she pressed ignore quickly. “It’s Zelena,” she said, tapping furiously on her phone to send off a quick text. “She’s getting in late tonight. She’s staying at Mother’s.”

A cold stone sunk in the bottom of Emma’s stomach as she saw Regina wince and shift her arms. Despite Regina’s reassurance, and surprising acceptance of producing milk, Emma had been ridden with guilt since the mid-morning when Regina had woken her up from her nap. She’d done some stealth reading in the car as Regina drove, and found that there were all types of different advantages and setbacks to it. Regina could get something called mastitis, which was inflammation of her breast tissue, and that could be very painful. Suddenly her food didn’t seem so appetizing.

She was brought out of her thoughts as a hand came to brush some hair out of her eyes. “You look worried.”

Regina was smiling at her, but Emma had a hard time returning it. She nodded. “A bit, yeah.”

Sighing, Regina put her fork down. “There’s a lot happening, isn’t there?”

“Are you in pain?” Emma blurted out, and she saw the startled look on Regina’s face. “You looked uncomfortable for a second there.”

Regina’s eyes widened at that. “Is _that_ what you’re worried about?”

Emma felt her cheeks heat up, and she shrugged, looking down at the table. “Kinda.”

“Emma, look at me.” Her tone was kind, but Emma knew it was also firm. Meeting Regina’s eyes, she saw concern there, and another stab of guilt hit her. She didn’t want Regina to worry about her worrying. There were so many other things going on, it seemed silly to obsess over this particular thing. At the same time, Emma couldn’t help but feel that this was a bigger issue. For one, she and Regina had managed to build a huge trust, a dependency on each other’s comfort and affection, and it had been Emma’s rock through the difficult things that were happening. To have it interrupted by this worry was unsettling, unfair. “What are you worried about, darling?”

Emma shrugged again, but saw Regina shake her head. “No, we’re going to talk about this. Please, Emma. What is it?”

“Okay, so…I wasn’t reading an email in the car, I was reading stuff about breastfeeding,” she lowered her voice when she said the last word. “and it was talking about how you can get sick and how it can hurt and…”

“Emma,” Regina was chuckling now, and Emma looked at her incredulously as she laughed. Leave it to Regina to find light in the situation. “I’m grounding you from the internet if you’re going to get worked up over sites like WebMD. Millions of women breastfeed without a single problem. And some of them get sick, and then they get fixed in a day or two and life moves on.” Emma felt the wind taken a little out of her sails for her argument, but Regina was turning serious on her. “I don’t care about the what ifs and the fear mongering. I want you to base your decision off of what you in your gut wants. End of story.”

Emma swallowed, and answered so quietly that Regina reprimanded her and made her repeat what she said. “I feel like…it’s not my decision. It’s your body.”

Regina’s amusement vanished then, and she reached her hand over the table for Emma to take. Once it was placed there, Regina squeezed, and the look on her face was so touching that Emma had a hard time breathing. “No, sweetheart. We’re going to make it together. It may be my body, but it responded to something that we very much love doing together. That _I_ very much love doing. Physically, I’m not concerned with it. I feel perfectly fine. But emotionally, that’s what I’m talking about now. I want you to tell me how you _feel_ about the actual act. Not the health questions, not what my body is going through, not anything else.”

Pausing, Emma nodded. “Okay, but you go first.”

A grin threatened Regina’s face. “I, my little fighter,” she paused and gave Emma a purposeful and amused look. Emma was pushing her brattiness that evening, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. It came naturally to her when she was uncomfortable or questioning things. “have never felt anything quite like it. It was,” the rare blush that came over Regina’s face sent a pleasantly hot jolt through Emma’s body. “amazing. To give that to you…I’m not sure I have words to describe it.”

It was Emma’s turn to blush, and she couldn’t help but smile at the look on Regina’s face: clearly vulnerable, clearly loving. It always gave Emma the strangest sense of protectiveness of Regina that was so out of character for her, but when it happened, she couldn’t help but let it overtake her. She squeezed Regina’s hand, caressing knuckles with her thumb. “I don’t either. I just keep thinking…” she felt the sting in the back of her eyes, and fought to let them fall. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever…you know. I didn’t have a mom. But it’s more than that. I’ve never had anyone do anything like that with me, for me.” She had to stop. The tears were clouding her vision now, and the last thing she wanted was to start crying in the only diner in Regina’s childhood town.

As usual, Regina got the message, and squeezed Emma’s hand. “So then let’s give it a few days, and then make our decision. We do need to talk about the responsibility of it more, and look up your concerns to weigh the risks. But let’s maybe leave tonight’s conversation at that we both want to continue until we do those things?”

Emma swallowed, and conceded with a nod. Smiling, Regina released Emma’s hand and lifted her beer. “Cheers?”

That made Emma laugh, and she lifted hers up too so that they could clink together.

After their meal and a couple of beers, they fetched their suitcases and made their way to their room, which was small and clad in old Victorian-style wallpaper, window curtains, and furniture. The sun had finally set, and Regina drew the curtains closed.

Emma sat on the bed, not bothering to remove her jacket or beanie, and watched Regina busy herself with putting their toiletries in the bathroom and turning on the gas fireplace. When she finally looked satisfied with the way she set up the room, she looked over at Emma and started laughing. “Come here, Little One,” though she walked towards Emma herself and removed her beanie. She started unzipping Emma’s jacket.

Emma looked up at her with huge eyes, simply marveling at this beautiful woman who twittered about making everything perfect with seemingly no effort. This caring beauty that instinctually nurtured Emma, but also craved her. “I love you,” Emma blurted out.

Regina’s hand stopped mid-zip, and her eyes came up to meet Emma. They instantly pooled and dilated, a sigh escaping Regina’s open mouth as Emma saw endless thoughts dance through her features. She brought her hands up to Emma’s face and leaned in to capture her lips in a heated, hungry kiss. Emma’s body responded immediately, her heart already about to beat out of her chest from her admission, picking up even further at the passion behind Regina’s embrace. She rose off the bed, and the two pressed their bodies painfully close to one another, hands grasping wherever they could find purchase.

When Regina pulled away, they were both panting, and Emma saw the Regina’s eyes were matching her own; wet with threatening tears, dark with lust, unable to hide such strong emotions. “I love you.” Regina pressed their foreheads together. “So much.”

Emma couldn’t help her smile. “You’ve been waiting for me to say it first, haven’t you?”

Regina threw her head back and gave a genuine, giddy laugh. “You know me too well. But I probably wasn’t going to wait too much longer. I’ve been dying over here.”

Blushing, Emma pursed her lips in her smile and looked down, again recognizing Regina working so hard to let her go slow, and to feel safe. Regina’s eyes turned lustful again, and she gently grabbed Emma to press her closer.

Emma let out a little moan, feeling her arousal pool inside her panties, and rolled her hips up to create friction between them. “R’gina…” she whined, and her lover met her needs immediately, grabbing hold of her jacket and finishing the job of relieving her of it. She didn’t stop there. Emma raised her arms as she felt her shirt being shed off by warm and practiced hands, their eyes never leaving each other’s. She saw that raw, animalistic look in Regina’s eyes, mixed with love and devotion. If she let herself, she could become a slave to that look. She would spend every day in bed arousing Regina’s needs if it meant Regina would look at her like that every minute of her life. Her hands went to Regina’s pants, unfastening them, moving up to press against Regina’s midsection underneath her shirt. She felt the rising and falling of bated breath there, Regina’s heartrate meeting her own.

Once Regina threw Emma’s shirt to the ground and undid her bra, she pressed guiding hands on Emma’s hips, and lowered them to the bed, where she leaned down and sucked on Emma’s pulse on her neck. Emma moaned, her body curling into the one on top of her. “I need you…” she breathed out, and felt a hand come up to her cheek.

“I know, sweetheart,” Regina said against her neck, moving further down to kiss Emma’s clavicle, kiss down her chest. “My beautiful girl…” Regina whispered as she continued kissing down, her hands traveling to the button of Emma’s jeans and slowly pulling them down trembling thighs. She kissed Emma’s navel. “My beautiful Emma…”

Emma sighed when she was freed of her panties, which had become uncomfortably wet. When Regina kissed her inner thigh, she bucked her hips up, and was brought back down by calming hands on her hips. “Sshh,” she felt Regina’s breath at her opening, and clenched in anticipation. “I’m right here, my love. I’ve got you,” Regina’s last word was drown out by pressing her mouth against Emma’s opening, and Emma let out a cry at the hot tongue that lovingly lapped at her wetness.

“Fuck,” she breathed out, bringing a hand down to rest on Regina’s head, combing through dark hair. “You feel so amazing.”

Regina hummed against her core, and Emma bucked her hips again at the shock it sent through her clit. “You _taste_ amazing.”

“Don’t stop…” Emma whined, and she felt Regina’s hands come to caress her bottom and up to her hip, and back down again as she took Emma’s clit in her mouth and gave a hard suck.

She jerked up in response, and let out a cry as Regina let go and whispered. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” before she went to Emma’s opening with her tongue. Immediately, Emma felt herself release more juices for Regina, who moaned as her tongue slid in and licked against Emma’s spongy upper wall. Her hands grabbed at Emma’s bottom and squeezed, which elicited a new sound from Emma’s throat. “Hmm,” Regina mused as she pulled out. “My baby likes that.” She brought her mouth down and sucked Emma’s clit in once again.

Emma found herself going slightly crazy at the series of teases being brought down on her. All of her skin was on fire, her tummy was tight with anticipation, and she ached fiercely. “Please,” she knew she sounded pitiful, and couldn’t bring herself to care or stop. “Please baby…”

A chuckle left Regina at the euphemism only she had used, and she brought two digits up to Emma’s entrance, collecting the wetness there. “Tell me, Emma…” her fingers circled the entrance with maddeningly little pressure. “Tell me how much you want this.”

Emma had learned that being shy with Regina during sex was not an option, and any walls she would have had were already shattered on the ground with her arousal. “Please Mommy,” she trembled, her entire body visibly shaking, and she felt a steadying hand on her hip. “I need you inside me.”

Regina’s mouth broke in a devilish grin, and she both sucked Emma’s clit in between her lips and pressed her fingers inside her waiting walls. Emma broke in a sob of release as Regina’s tongue lapped at her swollen bud, the sensation sending another gush of wetness that was met by Regina’s fingers tenderly massaging her walls. She stayed knuckle-deep inside of Emma and moved her hand rapidly against Emma’s g-spot, which felt so unbelievably amazing that Emma cried out a series of expletives that had Regina humming in amusement against her clit. “Oh R’gina…my god…”

Regina’s free hand pressed Emma’s bottom, grabbing a handful, and Emma felt her orgasm building up quickly in her belly. “R’gina…” she whimpered. “I’m gunna come.”

Regina released her mouth from Emma’s clit, eliciting a pitiful protest, and her hand kept up the same rhythm. “No,” her sultry voice answered as she kissed against Emma’s clit once. “You’re not there yet.” The words had Emma clenching harder, her hips coming up to roll against the massaging fingers inside her. “I know my girl…” she came up then to kiss Emma hard on the lips, and Emma could taste herself so potently that she groaned. Regina moved her lips to Emma’s ear, and she whispered, “You always make this sweet noise I love so much…just before you come.” She bit down on Emma’s earlobe. “You always hold onto me so tightly. A helpless little one in my arms.” Emma shuttered, and her legs wrapped around Regina’s hips as if to make Regina’s point for her, but Regina tapped her leg to let go so that she could make her way back down Emma’s body, and Emma obliged.

Lips wrapped around her swollen clit again, and Emma felt her legs close around Regina’s head. Regina responded by rapidly removing her fingers and driving them back in, Emma’s walls coming to meet them in a tight grip that let them both know that she was very close to her release. Emma brought her hips up from the bed and moved with Regina’s rhythm as she was fucked with abandon, Regina herself breathing out guttural moans that set Emma’s skin on fire. She chased the orgasm building up in her, threatening to break, and she begged it to, chanting Regina’s name with every breath as she felt her clit stroked by a firm, insistent tongue. “Oh god… _R’gina_!” she cried, her hips raising completely off the bed, feeling the building about to release, her walls clenching Regina’s fingers so tightly that she stopped pumping in and out of Emma’s walls, and instead massage her spongy opening until Emma’s body shattered, collapsing against Regina’s body. Protective hands held her in place as Emma bucked wildly against her face, her pleasure escaping her, rattling through her core, leaving her a bundle of helplessness as Regina crawled up her body.

“Just like that…” Regina moaned as she held Emma. She brought her mouth down and bit gently on Emma’s throat as the hand still inside began to move out, and then shot back in.

“Oh!” a cry left Emma as her sensitive body nearly broke with the sensation as Regina started pumping into her again. “I can’t…” she started to cry.

“You can…” that sexy, dominating voice, so gentle and assertive all at the same time. “Does my baby want to use her orange or red colors?”

“Nn..no!” Emma found the word forming on her mouth even though her body was overcome. It quickly adapted, and she felt the desire start again, the buildup stronger. She felt her walls stretch as Regina added a third finger, and she brought her legs up to wrap around Regina’s waist again, her arms clutching around Regina’s neck. “Mama…” she whimpered as Regina met her mouth and gave her a chaste kiss.

“That’s my girl,” if voices could caress…Regina’s would sooth Emma into oblivion. The look in her eyes shone with devotion, a tiny smile tucked on the corner of her mouth as she watched Emma. And Emma committed herself to giving a show, eyes huge dark in her lust, hips rolling to meet the gentle yet persistent fingers that massaged her well-loved pussy. “You’re going to come again, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Emma tried to make words, but only little cries came out, helpless in those arms. She could stay there forever.

Regina’s mouth moved down to Emma’s collarbone, her chest. With each entrance of her fingers, she left a tiny bite, licking the wound afterward. She bit harder on the side of Emma’s breast, and Emma’s body ignited. She reached for the arm that Regina had wrapped around the small of Emma’s back for support, and forced it down further, placing her hand over Regina’s palm that was now against the cheek of her bottom. “Please…” she wept.

Regina’s lips pressed against her jawline then. “Say it.”

“Spank me, please!”

The words must have shot through Regina like a rocket, because the reaction was immediate. “Oh fuck…Emma…” her hand came down hard, the room echoing with the slapping noise along with the wetness of their lovemaking. Emma was so far gone that she hardly noticed that Regina was right there with her, always losing a bit of control just as Emma was about to come. “Baby…” she kissed Emma again, and Emma bit down on Regina’s lower lip, which earned her another loud spank. She threw her head back as the sensation heightened the feeling of Regina’s fingers inside of her. They were fucking her so quickly that Emma was having a hard time catching up. She just felt her walls closing again, this buildup taking much less time. It creeped up on her so quickly that she felt her hands clench to Regina’s shirt in desperation as if to hold her in place.

“Again, please!”

The crack against her skin sent Emma over the edge. Her body froze, fists gripping as her walls imprisoned Regina’s fingers once more. And then she released a loud cry, her whole person shuttering with such intensity that her vision went black. The only thing she could actually feel was her walls closing over and over against soft and warm fingers that gently rubbed, wetness pooling around them.

She opened her eyes, and realized that she had flung her arms around Regina’s neck. Regina was pressed up against her, panting, her hand now out of Emma’s body and lovingly caressing her bare bottom. Emma shivered and turned her face into Regina’s scent, humming in a little voice that made her sound so small. She realized Regina was talking to her.

“That’s my good girl. I’m so proud of you, baby.”

Emma wanted to ask what Regina was proud of, until she realized that the sheets were very wet underneath her. She wanted to lose it again, like the first time, but she knew that Regina wasn’t going to let her. Instead, she whimpered against Regina’s ear and wrapped her entire body around her Mama. “Wet…”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Mama voice. It sent a surprising surge through Emma. “I love you so much.”

Emma responded by moving one of her hands down, and she pressed it underneath Regina’s panties, revealing a hot wetness that made Emma moan in a much more adult-sounding voice. “I love you too,” she whispered against Regina’s ear, feeling Regina’s hip roll to meet her hand.

For an instant, their eyes met, and Emma felt that switch being hit. It was fascinating to her how quickly it was happening on either side. One moment she was feeling little and serene in Mama’s arms, the next she was looking into black pools that made her hot with want for the woman she loved.

And like the switch in her head, she flipped the body on top of her over until Regina was pressed against the mattress. Rewarded with a surprised yelp, Emma looked down to see that her lover’s face was flushed copper. It set her heart on fire. That vulnerable Regina. That anticipating breath. Fucking hell, she couldn’t get enough of it. She made short work of Regina’s shirt, who moaned under her touch as she smoothed it off of her soft body. Her breasts were clearly swollen and full, practically popping out of her bra, and Emma let out an audible groan as she released them with a practiced finger.

Regina let out a satisfied sigh, her hands coming up to rake over Emma’s own chest, but Emma grabbed hold of them and pressed them over Regina’s head flat on the mattress. The reaction from Regina was priceless. A single eyebrow shot up and a playful smirk lifted her face. She squirmed a bit under Emma, but didn’t make any real effort to get loose. Instead, she released her lowest, sultry laugh, and licked her lips. “Is Mama’s baby feeling brave tonight?”

Emma felt a pulse in her core at the words, but tried not to let their effect show. “I read something else about breastfeeding today,” she said conversationally as she began to kiss down from Regina’s temple to her jawline, down her neck and licking her collarbone.

“Oh?” It came out as half a question, half a lustful sigh.

“It said,” Emma licked in between those beautiful breasts, tasting Regina’s salty skin. It made her eyes roll back in her head. “that a woman can have an orgasm,” she trailed light kisses up the mound of one of Regina’s breasts. “From nursing.” She wrapped her lips around the dark bud of Regina’s nipple and gave a strong suck. A squirt of milk tickled her throat and hit her taste buds. The taste of Regina was indescribable. Her milk was sweet, thick and as warm as her embrace. It felt…delicate in her mouth, this savory thing that came from such a loving place. It set off a new sensory in Emma’s head, a feeling in her chest that she didn’t know existed until she had tasted it.

Regina’s body responded immediately to her lover’s suckling. Her back shot off of the mattress, a hand coming to cradle Emma’s head in place, and her other hand pressing against her own navel to sneak down underneath her pants. “I believe it…” she breathed as Emma swallowed the milk she had beckoned.

She brought her mouth away to look up at Regina, a hand coming down to find Regina’s that was roaming inside her panties. She meshed their fingers together as she discovered the heated wetness there. “Does it feel that good?” she asked, kissing just next to Regina’s nipple.

Regina’s hand stilled in her own pants, happy to let Emma take the lead, and Emma smoothed a tender finger along Regina’s slit. She felt so soft against her finger that she felt her own core throb, still very sensitive after her orgasms. “Yes!” a husky answer, and Emma brought her teeth down lightly on the exposed nipple before she sucked one more time.

The noise that came out of Regina sent such a shock through Emma’s clit that she actually gave a little cry against the skin she was kissing. It was so bare and exposed, and it made Emma’s finger come alive to press against Regina’s opening. She found a swollen clit, so ready for her, and felt Regina’s legs spread wide underneath her, both hands now resting in Emma’s hair, massaging her scalp.

But she brought both hands away from Regina’s body to grab hold of them and place them back over Regina’s head, who gave a frustrated sob at the lack of friction on her clit, and protest at being restrained. Emma gave her a snide smirk, and danced her eyebrows up and down. “Color?”

Regina let out a little laugh, and looked up to the ceiling. “Oh, Emma. You are really pushing your luck tonight.”

Emma didn’t let the remark intimidate her. “Does that mean you don’t want me here?” she released her grip on Regina’s wrists and was back inside her panties, finding the soft and wet folds there to gently caress with her fingers.

“No…” Regina’s face turned back to it’s lustful gaze, giving Emma a horrified look for even suggesting it.

“Then maybe,” Emma found that swollen clit again and brought it between her finger and thumb, clenching down gently. “you should let me have my fun.”

“Oh, fuck…” Regina’s eyes closed as she threw her head back. “Are you willing to deal with the consequences?” she managed to moan out.

Emma smiled as she pressed her cheek ever so softly against the side of Regina’s breast. “Is it so awful to be out of control?”

A laugh then as Regina’s hips rolled up. “Oh, is _that_ what you think is happening?”

And just like that, Emma was on her back again, looking up at mischievous eyes. “Aw, baby,” Regina pushed out a pouting lip at the defeated expression on Emma’s face. “Is Mama not letting you have your fun?” a guttural voice rumbled in her ear as Regina leaned forward. But Emma wasn’t deterred. She recovered quickly and slid her hand back into Regina’s panties, who threw her head back as she hovered above Emma, reveling in the fingers that found their way back to her clit and circled over it. “Oh, god…baby,” Regina rose up slightly and her hands found their way to massage all over her bare chest and stomach, hips rolling down to meet Emma’s fingers.

Emma pressed two digits against Regina’s growing clit, so swollen and wet with lust that it was easy to prompt a strong reaction from her lover.

Regina was careful not to grab a hard hold on her own breasts, clearly tender and aching for release. That would come later. For now, Emma wanted to lose herself in the hot feeling of the sensitive bud she was massaging and watch Regina’s reaction as she rode Emma’s fingers. Regina’s stomach tensed, and her voice turned high with desperation. “Yes…Emma…I’m so close.”

Emma’s throat released a whimper that matched the woman on top of her, and she quickened the pace of her fingers. Regina had to rest a hand on the mattress to keep herself upright as a reaction. The other hand cupped the side of her right breast, and she lowered it to Emma’s mouth, who happily pressed the nipple firmly in between her lips and encouraged milk to flow. Regina set off a stream of euphoric noises that shaped to terms of endearment, as she rolled her hips sharply against Emma’s circling fingers until her whole body spasmed in a powerful orgasm. A piercing cry escaped her lips, and Emma felt a gush of fresh arousal coat her hand.

She stilled her stroking fingers, her drawing of Regina’s milk as Regina stilled. The room was filled with the beautiful sounds of both of them trying to catch their breath, little hums of content escaping ever so often. Regina’s head was rested next to Emma’s, and she turned it to kiss a sweaty temple. Emma curled into the gesture, feeling her knees rise up to intertwine her legs in between Regina’s.

“Mm…” Regina slowly came down from her high, and Emma realized that she was being rubbed soothingly with gentle hands, up and down the sides of her body. “You’re so incredible, Little One.” Praises. Emma loved praises. She purred against the words spoken next to her ear, and found herself turned on her side as Mama lowered herself to lay next to her. Her fingers found her mouth, and Emma crooned against them as they tasted like the salty sweetness that was her lover. They gazed in each other’s eyes, and Mama didn’t seem to mind that she was sucking on her fingers just them. She just kept rubbing up and down Emma’s side. “My sweet girl,” she crooned. “Did you think you were gunna top Mommy tonight, hm?” She sounded amused, and Emma brought her fingers out of her mouth.

“Milk,” she stated simply, and it elicited another amused chuckle.

She found herself being lowered to a nipple, and she latched on happily, her body still buzzing with pleasure now being soothed by the taste of tenderness. Eyes closed, she felt softness raised up and wrapped around her body, tucked underneath her. She and Mama were under the blankets now, and those hands never stopped soothing over her. Nuzzling against the soft, warm flesh, Emma felt a kiss on the top of her head.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd give you a longer chapter for being so patient. Hope you like it. Next we will see what happens when Emma meets the family. There's also going to be more development with Emma's littlespace.  
> Don't forget to say hi. =)


	17. Storybrooke Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: If you’re squeamish about depictions of being trapped in small spaces (claustrophobic), I really suggest you read with caution.

They woke early, and Emma still felt a closeness to Regina that she wasn’t willing to sever just then. It was strange: lately, she was feeling a shift in herself. When she and Regina had begun this part of their relationship, Emma had only found herself able to submit to it when she was already in a compromised position: naked, post-orgasm, tired to the point of nearly asleep. But now, she was finding that in her wakefulness, in moments she would otherwise be composed, she was wanting to slip, to allow Regina to take care of her in the way that Regina was so willing to do at any given point. She never denied Emma, she never was not ready for her when she slipped, and that made Emma feel so safe with it that she kept wanting it more and more.

So here she was, morning, waking up in the arms of her lover, and she didn’t want to let go. In fact, she wanted to be held, reassured, and something more.

As Regina stretched and began to move off the bed, Emma gave a whimper, and gripped onto the smooth body, fingers finding their way to her mouth. A groggy chuckle escaped Regina’s lips, and Emma felt her still and allow Emma to intertwine their bodies. Emma felt arms wrap around her, and she smiled around her fingers. She felt a kiss on top of her head. “Good morning, Little One. Do I still have my babygirl with me?”

Emma answered by curling in closer, wrapping a leg around Regina’s waist and nuzzling into the closest breast to her. In response, she felt a hand remove the fingers from her mouth, and a nipple found its way to take their place. Emma latched on to the bronze peak, firm and soft all at once, and she gave a purposeful suck. The milk flooded her mouth, tasting like a sweet version of Regina’s scent, perfect temperature, perfect everything. A sigh escaped from her lover, and Emma heard it from the ear pressed up against Regina’s chest as if it were a part of her own body. “That’s my good girl. Mama loves her baby,” Regina praised, her hand coming down to pat Emma’s bottom.

Emma felt a pleasure bleed pleasantly through her veins as she was praised, a hand coming up to the side of Regina’s breast to kneed tenderly. She was rewarded by a groan of relief. “That’s it, darling. We have a big day today.”

That pleasure curdled slightly at the reminder of what the day held, and Emma stilled her lips. A mixture of uncomfortable thoughts coursed through her mind, and she heard a strange mewling sound that perfectly reflected how her heart felt. She wondered where the noise was coming from.

Mama answered her when she began shushing Emma, and combed her fingers through her hair. “It’s alright. You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

Confused by the fact that she could make such a noise without it processing in her mind first, she felt her eyes sting at the exposure she suddenly felt, and she instinctually began suckling at a fever pace, desperately grasping for that peace and serenity that always overtook her when she nursed from her Mama.

A sharp gasp and jump interrupted her, and she felt herself starting to be rocked. “Gentle, sweetheart. I promise you, it’s going to be just fine.” A kiss to her forehead made her eyes close. “We’re going to finish our milk all gone. Then we’ll take our time getting ready, so my Little One can be a big girl. Then we’ll have a good Thanksgiving. Hm?”

Emma continued nursing as she listened, taking long sucks of sweet milk as Mama’s story lulled her, wrapped her in the safety of her reassurance. She was right; it was going to be a good day.

She didn’t realize she had dozed off until a hand was placed on her cheek and was caressed by a thumb. “Come on, love.” They got up slowly and padded to the bathroom, where Emma was relieved of her shirt and naked, they both stepped into the steaming water of the shower.

As Regina threw her head back to wet her hair, running her hands through the dark locks, Emma looked onto the sleek body and realized she had only finished the milk from one breast. She stepped forward and placed her hands on Regina’s waist, feeling the water that was cascading down Regina ricochet onto her own skin. Ducking down, she latched onto the other exposed peak, and felt one of Regina’s hands cradle the back of her head.

A moan filled the small space, followed by a relieved sigh, and Emma suddenly felt something alight inside of her. Regina was so sensitive, always responding well to the nursing, and she realized that without the pleasure Regina so obviously got from it, Emma knew she wouldn’t enjoy it so much if it were otherwise. The taut skin under Emma’s hands shivered, uneven breaths escaping her lover, and that spark that was flickering inside of her started to spread, take a life of its own. She felt a thump and heard a pleasantly surprised gasp, and realized that she had pushed Regina up against the tile wall. A hand trailed down in between Regina’s legs, and she cupped her sex.

A moan escaped her lips at the heat there, at the gasp Regina released, at the wetness of Regina’s pussy that had nothing to do with the water running over them. A nipple popped out of her mouth. She swallowed the bit of sweet milk. “You’re so fucking sexy,” she husked as her lips climbed up Regina’s chest and pressed against her neck.

Regina’s hand was still cradling Emma’s head, and she led Emma’s lips up to her own. Before meeting them, Emma saw a lifeform in those deep brown eyes that was pure lust. Regina whispered in a voice that literally sent a spark of intense pleasure all through Emma’s body right down to her clit. “ _There’s_ my grownup girl.”

Emma let out a shaky, “fuck…” and captured lips that were able to make her drip just from saying the most incredible things in the most incredible tones. And then she took more initiative than she had ever had the guts to do, and twisted Regina around until her breasts were pressed up against the tile.

“Uhn!” An unbelievable sound escaped Regina’s mouth, and Emma felt validation as she pressed up against Regina’s backside.

“I’m right here,” she whispered into a listening ear, and she felt Regina tremble underneath her. Her hand went back to Regina’s opening as she felt Regina’s own search behind her to find purchase on Emma’s waist. But Emma grabbed at those hands and spread them up against the tile just like the rest of her girlfriend. “No,” she commanded. “Not today.”

“Is that so?” the words were defiant, but the tone had no fight in it, and Regina’s legs spread willingly as Emma’s fingers found the entrance of their home, lovingly circling the opening.

“Yes,” Emma kept her voice as authoritative as she could. “I want to make love to you while you’re pinned against the wall. I want to fuck you like this. Underneath me.”

Regina’s butt pushed back against her, knees wobbling as Emma’s circling fingers pressed firmer but didn’t enter her hot core. “Then I suggest,” the voice was low, deep, and about as in charge as Emma could imagine. Regina turned her neck to eye Emma sideways, “that you hurry up and fuck me. Before Mama changes her mind and punishes her naughty Little One.”

“Mmm,” Emma’s forehead came to rest on Regina’s shoulder. How the hell she managed to elicit such a physical reaction just from speaking, Emma would never know. But met the challenge and slowly, torturously entered Regina with two fingers. The cry that escaped Regina’s lips was to die for. “What if I want you to punish me anyway?” she pulled back out and slammed her fingers in, knuckles hitting up against Regina’s clit. She was rewarded by Regina throwing her head back so that their cheeks were pushed together, and Emma realized that she needed to be careful with how hard she pushed Regina up against the wall. They were already so flush against each other that there was little room to breathe, and both were breathing heavily.

“Fuck me and find out.” Emma obliged, fingers massaging desperate walls. She had yet to take Regina from behind like this, and with the curl of her fingers, she found a new spot that elicited deep moans from her partner. She found a steady rhythm, and with each entrance Regina’s body came down, knees bending to meet Emma’s pumping with greater force. Regina’s wetness was coating her fingers. “Harder.” And Emma grinned as she decided to defy the command, actually slowing down.

She gave a surprised groan when one of Regina’s hands left their position on the wall and grabbed the back of her head, a tuft of hair gripped in a fist. “Harder, baby.”

Emma’s knees almost buckled right then and there, her own wetness leaking and running down her inner thigh. She longed to have Regina fix the building ache for her, but ignored it as she did as she was told. She pumped into Regina’s hot dripping cunt almost recklessly, the sounds Regina was making reassuring her that what she was doing was exactly what was needed. “That’s my good girl,” the cheeks of Regina’s ass made a slapping noise against Emma’s forearm as she continued to crash down against Emma’s hand.

And Emma realized that Regina was still in control. Fucking pinned up against the wall being taken from behind, and this woman was calling the goddamned shots.

A growl rumbled out of Emma’s chest, and she reached back to grab Regina’s hand to release its grip from her hair. Once she managed her goal, she scooted back so that she could pin that arm in between them, all the while, continuing to assault Regina’s wanting walls with rough fingers.

An unsettling laugh escaped Regina just then. It hit Emma in the chest, and her eyes widened as she realized too late that she had given Regina the perfect reason to start the punishment now. Somehow, Regina maneuvered herself so that Emma was no longer inside of her. She twirled around and latched a strong arm around Emma’s waist, the other hand coming down fast and hard on a bare butt cheek.

“Ah!” Emma couldn’t help but cry out and drop her forehead onto Regina’s waiting shoulder. Her whole body trembled violently as a new wave of pleasure escaped her opening. She felt her hand that was still wet with Regina’s incredible sex being placed back to that soft, smooth opening.

“Now, my girl.” A sweet kiss on her temple, completely in contrast with the previous treatment. “You’re going to fuck me, right here,” she breathed out a smooth moan as Emma’s fingers automatically pet against Regina’s opening again. When Emma entered her, she sighed out: “That’s it, baby. Oh, Emma.”

But Emma felt a sharp sting hit her bottom again, and she cried out, raising her head to give Regina a pitiful look. But Regina leaned forward to give her a hard and possessive kiss before pulling away and chuckling. “Mommy said not to be naughty, didn’t she?”

“Yes,” Emma trembled, fingers registering their new position when they curled right up against that perfect, spongy place.

“But you did it anyway.” A protective hand came to rest on Emma’s cheek. “And you tried last night. Do you want to top Mama, baby?”

Emma looked in those eyes, lustful and holding a twinkle of mischievousness. It was an excellent question: what came over her when she got this way with Regina? In any other circumstance, she was more than happy to let her lover take the reins, guide her and protect her and coddle her. But when they started to play this way, something just bubbled up. What was it? And it occurred to her: that first glance Regina had ever given her the first time they ever made love. She had been vulnerable, trusting, nervous. And Emma didn’t see that too often. And it felt good. It felt good to see someone expose themselves like that. Emma had always felt so exposed in relationships, like she was giving all of these things away in the hope that they weren’t stolen or taken for granted and the gesture was never reciprocated. Regina had never done that to her. Regina always gave it her all. And so lately, in times where Emma was hot with lust, she wanted to see that exposed nerve. It turned her on. It fucking turned her on, and even so, somehow, she really loved, loved it when Regina fought back.

“I just wanna see that look.”

A mischievous brow arched. “What look is that?”

Emma swallowed. “The one where you look like you can’t see anything but me.”

Regina’s face shifted instantly. The dark, playful expression gone, the impish look in her eyes turned soft. Her body noticeably sighed, and she brought a hand up to cup Emma’s face.

“It makes me feel…” Emma shrugged. “Special.”

“Sweet girl…” all seriousness in her voice now, mixed with lust that had ebbed only slightly. “You are special.” She leaned in to kiss Emma softly, and when she pulled away, she whispered so close that Emma still felt Regina’s lips brush against hers. “You are always all I see.”

Emma felt the lump she swallowed ache, and she lifted her eyebrows, attempting to brighten the mood. “Sooo…does that mean I can top you?”

A laugh escaped Regina, and she kissed Emma once more before whispering: “Maybe one day.”

Emma took the opportunity to twist Regina around and pin her back against the tile. Regina let out a true, gleeful laugh as her hands were placed against the tile. “Please darling.” And when Emma plunged her fingers back in, Regina’s head fell back, and her body leaned against Emma as she held her up, thrusting her fingers in with powerful force. “Yes!” Regina began chanting as her body shook against the source of her pleasure. “Oh, baby!”

“I wanna feel you come,” Emma murmured, her voice noticeably littler than it had been seconds ago. She felt more of Regina’s body lean back in response, and her walls were beginning to pulse around Emma’s fingers.

Regina continued to crash down onto Emma’s hand, the water falling down on them somehow adding to the pleasure. Regina trembled out, “I’m close,” as if Emma needed to be told. It was getting harder and harder to make love to her. Her walls were clenching down in that vice grip that Emma recognized. “I’m gunna come… _baby_!”

Emma had to wrap her free hand around Regina’s waist to hold her as her body stiffened, knees buckling, her walls pushing Emma out. Emma cupped her sex to help hold her, and Regina’s body released a strong, shuttering cry. Her head snapped back, and their cheeks were pressed against one another as Regina freed heart-stopping cries as her body shook. Wave after wave came down on her, and they dipped together as each hit. They rocked until Regina finally came down, a soft laugh coming out of her. She twisted around then, and Emma saw her face glowing with the sex. It pierced her heart. Her lips were crushed in a satisfied kiss, Regina still releasing small little laughs until she broke it off to look Emma in the eyes. A hand came up to pet Emma’s face. “All I see,” she whispered, eliciting a huge grin from Emma. “Now, let’s get cleaned up.” Her voice had gone back to that soft, gentle Mama sound. “And then we’ll finish our milk.”

***

“Baby, stop fidgeting,” Regina chided as they sat in the booth at Granny’s diner and waited for the arrival of Cora and Zelena. But Emma couldn’t help it. She was beyond nervous, had never been more excited and terrified at the same time. She was nervous to meet Cora, who she was sure was going to spend the day being passive aggressive towards her, and she needed to have her head on straight to be diplomatic about it. She really wanted to meet Zelena, but knew how important she was to Regina. What if Zelena didn’t like her? That would be the end of her and Regina, and that was something she simply couldn’t fathom.

The bell to the diner jingled, signaling patrons walking in, and Emma stiffened when she heard a bright voice calling Regina’s name from behind her. But she melted quickly. Because at that very moment, she happened to be looking at Regina, and her face transformed into such delighted happiness that all she could feel was warmth. Regina, in that moment, was giddier than she’d ever seen her, as she stood up to run to her sister.

Emma stood too, and turned around to the site of Regina wrapped in a tall, red-headed woman’s arms, whose mutual joy was clear on her face. “Hello, Bun!” Zelena squeezed Regina tightly, and Emma actually wanted to laugh at how small Regina looked compared to her sister. Not so much in stature, but in personality. Regina was a formidable presence, but she was so in a quiet, sturdy way. Zelena was the exact opposite. She was flashy, vivacious, making sure everyone in the room got the announcement: Zelena was here.

Behind her was an older woman with a pinched face and so well put together that Emma would have thought she had walked out of mixture of an InStyle magazine to be propped into the diner. She didn’t show that she was happy in the least with the exception of a tiny smile on the corner of her mouth that reminded Emma of Regina slightly. “Hello dear,” she said evenly as she gave Regina a rigid hug.

Emma had been watching the exchange so intently that she hadn’t noticed Zelena had approached her until firm hands were squeezing her upper arms. Emma’s eyes popped out, and she met the face that was now staring at her. “Oh my god!” Zelena laughed, and looked back at her sister. “She’s fucking adorable!” Turning back to Emma. “I love you already. I’m Zelena,” and she grabbed Emma in a bearhug. Emma wanted to laugh too, but she was so taken aback that nothing came out of her mouth. Zelena broke their hug, but kept her hands on Emma’s arms, looking her over.

“I... I’m Emma,” she managed.

“You absolutely are. My god, finally somebody worthy of my Bun. Mother look at her! She’s fucking gorgeous!”

Cora was approaching steadily, and gave Zelena a purposeful look as she passed by her to look Emma in the eye. “Yes, dear, I heard you. Along with the rest of Granny’s. And possibly the state of Maine,” she said the last part under her breath as she gave Emma a patient smile. “I’m Cora,” she stuck her hand out, and Emma was immediately self-conscious of how clammy her hands were at the moment.

“N...nice to meet you,” Emma stammered as they shook.

Some of the tightness in her chest lifted as a secret smile grabbed at Cora’s mouth, and she winked at Emma before calling to Granny for coffees as they all sat down, Emma taking a seat next to Regina in the booth and feeling a warm hand grab hers under the table.

Their coffee showed up almost immediately, and Emma lifted hers slowly to her mouth, realizing that her hand was shaking so badly that she needed to be careful.

A squeeze of her hand, and she looked to her side to see Regina smiling at her. Zelena was buzzing with words throughout the entire exchange, giving Emma and Regina a rundown of the previous evening and after. “Mother had me up at four this morning to throw out some horrible looking turkey innards. This is the first proper coffee I’ve had today, and I’ve been up for five hours!”

“Do keep the dramatics at a minimum today, dear,” Cora said, unphased as she sipped her coffee. “You barely have to lift a finger the rest of the day.”

“Damn right,” Zelena smirked and looked at Emma. “Regina got the cooking gene. I’m lucky I haven’t burned down my kitchen yet.”

Emma heard Regina try to hide a snort of laughter behind her coffee mug.

“Do you cook, Emma?”

Emma’s mind buzzed blank for a split second as Cora addressed her, so she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. “I microwave like nobody’s business.”

To her surprise and pleasure, all three women gave a genuine laugh, and Regina nodded her head. “It’s true. Before me, Emma was living off of Eggo’s and Dinobites.”

“I guess I’m not bad with a toaster either.” Emma laughed shyly.

“Oh yes,” Zelena put her coffee down and nodded absolutely. “You and I will get along just fine. I finally have someone to hang out with while these two birds cook.”

Despite herself, Emma liked the sound of that. Zelena reminded her slightly of Ruby, though more on the chipper side, and she seemed to like Emma okay. Maybe the day wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“What do you do for a living, Emma?” Cora’s voice had a way of cutting through the chatter and quieting the ambiance of the group. Emma wasn’t sure if that was unsettling or not, but it was probably just something that the three of them were used to: Zelena was the chatterbox, Regina was the annoyed sister, and Cora was the quiet but firm leader of the pack. They made quite the trio.

“I’m a bail bondsperson,” Emma said, feeling the milk in her stomach do a minimal flip. What if Cora didn’t approve of what Emma did? They all had such upper-class, respectable jobs and a pedigree to be proud of. Emma was an orphan who chased criminals down to afford two roommates in a rundown college student rental.

“She does stakeouts and everything, Mother,” Zelena’s accent shone through a lot when she really got going, and Emma tried to find similarities between this red-headed, fair skinned beauty to her olive-skinned, black-eyed partner. There wasn’t much of one.

“I’m sure she can tell me for herself, dear,” Cora didn’t even look at Zelena when she said it, but kept a fixed face on Emma, who felt her cheeks going red.

She was saved by Granny coming up to take their orders. Emma just got toast, while the other three ordered oatmeal and fruit. She wondered if the oatmeal here was like Regina’s too.

“Yeah, sometimes I do stakeouts,” she continued once Granny left. “Mostly it’s paperwork, though. Lots of transactional stuff.”

“Is it a lucrative business?” Cora asked, fixing a napkin neatly on her lap.

“I keep busy. What’s being the mayor like?”

Cora raised her eyebrows and seemed to be taken aback by being asked a question. Emma thought maybe she had made a mistake, but instead, Cora seemed pleased. She leaned forward and whispered, “A lot of schmoozing with strangers.” She sat back then as her daughters snickered, and Emma smiled her relief. “I couldn’t do it in a larger town, of course. Far too many people to please in larger towns or cities. Simply exhausting.”

“It’s not so bad when you have hundreds of people kissing your ass, Mother,” Zelena huffed cheerily, and Cora gave her a look that made her face look even more pinched than normal.

When their food came, Emma eyed Regina’s oatmeal, and of course Regina caught it. She lifted a spoonful up, but Emma was skeptical. “It’s pretty close to mine,” Regina assured.

“ _Pretty_ close?” Narrowed eyes met Regina incredulously.

Regina laughed. “Just try it,” and she popped the spoonful in Emma’s mouth.

A cooing sound came from the other side of the table, and Emma visibly jumped. Regina had a way of making the rest of the world disappear, and this moment was no exception. She felt herself redden at her girlfriend’s family witnessing the moment.

Regina calmed her by rolling her eyes. “Alright, alright. Show’s over.” Regina scoffed.

They took separate cars to Cora’s house. Emma was noticeably more chipper, and Regina laughed as they drove towards the east side of town. “Well, what did I tell you?”

Emma felt a little of her energy going out at the idea of admitting to Regina she was right, but she found a loophole. “Your mom is a little tense.”

Regina chuckled. “Yes. She’s well-known for it. Trust me when I say it has nothing to do with you.”

Being a small town, it didn’t take them long to reach Cora’s house, which turned out not to be a house at all, but a giant white mansion with an immaculately-kept large front garden. Emma gawked as she and Regina waited for Cora and Zelena to get out of their car, and the four of them walked up together, Zelena pointing and telling tales as they went.

“That apple tree over there was planted when Regina was born. My apple tree is in the back. Granny Smith, because green is better.”

“Both are a pain to keep up with,” Cora said evenly. “They turned out to be very fitting monuments for my girls.”

Emma pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. She received a secret tap on her backside anyway, because of course Regina noticed.

Regina and Cora wasted no time getting in the kitchen, at which point Zelena locked her arm in Emma’s and started with a grand tour of the home. Emma gave a fleeting look to Regina, who winked at her and followed her mother.

“I didn’t realize you were raised here,” Emma said as Zelena took her into the living room.

“Oh, we weren’t. Not exactly,” Zelena said cheerfully. “It’s a family home. Our great grandfather was mayor here. He built this place,” she gestured to the walls and ceiling. “We grew up in Boston, but used to come here every summer. I would fly back to the states from England, but the school year is different there, so Regina and I would spend a month inseparable just wandering around town. I have better memories here than in Boston. That is, until college. Then Regina and I _really_ had fun,” she laughed.

Emma looked at Zelena sideways, and then asked carefully: “Did you um…party with Regina a lot back then?”

Emma was surprised by a huge laugh as Zelena bumped her shoulder playfully. “Oh darling, I’m _very_ familiar with my sister’s reputation, if that’s what you’re asking. Truth be told, I’m happy she’s outgrown it. I’d very much like to see her settle down. Not the play, exactly. To each their own and all that. But the sheer amount of partners. God, I’m glad that’s over with.”

Emma stayed quiet as she was shown separate rooms, including a study with an impressive liquor bar.

“So, how do you like Archie?” Zelena asked as Emma touched a piece of what looked like Waterford crystal formed in the shape of an old horse carriage. Her mind snapped back to her last encounter in Archie’s office, and she winced.

“I um…think I need to call and apologize to him.” Emma felt her face redden, and she looked sheepishly at Zelena, who laughed.

“Whatever for?”

“I kind of…ran out of his office?”

Zelena just laughed harder. “Don’t worry about Archie. He can handle it. I do hope he didn’t scar you so bad that you ran out screaming.”

“Well…” Emma looked back at the crystal, not sure of what to say about her last appointment. “Anyway, thank you very much for referring me. He’s a really sweet guy.”

Zelena nodded as she opened the liquor cabinet. “Taught me most of what I know. Scotch?”

Emma’s eyes darted to a fancy-looking wall clock and noted that it was ten fifteen in the morning. Then again, it was Thanksgiving. A grin crept up on her face. “Sure.”

Zelena grabbed two glasses, and poured a decent amount of amber liquid.

“Do you know how to hypnotize people?” Emma asked cautiously as Zelena handed her one of the glasses.

Zelena nodded. “I do. Haven’t done it in a while, though,” she brought her glass up, and the two clinked theirs together.

“He uh…he put me under last time. Afterwards, I got kind of freaked out and just sort of took off.”

Zelena took a generous sip of the scotch. “Regina mentioned you’d been struggling. It’s not that uncommon, really. I’m sure I’ve managed to erase half of my childhood memories on purpose.” Her tone was so conversational that Emma felt particularly light-hearted about the subject. At least for the moment. She tapped her fingers on her glass. “However, going under can be a trying experience. I’m sure he’s worried that he wasn’t able to provide you with some aftercare. You haven’t spoken to him since?”

Emma shook her head, and she saw a little shadow pass over Zelena’s face. “Hm,” she narrowed her eyes at Emma, not unkindly, but thoughtfully. “Tell you what. If you are struggling with anything that happened at your last appointment, you let me know, and I’ll call Archie for you. It really is better to process your suppressed memories properly. They can be…”

“Horrible,” Emma heard herself murmur under her breath, and felt her chest go cold at her admittance. Shit.

Zelena looked at her for a long moment, and then joined Emma’s stare into the Waterford crystal carriage. “I bought this for Mother when I was in school in England. Waterford was just a ferry away.” Her blue eyes nearly matched the crystal. “I thought when I was growing up that I’d never forget the day I went overseas. I had wanted to go, but the idea of something like that is very different than the reality. I just remember sitting in my dormitory that first night. And I felt so alone. And scared. I’d never been scared of anything in my life. And over the years, I’d look back at that time and just think I remembered it all so, so well.”

Both of their drinks were forgotten in their hands as Emma listened to Zelena’s story, her voice drifting with the memory. “And then Daddy died. I was in my late twenties then. And at the funeral, at the wake, at all of the events, I couldn’t focus on Daddy’s death. I was so focused on Regina. She was like a statue. Never shed a single tear. Didn’t say a word. I wanted to just wrap her in my arms. Hold her so tight. But I’ll never forget what happened when I tried.”

Emma felt her heart stop.

“She tore away from me. Gave me this look like I shouldn’t have dared, and just walked off cool as a cucumber. And just as suddenly, this memory came flooding back. Hit me like a goddamned ton of bricks. Little five-year-old Regina screaming as I walked onto that plane heading to London. In those days, you could walk right up to the gate with your family to see them off. And Daddy was holding her little hand, and she was just begging me not to go. She looked as if the entire world was shattering around her. But I went anyway.

“Turns out after all those years of harping on that alone feeling, what I had really been doing was suppressing the one thing that truly hurt: leaving my heartbroken little sister, and the look of betrayal on her face as I did. Took me a long time to come to grips with all of that. Took longer for me to apologize.” She turned to Emma then, and took a long drink of her Scotch. “Our minds can do incredible things to protect us from our hurt. And it’s a bitch when it slips up and comes back.” She downed the rest of her drink as Emma stared at her.

“How did your father die?” Emma heard herself asking, not really sure where the question came from. She was more in awe at the fact that a practical stranger had shared something with her that was so intimate, but it occurred to her that Regina never told her what happened to him.

At that, Zelena’s eyes widened, and a strange look came over her face. “Regina never told you?”

Emma was about to answer, but was interrupted by Cora walking in. “Oh Zelena,” a harsh chide as Cora’s heals came clicking on the hardwood floor. “Don’t get her drunk. Especially in front of the crystal.”

Emma bowed her head down and stepped away, but Zelena just rolled her eyes. “I’ll buy you a new one if one of us falls over on it, Mother.”

Emma face was flushed so red that Cora even laughed a little. “Not to worry, dear. Though Regina would like to see you. She had a feeling Zelena here was up to no good. Go on.”

Emma and Zelena shared a look, and when Zelena winked at her, she finally tore away. Walking back to the kitchen was a long way, and Emma took a couple of wrong turns. But she finally made it to where Regina was rinsing her hands in the sink. All around her on the countertops were bits of food, hors d’oeuvres, and dinnerware. The kitchen had the mixed smell of turkey, stuffing, and pie crust. When Regina turned around, her face lit up in a smile at the sight of Emma. “Hi.” She looked over Emma’s shoulders. “Where are they?”

“In the study,” Emma answered. “Your mom caught us drinking Scotch.”

Regina rolled her eyes. “Don’t drink too much on just toast.”

Emma shrugged and leaned into Regina when she came in to hug her and place a kiss on her temple. “I like Zelena,” she stated simply.

Regina laughed. “She seems to have taken quite a shining to you as well.” She pulled apart enough to lock their lips together, and Emma melted into it. When Regina ended it, her voice changed drastically. “You doing okay, baby?”

Mama voice. Between her nerves, the Scotch, and Regina’s tone, Emma slipped ever-so-slightly, and hummed her answer. She had a hard time envisioning a cold Regina tearing away from her sister that she seemed to love so much. Zelena’s memory struck a chord with her that she felt deep down. Regina’s weakness was that abandonment that had first been showed to her by the sister she looked up to. And she carried it with her like armor on so many other occasions, giving her the ability to be the proud and gathered Queen, to stay away from intimacy from all of her playmates. Emma had changed that, broken those walls down. How had she done that? What about her made her so special? She’d probably never know what Regina saw in her, but the idea of Regina screaming for someone not to leave her made her want to curl up inside and never let Regina go.

“Hey,” Regina’s coaxing voice called her back. “You sure?”

Emma felt Regina grab hold of her wrist gently, and with surprise, she realized she was about to put her fingers in her mouth. She sighed out a tiny whimper, and a hand came to caress her cheek. Maybe it was Zelena’s story. Or maybe it was the fact that the reason Zelena had told it to her in the first place was because they had been talking about Emma’s hypnotism. The unlocking of bad memories. The fact that she needed to call Archie and figure this all out. Understand the dark room. The door opening…

 “Emma.”

She jumped, eyes coming back into focus, and seeing Regina’s looking at her intently. “I’m good,” she said quickly, pecking Regina quickly on the lips. And Regina was about to protest when a voice interrupted them.

“The turkey needs basting again, Regina.”

Both turned to see Cora in the entryway glaring at them, and Emma repeated the action from before of bowing her head down and stepping back. Regina, on the other hand, looked murderous, and grit her teeth. “I know when the turkey needs to be basted, Mother.”

“I’ll go keep Zelena company!” Emma said way too loudly, and ran out of the room before either woman could say another word.

She and Zelena spent the rest of the morning walking around the gardens and swapping funny stories: Emma about catching particularly sleezy criminals and Zelena stories from college. She decided she liked Zelena very much, and really hoped that the feeling was mutual seeing as how she and Regina were so close. Emma told Zelena about her mother walking in on she and Regina, and Zelena seemed to find the idea unbelievably funny. “I hope she has nightmares,” she cackled.

“What’s wrong between Regina and your mom?” Emma asked.

Zelena shrugged. “A lot, to be honest. But I think maybe Regina should be the one to tell you about it.”

“Will she, though?” Emma wondered out loud. “She doesn’t talk about her much.”

“They’ve never seen eye to eye. Mother isn’t an easy woman to get along with. She’s honestly a very cold woman. And Regina, well, she’s like a furnace. Completely different personalities. It isn’t Mother’s fault, and she doesn’t mean any harm. But it’s hard when you’re a child who seeks a lot of warmth and you don’t get it from the one person who’s assigned to give it to you…well, it leads to a lot of resentment.”

An arrow shot through Emma’s heart. “Yeah…” she breathed out. “I uh…know the feeling.”

Zelena just smiled. “Regina has a gift. She can sense things about people right away. Knows their needs, reads their feelings like a book. She must have seen that in you right away and just related to it so well.”

“Explains a lot, actually.” Emma said, and then looked at Zelena with an amused expression. “Can I like…keep you around all the time? It’s kind of nice to have a Regina decoder.”

Zelena threw her head back and laughed. “Shit, am I spilling all my little sister’s secrets? She’s going to kill me. Anyway, she’s easy enough to get to know if you just ask the right questions. Brutally honest, in fact.”

“Well, yeah,” Emma nodded. “She’s that too. But like you said, you have to ask the right questions.”

“If you are done psychoanalyzing me,” a familiar voice had them both jumping, and Emma looked ashamedly behind her to see Regina standing there, arms crossed. However, she looked amused as she glared at her sister. “And you are done fishing for information,” she directed towards Emma. “Dinner is ready.”

“I just earned dishwashing duty, haven’t I?” Zelena rolled her eyes.

Regina scoffed. “You earned that anyway, lazy ass. The cooks don’t clean in this house, as you’re well aware.” And she turned on her heal and marched back into the house.

Zelena giggled then, and took Emma by the arm. “Come on,” she coaxed. “Before we earn a punishment worse than dishes. Though I can’t imagine a worse fate.”

Emma was sat next to Regina as Cora and Zelena sat on the other end. The table was set with what looked like real silverware and china dinnerware. The most incredible cuts of turkey and stuffing cluttered the center of the table, followed by greens and cranberry sauce that certainly had not come out of a can. Emma had a fancy champagne glass put in her hand, and the four of them toasted to Thanksgiving before digging into the food. Regina made a note of putting far more green beans on Emma’s plate than she would have liked, but decided against fussing about it when she saw the pointed look given to her.

“So, no family to be with this holiday?” Cora asked once they started eating, in such a cheerily conversational way that Emma wondered if she was genuinely asking, or trying to get a rise out of her.

“Mother…” Regina started, but Emma cut in. They clearly had had something of a fight earlier, and both were fighting to keep a lid on it.

“No, it’s okay.” Looking from Regina to Cora, she shrugged. “I grew up in the foster system.”

“Oh,” Cora made a pained face. “I’m sorry, dear. That sounds difficult.”

Emma shrugged again. “It’s all I know. Anyway, some kids get lucky and get good foster parents or get adopted.”

“And you?”

“Didn’t,” Emma stated blandly. “I have two childhood friends I’m close with though. We usually do holidays together. But Regina and I decided to spend it with each other this year.” Emma looked over at Regina, who was smiling at her.

“Well, we are happy to have you,” Cora said.

Zelena raised her champagne. “Yes, very happy. I finally have a friend to play with,” she chuckled, ignoring the sour look from Cora.

“Are you drunk already?” Cora sneered.

Regina was hiding her smile behind a fork of mashed potatoes as Emma looked on at the glaring mother and nonchalant older daughter.

“I’m on vacation, thank you very much. Besides, some of this turkey will sober me up.” Emma had to admire Zelena, who looked completely at home being scrutinized by the severe look of Cora that Emma would have shrank under had it been directed at her.

“I apologize, Emma dear.” Cora said pleasantly. “I’m afraid our little family is a poor substitute for a true holiday.”

“I’m having a great time,” Emma countered, chewing her turkey. “I love Regina’s cooking. And now, yours.”

Regina gave Emma a look that said she had never been more impressed with her, and Emma wondered why until she saw Cora’s face turn softer than she ever had. “Well, you’re always welcome here. It’s nice to be appreciated.” Emma could have sworn she heard a “for once” whispered under Cora’s breath as she took a delicate bite of a green bean.

Regina’s face went tight again.

“I’m very appreciative of the amount of liquor in the house, and your cooking, Mother,” Zelena said sweetly as she leaned over to plant a kiss on Cora’s cheek. Cora pretended as if the gesture didn’t touch her, but Emma saw a secret smile play over her lips. However, Cora also flashed her eyes up to see if Regina was watching the exchange. If she was, she was doing a very good job of pretending that she was really interested in her meal.

Emma leaned under the table and gripped Regina’s thigh. She felt Regina’s body calm under the touch.

The small talk that followed with their meal would have been excruciating if Emma wasn’t so consumed by the amazing food she was stuffing in her mouth. She couldn’t even bring herself to join Zelena in her complaints as the two of them cleared the table, did the dishes, and cleaned the kitchen. She was rewarded with her efforts by the most incredibly spicy and delicious pumpkin pie she’d ever had, and after many pleads, got Regina to promise she’d make the pie for her at home very soon.

When they were finally leaving, plans for the next day to take a walk in the woods and on the beach as a “family”, Emma felt the exhaustion hit her as she sat in the car. She almost instantly closed her eyes, and felt her seatbelt being buckled for her as she heard Regina chuckle. “Somebody’s got food coma.”

Emma’s only reply was to suckle her fingers as she felt the car vibrate underneath her on their way back to Granny’s B&B. A hand was placed over her thigh, and before Emma knew it, she was being coaxed awake. “Come on, darling. Let’s go upstairs.”

Emma put her arms up instinctively, but was denied access to Mama’s arms. She unleashed a whine, and curled in on herself. “You have to walk yourself up,” the kind voice reasoned with her. It took a few more tries, but Emma finally obliged and lifted herself out of the car. Her eyes stayed nearly closed as a hand led her into the house and up the stairs to their room, where she wasted no time flopping herself on the bed.

***

Regina laughed to herself as she left Emma to it while she undressed. Once she had finished putting her clothes away and cladding herself in pajama bottoms, she went to the sleeping body and carefully turned Emma over on her back. Only a little grunt of awareness came out of her little one as she undid Emma’s pants and slid them down her legs. She carefully removed all articles of clothing: jacket, sweater, shirt, as Emma only helped by not fighting her when she was lifted to sit up. Going to Emma’s suitcase, she not only took out her pajamas, but also her paci. Emma had been going back and forth with sucking on her fingers since the car ride, so she needed to nip the behavior in the bud.

After dressing Emma, she was finally ready to join her in the bed. Once she lowered the covers to climb in, Emma crawled up next to her. “Milkies, Mama.”

Regina chuckled as she wrapped her arms around Emma. She needed to nurse, particularly after that meal, but was in awe at the amount of food that Emma could carry in her own stomach and still want more. She had actually been worried that Emma would refuse it after all she had eaten. She should have known better.

The tenseness of the day began to leave her as Emma latched on and suckled. Their peaceful little world started to close in around them, and Regina sighed in relief: first holiday with Emma and her mother down. Emma had handled herself well. Mother had behaved…mostly. Zelena had been Zelena. And now she was right back where she belonged, holding her baby to her. She hummed a tune as Emma coaxed her milk out, relieving her of the last tension of the day.

***

 

_Find that fucking kid!_

_Emma was pressing her hands against her mouth. Pressing and pressing so hard that she was cutting off the air to her nose, but she couldn’t help it. If she released any pressure, she was sure to scream. Poor Baby P, crying his heart out. What would they do to him? What would they do to Emma when they found her._

_She kept her eyes peeking out of the little crack in the door, seeing his long legs walking around the room, stopping at the bed and looking underneath, ignoring the red paint. He got back up._

_She felt more hot liquid pool out of her, and squeezed her eyes shut. Not now not now not now…._

_The door opened. Light flooded in._

_“Ah, Swan.”_

_Emma couldn’t move, frozen on the spot she was sitting at, drenched in her own urine, her teeth had come down on her hand and she could taste blood. The tears had stopped coming down._

_He knelt down in front of her, his face twisted into a strange smile. He simply stared for a long time as Emma heard Baby P’s cries come to an end._

_“Robert! Did you find her?” That voice again. Another man. She’d met him before. He always scared her. Now he was yelling at the man in front of her from another place in the house. Emma hoped he stayed away. He’d hurt “Mommy”, made her scream. Made Baby P scream._

_The man in front of her brought a finger up to his lips. “Sshh,” he whispered. “See that suitcase back there?”_

_Emma’s head whipped around to the back of the closet, where indeed a large suitcase lay forgotten under a pile of clothes._

_“Get it there. And don’t come out for a long, long time. Or he’ll kill you. Do you understand?”_

_Emma’s eyes widened, and despite her best efforts, a little cry choked out of her at his words. But she scampered to her feet and found herself frantically fumbling with the zipper on the suitcase. The light from the doorway dimmed down into nothingness, and she was left to feel her way around in the dark until she finally got it open and clamored inside. She felt it zipped closed from the outside. He was locking her in. “Remember, Swan. Stay quiet.”_

_And then lay as still as she could. Heard footsteps and voices, the man coming in and out of the room cursing. The man who had helped her saying that she must have run away. Finally, quiet._

_It took a long time for her breathing to calm, the air was stiff with the heat of it. She was wet and uncomfortable, but she was too afraid to move. She started to shiver, but ignored it as she listened…listened…waiting._

_A strange thing began to happen as she lay there: she lost track of consciousness. A distorted dreamland took over her senses: stuck, unable to move, hungry, bored, scared, damp…fitful sleeping. She’d wake in a panic, try to move, but couldn’t, fall back into nothingness from being so exhausted._

_This was it. She’d die in here. She might already be dead. What did she know? Who knew what death was? Maybe it was being locked in this dark nothingness for forever. Gasping for air. Not able to move._

Emma’s gasp turned into a scream, which made it harder to suck in air. But once she felt the oxygen hit her brain, she couldn’t get enough of it, body craving more and more that it just couldn’t seem to get. She wanted to stop screaming so that she could suck in as much as she could, but it seemed impossible. There was a horror in her chest that needed to be released, shooting out of her lungs and raging through her throat. She was in the strange in between, that feeling that she was supposed to be awake, but spirit still in dreamland…nightmare land.

Her throat was wide open, letting out inhuman howls as she thrashed, finding room for her limbs. Sweet, empty space for them to roam free in. Cold, crisp, endless air. It felt so good. But that feeling, that entrapment, aching limbs and back, air running out, stomach growling yet flipped over in knots. She couldn’t get a grasp on her sensations, on her emotions. She was lost. She was drowning in the in between of it all. A speck lost in the abyss of nothingness.

And somewhere outside of the horror, was a warm body and a pleading voice. She tried to hold onto it, but she couldn’t seem to find it.

***

Emma’s body was rigid, eyes wide in horror but no registration in them of the world around her. Gone again, back there. The sounds emanating from her mouth were unreal, ear-shattering. Wherever she was in her head, she was completely immersed in it. She wasn’t breathing, though she was trying desperately, sputtering and coughing.

Regina fought her panic down. And that wasn’t easy to do. Watching the woman she loved go through such agony, not able to call her out of it, was absolutely terrifying. She saw Emma’s lips turn slightly blue, and felt her heart begin to pound.

“Oh Emma. Breathe, baby. Come on. Breathe for me…” she loomed over Emma’s rigid body, white as the sheets she lay against, drenched in sweat and, Regina could tell, more. She didn’t care. She just wanted Emma to come back to her. Her hands went to Emma’s face. “Fuck,” she sobbed, tears beginning to cloud her vision. Emma wasn’t snapping out of it.

Taking in a deep breath, she winced as Emma let out another howl, arms flailing and legs kicking as if she were trying to pop them out of their sockets. She looked as though she couldn’t find enough room. And then it hit Regina: Emma was searching for space, but in doing so, she was completely devoid of any anchor. There was nothing holding her to the earth. She was literally flailing into a void.

Regina grabbed Emma gently, and pressed their bodies together, fighting to keep Emma against her chest as Emma kept fighting for purchase. “Sshh, Emma, it’s okay,” she called, soothing a hand over Emma’s hair, desperately rocking them as her own little sob escaped her. Emma’s body was so shaky, she might as well have been a lone leaf whipped around in a storm. “Oh baby…please!” Regina closed her eyes tightly against the warm and damp temple she nuzzled into, waiting as she felt Emma’s flailing come less rapidly, her screams held less and less conviction, her back sputtering less and less and smoothing out. “That’s it. That’s my good girl. Breathe. You’re Mama’s fighter, remember?”

A despairing “Ma!” was cried out, followed by pitiful whimpers as Regina felt Emma’s hands begin to search and find purchase to Regina’s shirt.

“That’s right. Mama’s here. Good girl,” Regina continued to rock them, continued to smooth down Emma’s sweaty hair with a caring hand, continued to hold Emma to her. “My little fighter. Sshh…”

Soon, weak and exhausted sobs fled that shaking little body, and Emma slumped against Regina, spent. Her hands were clutching hard, finding their purchase. Still shivering, Emma stopped flailing her limbs, and instead curled up against Regina, who pulled until Emma was firmly in her lap, head tucked under her chin.

They stayed that was for a long time, the fight slowly leaving Emma’s body, Regina’s shushing starting to work, and both of them began to breathe in unison: slowly, deeply, shakily. “Emma?” Regina called in a tender voice.

Emma answered with a little sob, a fist clutching harder onto Regina’s shirt. Regina responded with smoothing her hand up and down Emma’s back, but no matter how gentle she was being, Emma released a whimper and a fresh set of terrified sobs.

“Oh no…I’m sorry. R’gina!” She’d realized that she’d wet herself, and tried to clamor away from Regina.

Sighing, Regina clutched tighter to Emma’s body. “Oh Emma. Baby, it’s okay.”

Emma’s hands released her shirt, and she curled in further on herself, hands coming up to hide her face. “I’m sorry!” she whimpered.

“Emma,” she crooned, soothing a hand down Emma’s back. “I don’t want you worrying about anything but breathing right now. Please. Just relax.”

“I was trapped! In the suitcase!”

Regina felt her heart turn to ice, stilling inside her chest. “What?” the word left her mouth before she had time to think.

“I couldn’t get out!” Horror painted each word.

Shivering, Regina lifted Emma’s face to her own, and stared into those wide, red eyes. “Somebody locked you in a suitcase, darling?”

“No, he…I mean yes he did. But he tried to…” a strange realization came over Emma’s face, and Regina could literally see in Emma’s eyes the capture of another memory. “…save me.” Surprise turned the end of her sentence up.

Regina felt her heart pounding as so many shots fired off in her head at once. The nurturing part of her was terrified, wanted to wrap Emma up in a protective cocoon and kiss all of this pain away, scared she wouldn’t be able to soothe her no matter what. The protective part of her was screaming in her head: _what the fuck is she talking about? Who the fuck did this to her?_ And the last part, the part that was beating so hard against her rib cage, was shattering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a cliffhanger. The next chapter will pick up right where we left off. There's a lot to unpack from Emma's new revelation. So stay tuned!!!


	18. Back to Boston

The green in Emma’s eyes shadowed over, nearly black. Her skin so pale, Regina could see the veins popping with blue colors. She felt like she had just been drown in the sea, and Regina fought to keep her panic from the revelation under control as Emma trembled against her.

And then Emma’s eyes rolled in the back of her head. “Emma? Emma!” Regina tried to gently shake her, but there was no response. Despite every instinct to hold onto her, she lay Emma down and ran to the side of her bed, dialing 9-11.

She gave the dispatcher her location, tried to explain what the problem was. They kept her on the phone, but Regina wasn’t registering them talking to her. She was crouching over Emma, calling her name, petting her damp hair, pleading with her to wake up. It took years for a knock to come to the door. She opened it to a team of people, and just like that, she was out of control of the situation. Strangers had their hands on her baby, shining lights in her eyes, calling her name.

Tears were streaming down Regina’s face so hot and fat that it was difficult to see as Emma finally opened her eyes. “Who…who are you?” A bit of that feistiness Regina loved shone on Emma’s face as she snapped up and gave an accusing look at a young man looming over her with a flashlight to her eyes.

“You’re alright. My name’s Billy. I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” he said kindly. “Do you know your name?”

Regina could see the sweat on her upper lip, her eyes wide and glassy. Emma ignored his question. “Where’s Mama?”

So many feelings reeled through Regina, she thought her chest would explode. Emma wanting her, terror in her eyes, calling for her mama to a complete stranger. That was when she knew that Emma was still in the half-awake stage, panic overtaking her senses, not realizing what she had said.

 As if magnetized, she felt her feet move forward, coming into the space of the team of first responders. “Emma,” she whispered. “It’s okay. They’re here to help.”

The look of confusion on Emma’s face tore at Regina. She looked as if she thought she was dreaming, not sure if any of this was real, begging Regina for answers.

“She’s in shock,” the young man addressed Regina before turning back to Emma. “You’re going to be just fine. Come on,” he called to his team, who in unison, moved Regina out of the way and hoisted Emma onto a stretcher. Her hand reached out for Regina, but nobody would let her take it.

She wanted to rip the hell out of the first responder who kept her out of the way. She wanted to burn them all to the ground just to take that hand. But instead she was left in the room as everybody else fussed around Emma, took her out and away.

She wasted no time grabbing her keys, her phone, and went to follow the ambulance to Storybrooke Hospital. As she felt her body on autopilot, she pumped numbers into her phone and put it to her ear.

“Turkey keeping you awake, Sis?” the chipper voice on the other end let Regina know that Zelena had been awake the entire time.

“Zelena…I need your help.”

***

Every minute felt like a long night as she sat in the waiting room, head in her hands, ignoring the looks from the few other individuals who were there. Storybrooke only had one hospital, and it was quiet despite it being an emergency waiting room. That is, until the doors opened to reveal Zelena charging through.

Regina felt a sense that things were alright even when they certainly weren’t, but just her sister’s presence made the entire ordeal seem bearable. Zelena was very well put together for being called in the middle of the night. She was dressed in decent business attire that surprised Regina. It didn’t occur to her to bring her court clothes home for Thanksgiving. Leave it to Zelena to have a business wardrobe prepared even if she were stranded on an island. She noted Zelena’s spotless makeup while she had barely managed to put on shoes as they carted Emma out of their room.

Regina rose to meet her sister, and Zelena wrapped her up in a warmer hug than she was prepared for. She squeezed back, but the stiffness in her body was apparent. She couldn’t fall into this comfort. She needed to stay strong. “Hi, bun. What’s the news?”

Regina took a breath as she pulled away. “I don’t know just yet.” She looked Zelena over. “You got here quick.”

Zelena rolled her eyes. “Mother insisted on drowning me in coffee in the evening since I’d ‘drank so much’.” She used air quotes and imitated Cora’s voice. “You gave me something to do instead of buzzing around that boring old house…no offense.”

A young doctor came out just then and called Regina’s name. She whirled around and tried not to run forward, Zelena hot on her heals. “Yes, I’m Regina.”

“Dr. Whale,” the doctor held his hand out, and Regina shook it. “And you are…?” he eyed Zelena.

“Dr. Mills.” Zelena shook his hand as well.

“Ah,” realization dawned on his face, and he smiled slightly. “Mayor Mills’ daughters. Sorry, I didn’t recognize you.” Regina said nothing as Zelena smiled pleasantly at him. Most individuals who lived in Storybrooke had done so their entire life, but the Mills sisters hadn’t attended school here. It was possible that as children, they had run across many of the now adults during their summers of adventuring in the woods, wading through the river, playing in the parks. Regina didn’t remember any kid specifically, but figured that she or Zelena would have been memorable from the sheer fact that they were foreign to the town. “Follow me, please.”

He led them through a door, and they walked down a long, sterile hall, the smell making Regina’s blood curdle: disinfected over sick. “Emma’s doing just fine. We’re monitoring her heartrate. She basically had a massive panic attack. Went into shock. We’ve got her on some mild sedatives to keep her calm.” He stopped outside of a door, and Regina couldn’t help trying to peek inside, but the room was very dark, and she didn’t have a great view.

“Is she awake?” Regina asked hopefully.

“Yes,” he nodded. “Drifting in and out. It’s better to keep her calm until we know what set this off.”

“She had a flashback,” Regina stated, and Dr. Whale turned and gave her a surprised look.

“Flashback? Of what, exactly?”

Regina opened her mouth, but nothing came out. What the hell was she supposed to say? That her girlfriend had witnessed a murder as a child and oh yeah just relived somebody locking her in a goddamned suitcase?

“Doctor Whale,” Zelena cut in. “If I may, I’d like to talk to the patient. Miss Swan is living with severe trauma, and it’s imperative that it is treated properly by a psychiatrist.”

Whale narrowed his eyes, and looked down at the chart in his hands. “Are you…treating Miss Swan for this trauma?”

“I am now,” Zelena said under her breath, and strode passed both of them. Despite the situation, Regina had to bite back her grin at the shaken look of Whale being told who would be seeing a patient in his own hospital, and she followed her sister into the room.

It was dark, a curtain around the bed half-opened, revealing the worn-out body of her Emma, blonde hair splayed out like a yellow frame of a sheet-white face. Her eyes were purple and sunken as they lay closed, lips the color of frosty fingertips. She was absolutely still. Regina felt like she had been punched in the gut, and stopped mid-step as she opened her mouth to gasp in air.

Zelena had approached Emma’s bedside, but turned back around to look at Regina, and held a hand out to her. “Come on, bun,” she whispered.

Regina gingerly stepped forward, as if moving would somehow break the girl on the bed. But she took Zelena’s hand. “Emma?”

Those sunken eyes opened slowly, and followed the voice. Regina let go of Zelena’s hand to lean closely to Emma and caress her face with a tender hand. “Hi baby,” she whispered, smiling despite the emotions within her. Emma’s eyes changed then, recognition coming over them and trust flooding their expression. They brimmed with tears, and Regina realized that it was matching her own as one fell down her face. She smiled despite this, and as caressed Emma’s cheek, Emma’s hand groggily came up to place itself over Regina’s, and their fingers intertwined. Emma’s muscles were lax, so Regina squeezed just barely.

“Look who else is here,” Regina gestured to Zelena, who leaned down and brushed a piece of hair away from Emma’s face.

“Hello, Little Love,” she whispered sweetly, as Emma’s eyes rested on her, barely registering.

Emma’s lips cracked as they tried to smile, and she looked back at Regina, whispering so softly that the sisters had to strain their ears to hear it. “Wanna go…” she winced as she tried to sit up, and looked down at the needle jabbed into her hand. She must not have noticed it before, because the sight of it earned a tiny whine of fear, and she tried harder to sit up.

“Sshh, just relax,” Regina rested a hand on Emma’s chest, but Emma fought it, hands coming up to grab at Regina, clearly gesturing to be held.

“Wanna go!”

“Baby…”

“Now, Emma,” Zelena’s voice cut in, and the tone gained immediate authority as her hand led Emma back down alongside Regina’s. “We’re going to breathe, aren’t we? Take a big breath. Through your nose. That’s it.” Emma was following the orders, fear still shadowing her face. “You know Regina wouldn’t let you be here if you weren’t safe, love. Let the breath out.”

“That’s right, darling. What’s my promise to you?” Regina’s hands instinctively went to Emma’s legs, rubbing them soothingly, hoping the tense muscles she felt there would start to relax.

“Keeping me safe,” a little sob.

“Good girl, Emma,” she encouraged as Emma took in another breath.

Zelena gave Regina a sideways look, and when Regina met her eyes, she saw a tiny smirk creep onto Zelena’s face before she turned back to Emma. “You are going to be just fine, darling. I’ll let the two of you talk for a moment. Regina, coffee?”

Regina nodded, and Zelena pecked her on the top of the head before whisking out of the room. Emma was looking at Regina with half-closed eyes, her tongue coming out to lick cracked lips. “What happened?” her voice was hoarse, tired. Regina found a chair near the corner of the room, and fetched it to scoot it close to where Emma’s head lay. She sat and began petting Emma’s hair away from her forehead.

“You had a dream. Do you remember?”

Emma blinked slowly, brows furrowing. “Why am I here?”

Regina felt her eyes sting again, and when she answered, it came out barely a whisper. “I couldn’t wake you. You weren’t breathing.”

Emma just stared at her, eyes glazed and foggy, a lot like when she was little, but her whole face showed a much different expression. She wasn’t relaxed at all, in fact, fighting the medication that she was on, her features twisted with confusion and anxiety. Then she sucked in a quick breath. “Couldn’t breathe. The suitcase…”

Regina’s heart thumped once in her chest before stilling. “That’s right. You were telling me about a suitcase.”

“I got left there…” she stopped and blinked slowly again, head turning as she took in a deep breath. “I couldn’t get out.”

“Who left you there, darling?”

“Mama. Wanna go…” a gasp wracked Emma’s chest as she tried to sit up again, and Regina put another resting hand on her chest.

“Sshh…Emma….”

“Alright, girls. Let’s get back to our breathing,” Zelena walked in, giving Regina a pointed look that clearly said to stop asking Emma questions about her trauma, and handed her a hot Styrofoam cup. “The coffee’s shit, but it’ll do.”

“Thank you,” Regina said quietly. Emma’s voice was weak, and she hoped that it had been too weak to carry to Zelena as she had come in.

“I just had a chat with the doctor,” Zelena said conversationally as she checked Emma’s chart at the foot of the bed. “You’ll be free to go by mid tomorrow. In the meantime, do you mind if we do some chatting, darling?” she addressed Emma, who looked to Regina for reassurance.

Regina smiled at her, brushing Emma’s cheek with the back of her fingers. “It’s up to you.”

“Can Regina stay?” Emma asked.

Zelena chuckled, shrugging, “Of course! Between the three of us, I’m not officially your doctor. But I think Archie might be unreachable at the moment, eh? Food coma at 3 am after Thanksgiving and all that,” her British accent was thick at this hour of the morning, Regina noted. Zelena pulled up another chair and sat next to Regina, her look turning all business. “Emma, I’m not going to make you relive your trauma if you don’t want to. What I’m going to do is give you some exercises to try and help you calm yourself down when you feel like you’re going back there. Does that sound alright, love?” Emma gave a slow nod.

“Good. However, right now, you need your rest. And I’m really going to encourage you to be treated by Archie when you get home. I know I told you this already, but sometimes hypnotism can bring things up we weren’t prepared for. I think that’s exactly what happened to you, love, and it’s important not to ignore your symptoms.”

“I remember everything,” Emma cut in, eyes going dreamy as she stared up at the ceiling. “The blood. The closet. The suitcase.” She turned back to look at Regina. “I was in there for forever. I couldn’t get out…”

Something started beeping fast, and Regina looked up to see Emma’s heartrate start to shoot up. She was out of her chair in no time, caressing Emma’s face. “Sshh, it’s alright baby. I’m here. Nothing’s going to happen to you anymore.”

“Wanna go…” her voice turned up again, the longing in her eyes following Regina, tears brimming her face.

“Take that breath again, Emma,” the commanding, business, but also caring voice from Zelena. She grabbed hold of one of Emma’s toes and squeezed it gently between her fingers. “Focus here,” she guided.

Emma looked at her confusedly.

“Focus on your toes. Feel them?”

Emma nodded.

“Good girl. Take a breath. And when you breathe in, focus on the feeling of your toes.”

Regina watched as Emma took a breath, very unsure of herself.

“Now breathe out, and when you do, focus on your toes feeling calm. Just your toes. Don’t think about anything else.” Emma let out a long, slow breath. Her eyes closed. “Every breath you take, move up your body. Breathe in, focus on your feet. Breathe out, focus on them feeling calm. If you’re not ready to move on to your shins, use your next breath to focus on your foot again. Go on…”

Regina held Emma’s hand as Zelena narrated Emma breathing in and out, calming each separate body part. And the further they got, the more lax Emma’s hand became in Regina’s, the slower the beeping from the heartrate machine. She brought the hand to her mouth and kissed the knuckles that were turning warmer with every moment. Emma turned her head towards Regina, her eyes nearly closed but trying hard to focus as she whispered: “Mama…” and then was asleep.

Regina let out a shaky breath, and rested her forehead on her and Emma’s hands that were still tangled together.

“Speaking of which…” Zelena took her phone out and began tapping buttons, taking a sip of her coffee, and Regina looked over at her incredulously. She was acting as if she was waiting in line at the supermarket. “Mother will be up soon. I’ll text her and let her know we’re all at the ER. That’s should scare the living hell out of her.”

“Seriously?” Regina said through clenched teeth. She wasn’t in the mood for Zelena’s nonchalant attitude just then. She was holding her girlfriend’s hand, who just so happened to be laying in a hospital bed. It was nearly four in the morning and she was exhausted and irritated. Her breasts were starting to ache, and there wasn’t a damned thing she could do about it. Now on top of it all, she was reminded that her mother wasn’t far off, and the last thing she wanted to do was explain any of this to Cora.

Zelena stopped texting to looked back at Emma’s chart. She scoffed under her breath, acting as if Regina wasn’t even in existence much less glaring at her. “These goddamned MDs. Point seventy-five milligrams of Xanax every 4 hours without any other type of treatment. Lazy…”

“It’s an ER.” Regina’s jaw hurt she was clenching it so bad. “Not an uptown New York psychiatrist office.”

“It’s fucking lazy,” Zelena retorted, and gave Regina an equally annoyed look. “Relax, bun. I will keep Mother off your back. And if you think it’s shocking to me that Emma is in the habit of calling you a much warmer euphemism than “mother”, then I’ll remind you I’m a damned good psychiatrist, and even better at reading people. Especially you.” she rolled her eyes and grabbed Regina’s forgotten coffee cup from the bedside table. “I’m getting you more of this. You really need it. I hate you when you’re cranky.” She whisked out of the room, leaving Regina to gape after her.

***

Emma slept for several more hours, leaving Regina to sit with Zelena quietly in the room, waiting for the sun to come up. Zelena dozed a few times, but Regina was wide awake, staring at Emma’s still frame on the bed.

“You should get some sleep, bun,” Zelena’s groggy voice protested as her head came up from resting against the wall.

Regina shook her head, never taking her eyes off of Emma. Despite everything, she looked beautiful laying there. A sleeping beauty no matter how frail. “She needs me,” she answered, hand coming over the rails of the bed to bring the covers up to Emma’s chin.

 

“She needs you rested just as much as you need her to be,” Zelena countered.

Regina shifted slightly, and winced at the pressure in her breasts. It had been building up for the past few hours. She closed her eyes, a frustrated tear falling on her cheek.

“Mother always said she thought you’d be the psychologist, and I’d be the lawyer,” Zelena said out of nowhere, and Regina looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. Zelena just smiled. “She said I was the bitch and you were the heart.”

“Ha,” Regina couldn’t help the laugh escaping her. “Mother admitted I had a heart?”

“Oh, fuck off. Mother is well aware. It’s the main reason the two of you don’t get on.”

“That is _not_ the main reason, and you know it.” Regina felt her teeth clenching again.

“Since you brought it up,” the tenor in Zelena’s voice made Regina turn to her, and her face was all seriousness, looking Regina over carefully. “Why didn’t you tell Emma about Daddy?”

Regina kept her voice as smooth as possible as she turned her eyes back to her sleeping little one. “She didn’t ask.”

Zelena scoffed then. “Now whose giving false reasons?”

“Zelena,” Regina pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m really grateful you came out here tonight, but…”

“Oh no,” Zelena was up and out of her chair, her voice staying low, but the tone had shifted completely. It was devoid of all banter. “Don’t you dare shut me out. You want to avoid difficult conversations with Emma, fine. But you don’t get to do that with me.”

“What is it you want me to say, Sis?”

“I’m not sure if I want you to say anything.”

“Good, because right now, my emotional cup is a little full. I can’t do this with you right now. I can’t deal with Mother, I can’t talk to you right now about Daddy, and I certainly don’t need you judging my relationship with Emma.”

“I am not judging your relationship with Emma, bun.” Zelena’s voice had gone soft, and Regina trembled as she let out a quiet sob, the vision of sleeping Emma clouding under her tears. “I just,” she came to crouch down next to Regina, hands on her little sister’s face and arm. “I want you to be happy. I know you’re scared right now. I’m sorry I brought it up. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Regina felt herself melting in her chair, the anxiety starting to exit her body through low sobs, and Zelena had her on her feet and in her arms. She felt her tears wet Zelena’s shoulder, but couldn’t bring herself to lift her face. That was, until she pressed too firmly into her sister, and she let out a painful gasp. She shrunk away, arms instinctively coming around her chest as if that could hide the discomfort. Zelena eyed her for a moment, gaze falling down Regina’s body and then rising back up. Regina looked away and back to the bed. Emma hadn’t moved a muscle. The machines over her were steady, beeping softly.

She was so tired. Her body ached. She just wanted that peaceful face resting on the bed to stay that way, for Emma to be okay. But her words ran through her mind like wildfire _. I was trapped. I couldn’t get out._ Somebody had hurt her Emma, and for whatever reason, the memories had come flooding back that night. Maybe it was the hypnotization like Zelena said. Maybe it was the stress of everything happening. Maybe it was being in a new town, meeting her girlfriend’s family. It didn’t matter. It had happened. And Regina felt different sides of herself fighting battles. Wanting to go out and murder the offender, wanting to pull that sleeping body in her arms and hold her and rock her, wanting to crash into the corner and just have a moment to freak out. It was all just too much.

“You’re exhausted,” Zelena shook her head and took Regina’s hand. “I’ve got an idea.”

***

Emma opened her eyes slowly, white clouding her vision. White curtains, white sheets, white floors. Everything around her. She felt like she was floating, but at the same time, rooted to her spot. How could she feel so heavy and so free all at once?

There was a soft beeping near her, and also the sound of a fitful breath. She was on her side, and felt an arm draped over her body. That’s when she found the scent underneath all of that sterile, creepy medicine smell: Regina. Regina was in there somewhere, flooding her senses. The arm around her was familiar, she knew the weight of it, the shape of it like it was her own. It seemed to take forever to turn her head, but when she did, she saw Regina behind her, fully clothed and completely asleep, spooning her on the hospital bed.

Despite the strange cold of the hospital, Emma felt warmth take hold of her ribs and spread through her chest. Regina was here with her. Regina hadn’t left her, hadn’t run for the hills, hadn’t abandoned her in this strange little ER.

Oh yeah, the ER. Emma was in a hospital bed because she…well, what? She wasn’t one hundred percent sure. She had vague memories of being in their room at the bed and breakfast, of Regina crying, of her feeling cold and trying to breathe.

That’s what it was. Emma had woken up, and tried to breathe, but couldn’t. As scary as the memory was, Emma couldn’t bring herself to get worked up over it. She just felt so calm. So heavy.

She was snapped out of her reverie as the arm draped around her came alive, rubbing up and down her arm. Instinctively, she scooted back into the body spooning her, and felt a kiss on the back of her head. “It’s okay, baby,” she heard Regina’s voice whisper softly in her ear.

She must have been showing signs of upset, but if she had been, it was instantly soothed by Mama’s arms tightening around her. She sighed, nuzzling into the feeling of it. “I feel so strange…” she breathed out, and wasn’t sure if she was making any audible noises.

“It’s the medicine. It’ll go away.”

Emma blinked hard, trying to focus her vision. It wasn’t easy. Every muscle in her body felt like it was taking a nap under the sun. “I ruined Thanksgiving,” she said. There was a pause, and then despite everything, both she and Regina began laughing.

“And Halloween,” Regina said. “Better suit up for Christmas.”

“I’ve got big plans for New Years,” she slurred, and found herself wrapped up tighter in the arms behind her.

“I love you,” Regina kissed her neck, eliciting a giggle from her.

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Because I’ll bet you could find someone with slightly less baggage.”

Regina didn’t laugh this time, but gave Emma a series of light kisses, making her giggles turn to tired laughs as she struggled to move away, but couldn’t with her limp muscles. Regina relented quickly, and squeezed her tighter. “I wouldn’t trade you in for all of the boring, less baggage-type women in the whole world.”

“I love you too,” Emma sighed, squeezing her hand as much as she could on top of Regina’s as it continued to hold her.

“Well that’s just so damned cute I might vomit,” Zelena waltzed in with a giant smile on her face, carrying a tray of what looked like really unappetizing, plastic snacks. “I’ve got just the thing for nauseating love. Hospital food!” She held the tray up with a huge, cheery grin.

“Ugh!” Emma melted further into Regina as if she’d be able to hide her, and buried her face in her pillow. “No food.”

“You must be out of your mind,” Cora walked in just then, and Emma wished she really was relaxing on a beach under the sun; she would have happily buried herself in the sand. “if you think I’m letting that girl eat a single bite of this disgusting food with all of the leftovers we have from yesterday.” She took a couple of Tupperware containers out of her huge designer purse, and plopped them on top of the tray Zelena was holding.

“Hello Mother,” Emma heard Regina say behind her, monotone and all.

“They won’t release her until they see on their chart that she ate their plastic edibles,” Zelena said to Cora. “Hospital rules. They mark it on their patients’ charts.”

Cora looked at Zelena as if she were the stupidest person in the world. “And you’re under the impression that those rules apply to us?” she winked at Emma. “Being mayor of a small town has it’s perks, dear. Now,” her eyes shifted to Regina. “You two enjoy that,” she nodded to the food. “Zelena and I are going to get out of your hair. We’ll see you this evening. Come, dear.”

Zelena put the tray down on the table next to the bed.

“Zelena?” Regina called as she started walking out.

“Hm?”

“Close the curtains?”

A little smirk came over Zelena’s face, and she obliged, leaving Emma and Regina alone in the room. Emma felt Regina scoot up on the bed, and she began turning Emma around gently. “Come here,” she whispered, and Emma gave it her all to turn and rest her head on Regina’s chest. But she quickly realized that Regina was unbuttoning her blouse.

“We can’t…”

Regina sighed. “Nobody will come in without us hearing them. You need to nurse.”

She would have panicked, or felt strange about nursing there, even if they did have privacy, but the medication kept her calm. And once Regina exposed her breast, she simply couldn’t resist. The scent of her lover engulfed her, and once she latched on, she felt a wave of peace splash over her. Her body went completely limp as Regina held her to her breast, as she took the first suck and felt the Regina-flavored milk hit her tongue. There was a lot of it, and Emma realized that Regina had probably been waiting for this with full breasts. If she were fully alert, she would have been able to process the implications of what that meant for their future, but at the moment she was too consumed with her task. The taste of Regina’s skin, the familiarity of the nipple she suckled from, the calming hum she could hear in her ears and feel the vibrations of as she rested against Regina’s chest, it all sent her drifting.

It was still hard to relax the way she would like, but nobody ended up disturbing them as she nursed, and afterward, Regina left the bed to get the food that Cora had dropped off. Emma made a face, and protested, but Regina wouldn’t hear of it

“Five bites from each dish,” she said.

“Three,” Emma countered, trying to keep her chin high in defiance, but Regina was still better at negotiating than her.

“You’ll have four, and that’s only because you’ve already had your milk.” But Regina was kind enough to not only go as slow as Emma needed her to, but to also make the bites smaller.

“I ruined the mattress at Granny’s didn’t I?” Emma blushed as she lowered her eyes to the ground.

Regina gave her the same kind, understanding smile she always did. “It doesn’t matter. I’m taking care of everything. I only want you worrying about getting better.”

Emma felt a jab in her chest. What a terrible first impression she had made in Regina’s childhood town and with her family. The crazy girl who wets beds and ends up in the emergency room from nightmares.

She was given another dose of Xanax right after she ate, and with a full stomach and her nerves calmed, she was back asleep. It didn’t feel like she had been, however. By the time she woke up, Regina had all of her paperwork done and she was gathering their things to leave, Zelena and Cora waiting outside of the room as Emma was guided out with Regina’s arm around her waist. Cora had gone to Granny’s and gathered their things, as Regina had made the decision that they needed to get home that day instead of waiting. Emma had wanted to protest, but in all honesty, she felt so out of her element, that she was perfectly happy to let Regina take the reins.

“I hope we get to do this again at Christmas,” Zelena quickly transferred their luggage from Cora’s car into Regina’s trunk, and she came up to wrap Emma in a bear hug. “You’re so much fun,” she kissed Emma on the cheek, who couldn’t help but blush and laugh.

“She was hospitalized!” Regina said incredulously.

“Well, call me morbid, but I still think she’s good fun,” Zelena stated, undeterred.

Predictably, Cora showed no emotion towards the departure, absently kissing both Emma and Regina on the cheek and giving them a formal-sounding: “Goodbye, dear. Drive safe.”

Zelena, on the other hand, was nearly teary-eyed. “You remember what I said to you,” she looked at Emma pointedly. “And I’ll be calling Archie to make sure you follow up. If not, I’ll be taking a little detour on my way home,” she threatened with a smile and a wink.

“I will. I promise.”

“I’ll make sure,” Regina cut in and the sisters embraced. Emma could have sworn she saw Regina’s eyes mist over. This was a new feature, one that Emma felt guilty for, as the night before she had caused Regina to cry numerous times. And that was unbearable to her. She hated the idea of Regina hurting because of her. She hated the idea of anybody hurting because of her.

On their way home, Emma went back and forth between trying to check her voicemails and text messages, and glancing over at Regina to make sure she wasn’t too tired to drive. Ruby and Mary Margaret had sent her several memes and well-wishes that she finally got back to, leaving out her little adventure to Storybrooke General Hospital. She also had a few voicemails from August from earlier that morning. As in, four am earlier. She laughed under her breath. Leave it to August to work well into the night on Thanksgiving.

She tried to check the messages on the road, but didn’t have great service through most of their trip, so she decided to wait until they got back home to check them and respond. Home. She was well overdue to go back to her house, but there was a part of her that really didn’t want to. Emma wasn’t a girl to be scared of much in her life. She had gone it alone for so long that she was willing to weather pretty much any lonely night and random nightmare. But these flashbacks were something new, something she couldn’t control, and the memory of not being able to breath terrified her. She shuttered.

As if sensing her unrest, a hand was on her thigh, and Regina squeezed gently. “How you feeling, love?”

Emma shrugged. “A little tired. Regina? I don’t want to take any more of those pills.”

Regina looked at her sideways, but gave a tiny smile. “Zelena wasn’t crazy about the doctors prescribing them to you. How about if you start to panic, we try our breathing exercises, and if those don’t work, you can take them as a last resort?”

_We._ Emma felt herself nodding. “Where am I staying tonight?” she decided to ask. As for many things recently, she decided to leave it up to Regina, who since last night had been showing certain signs that Emma was all too familiar with. Those same looks from the first night she’d picked her up at the emergency room, from the night she had come to the house after it had been vandalized. The gestures she made when Emma was flashing back were becoming constants in every day activities like eating or walking with each other. Regina was in uber protective mode, and while she didn’t mind it, she also wanted to try and ensure that she was okay, that Regina didn’t have to worry so much. Did she?

Regina took a moment to answer, eyes focused on the road as she said, “If it were up to me, I’d like you to stay with me a little while longer.”

“Up to you?”

A smile then. “Yes. I’m not going to tell you what to do, Emma. We’re going to discuss it and decide together. But I’d feel much better if I kept an eye on you.”

“Okay,” she said quietly.

“Just okay, or are you agreeing with me?”

Emma gave her a funny smile. “What’s the difference?”

Regina chuckled then, the hand still on Emma’s thigh began rubbing it. “The difference you just doing what I want to please me or you also wishing to stay with me.”

“I do want to stay with you,” Emma countered. “I just…don’t want you to get sick of me.”

Regina’s demeanor changed then, hand coming up to tuck a piece of hair behind Emma’s ear, and she looked over with those adoring eyes that made Emma blush. “Still not giving yourself any credit,” she said softly. “I’m not going to get sick of you, baby.”

Emma dozed in the car off and on until she was finally woken to the familiar surroundings of Regina’s parking lot, and they unloaded the car to the elevator. Emma felt an instant relief upon entering the apartment, as if the front door was a threshold into their own little world, a place that couldn’t be touched by anyone, occupied only by them.

“I need a shower,” Emma grumbled. She could smell the hospital all over her, and she hated it.

“I think we both do,” Regina sighed as she turned the thermostat up so that the apartment began warming.

They showered together, both clearly exhausted as Regina soaped up Emma first and washed her hair before taking care of herself. Emma had her eyes nearly closed, fingers coming up to her mouth. She sucked peacefully for a moment before she felt the water turn off and Regina grab her gently around the waist. She jolted awake, and received a chuckle as Regina wrapped her up in a large, fluffy towel, patting her down. Emma was sure that Regina was also drying herself off and toweling her hair, but she couldn’t seem to pay attention to it. She was so tired, the weight of the weekend coming over her, that she simply stood with her eyes half closed, waiting for her mama to guide her. Regina sat her on the toilet seat and took time drying her hair, brushing it out, before doing the same with her own. She was led to the bedroom and dressed in warm pajamas, all the while limply following instructions and leaning on the inviting, warm body willing to take care of her.

But Emma gained some consciousness, and some of her anxiety, when Regina began guiding them towards the bed. Instead of following, she planted her feet, and gave Regina large, worried eyes when she was given a questioning look. “Come on, sweetheart.” When Emma didn’t move, Regina turned back to her, stepping into her space, hands on her waist. The look on her face told Emma that she was also tired, but concerned with her resistance. “What is it?”

“What if…what if I…?” Emma couldn’t finish the sentence. Her eyes glanced at the bed, so inviting, all of her favorite pillows and blankets just waiting for her, Mama’s arms clearly looking forward to wrapping her up so she could sleep in them. But the night before came charging into her head. Not so much the nightmare, or flashback, or whatever the doctors and Zelena wanted to call it. That was bad enough, and she didn’t want to go through it again. But she had a hard time dealing with the embarrassment of wetting the bed at Granny’s. She couldn’t bare the idea of that happening in Regina’s bed, nor was she very keen to have it happen with Regina right next to her. Again. Seriously, what did this woman see in her?

Realization dawned on Regina, and she let out a soft sigh as she wrapped Emma up in her arms. “Oh, baby,” she soothed, running her hands up and down Emma’s back. And Emma had a really hard time not letting the gesture take over her inhibitions. Regina was so forgiving, so understanding. How, Emma didn’t know. But she couldn’t imagine taking advantage of it, or being careless with it. That just wasn’t fair. She felt a kiss pressed to her temple, and the whisper tickled her ear: “What would make you feel better?”

Emma shrugged. What the hell was she supposed to say? Nothing she said could make this better, but for some reason, Regina’s light little chuckle always did. “Everything is going to be just fine,” she murmured, leaning backward so that she could find Emma’s lips with her own, and Emma could actually taste some of Regina’s comfort. “Stay here,” she whispered, and let go of Emma to walk back into the bathroom, coming back out with a large, dry towel. “A quick fix just for tonight, just in case? And then maybe the two of us need to have a different conversation later. But right now, I think we both just need some sleep.”

Emma stood and watched Regina put the towel down on her side underneath the covers, questioning the term ‘different conversation’ and what it could mean, but not bothering to ask. She knew Regina wasn’t going to discuss anything with her just then. It was bed time. She found herself rubbing her eyes with her fists. Her head was foggy, the aftermath of the medication leaving its mark. Her body felt sore from the uncomfortable hospital bed, and sleeping in the car. Now she was about to be in her favorite place: the most comfy bed in the world in the arms of the most incredible, kind, and beautiful woman. And that feeling engulfed her further when she felt her fingers being taken away from her mouth (how did they get there?) and her paci put in their place. A new level of comfort and relaxation smoothed over her, and she leaned into the kiss planted on her head, ready for sleep. A hand guided her to the bed, and she lay down, almost immediately finding herself in Regina’s arms.

She curled into the body, head resting on Regina’s chest, a hand rubbing the small of her back, the other cradling her neck. The raspy humming she loved so much filled the air as Regina lulled her. The towel underneath her helped ease her anxiety. It wasn’t the comfiest feeling in the world, but it would do. She sighed around her paci, suckling it softly, as a hand came up to Regina’s shirt and clutched it, her eyes going up to look up, meeting Mama’s soft and adoring gaze. “Sleep now, darling. Everything’s going to be alright.”

If Emma had any other thoughts, she didn’t remember them. She was out before her brain could even form a response.

***

Emma woke with a start. She had a strange feeling that a dream had caused her some discomfort, but it vanished before she had a chance to grab hold of it. She sat for a moment as her surroundings began to register. She was stuffed underneath several covers, the towel below her slightly scrunched as if she’d kicked it around in her sleep. Regina had turned over, dark hair cascading on her pillow, mouth partially open as she breathed softly. Emma gazed at her for a while, taking in her beautiful features. She looked so peaceful, Emma didn’t have the heart to wake her. But she was thirsty, so she gingerly got up and padded to the kitchen for a drink.

Once pouring herself a glass of water, she heard a familiar noise in the distance, and realized that they had left all of their things in the entryway: suitcases, keys, and cellphones, and hers was beeping to an annoying degree.

She walked into the entryway and began digging for her phone, following the text alert sounds. She finally found it and the screen glowed up in her face, making her eyes hurt.

August. She had been so tired and relieved to be home that she had totally spaced calling him back. But of course, that hadn’t deterred him much. According to the phone, it was one in the morning, and August was clearly still up and at ‘em, attempting to get her in on a gig. Once the thought entered her mind though, she was skeptical. As far as August knew, she was still out of town. Why would he try to get ahold of her to come out and work? No, that wasn’t it. She unlocked her phone and went through her texts. He had left several so far.

**8:12 pm: Hey kid, I’ve left you messages. Call me back when you can.**

**8:57 pm: Oh and happy thanksgiving yesterday. Whatever.**

**10:27 pm: Hey I’ve got something for you. Stop making out with Regina and fucking call me.**

**12:52 am: Dude, seriously call me. Graham found something.**

Emma’s heart jumped into her throat. She quickly found his contact and hit the call button. He picked up almost right away. “Finally!” he grunted. “You said you were going to Maine, not Timbuktu. What’s up with your phone?”

“Nothing’s up with my phone. It’s a long story, but I’m back in Boston. What did Graham find?”

“Why are you back in Boston?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Never mind! What did he find?”

“Okay,” Emma could hear some papers rustling around in the background, and she waited impatiently as he got his things together. “Well, your hunch was correct. Your name popped up in a case. Reason it took so long was because it was far back enough to where the case itself wasn’t anywhere digital. You popped up in the database, but then he had to go fishing. Anyway…” more paper rustling. “the case you were brought up in is an old cold case. I um…I’d rather meet with you to talk about it.”

Emma felt her teeth clenching. “You called me to talk to tell me you want to talk?”

“It’s uh…” Emma heard a shakiness in August’s voice that she wasn’t used to. He wasn’t the type to skirt conversations, especially with her. “It’s kind of delicate stuff. He wasn’t able to give me everything. Just things that had already been leaked to the press and all of that. But what he found…well, it isn’t pretty, Em.”

Emma scoffed. “Let me guess: I was found in a house with my murdered foster mom?”

Silence for a while on the other end. Then a stunned, “Yeah. Emma, did you fucking know that?”

“I’ve had some discoveries of my own lately,” she said flatly. Then, her eyes widened. “Wait, did you say this was a cold case?”

“Yeah. They never found a killer. Files mentioned she had been heavy into some drugs. May have even had some gang affiliations. Anyway, they never narrowed down a suspect.”

Emma felt a strange panic start like a pinprick in her chest and spread throughout as if oozing through her veins. “I uh…I think I may have their answers.”

“Emma, wait.” August’s voice sped up. “There’s more. And I really don’t want to talk about it over the phone. Can we meet tomorrow or something? Early?”

Emma looked down the hall to where she knew Regina was still fast asleep, oblivious to the chaos rising up in her. “Okay,” she said absently. “Yeah, I’ll meet up with you. Nine o’clock? The Diner?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there,” August sounded weary, and Emma wondered if her thought process was seeping through in her voice, letting him in on it. There were pieces of that puzzle now that she had had some sleep, now that she was talking with her business partner that she was used to being in a certain problem-solving mindset with, things were starting to slide next to each other beautifully. She hung up the phone, continuing to stare down the hallway. Regina. Beautiful, perfect Regina. She’d go back in there tonight. And then, in the morning, she had some things she needed to do.

***

A strange shift in the weight, rustling of the mattress and covers, made Regina stir. She grunted her displeasure, and turned over to drape her arm around her love, only to find the space empty. Her eyes opened, and instead of Emma sleeping next to her, she was sitting up, staring ahead as if watching something. “Emma?” Regina sat up, bringing a hand to rub Emma’s leg. “Are you alright?”

Emma snapped out of it, and turned to her. Her eyes had brightened up, skin looking much more full of color than they had as of late. It felt good to see it. However, there was still a worry on her brow. It smoothed when they locked eyes, and Emma smiled. “I am. I woke up a little while ago. Couldn’t get back to sleep.”

Regina scooted up to sitting position, nodding. “I think it’ll take us a couple of days for our sleeping patterns to return to normal.”

She planted a kiss on Emma’s arm, and squealed in happy surprise when Emma spun around and wrapped her up in a hug, spooning her and wrestling them down to the mattress. Regina began laughing as Emma tickled her with kisses to her neck and down her collarbone, and they fought for dominance until Regina finally had Emma pinned to the bed, kissing up and down her jawline. Emma was getting over her giggles when she looked up and said: “I really kinda like you.” The look on her face was more serious, despite their little romp, and Regina noted the crease in her brow again, as if something were really on her mind. But she didn’t want to press. In fact, the way Emma had just said that, a naughty smirk coming across her face, chin held up as if in defiance. It made Regina laugh more.

“I kinda like you too,” she leaned down and drew Emma’s lips in. “Maybe,” she said in between kisses. “I can tire you out, and we can go back to sleep for a little while.” She felt Emma match her laugh underneath her, and hands went to her butt and squeezed. She gave a tiny moan in response and rolled her hips down against Emma’s groin. However, she raised her head to look Emma in the eye again, her face turning more serious as she brought a hand up to caress Emma’s cheek. “My little one,” she sighed, and Emma came up to lock their lips together. The kiss was soft, and Regina felt an ache inside, one that she had been fending off since the previous night. She had been so worried, so overrun with terrible thoughts and what if’s that a huge part of her still felt incredibly protective, and she was having a hard time keeping those feelings at bay.

“What is it?” Emma followed Regina’s gesture and touched her cheek softly with a gently knuckle.

Regina felt the back of her eyes sting, and fought to put a smile on her face. “Nothing,” she murmured, distracting Emma with another kiss. She didn’t want to bring it all up right now. Emma was fine, right here in her arms, and the moment felt perfect. She sealed their lips again, and as Regina tasted Emma, she felt it deepen as her lover’s tongue asked for entry. Regina invited it, and their kiss turned hungry, passionate as a groan permeated the air, unclear who it came from. Regina felt her core alight, dampness becoming noticeable in between her legs.

But when Emma tried to take over and roll Regina on her back, she pulled away. A strange hesitation loomed over her, her brows furrowing as Emma stopped and pulled away to look at her. A questioning expression replaced her usual disobedient playfulness as the two looked into each other’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Regina realized that Emma was suddenly looking very self-conscious, as if trying to figure out if Regina was changing her mind about the moment. She bit her lip before she answered. “I just want to hold you tonight,” she said slowly. “I just…”

Realization dawned on Emma’s features as the confusion subsided. Regina knew that it was clear on her face how turned on she was. She wasn’t ignorant to the look that came over her, how her eyes darkened just like Emma’s were as they started to make love, so Emma had figured out that a lack of passion hadn’t been the problem. It was something else, and Emma was quickly figuring out that Regina didn’t want to play, she didn’t want to fight for dominance, or even _have_ dominance tonight. She was far too emotionally raw from the last twenty-four hours for that. In response, she gently pulled Regina down again for a soft kiss, and whispered when they pulled apart: “then hold me.”

Regina responded by deepening their kiss, pressing her hands down Emma’s body, lightly raking her ribs, caressing her thighs. She felt so good. She was so soft. Her own body responded to each feeling on her fingertips, wetness pooling in her panties, cheeks heating up. She wanted to wrap Emma in her arms and watch her as she came undone underneath her. And that thought made a lightbulb go off in her head, so she suddenly let go and pecked Emma on the lips.

“I’ll be right back,” she leaped off the bed and to her closet where she kept their toys. Looking back, she saw Emma moving her hands up and down her own body, groaning into the air. She grinned and removed her clothes, finding their favorite toy and returning. When Emma’s eyes landed on hers, she saw them darken as they realized that she was naked. They traveled down to her hand, and Regina raised a brow. “We haven’t brought our friend out in a while,” she said as she climbed back on top of Emma, pressing their lips together in a heated lock that had Emma moaning underneath her. “Is this alright?” she whispered.

Emma’s response was to throw her arms around her neck and her legs around Regina’s waist, pressing their foreheads together as she let out a shivering “yes,” and Regina smoothed her hands down under Emma’s shirt to lift it up. Emma helped, and soon her torso was bare, Regina’s lips coming down to press hot kisses on her clavicle. She could feel Emma’s heartbeat underneath her touch, fast but steady, and she felt her own soar at her baby’s health. Emma was fine. Right there with her. She realized that she had let go of the feeldo, now resting on the mattress next to them, and she was holding on to Emma tightly.

“You’re so beautiful,” she said without thinking as her eyes trailed down her lover’s creamy skin, pale underneath the night sky’s light coming in from the window, the city lights illuminating the body under her. Emma was restless, hips rolling up to meet her, breathing turning heavy, eyes hooded as they watched her kisses make a pathway down her belly.

“Want you,” a voice said. Almost little, but not quite. Lustful, all her Emma. Her hand went and closed around the feeldo, moving it in between them, and Regina felt fingers at her entrance. Her eyes fluttered shut as Emma’s digits played with her folds, and she felt wetness pooling as Emma gathered it and massaged it around her opening. She let out a shaky breath as she allowed Emma to prepare her, locking eyes and running her fingers through long blonde locks. Once she felt ready, she nodded to her lover, who pressed the bulb of the toy inside her gently.

Her head dropped next to Emma’s as it popped into place, and a guttural cry escaped her lips. It filled her up, alighting more lust deep within her, and she couldn’t help but grind down against the hand. “Oh baby…” she whimpered against Emma’s ear. She couldn’t wait to feel that bulb massage her walls as she entered her partner, couldn’t wait to hear those cries she loved so much filling the air. In a burst of desire, her fingers found the hem of Emma’s pants, and she rolled them down her legs until Emma was naked against her. She lowered herself down, a hand going in between to return Emma’s previous gestures. What she found there sent another shock through her body, lighting her stomach on fire. The folds in between Emma’s legs were slick with her heated arousal, lips and clit swollen, waiting. It ignited an animalistic growl from Regina, low and shameless. She needed to brace herself. She wanted this to last.

Emma’s hips came completely off of the mattress when Regina pressed one finger inside of her, meeting her gentle thrust until Regina was in up to her knuckles. And the feeling around her digit took her breath away. Emma’s walls were so hot and soft, so ready for her. It felt incredible. She heard an inaudible plea near her ear, and bent her finger, massaging the spongy area just above Emma’s entrance before pulling out and pumping in again.

Her own walls tightened around the bulb inside her, stretching her, making it difficult to keep a steady breath. “R’gina…please.” The feeling of Emma and the tone in her voice let Regina know that it was time. She removed her finger from inside her partner, and brought her arm around the small of Emma’s back, supporting her as she used the other hand to guide the feeldo to Emma’s entrance.

A hitch of breath as Regina pressed it in ever so slightly. The pressure against her core made her grit her teeth as she was met with slight resistance. Emma’s hands were on her cheeks now, and she guided Regina to her lips, where they both crushed together. Regina entered her lover’s mouth with a feverish abandon, letting Emma’s taste fill her senses, and she wondered then: _is this what it’s like for Emma when she nurses? Being consumed by the taste and smell of the one you love until you can’t see past them?_ The thought sent a spark of arousal in her belly as she pictured little Emma suckling from her, being cradled in her arms, and she pushed into Emma’s walls slowly. Emma broke the kiss to throw her head back and cry out, voice thick with arousal, but Regina still watched her, looking for signs of discomfort. However, Emma’s legs had wrapped around her waist and her body had flushed to the point that Regina could read the pleasure. Emma was okay. She could continue.

Regina kept that protective arm around Emma’s back, finding a slow and steady rhythm to pumping in and out of her girl’s walls. She felt nothing but her own as the bulb pulled at her and then pushed back in with her thrusts, and she felt so close to Emma as she knew that the feeling was mimicking what she was doing to her partner.

Emma had straightened her head again, eyes searching for Regina, who met them. The moment they locked, Regina felt an overwhelming emotion overtake her, influenced by the last twenty-four hours, and all of the events that had built up to it. This young, seemingly independent woman she had met at a club, who just needed to be shown that trust wasn’t weakness, that it could go both ways between two people, was exquisite. How quickly Emma had made a home in her heart, and how much she had given to Regina in return. This woman who had been through so much, but was still going strong. She was perfect. She was everything Regina had ever wanted.

“Are you okay?”

Regina hadn’t realized that Emma was caressing her cheek, giving her those concerned eyes until she spoke. She blinked, Emma coming back into focus, her question sinking in. Her mouth then spread in a watery smile, and she thrust deep inside Emma’s core, earning a beautiful whimper, before leaning down to kiss that jawline. “More than okay,” Regina whispered into Emma’s ear. She felt a shiver rack through Emma’s body, and she tightened her hold. “You feel so good,” she murmured as she found a faster rhythm, going deeper now inside Emma’s waiting walls. “My darling girl…”

Emma wrapped her in a tight hug, hips coming up to set a still faster pace, and the two of them locked bodies as if they was one as they succumbed to the desire. Regina closed her eyes, hiding her face in Emma’s shoulder as she let the pleasure overtake her, a familiar buildup beginning inside. She could feel nothing but Emma’s hands on her and the amazing pressure inside her pussy as she searched for her climax. It began creeping up as she listened to the wet sounds of their lovemaking only interrupted by pleading in her ear from her lover.

“R’gina…oh god. I’m gunna…”

“Sshh,” she managed just before releasing a cry of pleasure as a particular spot was hit inside her. “Emma…baby.”

Their breathing began matching: erratic, desperate, loud and tinted with cries of pleasure. Regina’s groin was slapping against the back of Emma’s thighs, the wet noises of their lovemaking only interrupted by those cries. Regina felt Emma bury her face in the crook of her neck, and she turned to croon in her ear. “My beautiful girl.”

Emma was whimpering her name over and over. “R’gina, R’gina,” as if pleading with her. Her walls were starting to clamp down, the heels of her feet digging into Regina’s back.

“I’ve got you, darling.” She held tighter and moaned as a particularly good spot was pressed against. It made her vision blur. She thrust hard just to feel it again, and the pleasure nearly brought her over the edge. “Oh!” She brought a hand to Emma’s head, cradling her closer. She could feel Emma’s breath hot on her neck, could feel absolutely every part of her. So fragile in her arms but strong in her soul. Fucking hell, she was everything.

“I’m coming!” the announcement was cut off by Emma’s body stiffening, legs clenching around Regina’s ribs so tightly that Regina nearly lost her breath. But just as she was about to try and catch it, her own climax hit her. It stilled every part of her, that moment of knowledge that when it reached her brain, it was going to take her over barely had a chance to register as the release rushed out of her.

She cried out what she thought was Emma’s name, but knew she was unable to form those types of sounds. Her pleasure spilled out of her, each wave making her hips thrust involuntarily into her trembling lover, whose own orgasm was crashing through her as her walls were wonderfully assaulted by Regina’s movements.

As the waves came fewer and far between, Regina caught her breath. Still clutching the bulb inside her, she shivered as her arms held tighter to the warm body against her. She tried to pull out, but Emma pushed against her, rolling them over on their sides, legs intertwined, both of them still very much filled up by the toy.

She soothed Emma’s panting with caressing fingers on her cheek, softly shushing her. “Sshh…my sweet girl. Sshh…”

Emma’s eyes began to droop as she allowed the affection to affect her, still keeping contact with Regina’s. She gave Regina a drowsy smile and chuckled, turning her face to peck the petting hand with her lips.

Regina giggled, not able to help how sweet Emma looked in that moment: face flushed that beautiful pink, husky breathing evening out but still peppered with guttural moans of pleasure, lids hooded and eyes dark. “Now,” she slurred, “I think I’ll be able to go back to sleep.”

Laughing, Regina reached to their feet, and pulled up a wayward blanket. She draped it over Emma and herself, and pulled their bodies as close together as she could. “I love you,” she whispered against Emma’s forehead, pressing her lips there. When she didn’t get an answer, she looked down to see that Emma was already asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to cliff hang the hell out of you guys this weekend, but decided against it. Don't rush to thank me: things are gunna start getting real.
> 
> Much love to yous guys! Say hello!


	19. Run

Regina experienced a multitude of strange sensations as she came to. The first was a pressure in between her legs, one that wasn’t wholly unpleasant. And the more conscious she became, the better it felt. The second was on her chest, and it was a relief in pressure. This was also a feeling that got better and better as she slowly woke. She hummed the pleasure she felt out loud, and opened her eyes to discover their origins. That was when she remembered: she and Emma had fallen asleep naked in each other’s arms, their feeldo still very much inside them. Now it appeared them Emma had woken up, and she was lightly pumping her hips, causing friction, while she was attached to one of Regina’s breasts.

It was still dark outside. The early morning had not yet let the sun break through. Emma’s skin was covered in the shadows of the room, her brilliant blonde hair the only source of true illumination from a reflection of a city light hitting it perfectly. Her eyes were closed, one hand gently massaging the side of the breast she was attached to. Tiny whimpers were vibrating against Regina’s skin, rumbling through her chest.

Regina smiled, and dipped down to kiss the top of Emma’s head. “Do I have my very Little One with me this morning, hm?” she whispered.

Emma hummed lowly, and opened her eyes in response. Immediately, Regina could tell that she was under. Deeply. Her eyes were bright but far away, not registering anything else around her but the face of her mama and the breast she was attached to. She was suckling in short, quick successions, tiny hiccups making her body jump every few seconds. Regina could feel she was running out of milk on the breast that Emma was attached to, but the other was still quite full. This was confirmed for her by her little one’s face screwing up and making a whining noise as she tried to continue sucking with no reward.

Regina chuckled, lowering her hand and felt in between their bodies. There wasn’t much lubrication, and she didn’t want to hurt Emma, so she pulled out as slowly as she could. Even so, Emma’s lips unlatched, and she let out a sigh that was mixed with pleasure and pain. “Mama’s here, sweetheart,” Regina cradled Emma’s head, kissing her crown. “You’re okay.”

When she was all the way out, she released Emma to take the feeldo out from herself. It was strange to feel how empty she was after so much time with the toy inside of her. Realizing that Emma must be experiencing a similar sensation, she sat up and pulled the sleepy body into her lap. Holding Emma to her, she began rocking them, and found the towel she had laid down for Emma earlier, using it to gently dry what lubrication Emma had at her entrance.

Emma whimpered, and turned her face to Regina’s skin, rooting for a nipple. Regina guided her unmolested breast to Emma’s mouth, and when Emma latched on, the rigidity of her body from the toy being removed and being lifted, quickly dissipated. She sighed, and Regina felt the breath tickle her breast. Emma’s eyes closed, happy grunts emulating from her throat as Regina wrapped the towel around Emma’s groin and bottom, and then pulled up a blanket to cover her little one. “That’s my good girl,” she whispered, taking Emma’s hand in her own and resting it on her chest. She held it as she rocked them, and she couldn’t imagine a more perfect moment: Emma so small and she there to care for her. That strange, unexplainable euphoria that she always felt when she nursed was melting over her. And little Emma was cooing around her breast and blinking up at her with sweet, sleepy eyes as she suckled. There were few times when she looked more beautiful.

Regina glanced at the clock: 3:27 am. They had several more hours before the sun even came up, and she was all for having a little one until then. Emma had had an exhausting couple of days. Allowing her to let go and let her mama take care of her was exactly what Regina wanted to do.

Her milk began to run out, and she put a finger in between her nipple and Emma’s lips. “Mama…” the protest dragged in Emma’s exhaustion.

“It’s all gone, baby,” Regina patted Emma’s toweled bottom, but was met with resistance, Emma squirming in her arms as her hands balled into fists. “Time to go back to sleep, darling.”

“Milk,” she whimpered, and Regina saw the start of tears coming into her eyes.

“No more, Emma.” Regina’s voice held more authority than before, and she brought Emma up to sit straighter, cradling her head to her shoulder. She continued to pat Emma’s bottom as her little one squirmed, fitful tears starting to fall on Regina’s bare shoulder.

Emma rubbed her eyes against Regina, and let out a pitiful sob that was clearly for show, trying to pull at Regina’s heartstrings to maybe give in to a bottle. “More milkies? Please?”

“No, baby,” Regina rubbed Emma’s back, turning to kiss her temple. “Let’s get your paci, love.”

Another protest, but Regina’s eyes scanned the bed and found the paci just above a pillow on the other side. She reached for it, and brought it to Emma’s mouth. Emma turned into the crook of Regina’s neck, hiding her face.

“Emma,” Regina used a warning tone. “Be a good girl. Come on,” she coaxed the paci to Emma’s lips, and Emma made a face before begrudgingly taking it.

Despite her fighting, the effect was immediate. Regina felt Emma’s whole body melt against her, and her head nearly crashed against her shoulder. Regina chuckled, continuing to rub up and down Emma’s back. “That’s it. Good job, baby.”

She heard the light suckling of Emma with her paci, and began slowly lowering them down so that they were laying on the mattress again. Emma nuzzle into her chest, a hand coming up to Regina’s face and resting there. Regina wrapped her arms around the slight, naked body against her, continuing to soothe the sporadic whimpers with rubs to the small of Emma’s back.

***

Emma woke up alone, light cascading into the room from the windows. She was laying in a strange position on the bed, different from where she remembered falling asleep, and racked her brain for an explanation. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep against Regina with the feeldo still inside her, feeling so unbelievably wonderful and complete. She didn’t know if she and Regina had made love like that since their first time. She was still buzzing from the experience.

Regina wasn’t in the room, and Emma smelled coffee wafting in from the hallway. She smiled to herself and got out of bed. When she did, she noticed that the towel that had been laid down last night was wrapped around her like a loincloth, and her smile faded. She and Regina needed to have a couple of very serious conversations: one about breastfeeding, and one about the fact that Emma was legitimately concerned with the fact that her nightmare slash flashback had caused her to wet the bed. In a strange way, she was happy that had not happened at Regina’s; the idea of ruining her girlfriend’s mattress was almost enough to make her want to jump into oncoming traffic from shame. Not that what had actually happened felt any better, really. But at least she was removed from the situation. How Regina had righted it had been very much expressed that it was not her problem, and Emma felt a glow of appreciation towards Regina. She did way more for Emma that she could ever deserve, but tried to swallow that line of thinking down. Regina had made it pretty clear that Emma’s self-deprecation was something she needed to work on.

As for the breastfeeding…she loved it. She quite literally couldn’t find enough words to explain just how much she truly loved it, but it had already showed its inconvenience from her stay in the hospital. Regina had needed to nurse, and Emma wasn’t available to do so. What was supposed to happen when she went back home, and she couldn’t nurse every morning and night? What was Regina supposed to do in the middle of the day? The whole thing seemed like way too much work, and Emma didn’t want to task that to Regina just so she could get her fix for it.

But then that thought process started to dig a huge hole in her chest. No more milk meant she needed to stop nursing from Regina altogether. And that thought made her eyes smart. But she had to think about the woman she loved, who in all other situations put Emma first before anything. She had to be willing to do the same.

She removed the towel and was surprised to not find any of her clothing in her suitcase. Regina had taken it out at some point last night and hung most of it up in the closet. Smiling to herself, she got dressed and padded down the hall to find Regina sitting at the table, a steaming mug in one hand, and a phone pressed to her ear by the other.

“Everything’s fine, Sis,” she was saying. “Emma slept well. We haven’t had any issues. I think she does better when she’s in familiar surroundings.”

Emma cleared her throat, making Regina turn around, and she gave Emma a huge toothy grin. “Hi baby,” she mouthed.

Emma walked up to her and bent down to get a morning kiss that was returned enthusiastically. “Morning,” she whispered. “Hi Zelena,” she said louder, and Emma could hear the shrill voice on the other end:

“Hi cutie!”

Emma chuckled and walked into the kitchen to pour herself a mug of coffee. When she came in to sit down, Regina was hanging up. “Sounds like you have the weekend, and then she’s going to be on you about checking in with Archie.”

Emma sat down and nodded. “Yeah, I know. Speaking of which, I’m meeting with August this morning. He found some things for me that his cop friend managed to dig up.”

Regina looked up at her. “What did he find?”

“Not sure. He wouldn’t tell me over the phone.”

“Alright,” Regina answered. “I’ve got a few things around here I can take care of while you do that. When do you leave?”

“In a little while.” Emma sighed. “I know we need to talk,” she looked down at her mug, not sure where to begin.

Regina, however, seemed much more chipper than she was, and started scrolling through her phone. “I’ve been doing some shopping,” she said, and Emma gave an “oh god,” before the lightness in Regina’s voice turned to laughing as she rolled her eyes. “Oh stop. Anyway, if we decide to continue nursing, I’m going to order a breast pump. They’re easy enough to use. That buys us some freedom.”

Emma stayed silent as she looked her girlfriend up and down. The screen was glowing in Regina’s face, and she seemed perfectly peaceful as she scrolled, sipping her coffee with a tiny smile tucked into the corner of her mouth.

“Do you…are you okay with doing all of that?” Emma stammered, carefully watching Regina’s expression.

And the expression went from happily searching her phone to looking up at Emma with incredulous eyes, smile widening. “’Okay with it’ isn’t exactly the term I would use,” she answered. “I’m very much all in, and I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you are as well.” When Emma blushed and stared back down at her mug, Regina put her phone down and cupped Emma’s cheek, making her glance back up. When their eyes met, Regina’s head tilted slightly in clear adoration. “You forget, I watch you while I nurse you. I hold you, feeling your body, feeling you relax. I can literally feel your happiness. It’s so palpable that it almost consumes me. And if I weren’t so full of that happiness myself, then maybe I’d have more hesitations about it. But I am. Emma…”

Emma’s eyes had drifted down again, but at Regina’s calling, she bit her lip and looked up. She saw that rawness in Regina’s gaze. Not exactly the same as the night before. Then, Regina had been so vulnerable, so consumed by the previous worry and stress. This was a different kind of rawness, this was her unwavering adoration filling in her eyes for Emma to see.

So, Emma nodded. “Yeah,” she whispered. “Yes. Please. Let’s continue.”

Regina’s smile grew even wider, and she put her mug down so that hand cupped Emma’s other cheek, pulling her in for a kiss. “Good girl,” she praised as she pulled away, and Emma blushed again.

“Speaking of which…” Emma was about to ask if Regina needed her to nurse, but the other woman was shaking her head, turning back to her phone and her coffee.

“Not since earlier this morning. So maybe at lunch.”

Emma stared at her. “Huh?”

“I checked the clock then. It was about three thirty, so I think I’ll be okay for a while.”

Emma felt a strange uneasiness, and narrowed her eyes at Regina. “What do you mean?”

At this, Regina looked at her sideways, amusement clear on her face. “When you nursed this morning? That was at about three thirty.”

“I did?” Emma was gaping at Regina, racking her brain, trying to remember. Her last memory was of falling asleep in Regina’s arms with the toy still inside of her. She didn’t even know if she had dreamt last night. If she had woken up without the feeldo, something must have happened in between then and now. She would have thought she’d remember she or Regina removing it. But none of that was ringing a bell anymore than the towel being wrapped around her like a loincloth. Much less nursing.

Regina tilter her head at her. “Don’t you remember? You talked to me and everything.”

“What did I say?”

“Well, you were fussy,” she laughed, leaning over to tickle Emma’s side, who jumped away with a yelp. “you little brat,” Regina taunted. “And you just kept asking for milk. Emma…do you honestly not remember?” She was giving Emma that amused chuckle that she did when she thought something Emma was doing was cute. Emma grinned and shook her head. “You were probably just half asleep.”

Emma didn’t say anything to that. She simply nodded and got up to go and fetch her phone, fairly unsettled that she could do so much without remembering any of it. “I’ve got to go meet August.”

But she stopped when she heard Regina call her name again. “Emma, wait. We have some more talking to do,” her amusement was gone, and there was an edge in her voice that Emma recognized. She was about to bring up something that was going to make Emma uncomfortable, and she was weary of doing that. Emma closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. She didn’t want Regina to feel so apprehensive about making her uncomfortable. Their communication was everything to her. Still, she didn’t have the first clue how to approach this subject.

Turning around, she smiled at her partner. “I know,” she said. “But maybe…that conversation can wait until later today?”

Regina looked at her for a long time before answering, her eyes soft but clearly showing her mind racing. “As long as it’s later today, yes. I don’t want us to wait before tonight. And a solution…might require some other shopping?”

Emma sighed, and nodded. “I know,” she repeated as she walked back to Regina and pressed their lips together. Regina tasted like the sweetness of her skin that always made Emma’s head swim and a tinge of her creamy coffee, and she suddenly wished she could remember nursing from the night before. “I love you. And…I’m sorry.”

Regina’s head was shaking as she said, “You don’t have to be…”

“I know,” Emma cut her off. “I know you don’t want me to be, and I know you aren’t judging me at all. But I can’t help it. It’s just…hard to change the way I feel about it. I just want you to know.”

Regina was on her feet, and pulling Emma into a hug before she realized the sting in her eyes was coming dangerously close to actually spilling the tears. “It wasn’t something you could help,” she whispered as she pulled back from their embrace to take Emma’s hand, bringing the knuckles up to her lips to kiss them tenderly. “And even if it was…Emma, do you remember when we talked about boundaries?”

Emma nodded.

“And what did I tell you?” Regina kept kissing each of Emma’s knuckles, that sweet smile spreading across her face while she waited for Emma to answer.

“You said…” Emma swallowed, trying to keep her composure, but the gentleness of the woman holding her was only making it harder to keep her tears from falling. She didn’t deserve Regina. “that you didn’t have very many.”

“That’s right,” Regina murmured. “And I meant it. Emma,” she finally drew her attention away from Emma’s knuckles, and met her eyes. “We will do what you are comfortable with. Because if you remember my other boundary, it is you being honest with me about what yours are. And I need you to please respect that boundary. I don’t want you to ever agree to do anything you aren’t comfortable with just because you think it will make me happy. But I want you to know where I stand on this. I have no hesitations, and no negative feelings whatsoever about you having an accident. Nor do I have any negative feelings about certain solutions that would keep that from happening. Quite the opposite.” She winked at Emma with a wry smile, and Emma marveled at how despite the conversation, Regina always managed to make her smile and blush. Regina giggled. “Now,” she let go of Emma’s hand to wrap both arms around her lover’s waist, rubbing her back soothingly. “if you decide that me helping you is a line for you, I completely support your decision. There are plenty of other options we can choose. I just don’t want you worrying about wetting the bed every night we go to sleep. I hate seeing you worry, baby. Not when there isn’t any need.”

A betraying tear fell down Emma’s face, and she closed her eyes. As she did, she felt Regina press their forehead’s together. She honestly didn’t know how she felt about this. Before the night before last, she hadn’t given it a single thought. She had been perfectly happy with the arrangement so far, was even finding it easier to slip into headspace, and that had been keeping her plenty occupied. So why was this one bothering her so much?

And then it hit her: all of the other things that she and Regina had done had been one hundred percent by choice. They had identified a desire, or a need, and they had walked into it together, hand in hand. This had been thrown at them, dropped down in their lap without either’s consent as if to say ‘You better figure this out, because it’s here to stay.’ And that’s the part that really bothered Emma. She could never have another experience like Thanksgiving night, but that wouldn’t keep her from worrying that she would. The chance would always be there.

But looking at Regina, Emma could see that her worry didn’t stem from anything other than Emma’s own worry. Despite what she felt about it, she realized that in the past couple of days, Regina had been absolutely nothing but supportive and caring towards the whole situation. She wanted to roll her eyes at herself. After all this time, what did she expect? When had Regina been anything other than supportive or caring? And that thought, despite any trepidation, warmed Emma to the entire subject.

She must have been silent for a long time, so lost in thought, because she felt Regina squeeze her, and a soft kiss to her cheek. “I love you, my darling girl.”

Emma sighed and turned her head into the crook of Regina’s neck, closing her eyes and feeling them dry up. “I love you too.”

“Take your time,” Regina whispered.

                                                                                              ***

The bug died twice before she was able to get it on the road. She let it sit for nearly fifteen minutes before taking it across the bridge and into downtown. Having it sit in the cold without starting it for a couple of days had left it temperamental.

She and August texted back and forth, making sure their meeting time and location was on, and she was off, heading towards the diner, her second cup of coffee, and another not-so-fun conversation. Whether or not August had found anything more than Emma remembered herself was something she was questioning, but she knew that there were plenty of details that she as a little girl were probably not privy to at the time. The fact remained: she had been present during a murder. Her questions for August were more about the aftermath. What happened to her after that? She had been in a suitcase to hide, sure. It felt like forever as a little kid, but she honestly didn’t know if it had been just a couple of hours. How long did it take for adults to find her? Did she get out herself? Why didn’t she remember any type of police officers talking to her or anything afterward? And most important: what had happened with Robert Gold?

As she drove on, her phone rang, and expecting it to be August, she answered without even looking at the caller ID. “Yup,” she said absentmindedly.

An eerie, high-pitched laugh of glee filled her ear, sending a bone-chilling shiver down her spine. “You’re back, aren’t you?”

“Back?” Jesus. How did the voice know she was back anywhere, much less that she had been out of town in the first place?

“Little Swan, back from her trip.” The voice was almost singing, albeit the most intensely creepy song she had ever heard.

She shooed away that tremor that slid down her spine, emboldening her voice to try and make it even. “What do you want?”

“Ah,” the rickety sound of a laugh. “What a good question! You know what I was thinking about earlier?” If the answer wasn’t rhetorical, Emma still wouldn’t have answered. “I was thinking about how pretty your girlfriend is…”

Emma felt like she had just been dumped in a bucket of ice water. Her fingers went white with numbness, spine straightening. A dark, cold feeling began to creep up on her, taking over. _“What?”_ she spat.

“She always looked absolutely, stunningly, delicious in those dresses when she was The Queen.” that eerie sing-song voice. “I wonder what she tastes like. Should I find out?”

It was like a villain was walking around in the part of her brain where her personality lived, and flipped on a switch that had never been used. The idea, the very _notion_ that someone was threatening Regina sparked a fury inside of her that very quickly spread into an uncontrollable fire. Every inch of her skin crawled with rage.

“You piece of shit,” she seared through the speaker. “You want to get to me? Then let’s go. But I’ll _end_ you before you come within fifty feet of her. I’m tired of playing these games with you.” She almost surprised herself with her ferocity, but she was beginning to reach her limit with all of this. The past week had been more than she had been bargaining for when it came to her history with Peter Gold, and now this sicko was threatening the woman she loved? What were some dumb prank calls to a girl who had survived a murder attempt? Particularly when the prank calls were coming from someone who had apparently kept her from getting murdered herself? Now he was going to threaten Regina? Fuck. That.

“Come on, _Robert_. Let’s settle this once and for all.”

The line went dead.

Emma’s reaction was so immediate, she realized later that she was completely reacting on instinct. Her tires screeched as she veered over to the shoulder. Several honks alerted her to the fact that she hadn’t been paying much attention to who her sudden parking job on the curb would affect. Not phased in the least, she tore off her seatbelt and started shuffling through the massive amount of paperwork in her car seat “office”, muttering Gold’s name over and over to herself until she found the file she was looking for. Two can play at the stalking game.

Pulling up the application she had for work, she put in the information that she found on the few forms she had on Peter Gold’s brother and lawyer, and an address popped up. “Bingo,” she said, and then, without any emotion behind it, she whispered: “C’mon motherfucker,” to the wind, and shifted the bug into gear.

She was so angry, she was seeing red, and it didn’t even occur to her to ask what had come over her. She had spent weeks being terrified of what she was about to do. Spent long, stressful days worrying about the next face-to-face and how she would handle it. Spent excruciating nights with the calls in her nightmares, the voice laughing at her, mocking her. The little girl inside of her trembling with fear in the corner of her mind during all of these moments. Now she was speeding to the address of the man responsible for all of those feelings.

‘Well, yeah,’ Emma reasoned with herself brashly. ‘Threaten me all you want. Threaten Regina? I’m gunna track you down, you fuck’. 

That brashness carried her all the way to Gold’s doorstep, and she banged on that door without the slightest hesitation, screaming “Gold!” over and over until it cracked open, and Robert Gold stood there, gaping at her, his brow down and his mouth wide open.

“What,” he hissed, “in the _hell_ are you doing? How did you know where I live?”

Emma narrowed her eyes at him. “Cut the shit, Gold. I track people down for a living. You think I wasn’t going to be able to find you?”

He gave a little laugh, face still twisted with incredulity. “Why would you want to find me?”

Emma took her phone out of her pocket and nearly shoved it in his face. “You want to bug the shit out of me with these childish phone calls? Be my guest. Did you really think I was going to take you threatening Regina lying down?”

A strange look came over Gold’s face just then. It almost seemed like he had made a realization. His sighed as if to say: ‘ah ha’, as he took a step back, opening the door wider. “Swan,” he said in an infuriatingly even voice. “I think maybe you should come inside.”

“To hell with that!” Emma yelled. “You think you’re so sly, but you’re not. I remember you. I remember you from back then, I remember you from the club, and I know your voice. You’ve been fucking threatening me for weeks, and it needs to stop! Why would I do anything you ask of me?”

He gave another annoying little laugh that quickly made the list of things Emma hated about him. “For one, this is a nice neighborhood, and I’d be willing to bet that the longer you stand out here screaming, the faster one of my neighbors will call the cops.”

Emma closed her mouth, but was pointing daggers at him with her eyes.

“Secondly, I think it might do us some good to talk. Because believe it or not, I have not been making any of these phone calls that you and Regina have been accusing me of. But I have an idea of who is.”

Emma hesitated, mulling over Gold’s offer. “The suitcase,” she blurted out. “Tell me about it.”

It seemed to take a moment for Gold to realize what she was talking about, but it was obvious when it dawned on his face. “Ah,” he nodded. “That,” and he gave her a very pointed look. “I’m very sorry, Swan.”

Taken aback by the sudden sincerity in his voice, Emma stared at him. He opened the door further, completely stepping out of the way. “Please,” he said. “I’ll explain everything.”

Finally making her decision, Emma rolled her eyes, and stepped inside.

“Tea?” Gold asked as he guided them to the living room.

“Fuck you.” She spat.

Gold stopped dead in his tracks, and stared at her. “Miss Swan…can I call you Emma?” She didn’t answer. “Okay….? Miss Swan, what exactly do you remember about me?” He sat down on a couch that was part of a three-piece set: in between it and another couch was a hand-carved coffee table with strange little imps and leaves carved to look as though they were dancing around the legs. He gestured to the opposite couch for her to sit and folded his hands together, looking at her smoothly, as if she were one of his clients trying to get the story out of them.

His calmness was creeping Emma out. She would expect that if somebody had come up to her door banging and screaming, she would have shown at least a bit of indignity. Gold was showing nothing of the sort. He did look concerned though, and she had a feeling it had nothing to do with how crazy she was acting.

Emma ground her jaw, debating whether or not to finally accept his invitation to sit down. Looking him over, he didn’t seem particularly threatening. He just looked like a middle-aged rich guy asking about her day. After pacing for several moments, she decided to sit down. “Look, Gold. I don’t exactly feel like reminiscing with you about my childhood, so let’s get back to your brother’s case. I’ve been getting these threatening calls since I put him back in jail, so if you know who is making them, then why don’t you just tell me?”

He stared at her so intently, that she nearly lost her nerve and broke eye contact with him. “Because unfortunately, Miss Swan, they have absolutely nothing to do with you putting my brother behind bars.”

It was Emma’s turn to stare at him. And as she did, she saw his face change into a broken, remorseful, aging man. A man with regrets. A man with secrets. And a man, who looked that despite his best wishes, he simply didn’t have a choice.

“What,” she said slowly through clenched teeth, trying to ignore the rising panic in her body. “The hell are you talking about?” Something wasn’t right here. It occurred to her then, for the first time, that she should have called Regina. Checked on her, told her where she was going. But, of course she hadn’t. Regina would have never allowed her to put herself in harm’s way like this. Regina’s pleas rang in her head from what seemed like so long ago: _No more heroics. Promise me._

Fuck.

They were looking at each other so intensely, Emma wasn’t sure if she misheard a door opening and then closing from somewhere in the house. “I’m sorry. I had to. He wasn’t going to stop until it was done.” Gold finally breathed out, and the sincerity behind it…Emma had a hard time not believing him.

“You’re…what?”

“When I looked over Peter’s files, and I saw your name. I couldn’t believe it. Small world, right? I wasn’t going to tell him. But Peter…well. He takes after him so much. After that, I didn’t have a choice.”

Footsteps now. Closer.

“What the hell are you…?” but before she could say any more, there he was. In the entryway. And the moment Emma turned to him, she was locked in place. That face…older now, but impossible to deny.

“Ah,” the old man grinned. That voice, so much like his son’s. But clearly more menacing. Almost comical now that she had mistaken it for Robert. Too late. “Swan.”

Then, Robert’s voice cut in the nightmare. “I’m sorry Swan. But I don’t have a choice…”

And before Emma could help it, the nightmares came flooding back, taking over her all of her senses, changing her world. And for the first time, she stayed right in the moment. Because this moment was her nightmare. All mixed together now, her past and her future.

Despite the fear coursing through her, trying to root her to the spot, Emma found herself on her feet. And even though she knew it wouldn’t do her a damn bit of good, she turned to run.

***

 _Finally_ , Regina thought as she took a deep breath. After vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning all the windows, the apartment looked livable again, and she had even managed to do several loads of her and Emma’s laundry. Sitting on the couch with a new cup of coffee and perusing Pinterest for something new to cook her and Emma that night, she looked at the clock. Nearly eleven. Emma’s conversation with August was taking longer than expected.

Just then, her phone rang. Going to get it, the name that popped up made alarm bells ring in her head. She nearly dropped her phone as she hurried to pick it up. “August? Hi. What’s up?”

“Is that idiot still asleep?”

Regina’s blood went cold. She felt her heart drop into her stomach as she carefully said, “What do you mean?”

“Emma. She never showed up. I’ve been calling and calling her, but no dice. Figured she was sleeping through the calls.”

“August, she left to go meet you over two hours ago. I was actually starting to wonder what was taking so long.”

“Wait, _what_?!”

Silence for a long time, and in that time, there were so many blistering thoughts running through her mind that Regina thought her head would catch fire. She realized she was pressing her forehead with a palm so hard that it was leaving a mark, and she gulped in a breath. “You said you’ve been calling her?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Now it’s just going straight to voicemail.”

“Emma,” Regina breathed out. “Fuck…”

“Did she get in an accident or something?”

The thought made Regina’s stomach churn. She shook her head as if that would make the ugly thought go away. “I don’t know. I’m going to start calling around to the hospitals.”

“Yeah,” he answered. “I’ll call a couple of cop buddies too. See if they know of any accidents out there.”

Regina was about to hang up when August called to her. “Hey, can I come over? I um, I have some stuff you should see.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, come over.” She gave him her address and they rang off. Instantly, she searched through her phone and found Ruby’s number. As she dialed, she tried swallow the lump in her throat, and calm herself down. Anything could have happened. A thousand things. Thinking the worst was not going to do her any favors. Emma was fine…

But she knew. She could simply feel that something wasn’t right. And just as strongly, she could feel that it had absolutely nothing to do with a car accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, remember how I said things were going to start getting real? They just got real.  
> Okay, so I apologize in advance for the multitude of tortures I'm going to start putting you all through. But hopefully it'll be worth it?   
> I know you are all wanting Wednesdays back (I kind of do too), but around the holidays like this I just have a million things happening. I come from a huge Irish-American family, so I've got a thousand cousins and aunts and uncles and brothers coming in and out of town and with a full-time career and fur babies...okay, I'm starting to hyperventilate thinking about it all.   
> One day at a time...  
> Good old nollaig shonna dhuit....  
> Thanks for reading, everyone! Don't forget to drop a line!


	20. Something A Little Knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Depictions of violence and details of being locked in closed spaces. Don't take it lightly.

Mommy never left the house, but lots of people would come over. People Emma never saw twice. Skinny people dressed in dirty clothes and sometimes smelled real bad. People who would bring in even more smoke, making Emma’s eyes water and all her Mac N’ Cheese or cereal taste like soot. It was only at school she got other foods, but sometimes Mommy didn’t take her to school because she said she was too tired or Emma was sick when she didn’t feel sick at all. Emma’s third grade teacher would sometimes ask Emma if everything was okay at home, and Emma would say ‘sure!’ because what was home? Home was a place you missed, but Emma couldn’t miss the house, or Mommy. She missed Baby P though when she was at school. She didn’t have any other friends: all the kids said she stank of cigarettes or told her to take a bath, but Emma had to bathe Baby P because Mommy wouldn’t, and then she barely ever got to bathe herself. So, when she came home, she’d play with Baby P and tell him all about her day and tell him all her secrets, because he was the only one who would listen. Emma pretended he only pretended not to know how to talk, but secretly he knew everything she said and was guarding her secrets so carefully he pretended he couldn’t say anything at all.

It was hard to sleep there too, because all those people usually came at night, and sometimes they got super loud and didn’t leave for a real long time. And sometimes they would break something in the living room, and then somebody would laugh about it, and it would wake Emma up. She was pretty used to it, and usually could go back to sleep, but then Baby P would start crying and crying and Emma knew Mommy wouldn’t go help him. So she’d get up and take him to her bed and lay with him until he fell asleep before she could too. And sometimes early in the morning, Mommy would come in and catch them sleeping together, and she’d smack Emma on the top of the head and yell at her for “snatching” the baby.

And Emma didn’t mind those people, or Mommy coming in and hitting her not-so-hard. She didn’t mind the loud noises and the Mac n’ Cheese so much. But it was when he came over that she got really scared. Because Baby P’s daddy, Mr. Gold was _mean_. She didn’t ever hear him talking because he always yelled. And he always said really bad words, and called Mommy really mean names and sometimes she’d cry or even hide and make Emma hide when he came banging on the door. But that never worked because the noise woke up Baby P and one time he even broke a window to get in. And he’d grab Baby P and say that Mommy wasn’t a good Mommy and that she didn’t deserve him, and then Baby P would disappear for a few days. And Emma would be alone while Mommy got more and more tired, more skinny, always on the phone begging Mr. Gold to bring him back. She kept making promises that she’d get clean even though Emma never saw her clean the house ever. She’d try to do it because she wanted Baby P to come back, so she had somebody to talk to again. He always did too. Mr. Gold would come to the house and give Baby P to Mommy and say he cried too much or say it was the only way to get Mommy to leave him alone because she called all the time or stalked him when he took Baby P. And he would tell her that she’d be dead soon and then he could have Baby P in peace.

Sometimes he brought Rob, the big kid who looked a lot like Mr. Gold and would call Mommy bad names too and Mr. Gold never told him that was wrong. And sometimes Rob would sneak a candy out of his pocket and hand it to Emma secretively, and she’d go hide it under her pillow even though she was afraid of Rob the big kid because he acted so much like Mr. Gold. And sometimes Mr. Gold called Mommy all night long and she’d scream into the phone and call him names and she’d tell him she was going to kill him.

It was hard to get any peace and quiet at Mommy’s house. One time her social worker came out to see her and see how everything was going, and Emma was glad that she had just cleaned the house for Baby P to come back, because the social worker always seemed to make comments that her foster houses were not clean. So she guessed that was really important, and tried hard to keep the house looking nice, because she wanted to stay with Baby P.

It was good luck that the social worker had just come a few days ago, because that meant that they wouldn’t come back for a while, Emma knew. Otherwise, they might find out about the huge fight happening in the living room as Emma sat in Baby P’s nursery with him while he cried.

Mr. Gold had just come in swinging and screaming. Rob pretty much pushed Emma down the hall. Told her to get lost. Told her this “wasn’t gunna be pretty”. They were so loud that Baby P was screaming in his room, and Emma went in to soothe him.

But when she entered, she heard a loud crash, and a scream from Mommy, and footsteps down the hall. She could hear Mommy running into her room, heard a struggle with her door. Weird metallic noises and Mommy and Mr. Gold were screaming at each other. He was calling her so many horrible names, and she was crying so loud, that Emma had to put her hands over her ears.

Then her cries sounded like she was choking. Emma heard strange sloshy noises coming all the way from Mommy’s room even though she had closed the door behind her. And Mommy stopped screaming. She sounded like she was trying to say something, but Emma couldn’t hear what.

Baby P screamed louder, and Emma grabbed Sebastian. “Here, bud. Here!” She was trying to get him to focus on the bear so that he would stop screaming. She thought her ears would bleed. “See, it’s Sebastian! You love Teddy Sebastian.”

But when she tried to give him the bear, he ignored it. His arms were stretched out for her, but Emma had a new fear starting in her gut. Mommy couldn’t be heard anymore, but Mr. Gold was yelling at Rob. Telling him to clean something up, to hurry up, to get the baby. Fuck fucking fucker fuck all at once he kept screaming and screaming and Emma didn’t know if she’d heard so many fucks in her life even though Mommy and all the adults cussed around her all the time.

“It’s done. Get the baby.”

Emma didn’t know what would happen if Mr. Gold found her. He’d never hurt her before, but she didn’t want to find out either. With one last look at Baby P, she ran as quietly as she could down the hall, meaning to escape out the back door. The baby let out a howl that was so much louder than before, but Emma was so scared that she simply ignored the ache in her heart.

She passed Mommy’s room, but just as she reached the opening to the back way, she heard their voices coming towards her escape route; they were coming her way. She backtracked quickly, diving into Mommy’s room to hide.

The moment she entered, a pungent, metallic smell hit her senses so hard, she nearly emptied the contents of her stomach all over the floor. The bed was in complete disarray, and the blankets and sheets looked as though someone had taken a red bucket of paint and dumped it all over. Red finger paints were on the wall.

Where was Mommy? This was the last place Emma had heard her. Mommy wasn’t known for being quiet. Wouldn’t she have heard her if she’d left?

But deep down in her gut, she knew. She knew the moment that Mr. Gold and Rob had broken down the door, knew when Mommy screamed and ran away, knew by the tone in their voices and all the cuss words thrown around and the strange sloshing sound: Mommy was hurt. Wherever she was, she was hurt. And if Emma didn’t get out of there, she would be hurt too.

“Find the girl.”

Emma spun her head around, looking for someplace to hide. She spotted the door to the walk-in closet, and went for it. It was dark inside, and Emma hated the dark. But for the first time in her life, being in a tiny dark room felt much safer than where she had been. Just as she was almost done closing the closet door, she saw Rob walk in by the sliver of sight left to her. She couldn’t close it now; he’d hear it. She didn’t even want him hearing her breathe, so she closed her hands over her mouth tightly just as she heard Mr. Gold screaming from outside: “Find that fucking kid!”

She was so scared that she didn’t realize that she had wet herself, but once she felt her pants turn heavy and warm, she prayed that Rob couldn’t smell it as he looked around the room.

She peaked through the crack in the door, hoping Rob wouldn’t see her. She didn’t want to end up crying like the baby. Like Mommy.

She felt more hot liquid pool out of her, and squeezed her eyes shut. Not now not now not now….

She could tell with her eyes closed that light had come flooding in, and her heart felt like it was trying to leap out of her chest. Opening her eyes, she saw Rob, looking down at her.

His expression was unreadable. She couldn’t tell if he looked angry or scared or sad or confused; all of the things she was feeling in those moments. He was just staring down at her with those big eyes, crooked teeth gnashing. “Ah,” he whispered. “Swan.”

He knelt down in front of her, his face twisted into a strange smile. He simply stared for a long time as Emma heard Baby P’s cries come to an end.

“Robert! Did you find her?” Mr. Gold. Emma didn’t realize that she was shaking her head, as if that would will Rob to go away or to lie to his dad. Anything. Just don’t let her get hurt.

Then, Rob turned towards the hall, and yelled: “I’m looking! Check the garage!” And he turned back to her and brought a finger up to his lips. “Sshh,” he whispered. “See that suitcase back there?”

Emma’s head whipped around to the back of the closet. There it was. A big suitcase laying on the floor along with a bunch of Mommy’s clothes and weird grown up belongings that Emma never bothered to clean up. The social worker never looked in the closets.

“Get it there. And don’t come out for a long, long time. Or he’ll kill you. Do you understand?”

 _He’ll kill you._ Emma wanted to scream. All of her fears she realized, were valid. He wanted to hurt her. He’d hurt Mommy. She was sure of it. That didn’t really make her sad, exactly. She’d never thought about it before, but if somebody had ever asked her if she’d liked Mommy, the answer would have been no. She would have lied, of course, just to stay with Baby P, but it didn’t change the fact that Mommy wasn’t really nice to Emma, didn’t take care of Emma, made Emma do a bunch of chores and had Emma stay up late and had strangers over that scared her. But she didn’t want Mommy _hurt_. She didn’t want Mommy _killed_. And above all else, she didn’t want to be killed!

A little choked cry came out of her mouth, but Rob pressed his finger to his lips again, and gave her the shushing sound. “Go,” he whispered.

She scampered on hands and knees, her hands shaking so badly that she had trouble unzipping the suitcase. But once she did, she could tell that she was small enough to fit as long as she curled up. Once she laid down, she felt the lid close, and heard the zipper as Rob locked her in. “Remember, Swan. Stay quiet,” he whispered, and Emma heard him leave the closet just in time as Mr. Gold came in to check to see what he was doing.

Muffled voices. Then yelling as Mr. Gold swore at Rob. He was mad that Emma had “got away”. She’d tell on them, she’d ruin everything. They had to find her, or they’d be put in jail for sure.

And Emma knew right then and there that the only way to stay alive was to never tell anyone. Don’t say anything, or Mr. Gold would come back to finish her off.

She heard Baby P’s cries getting further and further away, the voices of Rob and Mr. Gold arguing fading. Emma waited a long time before she tried to get out, but realized that she couldn’t. The zipper couldn’t be budged from the inside.

Panic set in, and Emma tried to stretch out as much as she could, but it was just impossible. She cried harder then, fat tears that didn’t cloud her vision because it was too dark to see anyway, nose so stuffy it was hard to breathe, sobs coming out loudly now because there was nobody there to hear her. And she cried and cried until she somehow fell asleep.

When she woke up, she was in the same position. Her joints hurt, her back ached, her head throbbed. The air was so thick, she could barely get any in. It sent her into a panic again, and she frantically tried to escape until she exhausted herself. She lost consciousness again.

The next time she woke up, it was because she had to pee, but having no other choice, she wet herself again. The smell was unbearable, even though she was breathing out of her mouth. She could almost taste it. She was hungry too, but Emma was used to that. She’d gone a couple of days without food before.

The next time she woke up, she couldn’t feel her feet. She would have panicked, but she was so weak that it was hard to get worked up over it.

Time wasn’t anything she could keep track of. Dreams turned into nightmares that turned into her waking sobs, and soon she didn’t know if she was dreaming or not. It felt like she was in one of those nightmares where she thought she woke up, but then realized she was still asleep. Some things felt too real to be dreams, other things felt too dreamy to be real.

She was thirsty.

She woke screaming, calling for her mom until she remembered that she didn’t have one of those. She called the name of her teacher. Her social worker. Somebody.

Nobody came.

Even though she knew that the suitcase was all dark, she thought she saw bright colors dancing in front of her eyes. Weird shapes like rainbows or flowers. They’d disappear just as she tried to focus on them, only to be replaced by another shape she tried to focus on…only to disappear again…

She dreamed.

An unfastening sound of the zipper. An enormous gust of fresh air. By then, she’d learned to take little breaths. She did the same now. Shallow. Light blinded her even though her eyes wouldn’t open, sewn shut but days of dried tears. She heard someone call her name.

She was lifted. The shifting of weight, the cracking of joints. Nothing worked the way she remembered them. Nothing moved when her brain told them to. Her feet were numb, her legs tired, useless.

“Emma? Can you hear me?”

She tried to open her mouth, but found her lips so dry, so crusted over, they would barely part. Just like her eyes. Her voice didn’t work either. Was this another dream? One of those nightmares where you couldn’t say anything, couldn’t walk, couldn’t run from someone chasing you? Cooler air, hitting her skin, her dried and crusted clothes. She shivered.

“Get the medics in here. Now”

Emma didn’t even bother opening her eyes. Why should she? This was all just a dream.

***

Regina stared out the window of the car, watching the pavement zoom by her in meshes of nothingness. If she had a magic wand, she would have transported herself to where they were headed. The traffic was terrible, and they couldn’t get there fast enough.

The police had been no help. Emma was a grown adult, and could go missing if she wanted to, even if there was a history of threatening phone calls. What proof did any of them have of that? It was infuriating, but there wasn’t much she could do. But Regina and August didn’t take that laying down. Regina, having a good idea of where Emma had gone, made August pull up Robert Gold’s address, and if Emma had ended up there, the police might be a little more interested once they called from the house.

As August drove, he went on and on, parts of it sounded like nothing but white noise in her ear, the rest was plaguing her as he told her about the file that had been pulled up. The file that he and Emma were supposed to be discussing at the diner right now. The case file where it stated a woman had been murdered, and Emma had been a foster child in the house. Nobody had found the body for two whole days, at which time they also found a nine-year-old little girl locked in a suitcase, non-responsive, severely dehydrated, starving. She had spent several weeks in the hospital, at which time nobody could get a word out of her. She seemed to have no memory of the event, didn’t know how she’d gotten in the suitcase, barely remembered her foster mother, didn’t ask about her, didn’t ask when she was going home, nothing. Witness number one, as she was referred to, was dropped from the case after several months. The child had suffered deep trauma, and no amount of questioning or therapy was working.

“Stop,” Regina heard herself whisper, just audible over the story. She felt a wave of nausea roll over her just as August asked her to repeat herself. “Stop!” she nearly screamed, and the roll of the car onto the curb sent her breakfast into her throat. She opened the door and emptied the contents of her stomach onto the pavement, nearly throwing up again at the idea that she had just thrown up on the curb.

Slowly, she sat herself upright, and closed the door. She took a deep breath. “Go,” she whispered.

August was quiet after that, looking at her sideways as he offered her a bottle of water from the back seat. She took it and sipped at it gingerly, trying to get the taste out of her mouth.

“I’m not even going to ask if you’re okay,” he said finally.

“Good,” Regina grunted as she reached in her pocket for her phone. She didn’t want to talk about the fact that just hearing about her little one going through such an ordeal coupled with going missing literally made her sick. She made several texts to Ruby, updating her on where they were going, and then started texting Zelena. She didn’t want to worry her sister, but she also couldn’t just say nothing about the situation. Who knew how the day was going to end? She felt her stomach lurch again, but closed her eyes to center herself.

“This is so goddamned typical,” August huffed quietly. “Always pulling crazy stunts like this. Never thinking ahead.”

Regina shot him a look. “For all we know, she didn’t go anywhere on her own accord.”

But August scoffed at that. “Yeah right…”

Regina grit her teeth. She understood August’s anger, she really did. But right now, she didn’t have the luxury of being angry. If anything happened to Emma…

She put the idea out of her mind. She simply couldn’t go there. Not until she knew. It was all she could do to keep herself upright. “How far are we?”

August looked down at his phone where he had his GPS app up. “Twenty minutes.”

Regina shut her eyes tightly. It might as well have been twenty years. She looked down at her own phone, and reread the several text messages she had sent to Emma. All unanswered, along with the numerous phone calls she had made.

***

Emma and Gold stared at each other for a long moment. She felt herself teetering as she stood, catching her balance on either foot, trying hard to keep herself upright as memories flooded into her head. This man had been the stuff of nightmares for her. Nightmares that for many years left her consciousness the moment she woke.

He looked like shit. Twenty years had not been kind to him, which wasn’t surprising seeing as how he had been addicted to heroin back in the day, and looked as if he hadn’t quite kicked the habit. And that was a bad sign. Drug addicts weren’t exactly well-known for their level-headedness.

“So, what now, Gold?” she hissed, trying to keep her voice level. “You plan on killing me? Even you wouldn’t be that stupid.”

He sneered at her. “No?”

Emma’s eyes flashed to Robert, who hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch, eyes downcast and shifting wildly from side to side as if his mind was racing. “Nope,” she finally said.

“And what makes you,” he took a few steps forward, and Emma instinctively stepped back. She tried to make it seem natural that one of her hands was going to her back pocket where her phone was, but she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to pull that off. Maybe if she kept him talking. “so sure of that?”

Emma let out a humorless laugh. “Your son said it himself. He has neighbors. Neighbors who may remember a bright yellow bug outside and a woman coming to bang on the door? I couldn’t have left a better footprint than that. If I go missing, and people start getting questioned, it isn’t going to take them long to figure out what happened.”

His grin spread so that Emma could see his yellow teeth, a nasty smile that could never at any time make anyone feel at ease. “You’ll still be dead.”

“And you’ll be in prison for the rest of your life. Unless you plan on pinning this on your son?” Emma looked back at Robert, who finally looked up at that. He tried to make eye contact with his father, and Emma could see that he genuinely believed his father would do exactly that just to keep himself out of trouble.

“Dad,” he said once, but Gold didn’t even so much as acknowledge his presence in the room.

“You fucked up, Gold.” Emma said. “You got lucky back then. Left behind a witness, but fate was on your side. A little kid who was so screwed up by the experience, she cast it all away. Didn’t even remember your existence. Then you had to go and start making those phone calls.”

His mouth twitched. “It was time to tie up loose ends.”

Emma shook her head. “So you are that stupid. Guess I don’t have the same luck as you.”

“You’re no Einstein either, are you?” He laughed as he came closer. “Coming here.”

Emma looked at Robert again, who was watching Gold carefully. He looked about ready to spring from the couch, but she could see the panic, the absolute torture behind his eyes. She hadn’t thought she was in danger of him. He had saved her, after all. But Gold was right; she shouldn’t have come here. This had been a mistake, and she was going to pay for it. Dearly.

It only took a second for her to decide. She needed to get out of there. She leapt to the other side of the room, which sparked Gold to sprint after her. If she could just get to the door…

He reached out for her, and she pivoted, taking hold of the couch and jumping over it. He wasn’t as nimble as she was. Her only shot was to try and out maneuver him.

Robert was out of his seat now, backing up against a wall. Emma only had a second to take this in as she cleared the couch and made a dart for the entryway.

But she felt a shock to the back of her knee, and yelped as her leg went out from under her. She crashed on the floor, heard glass shattering and closed her eyes at the sudden noise. She didn’t even register the pieces sticking into her palms. Gold had managed to fall too, and broke the coffee table, the glass flying everywhere.

Emma wasn’t hurt though, and she tried to get back on her feet, only to find that she was being held down by the weight of another body; Gold had broken the coffee table so that he could close the space between them, and Emma twisted around onto her back to see him holding the object he had taken to her leg. It was a large marble statue of what looked like a Greek god, maybe Athena, holding up her robes and looking off into the distance. As soon as she saw it, she registered it tumbling towards her, and she realized that Gold was about to smash it over her head. She rolled just in time, hearing the statue clunk onto the carpet. Gold grunted with the effort, and Emma flailed her hand out to find anything that may help her. She found purchase on a large piece of glass, and wrapped her fingers around it, swinging it wildly in front of her and hearing Gold yell as she felt it make contact. Looking up, Emma saw that she had cut the side of his face, his earlobe slashed.

Gold bellowed in rage and dropped the statue. But just as Emma was about to repeat the action, he closed his fist and sent it straight into the side of her face. Emma went limp for a moment, the blow stunning her to the point of tunneling her vision and losing control of her limbs. It only took a second, but it was all the leverage Gold needed. The glass fell out of Emma’s hand, and before she could regain her composure, she felt her windpipe forced shut. A terrifying pressure clasped around her neck, and Emma’s eyes widened as she stared up at the face of the man who squeezed it. He was red with rage, blood was dripping down her face and onto hers. His eyes were yellow and black, almost inhuman, and for a split second, Emma regretted that this was the last face she’d ever see.

Her feet came alive, kicking wildly, hands coming up to try and pry his free of her neck. But his might have been made of iron for all the good it was doing her. Still, she didn’t give in, feeling the blood pulse in her face as she tried unsuccessfully to get in air. And the moment she realized that this wasn’t working, that this would indeed be her last moments, she saw those eyes suddenly widen, and Gold’s hands lost their grip. More blood fell onto Emma as he fell sideways, and she gulped for air as she kicked her feet to scramble away.

Robert stood over the both of them, panting hard, the Greek statue clasped in both hands. But the blow he had just given to his father hadn’t been hard enough, and as Emma crawled into the closest corner she could find to try and clear her airways, she watched as Gold picked up a leg from the broken coffee table and rammed it into Robert’s ankle.

The scream was deafening. He dropped like a sack of potatoes, clutching at his foot, and trying, Emma saw in horror, to take the leg of the coffee table out from his ankle. Gold had strength; he had managed to embed it deeply into his son’s skin.

Without so much as a second look at Robert, Gold came at her. Emma flailed to gain her footing, but she was stuck in the corner. He looked nearly drunk as he clamored over. Clearly the blows he had taken were having an effect on him, and Emma knew that was going to be her only advantage. He was much older, didn’t have nearly the stamina, and he was running out of it quickly. But before she could get to her feet, he grabbed hold of her jacket and stood her up. She tried to kick out, but he dove his knee into her stomach, and Emma doubled over. The wind was knocked out of her, and before she could try to recover it, she felt his hands on her neck again.

This was it. She had nothing left. She could try, but she knew. She knew she couldn’t beat him. She thought about Ruby and Mary Margaret, her best friends for so many years. They had put up with so much crap from her, stuck with her even though she wasn’t good at sharing much about herself. She thought about August and how when they had first met, he made the decision to take her under his wing, show her the ropes. And even though they bickered like two old women, he had always looked out for her, and she had always been loyal to him because she knew he deserved it.

And then there was Regina. Regina, who had never, ever, despite all of her past, given her a single reason to doubt that what they had was real. She’d given up looking for what Regina had offered her so long ago. She’d never thought she could have it. Still wasn’t sure why she’d been given the gift. But despite all of that, Regina had shown her that there was such a thing as unconditional devotion, real and passionate love. She’d been able to let go with Regina, let herself be given the one thing she had always truly craved. If nothing else, she was glad that the last months of her life had been spent the way they had. And she was almost happy she wouldn’t survive this day, because she couldn’t live with herself for doing this to Regina.

Suddenly, the pressure released. Just as things were about to go dark, Gold’s hands let go, and Emma fell to the floor along with him. She heard several fleshy thumps, and through blurry vision, saw Robert’s arm raise again and again. She rested her head against the wall, gulping in the air that was now flowing freely into her lungs. She panted until it all went quiet, all but the heavy breathing of Robert and herself combined. And then she was being raised up. Her legs were wobbly, but she grabbed onto to Robert’s sweater. “Are you alright?” he gasped.

Emma nodded, looking down at Gold on the ground. He was face-down, and not even so much as a flinch or the rising and falling of breathing was present in his body. “Is he…?”

Robert nodded, and then nearly collapsed, lifting his leg. Emma grabbed onto him tighter. “C’mon,” she wheezed, and the two of them leaned on one another as they went to the front door. Emma found that her phone was still miraculously in her pocket, and when they reached the front porch, she dialed 9-11.

When the operator picked up, Emma gave them the address of where she was. “There’s a man here. I think he’s dead. And I’ve got another one injured.”

The dispatcher tried to ask more questions, but Emma’s voice was failing. They limped their way to the curb of the house, and she heard a car screeching towards them. Emma thought _that was quick_ until she looked up and recognized August’s car. It came to a halt just shy of Robert’s driveway, and Emma saw the familiar figure of Regina as she nearly flew out of the passenger’s seat, August right behind her on the other side. If Emma wasn’t pale before, she was now.

The look on Regina’s face, for just the tiniest of seconds, made Emma wish she hadn’t survived. Regina froze in place, the look of horror, worry, and betrayal so raw that if Emma had the strength, she would have strangled herself right then and there. However, she was momentarily distracted as August came up and grabbed hold of Robert. The man next to her yelled again, fragments of the wood still lodged in his ankle, and Emma had to stop August from throwing Robert to the curb.

“No!” she clasped onto August’s arm, trying to get him to let go. Her voice was hoarse, barely working. “No, August! Don’t! He saved me. He…” she stopped as August let go, and turned his attention to Emma. Understanding now that she wasn’t in harm’s way with Robert, he grabbed onto her arms and looked her over.

“Are you okay?” he yelled, looking her up and down. She nodded, though she figured that she certainly did not _look_ okay. His eyes went dark, and he shook her once, hard. “If you _ever_ pull anything like this again, I’ll fucking kill you! Do you understand!?”

“August!” Regina’s voice was so close, Emma jumped. As her exchange with August was taking place, she had finally found her footing and made her way to Emma. August and Regina made eye contact, and he allowed her to rip his hands off of Emma’s arms.

Emma looked over at Regina crouched beside her. Her dark eyes were red and sunken. Clearly the hours had been spent worrying herself sick over what had happened. Emma tried to swallow, but found it nearly impossible. Regina’s hand went to Emma’s throat, and she felt Regina touch it tenderly, looking so intently at what obviously must have been angry marks that she looked as if she were in a trance.

“R’gina,” she whispered, her voice breaking with her guilt. “I’m so sorry…”

Before she could finish, she felt herself swept up, and she was wrapped up in Regina’s embrace, so tightly that she let out a tiny whimper. She felt the wracking of sobs overtake the body holding onto her, and as she responded with tightening her own embrace, she heard the sound of sirens closing in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all have a Merry Christmas.


	21. Promise

She heard the sirens stop at the curb just as Regina loosened her grip, and Emma tried to gather strength so that she didn’t fall backward. Her adrenaline was starting to wane, which was making her aware of the pain she was in. Her eye was throbbing, and she could barely see out of it due to it watering and swelling up. Her ribs hurt, though she didn’t feel anything broken. Her throat felt as if it were on fire, and she fought the constant urge to cough.

Regina’s eyes were back on her, and her fingers slightly brushed over Emma’s cheek just as an officer and an EMT came to them.

“Who called 9-11?” the officer had his gun out of his holster, but it wasn’t aimed. Emma raised her hand, but August stepped forward and Robert said he would explain everything while Emma continued to search for her voice.

The EMT came up as well, and Emma saw that there were several more all around her, including police officers who began wandering the perimeter. It got busy and crowded very quickly, and she felt Regina’s grip on her tighten with that familiar protectiveness that at the moment, she clung to.

The first EMT was a young brunette who put gloves on and crouched down in front of Emma. “I’m Jessie. That eye looks pretty bad. Let’s examine you over at the truck,” she said, and Emma shook her head.

“No, I’m okay, it’s….”

“Don’t,” Regina’s growl in her ear froze her to the spot, “you _dare_.” And then to the EMT in a much louder and kinder tone: “Yes, thank you. And don’t take she’s fine for an answer to any of your questions.”

The EMT’s brows shot up slightly as her eyes darted from Regina to Emma, who pressed her lips together to seal them, and then she was being helped up and guided gingerly to the back of the EMT van.

Emma answered all questions, allowed various EMT’s to check her blood pressure, her heart rate, examine her limbs, and push and press on her organs. As it all happened, she continuously looked over at Regina, who was slowly pacing around Emma’s bug, her arms crossed over her chest, seeming to be fascinated with her shoes. Every now and then August would come over, and she would give him a nod, but for the most part, she stayed by herself. Emma noted the pinched look on her face, the weary eyes, and again wanted to doll out a far worse punishment on herself than she had received. How she didn’t think about hurting that beautiful face made her angrier than she ever had been at her actions of tricking Peter Gold.

“Ah!” Emma felt a blinding pain below her neck, and winced away.

EMT Jessie nodded, seeming unaffected. “Your collarbone is broken.” She took a tiny flashlight out of her breast pocket, and shone it in Emma’s eyes. “Look up.”

Emma fought for her eyes not to water, feeling pain as she forced her pupils up. She was told to follow a finger as the light continued to blind her. After the exercise, EMT Jesse showed a bit more concern. “Did you lose consciousness when you were strangled?” Emma shook her head. “Okay, that’s good. But strangulation is serious, Emma. You’ll need to go to the hospital and have some tests done. Then you’ll probably be put on a few blood thinners so there are no clots.”

Emma would have groaned, but barely anything came out. “Do I have to ride with you, or can my girlfriend take me?”

Jessie stopped what she was doing and looked Emma over again. Then she tilted her head. “You need to speak to the police first. I don’t have authority to release you from the scene. But let me make it clear; you need to go to the hospital. Strangulation isn’t something to take lightly. Symptoms can pop up well after the incident.”

Emma was interviewed by two police officers as she sat with a bag of ice on her eye in the back of the van, and she even signed a document of release from the EMT basically stating that if she didn’t go to the hospital after that, they weren’t responsible for her death. In the end, they put Robert in handcuffs and whisked him away in an ambulance along with two police officers. As the door was shutting on him, he found Emma’s eyes, and gave her a single grin and nod. Emma stared back, unable to wrap her head around the complex emotions towards him. It was too new, she was too tired.

Gold’s body was brought out in a black bag on a stretcher not long after that, and Emma turned away, closing her eyes and trying to ground herself. She was suddenly exhausted, and she hurt all over. All she wanted to do was lie in the street and go to sleep.

Her eyes jolted open when she felt a familiar hand close on hers, and Emma quietly allowed Regina to guide her to the passenger’s side of August’s car.

Regina didn’t say anything as she helped Emma’s sore body sit down. She searched for Regina’s eyes, but they were making a point of staying off her as Regina stood upright again to close the door. Emma watched as Regina and August exchanged more words before they hugged, and August went to Emma’s car and got in while Regina joined her. “Why are we taking August’s car?” she asked quietly, trying to quietly clear her aching throat.

Regina released a tiny sigh before leaning over and taking Emma’s seat belt. She buckled Emma in as she said, “because your passenger’s seat is filled with paperwork, and I don’t want to waste time cleaning it up just to take you to the hospital.” Her tone was matter-of-fact, and Emma found that she was afraid of it. Regina didn’t ever speak to her without emotion behind her voice.

She finally looked over. “I know it doesn’t matter, but I’m sorry.”

Still not looking at Emma, Regina turned the ignition and started the car. “I know you are,” she said, softer this time. She shifted gears and was about to turn the wheel, when she suddenly put it back in park and stared dead ahead. Emma saw her knuckles turn white as she gripped the wheel, and to her horror, Regina let out a sob. She banged on the wheel with a harsh palm as Emma let out her own sob, feeling her heart rip in two at the pain that was coursing through her partner. Pain that she caused.

Before she could reach out, Regina reeled on her, grabbing Emma by the arms. It wasn’t hard, but Emma winced anyway, the sob shocked out of her throat. Regina’s wet, bloodshot eyes were pleading with Emma, and it broke her even more than she knew was possible. “What’s my promise to you?” she nearly yelled it, and Emma stumbled on her words.

“K..keeping me safe,” she said, almost unsure.

“And have I?” Again, almost yelling, as if she needed to interrogate the answer out of Emma. It was plain that despite her pain, she was working very hard to be gentle and to not scream her head off. Despite everything, Emma marveled at that, and thought she certainly deserved worse than what she was getting.

“Yes. Always!” Emma felt the hot tears running down her face.

“Then you promise too.”

Emma blinked, and for a moment, she just stared at Regina. At the absolute desperation on her face. “Promise you…?”

“You are going to promise me,” her grip on Emma’s arms tightened. “that you will do everything in your power to keep yourself safe. You aren’t going to run in to these situations anymore. You’re going to call someone. You’re going to walk away or run away or whatever the hell you need to do to keep yourself out of harm’s way. That you are going to _think_ before you act. Determine whether or not you should be doing what you are about to do. And if you aren’t absolutely sure, then you will walk away anyway. And you’re going to promise me that you are never, _ever_ going to do something this stupid again!”

Emma was about to say that she hadn’t truly thought she was in harm’s way until it smacked her upside the head that maybe that was exactly what Regina was talking about. Maybe the point wasn’t that she needed to stay out of these situations, but to stop and consider that these situations are even a possibility. For Emma, it wasn’t the biggest deal to walk into a house party where drugs and crimes were happening; that had pretty much been her childhood. For Emma, confronting a guy threatening you wasn’t only something that you did, but that you needed to do in order to survive because there sure as hell wasn’t going to be anybody else to stand up for you. She had lived in half-way homes where the kids were recruiting other kids into sex slavery. She’d had foster parents that let her drink or smoke cigarettes and got into physical fights in front of her. She’d been a runaway where she had taken her chances talking to the friendlier looking loon on the corner because maybe they had an alternative to freezing to death on a winter night in Boston.

Had it really taken almost being murdered to realize that her gage was a bit off? That she took more risks than the average person because risky behavior was normal behavior for her? Apparently so. Emma swallowed, feeling the hurt in her throat, and looked into Regina’s eyes. “I absolutely promise. And I’m more than sorry. I didn’t think about getting hurt. And I certainly didn’t think about you getting hurt. And there’s no making up for that. There’s no excuse. I’m sorry,” her voice broke on her last word.

Regina reached forward, letting go of Emma’s arms and holding Emma’s cheek much softer. She brushed away Emma’s tears with her thumb. Taking a deep breath, Regina pursed her lips. “I need you to understand two things. One, I love you. Irrevocably, unconditionally, love you.” Emma felt herself nodding as a fresh set of tears clouded her vision of Regina’s face. Relief washed over her at hearing those words. “Number two,” she took a breath as she continued to brush Emma’s new tears away. “I’m really, _really_ upset with you right now. And I don’t need you to apologize again or promise me again, but I need you to understand that if I seem punchy or impatient with you, it’s because it’s going to take me a minute to just calm down. Because you really put me through the ringer today.”

Emma’s eyes widened, but she continued nodding fervently. “I know. I really am sorry. I’m probably just going to keep saying it.”

To her surprise, that got a smile from Regina, who took a deep breath. “Okay. We need to get you checked out.” She gently pulled Emma forward, planting a kiss on her lips. Emma sighed into it, another stinging in her eyes. Just a little while ago, she didn’t think she’d ever have this again. She felt her hands tighten on Regina’s arms, who pulled away and leaned up to kiss the bridge of her nose before letting out a shaky breath.

Emma wanted to cling to her, wanted to fall to pieces right then and there, curl into Regina, forget the day, forget the absolute insanity that had just happened, erase the memories that had come flooding back into her head.

That idea made her wince. Things had happened so fast that she hadn’t had a chance to dwell on the new memories that had come flooding back. Regina picked up on it, pulling away to look her over. Emma kept her eyes closed as she felt Regina’s hands slide over her arms soothingly. “Are you alright?”

Emma shook her head slightly, feeling the soreness take over her body. “Yeah, I…” she stopped. Because she realized that confirming that she was alright would require her to have a gage, and that was sorely lacking in that moment. For the first time, things were quiet, Regina had her, and having a chance to dwell on the day or the past was not doing her any favors.

She felt a squeeze on her upper arm, and then Regina let go. As she drove them, Emma kept her eyes on the dashboard, not really seeing it. Regina held her hand as she put the puzzle pieces together in her head. Robert giving her candy as a kid, Gold coming to the house in the middle of the night just to scream at ‘Mommy’, playing Teddy Sebastian with Baby P, feeling her feet go numb in the suitcase…

She gasped and jumped, realizing she had dozed into the memory, and almost immediately, felt the hand holding hers come up to her neck and cradle the back of her head. “Sshh…I’m here.”

Emma’s hand went up to grasp idly into the air, and Regina met it and squeezed. “Don’t let me fall asleep,” Emma mashed the words together in panic.

***

Regina looked sideways at Emma, and pressed harder on the accelerator as she her hand. Emma was starting to think too hard about things; Regina could see it. She was going to have to be proactive to keep Emma’s anxiety at bay as they got through the hospital visit. For Regina, what was going to help her process everything was taking care of the woman sitting next to her. For whatever reason, that had always been Regina’s comfort zone, had always made her feel better about whatever was happening in her life. Every few moments, she would ask Emma a benign question: what was her favorite part about Thanksgiving, what did she want Regina to cook for her later, tell a funny story about Ruby or Mary Margaret.

Emma answered her questions, and Regina could hear the panic in her voice mixed with the ever-looming exhaustion, and that carried them all the way to the hospital. She parked up in the front of the building, where she saw August standing, looking down at his cell phone. He approached the car, and opened Emma’s door.

“I’ve got her,” Regina was out of the driver’s seat, and going to the other side as August leaned down and grinned at Emma.

“That eye looks gnarly, kid. Hope it doesn’t stay that way. Couldn’t look at you the same.”

She saw Emma grimace. “Fuck off, August.”

August looked up at Regina with a huge grin. “Oh yeah, she’ll be right as rain in no time.”

Regina rolled her eyes and scooted him out of the way to undo Emma’s seat belt. “I’m glad the two of you think this is so funny. C’mon, love.” She guided Emma out of the car as August went to the driver’s side. He waved as he went to go park the car, and Regina took Emma inside the building.

It took several hours for Emma to be examined, at which time Ruby, Mary Margaret, David, and Killian all showed up to join Regina and August in the waiting room. Killian and August made the formidable smart-ass team while Mary Margaret and David sat solemnly. Regina sat with Ruby, their hands clasped together.

“Your foot is driving me crazy. Are you okay?” Ruby asked, and Regina looked down to see that she had been tapping it at a rapid pace.

She stopped and sighed, smiling at Ruby. “Sorry. I just don’t like waiting out here while she’s in there.”

Ruby nodded. “I know you don’t. Do you wanna go for a walk?” Ruby offered.

“No!” Regina said too quickly, and she shook her head. “No, sorry. I’m…my sister is on her way. I need to wait for her.” She looked down at her phone again. Zelena was taking her sweet ass time getting to Boston, but Regina tried to bite back her impatience, seeing as how her sister didn’t have to come down there, or go and get the item Regina pleaded for her to get at all. Meanwhile, she was getting more and more uncomfortable, and could feel that if she didn’t get rid of her milk soon, it was going to show up all over her shirt. The last thing she wanted to do was walk around and make it worse.

As if she were summoned, Zelena walked into the waiting room, looking around wildly, a large brown bag cradled in her arm. When Regina stood up, they locked eyes, and she saw Zelena release a heavy sigh as she walked briskly towards her. “Bun,” she put her free arm out, but Regina had to pivot so that Zelena didn’t crush her breasts. She felt her arm squeezed and a kiss planted on her temple. She was released, and was thankful that it was so cold outside she had to wear numerous layers; she felt the wetness of her shirt and winced.

Zelena handed her the brown bag, and Regina made quick work of the introductions before she excused herself and found the nearest bathroom. She had to read through several instructions before she even got started. Luckily, the hospital had a separate facility in the women’s bathroom for breastfeeding, so Regina locked herself inside and went to work.

The experience was anything but enjoyable, save for the relief she felt at getting rid of the milk. Just as she was finishing up and trying to put everything back in the bag, she heard the bathroom door burst open and the doorknob to the breastfeeding room shook insistently. “Bun? Oh my god, I fucking _love_ August! He and I will be picking out furniture by tomorrow, I’m sure.”

“Oh god…” Regina groaned.

Zelena started banging on the door as Regina put the breast pump back in the bag. “C’mon! Open up! How long could it possibly take?!”

Regina dove her face into her hands and whispered: “why me?” She opened the door slowly, and knew that her expression showed how tired and not in the mood she was, but as usual, Zelena ignored it.

“There you are! Look, the doctor came out, and Emma is going to be released in a little while.”

Regina perked up immediately. “What did they say?”

Zelena shrugged. “Wouldn’t tell us. Apparently in Boston, we don’t hold as much weight. We aren’t family, so they can’t release any information to us. Better marry her soon if this hospital thing is a habit.” Zelena grabbed the bag out of Regina’s hand and opened it, starting to rummage through.

“Hey!” Regina swiped it back, and held the bag close to her chest. “What could you possibly want to look at?”

“So, you’re seriously doing it?” Zelena’s amusement had not changed as she tried to glance inside the bag while Regina held it away from her.

Regina sneered at her sister. “No, Zee, I just had you grab a fucking breast pump and bring it to me because I knew I’d get bored in the waiting room.”

Undeterred, Zelena scoffed playfully. “Would have just brought you a cross-word puzzle. You want me to go put your secretions in my car?”

Again, Regina hid her face in her free hand and sighed into it. “You are the worst sister I could have asked for…”

Zelena just smiled proudly. “I know. Most would have interrogated the hell out of you at the very request. Not me! Worst in the world,” she kissed Regina’s temple as she snatched the bag from her hands and turned to walk away.

“Zelena,” Regina called as she followed her sister, and Zelena turned around. “Honestly, not a word of this. Nobody else knows.”

Zelena gave her a face that read she thought Regina was stupid, and rolled her eyes. “Ya think? Now go see Emma. I’ll be in the waiting room.”

***

The doctor kept droning on and on, but Emma had stopped listening. Something about blood thinners and coming back in a few days to make sure there was nothing wrong, and that being strangled could have lasting effects and go easy on her collar bone and stuff and things and words and wasn’t it time to go?

Just when she was about to scream _enough already_!, Regina was there, and Emma nearly bowled her over as she ran to her side and grabbed her hand. “Time to go,” she said a little too loudly, and saw the doctor’s eyebrows shoot up and give Regina a questioning look. To her relief, she could see Regina fighting back a smile, and walk calmly up to the doctor to take the paperwork and ask a few questions.

Emma didn’t listen. She was looking down the hallway to see where the exit was, eyes darting around. She wanted to get out of there. She was sick of hospitals. Sick of doctors. Sick of medication and lights flashing in her eyes and being poked and having tests done. She wanted to go home. And oddly, when the word home came up in her head, Regina’s apartment was the picture she saw.

Finally, Regina came up behind her and took her hand again, knocking her out of her reverie. “Let’s go. Everyone’s in the waiting room.”

Emma stopped then, suddenly not so keen to move towards the exit. “Everyone?” she stammered, and saw Regina look back at her and register her look.

The expression on Regina’s face showed no sympathy as she tried to pull Emma forward. “Yes, darling. Despite what you may think, you have a family, and they have been worried sick about you since you ducked out on August this morning.”

Emma lowered her head. She was so tired, she was so sore. She didn’t think she could handle a crowd of questions and disapproving looks right now. When she didn’t start walking, Regina came and put an arm around Emma’s waist, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “Emma,” her voice was stern and gentle at the same time. Emma knew that tone: she was about to be told something she didn’t want to do, but was going to have to do it anyway. And Mama was going to give her a really good reason, too. “You may not like this, but these are the consequences of your actions. Ruby and Mary Margaret have been here for hours, so has Killian and David and August.”

“I know,” she said. “It’s just…I feel really bad.”

Regina smiled slightly at that. “Yes, I know you do. But I’ll say it again: you did what you did today because you’re used to shutting people out and handling things on your own. The problem with that is that your opinion of yourself doesn’t match your reality. You matter. You’re irreplaceable. You are _loved._ And I know you don’t like people making a fuss over you, but frankly Emma, that’s just too damned bad right now.”

“He threatened you…” Emma blurted out, and she immediately regretted it when she saw Regina’s eyes darken.

There was a silence before Regina spoke. “Who? Gold?”

Emma nodded. “He called me when I was on my way to see August. And he told me he would hurt you. He’d been threatening me for weeks. But he hadn’t said anything about you. Anyway, then he did and I couldn’t…I just…snapped. I’m sorry. It’s not an excuse, but…I…I thought you should know.”

The look Regina gave her was unreadable, eyes darting back and forth between Emma’s various injuries. “And what exactly,” Regina’s voice was low and calm, but Emma could hear the edge in it, “were you going to do about it?”

“I um…I guess I hadn’t thought that far ahead…”

Regina gave her a deadpan look. “So, we are right back where we were, aren’t we? Did you think I would be happy about you putting yourself in danger to protect me?”

“Um…” Emma rubbed her good eye, feeling the sleep getting heavy there.

She heard a sigh, and felt herself being pressed up against Regina’s body. She instinctively melted into it, her head coming to rest on Regina’s shoulder. She was so done. Done talking, done walking, done with everything about that day. “Mama…” she whispered with a little whine against Regina’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

She felt Regina turn toward her, and a murmur in her ear. “I’m glad you told me, baby. I adore that you get protective, but not if you can’t make good decisions because of it.” Silence for a moment as Regina held her. Then: “C’mon sweetie. Be a big girl. Let’s go say hi to everyone. Then we can go home.”

Emma tried, but she didn’t particularly feel very big. In fact, she felt really nervous about it all. That is, until she was walked into the waiting room, and she was surprised by seeing the flaming red hair of Zelena, who broke everyone’s stride and came towards her, grabbing her up into a gentle hug. Emma tried to hug back, but only one arm was really any good to lift around Zelena’s tall frame. Her collar bone hurt when she lifted her left arm too far.

“Sweet girl,” Zelena sang. “Let’s have this be the last hospital visit for a while, hm?” her voice held a light humor that had Emma giggle, and then she was swept up by Mary Margaret, who kissed her numerous times on the cheek.

“Never, ever, ever, ever,” she repeated in between each kiss, and Emma giggled again as she leaned into the hug, “do this again.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” she said as she felt her hair being ruffled by David, whose sweet smile hadn’t faltered once.

Only Ruby seemed apprehensive about having a light-hearted reunion, and she held onto Emma closely and whispered in her ear: “I love you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” she answered, wincing as Ruby’s hug was a little too tight for her injuries. “I know. And I love you. And I can’t say sorry enough.”

“Affection. Gross…” August scoffed, taking a sip from a steaming Styrofoam cup. “Can we leave now? I’d like to get a decent cup of coffee.”

“I know just the spot,” Zelena said, coming and taking his arm in hers, and Emma almost saw a spark as they looked at each other. However, she was much too tired to put two and two together at that time.

“Sounds good,” he fished in his pocket, and took out Emma’s keys. Not even considering giving them to her, he handed them to Regina and said: “I cleaned the passenger’s seat for you.”

Regina smiled. “Thanks, August. You’re amazing.” She turned to Emma. “Let’s get you home.”

Zelena leaned forward and gave Emma one last kiss before following with her sister. “I’ll be there soon. I need a night out after that drive,” she gave August a wink, who smiled into his cup.

“You’re staying with us?” Emma nearly gushed excitement, feeling herself perk up from her exhaustion a little.

“I am,” she said. “But you’d better be fast asleep by the time I get in tonight.”

***

Emma did Zelena one better, and was asleep before they reached the apartment. Regina had never had a harder time waking her up to get to her upstairs. Once inside the apartment, Emma nearly fell into her arms, sighing against her skin. A pleading vibrated through her, but Regina couldn’t make out the words. Emma had started to slip far before they had even gotten in the car. She had seen it as the doctor had tried to talk to Emma, she’d seen it when their friends were greeting her; Emma trying to hold herself together while looking at Regina for reassurance. At the same time, she saw apprehension behind her eyes as Emma was worried that Regina was so upset that she wasn’t going to care for her.

She couldn’t be more wrong. Regina had fought every urge to keep herself from being too protective. She had worked hard to not go completely mama bear on Emma and everyone else around her for hours. Regina’s chest had been heavy all afternoon, trying to keep herself together around the company that they had and the public eye. Now they were in the privacy of the apartment again, and it honestly felt like it had been years since they had been there. That was when their conversation that morning came back into her head, and Regina knew that as tired as Emma was, she couldn’t go to sleep just yet.

Grabbing hold of Emma’s thighs, she hoisted her up around her hip, and began walking them to the bathroom. “C’mon. Let’s take a bath.”

“No…” Emma’s protest had no fight in it, but Regina knew it would still be difficult to keep her awake as she bathed her.

“Yes.” She tried sitting Emma down on the toilet seat to undress her, but Emma clung to her. “Emma,” she brought out a warning tone. “That’s enough. Hands up please.”

Emma finally did as she was told, releasing her hold around Regina’s neck and putting her right arm high in the air. The other stayed close to Emma’s side, and Regina felt a pang in her chest. She removed Emma’s shirt and bra tenderly, avoiding all contact with Emma’s collarbone. Turning on the water, she helped Emma undress the rest of the way, and then lowered her into the tub. Emma rested her arm on the lip of the bath and used it as a pillow for her head, closing her eyes as Regina took a washcloth to her body. Several times, she made Emma pivot so that she could reach a different spot, and Emma did so without opening her eyes, breath shallow as she allowed herself to be washed.

“Emma,” Regina called kindly as she began to rinse the soap off of Emma’s frame. “Do you remember our talk this morning?”

Emma blinked a couple of times, and looked at Regina. The one eye that was swollen looked a little better, and Regina reminded herself to give Emma some anti-inflammatories before she went to sleep for the night. “Talk?”

“Yes, baby. About accidents in our sleep?”

Emma had been so uncomfortable with the conversation that morning that Regina had been expecting Emma to shift headspaces just slightly at the mention. Instead, her features stayed soft as she nodded her head, eyes sleepily blinking. “Uh huh,” she answered, no edge in her voice.

Regina stayed quiet for a moment, deciding how to move forward. She didn’t want Emma to give her an answer when she was this tired, or this little. She needed a grown-up decision if she was going to respect Emma’s boundaries. That being said, she remembered Emma’s near-dream reaction in the car on the way to the hospital, and knew that she couldn’t put it off. Luckily, she did have an alternative ready. She just needed Emma to do it while she was in this headspace.

Once she was done rinsing Emma off, she held Emma under her arms, and guided her to her feet. Wrapping one towel around her, Regina grabbed another and used it to pat Emma’s face. She brought her little one into a hug and kissed a hot, flush cheek. “Mommy needs you to do something for her.”

Emma looked at Regina, and she could see little wide eyes staring at her expectantly. Smiling, Regina rubbed up and down Emma’s arms. “Can you wait here?” After a nod of confirmation, Regina went into her bedroom closet and grabbed the overnight pull-ups that she had purchased at the same time as the bottle. There were several items inside that she had purchased just in case, but had yet to use them. And she was glad she had. Under the circumstances, this was going to have to be their compromise. She had thought about them the night before, but seeing how upset and tired Emma had been, she hadn’t wanted to bring them up. She didn’t feel she had a choice to put it off any longer.

She grabbed a pair of Emma’s pajamas and went back to her in the bathroom. She put the pull-up and the pajamas on the counter and finished drying Emma off. “Now, Mama’s going to go get dressed. Can you be a big girl, and put on your panties and jamies?”

Regina waited for Emma’s reaction. Emma seemed to stare behind Regina’s shoulder suspiciously at the stack of clothes on the counter. She was quiet for a long time before she finally looked back at Regina. “Do I have to brush my teeth, too?”

Regina couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, and she kissed Emma on the nose. “Yes, please. But would you answer my first question before I go?”

Emma seemed to think about it harder this time. “Mkay.” Her voice was getting smaller and smaller, apparently too small or too tired to ask questions or not take it in stride.

“Good girl. I’ll be in the bedroom, okay?” Regina closed the door behind her, giving Emma her privacy. It felt off to do it, but at this juncture, it was the only way she could handle the situation. Emma was in the bathroom a long time as she changed, and finally Regina knocked on the door. “Emma? Can Mama come in?”

“Kay,” a little voice called back, and Regina opened the door to Emma fully dressed in her pajamas and sitting on the counter with her toothbrush. She looked up at Regina. “I was waiting for you,” she stated simply, holding up her toothbrush as if the gesture would explain everything.

Regina chuckled, and put her hands under Emma’s arms to help her off the counter, grabbing her own toothbrush. Emma watched her intently, and mimicked her actions as she applied toothpaste and brushed. When they were done, Regina grabbed some ibuprofen and filled a glass, handing it to Emma. When she made a face, Regina raised a brow. “Take them, please.”

Emma finally did as she was told, and when Regina took the glass away, she wrapped Emma up in her arms, who put her head on Regina’s shoulder. She could tell Emma put her fingers in her mouth, and as she rubbed up and down Emma’s back, she hummed softly. “You sleepy, baby?”

Emma only responded with a hum, and Regina lowered a hand to feel at Emma’s bottom that she had indeed put the pull-up on. The crinkling sensation on her hand did something to Regina. She held Emma closer with the knowledge that her little one was bundled up, and felt Emma only tense up slightly at the touch. She pulled away and kissed Emma’s forehead. “Let’s go lay down, hm?”

Emma looked up at her with big eyes, and took her fingers out of her mouth. “Milkies, Mama?” The expression on her face was one of hope and apprehension. And Regina realized: Emma was still weary that Regina was going to reject her after the day they had had. Even this far under, even with Regina caring for her the way she was, Emma still doubted her worthiness after what she had pulled. And Regina was mad, there was no doubt about it. She was upset that Emma hadn’t thought to call anyone, upset that Emma had walked into the situation blindly, and worried that Emma could be provoked into it so easily. But that didn’t change anything. They had work to do, and a little repair to mend, but Emma was still her love, still her Little One.

Regina put a hand on Emma’s cheek. She knew she had some milk, though not as much as Emma might want or need. That’s when another thought occurred to her; neither of them had eaten since the morning. Regina hadn’t been the least bit hungry all day, but now that Emma was safe at home, her senses came back to her.

Regina guided Emma to bed, where she laid her down and found her paci. Putting it in Emma’s willing mouth, she starting to walk out of the room, but Emma shot up in bed, looking after her with wide, terrified eyes. She reached her arms out, and Regina saw her wince in pain when she had extended her collarbone too far. She felt a pang in her chest, and came back to Emma, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “Mama’s going to get you milkies, sweetheart.”

Emma’s brows furrowed in confusion, and she tried to grasp onto Regina in response. Her eyes watered, and Regina felt a pull at her heart. “I’ll be quick. I promise.”

When Regina came back with the warmed-up bottle of milk and honey, Emma was still sitting up, eyes half-open, brows still furrowed, and tears were streaming down her cheeks. Tiny sniffles were escaping from her, little hiccups muffled by her paci. The very sight of it stopped Regina’s heart in a blend of adoration and heartbreak. She looked adorable and pitiful all at the same time; a mixture that was irresistible for Regina. And for a split second, the entirety of the day disappeared and all she could see or think about was the little one on her bed, reaching out for her.

“Oh, baby. Come here,” Regina was on the bed quickly. She put the bottle on the bedside table and brought Emma into her lap, wiping away her tears and rocking her as Emma stared up at her wide-eyed and sniffling. She could see the apology and sorrow in those big green eyes, pupils large in her headspace and lids hooded with exhaustion. “My sweet girl,” she crooned. “I love you so much, do you know that?”

A hiccup answered her, and Emma’s hand went up to grab gently at her shirt, fist white with the effort. “Mama doesn’t have enough milk right now, baby. Let’s have your bottle, hm?” Regina lowered her down to cradle in the bend of her arm, and took Emma’s paci out of her mouth. She let it take the place of the warm bottle on the end table and brought the nipple to Emma’s lips.

Emma’s eyes darted first to her breast, and then back at the bottle before opening her mouth and closing it around the nipple. She gave one long suck, and then a heavy sigh escaped her, and she melted against Regina’s chest. Her hooded eyes gazed at Regina as she suckled, and Regina rocked her steadily as she held the bottle.

It was the first moment of the day that she felt totally at peace, holding Emma closely to her, watching the bottle bob up and down as Emma drained it of milk. Her eyes were getting heavy, but she was fighting hard to keep them open, and Regina smiled down at her. “Close your eyes, my little fighter.”

Emma blinked slowly a few times, a hum around the nipple to express her commitment to staying awake. However, it was a battle she was losing quickly, and soon, Regina felt all the muscles in Emma’s body liquidize, and her heavy eyelids finally closed. Her lips slackened around the bottle, only half-way gone, and she let out a tiny sigh in sleep.

Regina smiled, gazing down at the newly sleeping girl, and took a moment to be thankful that Emma was here in her arms. It could have ended very differently than it had, the red marks around Emma’s neck a harsh reminder. Regina felt her eyes smart, but she quickly shook them away, and gently replaced Emma’s bottle with her pacifier in between her lips. In her sleep, Emma suckled sporadically, making Regina chuckle as she lowered Emma down to rest on the bed.

She let Emma sleep as she made herself some leftover Thanksgiving food in the microwave and tidied up. As she ate, she heard footsteps and the front door to the apartment open, Zelena coming in singing. She ran into the entryway, and shushed Zelena, who simply smiled widely at Regina and brought her into an unreciprocated hug. “Ah, Bun!” she cooed. “The hills are alive with the sounds of August’s sweet voice!”

“Will you shut up,” Regina hissed as she pushed Zelena away. “Emma’s asleep.”

“Oh, Good girl,” Zelena said cheerily as if Emma could hear the praise, throwing her jacket and keys on the entryway cabinet and prancing into the kitchen. “I’m in need of some wine. What have you got?” She didn’t wait for an answer as she began rummaging through cabinets and finding two wine glasses and a bottle of red. “Anyway, I haven’t been made love to like that in fucking years. Ugh, reminded me of my college days. Did you know August went to college in Thailand? Thailand, for fuck’s sake! Let me tell you, dirty talk in Thai just brings it to a whole new level.”

Regina’s stomach turned, and she rubbed her temples with two fingers. “Jesus Christ, please hurry with the wine.”

Zelena handed over the newly poured glass and rolled her eyes as she passed Regina to head into the living room. “Please. I bought you a fucking breast pump today.” she scoffed. “Anyway, he wanted me to stay the night, but I made it pretty clear that my little sister needed me. Men. They can be so clingy after a roll around.”

Regina didn’t say anything to that, but came and sat next to Zelena on the couch.

“How is she then?” Zelena sipped her wine as Regina sighed.

“She’s exhausted, but I think she’s okay. Physically, anyway.”

“No nightmares yet?”

“The night is young,” Regina sipped her wine and laid back against the couch cushions.

“How are you?” Zelena’s voice had turned low in seriousness, and Regina couldn’t help but laugh as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Honestly? Relieved.”

Zelena chuckled. “Can’t stay mad at that one, can you?” she pat Regina’s leg affectionately as she sipped her wine. Regina just shook her head with a smile. “Well,” Zelena smiled back. “I think it’s safe to say that after that glass, you should go join her. I know you like to act tough with me, but you’re knackered.”

Just then, Regina heard little feet padding down the hallway, and soon, she saw a little face peering around the corner. She sat upright, and looked at Zelena. “And you talk too loud. Hello, darling,” she called to Emma, who the moment she heard her name, came out from hiding. Regina closed her eyes and pressed her lips together to keep herself from laughing when Emma revealed that she had brought half of the bed with her. She was rolled up like a marshmallow in a large down comforter, and a pillow was squished in between her arms. Long blonde curls were tossed all over the place, and her eyes were still heavy, but she had lost her pacifier at some point. She headed straight for Regina’s lap, and plopped down on top of her, making both Regina and Zelena laugh as she curled up and closed her eyes.

“My god, did you put Velcro all over the bedding?” Zelena scoffed.

Regina shook her head as she put her wine glass down and wrapped Emma up in her arms. “This is just what she does.”

“Hello, little dove,” Zelena called, and Emma gave a little hello as she rested her head on Regina’s chest.

“Okay,” Regina finally conceded, kissing Emma’s cheek and patting down her hair. “Time for all of us to go to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a good holiday. Be safe tomorrow night if you celebrate!


	22. And Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've updated some tags, including ABDL and diapers. Just letting you know, this may be where you want to stop if that's not your thing.

_Emma saw nothing but darkness, and a pressure bit into her throat. It wrapped around and closed her windpipe, making the already stale air completely unattainable. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. But nothing, no sound came. Maybe if she were stronger, maybe if she really kicked, fought, she could escape._

Emma bolted awake, gasping for breath. There was a searing pain in her throat as she struggled, but just as she sat up and flailed her arms, Regina was there.

“It’s okay!” Regina was on her knees, hands grabbing at Emma’s thrashing limbs. “I’m here. You’re at home in our bed. You’re safe.”

Emma grabbed back at Regina’s hands, and was able to steady herself. Tears ran down her cheeks, and they burned her swollen eye. “I’m sorry!” she sobbed. “Regina! I’m sorry!” She wasn’t even sure what she was apologizing for. Waking Regina up, accidentally kicking or hitting her, the nightmare that had been their day, all of it.

Regina’s hands were on her cheeks, making their eyes connect. “Sshh, you’re alright. It’s all okay,” she assured. The voice was strong and so sure, making her want to hold on as close as she could.

Emma threw her arms around Regina and hugged her tightly, but as she did so, she let out a choked yell at the pain of her broken bone.

“Slow movements, Emma.” Regina steadied her with a hand on the back of her head, cradling her to her chest. “Stop and breathe.” Regina took a deep breath, and it was evident that Emma was supposed to follow. She did, pressing her eyes closed and allowing herself to be calmed.

They stayed that way for a few minutes before she felt Regina kiss the top of her head. Emma took a much-appreciated last deep breath, and her shoulders slumped. Her body was still very sore, but she needed to get up. Thankfully, her dream had ended quickly. She knew if she had really gone under, Regina would have had a much harder time getting her to calm down, and she also would have a completely different problem on her hands. As that hadn’t happened, her bladder was screaming at her.

Emma sighed, and tilted her head up to find Regina’s lips. They shared a long, soft kiss. Regina felt wonderful here in bed looking after her, offering whatever comfort Emma asked for. It still amazed her. “I’ve gotta get up,” she whispered and licked her lips, savoring her partner’s taste.

She felt Regina search her eyes before nodding, and she let go so that Emma could leave the bed. As she did, she felt the sensation of the pull-up around her, and it made her walk slowly and awkwardly to the bathroom. It hadn’t really hit her in her smaller headspace; she had been so tired and desperate for Regina to take care of her. But now…the first thing that occurred to her was how thankful she was with how careful Regina had approached it. She had allowed Emma to take the reins, left her alone to fend for herself as she dressed, which was usually a task that Regina had completed for her. She even closed the door and gave her privacy, and Emma wasn’t convinced Regina would have fought her on it if she had really thrown a fit about wearing them in the first place. It warmed her at how respectful Regina had been with her boundaries.

But now, she was alone in the bathroom, her whole body ached, and the dream she had was looming over her. It was dawning on her that Gold was going to have a hold on her throat for a long time, would be waiting for her when she closed her eyes, would be chasing her in her dreams, and the only escape she may find was to hide in the suitcase until she awoke.

After she was done, and she pulled up the overnights and her pajama bottoms. It felt awkward and different, but there was also a strange wonder in the sensation: as if the ultimate protection had a physical existence, and that made it strangely comforting. The thought surprised her, and she brooded confusedly as she washed her hands. As she did so, she made the mistake of glancing in the mirror. That’s when the coldness of being in there alone when there was warmth just beyond that door was more than she could handle. And she wanted her Mama.

It hit her with such force that it nearly took the breath right out of her again, and she buried her face in her hands and started to cry. She didn’t know if it was what had happened that day, or if it was the dream, or remembering the loving faces of all of those people that had waited around for hours just for her, or if it was the realization that this new thing hugging her hips was surprisingly soothing. Maybe it was all of the above. Whatever the case, all was far too overwhelming. Too much to sort through, too many things to have feelings for. The sudden desire to talk to Regina about this new development came over her, but also the realization that her current headspace was shifting swiftly, and she didn’t have the words to articulate with such strong emotions. She couldn’t right now.

“Emma?”

And suddenly, Regina was there, hands coming up to take her own, pulling them away from her face. She didn’t realize until that moment that she had actually been calling for Regina as she cried, actually whimpering “help”. The surprise on her face evident as Regina brushed a blonde lock out of her eyes and cupped her face. “I’m here, Little One. I’m right here,” she assured, pulling Emma in.

“I got scared…” Emma uttered, not finding any better articulation for her feelings as she hid her face in the crook of Regina’s neck.

“Mama’s here, sweetheart. There’s no need to be scared.” Pulling away, dark brown eyes smiled at her. “What scared you?”

Emma played with her lip with her fingers, tapping her teeth. “I dunno. You weren’t here to help me.”

A slight tilt of a head, and the smile widened. “We can talk about Mama helping you later. But right now, I bet I know what’ll make you feel better.”

Emma wiped her sniffles with a fist. “What?”

By magic, a tissue took its place and dried Emma’s nose and eyes. Mama leaned in to kiss her newly dry cheek. “We can go lay down and have our milk before we go back to sleep.”

Emma bit her bottom lip and her face cracked into a huge smile. She bounced on the balls of her feet as she dove back into the warm body.

Mama laughed again, and Emma felt her warms hands rub her up and down like she did when she felt super snuggly. But then she heard a tisking sound, and she was out of the embrace as Mama pulled away and started fidgeting with the hem of her pants. “Baby,” she chided. “You have to make sure that the top tape isn’t tucked in. Otherwise it can irritate your skin.”

Emma instantly felt a glowing in her tummy as Mama fussed at her pull-up, and her fingers found her mouth to suck as she basked in the task being done.

A kiss to her cheek made her start, and she realized that she’d closed her eyes while standing up. Walking to bed was too far, she decided, and she put her arms out and reached. When she felt herself being lifted, she took her fingers out of her mouth to whisper, “Milkies?”

“Mmhm,” she heard by her ear, and soon she was laying down, Mama cradling her close.

Emma buried her face in Mama’s chest and breathed in deep, getting her fill of the sweet scent. She smelled wonderful, _felt_ wonderful. For the life of her, she couldn’t remember why she had been so upset just a few moments ago. Clearly, everything was fine. She had nothing to worry about. Emma fidgeting with the shirt keeping her from her milk with no luck, but then it was off because she was helped, and she felt the soft mound guided to her lips. It confirmed her own attempts to soothe herself; anytime a problem arose, Mama helped. The world made sense here; she could depend on things.

She closed her lips around it and eagerly sucked. Milk flooded her mouth, and she melted against the soft body that smelled just like the milk tasted: sweet, whole, no other words would come to her. The breast pillowing her cheek had no equal; it was by far the best place in the world.

And then a hand was patting her bottom: Mama’s secret weapon. It was rare that Emma didn’t fight the tactic, but tonight, she just closed her eyes and let it take her down. The padding of the pull-up added a new element to the gesture, and if she weren’t so calmed by the nursing, she her mind would have been able to articulate how incredibly serene it felt.

Rare was it to be alone with just her, without the voice in the background, hackling her with doubts, calling out snide comments. Emma could count on one hand how many times it had actually happened. But now, that number was rising. This moment felt so complete, so perfect, so quiet.

It was only interrupted by being made to shift, feeling the protective arms holding her move her to her other side. Emma didn’t like to be interrupted. It took a lot of work to get things quiet, and it wasn’t fair when it fought to break. She squirmed, eyes flying open and the sting in them felt like the end of her world.

“Sshh…Babygirl. Sshh…” The arms didn’t let go of her. In fact, they held her closer. She followed the lead, desperately rooting to fill her head with quiet, gripping the first item she found. Soft, smooth, tender.

A familiar sensation on her bottom lip, and she closed her mouth around it, latching on with a practiced hold. Fresh milk slid down, and she sighed in relief. _There_ was the quiet. She nestled into it.

A soft, familiar noise of humming that vibrated from the chest she was resting against, her bottom being patted in a perfect rhythm. Emma opened her eyes one last time, peering up at the face she loved. It recognized her looking, and smiled down at her before she closed her eyes again to let the soothing take her down.

***

Regina didn’t bother trying to cook quietly as Zelena snored on the couch. She had managed to fling her clothes and belongings all over the living room, and it seemed that every limb was outstretched in any place other than on the furniture.

She sipped her coffee as she turned the stovetop on, and knew that once the cooking started, the smell of Emma’s favorite was going to wake her up and make her come running down the hall. Other than the small nightmare (small in Emma standards), they had had a fairly peaceful night of sleep. And they had also had somewhat of a breakthrough in Emma’s headspace. Last night, Emma had fallen under deeply, and they needed to talk about the role her wearing a pullup had played in it. Regina knew a lot of it was the trauma from the day that had sunk her so far as well, and she was going to have to get some clarity about it all so that she knew how to move forward. Emma starting to cry as she helped herself in the bathroom was a sure sign that she was not only willing, but wanting and needing to be helped by Regina when she was in little headspace. However, she wasn’t going to take anything for granted: she needed confirmation.

Once the griddle got going, Regina heard the sure noises of Zelena coming to, yawning loudly and saying on top of it: “Holy fuck, that smells good.”

Rolling her eyes to herself, Regina got out two more mugs, and poured her sister some coffee. She didn’t make eye contact with Zelena as she walked in; she just handed her the mug.

“Thanks, Bun.” Zelena said, coming in and kissing Regina on the temple. “Where’s the brat?”

“Sleeping.” She flipped the first pancake on the griddle.

“Wake her up. I want to play!”

Regina chuckled. “Give it a minute. She’ll be out the second she smells this. Trust me.”

Sure enough, Regina heard feet coming down fast, and Emma came charging in, face aglow and mouth spread in a wide smile. “Sourdough pancakes!?” she squeaked.

Regina gave her sister a smirk. “Told ya.”

Emma was bouncing on the balls of her feet, and Regina poured her a hot mug of coffee. Before she handed it to her, she leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “Go sit down, please. It’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

“Hi Zelena!” Emma screamed as she ran out of the kitchen, trying and failing not to spill a bit of her coffee.

“Slow down please!” Regina called as she heard Emma sit down at the dining room table.

“Hello, Dove,” Zelena sang, turning to follow Emma.

Regina heard them chattering as she continued to make breakfast. By the time she was done, the pancakes, bacon, and hash browns were all golden brown, and the apartment was thick with their smell. She set Emma’s and Zelena’s down first, then served herself. When she finally sat down, she closed her eyes and took in a deep sigh.

She heard Emma chuckle. “Don’t worry, Regina,” she assured as she bit through a piece of her bacon. “I’ll clean up the kitchen after breakfast. You can go relax on the couch.”

“After Zelena is done cleaning that,” Regina gave her sister an annoyed smile.

Undeterred, Zelena sipped her coffee. “Don’t worry. I’ll have it clean. I’m out of here by ten. August and I are meeting up once more before I head home.”

Emma stopped chewing, and Regina saw her eyes narrow. “How come?” she tilted her head in question.

 _Here we go_ , Regina thought.

Zelena sighed, a huge smile coming across her face as she looked off into nothing. “If I’m lucky, I’ll get one last romp before I have to go back to my boring life in New York.”

Emma had taken a sip of her coffee, and it came sputtering back out into the mug. She started coughing, coffee splattered on her face. Regina was up in a flash, napkin in her hand as she wiped at Emma. Emma was staring wide-eyed at Zelena, unconsciously ducking Regina’s attempts to clean her face. “You slept with August?!”

Zelena got a dreamy look in her eyes. “I did. And it was magical!” she hadn’t discontinued her far-away stare.

“Dude! _Gross_!” Emma yelled incredulously as Regina gave up wiping her face and went back to her seat.

Zelena sighed and rested her chin on her knuckles, still gazing dreamily out at the living room. “It is, yeah. In all the best ways.”

“Regina!” Emma’s wide-eyed stare fell on Regina as she sat back down, and she pointed across the table at Zelena. “She’s fucking August!”

Regina reached over and slapped Zelena on the arm. “This is the problem with you saying fuck all the time,” she accused.

“Because she’s never heard it before,” Zelena mumbled, grabbing her coffee to take a sip.

“Super gross,” Emma grimaced.

“He doesn’t have cooties just because he’s a boy, you know?” Zelena winked at Emma, clearly delighting in the tantrum being thrown.

“August doesn’t have cooties because he’s a boy. August has cooties because he’s _August_!” Emma shot back.

For the second time in twenty-four hours, Regina rubbed at her temple, feeling a headache coming on. “Is it too much to ask,” she sighed into her coffee. “To have one quiet day? Just one?”

Emma made a face, and picked up her fork. She gave Zelena a brooding look. “Super gross,” she repeated under her breath, taking a couple more bites of her pancakes. She looked up again. “Why do you have to leave today? I want you to stay.”

Zelena gave Emma a sweet smile. “I’ve got clients tomorrow, Little Dove.”

Emma slumped in her chair, picking up a piece of bacon and munching on it moodily. Regina bit back her smile. “We have plenty to do around here, anyway,” she conceded to both Emma and Zelena.

“Like what?” Emma asked.

“Like,” Regina raised her eyebrows and nodded, trying to give Emma a wordless signal. “you should probably think about when you are going back to work and what you need to do to prepare. And we should invite Ruby and Mary Margaret for dinner, and you and I maybe have a couple of talks due and a little bit of shopping?”

If Emma had any distress about Regina’s insinuations, she didn’t show it. She continued to crunch her bacon and shook her head. “I’m not going back to work tomorrow. I have a doctor’s note,” she stated, as if that settled the whole affair.

“You don’t have a boss. Who are you giving the note to?” Regina raised an eyebrow.

“August,” Emma smirked.

Regina rolled her eyes and left the conversation at that.

Emma’s eyes welled up with tears as Zelena said her goodbyes, making it surprisingly easier for Regina to see her sister off. Being strong for Emma gave her a much better handle on her emotions, and her embrace with Zelena didn’t leave her weeping for the first time in as long as she could remember.

“You,” Zelena cooed as she grabbed hold of Emma’s cheeks softly and kissed each side. “Stay out of trouble. Worry my sister like that again, and I’ll drive up here and punish you myself,” she threatened in an only half-joking tone. Emma’s response was the throw her arms around Zelena tightly, and Regina nearly had to pry them apart just so Zelena could finally take her leave.

Short of taking a toothbrush to scrub in between the counter tiles, Emma had done quite a number of the kitchen. But as soon as she was done, Regina brought her in for a soft hug and kissed cheek. “We need to talk, love.”

Those cheeks stained pink as Emma looked down at the arms around her waist, and she nodded silently. Regina smiled, and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind Emma’s ear. “Can you tell me why you were crying in the bathroom last night?”

Emma shrugged, “I got overwhelmed. But it was with good and…not really bad emotions. Just confused ones.”

Rubbing the small of Emma’s back, Regina coaxed her. “Confusion about what?” she asked, keeping her voice soft and light.

Emma’s fingers came up to her mouth, and she began playing with her bottom lip. “The pullup…felt…feels good.” Her eyes were still downcast, and Regina allowed the nervous tick to continue for the time being, keeping a close eye on whether or not Emma began to shift headspaces. She wanted to keep this an adult conversation, so if Emma went under, she was ready to shift with her.

“And that was confusing because you weren’t expecting that?”

Emma nodded silently.

“It’s okay, darling,” she assured, kissing Emma’s temple. “It’s just us.”

“Yeah but,” Emma looked up then, and her fingers playing with her lip got in the way of her annunciating everything perfectly. “I also got sad because you weren’t there with me? And that also surprised me? So, I didn’t have an accident last night, but I still got really sad because I kind of felt like…” she paused for a moment, furrowing her brows, and Regina could tell she was looking for the right words to articulate when she had been feeling. “I don’t know. I felt like if I’m gunna wear protection for accidents, then I’d be in the mindset to need you to help me. And that’s just kind of…not worrisome…but…”

Despite the obvious struggle Emma was going through, Regina’s smile spread, and she leaned forward to bump their foreheads gently together as she realized what the problem actually was. “Emma,” she chuckled. “I’ve had your clit in my mouth. I’ve taken you from behind and spanked your bare butt. I’ve wiped you down with a towel after you’ve squirted. You don’t have to be self-conscious about me changing your diapers.”

She could tell that the last part of her sentence had an effect on Emma, who squirmed on her feet and pinched her lip harder in between her thumb and finger, cheeks going a much darker shade of red. Regina kissed a hot cheek once again. “You know my boundary, sweetheart. All you have to do is say the word, and it’s off the table.”

Emma mumbled something, and Regina gently removed Emma’s fingers from her lip, giving her a kind but pointed look, and Emma swallowed before she repeated herself. “I don’t want to say no,” she replied, her voice clinging to a higher note, one that was all too familiar to Regina now.

Regina felt a flutter in her heart as she pulled Emma closer, raking her fingers into Emma’s hair. “Are you absolutely sure?”

“Yeah,” Emma said.

“Alright,” Regina breathed out. “Would you like to go shopping today and get some supplies?”

Emma seemed to brighten up a bit at the idea of going shopping, and Regina chuckled. “Have you taken your pullup off?” she murmured, and Emma shook her head. “Okay, how about I help you take it off and get dressed, and we can start our day?” When Emma nodded, Regina held her hand and let them into the bathroom, where she took Emma’s pajama pants off, and then had her raise her arms to take her shirt off. Emma stood in just her pullup, her arms tucked into her chest, her fingers coming up to her mouth, and she scooted into Regina’s embrace as Regina pulled the crinkling fabric down Emma’s legs and had her step out of them.

She dressed Emma in her grownup underwear and clothes, pecking her on the lips as she instructed her to brush her teeth and wash her face so that they could go out shopping.

***

Emma basked in the moment of Regina taking care of her, knowing that for the now, they had a lot of grownup things to do. Regina had wanted her to call Ruby and Mary Margaret and invite them to dinner, and it prompted the topic of the three and their living situation in her mind. She was going to have to go home at some point, but even then, she had a feeling that dynamics were going to change. Mary Margaret and David were pretty close to their wedding date, and would probably want to move in together soon, but that didn’t solve where it left her and Ruby. She was nursing from Regina now, which did add an obstacle in them living apart, not to mention how in the hell she’d handle a nightmare or flashback on her own in the middle of the night, but she also figured it was way too soon for them to move in together. As she and Regina shopped, and she arranged via text with her friends, she laughed to herself at the old lesbian u-haul joke.

It took every ounce of her energy not to feel little while she and Regina picked out her items at Target. She bounced on the balls of her feet, a hand grasping the back of Regina’s shirt as Regina hummed a little tune and thoughtfully read labels and picked out items. Things Emma had no clue were even something to consider seemed to be common knowledge to her Mama as she put things in their cart.

Emma peered inside and then looked around nervously, gaging if anyone walking around was picking up on their presence in the baby section. Regina chuckled and pressed her lips to Emma’s temple. “There’s not a whole lot that’s strange about grown women shopping in the baby section, you know. In fact, I think that’s pretty much the sole target audience.”

Emma pressed her lips together and nodded. “I guess so,” she answered, sighing off the nervousness. She wandered into the next isle by herself and perused some more items, her eyes falling on a blanket that had a stuffed puppy head popping out of the center. She felt a squeal erupt inside her chest as she dove for it, pulling it off the shelf and examining it carefully. It was so soft. Emma brought it up to her face and nuzzled it gently.

She jumped and pulled the blankie away from herself as she felt a hand pressed on the small of her back. “Would you like that, sweetheart?”

Emma turned to the familiar voice, her eyes wide and bright. “Really?” she squeaked, and Regina chuckled, kissing her sweetly on the cheek.

“Put it in the cart, and Mama will wash it for you when we get home.”

Emma was so happy with her discovery and so fidgety with anticipation that she was far too distracted to worry about other customers maybe guessing what was going on as they checked out. She started to skip towards the car in the parking lot, but felt a jolt of pain in several areas, almost doubling over. For a while there, she had completely forgotten that she was injured and very sore.

“Emma,” Regina’s voice sounded slightly panicked as she released the cart to grab Emma’s hand and hold it. “Slow down.”

Emma heard the ghost of yesterday’s edge in Regina’s voice, and she stayed by her partner’s side as she squeezed her hand back. “Sorry,” she said in a small voice.

Looking sideways, she saw Regina’s set jaw and heard the heaving of a relieved breath. A rush of guilt hit Emma in the chest, and she walked closer to Regina, puppy eyes coming out to search for a calmer face.

Regina didn’t miss it, and turned slightly to acknowledge Emma’s attempt, leaning sideways to peck Emma on the temple as she guided them to the Mercedes.

Emma fidgeting with her hands as they drove home, the back and forth texts between her, Ruby, and Mary Margaret forgotten for a moment as she continued to give Regina sideways glances. “I feel okay,” she said suddenly, kicking herself for the obvious hopefulness in her tone. “I mean…I’m really sore…but,” she trailed off, and bowed her head, realizing that anything she could possibly say to make Regina feel better about yesterday would just be a pathetic attempt.

But to her surprise, those lips curled up in a slight smile, and Regina’s hand came to grasp onto hers, ending the fidgeting there. “I know you’re okay, darling. And believe me, I couldn’t be more thankful for it.”

Emma felt a fresh pang of guilt when she noticed that Regina’s eyes had started to smart, and her face tightened in an effort to hold the tears back. Emma brought the hand she held up to her lips and kissed the knuckles there. “I don’t have any words. Everything I say to try and make it better just sounds really stupid in my head. Probably means it sounds really _really_ stupid out loud. But if there were words to make it all better, I’d say them. I mean…I’d probably shout them or sing them or something…whatever would make them sound even better.”

At this, Regina’s smile widened, and her eyes seemed to dry up as she found humor in Emma’s usual ramblings. “And yet, the things you come up with always fill me with joy.” The way she said it made them both giggle and it lightened the mood just enough to make the rest of the journey back to the apartment enjoyable and light-hearted.

Emma was dubbed “sous chef” as Regina made Chicken Parmesan, roasted potatoes, and green beans with almonds in them that Emma was certain she was going to be made to have at least 3 bites of. She was tasked with setting the table and opening the wine to “let it breathe” as they waited for the doorbell to ring.

When it did, and Emma answered, a cacophony of noise and chaos filled the apartment as Ruby, Mary Margaret, David, and Killian all came tumbling in, shedding their winter jackets and purses in the entryway and saying their hellos.

“You look so much better,” Mary Margaret gushed, and Emma tried to not burst her bubble by showing that she was squeezing hello a bit too hard.

And again, like magic, a hand was on her back, soothing the pain with a rub as Regina joined the greetings in the entryway. She saw a secret wink as she turned her attention to David, who ruffled her hair and made a comment about the color being back in her cheeks.

“You do take good care of her,” Ruby said as she hugged Regina. “Even if it means you took her away.” They both chuckled, and Regina and Emma guided everyone into the living room.

“This is a nice place,” Killian said, looking around. “Never had the pleasure of being in the Queen’s chambers before. No wonder so many women liked to come over and play.”

“Killian!” Ruby smacked him in the stomach, and he winced, keeping himself upright despite the blow.

But Emma burst out laughing, and nodded her head. “Yup, that’s for sure why I stick around.”

Everyone was pretty impressed with Regina’s cooking, and Killian continued to dig into her about never seeing this side of her before while Ruby and Mary Margaret gave Emma smiles that clearly said they liked Regina even more.

“Emma only got a decent meal once every couple of weeks on Monday nights, so this is nice.”

“She still fights me on the healthier stuff,” Regina said, and Emma saw a secret glance given her way, Regina’s eyes darting to the green beans on Emma’s plate. She bit back any argument, and speared a couple with her fork.

After dinner was done, and the conversation split up into different segments, Ruby got Emma’s attention by patting her on the leg. “So when can we expect your return?”

Emma shrugged, taking a sip of her wine. “I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Honestly, the window thing really makes it hard to feel safe there.”

Ruby sighed. “Yeah, tell me about it. Mary Margaret stays with David most nights. And when she does, I kind of go back and fourth between Killian, Katherine, and a few other people. I don’t like being there alone. Stupid right? I mean, I guess it is now since they caught Gold.”

Emma winced at the name, hoping it didn’t show. “I’ve been thinking: maybe we should fast track thinking about what the two of us are gunna do once Mary Margaret moves in with David?”

“Yeah, I know. Wedding’s not too far from now, and honestly, I think Mary Margaret is just putting moving off for our sake.”

“Shouldn’t be that way,” Emma sighed. “She’s gotta move on to the next stage of her life and not feel like she needs to protect us.”

Ruby smiled, stealing a glance at Mary Margaret, who was fixated on a conversation she and Regina were having. “I think the only way that’s gunna happen is you and I being a united front and kicking her out. Let her know that we want it for her as much as she wants it for herself.” She focused back on Emma. “We do, right?”

Emma nodded enthusiastically. “No, without a doubt. I’m with you.”

“So, then what are we gunna do? I think we both want to get out of that house. It’s weird, you know? One experience out of years, and it totally changed how I feel about that place.”

Emma focused her eyes on the hand that was swirling her wine glass around, avoiding meeting Ruby’s. “Yeah. That’s usually how it works.”

“Hey,” Emma heard the calling in Ruby’s voice, and finally looked up to meet her eyes. “You sure you’re okay? I mean, what happened yesterday…”

“Is over,” Emma interrupted. “It was a stupid mistake on my part, and I’m lucky Robert did what he did. But I’d just like…I don’t know. Not to dwell on it too much.”

Ruby gave her a queer smile. “You’ve changed.”

Emma stared at her, brows furrowed. “In what way?”

A laugh as Ruby pressed her lips together, the look on her face seeming to be one of admiration. “I don’t know. Six months ago, you probably would have gotten up out of your chair and just walked off. I mean, you’re still kind of avoiding the subject, but you’re actually _telling_ me you’d rather not talk about it instead of me having to find that out by you just walking off and shutting me out.”

“I’m sorry,” Emma felt a lump in her throat as the guilt hit her. “I don’t mean to shut you out. I just…I’m still not good at talking about certain things.”

“No, that’s okay,” Ruby put her hand back on Emma’s thigh. “It’s always been okay that you don’t want to talk about heavy stuff. I hope you know that. It’s just that the way you avoided it before always worried me. You’re not doing that anymore. You’re not shutting down. You’re communicating. It’s…nice.”

Emma felt her cheeks redden a bit at the rawness her friend was showing, but she smiled back at her. “So, what are we gunna do? Put in our 30-day notice?”

And just like that, Ruby laughed, showing her feisty self again as she swallowed the rest of her wine. “We should probably find a spot first, so we don’t end up homeless.” Then she nodded her head in Regina’s direction. “You sure you don’t just want to stay here?”

Emma let out a huge sigh and widened her eyes. “I guess? I mean, isn’t it too soon?”

And Ruby gave a sincerely amused laugh as she smacked Emma lightly on the arm. “Because you two are moving so cautiously slow with everything else.”

“This is different…this is…moving in is a big step.”

Ruby shook her head, still chuckling. “Just making sure. It hasn’t been brought up before?”

“No,” Emma said quickly. “Not really. I guess there’s been way too much going on. I mean, she’s wanted me to stay here with her, but that’s because of everything that’s gone on and she’s been worried about my safety. It’ll be different now.”

“Well, just letting you know that I’m open to going at it alone if that’s your choice. I thought I knew Regina before, but honestly, I didn’t know the first thing about her. She’s really good for you. You’ve come a long way in a really short amount of time, and I know it’s because of her.”

***

Emma was trying really hard not to rub her eyes with a tired fist as the night wound down and she needed to stay together to say her goodbyes. She got hugs and kisses from Ruby and Mary Margaret, and that seemed to make it harder to fend off her exhaustion. Regina, clearly recognizing Emma’s drain in energy, took the reigns and guided everyone out the door. When it was finally quiet inside, she approached Emma with open arms and a huge smile on her face. “That was fun, but I’m glad it’s over,” she said as she brought Emma into her arms. She chuckled as Emma rested against her heavily, head coming down to rest on Regina’s shoulder. She felt a kiss planted on her temple. “It’s only seven o’clock, but you, my love, are going to bed.”

“Kay,” Emma mumbled as she felt her body being swayed from side to side, a calming motion as she closed her eyes. “Wait,” she suddenly popped up and gave Regina wide eyes. “I was gunna clean up!”

“Oh no,” Regina laughed. “The mess will still be there in the morning. It’s bed time for you.” Regina raised her knuckles to Emma’s cheek and caressed it, her expression softening along with her tone as she asked: “are you ready for Mama to help you get ready for bed?”

“Uh huh,” Emma hummed.

“Alright. Go brush your teeth while Mama gets ready, okay?”

Emma padded down the hall and into the master bathroom to do just that, washing her face as well, which helped soothe her aching tired eyes. When she came back into the bedroom, she saw that a large, soft mat was on top of the comforter as her changing pad, and laid out around it were several of the items that they had purchased that day.

Emma’s fingers were in her mouth before she could walk any closer, and as she stared at the items, Mama came to her, holding up Emma’s new puppy blankie and placing it in her hands. Emma brought it up to her face with her free hand, and rested her cheek against it, eyes closing as she recognized the smell of Mama’s laundry detergent. She was brought into a warm hug that she leaned her weight into, and as protective arms held her up, a whispering voice tickled her ear. “I’ve got you, sweetheart,” it assured, and Emma nuzzled into the arms around her, suckling loudly on her fingers to soothe her nerves. “What’s your color baby?”

Without taking her fingers out of her mouth, Emma muttered, “green,” which came out sounding more like “geen” and she heard a reassuring hum in response as Mama pulled away and led her gently to where the changing pad was.

“Lay down, Little One.” A gentle command, and Emma lowered herself to the bed and laid on her back. Her fingers were removed from her mouth, but before she could protest, they were replaced by her paci. Sighing around it, she brought her blankie up to her face, partially hiding in it as she felt her pajama bottoms being slid off of her legs and Mama’s hand press the inside of her thigh. She spread them, nuzzling further into the puppy face with her nose. “Emma? Can you give Mama a color?” As she heard the words, she felt a warm hand caress her tummy. It made it flutter, the cooling sensation of anxiety in her chest warming instantly at the touch, and she opened her eyes to meet the dark ones watching her.

“Uh huh,” she murmured, fingers playing with the ears of the puppy. He was real soft. Almost as soft as Mama’s skin when she held her, but not _that_ soft. Come to think of it, Mama holding her sounded pretty good just then, so she sprang her arms forward, making grabby fingers with the hand not holding onto blankie.

A raspy chuckle as those fingers were stilled by kissing lips. “Give Mama a color, Little One.”

“Milkies, Mama.”

The chuckle came again as Mama leaned down, kissing her nose and making her giggle around her paci. “Milkies very soon. Are we red?” she asked, giving Emma a little tickle on her side. She squirmed, laughing, and shaking her head. “Hmmm…are we….yellow!?” More tickles. She squealed and tried to scoot sideways, but just as quickly, the tickles were gone and Mama’s hands were on her hips, guiding her back to the middle of the changing pad. She shook her head as the giggles subsided. “Are we green?” feather kisses covered her cheeks in quick pecks, warming her belly even more, and she nodded as she laughed again, holding puppy up to Mama’s face, who kissed its cheek too before righting herself.

Emma dove her blankie back against her nose, closing her eyes and sighing into the fabric as she felt a pleasant sensation on her privates: light and feathery. She peeked to see Mama sprinkling powder on her. She liked that stuff, she decided. It smelled nice. When the feeling stopped, it was replaced by a palm massaging the inside of her thigh, and a kiss to her knee. And then Mama’s hand was tucking under Emma’s bottom, putting a kind pressure there and saying, “lift your bottom up, darling.”

Emma did as she was told, and a moment later Mama’s hand shifted to her pelvis to guide her back down. Her bottom hit a familiar crinkling fabric. One that she recognized from the night before as her pullup. “Such a good baby,” Mama cooed, and Emma felt the same soft crinkling come up around her pelvis, and then wrapped around.

Emma peeked again to see hands taping her diaper up snug around her legs, and that feeling of protection came with it, tied in a bow around her most sensitive area by the most nurturing person. She hugged the blankie to her chest as the sensation hit her, looking up at the curve of an adoring smile, soft eyes as Mama covered Emma’s legs with her pajama pants. When she was done, her hand patted the front of Emma’s diaper, and she and leaned down once more to place a long, tender kiss on Emma’s cheek. “That’s my Little One. Good job, babygirl,” she praised in the most incredible tone that Emma only heard in very rare, raw moments. If a voice could wrap her up in nirvana, it was that one. Mama using it now spoke volumes, and Emma’s hands were out again, grabbing to hold onto it, as if it were in the air to catch. She was caught in an embrace that she nuzzled into, a little peaceful sigh escaping her mouth.

Then Mama lowered her back down on the bed, and the warmth of her soft whispers faded as Emma felt Mama pull away and clean up around her. She heard a sink in the bathroom, and rolled herself over on her side, closing her eyes, focusing on her suckles and puppy pressed into the crook of her neck. The warmth in her tummy faded, and suddenly, it ached to fill it back up. Her eyes sprung open then, and a whimper escaped her lips. Milkies, she wanted to say, but for some strange reason, couldn’t find the word. It was stuck in her head. Held there like a prison, and how was she supposed to get it if she couldn’t ask?

Frustration and want escaped her throat, her eyes filling up with her being at a loss at how to fix it, her lips suckling strongly against the paci, willing it to help. But it didn’t.

Just as she was about to scream out another frustration, hands were under her arms, and she was fixed in a warm lap. Her head was cradled against familiarly supple skin, and she turned into it, crushing puppy against the two bodies and allowing her nose to follow the familiar curves of Mama’s skin. She felt the vibration of an adoring murmur, and her lips were freed from around the cold plastic that hadn’t given her milk. She rooted desperately, a little cry escaping her lips, and then a familiar peak touched the tip of her tongue.

She clasped her lips around it, tongue pulling, searching, until a flood of warm milk landed on her taste buds, and all of her senses were immersed in Mama. A relieved sky escaped her as she felt a thumb under her eye, wiping away the wetness there.

***

“Sshh…Mama’s here. Mama’s here now,” Regina murmured as she felt Emma relax into the nursing. As the sensation of those soft lips pulling deeply from her breast, she began rocking the little one in her arms, her free hand coming down to pat the padded bottom of her baby. How odd that something so simple felt so incredible, but the symbolism of the trust was what did it for Regina. Emma’s sniffling was fading, eyes drying as the thing she wanted was provided for her. Emma wanting her milk was becoming a constant frustration point for her, and Regina smiled to herself at how fussy she got when she wanted it.

She yawned, surprising herself with how tired she was so early. But between the last couple of days, and the serenity of nursing, she couldn’t fend it off. Once Emma finished with one breast, she shifted them down, and let Emma attach to her other as they lay on their sides. The tender body snuggled against her, one hand clutching the new blankie she had attached herself to very quickly, and the other resting on the mound of her breast, fingers lightly kneading. As she felt her milk run out and the suckling lips lose their grip in sleep, she closed her eyes and joined her little one.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...where to start. I'm honestly so grateful to all of you. In the last week, I have had so many incredible comments and compliments. It's been amazing. It actually isn't easy to share this story, if that makes sense? It's kind of close to me, so really the positive outpour has been surreal.
> 
> I'm going to give myself a little bit of room, and not update until the Sunday after next. I've got a lot of catching up on other life things to do. BUT, I will be back on the 20th with a new story arch! And there is plenty more fluff coming!!!
> 
> Let me know what you think about this update. It's a little bit more intimate of an installment.


	23. Fire

The sun was just breaking through the windows as Regina woke up. Peeking her eyes open, she found the space next to her empty, and quickly jumped into a sitting position. It took her a moment of clearing her head to remember that Emma wasn’t there.

She let out a huge breath, relieving herself of the scare. Last night had been the first night without Emma in a long time, and it had taken forever to fall asleep. They texted throughout the evening, and she was nearly asleep as they talked on the phone before she finally made herself hang up. She felt a pang of guilt as she remembered how nervous she had been, but knew she had done a decent job of reassuring Emma that it was all going to be just fine, that she was only a phone call away, that she could absolutely spend a night alone.

But she also knew that her heart had not been in the words. She really wanted to take care of Emma. However, the reality was that after a week of no incidences, Emma had her own adulting to do, had things to sort out at her own house, had time to spend with her other loved ones.

And so did Regina. Getting herself up and making her coffee, the phone rang. “Hey Sis,” she answered sleepily, pouring a mug of the brew.

“Hello, Bun! Hey, have you had any luck getting Mother to agree to coming to Boston for Christmas?”

Regina snorted her amusement. “Yeah. Right. I thought that was your job. She’s not going to listen to me.”

“She might!” Zelena said, and Regina noted that she was far more chipper than herself. She must have already been well into her first cup of coffee. “She loves the brat, you know. If you tell her that it’s better Emma stays home, she just might buy it.”

Sighing, Regina sat at her dining room table, clearing off the paperwork that Emma had forgotten there as she had been working on several cases the day before. “That’s nothing you couldn’t tell her. Say it’s your doctorly advice.”

“Speaking of which, has she seen Archie yet?”

A tick of a smile came across Regina’s face, because Emma had indeed gone to see Archie. After everything that had happened, they were coming up with a game plan for how to tackle Emma’s flashbacks, and she hoped that the exercises had contributed to Emma’s lack of issues at night. “Yes. I think he’s really helping her.” As she finished the sentence, a call was coming through on the other end, and Regina acted quick. “I gotta go. Emma’s calling. Talk to you later about Christmas?”

“Sure, Bun. I’ll call Mother.”

Regina crossed over to the other line. “Hello sweetheart,” she said in a much more chipper tone.

“Hi,” a little voice came through, and Regina’s heart gave a slight palpitation, a smile spreading over her face. “I slept good,” she said.

“Good girl,” Regina gave a happy sigh, closing her eyes in relief. “Happy Friday, Little One. Would you like to come spend the weekend with me?”

Regina could practically hear Emma nodding on the other end. “Uh huh. Mary Margaret is moving out after Christmas,” she said, her voice a little more grown up now as she mentioned it.

“And you and Ruby?”

“Been looking,” Emma answered. “We’ll see.”

“Alright love. Let me know what you want for dinner tonight, and I’ll make it, okay?”

They talked for a little while longer until it was time for both of them to get ready for work. At her office, Regina sorted through the different case files on her desk in order of court appearance, and answered a few calls from clients, taking up most of her morning. At lunch time, Judge Preston knocked on her door. It wasn’t unheard of for the older woman to come and see Regina, but it still surprised her. The judge’s usual pinched face in the courtroom was much lighter in more private settings, and she gave Regina a kind smile as she walked in. “Good morning, Regina,” she greeted.

“Hi Judge Preston,” Regina smiled back, putting down her pen after finishing a note in one of her files. “How can I help you?”

Judge Preston came and sat in one of the chairs in front of Regina’s desk, a place where her clients usually sat, and laced her fingers together. “I just read over the case file involving Counselor Gold,” she stated, and Regina felt her chest tighten.

“Ah,” she said simply, but didn’t elaborate. “Whose prosecuting?”

Judge Preston took a deep breath, and raised her eyes. “Well, that is why I’m here. I’m a little surprised you didn’t take the case, to be honest.”

Regina pressed her lips together, and mimicked the judge by intertwining her fingers, leaning forward. “My partner and I…we decided it was best to not be so heavily involved.”

“Your partner is Miss Swan, the primary witness.” It sounded like a statement, but Regina got that she was supposed to confirm.

“Yes. Honestly, it hasn’t been an easy road for her. She’s writing a testimonial with the help of her psychiatrist, she’ll be taking the witness stand as both a character witness for Robert and to testify against Peter Gold Senior. But beyond that…we just want to get on with our lives. I believe it would be a conflict of interest for me to be involved.”

If it had ended any other way, prosecuting Robert Gold would have been Regina’s great honor. But the fact that he had saved Emma, not once, but twice, left warmer feelings for him than she thought was possible. Should he have come forward years ago? Should he have tried to put a stop to the harassment of Emma back in the fall when it first started? Absolutely. But it was hard to fault a man who seemed stuck under his father’s thumb. She didn’t have it in her to take the case. She didn’t feel that it was healthy for her.

“He stands to go to prison for a long time. Accessory to murder is a steep sentence, as you are well aware. And the state is working on its case against him for killing his father.”

Regina nodded. “He was underage when his brother’s mother was murdered. That might help him. But there are many other variables against him, including never coming forward with the information. Emma will do what she can. He saved her life. That shouldn’t go unnoticed.”

Judge Preston cocked her head to the side, and gave Regina a small smile. “You know that isn’t the way the law works. Anyway,” she said, “there will be an empty office in this building very soon. He’s hired several people to come in and remove his things. Talked to all other defense attorneys and gotten his open cases passed on. The next and probably last time we will see him will be across the way.”

Regina shrugged. “I can’t say that I’m one hundred percent upset about that. My thoughts on Robert Gold are…complicated.”

When Judge Preston left, she also left behind Regina wondering why she had paid her a visit in the first place. She and Regina were good colleagues, but she wouldn’t necessarily call her a friend. It left a bit of anxiety thinking about Robert’s case and how it may trigger Emma to be involved in it at all. The only thing Regina wanted to do was wrap her Little One up and protect her from the whole ordeal. Never look back. But that wasn’t how the real world worked.

Just then, her phone chimed, and looking down at the text message, Regina smiled.

**Emma: Can we have tacos???**

**Regina: Anything you want <3**

The day had gone so slowly from there, Regina was sure she’d burst. But when she had finally finished the last of her phone calls and paperwork, she shot over to the grocery store to pick up a few things she was out of to make Emma what she wanted for dinner. It was getting colder and colder outside, so the moment she got home, she lit a fire, turned up the heat just a bit, and set candles around the dining room. The kitchen was beginning to thicken with the smell of spices as she heard the door open, and she smiled to herself. Emma had let herself in with the key Regina had made her.

“Regina?” she called.

Regina wiped her hands on the nearest towel, and went into the entryway to meet a bundled-up blonde shedding off her beanie and gloves. Regina wasted no time helping Emma slouch out of her jacket. When she draped it over the entryway chair, Emma twisted around, and threw her arms around Regina’s neck. She responded immediately, hands placing themselves on either side of Emma’s hips, eyes closing as lips found her own, and the two shared a long, savory kiss. She breathed in the scent of her lover, and she groaned against Emma’s mouth. When they finally broke apart, Emma was giggling. “That was the longest twenty four hours of my life.”

Regina burst out laughing, and rested her forehead against Emma’s. “Technically it was thirty two. But whose counting? This is getting a little ridiculous. You’d think we would have enjoyed one day away?”

Emma’s head shook against her forehead. “Apparently not.” They stood that way for a while, smiling at each other, until Emma breathed in deeply through her nose. “That. Smells. Amazing.”

Regina chuckled and pecked Emma quickly on the lips, before taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen. “I think you’ll be happy with the alcohol pairing this evening.”

And she was right when Emma clapped her hands and squealed as Regina opened up a cold bottle of Pacifico and handed it to her.

“Yes! Finally, beer! I should have you cook Mexican food more often.”

They talked about Christmas plans and Emma and Ruby’s house hunting as they ate. Ruby had already put in their 30-day notice, which Emma was particularly peeved about since they hadn’t actually nailed down a new residence. “I can’t say I blame her totally,” Emma sighed. “That place just creeps me out. Creeps all of us out. But still…”

Regina shrugged. “You’ll find something. Besides, you can always stay here for a little while if you don’t find something in time.”

“Yeah, but what about Ruby? She can’t go shack up with Killian. They’d kill each other. Besides, moving my stuff twice is a ton of work.”

Regina laughed. “Yes, neither of those two are built for playing house. Try not to worry so much. You’ll find something. It’s a big city.”

After two beers, plenty of tacos, and cleaning up, Regina poked at the fire in the living room as Emma went and sat on the couch. “Thank you for dinner,” she heard Emma say.

“I love cooking for you. Do you want to watch a movie?” Regina asked absentmindedly as she rekindled the flames.

“Not really.”

The tone in Emma’s voice brought Regina into the present, and she turned around. Emma was sitting forward, elbows resting on her thighs, staring at Regina intently. She was biting her lower lip, and her pupils were orange from the reflection of the fire. It sparked a tiny flame inside Regina’s chest.

“Well then,” she raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. “What would you like to do?”

Emma didn’t answer right away. She kept looking at Regina, playing with her bottom lip, until she reached behind her and grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch, and walked towards Regina. They never stopped gazing at each other as Emma lay the blanket on the floor just by Regina, and then took the poker from her hands. Setting it to the side of the fireplace, she took Regina’s hand, and guided her to the blanket.

Regina felt her stomach flutter as Emma put her weight against her, forcing Regina to slowly lay down. Emma straddled her hips, and leaned down to give her a long, soft kiss. Regina melted against it, feeling the heat of the fire just feet away and also heat that had quickly risen in between their bodies. It was always so quick and effortless to get her aroused when it came to Emma. All she had to do was gaze at Regina long enough, touch her a certain way, and she was ready with enough heat that quickly ached to be tamed. As Emma deepened the kiss, she found her hands press against Emma’s bottom, tightly-clad in her skinny jeans. She felt soft hands pressing into her ribs, and Emma’s pelvis ever-so-slightly grind down against her own. She groaned against those lips, and threw her head back to release her own. “Emma,” she breathed, panting. “Here?”

A low chuckle, one that Regina didn’t get to hear very often. Only when Emma felt bold enough to try and top, and Regina found herself smirking inwardly at the idea of that game. “Why not?” the mischievous answer came as a tongue found its way to her neck, and then teeth gently bit down around it. “You look so sexy glowing by the fire,” Emma whispered against her skin. Regina felt an embarrassing amount of wetness release into her panties, and she knew if she didn’t get ahold of herself, she was going to come undone way too quickly for her liking.

She was broken out of her worries when she realized that Emma was beginning to whimper, light grinding getting more insistent as their lips met again. Regina chuckled against them, and brought a hand up to capture Emma’s cheek. “Somebody’s getting excited,” she husked, and her eyes darkened as Emma bit her lip again and her cheeks turned that shade of pink that was absolutely irresistible.

“Want you,” Emma murmured, turning her face to kiss the palm cupping her cheek.

Regina smiled, and brought her other hand in between their bodies, pressing it against Emma’s jeans in between her legs, and when Emma moaned at the friction, Regina leaned up and whispered in her ear. “Did you miss me, darling?”

“Always,” was the shaky answer, and Regina pulled her hands away to grab hold of Emma’s shirt and pull it up. Emma helped, and soon, it was on the floor by their feet.

Regina’s eyes took a moment to travel down Emma’s taught stomach, chest heaving in her arousal. Pulling Emma down, she seized her lips in a hungry kiss, their hips finding a steady rhythm as they ground against one another. Regina took the opportunity of having Emma flush against her to reach behind and undo Emma’s bra, relieving her breasts of their confinement. The instant it happened, Regina’s lips were closing around a pink and erect nipple, teeth coming down gently against the soft flesh as Emma gave a pleasurable hiss and she threw her head back. Regina gave a long, strong suck, and with one arm around Emma’s body, she flipped them over. Emma let out a moan as she landed on her back, alighting another wave of pleasure through Regina. She never ceased her sucking on the breast she was attached to, shifting her hands down so that her fingers unfastened the jeans around Emma’s hips. Her eyes closed in a moment of wonder at the feeling Emma must have had whenever she was nursing. Taking Emma’s flesh in her mouth like this, it completely enveloped her in everything Emma. It felt incredible, and she wanted more of it.

So she finally let go, and brought her lips up to Emma’s jaw, hands smoothing down the soft skin of her lover, bronze with arousal and glowing by the firelight. She gently pushed the jeans down Emma’s hips, and just as she was about to spread Emma’s legs with her hand, she heard Emma gasp, and felt a hand at her breast. The sensation was surprisingly cold, and Regina looked down and realized that she had leaked through her bra and shirt. It wasn’t much, but it occurred to Regina then that her breasts were starting to fill up. It surprised her a little, as she had pumped just a few hours ago. Emma didn’t usually nurse until about nine in the evening, and it was still much too early. However, pumping that day for the first time since Emma had been in the hospital, Regina recognized in herself that she had been looking forward to bedtime, when she could finally have her Little One at her breast. It wasn’t incredibly surprising that she was responding to her partner so physically.

She chuckled, and smiled back up at Emma, giving her a quick kiss. “My body knows you’re home,” she murmured, nipping gently at Emma’s jawline.

She felt Emma’s breath hitch, and saw her eyes get slightly farther away. For the slightest of moments, Emma had slipped. “Really?” she asked, her voice just barely grabbing hold of a higher note, the features of her face softening from its arousal to a familiar sweet expression of her Little One, and Regina felt her own heart quicken at the prospect of Emma going under.

“Yes darling,” she answered, her voice turned soft, the hands on Emma’s body rubbing in smoothing circles on her now bare bottom as she smiled down.

Emma reacted quickly, and grabbed hold of Regina’s shirt, bringing it over her head, and making quick work of her bra. Both were discarded on the floor, and Regina felt a soft pressure as Emma’s hand kneaded one of her breasts and ducked down to close her mouth around it.

Emma gave one hard suck, and Regina ducked her head down at the sensation of her milk releasing mixed with the feeling of Emma’s sweet mouth clamping down and suckling. She felt the heat rising in her core, and just as quickly, gave a cry as she felt warm fingers against her clit. She had been so distracted by Emma at her breast that she hadn’t noticed a hand had ventured underneath her pants and followed the warmth in between her legs. “Oh…” she breathed out as she lowered her hip so that her legs spread further.

She felt Emma’s lips release their hold on her breast, and both of Emma’s hands grabbed onto the hem of her pants to ride them down her legs. Regina helped her, kicking them off quickly along with her panties so that Emma had full access. She straddled Emma once more, a hand coming to rake through blonde locks as she smiled down at her. Emma’s eyes were dark with lust, the flames dancing in the irises. It was a beautiful sight.

Now naked against one another, Regina wasted no more time getting to her previous goal, and began to kiss down Emma’s body. “My sweet girl,” she murmured, lowering herself down to the opening of Emma’s legs, hearing the shaking of breath as she blew softly on Emma’s folds. Emma shivered, and Regina smiled as she put a steadying hand on one of Emma’s hips before licking from her opening up to her clit. Another shiver went through the body beneath her, stronger this time, and a tiny whimper released from Emma’s throat, permeating the air, and setting Regina’s heart aflame. Her own naked body felt the glowing warmth of the fire, and another release of her juices begin to trail down her inner thigh. The thought of it made her groan as she took Emma’s opening into her mouth and sucked, playing with the folds with a strong tongue.

She felt a trembling hand on the back of her head, fingers threading into her locks, and she hummed appreciatively as she pressed Emma’s clit in between her teeth gently, flicking it with her tongue. Emma jumped underneath her, a small cry hitting Regina’s ears, and she continued to rub Emma’s bottom with a soothing hand as she applied more pressure to her sensitive button. Taking the entirety of Emma’s most sensitive part into her mouth, she felt her head being held in place by two shaking thighs. Emma’s hips were coming up from the floor, riding a rhythm that matched the flick of Regina’s tongue.

The taste of Emma had Regina’s head reeling. Between her savory flavor, the aroma of the firewood, and the smoothness of her baby’s skin on the palm of her hand, Regina was in sensory heaven. The shaking body underneath her alighted her instincts to protect the woman so at the mercy of her ministrations, and her hands found their way to Emma’s thighs, giving reassuring caresses. As Emma’s breathing became ragged, and Regina felt the tremors intensify, she brought her mouth away, giving one tiny lick as a protesting cry came from her lover.

Chuckling, she traveled up Emma’s body, kissing the wobbling chin. Hooded green eyes were pleading with her, and she opened her mouth to whimper. “Wanna come.” The desperation in her voice was palpable, and Regina had to hold back a moan at the wave of pleasure that coursed through her just hearing it. Nothing turned Regina on more than Emma begging, pleading to be touched.

She replaced where her tongue had been with one slowly circling finger, massaging the wet nub as she kissed the corner of Emma’s mouth. “I know baby,” she cooed, knowing that the touches weren’t enough. Emma’s hips were trying to ride her hand, find that delicious friction that her tongue had created, but it just made Regina’s hand slow down. “Sshh…” she whispered, nipping at Emma’s ear lobe before slowly lowering herself again, kissing down Emma’s abdomen, biting down on her hip bone. She found her place again, and encircled Emma’s clit with her mouth one more time. The moment her tongue began its previous motions, Emma’s hips were off the floor. She gasped and strained to keep her breathing in check as Regina lapped at the sensitive bud and licked at Emma’s folds. Her hips rode Regina’s mouth, their combined rhythm steady and fast until Emma’s legs beginning to tremble once again. And just as the shaking was gaining in intensity, Regina pulled away.

Emma’s cry was pitiful, her legs trying to press together to keep Regina in place. But Regina was too fast, chuckling as she came back up and once again replaced her lips with her finger. She came up to kiss those pouting lips, registering the look of betrayal that Emma was displaying. She gave a low chuckle as she took ownership of that pouting mouth. She hungrily sank their lips together, giving Emma as much of a taste of herself as she possibly could before pulling away. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” she asked, her tone slightly mocking.

Emma gave a tiny sob, brows furrowing. She didn’t seem to have the words to answer, so her hips came up instead, desperately trying again to ride Regina’s playful finger. Regina checked the features beneath her, focusing on Emma’s eyes. They were black with lust, far too gone to register anything other than what might be happening in between her legs, and it was clear she was desperate to come.

And Regina was desperate to see her come. But she knew if she simply allowed it to happen, it wouldn’t be nearly as intense or satisfying as she could make it. Teasing Emma like this, Regina knew she could make Emma not only come, but completely come undone once she was finally given what she wanted. So Regina bit her bottom lip, and gave Emma a coy smile. When Emma whimpered again, she made shushing noises, and kissed the corner of a pouting mouth. “Do you wanna come, Emma?”

The answer was immediate as Emma’s hips rose again, almost completely sinking Regina’s single finger into her entrance, and nodded feverishly. “Please…” she cried softly.

“And what if,” Regina added a second finger to the soft, wet slit, massaging around Emma’s opening, “Mama wants to hear you scream for it?”

Emma’s body froze for the smallest of seconds, her hooded eyes flickering a questioning glance at Regina. It made Regina take her other hand, and caress at a flush cheek with her thumb. She bent down and kissed Emma’s jaw softly, changing her tone completely and whispering in Emma’s ear. “Give me a color, darling.”

When she rose back up, she nearly started at the look that greeted her. Emma’s eyes were back to that dark, filled with lust expression. Her cheeks were more aflame than before, and her breathing had started up again, ragged, eager…excited. When she spoke, Regina felt the jolt of pleasure so forcefully, that she gave a tiny audible moan in reply.

“Green,” Emma husked, a hand coming to capture Regina’s face, her body lifting up to try and curl around the one holding her. “Really fucking green.”

Regina didn’t waste another second, diving her lips onto Emma’s hot skin, nipping down on her jawline. “ _Good_ girl,” groaned, and plunged her fingers inside the swollen, wet walls at her fingers.

Emma’s body responded with desperate abandon, legs coming to wrap around Regina’s waist, inaudible murmurs trailing out of her mouth as Regina pumped into the most amazing, soft and moist place in the world. She loved being inside of Emma, feeling and filling this intimate space, paying attention to the responses that she received by touching her here.

So it was hard to pull out and bring her hand away when she didn’t receive any verbal affirmation to stay, but she was enjoying this game far too much. Emma nearly wailed her desperation, arms flying around Regina’s neck to try and force their bodies closer. “No, please!” she cried, hips raising to try and gain friction, only met by feather touches from the tips of Regina’s fingers.

“You said you wanted me. How much do you want me, Emma?” Regina kept her voice even, though her body was raging with want to respond to the cries. She began lowering herself back down, finding her way between Emma’s legs, trailing light kisses on her lover’s trembling inner thighs.

“I want you so bad…” Emma groaned in frustration. Regina could see one of her hands in her own hair, pulling at the roots there. “I need you inside me…”

“You do?” Regina asked lightly as her kisses got closer to Emma’s slit, until she trailed her tongue from the bottom of Emma’s opening, all the way back up to her clit. She brought a steadying hand to a shivering abdomen at the gesture, bringing her mouth away. “Or do you want me to lick you here…?” She wrapped Emma’s clit into her mouth and continued her previous massaging, flattening her tongue against the swollen bud.

“R’gina…I want it all. Please. _Mama!_ Please!”

Regina let go one more time, looking up to see Emma’s head thrown back, stomach clenching, and knew that Emma was far too gone to really say anything other than ‘please’. She paused a few more seconds, relishing in the agony it caused. “You want it all…” she mused as she nuzzled her nose lightly against Emma’s inner thigh, biting down gently and causing a tiny yelp that lit her own core aflame again.

She slowly brought her fingers back, running them over Emma’s slit torturously slow. And then, once she felt that Emma couldn’t take the teasing anymore, she plunged them roughly, claiming a clit with her mouth. Feeling all of Emma respond to her stroking, hearing loud cries of pure pleasure mixed with the crackling of flames, Regina pressed further inside clenching walls. Emma was already so close to her climax, Regina pressed up against the spot that she knew was going to drive Emma over the edge as she sucked in her bud more eagerly, adding even more pressure.

And she felt Emma’s whole body tighten, clench around her, stiffen. As soon as it happened, she added more pressure to Emma’s clit with her tongue and rubbed hard against Emma’s spongy opening with her fingers. For a moment, Emma went very still. Then she released a cry that was so beautiful, Regina answered by moaning against her, feeling Emma’s whole body tumble into her orgasm. Regina came up to press their bodies together, hold Emma as she lay helpless to the power that had overtaken her. Regina felt the waves hit her, tenderly caressing Emma’s walls when a new wave started. She kissed Emma’s jawline, her temple as she felt what she had been waiting for, hoping for: the splash of Emma’s pleasure hitting her wrist. “ _That’s_ my good girl,” Regina praised against Emma’s ear as Emma continued to cry in pleasure. “That’s it. Let it out.”

Arms grabbed onto her more forcefully in response, Emma’s hips still riding the waves. She buried her face in the crook of Regina’s neck as she moaned out Regina’s name loudly. “Regina…oh… _god_!”

She realized then that another orgasm had followed Emma’s first, and Regina wrapped her free arm around the small of Emma’s back, pulling her in closer, stilling her fingers inside of Emma’s walls. “Oh Emma. That’s my girl…” More of Emma’s pleasure squirted onto her palm, and Regina reluctantly brought her fingers out of that warm space, grabbing at the blanket underneath them and bringing it to Emma’s opening. She kissed Emma’s temple as she lovingly held the fabric against her, feeling it dampen against her hand. “Fuck,” she breathed out, feeling her walls clench in pleasure at the sheer amount that Emma had released. It was far more than she ever had before. “Baby. You’re so beautiful.”

Emma’s body began to calm down, wrapping around Regina’s. Letting the blanket fall back down to the floor, Regina took Emma in her arms, and raised them. Sitting Emma in her lap, she rocked them slowly, listening to the little whimpers and murmurs as Emma rested her head against her chest and put her fingers in her mouth.

Regina smiled to herself, and lowered her hand down to Emma’s thigh, rubbing it softly and watching her lover’s face intently. Her features were slack, peaceful, eyes closed as she sucked on her fingers. Regina’s tongue hit the top of her mouth, the sound mimicking suckling noises, as she moved Emma’s fingers away and brought them up to kiss.

“Mama?” Emma called thickly as her eyes opened only slightly. They seemed to be searching for her.

Recognizing that Emma was not only slipping fast, but also fighting to stay awake, Regina smiled at her. “I’m right here, sweetheart,” she murmured. “You’re my sleepy little girl, aren’t you?”

“Mmhm…” was the only reply, Emma’s eyes closing again, and Regina marveled at how quickly she had gone from wide awake and provoking sex to fighting to stay awake. Then Emma’s eyes opened slightly, searching, as if she just remembered an important something to tell Regina. “Milkies?” she slurred.

Regina chuckled. “Mama’s gunna clean you all up. Then milkies. Okay, baby?”

“Mmhm…” Emma repeated.

Regina smiled and lowered Emma back down on the blanket, getting up and going to the bedroom to grab Emma’s changing items and pajamas to bring them back to their place on the floor. They had been lucky so far; Emma hadn’t had any huge night terrors or accidents. However, since the first time changing Emma, this had been their nightly routine. Just before bed, Emma was put in her diaper and pajamas, and rocked to sleep while nursing.

When she returned, she nearly had the breath knocked out of her at the sight of Emma laying on her back, eyes closed and head tilted to the side, facing the fire. Her skin was glowing underneath the light of the flames, her whole body visible, relaxed. Her hair was sprawled out around her head like a nimbus; lovely.

Regina lowered herself to her knees and scooted the changing pad under her Little One, whose eyes popped open from the movement. Regina saw her eyes searching for her, and once they found her, she sighed. Regina smiled down at her, and presented Emma’s puppy blankie. A little smile that Regina recognized all too well came over Emma’s face, and she grabbed at it, bringing it to her face as pressing it against her cheek. Emma had bonded with the blankie so quickly, taking it with her almost everywhere, and it had turned into a good substitute from bringing half of the bedding with her whenever she wanted to snuggle.

Regina took a wipe out of its box and used it to gently wipe the wetness still at Emma’s opening. Emma made a tiny whining sound as Regina took a second to wipe the inside of Emma’s thighs. “I know it’s cold. Mama’s almost done,” she whispered, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on Emma’s cheek. Emma turned into the kiss, finishing off her whine with a sweet little sigh, clearly enjoying the attention. Putting the wipes aside, Regina picked up the bottle of powder, and smiled to herself when she saw Emma give a breath of content once it was sprinkled on her skin. Emma loved this part, Regina knew, so she took her time with it.

Wrapping Emma up in a new diaper, Regina dressed her in her pajamas and then got to her feet, taking Emma’s hands to lift her up. Emma slumped against her, and Regina wasted no time lifting Emma up into her arms. She carried them to the bed, lowering Emma down softly. Emma rolled onto her side and snuggled with her blankie while Regina went to clean up the living room, put the fire out, and get herself ready for bed. She didn’t bother putting on a night shirt as she finally joined Emma, bringing her closely into her arms.

Emma nuzzled into the skin there, and Regina guided her nipple into Emma’s mouth as she rooted to find it. Regina didn’t realize Emma had any more tension left in her muscles, but the moment she latched on, she melted even more. Her entire body molded against Regina’s as she took the first suck, and Regina felt a powerful sigh escape her own body with the release of her milk into Emma’s wanting mouth. Nothing quite matched the sensation of Emma nursing after sex. That insistent mouth claiming her, pulling at her heartstrings, until she couldn’t fight off sleep anymore just completely engulfed Regina in the moment. It whisked away every other thought of the past or future; it put her completely in the present as she watched the connection happen in front of her eyes.

Emma predictably fussed when Regina had to shift them to switch breasts. She slurred out “No, no, no…Mama, no,” in a half-asleep mantra as Regina turned her over on her other side.

She giggled as she kissed the knot in Emma’s forehead away, rubbing her hand up and down her back soothingly to try and release the tension that reappeared until Emma finally latched on to her full breast. She went silent again save for the happy suckling sounds, white knuckles easing up off of her blankie as the nursing calmed her back down. Emma always suckled insistently at first, until sleep finally won out, and she lost her grip on Regina’s nipple.

Milky lips stayed partially opened, the even breathing leaving them brushed against Regina’s exposed breast. The peaceful face, asleep against her mama, was perfect. Ivory skin glowing from the lights coming in from the window, lashes fluttering ever-so-slightly. Regina massaged the bridge of Emma’s nose with the feather-like touches of her knuckle. When it made Emma stir and puff out a tiny whimper, Regina had to suppress her adoring coo, and brought her hand away to gently massage Emma’s bottom lip with her thumb instead. She brushed away a tiny droplet just as her own eyes began to give in to their heaviness. Finally giving in, she wrapped her arm around Emma’s middle, hand resting on her back, and buried her face in Emma’s hair to go to sleep.

***

Emma looked so peaceful in the morning, that Regina let her sleep in while she went to make breakfast. She knew Emma would come out in her own time once the smell of whatever she was cooking traveled down the hallway into the bedroom.

Sure enough, she saw Emma come down the hallway as she cooked in front of the stove. And the pleasant surprise was that in her hand was her blankie, and in her mouth was her paci. She was rubbing her eyes with a tight fist, and her bare feet were slapping down on the tile loudly with less coordination than a bigger Emma would have used.

A shot of adrenaline soared through Regina. There had only been two times in their relationship that Emma had actually woken up little, and Regina had been hoping it would happen again soon, especially on a day where she didn’t have to rush Emma out of it due to work or family get togethers. When Emma came towards her with outstretched arms, she dropped what she was doing and welcomed her into her own, kissing the messy blonde hair on top of her head as Emma’s cheek rested on her shoulder. “Good morning, baby,” she crooned, patting Emma’s bottom gently, feeling the diaper and noting to herself that they could wait until after breakfast to change her. “Go sit down, and Mama will bring you breakfast, okay?”

Emma gave a little grunt of affirmation and walked into the dining room, her blankie dragging on the floor. Regina was going to have to wash it, and thought maybe she should wait until during the week when Emma was at work to avoid any tantrums. She made quick work of plating their eggs and waffles, and when she set Emma’s in front of her, she cut the waffles into tiny squares as Emma pointed to the little pieces, slightly bouncing in her seat in anticipation of eating them. Once Regina was done, she took the paci out of Emma’s mouth, and Emma immediately asked: “syrup?”

Chuckling, Regina kissed the top of Emma’s head. “Just a minute. Do you want juice?”

“Yes!” It was the most awake Emma had sounded yet.

Regina warmed up some maple syrup in the microwave as she poured orange juice into a sippy cup for Emma. She didn’t give her too much, as they would need to nurse just after breakfast. When she went back to the table, Emma was poking at her scrambled egg with her finger, as if inspecting it. Regina made a tutting noise, and picked up Emma’s fork. She stabbed at the egg, and brought it to Emma’s mouth, who happily took the bite, grabbing at her sippy cup with two hands.

Regina ate her own food as Emma drank, and put some syrup on Emma’s plate for her. Emma dabbed her finger in it and stuck it in her mouth, darting her eyes to Regina to see if the action would get her reprimanded. Regina just hid her smile behind a sip of coffee as she picked Emma’s fork back up and brought a waffle piece to her mouth. They finished their meal with just a bit of syrup ending up on Emma’s face and pajama shirt. After clearing off the table, Regina came back to take Emma’s hand.

“Come on,” she coaxed. “Let’s get you changed.”

“Then milkies?”

“Yes, darling. Then milkies.”

When Emma was laid down on the bed under her changing pad, Regina brought a wipe to Emma’s mouth to take the syrup off, and it earned her a whine from Emma, who scrunched her face and thrashed her head sideways. “No no, baby,” Regina warned, holding Emma’s head still. It took much longer than it would have if Emma had just held still, but Regina finally finished, and went to work taking Emma’s pajama pants off. As she pulled off the tape of the diaper, Emma found fascination with her fingers. “Where’s your paci, sweetheart?”

With her other hand, Emma pointed to the door, indicating down the hall, and Regina sighed. She stopped what she was doing to get Emma’s backup paci from the bedside table, and took hold of Emma’s hands to remove her fingers from her mouth. Emma was ready for the paci, and she sighed around it as Regina went back to work. Once Emma was wiped down and the clean but used diaper was discarded, she was put in comfortable cargo pants and a long sleeve t-shirt with her “big girl panties” as she liked to say, and Regina led her back into the living room.

Emma ran to the dining room table to grab her blankie as Regina sat on the couch, relieving herself of her shirt. Welcoming Emma’s return with open arms, Regina shifted them so that Emma was cradled in the bend of her arm, and with wide green eyes, Emma latched on to a full breast. One of her hands clutched at her puppy blankie, snuggled in the bend of her neck, the other was placed gently on the breast she was attached to, giving slow massages as her mouth encouraged the milk to her lips.

Regina sighed as she felt the first of the milk leave her, the relief she felt making her smile. She felt Emma’s tongue give loving caresses to her nipple, a tiny smile tucked into the corner of her mouth as they gazed at one another. Regina ran a hand through Emma’s hair, softly humming. “That’s my good girl,” she praised. “Mama loves waking up to her Little One.”

Emma’s smile spread a little more at that, and her fingers pressed down just slightly, her mouth opening wider to bring more of the dark flesh into her mouth. She gave a sweet sigh that Regina loved as she sucked strongly, relieving more milk from Regina’s tissue. She nearly groaned at the feeling, a spark of electricity just barely catching fire in her core. It made Regina smile as she felt her milk run out, and she put a finger in between Emma’s mouth and her nipple to get her to unlatch.

Emma furrowed her brow and gave Regina an accusing look. “Want milkies, Mama.”

Chuckling, Regina put her hands under Emma’s arms and guided her to lay the other way. “So demanding,” she teased. “You’re lucky Mama has so much milk.” She rubbed Emma’s back as Emma quickly righted herself in Regina’s cradling arm, and latched on to the unmolested breast. Regina hummed a tune as Emma continued to gaze up at her, fingers massaging the tender flesh just beyond her nipple. Everything went quiet in her mind as she basked in the moment, watching Emma watching her, looking into those little eyes that were so far gone in the trust and peace that was being provided for her. Emma was learning to completely let go, to fall into the protective calm that her mama provided for her, and it had Regina in awe that she had gained such devotion. The little one in her arms being nourished and held by her was the same strong but shy, guarded woman who would rather give a standoffish quip to anyone trying to break down her walls.

“What would you like to do today, hm?” Regina mused out loud.

Emma responded by nuzzling in closer, her nose pressing against her breast. Chuckling, Regina reached down and rubbed Emma’s back.

Emma wanted to watch cartoons, so Regina set her up with her paci, blankie, and a PBS show that she was sure she was going to start getting familiar with as she went to clean up breakfast and get herself dressed and ready for the day. She brought out a brush and put Emma’s hair into a ponytail, who was so mesmerized by the television program and pulling on her puppy blankie’s ears that she barely registered what was happening.

Regina’s phone rang as she went to put the brush away, and saw that it was Zelena. “Hey,” she answered.

“Great news,” Zelena nearly yelled into the phone, causing Regina to tear it away from her ear. “Mother said she’s coming to Boston for Christmas!”

Sighing in relief, Regina smiled to herself. She and Emma hadn’t had the chance to plan a single thing with all that had happened. The last thing she wanted to do was think about traveling again. It was high time her mother put some of her own effort in. “Good. How did you pull that one off?”

“I told you. She loves the brat.”

Rolling her eyes, but smiling, Regina replied. “Great. The two of you can share a hotel room.”

“Ha! She can get her own hotel room. I’ll be shacking up with August.”

“Oh god,” Regina groaned.

“Where’s my little dove? I want to talk to her.”

Regina smirked, and walked back into the kitchen to pour herself more coffee. “She’s dead to the world, watching cartoons. You can talk to her later.”

“Oh, fine! Listen, I’m coming to town on Wednesday. I think Mother said she was coming Friday. She said she needs to talk to you, so expect a call.”

Regina felt a tiny ping of anxiety. Her mother never said things like that to Zelena, and certainly never stated that she and Regina needed to talk. “What does she need to talk to me about?”

“Oh hell, I don’t know. Anyway, I’ll see you Wednesday night. I’m coming into town in the morning, but I’m meeting with August for lunch.”

Regina checked on Emma after hanging up with Zelena, and saw that she was still fully immersed in whatever was happening on the television. She had picked up the controller and was inspecting it, pushing the volume up to the point where Regina winced. “Emma, baby, you don’t need the tv on that loud. Turn it down please.”

Emma reluctantly did so as Regina heard her phone buzz. Looking down, she saw a text message had come in from her mother. That anxiety hit her chest again as she wondered what was going on that Cora needed to talk to her.

**Mother: Check your email please.**

Going into her office, Regina turned on her laptop and went to her email, where Cora had sent her three large attachments. The body of the email read:

_Regina,_

_Please read the case file first before the article. I’d rather not have your opinions formed by the sensationalized Storybrooke’s Daily Mirror. I’ll be calling you shortly._

_-Mother_

Regina opened the case file, and her eyebrows shot up when she realized that it was a lawsuit case. Against her mother. _The State of Maine vs. Mayor Cora Mills._

Regina began to read, and the further she got into it, the darker the cloud formed over her thoughts. She began skimming through the allegations, witness testimonies, and filings until she finally couldn’t go on anymore, and read the article. It was a detailed, two-page piece, some of it old news from over ten years ago from the Storybrooke rumor mill, but it built up to the present day. However, once the name Henry Mills came up and began outlining his death, Regina couldn’t go on. She slammed the case of her laptop down with an audible snap, and threw herself back against the chair.

Fuming, she stared into nothingness, willing herself to calm down. But just as she was about to grab hold of her anger, her phone rang. It was Cora.

Regina realized she was shaking as she went for it. A part of her wanted to ignore it, but a much bigger piece of her was reveling in the chance to blow off the steam rising inside of her. She punched the answer button. “What the hell is this?”

“So, you’ve read it.” Cora’s voice was maddeningly even, no different than if she were asking Regina to go pick up the mail.

“What the hell have you gotten yourself into, Mother?” Her jaw was so tight that it hurt to get the words out, feeling pressure begin in her temples as a headache came on. But Cora’s tone made it worse by the way she threw Regina’s concerns aside.

“Oh, Regina, please. This isn’t anything. Just a bunch of busy bodies throwing punches. It happens when a politician gains more power than they’d like. I simply need a good attorney to make it go away. That’s where you come in.”

Her eyes bulged out of her head, and before she realized what was happening, Regina was out of her seat.

“I need someone I can trust. Someone I know will do the job, and do it right. I’ll need you to go over the files with a fine-tooth comb. Get everything in order. With your help, this should be all cleared up in a month, tops.”

The laugh that escaped Regina’s mouth was unkindly humorless. “Unbelievable,” she seethed. “Do you have any idea what you are asking of me?”

“I,” Cora’s tone raised to match Regina’s. “Am your mother. And I’m asking for your help. What else is there to discuss?”

Regina was frozen in place, dumbfounded. “You have some serious nerve, do you know that?” she realized that she was saying the words through her clenched teeth. “Why in the hell should I help you? After everything that has happened. You finally get caught, you finally go too far, and you want my _help_?” She found herself horror stricken that her eyes began to smart. She hated showing any type of emotion about the past in front of her mother, who seemed completely devoid of it herself.

There was silence for a long time. “Regina, listen. I know you blame me for…”

“Don’t!” Regina cut her off. “Just don’t! And don’t you dare come down here this week, do you hear me? I don’t want to see you. I can’t believe you’d ask this of me.” The phone was away from her ear and the call cut off before Regina could release the sob that was aching to come. Muffling it with her hand, she threw her cell down on the floor, taking in a huge breath to try and regain her composure.

“Regina?”

The voice maid her reel around, and there was Emma. Blankie gone. Paci gone. Little eyes, gone. She was standing in the entryway, clearly trying to decide if she should cautiously step forward, her eyes intent on the broken face in front of her.

“Emma,” Regina breathed, wiping at her cheeks quickly. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to…”

“What’s wrong?”

The concerned look in Emma’s eyes broke her, emotions rolling over her as she thought about all that she had read, all that she remembered, all that had transpired between her and her mother these past years. The words they had just spoken felt good in the moment, but now only added to the already complicated machine that barely kept her and Cora connected. But despite it all, she had to hold herself together. It was just too much. She forced a smile. “It’s okay,” she assured, coming towards Emma and bringing her into her arms. Emma seemed slightly unwilling, trying to keep eye contact with Regina, worry plain on her face. “How would you like to go do some Christmas shopping today, hm?”

She felt Emma pull away. “Regina. What’s going on?”

She slumped when she realized Emma wasn’t going to give in that easy. But she also realized that she wasn’t going to be able to explain everything just then. Her emotions were too raw, it was all too fresh, she really needed to process everything that had just come tumbling into her life in a matter of minutes.

Cupping Emma’s cheek, she gave her a sad smile. “I’d love to talk to you about it. Just…give me some time. Okay?”

Emma was clearly chewing on her inner cheek, trying to decide if she was going to agree or push Regina. But once Regina started to feel uneasy that Emma would indeed push her, she seemed to register the panic in her partner’s face, and finally nodded. “Okay,” she conceded. “You can tell me later.”

Relief washed over Regina, and she leaned forward to kiss Emma tenderly. It was reciprocated, but she could feel the hesitation. She had Emma worried, and that didn’t sit well with her at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient while I took a bit of a break. I hope you enjoyed the fluff right before we get into another story arch.  
> Please say hi! <3


	24. Bottled Up

By Sunday, Regina had still not spoken a word about what had happened to make her so upset. Emma would have pushed, but Regina seemed to have put the entire ordeal out of her mind. She’d been happy while Christmas shopping, and let Emma have one of those pink lemonades at the food court, which ended up being a huge mistake. Emma felt slightly bad after her sugar high and crash, because she had barely allowed any shopping after the drink, bouncing around the different stores and picking up random items to show Regina before losing interest with it and finding something else.

Regina hadn’t really seemed to mind Emma darting back and forth like a ping pong ball, simply calling every now and then: “Uh oh…I’m lost. Emma? Help! I’m lost! Come find me!”

The outcome was Emma whizzing back and grabbing her in a bear hug, saying: “Found you! You’re safe!” as Regina laughed and thanked her for saving her.

In the end, they had finished their shopping, and Emma had completely crashed in the car, throwing a fit when being made to walk herself to the elevator and then the apartment, where Regina forced her to take a nap. She would have thrown a fit again, except right when she was about to, the next thing she knew, she was waking up to puppy blankie (“Pankie”) in her arms, and the smell of dinner coming down the hall, trying to figure out when and how she had lost consciousness.

By Sunday night, however, Regina did seem to be further away than usual. Emma could have chalked it up to the fact that tomorrow, they had agreed to her going back to her house after work instead of coming over. Emma wasn’t sure how conscious Regina was about her obvious melancholy whenever the time came, but she always tried to put on a brave face to make her feel better about it. This time, however, Regina seemed more than weary with the prospect of her returning home. But she had plans with Ruby to do some house hunting Monday, so she stuck to it.

Emma wouldn’t have thought so much about it if she didn’t know that Regina had her mind on something. Whatever had happened on Saturday morning to make Regina cry, she hadn’t said much about it. Emma had agreed to letting Regina tell her later, but she was starting to figure out that she should have put a time frame on that little contract; the weekend had gone without a single mention.

“This is absolutely stupid,” Ruby huffed on Monday afternoon, tossing her phone down in her lap as Emma drove them to the next neighborhood to look at apartments. “Everything we find in our price range would have us up every night listening to gun shots from the neighbors. If it comes to that, we might as well stay at the house.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Ruby, you’ve hated everything we’ve looked at so far.”

“And you haven’t?” Ruby looked over at Emma incredulously, and Emma’s shoulders slumped when it was thrown back in her face.

“Okay, yeah. All these places have really sucked.”

“If they’re in a decent neighborhood, they’re too expensive. If they are affordable, they’re next to a crime syndicate. If they’re in a decent neighborhood and affordable, they’re an hour and half from work without traffic.”

“Okay…” Emma put her hand out to get Ruby to be quiet. “Look, maybe we need to get another roommate or something?”

At that, Ruby looked at Emma as if she had grown two heads. “Like _who_?”

“I don’t know! Think!”

Ruby shrugged. “August?”

It was Emma’s turn to look at Ruby like she had grown two heads. “I want you to think about what you just said.”

“What? We both love August! Isn’t he shacking up with like three other guys in some weird little house? I think he’s mentioned getting out of there.”

“Uh yeah. Ruby, I want you to think back to the last time you hung out with August and me. And then the time before that…and the time before that.”

Ruby scrunched up her face and sighed. “Oh. Yeah. You two bicker like an old married couple. It’s kind of sick, actually.”

“Exactly. Your head usually explodes after five minutes with us. Could you imagine living under the same roof as August and me?”

“I’d rather be homeless,” she sighed. “Is it always going to be like this?”

Ruby’s tone had changed drastically from annoyance to something like sadness, and Emma looked sideways at her. “Like what?”

“I don’t know,” Ruby answered, sadder this time. “Like this. I’m thirty years old, and I’m still looking for apartments with a roommate. Aren’t I supposed to be, like…owning a house and getting married or having kids or something?”

Emma wanted to answer the sadness she heard in Ruby’s voice, but she couldn’t help laughing. “When was the last time you dreamed about marriage and kids, Rubes?”

“Well, never, but…”

“Yeah, exactly. Look, don’t buy into the prime time television message of what life is supposed to be like and if you don’t have it, you’re a total loser. And for god sakes, don’t ever have kids unless you really want them. And you hate relationships. They drive you insane. So you can’t afford a house. So what? What are you going to do with a house? Match the curtains with the color of your carpet? Take out a second mortgage to hire an interior decorator and uproot the kitchen to hopefully bring up the value of your home?”

Ruby’s face turned sour again, and she smirked at Emma. “Jesus. You’re right. That sounds absolutely boring and awful.” She was quiet for a minute, and then her smirk grew. “Are you saying that you don’t one day want to have a house with Regina?”

Emma laughed. “I didn’t say that. But if it does happen, I’ll leave the kitchen plans and interior decorating to her.”

“So…did the two of you talk about moving in together?”

“Ruby…”

“I’m just asking! Look, I wouldn’t usually push the point, but the two of you…I don’t know. You guys are creepily simpatico. And I feel like…if we get a place just the two of us, I’ll end up living alone and you’ll waste the rent money paying for a place you’re never at.”

Emma felt a strange unease come over her just then. Things had been so day by day, it hadn’t occurred to her to think about the coming months, or even years. It was creepy staying at the house right now, but would moving honestly make a difference with the amount of time she _wanted_ to spend with Regina? And it wasn’t just missing each other when they were apart. There were other things to consider, like Regina nursing her, that required probably more attachment than a different relationship would have. And they’d talked about that, revisited it several times, to check in with each other and make sure that it was still one hundred percent green for both of them. And it was. Emma couldn’t bare the thought of stopping, and neither could Regina.

But that alone wasn’t enough to make her think seriously about it. No, it wasn’t that at all. It wasn’t the nursing, or the potential night terrors, or anything else. It was the simple fact that when Regina was gone, she missed her. That felt so strange. Never in her life had she been so emotionally attached to anyone to the point of wanting them around all of the time. And it certainly had never been reciprocated.

So was Ruby right? Were they going to get a place just the two of them and Emma would never be home?

“That’s what I thought.” Emma jumped when Ruby broke her out of her ponderings.

“What?” she asked irritably.

“I told you to think about it, but you never did, did you? Now you’re thinking about it, and you know I’m right.”

They reached a red light. Emma gripped the wheel hard, scrunched her face up, and dove her forehead into the steering wheel. “Ah…fuck,” she breathed out.

Ruby’s laughter didn’t help. She punched Emma lightly on the arm, unable to keep her giggles at bay. “Idiot.”

“What would you do if Regina and I shacked up?”

Scoffing, Ruby shook her head. “I’ve got that part worked out! Look, don’t you dare make a decision based on being protective of me.”

A soft smile came over Emma’s face as it was still hidden in the steering wheel, and she breathed out one more time: “Ah…fuck.”

***

“So, you didn’t find a place?” Regina asked as Emma lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, the phone held to her ear. She looked over at the clock and read: 12:47am. She sighed. She wasn’t the least bit tired.

“No. If anything, I actually feel like we were worse off for looking than not.”

A laugh came over the other end. “How so?”

“Because it sort of made it a reality that there are slim pickings out there. I don’t know. It was just really discouraging.”

Regina must have picked up on a tone in Emma’s voice that she hadn’t meant to lay on so thick, because she answered very softly. “Don’t worry yourself too sick over it, okay Em? It’ll work out.”

“Ruby doesn’t think so…” she said quietly.

“What does that mean?”

Emma sighed. “She thinks…she thinks if just the two of us get a place without Mary Margaret, she’d end up living alone and I’d just end up wasting rent money because I’d always be at your place. I think that’s kind of what she’s been dealing with lately.”

There was silence for a while, and Emma worried her bottom lip as she listened to Regina breathe on the other end. Emma was surprised then to hear the smile in the voice that finally came through. “Let me guess, Ruby’s encouraging us to move in together?”

Emma had to laugh at how light-hearted Regina sounded about it. It made the weight on her chest ease up. “Something like that, yeah.”

“Isn’t there some sort of stereotype where lesbians move in together after two weeks of dating?”

“We’ve been dating for six months, Regina.”

“Six and a half. We’re in the clear.”

Emma smacked her hand over her face and groaned. “My stomach hurts,” she blurted out randomly.

“I’m going to assume that is for one of two reasons. The first being that you’re nervous about your, potentially _our_ , living situation. And two, that you most likely had a hot pocket for lunch, and absolutely no dinner…right?”

“They were bagel bites…” Emma mumbled.

“Ah, the third option then. Both.” The amusement in Regina’s voice was growing, and Emma couldn’t help but laugh. “Baby, why don’t you take your time, and think about whether or not you want to move in with me?”

“Wait…what?” Emma sat up in bed, eyes wide open now. “You…” she swallowed. “Do you want me to?”

She heard Regina laughing harder, and wished more than anything that she could be there to see the sparkle in her eye when she did it. She wished she could just see that face so full of life and happiness. Sometimes, her chest ached with missing her. “If for no other reason than making sure you don’t starve yourself to death.”

“Regina…seriously?”

“Are you opposed to it?” The sudden change in Regina’s tone was sobering. Her humor was gone, and it made Emma’s stomach knot even tighter than before.

“I just…we’ve never talked about it.”

“Well, we’re talking about it,” the remark was kind, a little more upturn in her voice again. “Tell me honestly, Emma. If it’s off the table right now, that’s absolutely fine. I just wanted to let you know that it isn’t for me.”

It was Emma’s turn to be silent. She laid back against her pillows and furrowed her brow until her forehead hurt. After a long puff of air, she finally smirked, and asked: “I wouldn’t be allowed to keep Dinobites in the freezer, would I?”

“Absolutely not.”

She sighed. “Thought so…”

***

Regina felt her nerves calm a bit as Emma made light of the conversation. She’d been teetering back and forth with having this conversation with her, and was glad that Emma finally brought it up. She was going to wait until Christmas was over to offer, but with Ruby putting in the notice and their house searching not working out, the more pressing it was that they talk about it sooner. Now the ball was in Emma’s court.

They spoke a little while longer about seeing each other on Wednesday, and then Regina heard Emma’s voice starting to sound thick with sleepiness. “Why don’t you go to bed, sweetie? I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“Not tired…” came the pouting answer, and Regina felt a strange mixture of amusement and anxiety at Emma getting fussy and not being able to be there to get her to go to sleep.

“Emma,” she hardened her voice just a little to a bossy Mama tone. “It’s late. You have an appointment with Archie in the morning.”

It was quiet for a little while before she heard a muffled yawn, and then Emma said, “kay.”

However, when she hung up, she didn’t take her own advice. She fussed with the covers on Emma’s side of the bed, pressing down Pankie, who was folded neatly at Emma’s pillow. She had given Emma the option to take it home, but Emma had refused. They had built a strange dynamic here. It was Emma’s safe space, and the house she lived in with her two best friends seemed to be a place where Emma didn’t want to show any type of signs of need. The thought worried Regina just slightly that while Emma was perfectly comfortable with Regina, she still had walls up with everyone else. She hoped that would change.

As she continued pressing the blankets down just right, she heard what sounded distinctly like her front door being opened, and shot up at attention.

Hearing more rustling, she grabbed her phone and walked slowly towards the hallway, ready to slam her bedroom door and lock herself in if it hadn’t been her imagination. Creeping closer, her heart started beating against her chest as she heard more noise that affirmed it wasn’t. She didn’t dare call out Emma’s name to see if it was her. She’d just gotten off the phone with her, and she’d clearly been in bed. So it wasn’t Emma. The last thing she wanted to do was alert anyone who may be coming through where she was in the apartment.

Sweat started seeping onto Regina’s forehead as she creeped towards the door, hoping she’d be able to close it in time, when she heard a loud thud on the tiled floor of her entryway that nearly made her jump out of her skin.

And then she heard another crash that almost made her scream, until the voice that followed it reached her ear.

“Fuck! Bun! I broke your vase!”

“What the…?” Regina lost all of her fear, and confusion took over as she walked quickly down the hallway. She was shocked into place when she saw the bright red hair of her sister as she knelt to the floor and picked up pieces of broken ceramic. She had several suitcases surrounding her, and a backpack still on her back. “Zelena?”

Zelena looked up smiling. “Hi! Sorry. Did this have sentimental value?” she held up a piece of the ceramic.

Regina ignored her question. “What the hell are you doing here?”

At that, Zelena gave her an annoyed look and stood up, shrugging off the backpack. “Nice to see you too.”

“You scared the shit out of me! Why didn’t you call? You weren’t supposed to be here until Wednesday evening.”

The sigh that left Zelena was over dramatic as she glared at Regina, scooting her various bags out of the middle of the entryway. “Well, that was my _plan_. And then I get a call from Mother boo hoo hooing about you disowning her and ruining Christmas and ‘Please Zelena, go talk to her’ and ‘You’re the only one who can fix this’ and I’ll have you know,” she stopped busying herself with her bags and gave Regina an accusing look, “that the least you could do is offer me alcohol.”

“It’s nearly one in the morning!” Regina yelled.

“Don’t change the subject!” Zelena threw her hands in the air as she matched her sister’s tone. Regina was about to blow her top off at the accusation when it had been Zelena who had indeed changed it, when Zelena lowered her voice. “Look, all I know is that once again, you two are having it out with one another, and once again, I’m in the middle of it.”

“Zelena,” Regina pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “I’m sorry she’s been bothering you. I didn’t want you in the middle of this.”

“Were you going to tell me about it, at least?” Zelena scoffed as she stalked past Regina and into the kitchen. “Seriously, Bun. We’ve talked twice since Saturday, and you didn’t mention anything about it to me.”

Regina didn’t answer right away as she followed Zelena into the kitchen, leaning against the counter and inspecting her nails as her sister opened cabinets and found a bottle of wine and two glasses. “No,” she said quietly. “I wasn’t.”

Zelena turned to look at her, giving Regina that inspection look that let Regina know she was being psychoanalyzed by sight. “And why is that?”

“You know why.”

Finding a wine opener and opening the bottle, Zelena gave a slow shake of her head and poured the two glasses. “Because you knew what I would say,” she mimicked Regina’s tone, quiet and subdued. Regina didn’t answer. Zelena gave her another long look before she nodded toward the hallway. “Emma here?”

“No,” Regina’s voice was flat and nearly a whisper.

“You didn’t tell her either, did you?”

She didn’t even meet Zelena’s eye. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Well, then it’s a good thing you have me!” She handed Regina the newly poured glass of wine. “Drink up, Sis. You’re going to need it after I’m through with you.”

***

Emma saw Archie smiling at her out of the corner of her eye as she fumbled with his letter opener. Everything in his office has some strange fancy design, as if she had walked into the study of royalty. The handle was carved porcelain in the shape of four tiny elephants marching in the same direction. Leaves swirled around their feet and trunks.

“You seem lost in thought today,” Archie said kindly.

Emma glanced up. “Sorry.”

Archie smiled. “It’s alright. I’m used to you being quiet. Today is just a different type of quiet.”

Tilting her head, Emma asked: “How so?”

“Well, usually you’re nervous quiet. Today, you’re distracted quiet. You look like you have a lot on your mind.”

Emma nodded. “There’s some things. I’m still looking for a place to live. Well, actually,” Emma blew out a breath, “I’m deciding where to live. Regina offered to have me move in.”

“And you’re not ready?”

Emma paused. “I think I am. I mean…okay.” She took a deep breath, eyes widening. “I totally am. But this’ll be the first time I’ve ever done anything like this, you know? And I guess I’m just not used to the feeling. What if something goes wrong? What if we move in together and then she figures out that she actually hates it?”

Archie’s smile nearly broke his face as he nodded. “I’m not entirely sure you are hateworthy, Emma. Would it help you if I tell you those are all very normal, healthy thoughts that everyone goes through when they first decide to move in together?”

“Really?”

“Yes! You and I have had conversations about your self-worth, which is completely understandable given your childhood. So I believe it may be magnified for you, but I don’t want you to think that you are alone in your worries about taking the next step. However, if you are emotionally ready, you won’t know how it will work out if you don’t try.”

Nodding, Emma sighed. “There’s something else…”

Archie leaned forward, brows furrowing in that questioning expression of his. “Which is?”

“Something’s going on with Regina. She was on the phone on Saturday, and started crying. And she’s been off ever since. Just sort of…like you said I’m being? In her own little world.”

“And she hasn’t talked to you about it?”

Emma looked back down at the letter opener, twisting it in her hands. “No. She said she would, but she hasn’t yet, and I haven’t pushed her. I think…I think she was talking to her mom. There’s something going on there. When I went to Thanksgiving, they acted like the only reason they weren’t clawing each other’s throats out was because Zelena and I were there. She’s told me it’s a clash in personality, but I know there’s more to it.”

“Well,” Archie sat back in his seat on the couch. “You’ve mentioned to me that the reason you and Regina bonded so quickly was because of your honesty with one another. As a friend, the advice I would give to you is that I think you need to talk to her about what is going on, and do it before you consider taking a leap like moving in. As your doctor, the advice I’m going to give you is that I can see a change in you today, and I’m concerned with the signs. Pent up anxiety can have a serious effect on you, Emma. Have you been practicing your breathing and meditation?”

A cold rush stabbed Emma in the chest at her own fears being vocalized. Without saying anything, she nodded.

“Have you had any other flashbacks?”

“No,” she answered quietly.

“Well, let’s try and keep it that way. If you keep up your exercises and talk with Regina, I think you’ll be much better the next time I see you.”

***

Regina had been giving her casefile a try for the past two hours, but found herself stuck on the same paragraph over and over. She’d snap out of it, and make herself commit to her work at hand, and then her mind would wander again, going back to the phone call with her mother, going back to the conversation last night with Zelena, going back to the actual casefile she couldn’t get out of her head.

Giving up, she took her arm and dragged it across her desk, clearing it of any and all paperwork, and then rested her forehead there. She was tired. She’d only managed about a half an hour of sleep after Zelena was done giving her philosophical bullshit. Her mind was racing back and forth with the two decisions in front of her like a tennis ball: to help Mother, or not to help Mother.

She looked at the clock, and sighed. Only twelve fifteen. She had so much work to do, and couldn’t focus on doing any of it. What she really wanted, what she actually needed right then and there, was Emma. She wanted to hold her, press her face into that wheat-colored hair, nuzzle against her baby and forget everything but that very moment. But she was also going to have to tell Emma what was going on, and soon. Otherwise, she’d start asking questions about why Cora wasn’t coming to Boston for Christmas, why Zelena was there early, and above all else, what was wrong. She knew she wasn’t pulling off her façade; Emma knew her too well. And she could sense Emma being cautious, worrying, deciding whether to push her or not. It killed her. She couldn’t stand the thought of a worried Emma. But that only left room for the other thing she couldn’t stand: telling her. Telling Emma everything.

She should have done it a long time ago, if she were honest with herself. It shouldn’t have had to come down to the wire like this, where she was forced into it, especially when she was as emotional as this.

Before she realized she was doing it and why, she was dialing Emma’s number. It rang a few times before Emma answered, out of breath. “R’gina?”

Regina’s heart palpitated. “Emma? Are you okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, fine!” Emma gave a little laugh, and Regina relaxed when she heard August’s voice in the background. “August and I just had to chase a car down a street to get the license number. Damn guy cut out on us the second we walked in on him at a coffee shop.”

“Did you get it?”

“Yeah…” Emma panted. “What’s up?

“I um…” Regina shook her head quickly to get the sudden erotic image that came into her mind that the sound of Emma’s breathing triggered. She smiled slightly to herself. Talk about getting her mind off of things. “…was wondering if you’d already had lunch. I’m thinking of taking the rest of the day off.”

“Off? Like, off off?

“Yes. I thought I’d grab us a to go burger from your diner and eat at home?”

Emma was quiet for a bit, and Regina swallowed the pang in her throat down. She knew that Emma was surprised by her wanting to duck out of the office early. That wasn’t like Regina at all. Even on the days she stayed home, she always stayed in her study and buried herself in paperwork.

“If you’re busy, it’s fine. I can see you later…”

“No!” Emma stopped her. “No, it’s okay. Give me an hour and a half, and I’ll meet you there?”

Regina sighed, but it wasn’t all relief. A huge part of it was apprehension, and another part, guilt. “Alright. See you then.”

Before she clicked off, Emma called to her. “Hey, Regina!”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Despite her nervousness, Regina smiled. “I love you too.”

It took Regina almost the entire hour and a half to get to the diner, order the food, and take it back to her house. She got Emma’s favorite chocolate banana milkshake that they put in an enormous Styrofoam cup, and stored it in the freezer for her. She preheated the oven for when Emma got home, and put everything on the dining room table, ignoring Zelena’s numerous bags that were piled up by the couch. Zelena had taken the day to do her own shopping and meet up with a few friends. Regina wasn’t sure if she was even going to go to August’s now, but she absolutely hoped she would. She didn’t need Zelena breathing down her neck just then. It was only adding to her stress.

The front door opened, and Regina went into the entryway to meet Emma, who shrugged her jacket off. When Emma stepped into her space to hug her hello, Regina nearly melted, wrapping her arms around Emma’s waist tightly and bringing her in to her chest with more force than she meant to. For the smallest fragment of a second, she wished she could simply hold her like this for the rest of the night, and that they could just bask in each other’s love silently. No talking, no remembering, no anything but the feeling of each other.

***

Feeling the eagerness of Regina’s grip, Emma let herself be held, rubbing her cheek against her partner’s. Regina felt soft and inviting, but she could sense that same strangeness that had overtaken her mood for the last few days. There was a stiffness in her posture that was not comforting.

Pulling away, she looked into Regina’s eyes, and noted that they were red and sunken. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look tired.” Emma said, her brows furrowing.

She saw a shadow pass over Regina’s face, but she quickly recovered, and looked down to take Emma’s hand. “I didn’t sleep much last night. Go sit and I’ll heat up our food, okay?” she smiled.

Emma squeezed Regina’s hand before making her way to the dining room. She noticed a pile of suitcases and backpacks near the couch in the living room, and confusedly called to Regina: “What’s with the luggage?”

“Zelena is here,” Regina answered back, and Emma whirled her head around, surprised.

“Where?”

“She’s out right now, but she decided to come early.”

“I thought she was staying with August,” Emma answered.

“She is. But he isn’t expecting her until tomorrow.”

Emma waited for Regina to bring their food, and when she did, she watched Regina settle into her seat. She could see her gathering herself. She handed Emma a napkin, but once it was time to eat, she looked about as interested in the food as Emma was herself.

“So,” Emma picked up a group of fries and brought them to her mouth. “Why’d you leave work early today?”

Regina smiled at her, picking a fry up herself. “I wanted to see you. I tried working, but…” she stuck the fry in her mouth and chewed for a moment before finishing. “I couldn’t focus.”

“Something’s on your mind,” Emma said. It wasn’t a question. Regina avoided her eyes. “Is this about the phone call you had the other day?”

At that, Regina’s face fell, and her dark eyes searched Emma’s face. Emma saw the familiar look of concern take over her expressions, and Regina gave a sigh. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Regina,” Emma forgot about the food in front of her, and propped her elbows up on the table. “Of course I’m worried about you. You’ve been acting strangely ever since. You’re clearly sleeping even less than we usually do when we’re apart, and now you’re taking the day off of work.” When Regina didn’t say anything, she pushed forward. “It’s your mother, isn’t it?”

She saw the widening of Regina’s eyes for a split second, the pursing of her lips. “Yes,” she conceded.

“What’s going on? What did she do to make you cry?”

Letting out a huge breath, Regina’s eyes closed for a moment before answering. “My mother has been caught having an affair.”

Emma stared at her for a moment, and tried to gauge Regina’s tone. It was guarded, reserved. “Oh,” Emma said, feeling stupid. “Yikes. That’s probably not good for publicity. Is she going to lose her position?”

“That’s highly probably. She had an affair with a police officer.”

“Oh,” Emma repeated, not sure exactly why that added tidbit would make a difference.

“The problem isn’t the affair itself. That’s bad for publicity, yes. She’d probably get voted out. But as the mayor, she is technically the police officer’s boss.”

Emma’s eyebrows raised a bit at that. “Ohhh,” Emma dragged it out, realization starting to dawn on her.

“The bigger problem is that at one point she had been accused of this, and she swore under oath that the allegations were false. Apparently, evidence has risen that many of their encounters were while they were both on the clock, and that she lied in court.”

Swallowing, Emma leaned closer. “I don’t know a whole lot about politics, but isn’t that like…against the law?”

Regina actually smiled at that. “Yes. Big time. My mother has several lawsuits against her. She will likely be indicted soon. She could serve prison time.”

Sitting back in her seat, Emma blew out a breath. “Shit.”

“Exactly,” Regina sighed. “And she wants my help.”

“How can you help? You’re a prosecution attorney.”

“That’s my specialty, yes. But it wouldn’t be impossible for me to defend her. Not physically or mentally anyway. Morally…well. That is another matter.”

Emma was slightly taken aback by the comment. It made sense that Regina would be upset by her mother being accused of having an affair on tax payers’ dollars, and committing perjury. But was she honestly considering turning down Cora’s request? It sounded like it. But quickly, Emma remembered who she was talking about here. If Regina didn’t want to help her mother, she more than likely had a damn good reason.

These were dangerous waters; she treaded carefully. “Regina, I know you and your mom don’t get along very well. But she’s asked you to help her. I mean, do you really want to see her spend time in prison?”

Regina didn’t react poorly to Emma’s question, however. She gave her a look that implied there wasn’t much she could do about that, and shook her head. “She’ll likely spend time in jail no matter what I do. I could probably help minimize the charges, but if they have enough evidence on her, I won’t be able to save her completely.”

“But the way you make it sound is you aren’t willing to try.”

Regina worried her lip with her tongue, and that strange, far-away look came into her eyes. “I’m not sure I am.”

Emma was beyond confused. Regina and Cora clearly had a history that she didn’t understand, but she’d also heard Regina defend her mother at certain points, give reasons for her mother’s behavior. Despite everything, Regina loved Cora. Emma knew that. So what was going on here? “Why?” she asked. “I mean, look, I can tell that there’s a lot between the two of you. But when push comes to shove, she’s your mom, right?”

Regina’s look didn’t change, and her voice didn’t raise to the level Emma’s had. She simply smiled sadly, and said: “it’s a bit more complicated than that, Emma.”

Emma was about to say something to that, when they both heard the front lock click and the door open. “Regina! I saw your car! Why are you home?” Zelena yelled from the entryway. “Go away! I’m going to wrap your presents. You should see what I got Emma…” her voice got closer as she walked into the dining room, and stopped when she saw the two of them there. Her eyes lit up as they fell on Emma. “My little dove!” she squealed, and dropped several bags she was holding to run at Emma, who met her by jumping out of her chair and crushing Zelena in a hug. Emma giggled as Zelena attacked her cheek with kisses, and for the smallest of moments, she forgot about the worry she felt. “No peeking!” Zelena let go to grab the bags again and winked at Emma. “Oh!” she spotted the hamburgers on the table and dove for Regina’s, forcing an enormous bite into her mouth before putting it back down. Emma saw Regina’s eyebrows go up and give Zelena an annoyed look, but she doubted Regina was the slightest bit hungry. “Fuck, that’s good,” she mumbled with her mouth full of food.

“It’s from the best place ever,” Emma gushed, grabbing a handful of French fries and forcing them into Zelena’s hand.

“Emma,” Regina chided, suddenly up into Mama mode and grabbing at Emma’s hands gently to wipe them off with her napkin. “The two of you are making a mess.” She looked at Zelena. “You, go put all of those presents in the study closet. You,” she gave Emma a no-funny-business face, “sit down, finish your food, and don’t even _think_ about peeking at those presents.”

When Zelena went down the hall to drop off the bags, Regina smiled at Emma as she sat down. “I’m hoping she’s only be here one more night, and then I can ship her off to August.”

Emma was happy with the idea of spending time with Zelena, but did want to finish the conversation that they were having. She returned the smile Regina gave her. “Okay. Let’s talk tomorrow.”

Regina gave her a worried eye. “Are you sure? I feel like I have more explaining to do.”

Sighing, Emma nodded. “You don’t have to explain anything, Regina. Look, I trust you’ll tell me what’s going on. I know you wouldn’t be confused about helping your mom unless you had good reason. Let’s just…” she paused, trying to find the right words. “Let’s just enjoy tonight, and then we can talk about it tomorrow. Okay?”

Zelena brightened the mood the rest of the afternoon. Emma’s milkshake was split into two bowls for them, and she insisted on suping them both up with whipped cream, cherries, and chocolate syrup. Regina tried to put her foot down when Emma wanted five cherries and way too much chocolate syrup, but Zelena quickly cut in. “Don’t be so uptight, Bun,” she teased, adding three more cherries to Emma’s bowl.

By the time she had half-way dug into her bowl, her head was pleasantly buzzing with sugar, her mouth was covered in chocolate, and she was spiraling down into little space at torpedo speed. Strangest yet, she not only didn’t realize it was happening, but that despite there being somebody other than Regina there, Zelena was actually encouraging the issue.

Emma had never been comfortable even giving off hints of her other side with anyone but Regina, but there was something about the way Zelena interacted with her that made it hard to help. Zelena tortured her with a guessing game about what she was getting for Christmas, and showed Emma a couple of games on her smartphone that made sounds that clearly drove Regina up the wall.

Before she knew it, the living room light was dimming from the sunset on the other side of the windows, and Emma was starting to crash from her sugar high. They were all watching a television show that Emma had lost interest in, too busy trying to beat the phone game that Regina had forced her to turn on silent. When she’d finally had enough of it, she put the phone down, her eyes drooping as she sat in between the two sisters on the couch.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her cheek, and the caressing of a thumb. Her eyes trailed slowly to Regina, who was watching her instead of the television. When they made eye contact, Emma was drawn to her Mama’s lap like a magnet, crawling over and scooting herself into the waiting embrace. She folded herself as far inward into the warm arms that wrapped around her, closing her eyes. She heard a chuckle, but didn’t feel it coming from the one holding her.

“Somebody’s tired,” she heard Zelena say.

Emma couldn’t bring herself to worry over the voices of the two grownups. She was far too happy with being held, resting her eyes, and finding comfort in her suckling…she nearly started when she realized that she indeed had her fingers in her mouth, but couldn’t for the life of her remember putting them there.

***

Once Emma buried her face deeper into Regina’s chest and stuck her fingers in her mouth, Regina knew it was time for bed. Any moment, Emma was going to realize that she wanted to nurse, and Regina would rather not have prying eyes when she was made to get ready for bed first.

“Alright,” Zelena whispered, sipping a glass of wine she had poured for herself just before they began watching television. “You know this isn’t my thing, but she’s pretty cute like that.”

Regina chuckled softly, careful not to make Emma stir. “Yeah well, you might change your mind once I take those fingers out of her mouth. She won’t be as peaceful.”

Zelena squinted her eyes accusingly at Regina. “Monster.”

“I think we’re done for the night. Could you do me a favor and go clean up the kitchen while I take her to bed?”

Zelena smiled as she stood up, raising her whisper just slightly. “Don’t want me witnessing the tantrum, eh?”

Regina gave her a look. “You tend to get her riled up, and that’s the last thing I need right now.”

Rolling her eyes, Zelena conceded, and went to the kitchen. Regina was glad she went without much of a fight. She loved Zelena, and knew Zelena didn’t judge the dynamic she had with Emma, but she was also very tired, and wanted her own time with her little one. The last few days had been emotionally overwhelming for her, and she was more than ready to go nurse Emma and put her down.

Once Zelena was gone, she gently took Emma’s fingers away from her mouth, and nudged at her sleeping body. “C’mon, love,” she whispered. “Let’s go to bed.”

Emma’s eyes blinked tiredly a few times, and she gave a little whine, trying to curl back up. “Nuh uh…” she whimpered, and Regina felt her clutching to her tighter.

“Let’s go, Emma. Good girls get their milkies.”

She managed to lift Emma into a sitting position, who rubbed her eyes furiously with her knuckles and let out a cry as soon as Regina got off the couch. The crash from her sugar high had not only spun her hard into her Little Space, but it was making her cranky. Before Regina could grab onto her to lift her up, Emma threw herself back down, face-planting into the couch, and Regina heard her start to sob into the cushion.

Sighing, Regina leaned down, putting her hands on each side of Emma’s hips and her lips to Emma’s ear. “Where’s my little angel, hm?”

Another cry.

“Emma,” she said in her warning tone. “If you don’t listen, you will go to bed without Pankie, and without your milk, do you understand?”

That did it. She felt Emma stiffen, and her sobbing stopped in her throat. A little turn of her head from the cushion, and Emma peeked an eye out. The unfocused look in them thawed Regina, and she smiled. “That’s my good girl,” she encouraged. “Come on.”

Emma finally let herself be picked up, and Regina got them to their room, where she laid Emma down on the bed. She turned on Emma’s wave projector in the darkness, rainbow flowing lights dancing slowly on the ceiling. Emma blinked up at them, hardly able to keep her eyes open as Regina handed her Pankie and pressed her paci to her lips.

Snuggling her blankie up to her face, Emma sighed and mumbled: “Mama, I’m sorry…” around her paci.

Regina had just come back with Emma’s changing items, and she set them aside to lean down and kiss Emma on the cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart. I know you’re tired. Too much sugar, huh?”

“Mmhm…” she sighed, and her eyes closed again.

Regina unbuttoned Emma’s pants and slid them down her legs along with her underwear, shifting the changing pad underneath her. She heard Emma give another sigh, one of pure content, when the baby powder was applied to her skin, and Regina felt her own heart begin to settle down. She may actually have a decent night’s sleep now that Emma was there and she could care for her. Wrapping Emma up in a diaper, she put everything away, and got herself into her pajamas.

Emma was out by the time she got back to the bed, but shifting her again to get the under the covers made her stir, and Regina hoped that she’d stay awake long enough to get all of her milk. Regina was too emotionally raw to even think about using the pump that night, not when Emma was here. She heard Zelena moving around and watching television in the living room as she finally settled Emma in, getting her to latch on. Emma seemed to come alive just then, and nuzzled herself in, taking purposeful sucks of her milk.

Regina let out a breath, and lowered her head to press her face into the top of Emma’s hair, taking in her smell. For the first time since that morning, she was alone with her thoughts again, but her Little One bonding with her kept all of her worries at bay. She had been waiting for this all day, to be alone with Emma, to hold her, to only think about the two of them.

But she knew, deep down, that the strength in their bond was a direct result of the trust they had built. And in order to keep it, Regina was going to have to tell Emma everything. She couldn’t keep her in the dark. She winced as she thought about those worried eyes, trying to connect the dots without having all of the coordinates to do so, confusion and frustration causing her sweet face to twist. It wasn’t fair. It didn’t matter how painful it was. She needed to tell her.

At the same time, that overpowering urge to protect Emma ran through her. It was all so overwhelming. She had so many decisions to make, and so many of her own feelings to set aside to protect the people she loved. She thought about Zelena in the other room, who had stopped everything to come up to Boston and be with her. Zelena was being hard on her, but Regina also knew that her sister’s main goal was to support her, help her process everything, keep her from doing anything she’d regret. She thought about her mother, alone in Storybrooke, probably fighting with herself to either let Regina go or to try again. And if she did, would Regina finally do what she was asking her to do?

A little whimper broke her out of her reverie, and she automatically kissed the top of the head she was resting against. “Sshh…” she whispered, patting Emma’s padded bottom, breathing in the scent of her hair, closing her eyes against it.

***

Regina had been in a deep sleep, right where she loved to be, with Emma sleeping peacefully next to her, when she was violently jolted awake. A piercing howl permeated the air, and she awoke to Emma further away on the other side of the bed. She was stiff as a board, as if her limbs were made of unbending wood. Her eyes were wide open and unblinking, but there was no focus in them, they were black and unseeing. Her chest was heaving, trying to suck in air, but she was only able to suck in a tiny bit of breath that quickly left her as her cries ripped through her throat.

“Oh god…” Regina was up before she registered doing it, looming over and grabbing hold of Emma’s face, trying to break through by looking her straight in the eyes. “Emma, I’m here. Look at me, baby.” She felt cold fright trickle into her chest when there was no recognition in Emma’s eyes. There was nothing in them at all. Her pupils were so large that her green irises were nearly gone, and Regina knew she was back in that suitcase, engulfed in darkness, trying to get in air, trying to call for help that didn’t come.

Emma’s body started shaking, sweat was soaking her clothes and the sheets around her. She was able to grasp a bit of air, but it came flooding back out just as quickly. The sound she made hurt Regina’s ears, but she didn’t pay her own pain any attention. As Emma’s lips started to turn blue, she felt her own panic start to rise, holding Emma with more force, trying to shake her gently.

“Christ, you weren’t kidding.”

The new voice nearly made Regina jump out of her skin. Her head whipped around to see Zelena walking into the room, looking down on them. She seemed morbidly impressed by Emma’s flashback, and that unnerved Regina, who knew Zelena had seen quite a bit in her practice. “Zee…” she cried. “Help her!”

Zelena didn’t seem to pick up on the panicked energy. She just nodded, and put a hand on Regina’s back. “Relax, bun. You won’t help her by freaking out. You’re doing fine. Keep talking to her.”

“She’s not breathing!”

“Re _gina_.”

Zelena’s voice was so stern that it stopped Regina’s arguing up short. Even though she wanted to scream. Even though she wanted to make Zelena understand her fright. What good was her stupid title of “doctor” before her name if she couldn’t help Regina and Emma now? But Regina closed her eyes and took a breath, just as Emma let out a choked shriek. “Emma…come back to me,” she tried to keep her composure, petting Emma’s sweat-soaked face. “Follow my voice, darling. Find me…”

“Good,” Zelena said, softer this time. “Keep it up. Where’s her Xanax?”

Regina twisted back towards her sister. “You said she shouldn’t take it.”

Zelena managed an eye roll. “Not as a deterrent, no. Desperate times. Where is it?”

“In the bathroom cabinet above the toilet,” Regina mumbled. “Emma, find me!” she called again as Zelena left.

Emma’s limbs came to life, and began thrashing. Her hands began clawing at Regina’s chest, who barely flinched at their attacks. To fend them off, she lifted Emma’s upper body off of the mattress, and pressed her own firmly against it. As Emma continued to try and thrash, to claw and kick her way out of the suitcase, Regina held her tighter, keeping her lips by Emma’s ear. “Breathe, my darling. Mama’s right here. Find Mama, baby.” She began rocking them as she felt Emma’s feet kicking at the sheets. “Find me…” she repeated. “Emma, come back to me.”

“Emma,” a loud, commanding voice came right behind Regina, and she saw Zelena pull the sheets completely off the bed and grab hold of Emma’s foot, hard. “Regina’s got you. You’re with your mama. I’m here too. Remember our breathing? Focus here…” she knew that Zelena had pinched Emma’s toe, trying to get her to put all of her attention to it.

Emma didn’t seem to react. Regina felt those desperate hands clawing at her back, and she responded by cradling Emma’s head to her. “Emma,” she tried mimicking Zelena’s tone, using her warning voice. “Emma, I’m right here with you. You’re not trapped anywhere, baby. You’re in my arms. Do you feel me?” she squeezed tighter, and was surprised when Emma’s fingers unlatched their grip, and she sucked in a huge breath. She heard Zelena encourage her to keep going, so she did. She emboldened her voice. “That’s it. I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

Zelena must have been able to see a change in Emma’s face, because she said: “Good job, Little Dove.”

Emma took in another breath, and Regina released her own, not realizing she had been holding hers in. Emma started to sit up by herself, just barely, and Regina held the back of her head so she wouldn’t lose her balance. Their eyes met, and she saw a bit of that green seeping in, giving her life. “There’s my babygirl,” Regina sighed.

Emma started breathing in quick little successions, blinking furiously. They darted wildly in every direction, sweaty brow furrowing, until they finally landed on Regina’s. She gave a little whimper, and began trembling so violently that Regina had to bring her back in. “Sshh. Mama’s here, Little One. You’re alright now.” She hoped it was true, but Emma’s trembling turned into near convulsions, and she began letting loose strange moans, her breathing erratic.

“Here,” Zelena came closer, and pulled Emma back out of her embrace to try and coax the tiny pill to her lips. “Here, love. Can you open?”

Emma didn’t seem to register the words. She just looked at Zelena with shock, as if she had never seen her before in her life. But Regina knew how to fix it. “Zelena,” she never took her eyes off of Emma as she instructed her sister. “There’s a cabinet with bottles above the fridge. Go fill one up with water. I’ll get her to take it.”

Zelena looked sideways at Regina before she finally conceded and left the room. Emma didn’t seem to notice anything about the exchange. Her shivering didn’t let up as she dove her fingers into her mouth and collapsed against her Mama. Her breathing was still short and not at all regular, making Regina worry as she noticed that barely any of her usual color had come back into her lips.

Zelena was back quickly, and handed the bottle to Regina. Taking Emma’s fingers out of her mouth, she told Zelena to put the pill between her lips quickly, and before Emma could react, Regina lowered Emma down and had the bottle where her fingers used to be. Emma’s face twisted, those strange moans escaping and being muffled by the nipple, and she tried to tear away, but Regina followed her movements.

“The pill is bitter,” Zelena explained. “Hopefully she swallows it.”

She must have. For a few minutes, Regina fought with Emma, trying to keep her body still even though she tried to thrash, calling to her when she began breathing fitfully again, shushing her when she started to let out pained cries around the nipple of the bottle. And then, slowly but surely, the tension in her body began to melt. The sweat started to dry on her skin, her breathing started to return to normal. She stopped fighting, and let Regina hold her. Her eyes began to clear, but droop.

“It works fast,” Zelena said as she rubbed up and down Regina’s back, trying to soothe her sister. “You did good, Bun.”

Regina couldn’t help it; she let out a sob, and grabbed Emma’s body as gently as she could to bring her in closely. Emma turned into her, a hand coming to clutch onto Regina’s shirt. The familiar action only made Regina sob harder, realizing that her Little One was completely there, safe with her. She kissed the top of Emma’s head, and mumbled into her hair. “I’m sorry, baby…” she cried. “I’m so sorry…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I’m being mean again. Welp....Happy Sunday!


	25. Author's Note

Where to start...

For those of you who haven't been on my tumblr, I just wanted to let you all know why I basically dropped off. Long story short, I have a tenant renting a room in my home. Or had... Randomly, two weeks ago, my house gets raided by the Internet Crimes Against Children department of the Sheriff's office. I think you can deduce what that means by their title. Longer story short, I threw his ass out of my house so quickly, even the polices' heads were spinning. They warned me that he could take me to court to say he had 30 days' notice. Fuck that. Take my ass to court. I am NOT allowing somebody like that near my home, my family, my goddamned orbit. Luckily, he left willingly.

Unfortunately, things take time when somebody doesn't cooperate and give access to their electronics, and no arrests have been made. Yet. I'm hopeful.

After sitting in my house for hours having a group of police officers go through all of my electronics...I felt so violated and scared. Luckily, because, you know, I'm not a monster, I was cleared pretty quickly. But I have been so drained emotionally by this experience. I'm nervous they won't be able to get anything concrete to bring him to justice. I'm devastated that something like this was happening right under my nose under my goddamned roof, under my name because I own everything here, including the internet IP address. I'm angry beyond belief at being so violated, at being taken advantage of, at being lied to, at not picking up on the signs and even considering this was going on, at the thought of the babies who are the real victims here...somewhere out there...just wishing somebody would save them.

So that's why I disappeared. And I'm still going to need time. It is still really fresh. For five days, I barely ate or slept, and I basically stared at a TV (I don't watch TV) and did puzzles (I don't do puzzles) because I couldn't think of anything more mindless than those two acts. Every time I even considered writing, I'd just start bawling, thinking about the misconceptions of this genre and/or kink and thinking about the heavy topics in it that I really couldn't put on my heart. Writing has always been an escape for me. But with this fic, there is this weird connection to the internet that I've basically been turned off from since this happened. It's a goddamned dark place most of it.

Which brings me to my last message. So many of you have talked about the light this fic has brought you. As of right now, it has one of the most comments, kudos, and views in Swanqueen. I NEVER expected that. I NEVER expected such a reception. Particularly since the topic is such a niche. And I've heard from many of you that you never once even considered this genre interesting or likable, and my writing changed that. Talk about something I never expected. I actually expected to get a lot of hate from keyboard courage people, and it just never came. You've all been wonderful. You've all kept this going with all of your encouragements. Some of you have been so open minded about a topic that you would otherwise never enjoy, and I really thank you for that. I don't feel like I'm very good at replying to comments with how incredible they make me feel.

And for those of you who shared your own stories with me after I explained what happened on my tumblr, and those of you who have been checking on me since this, THANK. YOU. There really aren't powerful enough words to express my gratitude, because I don't know if I've ever felt more violated or scared or worried or angry or numb all at once, and your words really helped me. I'm coming back. I will. I promise. I've already started looking over some of my writing that I started before this went down. But I do need some time. I just need to feel safe again, because I've said it before: posting this fic has been really exposing for me. I have never shared this part of myself with anyone safe for ONE person in the world, and I've always had heavy armor around myself, so this...this was a huge step. It's actually hard to post it when I feel really strong, so right now when I feel so violated...it's just damned near impossible. But I'll get there. I'm gunna be that person and quote myself from when this first happened, so here's my main message about this fic and this whole incident:

"This “kink” is misunderstood by so many. One of my goals was to try and explain it, how healthy it can be, how two consenting adults can agree to something that is about trust, exchanging power and letting someone take care of you. I’ve heard it be misconstrued as some freaky thing involving children. This has always enraged me. Children are innocent, children cannot give consent, children have no business even knowing about sexual things, much less being exposed to anything even remotely sexual. Children deserve to feel safe, only worry about their homework, live in the moment, trust that the adults around them have their best interest at heart. Hell, we only really get that the first few years of our lives, and that’s if we were lucky to hit the parental jackpot. The least we as adults can do is strive to give them those first years."

So anyway...thank you again. Really. I wish I could invent a better word that shows my gratitude more. And if you ever do have questions about the kink and the difference between it and being attracted to children, please...ASK. It's okay. People who ask and don't go into attack mode will get a long, educated answer that will hopefully shine some light on it for you. We can have a back and forth discussion. Because it couldn't be farther from that very thing. And if there is one thing I promote on here, it is for all of us to be kind to one another, and to not jump into the defensive, and to give people the benefit of the doubt, and just TALK to one another. I imagine you are here because you like the escape, because you want to relax and smile. I know that's why I read fanfic. So let's not sully our escape with beating the crap out of each other with words. Go watch the news for that. So even though I've never gotten any terrible comments, if you do have questions, please ask! It's truly okay. 

Until next time. I truly am grateful.


	26. Christmas Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This one's kind of emotional. Just a head's up.

Regina felt Zelena’s hand on her head again, and heard her sigh. “I’ll be in the living room, alright? She’s going to be just fine, Bun.”

Regina caught the latest sob in her throat, and gave her sister the slightest of nods. “Zelena. Thank you.”

Zelena gave her a half smile, and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. When she left, Regina looked up to the ceiling and gathered her emotions, taking in a deep breath before looking back down at Emma in her arms.

Her eyes were drooping and unfocused, lips no longer sucking on the bottle. The hand at Regina’s shirt was loose and barely hanging on. She was clearly drugged, and Regina hated it. She hated that just to get Emma to start breathing again, she needed to have a pill shoved down her throat. Emma’s screams were echoing in her head.

She pulled the bottle from Emma’s lips and set it down, wiping at her own tears before rubbing up and down Emma’s back. Emma gave a tiny grunt and nuzzled her nose in deeper to Regina’s chest, and Regina wondered if she had Little Emma underneath all of the medication, or just a very tired, confused girlfriend.

Emma’s teeth lightly chattered, a very different motion than the trembling of her flashback; she was cold.

Regina moved her hand down to Emma’s bottom, and felt for the first time that Emma’s diaper was heavy. More than that, her pajamas were damp with sweat. She reluctantly lowered Emma down to the bed, and immediately felt the emptiness make her heart ache.

Emma barely reacted. Her eyes watched Regina with mild interest, shivering slightly amplified now that she wasn’t in her arms. But when Regina left her sights to grab Emma’s changing items, she heard the sure sounds of a terrified whimper, gaining in strength as Mama didn’t appear instantly at the sound. She ran back to Emma, throwing everything to the side to put a hand on her cheek. “Sshh…I’m right here. I’m not leaving you, darling,” she soothed Emma’s cheek with a caressing thumb, and Emma’s calls died on her lips. Her arms came up in slow motion, dangling in the air with great effort, and she made slow grabby hands, trying with all her might to reach out for Regina.

Smiling, she leaned down and nuzzled next to Emma’s cheek, kissing it tenderly before whispering in her ear. “Let’s get you changed.”

Emma’s arms tried to hold Regina in place, but without any fight in them. They were made of heavy rubber, and Regina forced herself to stand upright. Putting the changing pad under Emma’s bottom, she untaped her diaper, and carefully removed it. Emma’s whole body shivered at the burst of cold air, and Regina felt a pang in her heart as she discarded it to quickly wipe Emma down. The shaking whimpers left Emma’s throat at the coldness, but Regina made sure she didn’t do a poor job of cleaning her. Finally finishing, she grabbed the baby lotion and massaged it into Emma’s bottom, her pelvis, her inner thighs. The motion made Emma’s body calm, a trembling sigh left her, and Regina felt a smile tug at her own lips. “That’s my good girl,” she praised, leaning down to give Emma a quick kiss on the cheek before finishing with powdering her down and getting a fresh diaper underneath her. She taped it up and went quickly to find a new pair of pajamas for her.

Emma made the same strange call, afraid of her absence, and Regina came back quickly. Getting Emma into new pajamas was a lot more work; she was heavy as lead as she was sat up, having to lift her arms, shift her weight so that each limb was covered. Regina cleaned everything up, and had to ignore Emma’s soft cries as she went and washed her hands in the bathroom, but she came back quickly and found Pankie, placing it in Emma’s arms before shifting her closer to Regina’s side of the bed so that she could hold her.

There didn’t seem to be any real consciousness of what was happening. Emma’s eyes were so heavy, they barely stayed open, her breathing was slow and deep. Regina found Emma’s paci, and tried to put it in between her lips, but Emma shut her eyes tightly, and turned away from it, the movements like Regina was watching a scene in slow motion.

“You don’t want your paci?”

Emma’s brow furrowed, and for a moment, her eyes tried to meet Regina’s. “W’happent?” The question was sluggish and slurred, thick as paste.

Regina lay next to Emma and rubbed up and down her back. “You had a flashback. You woke up screaming. You couldn’t breathe. Remember?”

Her eyes tried to look around her, but without much success. Her face twisted in the way it did when she was trying to concentrate. “Nuh uh…” she gave up searching and shut her eyes, trying to scoot closer into Regina’s body. And then, very slowly, her lips began to move again. “I wazsleep?”

“Do you remember Zelena coming in? Helping you breathe?”

“Iwza bottle…you gave meuh bottle,” the words fused together like putty.

“Yes. To take your medicine. Is that the first thing you remember?”

No answer. The concentrating look came back, and Regina felt the weight bare down on her chest, heavy and painful. She felt the worry and guilt crush her ribs like the swat of a bat. “Don’t worry about any of that now, baby. Just close your eyes. I’m going to hold you. I’m not going to let you go.”

Emma blinked slowly a few times, curling into Regina’s arms, but she made an argumentative noise. “Dunwanna sleep.”

“Sshh,” Regina lifted the blankets around them tighter, and rubbed up and down Emma’s back. “Just close your eyes. My little fighter,” she smiled and kissed Emma’s forehead.

***

Blurred light greeted Emma as her eyes slowly opened. Before so much as moving, she waited until they could focus. It took longer than usual, but eventually she made out the sky, blue and white, from the wall window of Regina’s bedroom. With huge effort, she rolled onto her back, and realized that she had Pankie tucked under one of her arms. She wasn’t really in the headspace to snuggle up to him, but his presence was calming nonetheless.

She was alone, and had the sense from the light outside that it was later than she would have liked. Turning to look at Regina’s bedside clock, she saw that it was eleven-thirty. She shot up into a sitting position, and immediately regretted it. Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, her jaw hurt, and her limbs ached. They all seemed to be working against her in a strange slow motion that she would have found maddening, but something was keeping her from getting worked up about it. Where was Regina? Why did she leave her here to sleep in until midday? She had work to do, she couldn’t just skip out of an entire day’s worth of it, especially with the holiday coming up.

Just as she thought it, she had a strange memory of the night before. She was laying on her back on the bed, Regina looming over her, and she was…crying? Zelena was there too, but left just when Emma realized she was there.

The strange memory mixed with the way she was feeling had realization dawning on her. Emma hated the way her body moved, or rather, didn’t, but it occurred to her why it was so familiar. The last time she’d felt this way, she’d woken up in the hospital. She’d clearly taken the medication she’d been prescribed, which could only mean one thing: she’d had a flashback. It must have been bad enough to scare Regina into resorting to the medicine. Guilt hit her stomach.

She brought a hand up to her face and rubbed her eyes hard. “Fuck,” she mumbled, and slowly but surely got out of bed, making her way to the bathroom. Her skin felt sticky and gross. A hot shower would take care of that, and hopefully clear her head. She turned the water on and peeled off her pajamas, but paused at the diaper. A little wave of panic rippled through her as she tried to remember the night before. She was pretty sure Regina had changed her. “Fuck…” she repeated, and tore at it to throw it away before stepping into the shower.

She wasn’t in there long before Regina came in, her silhouette moving quickly, almost in panic. Another pang of guilt hit Emma as she saw her searching through the steaming glass. “Emma?”

“I’m okay,” she said as clearly as she could. Her tongue felt thick.

She saw Regina’s frame standing there, but couldn’t make out her face from the steam. She didn’t move from her spot. Emma could sense her hesitation. She had clearly picked up on Emma’s tone that she just needed a moment to regroup, and didn’t move to join Emma. “Do you need anything?”

A tiny smiled curved Emma’s lips. “No. Thanks. I’ll be done soon.” She pressed her forehead to the tile, liking the coolness it provided as she just let the water tumble down her skin.

“I’m in the study, okay?”

“Kay,” she answered, and felt herself left alone to rinse her body of the stickiness. She washed her hair, her face, all slowly and with little purpose. The hot water just felt good and relaxing. She let the steam fill up the bathroom. She toweled herself off and put her hair up, going back to the bedroom to pick out a pair of sweats, and decided on one of Regina’s shirts instead of her own. There was a basket of folded up laundry that she recognized as mixed with both of their clothes, but she decided against rifling through it and risk having it all topple over and ruin Regina’s folding jobs.

She padded through the hallway into the study, where Regina was sitting at her desk, paperwork sprawled around her, several screens open on the computer, and her glasses propped up on her nose. She looked up when Emma came in, and gave her a careful smile. “Hi,” she said, standing up to greet Emma and bring her in for a kiss.

Emma gave a weak smile back, and fell into the embrace. When she did, it took a lot of effort to not fall right into those arms and go right back to sleep. “Hi,” she answered as she reluctantly pulled away, trying her best to give Regina a reassuring smile.

“You look a little confused,” Regina said, rubbing her hands up and down Emma’s arms.

Emma shrugged. “I just woke up and looked at the clock and saw how late it was. But I figured it out when I realized I couldn’t lift a muscle without a whole lot of thought and effort.”

Regina sighed, grasping onto Emma with a little more force. “I’m sorry you woke up alone. I just wanted you to sleep.”

Emma shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’m the one whose sorry.”

“Emma,” Regina wrapped her arms around Emma’s waist, and Emma responded by resting her hands on Regina’s chest, her head bowing slightly. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. We’ve talked about this. I’m just glad it happened here and you weren’t alone.”

“Still,” she said. “You didn’t get the sleep you needed, and now you’re missing work…”

“I have plenty of work to do right here. Besides,” she pulled away and went to sit back down at the desk. “I’ve been thinking about our talk yesterday, and you may be right.”

Emma’s brows furrowed as she looked back up at Regina. “Right about what?”

“About not so much as considering taking my mother’s case. I’ve been looking everything over.”

“You’re taking it?” there was an upturn in her voice as she asked, and it made Regina smile a little.

“I don’t know. I’m still debating. But I thought I might as well make as informed a decision as possible. I just…I don’t want to disappoint Zelena. Or you…”

“Regina,” Emma tucked a strand of dark hair behind an ear, noting not for the first time the little thrill go through her at seeing Regina in her glasses, which was rare and she loved. “You aren’t going to disappoint me no matter what. I just didn’t want you to do or not do anything that you’d regret later. I don’t know what’s happened between you and your mom, but I know you love her. But if you decide that it’s too much for you, I fully support your decision.”

Regina gave a toothless, sad smile, and nodded. “I know. I just need to not only consider my own feelings on the matter. There’s more at stake than that. But I know I promised to tell you everything, and I think maybe I should. Just…I’d like to let you rest first. Zelena says you should stay here today, have as little stimulation and stress as possible.”

Emma mulled that over for a moment before finally nodding in agreement. “Yeah,” she said, rubbing the side of her face with a hand. “I uh…feel pretty out of it.”

A calming hand was placed on her cheek, halting her own rubbing hand, and she leaned into it. When she looked up, Regina had that intense, doting gaze in her eyes. “Would you like me to make you breakfast?”

An involuntary cringe at the words made her stomach turn. “I’m not really hungry.”

Regina gave her an understanding smile and nod. “I know. You never are afterwards. But you should eat something. Even if its small.”

Sighing, Emma closed her eyes, and reluctantly nodded. A thought came to her just then and she looked back into Regina’s eyes. “Did I…? Do we need to…?”

Regina gave a little chuckle and shook her head. “This morning. Yes.” Then she squinted at Emma and pressed her lips together. “I’m blaming this one on the medication, but that isn’t the first time you haven’t remembered nursing while you’re half asleep. I’m truly not sure where you ever got the idea you are a light sleeper.”

“I swear I wasn’t,” Emma managed a smile. “I think it’s just you. For the first time in my life, I’ve felt like…I don’t know,” she mulled the right words over in her head, “Like I’m safe enough to really sleep, I guess. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

The rare blush that made a jolt of energy burst through Emma’s chest came over Regina’s skin, and she pressed their foreheads together. Taking a deep breath, she finally let Emma go. “Breakfast. Okay?”

Sighing, Emma gave in. “Yeah, okay. Something small though. Please?”

Regina took Emma’s hand gently, and brought it up to her mouth, kissing the knuckles. “Anything for you.”

They walked into the kitchen, where Emma could see Zelena sitting on the dining room table, talking on the phone and writing notes in a book. “Oh, trust me, darling, you are _not_ the first person in the world to consider leaving your husband…” she was saying into the phone, her tone so jovial that if Emma didn’t know better, she’d think she was on the phone with a close friend. Her eyes met Emma’s, and she blew a kiss and winked Emma’s way. She gave a little wave in response as she was led into the kitchen, where Regina began pulling out sourdough bread to toast.

“Have you talked to her yet about the case?” Emma asked quietly as she poured herself a mug of coffee.

Regina didn’t look at her as she busied herself with the food. “Zelena and I have had plenty of talks. Mainly it’s been her lecturing me on uninviting Mother to Christmas.”

Emma’s eyes bugged out and she gaped at Regina, coffee forgotten in her hand. “You did what?”

A tiny sigh came out of Regina, and she finally looked at Emma. “I promised to tell you everything, and I’m hoping once I do, this will all make more sense. And quite honestly, I should have done it days ago. I just…it’s very hard for me to talk about.”

Emma stood studying Regina for a moment. She didn’t want to say what was going through her mind, that plenty of her anxiety had to do with the very fact that something was off about Regina and that worried her. She was afraid that if she did, Regina was going to blame herself for what happened last night. Dozens of scenarios were reeling through her mind as to what could be so horrible that Regina wouldn’t want to see her mother for the holidays, and that wasn’t helping either.

She must have been silent for too long, because Regina stopped what she was doing, and came to take Emma around the waist. Tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, she leaned in and kissed Emma sweetly on the cheek. “I’m sorry, Emma. I can only imagine how confusing this is for you. I didn’t mean for it to be this way. I didn’t mean to create such a mystery around all of this.”

“Am I interrupting something?” Zelena asked, no concern in her voice as to whether not she was, coming in and topping off her coffee mug.

“Usually,” Regina mumbled under her breath as the two of them pulled apart.

“Hello, Little Dove!” Zelena sang as she ignored Regina and gave Emma a peck on the cheek.

Zelena stayed throughout the morning, filling out forms and talking to patients on the phone. When she was done, she took Emma into the living room and practiced some breathing exercises, and also had Emma do some strange meditation where she had to picture a calm place that she could go to when she was struggling.

Emma, for her part, had a hard time realizing how these things were supposed to help her, as when she had flashbacks, she was completely out of control, and didn’t even remember them after they happened.

“They aren’t so much for when the flashbacks happen, as they are for you to avoid them in the first place. If you practice breathing and meditation, you can really help yourself deal with your stressors, which are usually what bring them on.”

Emma felt a rock hit the pit of her stomach, because since she woke up, she was starting to piece together a pattern of what would set her off. And it was a conversation she was going to need to have with Regina.

When Zelena left, it was with the promise of coming back later that evening with August so that the four of them could have dinner. Regina didn’t seem as delighted with the idea as Emma was. Emma asked her why, and she sighed. “I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Well, maybe you could use the break to spend some time with people.”

Giving Emma a smile, she cupped her hand over Emma’s cheek, and leaned in for a small kiss. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

Emma shrugged. “Okay. Kind of…my chest feels…cold?” Regina’s brows furrowed, and Emma felt her hand stiffen just slightly. “I don’t know. It’s kind of hard to explain. It feels like there’s this chill inside my chest that could break any moment and make it hard to breathe.”

At that, Regina lowered her hand to grab Emma’s. “How about a bath?”

A smile tucked up on Emma’s lips. “With you?”

Throwing her head up to the ceiling, Regina released a sigh. “God yes. I could use it.”

Once the tub was full, Regina sat and rested her head on the bath lip, pulling Emma down in between her legs. Emma rested her back against Regina’s chest, and let her arms float on the top of the water as Regina started rubbing up and down her thighs absentmindedly. She sighed, and Emma could practically hear Regina close her eyes. She dipped her hands under the water and searching for Regina’s, wrapping those steady arms around her as she leaned her head back.

She felt Regina lean in towards the shell of her ear, nuzzling her nose there and breathing her in. “I missed my Little One today,” she murmured, a feather kiss being placed just below, and Emma couldn’t help the shiver that went down her spine.

She giggled and curled into the tickle, squeezing Regina’s hands tightly. “I’m sorry,” she sighed.

Regina laughed lightly, undoing one of their hands to bring it up and tuck wet strands of Emma’s hair away from her face. “You never have to apologize for your headspace.” Her voice was still light, and she rested her chin on Emma’s shoulder. “I think I just have been a little emotionally needy the past couple of days,” she mused, her voice still light, which made Emma feel much better about the conversation.

“I know,” she replied. “Actually…it’s um…” there was silence for a minute as Regina waited, and Emma dragged the words out of herself with as much courage as she could muster. “It’s hard for me to feel little when I’m worried about you.”

The tone in Regina’s voice changed immediately, and Emma felt the arms and legs around her tighten. “God, I’m sorry, Emma,” Regina’s voice vibrated against Emma’s shoulder, going right down into her chest. She let the feeling consume her. “I don’t want you worrying.”

“Regina,” Emma turned around as best she could, searching for the dark eyes she knew were heavy with exhaustion. “If you think you can always protect me from worrying about you, then you and I need to have a serious conversation. It’s my job to care when you’re stressed or hurt.”

There was a long pause. “I know,” Regina finally admitted. “But that’s hard for me.”

“Why?”

Again, there was a long pause, and before Regina answered, she placed a light kiss on Emma’s shoulder. “I guess I’m just used to protecting you.”

“I’ve protected you plenty. I think you just choose not to admit it.”

There was silence for a moment, and Emma imagined that Regina was going through all the times in her mind when it was painfully obvious that she didn’t want to say goodbye, or when she was scared about how Emma was handling something, or when she talked about her family and needed Emma to guide the conversation elsewhere. She felt Regina raise her chin from her shoulder, and instead rested her forehead against the back of Emma’s skull.

“Are you not talking to me about your mom because you’re trying to protect my feelings and keep me from worrying about you?”

At that, Regina’s head raised, and the answer was immediate. “No. Not at all.”

Emma nodded. “Then you’re not talking about it because it’s hard to talk about. Promise that’s the only reason?”

“I do,” Emma could hear the shaking in Regina’s voice, and immediately knew that there was a lump forming in her throat, making it hard to get the words out. “I can’t explain it very well. There’s so much…I never talk about it. Not even with Zelena.”

Emma took hold of Regina’s arms again and wrapped them around her snuggly. “I understand. I do. I don’t think I need to explain to you how hard it always is for me to talk about things. Especially my childhood. But I think you really need to talk about it. And I…” Emma bit her lip and braced herself for Regina’s reaction. “…I’ve noticed that the last two flashbacks I’ve had came right after I was really worried about you.” As she suspected, Regina’s body froze behind her, and she quickly added: “I mean, there were other stressors happening, definitely. Storybrooke was stressful because I was meeting your family, and I’m not used to traveling in general. But I had been really worried about your health from nursing. I wasn’t prepared for it. And now…this time…I’ve been thinking about what could be wrong for days now. I obviously have other stuff happening. The housing thing has been really stressful. But me worrying about you definitely plays a part in it. And I think…I’ve been so worried about what’s wrong. It’s just added to it.”

Regina was quiet for a long time before Emma heard a breath leave her indicated she was about to speak. “I haven’t been fair. I always tell you we need to talk out our feelings, but I’ve been shutting down about this. I’m sorry, Emma.”

Emma leaned her head back and nuzzled into Regina’s cheek with her own. “No, it’s okay,” she soothed. “I can tell this is hard for you. You’ve been up front about us needing to talk and you needing time. And I’m really not trying to guilt you about it. I promise. I’m just telling you what I see. It’s clearly not the only cause. God knows I have other issues, and more than anything, you help me and keep me feeling safe and calm. But I think it’s a factor, and it’s one that out of all the other stuff going on, we can control. And it’s just because I care about you so much, and I do worry about you. I just…wanted you to know. I think when I worry about you, it plays a role.”

Regina met Emma’s gesture, and their cheeks touched. Emma could feel Regina breathe her scent in slowly, her eyes fluttering closed as she did. “I can’t say I blame you. When I’m worried about you, I can’t think about anything else.” She took in another breath, and then started slowly. “You know my mother and I have issues. Personality aside, there are things that have happened that make it hard for us to always trust one another. And…” Emma waited as she sensed Regina trying to find the words. “This affair…it hits a nerve.”

“How so?” Emma brought one of their entwined hands up to the surface of the water, gliding the tips of their fingers along a pillow of bubbles.

“Years ago, she did the same thing when she was married to my father. Apparently, it went on for years before he finally caught her. It destroyed him. Those last years of their marriage weren’t exactly great, but once upon a time, they really loved one another. I remember them as a small child really having fun, laughing together. At some point that just…changed.”

Emma nodded. “Maybe they’d just been together too long?”

Regina countered with a shake of her head. “We always grow and change. I think they started changing and growing in different directions. He was much more focused on his kids and family, and she was more focused on gaining power. He helped her get elected her first time. He was so proud of her. They were a team. But somewhere along the way, that taste of it just intoxicated her, took over. She focused all her energy into it, and he just got left behind.”

“That’s why you two were so close,” Emma said, and she felt Regina nod again.

“I think he realized he’d lost Mother. So he focused on Zelena and me. And when Zelena went away to school, it was just the two of us.” She was quiet for a minute before she said: “It was Mother’s idea, to send Zelena to England. She saw in her what she didn’t see in me. Zelena had a bite to her that made them relate so well. She wanted her to get the best education money could buy. She wanted her to follow in her footsteps.”

Emma couldn’t help but laugh. “Being a psychiatrist is following in your mother’s footsteps?”

Regina laughed with her, and it was the first time Emma thought she sounded truly amused. “No, not at all. Up until she was a sophomore in college, Zelena had every intention of becoming a politician. When she changed her mind, Mother was furious. Despite what Zelena says, they don’t have the best relationship either. She’s just more interested in killing Mother with kindness than I am.”

Emma thought back to Thanksgiving, and the way that Cora chided Zelena and spoke to her in the same cold tone that she did Regina. The difference hadn’t been Cora, Emma realized. It had been the way that Zelena had reacted to it. She didn’t fight fire with fire like Regina did with Cora. She showered her mother with affection and smiles.

“Why did Zelena change her mind?”

Silence for a long time, and Emma could feel Regina’s body tense up one more time.

“I’m getting to it,” she said quietly, kindly.

“So your folks stayed together,” Emma said, moving the subject back.

“They did. Divorce wasn’t in the cards. When we were kids, Daddy knew that if they divorced, she’d take me and Zelena away. After we were grown up, I think she convinced him or scared him into staying because she knew it wouldn’t look good politically. So they spent years barely talking. Even so, when he found out she was having an affair, I think it was the last straw. Zelena and I were adults by then. Anyway, nobody outside of the family ever found out to my knowledge. She ended the affair shortly after Daddy found out. And that was that. So this new affair, if it is a new affair,” Regina sighed. “Her asking me to help her is a punch in the gut for me.”

Because she was loyal to her father, Emma realized. It made sense. Emma imagined she would be upset about it too. She was about to ask a question when she heard the front door open and the muffled sound of Zelena’s voice vibrated through the walls. “C’mon you two! I brought company, a tree, and loads of alcohol!”

Regina groaned and her head tilted back, making Emma giggle. “Come on,” she coaxed, standing up. The water fell down her skin and dripped back into the tub loudly as she held out a hand, and Regina eyed it wearily.

“Can’t we just stay in the tub and pretend they aren’t here?”

A loud pounding on the bathroom door answered her. “I’m ordering pizza. I can’t stand your ridiculous gourmet meals any longer. What do you two want for toppings?”

Emma’s grin widened as Regina’s face scrunched in exasperation. “I think that would be a no,” she laughed. Regina finally took her hand.

“There’s more,” she mumbled, but Emma just laughed when Zelena started prying her fingers underneath the door and singing: “ _Yoohoo! Love birds!”,_ and they finally dried off to join the living world.

Despite Regina’s apprehension, the evening hadn’t turned out half bad. They had plenty of pizza and beer, and broke off into separate parts of the apartment to wrap presents while August trimmed the new tree and set it up in the living room. By the time Regina, Zelena, and Emma had finished wrapping, he had managed to get the lights around it, and they were reflecting off of the windows looking down at the city.

Being on the top floor, Regina had cathedral ceilings, but the tree seemed to dwarf the living room considerably. Excited, Emma started stuffing her presents underneath until Regina stopped her and chided, “we haven’t put any of the ornaments on yet.”

By the time they had gotten most of the ornaments up, Emma was pleasantly buzzed, and she and August were beginning to wrestle with who would be rekindling the fire. Regina and Zelena didn’t step in until Emma began using one of the new pieces of firewood to hit August in the leg. “You two are worse than children,” Zelena scoffed as she took the piece of wood out of Emma’s hand and added it to the fire herself.

“He never lets me do _anything_!” Emma shoved August, who at that very moment had tried to take a sip of his beer. It dribbled down his cheek, and he responded by grabbing her around the waist and throwing her onto the couch.

Regina had been in the kitchen, and when she heard Emma’s screaming, she came running in. “What in the world is happening in here?”

In unison, Emma yelled: “he started it!” as August yelled: “she hit me!” and Regina froze, her eyes widening as she took in the scene.

“Oh no,” she said under her breath, barely audible.

“What?” Zelena asked nonchalantly as she turned away from the newly rekindled fire, dusting the soot off of her hands.

“We’re those people,” Regina muttered, her face seemed to be frozen in horror.

“What in the bloody hell are you on about?”

“We’re siblings dating siblings. Except you and I are the only adults,” she looked at Zelena, who just snorted.

“He’s not my brother. He’s an idiot!” Emma yelled, and the two began a slapping match right there on the couch. Emma only felt slightly ashamed when Zelena broke them up, and she saw that Regina hadn’t moved, but had her eyes closed and her fingers pressed to her temple like she did when a headache was coming on.

They wound down with a movie, Emma and August much more into the screen, while Regina and Zelena talked about tomorrow’s plans for Christmas Eve at the dining room table. Ruby and Killian would be coming over on Christmas morning, so it was going to be packed with making cookies and prepping for Christmas dinner.

“I won’t bore you with being my sous chef,” Regina remarked to her sister as she looked down at the list she was making. She and Zelena were sat at the dining room table. Emma could hear them from her place on the couch. “I’ll just have you make a few runs to the store. Emma can help me cook,” she said a bit more loudly, and Emma raised a thumb in the air as she continued to show August the game that Zelena had downloaded on her phone.

“Emma will be far too busy with all of her presents to be bored with that. Mother will help you.”

Emma’s ears perked up at the same time that Regina’s head snapped up to look at her sister. She saw Regina’s eyes narrow as she looked at Zelena, who took a sip of her wine as if what she had said hadn’t had any effect. “Mother isn’t coming. I told you.”

Zelena’s expression changed as she finally made eye contact with Regina, and the look was one of warning. “She is coming. Because of exactly what I told you,” she stated, unperturbed by the stare she was getting.

Regina didn’t respond at first. The two glowered at each other for a long moment, and Emma, sensing something was very off, covertly turned the television volume down.

“Zelena,” Emma recognized the tone very well. It was the tone that Regina used when she was about to put her foot down about something. “Please tell me you didn’t call Mother and tell her to come.”

And the tone Zelena used was one Emma had never heard before. It sounded dangerously like Cora. “Like I told you,” she growled, “I’m not letting Mother be alone on Christmas. And I’m not getting in the middle of your argument. That includes me not suffering by having my family split up for the holiday.”

Regina got up so fast that her chair nearly plummeted to the floor, and her voice was raised to the point that it wouldn’t have mattered if Emma had turned the television down. “You seriously called Mother and told her to come here?”

At this point, August’s interest in electronics was jarred, and he looked up in surprise. Glancing at Emma, she gave him a warning look that told him to pretty much pretend the two of them were statues so that they wouldn’t be noticed at all. She needn’t have bothered. The two sisters were glaring at each other so intently that Emma doubted either would register a bomb going off.

Finally, Zelena rolled her eyes, and got up herself, grabbing the bottle of wine from the counter and pouring more in her glass, topping Regina’s off as well as she spoke, “I made it very clear when I got here,” she scoffed, “what it was that you had to do. And apparently, you haven’t done any of it. So I took matters into my own hands. What did you expect?”

“I expected you to stay the hell out of it!”

Emma cringed when Zelena laughed in response. If anything was going to make Regina madder than she already was, it was going to be having her feelings turned into a joke. She suddenly wished that she were anywhere else in the world. But Zelena kept on goading her. “I believe this morning you mentioned to me that you are considering taking Mother’s case, correct?” her tone was taken down a few notches, and she sounded almost conversational.

“That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about!”

“It has everything to do with it!” Zelena finally yelled back, giving Regina a very Cora-like look. The one where she thought you were stupid for even insinuating what you had just insinuated.

“Explain that one to me! God dammit, Zelena. Why do you do this?” Regina reeled on her. “Why is it, that whenever anything comes up with Mother, you give me endless amounts of shit but completely let her off the hook? Why do you always, _always_ take her side?”

“I’m not taking her side, Regina. I’m trying to get you to talk to her!” By this point, they were both on their feet, only inches away from one another. Regina looked about ready to throw Zelena right into the fire, and Zelena looked like she was fully prepared for the blow. Emma was stone still on the couch, watching the exchange with her voice caught in her throat. August had his beer pressed tightly in his hand, looking just as enthralled, and it occurred to Emma just then that Zelena had probably told August quite a bit about Regina’s family dynamic from her own point of view.

“I do talk to her!” Regina screamed. “I’m planning on helping her with her goddamned case! Isn’t that what you wanted? What more do you want from me?”

Zelena had the guts to roll her eyes again and throw all of her weight onto one leg like a teenager. “For fuck sake, Regina, I don’t mean the two of you throwing passive aggressive comments at each other and barely tolerated each other’s presence for my sake. I mean actually _talking_ to her. I mean you two need to talk about what happened with Daddy!”

Regina’s mouth snapped shut about the same time that Emma’s jaw fell open. A strange feeling came up in her chest that had been unsettled there for a while, barely scraping Emma’s subconscious. For a long, terrible moment, the room was so thick that Emma couldn’t breathe, and the crackling of the fire was suddenly deafening to her ears. She watched the contortion on Regina’s face at the mention of her father; slow, twisted, breakable.  When she spoke, Emma could hear the fight in her voice threatening to crack. “I’m not interested in what she has to say,” she countered quietly. “She’s not sorry…”

“That’s not true, and you know it,” Zelena cut her off. “She is sorry. And in fact, she pretty much feels the same as I do about the whole thing. It sucked, Regina. What she did really, really sucked, and there isn’t an excuse for it. But she also payed dearly for what she did. Just like us. But the other problem is that every time she tries to talk to you about it, you shut down. And then she gets bitter because it isn’t easy for her to try to bring up, so she resents you for putting her in that place and then shutting her out. So then she’s on your level of hurt, and the two of you just go at it, and it’ll be the death of you both, if not me!”

The look on Regina’s face was unreadable. She stared at Zelena as if she wanted to punch her, run from her, hug her, anything to get her to not do what she was doing. But Zelena didn’t pay any attention to it. Her next words were much more empathetic sounding, not yelling, but they were gutting just the same.

“Regina, if I honestly didn’t think you could forgive Mother and you didn’t want a decent relationship with her, if I thought you genuinely didn’t care about her and you have no emotional attachments, then I’d let it go. I wouldn’t keep trying to glue the two of you together. I’d tell her to move on and I’d never mention her to you again. But that’s not what’s happening here. You do love her. And you hate her. Just like Daddy. And I don’t think you have a clue what to do about that, so you just don’t do anything.”

That strange feeling in Emma’s chest began bubbling as she recorded every corner of Regina’s face. A shadow ran over it, haunting her features.

“I don’t,” Regina’s eyes were brimming with tears now, and Emma could actually see them shivering on her lids, “hate Daddy.” Her voice was barely audible, but Emma heard them through the cut in her tone.

Silence again. Emma could practically feel August breathing with the stillness that was in the air. The words being spoken were starting to click something together in Emma’s head, the clouds starting to clear.

“Yes you do,” Zelena said, and not unkindly, but in a strange way that told Emma she really understood. “Not in the proper sense. You hate him like I do. You love him probably more than anyone else in the world. Even Emma and me. But there is a part of you that hasn’t forgiven him. I know that. Because I’m still not sure if I have, and I’ve been really trying. Dealing with it every day. You,” she pointed a finger in Regina’s face. “Don’t deal with it at _all_. There’s no way that after all the work I’ve done to try and forgive him that I still feel the way I feel, and you who has done fuck all to heal your relationship with him or Mother feels any better than me, when you have a bigger heart than I’ll ever have. So don’t you think for one single moment that even if I weren’t a psychiatrist worth more than a box of fucking donuts, that I wouldn’t know _you_ well enough to know that you absolutely haven’t!”

“Enough,” Emma didn’t realize she had stood from the couch until she felt her feet underneath her. Her hands were out in front of her, as if she could physically calm the air with them. And she genuinely wished they could, because Regina was standing there like a statue, the only sign that she hadn’t in fact turned into one was that Emma could see her shaking. “Zelena, enough.” Her voice was shaking, trying to keep her tone level.

But Regina seemed to reanimate at Emma’s voice, and she twisted to look at her. Seeing Emma there, she blinked, and then as the tears finally fell from her face, she looked back at Zelena with a defeated face. “Zee,” she whispered. “What do you want me to do?” When Emma started to say something, she put her hand up and quieted her. “No, Emma, it’s okay. I’m serious. Zelena,” she stepped forward and put a hand on Zelena’s face. They shared a look that Emma, as an orphan and an only child, knew she would never understand. “What do you want me to do?”

Emma was surprised to see Zelena’s own eyes were wet, and she realized it was the first time she’d seen Zelena look truly emotional since the morning they’d spent at Thanksgiving together. “I want you to start asking yourself the right questions about helping Mother. Right now, I think if you worked at it, you two could mend things. But if you do this, Regina: if you help her with this case without forgiving her for what happened, then I’m not sure you two ever can have a relationship. Because all this will do is add another cut in an already infected wound until it just dies. So please, before you even think about taking this case…please ask yourself if you can ever forgive her. Because if the answer is no, then you need to walk away. Completely. Right now. But if the answer is yes, then your path to forgiveness just reached it’s due date.”

Nodding, Regina pursed her lips and stepped away. She made a job of removing the tears from her cheeks, and she gave Emma a sad smile. Emma, for her part, was looking just a little lost. She had overwhelming emotions from how hard this was for Regina, and a rising dread looming over her as she was starting to figure out the answer to the questions she’d been asking herself for days now.

“I just got it!” August blurted out, his voice making them all jump. It sounded much too jovial for the mood. When everyone looked at him, he seemed to realize that he had just said what he was thinking out loud, and his eyes widened as he stuttered to explain himself. “I just…figured out why Zelena is the psychiatrist…and not…” his whole body seemed to cave as he put his head down. “…nevermind.”

Emma threw him one last filthy look before she returned her gaze to Regina, who was looking August’s way, but her eyes seemed to go right through him. Zelena, for her part, had an ironic smirk on her face as she sniffled.

“Your dad. He killed himself, didn’t he?” Emma asked softly, hoping that the very words weren’t going to make Regina break right there.

But she just took a deep breath and gave Emma one of her sad smiles, wiping away one last tear. “After he found out about Mother…” she whispered. “Zelena and I were both at college by then. He’d lived for us for so many years. When he found out about her affair…I think he just felt like he’d truly lost everything.”

“Fuck,” Emma mumbled, rubbing her face hard with her hands. “Regina, I’m sorry. No wonder you’ve been waiting to tell me.”

“I’ve been trying to find the right way…” her voice trailed off and Emma heard Zelena sigh.

“No right way to say it. None I’ve ever found,” she wiped away a tear quickly and gave Emma a smile that reminded her of Regina just the slightest. “Anyway, it isn’t all her fault. Sort of a family thing, really. We don’t talk about it. But I suspect that hasn’t been doing us any good, has it, Bun?” her voice turned up at the end, and Emma could tell that she was trying to lighten the mood ever so slightly.

“No,” Regina’s voice stayed quiet, her eyes not leaving Emma’s, who wanted desperately to reach out to her. But she was afraid to do it in front of Zelena and August. She knew Regina well enough to know that the emotions already on display in front of anyone but her was way past her comfort zone already.

“So,” Zelena’s voice kept going up, and she put her hands on her hips as she smiled at Regina, sniffling once. “What’s it gunna be, Bun? If you want me to call her and tell her not to come, I will. Just say the words.”

Regina kept her eyes on Emma; deep and dark, sadness but also what looked a little like fear. Emma realized she was being studied. Regina was checking her features to see if she was upset or angry, maybe even felt resentful. Emma didn’t feel any of that. All she felt was a heaviness in her chest, and sorry for Regina. She knew just by the way Regina’s voice changed when she talked about her father that he held a special place in her heart. Regina had mentioned that he had been her only constant friend as a child. She was completely devoted to him despite his absence. To hear that she had lost him in such a terrible way was devastating.

“No,” Regina finally broke contact, turning back to Zelena. Her voice was shakier than Emma had ever heard it. “Don’t call her. She can come.”

Zelena gave a complicated smile; one that said she was happy to hear it, but also understood the implications that came with the decision. If Regina was going to take the case, if she was going to try and forgive Cora, that meant the two of them were going to have some very hard conversations that holiday. Two people who never talked about anything at all were going to have to find a way to hash this whole thing out.

“Awesome!” August exclaimed, jumping up from the couch and stretching. “More presents.”

“Fucking hell, August,” Emma whispered under gritted teeth.

They left shortly after, Zelena making short work of telling her and Regina to get some rest and do some talking while she and August had their own fun. That comment was the last thing Emma wanted to hear after the evening of wonderful information she had just retained, so she managed to kick them out even quicker than they were trying to leave.

Regina had already found her way down the hall, and Emma took a few minutes to clean up the beer bottles, wine, and paper plates from the pizza as she gathered her thoughts.

When she finally made it down the hallway, she stopped in the doorway of Regina’s bedroom. Regina was sitting at the foot of the bed, elbows resting on her knees, staring down at nothing. She had a blank expression on her face, and though her eyes were red, her cheeks were dry.

“Hi,” Emma said.

Regina looked up, and Emma could have sworn that her face brightened ever so slightly at the site of Emma there, but it fell quickly. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Emma found herself shaking her head and moving forward, coming to crouch down in front of Regina. “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

Sniffling once, Regina gave her a sad smile. “No. I should have told you a long time ago. Zelena is right; we don’t talk about it. _I_ don’t talk about it. But I should have told _you_.”

“Do you want to talk about it now?”

A little laugh came out of Regina, and Emma recognized it as nerves. She raised a hand and brought it to Emma’s cheek, smoothing her thumb on the skin there. “I have absolutely no idea how to even breech the subject with my Mother. This will be an interesting Christmas.”

Emma found herself smirking. “Sooo…does that mean I’m off the hook for ruining this holiday?” She danced her eyebrows up and down, making Regina give a genuine laugh.

“Just this once, we’ll blame the ruining of Christmas on me.”

Emma wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “Nah. Let’s blame your mom. Or Zelena.”

Regina laughed again, and she began sliding her butt down the foot of the bed, making Emma scoot back so there was room for her. She fell on her knees, and Emma immediately caught her around the waist as Regina’s other hand caught the opposite side of Emma’s face, and she leaned in to lock their lips together. The kiss lasted for what seemed like too short a time, before Emma felt Regina loosen her grip and take a breath that was colored by a little sob.

“You’re really not mad?” she asked, and the tone in her voice nearly broke Emma’s heart. She wrapped her arms around Regina tighter, and kissed her cheek.

“God no,” she said. “I couldn’t imagine what you went through, Regina. I get it. But Zelena is right; you’ve gotta start working this stuff out.”

She felt Regina nod against her. “I know,” she murmured.

“You just let me know what you need me to do. Even if it’s me pretending to be your mom so you can scream at me. I’ll be here. Kay?”

Regina laughed a little more at that, and she squeezed Emma harder. “That change in rolls doesn’t sound very appealing. And it would probably be the only scenario where I would ever scream at you.”

It was Emma’s turn to laugh. “Don’t jinx yourself. I’m always up for a challenge.”

Regina pulled away from their embrace then, and gave Emma one watery kiss. “Bed?”

Emma nodded. “Bed.”

“Good, because I’m exhausted. And we have a long forty-eight hours ahead of us.”

Emma tucked her lips in between her teeth, and looking into Regina’s watery eyes, she slowly grabbed the bottom of Regina’s shirt and pulled it over her head. Regina allowed it, watching Emma silently as Emma then unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor.

Never breaking eye contact, Emma stood, and gently took Regina’s hands to help her stand as well. Regina let herself be guided silently to the bed, where Emma lay herself down, and pulled Regina with her. A little smile curved Regina’s lips as she joined Emma, and Emma lay herself on her side, guiding Regina to lay next to her.

Placing a hand on Regina’s cheek, Emma leaned in and grabbed hold of those lips with her own. Regina’s tasted salty with the ghost of her dried tears, and she deepened the embrace to kiss them away. She felt Regina sigh into it, her hands finding Emma’s face, that familiar caress of a thumb on her jawline.

Emma pulled away, and tucking a strand of dark hair behind Regina’s ear, she whispered: “I love you.”

Regina’s eyes were black in the dark, sunken and red. Emma noted she looked beautiful even in the tears, and finally lowered herself down, latching on to Regina’s nipple.

She gave a slow, methodic suck, and Regina’s milk flooded her mouth. She could almost taste the heartbreak here, the flavor all her partner, magnifying the scent of her. Her hand hadn’t left Regina’s cheek, and she made eye contact with Regina, keeping hers clear and focused.

Regina looked down at her, a few tears falling down and being captured by Emma’s thumb, wiped away, as she turned to it and kissed Emma’s palm. “I love you too,” she whispered. “I love you so much.”

Emma’s hand pressed ever so slightly to reply, and she smiled up slightly at Regina as her mouth was still around her breast. They continued to gaze at one another as she nursed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, thank you to everyone for your support from my Author's note. It has been a really strange few weeks for me just trying to work out everything that happened in my personal life. I honestly would not have come back to this fic if all of you hadn't been so amazing and supportive. I was completely turned off from the internet and communicating in general. I'm a little like Regina when stuff goes really wrong. I shut down. This was the only forum I really dug into the feels of it all, and I was really nervous to do it, but I am SO GLAD I did. You were all so responsive and supportive and really helped me remember myself in all of the craze. So honestly, thank you.
> 
> A note about this chapter...there's going to be some talk (obviously) about suicide, but I'm going to keep that to a minimum as much as possible. I'm not going to get into details at all about it, just FYI. Too triggering even for me. The only thing I'm going to touch on is the feelings that those left behind get left with, but I'll even try to keep that at a minimum. It's all going to unravel as to why and make more sense. The focus will be much more on Regina growing as a person and making her relationship with her family, and Emma, stronger.
> 
> Anyway, the next chapter...it's gunna be happier. It's fucking Christmas! (this was supposed to be written at Christmas time, but then life happened hahahaha)


	27. Christmas Part 2

Regina felt a pleasant sensation starting in between her legs, and moaned. She was having a good dream; Emma was whispering to her, touching her so softly, making her skin come alive with a sweet buzz.

She felt lips on her jawline, right next to her ear. “Good morning, beautiful,” it whispered. Regina moaned again, curling into the voice as she felt the sensations grow, making her tummy feel warm.

She felt a strange whirlwind in her mind as her eyes fluttered open, and she realized she wasn’t dreaming. She was on her back, and Emma was looming just above her, kissing her neck, one hand massaging her chest. The other was hidden underneath her panties, giving soft, feather touches to her folds.

Regina opened her mouth to answer, but only a whimper came out, and her arms came alive, hands coming up to Emma’s face to pull her in closer. Emma grinned and dipped her head lower, latching onto a breast full of milk.

Regina’s back arched off the mattress, and she let out a sigh as a wave of pleasure ebbed over her. The feeling of Emma beckoning her milk and Emma’s fingers lightly caressing her clit took over all of her senses, and she felt herself spreading her legs further apart to make Emma’s job easier. “Good morning, sweet girl,” she murmured, throwing her head back as Emma’s suckling began a building in her stomach.

“Mmm…” Emma groaned as she unlatched and came up to lightly bite Regina’s chin. “Do you always get wet when I nurse?”

The question made Regina’s eyes fly open, and she felt herself turn crimson as Emma studied her face. Her green eyes being the first thing she saw that morning made her lick her lips in anticipation, and she saw them slightly widen in amusement as Emma arched an eyebrow, clearly getting her answer from Regina’s blush. “Interesting…” she mused as her fingers dipped lower, gathering Regina’s wetness at her entrance and massaging.

“Not always,” Regina mused. She brushed a hand through Emma’s hair. “When I can tell you’re really little…my mind doesn’t go there at all. It feels good, but…”

Emma’s mouth curled up in a secret smile that Regina knew all too well. It was the smile that she got sometimes when they were around other people, and they shared a knowing look together to remind each other of their own little world. It made another wave of pleasure go through her body. “I get it. When I’m little, you’re too protective.”

Regina smiled back, and cupped Emma’s face in her hands, bringing her down to kiss her. “Sort of,” she answered, and it came out as a little moan from Emma’s ministrations underneath her panties. “My feelings, they…don’t really change, but…morph? I don’t know how to explain it.”

Emma’s grin only widened. “You don’t need to explain it,” she whispered, kissing Regina once more. “I know.” She dipped back down, kissing down Regina’s neck. The heat of those lips against her skin made Regina’s head fall back again, and she sighed loudly.

“I thought I was dreaming,” Regina whispered, eyes closing as she felt Emma bite lightly at her ribcage, and a short gasp escaped her as two fingers plunged inside her, pressing deeply against her g-spot.

“You were…” Emma answered against her skin. “Moaning my name,” she said, kissing back up Regina’s body. “Clasping your legs together. It was really cute.”

Regina gave a huff of displeasure at that. “I don’t do cute,” she argued weakly, trying to give Emma a stern eye.

But Emma just smirked, and grabbed hold of Regina’s protesting lip, claiming her mouth with a hot tongue. In the same instant, she dove a third finger into Regina, making sure she hit the spot she knew was going to make Regina weak in the legs. “Whatever you say,” she mused, and Regina would have been annoyed with the cockiness in her voice if what Emma had just done hadn’t made her whole body completely melt.

“Oh, fuck…” she gasped, hands grabbing Emma desperately as she felt her toes curl. Everything she felt was all Emma: her skin sang her name, wanting more of her. Her cunt was consumed by those familiar digits massaging her walls so smoothly. The sounds her body was making only intensified the look she gave to the eyes watching her with that expression that said Emma was having way too much fun turning her into putty.

The realization woke Regina up just enough to realize what was happening, and she immediately grabbed hold of Emma’s ass, squeezing it possessively. The hitch in Emma’s voice made her smirk, and when they locked eyes, she couldn’t help but let her amusement rise; Emma realized that her time of teasing was over, and she was quickly losing control of the situation now that Regina was fully awake.

To seal the deal and remind Emma who indeed was in charge, Regina put all of her weight into it, and flipped them over. Emma gave a huff as she was thrown onto her back, and her little pouting face made its debut for the day as Regina chuckled and took her place over Emma’s body. A hand came up, and she brushed a thumb over that bottom lip.

“No fair,” Emma pouted, her fingers stilling just outside of Regina’s entrance.

“I know. My poor baby,” Regina teased, coming down to kiss Emma’s pouting lip away. As she did, she lowered her hips, and felt Emma take the guidance to enter her once more. She hummed against her lover’s mouth, rolling her hips to start a steady rhythm. “That’s it,” she whispered in Emma’s ear. “You know how I like it.”

“With you on top,” Emma smirked, shaking her head. “Even when _I’m_ fucking _you_.”

A little chuckle left Regina’s mouth as she rolled her hips once more, winking at Emma before groaning at the pressure building inside her. “Well, it is Christmas. Maybe Mama will give you a present this year,” she mused.

“You’re so soft,” Emma whispered, her thumb coming up to massage Regina’s swollen clit. It made Regina gasp, and the hand that was cupping Emma’s cheek gripped just slightly firmer, thumb still caressing the lips that had recently encouraged her milk.

As Emma’s fingers left her, they pressed against her spongy entrance, and the mix of the sensation and the massage of her clit made her clench down hard on the digits trying to leave her core. She felt a new wave of wetness escape her as she whimpered against Emma’s ear, her legs beginning to shake as she and Emma moved with one another.

Regina lifted her head, and she stared into the eyes of the woman making her feel so amazing. Her own widened slightly at the look she found there. Emma’s eyes showed desire and lust, but every other feature was softened, her bottom lip being tackled by her teeth. Her brows were raised in a questioning little expression, and even those lustful irises showed a deeper emotion under the initial glance. When she realized Regina was looking at her, she gave a tiny smile, one that was asking a very specific question, one Regina knew well but wasn’t necessarily used to when Emma was making love to her. It asked if Regina was proud.

Regina stilled her hips slightly, clenching her walls around Emma’s fingers. She gave a sharp intake of breath as they looked at one another, and her own smile spread across her face. “That’s it, sweetheart,” she gasped, body coming down to press against Emma’s, lips finding their way just behind the lobe of Emma’s ear. “You make me feel so good, baby,” she praised, her tone feather-soft. She felt a chill go down Emma’s body, and she brought her hands down to clutch at Emma’s ribs. It encouraged Emma to plunge deep inside of her, making her groan against the sweet smelling skin of Emma’s neck. “Yes…harder…just like that.”

It only took a few more thrusts before she was slamming down against Emma’s hand, the heel of Emma’s palm hitting her clit at a maddeningly steady pace. The buildup inside of her made her steady herself above Emma with a hand on the mattress, bunching the blanket in her fist. She stole several glances at Emma, checking on her. If Emma was slipping, she wanted to be there to hold her. But Emma was still in between, far more filled with lust than anything, eyes dark and far away, savoring the feeling on her fingers.

“Emma…” Regina called, free hand touching tenderly at her neck, her jaw. “Look at me.”

Emma immediately obeyed, giving Regina that searching look, asking if she was being a good girl. Regina couldn’t help the smile that came over her face as she leaned down to feel the pink lips of her lover on her own. Emma’s responded quickly, nearly devouring her, tongue asking for entry as their breaths came in short, ragged successions.

Regina suddenly released the locking of their lips to let out a cry as a certain spot came alive inside her. “Emma…you’re…you’re gunna make me come."

And against her ear, the sweetest little whimper shocked her whole body, freezing it into a moment of bliss. “I wanna feel it…”

All of Regina’s arms and legs clung desperately to the body they were against as she felt her peak hit her. The feeling froze around her, just for a moment, before her release tumbled out of her. Her throat emulated a pleasurable cry, inaudible praises escaping from her lips against Emma’s skin. She realized as the waves hit her that Emma was holding on just as tightly, her face buried in the crook of Regina’s neck, little whimpers mimicking her own pleasure.

Regina’s walls clenched around Emma’s fingers over and over again, the orgasm sprawling into several waves that forced her hips to buck against the source of her pleasure. She held Emma’s head firmly against her own as she gave her cries of release against a trembling jawline. Emma’s fingers curled perfectly, putting pressure on her g-spot and her clit, riding the pleasure with her, creating the perfect sensation at the end of her last wave of release. “Oh… _baby_ …” Regina breathed, kissing the salty skin on Emma’s neck, thumb caressing a soft cheek as the last bit of pleasure left her body. “Such a good girl,” she panted, almost to herself, clutching her walls against stilling fingers one last time as she shut her eyes tightly. She took a moment to calm herself and catch her breath, feeling Emma slip out of her, her arm wrapped around Regina’s middle, and the two shifted so that both were on their sides, facing one another. Regina rubbed a bare foot up and down the calf of Emma’s leg, thumb still caressing her cheek. And then Emma slipped her fingers into her mouth and closed her eyes, giving a familiar little grunt of contentment.

***

They had most of the morning to themselves, Emma doing her best to clean around the apartment as Regina prepped food and kept texting Zelena random things on her list to get at the grocery store.

“Emma!” Regina called to her as she was cleaning the fireplace of soot to make sure it was ready for the next morning. “Call Ruby and Mary Margaret, and tell them that everyone needs to bring their stockings. And make room for theirs on the mantle, please!”

Emma had no idea how she was going to do that. Regina and Zelena had already taken up the whole top with her own along with August’s. Now she had to make room for Cora, Ruby, Mary Margaret, David, and…

“Is Killian coming!?”

Regina came into the room, and Emma tried not to laugh as she saw flour sprinkled in her hair and on her clothes. “Shit…” she breathed. “I have no idea. Call her.”

“Regina, they won’t fit,” Emma grunted as she picked up her phone.

But Regina just smirked. “Get creative, honey,” she said as she walked back into the kitchen.

Emma had been called a few things, but creative wasn’t one of them. However, she made-due with what she had, even when Ruby texted her back that Killian would indeed be there tomorrow morning. And for the first time, Emma felt a little breathless at the realization that she was going to be in a house stuffed with loved ones for Christmas. She’d had several Christmas mornings with just Ruby and Mary Margaret, but this…this felt different. This actually felt like a…a family.

Regina found her standing there a few minutes later, just staring at the mantle and the tree with dozens of presents underneath. “You okay?” she asked, coming to tuck a strand of Emma’s hair behind her ear.

Emma responded by pursing her lips in a nervous smile, and she brushed off some of the flour on Regina’s blouse. “Yeah…” she breathed. “I just…I realized tomorrow’s kind of going to be a big deal? And um…” feeling Regina’s eyes on her in question, she felt herself blush. “I’ve never had a Christmas like this.”

Regina’s head cocked to the side, and one of her fingers hooked itself to the hem of Emma’s jeans. “Like what?” she asked.

“I guess…traditional? With a lot of friends and family?”

Regina paused for a moment, before asking: “Are you nervous about it?”

Emma shook her head. “I don’t think that’s the right word. Maybe a little? But mostly excited. And hopeful it goes okay?”

Regina finally smiled and she scratched lightly at Emma’s tummy. “It’s going to be lots of fun, and everything will absolutely be okay. I’m glad you finally get to have a real Christmas.”

Emma smiled back. “What about you? Are you ready for your mom to come today?”

Regina’s smile faded, but didn’t completely go away. She sighed heavily. “I am. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it. Mother and I have a lot to talk about, but I feel better than I thought I would about that. I think…I think I actually feel a little relieved.”

It was Emma’s turn to cock her head in question. “How’s that?”

“When my father died, I shut off,” she said, and Emma saw that familiar shadow pass over Regina’s face. The story that Zelena had told Emma at Thanksgiving came flashing back to her; when Zelena had wanted to comfort her, and Regina had pulled away. “For a little while, people tried to talk to me about it, but I wouldn’t go there. I did so many things to shut everyone out. Including…” she stopped, and Emma saw her gather herself. “Including finding new sex partners every week instead of staying in relationships. But also literally leaving the room or hanging up whenever Mother or Zelena tried to talk to me about it. After a while, it just became this elephant in the room. And that weight really starts to get heavy. Like the glass of water.”

Emma gave her a strange smile and furrowed her brows. “Glass of water?”

“Oh,” Regina smirked. “You’ve never heard that one?” She laughed a little bit. “Sorry, sometimes Zelena gives me her psychiatrist bs and it sticks with me. You know, if you hold a glass of water up, it isn’t really heavy at first. But the longer you hold it, the heavier it gets. Eventually, it’s the biggest weight in the world, and all you can think about is letting it drop. Anyway,” she shrugged, “it’s gotten so heavy. It’ll be a relief to put it down finally. Get all this out in the open. Even if it turns into a really bad conversation, just talking about it will be a nice change.”

Emma saw Regina’s eyes get a little misty, and she knew that any subject that stuck around her father for too long was bound to make that happen. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist. “I think the two of you will be able to work it out. You’ve said it yourself; you love your mom. And I can tell she loves you. Love goes a long way.”

Regina smiled, resting her hands on Emma’s chest. “It does. But it doesn’t go all the way,” she sighed. “Zelena was right, you know? About hating and loving someone at the same time,” Emma saw her swallowing a lump in her throat, and her voice became shaky. “You love them more than anyone, more than maybe yourself. But there is this overwhelming anger there. Anger that they could do something like that to you. Angry with them for not realizing the devastation they would leave behind. And then you hate yourself for ever hating them, because you know the only way they would have done it is if they truly thought you were better off, and that they must have been in so much pain, felt there was no way out. It’s the most complicated mixture. And it sits right inside you. Like an anchor…”

“Hey,” Emma called Regina back, feeling her slipping deeper into the sadness there, where she imagined Regina’s father had been living for quite some time. “It’s okay. That’s all completely normal. And I know you, Regina. You can do this. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

Regina blinked, and Emma saw her face shift as she composed herself. She lowered her hands and took Emma’s into them, entwining their fingers together. “How about tomorrow, we wake up a little early and have our own Christmas morning before everyone gets here. Just the two of us.”

Emma brightened immediately, and heard from the tenor in her voice that Regina has just unlocked a piece of the little one inside her. “Really?” she squealed.

Regina leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “I have a few presents just for my little girl.”

Emma bounced on the balls of her feet, and threw her arms around Regina’s neck, who laughed as she grabbed her to steady them. “Yes! Yes please!” she exclaimed.

Laughing, Regina pulled away and again gave Emma a kiss. “Hey, by the way,” she grinned. “You did good last night. You slept through the night with no diaper.”

Emma blushed at that, and bit her bottom lip. “Yeah,” she breathed. “I was gunna talk to you about that. I think…I think I’m starting to recognize signs of when an attack or flashback or whatever is coming on. I’d like to try and experiment. Maybe not wear them unless I’m feeling really stressed or like stuff is building up?”

Emma was surprised to see a huge smile pass over Regina’s lips, and she brought Emma in for a passionate kiss, rubbing their noses together as she pulled away. “Sounds like a plan. I’m really proud of you.”

Emma’s brows tightened. “How come?”

“Because you’re working through it. You’re listening to your body, you’re trying to find solutions. Like yesterday. It couldn’t have been easy to tell me that my shutting down has an effect on you, but you did it anyway, because you put your health first.”

Emma blushed one more time, a smile curving at the sides of her mouth. “Thank you. I’m trying.”

“You’re doing beautifully. In fact, I should use you as an example.” She squeezed Emma lightly before pulling away. “Okay, I’ve got a lot of work to do before Mother, Zelena, and August get here. Are you done in here?”

“Yes,” Emma said, straightening up into a salute position. “I’m ready for my duties as sous chef.”

***

It didn’t matter how much Regina had pep talked herself in her head, the moment she heard the door to her apartment open, she felt the pang of panic in her chest.

“We’re here!” Zelena called, and before Regina could even muster a response, she saw Emma zoom by the kitchen opening, then heard her sister laugh.

Following the noises, she saw Emma had grabbed Zelena in a bear hug while trying to push August away, who rolled his eyes and helped Cora out of her jacket. Regina wiped the water off of her hands with a dish towel, and mustered as genuine of a smile as she could. “Hi everyone,” she greeted.

When Cora turned to look at her, the two locked eyes, and Regina felt a slight rush of panic. She tried to swallow secretly, and realized that her mother’s look was filled with about as much trepidation as Regina felt. It melted her a little bit, and gave her enough courage to move toward her and lean in to kiss Cora on the cheek. “Hi, Mother,” she said. “Merry Christmas Eve.”

Cora actually seemed taken aback, and flustered, she said, “you too, dear.”

“Well, I tried to get the million things you asked for, Bun,” Zelena said as she expertly evaded Emma trying to peek into the grocery bags she was holding. “Hope I didn’t forget anything, because I am not going back into that insanity. Here, Dove,” she jammed one of the bags into Emma’s arms, who immediately started prying inside. “If you’re going to be nosey, the lease you could do is help.”

“Did you get it?” Emma didn’t look up, her face practically in the bag itself, and Regina bit down her amusement, trying to keep her adoring gaze at a minimum.

Zelena, for her part, rolled her eyes as she smiled. “As if I’d forget,” she said, and pulled out a giant candy cane from the bag she was holding, handing it to Emma.

Regina saw Emma’s eyes light up and grab at it as her own jaw fell open, and she scoffed at her sister. “Zelena! What the hell is that?”

Her sister gave her that family look that said she was stupid. “A toaster. What’s it look like?”

“Emma, don’t even think about eating that right now. We’re having dinner soon. You’ll ruin your appetite.”

It was as if Emma were a balloon and Regina had just let out all the helium. Her whole body sank down in disappointment.

“Oh, come off it, Bun. It’s Christmas!”

Regina sighed, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “You spoil her,” she mumbled.

“That’s my job,” Zelena said, and she couldn’t have sounded prouder.

“Hi Cora,” Emma said brightly, and Regina nearly jumped at the realization that the exchange had just happened in front of her mother and August. She bit her lip, and found it a little irritating how easily her sister was able to goad her in front of others.

But Cora didn’t seem at all confused by the exchange. She simply smiled and went in to give Emma a kiss on the cheek. “Hello, dear. You look lovely as ever.”

“I’m just excited to eat your cooking again,” Emma said, sounding genuinely excited, and managing to get a blush from Cora. Regina’s emotions swiftly shifted. She beamed at Emma, and not for the first time, felt herself luckier than she deserved to have Emma at her side.

Once everything was put away, and the three newcomers had finally settled in, Regina started emptying the grocery bags onto the kitchen counter, sorting out the items by different meals and when she’d need what. She felt a presence behind her, and turned to see her mother. She was standing in the entryway, her hair down in an unusually casual way. Her eyes looked tired, and Regina noted that she was starting to see the lines on her face deepen with age. A tiny pang hit her chest as Cora revealed a weak smile. “I heard I’m taking Emma’s place in the kitchen.”

Regina tried to match her mother’s smile, licking her lips. “If that’s okay.” Cora chuckled a little, reminding Regina of herself. She was more like her mother than she’d care to admit to anybody else, but it was harder to deny it to herself. “Mother,” she started, and then stopped. She sighed as she watched Cora waiting, standing rigid in the entryway.

When she didn’t finish, Cora nodded. “Regina, I’m sorry about last weekend.” She stopped and looked down at the ground, smiling an ironic smile. “I’m sorry about a lot. But truly, if I wanted your help, I should have sat you down and asked you kindly, face to face. I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that.”

Leaning back onto the counter, her hands clutching the sides of it, Regina nodded. “No, you shouldn’t have. But...you and I both know that probably wouldn’t have changed my reaction. I’m sorry too.”

Cora shook her head. “It’s understandable. You don’t have to apologize…”

“No, Mother, I do.” Regina cut her off and brought her hands in front of her face. She clasped them together as if in prayer as she gathered her thoughts. “I’ve blamed you for what happened for a long time, and that isn’t fair. I don’t like what you did,” she countered, making sure she gave Cora a slightly severe look at the mention of her affair. “It broke my heart, actually. That you could do that to Daddy. But…that doesn’t make you responsible for his actions. In the end, he made a choice. He had other choices, but he made that one instead.”

She felt a heated dread build in her chest when Cora’s eyes misted over. To try and take attention away from her brimming tears, she turned to the counter, and started sorting through the items. “Regina, I need you to understand that if I thought it was a possibility, I would have never…” she stopped. “Do you want to ask any questions about it?”

That awful sinking feeling hit Regina in the chest, and she actually winced. She wanted to try and move forward with Cora, but after only hours of agreeing that was what needed to be done, she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear any specifics of what happened between her parents. “Another time. I’m sorry, Mother. I need to take this piece by piece.”

Cora smiled a surprisingly understanding smile, which wasn’t something Regina was used to. “That’s okay, sweetheart. When you’re ready, I’d love to talk to you about it. I’m not proud of what happened back then. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it.”

“Me too,” Regina whispered to keep her voice from breaking. “But I mean it. I want to move forward. Zelena really made some good points to me last night. I’ve got to start moving towards forgiving everything that happened. Because I don’t…want to lose you too.”

Smiling again, Cora came forward, and for the first time in years, she brought her arms around Regina and gave her a genuine hug, one that was returned. It was a strange sensation; she remembered the feel of her mother, but the reminder was overwhelming.

“Every now and then, your sister has some wisdom to spread to both of us, I think.”

Laughing, Regina sniffled. “Yeah, she’s just really, really bad at her delivery.”

Cora laughed with her, and squeezed Regina’s hand once before letting go.

Regina couldn’t remember the last time she and Cora had a more pleasant meal preparation experience. Instead of condescending comments about her not doing something the right way, Cora gave Regina recipes that she used to make when Regina was young. Instead of gripping every knife in her hand and praying to keep her temper at bay whenever Cora spoke, she asked questions about spices. She realized that cooking was something that her mother and she had shared throughout the years, but never really shared together.

They spent a few hours preparing things while she listened to her sister, Emma, and August bickering in the living room about which decoration goes where and how many presents belongs to whom. At one point, Emma yelled: “Ew! Regina! They’re kissing again!” and scuffling until she heard Zelena break up the wrestling match that was surely happening.

“The two of you have managed to find a couple of feisty partners,” Cora sighed. “I’m hoping they both stick around this time. Zelena and you both need people who can keep up with you.”

Once everything was in place, the three of them left for the evening, and Regina found Emma sitting with her legs crossed underneath the tree, humming to herself, placing presents on top of each other. Regina leaned against the wall and watched her, smiling to herself. The lights from the tree made the living room seem as if it were aflame with candlelight, and Emma’s yellow hair glowed underneath it. She took a moment to just watch her, noting how beautiful she was. “It’s getting late,” she finally spoke up, Emma’s head whipping around, realizing she was being watched. “You need to be asleep before Santa comes,” she nodded to the chimney.

But Emma just shrugged. “Santa’s never come before,” she stated simply. “Besides, I’ve gotta make sure everyone has enough presents.”

A little pinch hit Regina in the chest at Emma’s first comment, and she was reminded that Emma had never had a real Christmas when she was younger.

“But this year, you have a Mama to make sure he does.” She crossed the room to the side table of the couch, and opened up the top drawer, pulling out a little box with a bow on it. “In fact,” she said, “you can come and open this present right now.”

As expected, Emma’s head snapped to attention, and she eyed the present in Regina’s hand before narrowing her eyes. “It’s not Christmas yet,” she said skeptically, though Regina could tell there was longing in her face as she eyed the gift.

Smirking, Regina shrugged, sitting down on the couch. “We had a rule in my house when I was growing up. One present on Christmas Eve. The rest in the morning. Besides, I have a game for you.”

Emma’s eyes stayed slanted, but a tiny upturn on her lips began to show. “What kind of a game?” she asked, and Regina noted the upturn in her voice.

Regina smiled. “We’ve played versions of it before. It’s called Colors.” She waited as Emma’s features clicked into place, and then she arched her brow. “Would you like to play, Little One?”

Emma’s eyes darted to the present before she bit her lower lip and nodded. “Uh huh.”

Beckoning Emma with a finger, Regina ordered gently, “Then come here, baby.”

Emma got up quickly, and came to stand in front of Regina, who handed her the box. Emma unwrapped it, eyes never blinking as she tore at the paper and studied the contents. A spark glittered in her eye as Regina asked: “Color?”

Smirking, Emma finally looked up. “Green, Mama,” she said, her voice ranging into a submissive version of herself, but staying above the surface of her Little One; playful, curious.

Giving her a patient smile, Regina held her hand out for Emma to give her the box. “Jeans and panties off, please. I’ll open it.”

Emma obliged, handing over the box for Regina to open as she unbuttoned her pants and shimmied out of them. Regina turned to rest her back against the armrest, and guided Emma to sit in between her legs. Emma’s back rested against Regina’s chest, and Regina wasted no time wrapping a caring arm around her, rubbing Emma’s tummy as she kissed the curve of her jaw. “Here’s how we play,” she murmured at Emma’s ear. “I ask you a question, and you give me a color. Do you remember them?”

A nod, and Emma answered, “uh huh.”

Chuckling, Regina nudged her nose ever-so-slightly against a blushing cheek. “Tell them to Mama, baby.”

“Green, yellow, red. Green is a go, yellow is a slow, red is a no.”

“Very good, darling.” Regina brought the bullet vibrator Emma had just unwrapped out and set it on the couch, forgetting it for a moment as she hugged Emma’s stomach and brought her other hand down between Emma’s legs. “What’s my boundary, Little One?”

Emma’s breath hitched as her fingertips met with the slick heat of Emma’s slit. She barely grazed it, massaging slowly around Emma’s folds. “Tell the truth. Don’t do anything I’m not comfortable with just for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re supposed to keep me safe.”

“And?”

“And I promised to keep myself safe too.”

Regina rewarded the answers with a small rub of Emma’s clit. She was met with a tiny whine that she felt in her chest from Emma against her. “That’s my girl,” she cooed, kissing Emma’s cheek. “Spread your legs, my love.”

Emma obeyed, knees bending, and another little whimper escaped out of her when Regina’s fingers circled around her opening, stopping just under her clit to apply a little pressure. “Blindfolds,” Regina said simply, and waited for Emma to catch her breath and understand the statement.

After a second, she answered: “Green.”

Regina began smoothing agonizingly slow circles over Emma’s clit, and a pleasurable hissing escaped out of her partner. Emma’s hands came up to clutch Regina’s arms, and Regina soothed her with a kiss to her temple. “Orgasm control,” she husked at the shell of Emma’s ear.

“Green.” Her voice was getting shaky. Another little whimper escaped her.

“Sshh…” Regina nuzzled into Emma’s neck, and took her free hand to spread Emma’s legs a little wider, giving her better access. Emma’s hand stayed on her arm, and she felt Emma’s fingers caress her skin. She couldn’t help the tug of a smile as she rubbed up and down Emma’s inner thigh. “Spanking.”

A little laugh then, and Emma cocked her head to give her a sideways look. “Green.” The way she said it was like she was saying _duh, green_!

She chuckled. “Just making sure you’re paying attention. Flogging.”

“Like…with belts?”

Regina laughed a little harder. Sometimes she forgot how vanilla Emma had been before she came around. “Not exactly, no. Let’s bench that one for now. Topping Mama?”

An involuntary groan came out of Emma then, and Regina felt her whole body tense before she released more wetness that Regina captured with her fingers. “Green,” she said. “You tease.”

Regina’s hand left Emma’s inner thigh and came down to swat the side of Emma’s butt. She felt a sting on her palm as Emma cried out, and came down to soothe the angry flesh. “Hmm…” she mused in a tone she hadn’t used in a while as she gently licked and nipped at Emma’s neck. “Don’t get too cocky, sweetheart. Talking back will do you no favors.”

“I’m sorry, Mama…” Emma’s voice changed completely as she begged, hips rolling as she did so. “I…oh…”

But Regina slowed her fingers and shushed Emma. “Relax, my love. You’re not allowed to come just yet. Anal,” she nipped again at Emma’s neck, and as she suspected, she felt Emma tense ever-so-slightly and pause before answering.

“Never done…yellow?”

Kissing where she had just bit, keeping her voice commanding yet gentle. “You don’t sound so sure. That’s not how the game goes.”

A pause. “Yellow,” Emma finally said.

She rewarded Emma by speeding her massaging fingers just a little. “Good girl,” she praised. “Getting fucked by The Queen,” she said in a tone that was very much said queen.

Again, Emma’s breath hitched, and she paused to look sideways at Regina, a little surprised but also excited, Regina could see. “Really?” she breathed, and Regina felt Emma clutch down where her fingers were. “Will you wear one of the outfits?”

Laughing, Regina brought her hand away from the warmth of Emma’s clit, and grabbed the bullet, turning it on and sliding it down to the soft, wet slit she had been massaging. The moment it hit the bundle of nerves there, Emma’s whole body came to life and started to shake. “Oh!” she cried, clutching Regina harder.

“Mama’s right here, baby,” she paused to soothe, relaxing Emma enough to continue. “I’ll take that as a green?” Regina kept her voice level as Emma fought to be able to answer.

Emma’s hips began to roll again, her legs visibly trembling. “Green…oh fuck…R’gina…”

“No coming yet, Emma,” she ordered, kissing up Emma’s neck before resting her lips behind the shell of her ear. “I want you to beg, baby,” she husked. “Tell me how much you want it.”

“R’gina…please. I need to come…” Emma’s voice was pitiful, but not quite desperate.

“But I like you this way,” Regina mused, again nudging Emma with her nose and inhaling her scent. “So sweet and powerless. My helpless little girl…”

“But…it’s Christmas,” Emma pleaded, and the reasoning made Regina laugh.

“I thought you said it wasn’t Christmas yet. Mama already gave you one present before Christmas. Remember you only get one?” Regina skillfully flipped a button on the bullet with her thumb, and she felt the vibrations increase. Emma let out a cry the moment it happened, and her legs really began to shake, hips coming up to gain friction.

“I can’t hold it…please. I can’t…”

“But you have to. If you come, you’ll get a spanking…” Regina warned, and smiled to herself when she knew all that was going to do was push Emma over the edge.

“Oh Jesus…no fucking fair…oh fuck. I’m coming!”

The moment Emma said it, Regina brought her hand down to crack against Emma’s butt again, and Emma’s mouth fell open in silent pleasure as her whole body tensed. Regina quickly brought her hand down twice more, and soon the muscles against her released as Emma nearly screamed in pleasure, hands clutching desperately, hips thrashing as she came. “R’gina!” Emma whimpered, the name getting caught in her throat, and Regina responded by spanking her one more time. “Yes!” the reaction was completely involuntary, but Emma repeated it several more times as she earned another spanking, and then Regina turned off the toy and put it aside, her arm coming around Emma’s spent body, her previously offending hand cupping Emma’s sex, who squeezed her legs against the touch.

It took a few more moments for Emma to be completely still, Regina petting her opening softly with her palm. When she was finally spent, she turned around, and buried her face into Regina’s chest, releasing a little coo as both of Regina’s hands rubbed up and down Emma’s back and the red flesh where she had spanked her. Emma’s hips were slowly rolling into Regina’s leg, and she smiled to herself as she felt it, hearing the little groans of post orgasm leaving her lover. She kissed the top of Emma’s head, smelling her shampoo, and letting her eyes roll back in her head in response to the sensation. “It’s time for your milk, babygirl,” she whispered.

“Uh huh,” a sleepy answer.

Regina was quiet for a little while, bringing a hand up to smooth Emma’s hair. “I wanna hold you in my lap while you nurse tonight,” she said out loud. “So I can rock my little one to sleep.”

She thought Emma had fallen asleep already, until she heard in the same sleepy voice: “I liked that game.”

And Regina chuckled. “We can play it again.”

“Soon?”

She smiled again to herself. “Soon.”

“Regina?” Emma’s voice was a little bigger now, even though her hand came to take hold of Regina’s shirt and play with it.

“Hm?”

“I don’t want be tied up…” Emma said, voice little with the admission.

Immediately, Regina’s hold tightened around the woman in her arms. She felt a little tremble against her, and winced as a flash of a little Emma fighting to break free from the suitcase came into her mind. “I know, sweetheart. I didn’t ask for a reason.” She leaned down to kiss the top of Emma’s head then. “Come on. Milkies and bed. Before Santa comes.”

Emma fussed when Regina made her walk herself down the hall and brush her teeth, but she made up for it by dressing Emma in pajamas. She didn’t bother to button her own pajama top as she found her place on the bed and guided Emma to her. Emma curled as close as she could into Regina’s lap, and Regina reached for Emma’s puppy blankie, tucking it into Emma’s chest as she rooted for a nipple. Once she latched on, she grabbed hold of both Pankie and Regina’s shirt, playing with the button there as she suckled. Regina, as promised, began to rock her, and hummed Silent Night into Emma’s hair.

***

It wasn’t even light outside when Regina found herself being shaken awake by Emma’s jittering body. She rubbed her eyes to see that Emma was straddling her waist, staring down at her with wide eyes. “It’s Christmas!” she squeaked, and Regina groaned, flopping her head back down into the pillow.

“Mama…!” Emma’s voice, she noted, was only slightly little, but it was still a treat for the morning. “You said we could have Christmas just us!”

Groaning, Regina nodded. “I did. But I meant when the sun came out, baby.”

“But it’s _almost_ out!” Emma argued, slumping her upper body down on top of Regina, who groaned again at the weight being put on her.

She giggled, and took advantage of Emma’s gesture, capturing her around the waist and turning her on her side. She looked over at the clock as Emma huffed her displeasure, and noted that it was almost six in the morning. It explained her heavy breasts. She smoothed a hand down Emma’s back, and shushed her whining. “Let’s have our milkies first,” she whispered, guiding a nipple towards Emma’s mouth. But for the first time, Emma didn’t take it.

“ _Then_ presents?” she asked, and Regina opened her eyes to see Emma’s were hopefully staring up at her. Regina would have reprimanded her for not listening, but it was Christmas. And as far as she was concerned, Emma’s first. So instead, she kissed the top of Emma’s head.

“You need to have your milk first, and then yes, we will have presents.”

Emma seemed to like that answer, and she latched on, eyes still looking up at Regina. And Regina saw right there that Emma was slipping further as she nursed. She wasn’t sure if it was the way she herself was gazing at Emma that was making her feel smaller, or if it was the nursing, or maybe a combination, but Regina wanted to encourage it as much as she could. She hardly ever got a very little Emma in the morning.

She brought her hand down to pat Emma’s bottom. “Good choices, sweetheart. All gone, my love.” As if saying she agreed, Emma placed a hand on the breast she was attached to, and began massaging, making Regina stifle a moan of pleasure. The pressure in her breast left her slowly, replaced by the relief deep in her tissue and the sensation of Emma’s gentle but insistent suckling. It always left her breathless.

When Emma had finished both breasts, the peace that always encircled them as they nursed hung in the air, and Regina took the opportunity to bring Emma up in her arms. She chuckled when Emma buried her face in Regina’s shoulder and sighed, slowly rocking them as they sat on the mattress. “Why don’t you go in the living room and see if Santa brought you anything in the night, hm?”

Emma finally brought her head up, and big, hopefully green eyes met hers. “Did he, Mommy?”

Regina raised her eyebrows, and shrugged. “I don’t know, baby. Go see,” she said as she tucked a smile into her features at the name Emma rarely called her. She preferred Mama, but every now and then, it was a sweet little surprise to hear _Mommy_.

Emma was up in a flash, and Regina laughed as she followed her down the hallway. She pivoted into the kitchen to turn the coffee on, looking out the counter opening to see Emma had found a large wrapped box sitting by the fireplace next to a smaller one. She stood still for a minute until Regina walked into the room and put a hand on the small of her back. Emma had her eyes plastered on the presents on the floor, her lips tucked in between her teeth. Kissing her cheek, Regina smoothed Emma’s hair down. “Go on, Little One,” she coaxed, and Emma finally knelt down to sit on the floor and take the larger present in her hands. She started to unwrap it as Regina went around the counter to pour herself some coffee. Emma pulled out a large stuffed bear in the shape of a pillow, and the second she saw what it was, her eyes lit up and she clutched it tightly to her. Regina chuckled. “Now you have a pillow to go with Pankie. Good for snuggles,” she explained, coming back to sit at the dining room table to watch.

Emma’s face was smushed into the pillow, and she murmured her thank you into it, looking as if she couldn’t bare to let it go. When she did, she got up and ran to the tree, where she picked up a present and held it out to Regina, who put her coffee down to open it. Inside was an apron that had “Mama’s Kitchen” stitched on the front. Regina started laughing, and reached out for Emma to give her a warm kiss.

“You always get stuff on your clothes when you cook,” Emma said, blushing as she pulled away.

“I do,” Regina chuckled. “I’ve always been a messy cook. Open the other one,” she nodded towards the smaller present on the floor by the fireplace, and Emma went for it. She nearly squealed when she found two new green pacifiers inside that read “Mama’s Girl”, clips to go with them, and a new pair of pajamas. Regina chuckled again. “Your paci was getting a little worn down.”

Emma was inspecting her new pajamas when Regina came down beside her and clipped one of the pacis to her shirt, holding the nipple up to Emma’s mouth. She took it and sank down on her bottom, grabbing her new stuffed bear pillow and sighing as she snuggled it. A little thrill went through Regina’s stomach at seeing her, and she knelt to kiss the top of her head. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” she whispered.

They had the morning to themselves, Emma slowly but surely coming round to a bigger side as she realized all of the things that they had to do, including getting ready and signing the last of their Christmas cards, Emma having to pick music and Regina needing to prep in the kitchen. By the time everyone showed up, the house was full of voices and footsteps, the smell of Christmas ham was wafting through thanks to Regina and Cora, and so many more presents were being put under the tree. Just before everyone finally sat down to open them, Regina saw Emma nervously wavering on the sidelines, just studying everyone in the living room. Coming up behind her, she put a soothing hand on Emma’s tummy. “You doing okay?”

She saw Emma swallow, but she finally nodded. Regina felt a little anxiety at Emma’s anxiety, wishing that Emma could just sit back and enjoy the day, but realizing that it was all a little overwhelming for her. “You want to go take a time out in the bedroom?”

Emma turned then and looked at Regina, automatically leaning back into the calming arm around her. “No,” she said quietly. “I’m okay,” she smiled.

“Come here, Dove!” Zelena called over David and Killian laughing about something as she picked up a present from under the tree. “ZeeZee has something for you!”

Regina saw Emma’s face brighten slightly, and she let go of her hold, giving Emma one last little squeeze on her side. “Go on,” she coaxed. Emma obeyed, and seemed to settle in nicely once Zelena put her at ease with a gift in her hand, having her sit down next to her on the couch as Mary Margaret started handing out gifts.

All of them sat around, and the tearing of paper filled the room. Cora tried her best to keep the paper in one area, but it was impossible with nine people unwrapping so many gifts. Emma had Ruby and Zelena at either side of her, and Regina kept a close eye on her, but she seemed to be doing well being distracted by gifts. Emma and August had gotten each other lumps of coal, and both were disappointed that they had thought of the same gift. However, August did one-up her by also adding a leash to the mix, joking that it would keep Emma from getting into trouble at work. Regina didn’t think Emma had ever blushed that red in her life.

Regina had given Emma a portable filing system for her to keep in her car. “That way, all of your client files won’t just be in a pile,” she said, winking. Emma had gotten her a cook book that read “101 Recipes for Chicken Nuggets” that had her rolling her eyes at Emma’s proud smile.

“Dear god, it’s about time!” Zelena shrieked, holding up a cashmere sweater and pressing it to her chest. “A man I just barely met who buys me nice things!” She leaned down to give August a kiss, and Emma knelt over her side to mimic vomiting on the floor.

Mary Margaret chuckled and nudged Emma in the side before handing her and Ruby identical small boxes. Emma’s eyes lit up as she and Ruby began tearing into the wrapping. Inside was a necklace and a note, and Ruby beat Emma at saying: “Hell yes!”

“What is it?” Regina asked as Emma looked up to smile at Mary Margaret.

“It’s asking if Ruby and I will be her maids of honor.”

“Can two of you do that?” Killian asked.

“It’s my wedding,” Mary Margaret shrugged. “I make the rules.”

Cora laughed. “Things certainly are different from when I was young. You kids have so many more freedoms,” she mused. Regina watched as Emma studied the necklace Mary Margaret had given her before Cora brought her attention away. “I have a little something for you, dear,” she cleared her throat, handing Regina a small, expertly wrapped box.

As Regina began opening it, the box inside sparked a memory inside of her, and she thought there was no way this was what she thought it was. “Mother, is this…?” but unlatching the box that fit in her hand, her breath caught in her throat, and she couldn’t finish the question.

“It is,” Cora said, sighing with a little smile as Regina stared down at the fountain pen, jaw dropped.

“I was going through some things in the attic this last spring, and there it was. Couldn’t believe it. Anyway, I’ve been holding onto it for you. I thought about you the moment I found it.”

Emma’s voice broke Regina out of her shock. “What is it?”

“Daddy’s pen!” Zelena exclaimed. “Mother, I thought it was lost…”

“So did I,” Cora laughed.

When Regina looked up at Emma, she saw that she was still confused. “It’s a Montblanc fountain pen. An old edition. It was given to him years ago by his old firm.”

“Twenty-years-service,” Cora nodded. “He loved that pen. Only wrote with it for special occasions. I think it’s only fair you have it, Regina.”

“They’re those pens that cost thousands of dollars, Em,” August said. “For fancy people.”

It was Emma’s turn to have her jaw drop to the floor, and the look she gave Regina made Regina laugh out loud. “There are _pens_ that cost a thousand bucks?!”

“That’s low-balling the cost of that pen,” Zelena laughed. “I’m the eldest, you know,” she gave Cora a wry smile, not serious with her jealousy.

Cora rolled her eyes. “Regina’s the lawyer. It’s only right she gets it.”

Regina could care less about the cost. She was holding one of her father’s most prized possessions, one she had remembered growing up as a symbol of who her father was. As rare and expensive as it was, he used to let her sit on his lap and practice cursive with it when she was little. He taught her how to sign her name, how to write a proper letter. She gingerly put it back in the case, and threw her arms around Cora, who laughed in surprise as she whispered, “Mother…thank you.” She felt Cora kiss the side of her head in response.

“Your dad was a lawyer?” Emma’s question broke up the hug, and Regina nodded. Emma started to smile, and she narrowed her eyes at Regina. “I’m going to make you write an autobiography so I can read it and maybe learn a few things about you.”

It was Regina’s turn to roll her eyes, and saying: “speaking of which,” she gave Emma another wrapped box, which turned out to be a journal with a nice pen of its own so that Emma could write things out when she needed to. That went well with Zelena’s gift of nice colored markers, and halfway into opening presents, Emma was well sated with gifts.

However, when Regina went to open Zelena’s card, she was stopped. “Not yet, Bun. Ruby…” Zelena called, and once she and Ruby shared a look, Ruby handed her own card to Emma. Regina looked confusedly at the two of them. “You two have to open those cards together,” Zelena explained.

So Emma and Regina began opening the card. There was a normal Christmas card inside the envelope, but when Regina opened it up, a piece of paper fell out. Her brows furrowed when she saw it was a form from the post office. “What is this…?” she asked out loud as she started to read.

“Holy shit...Rubes!” she heard Emma say the same time that it dawned on her she was reading a Change of Address form. Her sister’s New York address was written on the top where it read “Old Address” and under “New Address” was a street she was familiar with, and the city said “Boston”.

Her head snapped up. “Zelena…?”

“I’m moving home!” Zelena yelled with outstretched arms. “Archie and I are going to open up a practice together.”

“Yup,” Ruby said. “And we found an apartment together. Just down the way. So you,” she bent over to punch Emma on the arm. “Have no more excuses. Get off your ass and move your crap in here,” she gestured to Regina’s apartment.

Regina barely heard her. She was up out of her seat and tackling her sister on the couch. Emotions tumbled out of her as she latched on, feeling her sister’s arms go around her. Zelena laughed as a happy sob escaped Regina, and she let go to look her sister in the eyes. “Truly?” she asked, trying to stifle the tears, but it was no use.

“Yes,” Zelena smiled. “Fuck, you have no _idea_ how hard it’s been to keep this from you. Ruby’s far better at secrets than I am.”

“When did this alignment start?” Emma asked, the smile on her face clear.

“When Regina took you home from the hospital,” Ruby answered. “We all just started talking, and one thing led to another, and…we just started plotting.”

Emma turned to kiss Zelena on the cheek, who began laughing. “I decided I needed to come home and keep an eye on you,” she said to Regina, and then turned to Emma and pointed at her. “And now you.” She gave Emma a knowing smile.

By the end of the night, everyone had an arsenal of presents, and Regina and Cora had laid out a spread that had everyone in food coma. All seven of them left the apartment with great effort, their gifts and stomachs heavy.

Once the door was closed, Regina felt the quiet of the apartment, and gave a huge sigh. Her hand still pressed to the door, she looked at her wrist newly adorned with a silver necklace that Emma had given her. She smiled, touching it lightly, feeling her chest glowing. “Well,” she called to Emma. “I think we actually survived a holiday with no hiccups.” When she didn’t get an answer, she left the entryway to the living room. The tree was still lit up, glasses covered every inch of surface space on the furniture, bows and random ribbons were strewn in random places on the floor, and in the middle of it all, Emma was slumped on the couch, eyes closed and mouth partially open in peaceful sleep.

Regina tiptoed toward her, leaning over her and gently brushing a strand of Emma’s hair away from her face and behind her ear. “Hello, babygirl,” she whispered, barely audible over Emma’s even breathing.

Emma didn’t even stir, and Regina tore her eyes away to get ready for bed. She came back out from the bedroom with one of Emma’s new paci’s, and woke her with a whisper in her ear. Emma whimpered as her heavy eyelids fluttered a couple of times. “Sshh…sshh,” Regina murmured, helping Emma sit up. Hand underneath Emma’s arm for support, she coaxed the paci to Emma’s lips, who took it with seemingly great effort, eyes still closed. Once it was fitted around her mouth, she sighed and melted against Regina’s body. Smiling, she brought Emma up in her arms and carried her to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No update next week, as I've got a crazy week ahead of me. But I'll be back the Sunday after. I wanted to give you all a very Emma/Regina-filled update this time around as a thank you for everything. 
> 
> I feel like a broken record, but I just can't thank all of you enough for your support.
> 
> Let me know what you think about the developments here. There's still quite a road to go down, I think. =)
> 
> Happy Spring!!!


	28. Subpoena

Emma quickly checked herself in the mirror as she passed it by, the waiter leading her to a table where her target sat. Regina’s red dress hugged her hips, and she used it, giving her sexiest catwalk and a toothless smile to the man she was meeting. He stood up from the candle-lit table he was sitting at to ask her: “Emma?”

“Brian?”

He started laughing, clearly relieved, and she said so.

“Well, it is the internet….” He motioned for her to sit, and passed her a glass of wine already sitting at the table. “Pictures can be…”

“Fake, outdated, stolen from a Victoria’s Secret catalog?”

He laughed again as they sat down, and when he asked Emma to tell him something about her, she pulled out the first thing that came to mind: that it was her birthday. It took her a second to compose herself, and not laugh that such a random thought had come to her. It probably had something to do with a few of her Christmas presents at home that she was thinking about. Particularly the one from Christmas Eve.

He began asking her why she was spending it with him, and she didn’t exactly lie to him. She told him her truth from about a year ago, and asked him if she had scared him off yet. She knew perfectly well she hadn’t. Judging from what she knew about Brian Matthews, he was into a good time, and wasn’t super interested in the details that got him there.

He verified her beliefs with the next words out of his mouth, telling her she was beautiful and “sexy”. Gag. Who called somebody sexy in the first minute of a first date? A creep, that’s who. Emma already knew he was a creep, but something about meeting these guys face to face really hit it home for Emma. She thought about the last time she had came on to a guy in order to lure him into his own arrest, and winced when she realized it had been Peter Gold, a guy that ended up being her long lost foster brother.

_Okay, never thought about it like that before_ , Emma thought. _Talk about creepy_.

_Happy thoughts, Emma. Time to end this._

“Okay, your turn! No wait…” she put up her hands playfully as he was about to say something. “Let me guess. Umm…” she gave him her last smile for the evening. “You are handsome. Charming…”

“Go on,” he interrupted.

_Shut up_ , Emma screamed in her head. “The kind of guy who...and stop me if I get this wrong…embezzled from his employer,” she began to frown slowly as she saw little lightbulbs flicker behind his eyes. His face melted into a sneer when she kept listing off his offenses, and he finally figured out who she was. She could tell right away that he was going to run.

But not before spilling wine all over Regina’s dress. “Really?” she huffed, and turned to follow him, ignoring the stares she was getting from the other diners as she followed Brian Matthews outside to his car, where he was fighting with his steering wheel to peel out of the restaurant parking lot.

As she approached, it took everything not to smack him upside the head for ruining her girlfriend’s dress, but she kept her composure. “I can pay you. I’ve got money,” he said, panic-stricken, as he realized that his car was impounded, and Emma was looking at him unconcerned.

She wanted to laugh, because if that were true, she wouldn’t have been there in the first place. “No, you don’t,” she rolled her eyes. “And even if you did, you should give it to your wife, and take care of your family.”

His sneer was back. “What the hell do you know about family?” he asked.

Emma matched his look just then, and narrowed her eyes at him. This piece of trash actually had the nerve to pretend like he had a better understanding of family than she did? The guy running out on his wife and kids just to not be in front of a judge? Another pang hit her chest at the thought of a judge, and Emma shook off her looming dread of next week by grabbing hold of the guy’s head and banging it against the steering wheel. He slumped over, dazed by the blow, as she got her phone out and texted August. He was down the way, and waiting for her que.

She realized almost too late that she had let her guard down too quickly, because Matthews regained control of his senses, and jumped out of the car. Grabbing Emma by the hair, pulling her head back. She yelped as he growled at her, looming over her and breathing heavily. “Big mistake,” he hissed.

Gathering her wits about her, Emma brought her leg up and kneed him in the crotch. The pressure from his pulling let up instantly, and he felt to his knees, grunting in pain. She spun around him and put his hands behind his back, grabbing the zip tape that fit in her handbag, and bound them at the wrists.

August pulled up a second later, and when he got out of his car, he gave them both a weird grin. “You seem out of breath,” he mused, clearly mocking the fact that she had almost been bested by their runner.

“Shut up,” she heaved, grabbing hold of Matthews’ wrists, forcing him on his feet.

August grabbed hold of him and shoved him in his car. “Go on home,” he said. “I’ve got this.”

“No, I’m coming with you,” Emma began to argue, but August put his hand up.

“Emma, it’s freezing out here, and you’re in a skimpy dress that has wine spilled all over it. Plus, it’s almost ten. You’ve been running through for days now. It’s time to let up. The paperwork at the station will take forever. I’ll take care of it. Just go.”

Emma’s mouth clamped shut when he mentioned the amount of work she’d been doing. She hadn’t said anything to him, but the whole reason she was working so hard so late was because she needed to keep busy to take her mind off of what was coming that next week. The fact that he didn’t understand that annoyed her. At first. But just as she was about to open her mouth to argue with him, she realized from his face that he actually did understand that. He hadn’t forgotten about the subpoena. He just didn’t think she was going about dealing with it the right way.

She wasn’t sure if that made her angry, or made her feel bad. A year ago, she would have just gotten pissed, and the two of them would have had a blowout right there. But now, after what they had been through these past few months, she knew that wasn’t something she could do anymore. She could, she supposed, but it would come back to bite her. August would talk to Zelena about it, probably, if he didn’t just go right to Regina, who already had her suspicions that Emma was having a hard time with her subpoena. That was the last thing she needed. She didn’t want to worry Regina more than she already was. She wanted to at least try to show up to court, even if it didn’t feel that comfortable doing so. Regina knew that. They’d made the decision together.

In the end, she decided to let any anger with August go. She huffed. “Fine. See you Tuesday?”

August seemed relieved to avoid a fight, and raised his eyebrows when he smiled. “Aye aye, Capn’,” he saluted her, and turned to walk to his car.

Rolling her eyes, Emma started for her own car, and felt a chill in the air for the first time. She sped up and finally reached the bug, her skin rough with goose bumps. She blasted the heater as she drove. February in Boston was way too cold for this dress, and it didn’t occur to her until she had gotten to the bug that the restaurant still had her jacket. Screw it, she thought. She’d get it later. The sooner she got out of the dress and soaked it, the better.

Finally getting to the tenth floor of her new building, Emma unlocked the front door, and didn’t even wait to get in and close it before she leaned down and tore her heels off. Stepping out of them, she let out a huge sigh, feeling the cool wood flooring soothe her sore feet. She secretly thanked August for kicking her out of the game earlier than she had planned.

Closing the door and locking it behind her, she took note of a few empty boxes still in the entryway that she needed to take out and throw away. Emma didn’t have much stuff, but she was really good at procrastinating. Both she and Regina had been working so much, it was hard to finish at task.

The rest of her belongings had found their own place in Regina’s apartment… _their_ apartment. Her clothes were folded up or hung next to Regina’s, she had her own side in the bathroom now, and there was an extra work station in the office filled with Emma’s own office supplies and coloring books. It had been almost two months since she’d moved in, and the worry that things would change between her and Regina had been quickly dashed. It just felt like Emma finally had all of her things where she lived. And the best part was that so far, Regina didn’t seem to be getting sick of her.

In fact, the moment Emma made her appearance in the living room, she was greeting by a warm smile as Regina looked up from the notes she was reading in her lap on the couch. The eyes behind Regina’s thick black glasses twinkled at the sight of her, making that funny feeling in Emma’s tummy start. It never ceased to amaze her how she never got over Regina looking at her like that; like she was the best thing in the world.

But a second later, Regina took in the scene in front of her, and she arched a brow, eyes scanning down Emma’s body. “Did we have an accident?” she smirked, nodding towards her dress.

“Oh,” Emma sighed. “The dress. Sorry…”

But Regina’s smirk grew. “Sooo…the date didn’t go as well as you’d hoped?”

Emma snorted, throwing her hand bag on the end table by the couch. “Very funny. What do I need to soak this in?”

Chuckling, Regina put her notes aside and stood up. “I’ll take care of it,” she said, coming towards Emma. “Arms up,” she said, smoothing her hands down Emma’s thighs and grabbing the bottom of the dress. Emma did as she was told, and she felt the dress being pulled over her head.

Bundling the fabric up, Regina leaned forward to kiss Emma on the lips. Emma grabbed hold of them eagerly, and moved closer, putting her hands on Regina’s hips. “I love it when you wear your glasses,” she muttered when they pulled apart.

The rumble of Regina’s chuckle sent a little thrill through her, and it took every ounce of Emma’s energy not to grab Regina and throw her on the couch right there. Regina bit her lip and pulled Emma in once more, giving her a quicker kiss, and then bringing a hand up to lightly scratch behind Emma’s neck. “I love it when you wear tight dresses,” she countered, and pulled away to turn and walk down the hall. She was wearing a casual black and white flowered skirt that Emma loved because she never wore things like that.

“Even if that means I ruin them?” Emma asked as she followed behind Regina, noting how she was purposefully sauntering down the hallway.

“It just needs some baking soda,” Regina answered, and walked into the small laundry room in the corner of the apartment, just across from their bedroom door.

Emma came up behind Regina as she tasked herself with soaking the dress. She put her hands on Regina’s hips and leaned into her neck. Regina’s smell ran through her senses, and Emma tilted her head closer to nudge at Regina’s cheek.

She felt Regina lean into it, her body following suit and leaning back against Emma’s embrace. “Somebody’s very affectionate tonight,” Regina mused.

“Mary Margaret always reads those dumb Cosmos magazines,” Emma husked next to Regina’s ear. Just as she suspected, she got a laugh.

“I can’t wait to hear how thinking of Mary Margaret reading teeny girl magazines is going to pivot into you saying something romantic enough to turn me on.”

Emma laughed with her, and shook her head. “She read me this one article the other day talking about how six months into a relationship, you stop having sex every five minutes. And I started feeling really bad for the writer,” she said as she gently pulled the collar of Regina’s shirt down to expose her shoulder. She nipped at it lightly. “And anybody who could relate to it,” she added. “Because if I’m not making love to you, I’m thinking about it.” She felt a chill go down Regina’s spine as her lips caught the skin on Regina’s neck. “And I don’t know if that’s ever going to let up.”

Shakily, Regina breathed out. “I hope not.”

Emma smiled to herself, and grabbed hold of Regina’s hips harder. Whipping her around, she took Regina’s thighs into her hands and hoisted her up onto the counter near the sink she’d just been working at. Regina gave a little yelp as she was lifted, and wrapped her arms around Emma’s neck as Emma leaned in to claim Regina’s lips.

Emma hoisted Regina’s skirt up her waist as she kissed her, and her hand ventured into Regina’s panties. In response, Regina leaned forward, wrapping her legs around Emma’s middle and trying to give Emma as much access as she could. Emma heard the hitch of breath when her fingers found Regina’s folds, and she slowly rubbed them with the tip of her fingers as Regina pulled away and looked into her eyes.

Emma gave her a soft smile, but as her fingers felt the sensation of Regina against them, she noticed that she was being studied. Regina was pulling her in a little closer, mouth open and breathing uneven, eyes alight with the sight of her. But behind them was something else, something that looked a little sad.

“What is it?” Emma asked, more seriousness in her tone than before.

Regina’s eyes flickered, and Emma could tell she had been hoping that whatever was going on behind those eyes wasn’t noticeable. She saw Regina swallow.

“What?” she repeated, and stilled her fingers.

Regina’s hand was on her face then, and she gave a little smile. “I…miss you.”

Emma blinked in surprise, and immediately mimicked her partner’s expression. Looking at Regina, she could see she was tired, eyes sunken just slightly behind those black rims. She’d been working like crazy trying to help her mom, trying to talk to Judge Preston about keeping Emma out of the courtroom after she’d received her subpoena, and all of that on top of her usual workload. Emma, for her part, had been working herself ragged trying not to think about the subpoena at all. Add Emma and Ruby helping Mary Margaret with the ever-approaching wedding as her bride’s maids, and Regina helping her sister move and get acclimated back into Boston, and they seemed to be seeing less of each other now that they were living together than they had before.

The thought made Emma finally smile, and she leaned forward to kiss Regina’s lips, softly. “I miss you too. I’m thinking about you,” she whispered, fingers inside of Regina’s panties flattening and she rubbed Regina’s opening with an open palm. Regina’s hips slightly ground down at the motion. “All the time.”

That made Regina smile back, and she held Emma’s face in her hands, the pads of her thumbs rubbing Emma’s cheeks. “Then let’s ditch everything this weekend. Just be together. Not even leave the apartment.”

Emma cocked an eyebrow. “Ever?” She rubbed just slightly harder, and Regina answered by rushing forward and grabbing Emma’s lips with her own. Her bottom came slightly off of the counter, and Emma took advantage of the situation by dipping one soaked finger into Regina’s waiting walls. The smooth, hot feeling of her was calming, Emma feeling almost drunk with how good it felt.

“Not once,” Regina husked, pressing their forehead’s together as she clenched her walls around Emma’s finger.

It sounded good. Emma didn’t have any huge commitments that weekend. She had planned to do some more work, but none of it was pressing. If Regina really planned on canceling a plan she had with her sister, she’d be up for putting off any hunting. But that in itself left a little anxiety inside her. She’d been working long hours to distract herself. Not being so distracted would mean she’d start thinking about being in that courtroom on Monday.

Regina had been furious when Archie’s letter had been overruled. He hadn’t thought it was a great idea for Emma to be questioned about her history with the Gold family in a court room. She was still chin deep in her recovery of all of the trauma. But Gold’s lawyer, McCann, had fought tooth and nail, and somehow had convinced the judge that putting Emma on the witness stand had been a good idea. Regina had wanted to fight back, but Emma asked her to drop it. She wasn’t as angry about it as Regina seemed. She was working hard to play it off that there wasn’t anything to be worried about. She could handle a few questions. She was sure of it. She could…

“Hey.”

She snapped out of her spiral when she felt a gentle hand underneath her chin. The soft voice called to her, and she focused on the dark eyes it belonged to. Her body had still been in motion while her mind was frozen around those thoughts, and she had been moving in and out of her lover without realizing she’d left. When she centered on Regina’s face, she felt herself blinking again.

“Where are you?” she heard Regina murmur.

“Right here with you,” Emma snapped back immediately, and claimed Regina’s mouth. If a distraction was what she needed, then the woman she was inside was the perfect place for her.

She added another finger, and heard the reaction in the sigh that escaped her partner, who pulled her closer and wrapped her arms around Emma’s neck. Her lips brushed the shell of Emma’s ear, and she knelt lower to nip at Emma’s earlobe. “Is this where you want me, baby?”

Emma let out a little gasp at the words, and swallowed down a particular ache between her legs. “I like you like this,” Emma murmured.

“How’s that?” Regina answered, her tone morphing back to the coyness Emma loved so much, but she also knew where this game was going to lead.

“Pinned on the counter,” she answered, and as she suspected, a genuinely amused chuckle came out of Regina.

“You think I’m pinned here, darling?”

Emma groaned, and pushed inside of Regina’s walls with more force, reveling in the gasp that she got in answer. Regina was teetering on really wanting to take control, and really really enjoying how Emma was making her feel. The only thing that was going to make her feel even better was if she managed to flip Emma back into submission, and Emma wanted to make Regina feel as good as she could possibly feel. But she also wanted her to work for it.

“For now,” she grunted, pressing up against the spot that always made Regina’s legs tremble.

Regina quickly composed herself once she got used to the sensation. “And what if,” she whispered into Emma’s ear, “I wanted to peg you against the dining room table, and fuck you with the feeldo from behind?”

The groan that escaped Emma answered for her, and before Emma could grab hold of the situation, Regina’s hand was firmly on her wrist, stilling her fingers inside. Emma let out a little whimper at her hand being pulled from the warmth there, but didn’t have time to dwell on it as Regina hopped down from the counter and turned Emma around. She pressed her chest firmly against Emma’s back, and the two of them stood feeling each other breathe heavily. Regina let go of Emma’s wrist then, and instead, intertwined their fingers as she wrapped an arm around Emma’s middle. She felt Regina laugh again, her breath tickling the back of Emma’s neck. “You’re already half naked,” she mused.

Emma managed to turn around again, and was about to take control of the situation, but Regina was two steps ahead of her. She grabbed Emma’s chin possessively, and backed her against the wall, claiming Emma’s lips with her own. Emma felt her legs spread immediately as a hand cupped her sex, even though she fought for dominance with the passion in her kiss. Regina pulled her lips away, and gave Emma a knowing look. “We’re playing that game again, are we?”

Emma bit her lip at the tone Regina used: gentle and demanding all at once, but clear with its intention. She was in charge here. “Why not?” she said defiantly.

Regina gave a low chuckle, and pushed further against Emma, her hand beginning to rub against Emma’s sensitive skin below. “Because you won’t win,” she mused near the shell of Emma’s ear, continuing to pet her as she bit down on Emma’s neck.

Groaning again, Emma found her arms were wrapping around Regina’s neck. “You said I could top you,” she said in a little pleading voice, and it earned her a laugh from the one holding her.

“That isn’t exactly what was said, was it? Mama said _maybe_ one day.”

Jutting her lip out, Emma gave Regina a defeated look, but couldn’t help smiling behind it. Regina responded by giggling as she ventured her fingers under Emma’s panties. Emma’s breath hitched as she felt the smooth fingers slick over her opening, and she felt herself turning slightly pink when Regina’s eyes went dark at finding the wetness already clearly there.

That look always did Emma in; when Regina’s features slackened, and her eyes shifted to that animalistic hunger. She melted into a puddle at the very sight of it, and couldn’t for one moment pretend she was anything but truly under the gentle thumb of her partner, who smiled slightly at the noticeable change in Emma’s demeanor. “ _There’s_ my good girl,” Regina purred, leaning forward to nip at Emma’s bottom lip.

Emma’s breathing turned ragged, and she involuntarily moved her hips to force friction between her sex and Regina’s fingers, who obliged more readily than usual. She was clearly more far gone in her want of Emma right then, which suited Emma just fine. Even so, she found herself pleading. “I’ll be good,” she whimpered as her arms clung to Regina’s neck. “I’ll be good, Mama. Please, just…”

A low growl answered her, and Emma felt herself being lifted and shifted towards the counter top she had just had Regina on. Her panties were swiftly yanked down her legs, and once rid of them, Emma wasted no time wrapping them around Regina’s middle, who held Emma in place with a firm hand on her thigh. The other was back in between Emma’s legs, and Emma felt them gliding over her sensitive skin, her clit and opening already swollen in anticipation. Regina clearly felt it, because her eyes got even darker, her jaw tightening as she claimed Emma’s mouth. Emma moaned against it as she felt herself being filled up, strong digits rubbing her walls and relieving the ache she’d been feeling.

Her lips let go of Regina’s in a little cry as she felt her partner’s free hand grab hold of her bottom and firmly scoot it closer, grabbing hold of the flesh there and not letting go. She dug her heels in Regina’s back harder, who bit down on Emma’s shoulder and then pulled away to lick the spot. “That’s it, baby,” she praised. “Let me hear you.”

“I want you to make me come,” was the first thing she could think of. Was the _only_ thing she could think of, and she realized that spending a weekend in the apartment just her and Regina was probably going to work out just fine.

“I will,” Regina murmured against Emma’s ear. “If you behave.” The little upturn in her voice made Emma whimper again, and she felt herself squeezing Regina even tighter.

“I’m being good,” she protested, eyes searching for Regina’s, who arched a brow at her.

“Are you? I didn’t hear you ask nicely.”

Emma set her jaw, trying to ignore the feeling of Regina’s fingers inside her that were threatening to make her shudder out a moan of pleasure so that she could argue. “I said please,” she answered in a more petulant voice than she had intended. She was far too turned on to not be impatient, but it wasn’t going to do her any justice, and she knew it. Regina answered her by retreating her fingers, and grabbing hold of Emma’s bottom firmly with both hands, forcing her on the ground to her feet. She gave a little cry of protest, and gripped onto Regina’s shirt harder just in case Regina tried to pull away.

Instead, Regina grabbed her again and forced her up into her arms, where she walked them into the next bedroom. All the while, her eyes stayed on Emma, the sternness in them palpable. Emma swallowed and let out a little noise. It was ignored as she was set on her feet and turned around. She felt Regina push her shoulders down, and Emma knew better than to do fight it. She was brought down to her knees in front of the bed, and Regina followed, pushing her body against Emma from behind and forcing Emma to bend forward. Her upper body was resting on the mattress now, her head turned to the side, where she tried to look back. Regina leaned down with her, and whispered in her ear. “You’re not being a good girl at _all_ ,” she mused. “Now you’re really going to have to convince me to let you come.” Emma felt her spine tingle, but just as she did, a calming hand caressed her back, and she felt a kiss on her shoulder blade. “Do you want to convince me, Little One?”

“Mama…” slipped out of Emma’s lips, high-pitched and pleading. She rarely used the name during sex, usually just after, when she was well-satiated and coming down from her high. But every now and then, the things Regina said to her pulled at a certain string in her heart. When Regina was teetering in between the playfulness of The Queen, the coyness of her partner, and the caring of her Mama, sometimes Emma felt herself strongly attached to Regina’s most exposed emotion, even when she didn’t truly feel very little. And she didn’t right now, not completely. She felt, more than anything, an ache for Regina to give in and let her feel pure pleasure. Tugging at that rope that wanted to give in to Emma sometimes was the best way to plead her case to Regina, who took the cue instantly.

“I’m here, sweetheart,” Regina’s voice smoothed out as she soothed Emma with a hand. “You’re alright,” she lifted Emma’s upper body to embrace her from behind, and a practiced hand came around to meet Emma’s waiting walls. When Emma felt her there, a sigh came out of her, and she shifted her knees to spread her legs further, giving Regina more access. Regina nuzzled into Emma’s cheek, kissing it softly before whispering: “you’re just eager, aren’t you darling?”

“Please. I promise I’ll be good,” Emma immediately stated, a hand coming up to hold Regina’s face there as she turned her own towards it. “Mama…” she repeated.

“My little girl,” Regina answered, almost talking to herself, and Emma knew she was winning here. Regina was about to give in. Her fingers were gently massaging Emma’s opening.

“Please? I’m…” she felt her legs trembling now at the teasing, and the chuckle she felt in Regina’s chest against her back made her grin.

Regina made Emma rest forward against the mattress, and she supported the small of Emma’s back as she finally plunged two fingers inside of her from behind.

Immediately, Emma’s body reacted. She gripped the comforter under her hands and spread her legs further. Her head snapped back, and she let out a relieved cry that somehow formed Regina’s name. It was answered with Regina’s other hand leaving her back and coming around to rub flattened fingers around her clit, and she pressed her face back into the mattress. “Fuck…yes!” It was muffled by the comforter, but Regina still heard it.

“You’re already so close.” The voice was closer than she had expected, and she instinctively raised her head to try and meet it. She wanted to be as close to Regina as she could get, entranced by her skills of being able to take her from behind while still managing to massage slow circles around her sensitive button.

“Yes…” she hissed out in pleasure, and she felt the buildup of her orgasm start, as if Regina had beckoned it with mere words.

She heard Regina release a moan under her breath, and Emma realized that her hips were slamming down to meet the fingers pumping in and out of her. They were hitting up against her walls in a way she rarely felt, because Regina hadn’t taken her from behind in a long time. And it felt unbelievable. She was conscious that Regina was working hard to continue, because her walls were starting to clench so tightly as her body desperately chased the orgasm building. She lifted her face again, her panting permeating the air but being drowned out by the sound of their lovemaking, which didn’t help to keep Emma composed. “Oh fuck. I’m gunna…”

She didn’t finish the sentence. She couldn’t. Feeling her walls close, Regina dipped down to be next to her, and let out an incredible sound right next to Emma’s ear. “That’s it, my love. Come for me.”

Emma closed her eyes hard and let the voice wrap around her. She felt Regina hold her as her hands made love to her, and the feeling of the protection began to unravel the buildup. She thought she’d said something, but wasn’t sure until Regina answered her.

“I’m here, baby. Let go…”

One last fleeting moment as the buildup peeked, and Emma fell forward. Her release rushed out of her with so much force that her walls were holding Regina’s fingers in place like a vice. And it was all that Emma could feel. She let out several cries as she felt nothing but those fingers forcing incredible pleasure out of her, and it wasn’t until the next wave hit her that she realized one of her own hands had come down to make sure the source of it didn’t leave. It took another moment to realize that Regina’s other hand had left so that she could wrap her arm around Emma’s middle. She was panting against Emma, matching her breathing, lips close to her ear and murmuring words to her. The sound of them dragged out the sensations. She felt her upper body being risen so Regina could hold her against her own body, and Emma finally began to come down.

“Good girl,” Regina chanted, kissing Emma’s temple. “Good girl.”

Emma wanted to answer, but she hadn’t caught her breath yet. She wanted to ask for milk. She wanted to nuzzle into that warm body and attach herself to it in the most tender way possible as the pleasure and energy finally bled out of her. But she found that her mouth didn’t have the capacity to articulate. Regina was sitting back now, and she with her, bare bottom on Regina’s thighs; in her lap. Emma raised her fingers and remembered just as they hit her taste buds that they had been inside of Regina. She gave a little moan around them and sucked the flavor.

She heard more murmurs, and soon, she was nuzzling against the very skin she had been imagining. Regina had them up on their feet again, and Emma’s legs were like jelly. Regina undressed herself to match Emma’s naked body, and Emma found herself being scooted onto the bed, where they were on their sides facing each other. She was guided down to the exact spot she wanted, and as she latched on, she felt a leg lifted and rest on her hip.

Regina’s milk flooded her mouth. Every part of her was now filled with everything Regina, and the hand that usually came up to knead Regina’s breast gently, instead went down to Regina’s exposed opening. As she nursed, she gently rubbed expert hands against the soft flesh, feeling Regina breathe deeply against her hair.

***

Emma sat awkwardly on the bench in the courtroom, and pulled on her collared shirt, trying to smooth it out. Voices in here echoed, like they were all walking through a small cave. A tall, clean-cut young man was standing by Robert Gold’s side, who was sitting stonily in his chair. In his hand, he gripped a black cane, twirling it between his fingers. Since his father had stabbed a piece of furniture into his ankle, Gold had been walking with a pretty significant limp.

The sudden vision made Emma wince, and she scooted uncomfortably in her seat. Regina, who was sitting next to her, noticed her unease, and her hand came to rest on Emma’s thigh.

Emma stilled at the touch, focusing on the bracelet she had given Regina for Christmas around her delicate wrist. A soft hand, but also a strong one. One that held her, often. The wrist a part of gentle arms, but just as strong. They held her often, too.

“Miss Swan?”

Her head snapped up.

“Would you please approach?”

Emma darted a look Regina’s way, who gave her a reassuring smile. The comfort was short-lived, and Emma was on her feet and heading towards the witness box. She saw Gold’s lawyer, Jim McCann guide her with a hand, but didn’t really feel it. Instead, she sat as soon as she could, and stared at the tiny microphone in front of her, trying to keep her eyes away from the jurors or Gold or even the judge.

_If you get nervous, just look at me. I’ll be right there with you._

Emma’s eyes swiped to Regina, and when she received a little smile, she tried to force one herself.

“Miss Swan, please raise your right hand.”

Emma raised it, and she was sworn in. “Do you know this man?” McCann gestured towards Gold, and Emma nodded her head.

“Yes.”

“How do you know him?”

“Uh,” she stammered. “It’s kind of a long story.”

McCann smiled back. “Short version will do.”

She swallowed. “Right. I knew him when I was a kid. He was one of my foster brother’s half-brother.”

“Was he nice to you?” he asked.

Emma was a little taken aback by the question. She glanced Gold’s way, and found herself nodding. “Yeah, uh, he used to sneak me candy and quarters and things like that. He was a lot older than me, so I think he just saw me as a shy little kid.”

“And when you were a child, did an incident happen that put the two of you in a difficult situation?”

There was a long pause before Emma answered. The way McCann had said it made it sound as if Emma and Gold had been walking down the street together one day, and a gang of men happened upon them to cause harm. She found her eyes wandering to Regina, and she felt her throat tighten at the look she found there. She was smiling and nodding for Emma, but Emma knew her too well anymore to not notice the underlining worry there.

“Yes.”

“Would you care to explain?”

Emma drew in a breath, wondering how to even begin that line. Did she start with details, where she was in the house, what she had been doing? Did she mention walking into the room and seeing, _smelling_ the blood? She went with a short version. How she’d heard things breaking and her foster mother screaming, and she had gone to hide.

“And Robert found you there, didn’t he?”

Emma nodded. “Yeah. His dad wanted him to find me. But he pretended he couldn’t. He knew his dad…” Emma stopped and again found herself looking at Robert Gold, whose eyes almost looked black as they stared at her. He wore the same serious expression he always did: his features always looked soft, but his eyes always pierced like daggers. “He knew his dad would have killed me. So he told me to keep hiding.”

“And did you?”

“Yes,” Emma answered quickly, hoping they weren’t going to be diving deep into these details. “They left a little while later.”

“So, Robert Gold saved your life?”

Emma nodded. It was hard to thank Gold for that. He had done a good thing. He had also done something that had completely changed Emma. She’d spent most of her life pushing the horror of what had happened to her down. When it had resurfaced, it had rocked her world. She wasn’t sure if she would have survived it without Regina. And the rest of her life was going to be spent working it all out. But at the same time, because of him, she had that life to spend.

Emma looked down, and closed her eyes tightly. “He did. And he did it again in December.”

“How so?”

“His dad finally caught up to me. There was an attack. He was choking me.” She was surprised how just by saying it, she felt the air constrict in her throat. “If Robert hadn’t got to him, he would have killed me.”

The clean cut lawyer looked from Emma to the judge, and stated that he had no further questions. The older woman behind the bench nodded, and turned her attention to the opposite side of the courtroom. “Miss Adams,” she called, and the prosecutor stood up.

She greeted Emma tersely, and Emma only nodded in response. She knew that Adams was one of Regina’s colleagues. The two of them had worked in the same building for a long time, and had gone to law school together. But she also knew that as a lawyer, Adams had a job to do, and that was to discredit Emma’s claim that Robert Gold was a life-saving saint. Emma didn’t feel exactly that way about him. The guy was slimy, she knew that. Not every experience she’d had with Robert Gold had been a pleasant one. He’d completely denied he knew anything about the phone calls Emma was getting. He hadn’t been the one to make them, but he knew damn well that his father had found out who she was, and was planning to get to her. He’d had opportunities to take Regina aside and let her know what was going on. He’d never done that. And that pissed her off, and didn’t make him very trustworthy. But when push came to shove, he’d done the right thing. Hadn’t he?

“Miss Swan, you say that Gold here saved you as a child. How so?”

Emma shrugged. “Like I said, he told his dad he couldn’t find me, and let him out of the house. He helped me hide.”

An unpleasant grin spread on the woman’s face, and Emma realized that it was too thin and her features too long. “How?”

Before she could stop herself, Emma physically winced. She’d really wanted to avoid this part. What the hell did it matter?

“Why does that matter?” she asked aloud.

“Because, Miss Swan,” she stated blandly, almost bored. “My understanding is that Robert Gold’s idea of hiding you was locking you in some sort of luggage in a closet with a dead woman in the room and no other adults in the home, took the baby that was living there, and just left you with no way out. Is that correct?”

Emma felt like she had just been punched in the stomach. For the past few months, she’d had flashbacks, talked with Regina, Ruby, and Mary Margaret about her processing, and described some details to Archie. But nobody had looked at her in the face and just told her flat out what had happened to her. It felt surreal hanging in the air like that, as if the verbalization from a complete stranger gave it a new form, a more tangible existence.

She was afraid to look at Regina, so she didn’t. Instead she kept the same stony stare as the lawyer, and asked in an embarrassingly shaken voice, “So?”

That smile again. “So, are you sure he meant to save your life?”

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The stare she was giving Adams now was not a daring glare, but a stunned, glazed look. “What do you mean?”

“Miss Swan, the man locked you in a suitcase and nobody found you for days. Luckily for you, somebody came along to let you out before you succumbed to dehydration and suffocation. Did it never occur to you that you being found was not part of his plan?”

“Objection, your honor. Speculation,” McCann interrupted.

“Sustained,” Emma heard the Judge Preston say. “Move on, Counselor.”

Without missing a beat, Adams asked: “And as Robert Gold himself was attacked by his father on November 27th, it would be likely that instead of killing his father to save you, he was doing it to save himself, right?”

“Objection, your honor!” McCann was now on his feet now, a piece of his perfectly slicked back hair threatening to come loose. Adams put her hands in her pockets and backed away to let Judge Preston and the defense bicker their legal jargon that Emma couldn’t wrap her brain around. Her head was too full of turmoil. She was staring at Robert without really seeing him, trying to think back, trying to capture the little moments to see if she could figure out his true motives. Little pieces of candy, a finger to his lips, light flooding in from the crack of the closet door, glass from the coffee table jabbing Emma’s skin as grown men’s yells of pain permeated the air…

“Miss Swan!”

Emma not only jumped and nearly landed on the floor, but she let out a little shriek, and found that her hands were clutching the banister in front of her.

The room went deadly silent, and Emma, realizing all eyes were on her and had been for some time, opened her mouth to speak. But all that came out were trembling breaths. Her eyes finally fell on the judge who had called her name, and she saw a queer expression morph there as she was studied, as if Preston was trying to work out what exactly was going on in Emma’s head. She’s was hoping that if the judge figured it out, she’d be willing to share with Emma, because it was a pure mystery to her. She felt panic rising, fear clenching her chest. Her legs began to cramp, and instinctively, she stretched them in her seat, desperate to show them and herself that she had all the room in the world…

***

“Let’s break,” Preston finally announced, and Regina felt the slightest bit of relief at the words. As the jurors moved in the room, the lawyers gathering papers, Emma seemed stapled to the witness chair. She was still looking Judge Preston’s way as if she were waiting for some statement to fix everything, but Regina realized that in fact, she wasn’t registering whatever her eyes had landed on. She was in her head.

Regina got up out of her seat and motioned for McCann to guide Emma down. He nodded and did so. Regina, not taking her eyes off of Emma for a second, heard a voice next to her. It was Adams, her friend and colleague, who right now, she had to work at not to slap across the face. Her logical mind told her that Adams was just doing her job by cross-examining Emma, something she herself had done a million times to countless witnesses. But her emotions had a very different reaction, a visceral one. All of that must have been obvious from her demeanor, because when she flashed her eyes Adams’ way, she could see a look of concern and apology there. Without acknowledging either, she put her hand up dismissively, and went to take Emma’s hand to lead her out of the court room.

It felt cold, clammy, and delicate, all unusual for Emma, who didn’t grip back. A new wave of protectiveness emboldened Regina, and she stated without looking at Adams or McCann: “We’re done here.”

“Regina…” Adams started, but whatever she was about to say died on her lips when Regina whirled on her. She imagined the look on her face must have made it very plain who was going to win this argument.

“We’re. Done. Here,” she clenched out. “If Preston has a problem with that, she can refer to Miss Swan’s psychiatrist, who made it very plain in his letter what a bad idea putting her on the stand was in the first place.”

“Regina, if we don’t continue, Gold could spend weeks in prison until a new court date is assigned,” McCann tried to argue.

Regina didn’t think that was such a bad idea, but she kept that to herself as her glare shifted to McCann. With Emma’s limp hand still in hers, she stepped into McCann’s space, who had to lean back to keep Regina from knocking him over. “Then you should have been content with the letter of character witness she wrote and prepared your own damned case without our help. You call Emma back here, and I’ll fight it. I didn’t before as a professional courtesy. It won’t be extended again.”

“Counselors. Approach!”

Almost all of them jumped, and Regina smirked when she saw that her two colleagues hadn’t noticed that Judge Preston hadn’t walked out of the courtroom yet, but was witnessing the interaction. Regina could feel Emma begin to shake, and while the other two had no choice but to approach the bench, she took the opportunity to swiftly walk Emma out of the courtroom.

Once they closed the doors, Regina wrapped her arm around Emma’s waist to guide her out, and whispered: “Just breathe, Emma. We’re going home.”

Emma let out a wounded sound, as if she had tried to speak, but couldn’t wrap her mouth around the words, and Regina instinctively tightened her hold. Helping Emma in the car, she reached around and grabbed Emma’s seatbelt, buckling her in. Emma didn’t seem to notice. She was staring over the dashboard, and Regina noted she looked both shaken, and disappointed in herself.

When Regina got in the car, she reached out to cradle the back of Emma’s head. “It’s alright, sweetheart,” she whispered.

The breath Emma took in nearly shook her entire body. “Wanna go…” she breathed out, and Regina was thrown back to a confused and scared little Emma laying in a hospital bed, who had been wondering how in the hell she’d gotten in that situation in the first place.

Finally home, she wasted no time shrugging herself out of her jacket, and Emma out of her blazer. Unbuttoning Emma’s shirt, she stole a glance at her girlfriend, who was looking down at the ground, clearly at odds with herself. She looked angry. Angry at herself for not being able to handle the cross examination. And she looked confused. Confused at the revelation that Adams had put in her head. Did Gold really do the right thing to be honorable, or had he simply taken opportunities when he saw them? Regina knew that Gold was a lot of things, but honorable had never been one of them. She honestly didn’t know, but right now, his motivations were the least of her worries. What was done was done; Emma had survived, and now what mattered was her trying to move past this whole mess.

She took Emma’s hand and led them to the study, where she sat Emma down at her desk, and brought out the journal she’d gotten Emma for Christmas, and a pen with different colored markers that Zelena had bought her. Kissing Emma on the head, she said, “why don’t you do some writing. Maybe even a couple of pictures, hm? I’ll be right back.”

“Kay,” Emma said quietly, taking a pen into her hand and staring down at an empty page.

Walking into the kitchen, Regina took her phone out and dialed her sister, who answered after one ring. “Hello, Bun. Done with court already?”

“Hell yes,” she whispered through clenched teeth.

“What happened?” Zelena’s voice had changed dramatically, from her usual sing-song tone to one of dark concern.

“Exactly what I said would happen,” Regina seethed. “I had to charge her out of there before she had a flashback on the god damned witness stand.”

She heard a sigh on the other end. “Is she okay?”

Regina mimicked the sigh, willing herself to calm down. “I need you to get Archie to write another letter. Strongly worded this time,” she emphasized. “She’s not going back to that court room, Zee. I can’t allow it.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Zelena answered. “You get back to her. I’ll handle it. When are you going to see Mother?”

Regina’s eyes squeezed closed involuntarily. For a while there, she hadn’t thought about her mother’s case. “I leave on Thursday.”

“Is Emma going with you?”

Regina sighed again. The original plan was that no, Emma wouldn’t be going with her. She had her own work to do. Now, she wasn’t so sure. She hated the idea of leaving Emma when she was emotionally compromised, but maybe the couple of days they had would calm her down. “I hadn’t planned on it. We’ll see.” She and Emma really needed their own vacation.

“Well, if not, I’ll be around. Don’t worry about anything, Bun. She won’t be alone.”

A little smile crept onto Regina’s face. “Thanks, Sis,” she said as she heard a little “Mama _?_ ” calling from down the hall. “I gotta go.”

Hanging up and going into the study, she saw Emma was hard at work, focusing her energy onto a page that had turned from blank to full of heavy writing and colorful doodles. She noticed the image of the teddy bear that Emma sometimes drew, and found herself wondering what the significance of it was. Emma didn’t typically go into detail about what happened when she was a kid. Regina pointed to it. “Whose this?” she asked, keeping her voice light.

Not taking her focus off of the drawing she was currently working on, Emma answered quietly: “Sebastian.”

“Was he yours from before?”

She saw Emma shaking her head. “Baby P’s.”

“Emma,” Regina pulled up her own chair to sit next to Emma, who finally took her focus off of what she was doing to meet her gaze. What she saw there was Emma in between, fighting the adult side of her that looked furious with herself, and the other side of her that was trying really hard to keep it together and not slip. Regina winced as she realized it. Emma wanted to let go, but she wasn’t allowing it. “Today wasn’t your fault. You did very good. I’m proud of you.”

Regina saw Emma’s face shift a bit, surprise overtaking her features. “You are?”

Not able to help her smile, she nodded. “Yes, I am. You didn’t have to go, but you did it anyway. We could have worked it out so you didn’t have to, but you tried even though you were scared. And it’s over now. You don’t have to go back.”

Hope started to filter into Emma’s eyes. “I don’t?” Her voice was changing. Slipping. Regina smiled again. All it took was a little reassurance, and Emma was letting her guard down.

“No baby. Come here.” Regina was out of her chair, and she knelt down to embrace Emma, who leaned into it and buried her face in Regina’s stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're setting a few things up here, so just bare with me. Some things that people have been waiting for for a while now. Have a good week. =)


	29. Hush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! A short, quick gift. For two reasons: 
> 
> One, the first 24 hours of the last chapter literally had 2000 hits. So I loves yous guys, and this is how I show it.
> 
> Two: some of you were missing Little Emma and Mama.

Regina could see the shift in Emma after her cross examination, but she knew by the way Emma was acting that she was working hard to process it. She spent the mornings and evenings quiet, and clung to Regina every chance she got. And Regina didn’t complain one bit. She only had a few days before she was going to Storybrooke, and she was not looking forward to it. The more time she spent with her the better.

She and Cora were working through their differences, but they still had a way to go, and the more Regina read into the case so she could help her mother, the more uneasy she was becoming about moving forward with it. To put it bluntly, Cora had fucked up. And she had done quite a few things, spent quite a bit of tax-payers’ money trying to cover it up. There were pieces in the case that Regina couldn’t explain, and when she called Cora to get an explanation, she was met with indignance.

“Mother,” she said as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers, trying to keep an even voice. “You can’t just have this dollar amount from tax payers missing and not account for it. The state is claiming you used it on hotel rooms and hush money to kill stories with your newspaper connection. If you have nothing disproving that, there’s nothing I can say to counteract the claims.”

“Who keeps receipts of everything, Regina?”

It was so hard not to shout back: _every straight politician not hiding something!_ But she knew it was no use. Cora wasn’t going to fold just because Regina was telling her to. In the end, Regina had a decision to make: she could either walk away, or make it very plain to her mother exactly what the reality of the situation was.

She chose the latter, but she couldn’t have that conversation over the phone. She needed to do it in person, which meant her visit wasn’t going to be very pleasant. And the conversation was this: Cora was going to be charged. There was nothing for it. The only thing she could do was take a plea deal, and Regina was going to try and get her the best one she could. That being said, a good plea deal didn’t equal not being guilty, and she had a feeling her mother wasn’t going to accept that. Regina could lighten the blow, but Cora seemed to be living in a fantasy world that her star lawyer of a daughter could just make this whole thing go away. It wasn’t going to work that way. Cora had gone her whole life sweeping things under the rug, but this just wasn’t going to be one of those times.

Her dread of the coming weekend probably matched the dread Emma had felt about going to court, so she was fully conscious of how in unison they were with their feelings. And luckily, both were dealing with their stress in the same way. They checked in with one another to make sure all was okay, and Emma staying little every chance she got and clinging to Regina was the best thing that Regina could have hoped for. Because when she was caring for Emma, all her stress went away. She was lost in the moment, reveling in meeting Emma’s basic needs, doting on her, holding her. It was the perfect escape.

Deciding that she wouldn’t do anything more after hours for her mother’s case until she turned up in Storybrooke to talk to her, Regina fully committed her time off of work to just spending time with her girlfriend.

Emma was spending a lot of her time writing and drawing in her journal, which she had filled an impressive amount of since receiving it for Christmas. At the rate she was going, Regina was going to need to get her a new one quickly. She kept looking for ones online that best suited Emma, colors or designs she would like, and ones that had both lined and blank paper for writing and drawing together.

The day after Emma’s court date, Tuesday night, was grilled cheese and tomato soup night. So Tuesday, she went to the store to grab fresh tomatoes and bread after work, and then headed home.

Emma was already there, sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table in the living room. Various colored pencils and papers were sprawled out on the table, the television was on (too loud, of course) with one of Emma’s favorite cartoons, and stuffed in her lap was Pankie. When Regina walked in, Emma turned and gave her a toothless smile. The softness in her features and eyes sent a warm sensation through Regina, who smiled back at her. “Hi, Babygirl.”

“Hi Mama,” Emma answered quietly, and went back to her drawing. Her face was very close to the page, shoulders hunched over as if she were hiding answers for a test. “ZeeZee said she’s coming tomorrow.”

“Oh god,” Regina breathed out as she went into the kitchen to put the grocery bag down. “I forgot. Did you pack all the bedding and towels like I asked?” she called.

“Uh huh,” Emma answered back. Typical Zelena had lost random things in her move, and since Emma had moved in and they had double of several items, they had gone through some of their things to see what they could spare to give to her absentminded sister. Zelena and Ruby were trying to settle into their new apartment just a few miles away. It felt incredible to have Zelena back. The idea that she could just pop in at any time still felt just too good to be true. When push came to shove, things were going very well: she had her sister back near her, and she and Emma were doing beautifully living under the same roof. Despite her stress, she was thankful for the way her life was coming together.

Coming around into the living room, Regina knelt down to kiss Emma on the head. “Good girl. Thank you.” She grabbed the remote control and turned the television down.

“I like this show,” Emma argued, as if that statement made a perfect argument for the volume.

“You’re sitting three feet from the screen. You can hear it just fine.” Her answer was almost robotic, as they’d had this exchange at least a dozen times in the last couple of months. Looking down at what Emma was drawing, Regina cocked her head to get a good view. There were a few lines of poetry that were surrounding a drawing of the Zakim Bridge. Not only was it recognizable, but detailed with wonderful shading. Emma wasn’t a bad drawer, Regina was starting to notice, and found it interesting she’d never mentioned it before. However, when she had pointed it out to Emma the week after Christmas, it was answered with a blank stare, as if Emma had never heard something so foreign in all her life.

“Did you take classes when you were young?” Regina had asked.

A shadow had passed over the stare, and it was with a painful stab that Regina figured out why Emma had seemed so shocked at her observation. “No, uh…” she had rubbed the back of her neck nervously as she spoke. “Those weren’t…available.”

Regina always tried to keep her composure when pieces like this surfaced about Emma’s past. Nobody had ever given her a second thought when she was a child, much less nurtured any of her interests or talents. Identifying that Emma actually had either of those was nothing any of the adults in her life were invested in. The more they talked about various parts of life, the more apparent it became: Emma had never played sports, she’d never been in any clubs or scouts, and she’d never left Boston before she was eighteen years old.

Once Regina put the remote control down, she gave Emma a little affectionate scratch on her scalp. “That’s beautiful, sweetheart,” she commented on the drawing, and before Emma could blush and bury her face in the page, she quickly changed the subject. “Do you want wheat or sourdough for grilled cheese?”

The question diverted Emma’s embarrassment at being complimented, and she looked up at Regina with a lopsided grin, her nose wrinkled in amusement. “Mama!” she laughed. “Sourdough!”

Regina laughed with her, and started into the kitchen. “Just making sure,” she called back.

The meal was easy enough to prepare, but Emma came bouncing in a little later anyway, insisting on helping. Regina let her put spices in the soup as it heated on the stove, and rinse out the dishes she was using, but after that, she had Emma go back to her place by the television so Regina could finish up without worrying her little one was putting too much salt in the soup or having too much fun flipping the sandwiches unnecessarily by a hot burner.

She collected some of the scattered pencils and markers on the coffee table to make room for Emma’s bowl of soup, grilled cheese, and her sippy cup of apple juice. Emma went for the sandwich first, holding it with one hand while she hummed a little tune and doodled vines on the edges of her page. Regina sat on the couch with her own meal and turned the television to some news, making Emma give a gagging sound. Emma finished her grilled cheese, but ignored the soup after it was no longer useful for dipping her sandwich in. It usually went that once Emma had finished with whatever she really wanted to eat, she tried to leave out the things that looked green or had been grown on a vine or tree.

Emma was already back to humming under her breath with a pencil to the edges of the paper. She had tomato soup on the edges of her mouth. Regina took the bowl and ladled soup onto Emma’s spoon, bringing it to Emma’s lips. She opened and took the bite. Regina balanced catching flashes of the television screen and watching that she kept her hand under Emma’s spoon to not spill any of the soup on its way to her mouth. Emma took several bites without any fuss, but eventually grabbed her sippy cup and drew out taking tiny sips. Her eyes darted to the side to see if Regina was still focused on feeding her. This was Regina’s cue that Emma was done eating, and she was seeing if she could get away with not finishing her meal. She waited patiently for a moment until Emma’s attachment to the sippy cup was harboring on the ridiculous. Nobody took that long to take a drink.

Turning on her _I Mean Business_ tone instead of chuckling at Emma’s antics, Regina cleared her throat. “Six more bites, Emma.”

Emma finally let go of her hold on her sippy cup, and pursed her lips. Regina knew that look: a compromise was about to be proposed.

“And then ice cream?”

Regina didn’t care for that proposal.

“Five more bites instead, and no ice cream,” she tried.

She was met with a brooding look. “But I really, really want ice cream,” Emma huffed, looking at the bowl of soup with a new attitude of distain.

Regina shook her head. “Emma,” her warning tone finally came out. “What’s our rule?”

Looking back down at her page, Emma’s brows knit together, and she mumbled something.

“Can’t hear you,” Regina called.

“No ice cream after dinner.”

“Right,” Regina nodded. Emma with sugar in the evening led to problems. Her crashes left her cranky, and she fought tooth and nail to brush her teeth, put her pajamas on, and get ready for bed. Regina usually only let her have ice cream after lunch when she was little so she could at least let all of that energy out and then dinner brought her blood sugar back up to avoid any crankiness.

“So our choices are…” she turned her voice up, prompting Emma to finish for her.

“Six bites or five bites,” Emma said solemnly.

Smiling, Regina nodded. “Yes. But guess what?”

Emma finally looked up at her, and it was clear that she was eagerly waiting for Mama’s counter offer. “What?”

“Six bites gets you an extra chapter tonight.”

Emma’s face instantly brightened. Zelena had gotten Emma a stack of books for Christmas, and Regina had the displeasure of finding out that she hadn’t actually read of a single one of them. Where the Wild Things Are, Charlotte’s Web, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Matilda, James and the Giant Peach…none of them. Once again, the reality of Emma’s childhood came charging through the door. Not a single adult had read to her when she was growing up. The idea was intolerable to Regina. So since then, she had marched Emma to the book store every weekend, where Emma was aloud to get any book she wanted each time. Her latest pick was The Phantom Tollbooth, and she’d spent the whole ride home studying the cover, going over the edges of it with her finger, as if a brand new book was a precious thing that she’d never had the privilege to hold before.

“Can we read for a real long time?” Emma asked, and this didn’t surprise Regina, whose new nightly routine held the addition of deciding if Emma’s eyes were far too droopy to continue onto the next page, let alone chapter.

“As long as you like. Your soup’s getting cold, love,” Regina answered, guiding the spoon back into Emma’s mouth, who took it happily between her lips. The rest of the meal was easy to get Emma to finish, and Regina cleared the dishes and put them into the dishwasher. “Time to get ready for bed, Emma,” she called. “Pens and pencils away where they go, please.”

When she came back into the living room, Emma was busy stuffing all of her writing utensils into her artists’ bag, and she closed her book before jumping up and running them into the study to put away. Turning off the television, Regina followed down the hall to find Emma was already darting into the bathroom. She chuckled. Emma had two speeds when she was little: asleep and “zoom”.

Emma sat on the counter next to the sink and waited as Regina wet a wash cloth and brought it to Emma’s face. She squeezed her eyes dramatically as Regina wiped off the tomato soup still stuck at the corners of her mouth; she wasn’t a fan of having her face washed.

Regina finished and brought their toothbrushes out, putting paste on Emma’s first and then her own. Emma waited patiently for Regina to start brushing first, the back of her feet tapping lightly against the cupboard as she swung her legs. She liked to face Regina and mimic her movements when she brushed, so Regina sometimes made a game of it and started brushing one side, and then really quickly went to the other side to see if she could psych her out. Emma liked that game, and it kept her from throwing fits about brushing her teeth.

In the bedroom, Regina got Emma in a long-sleeved onesie. Neither she nor Emma was a fan of Valentine’s Day, but they did make the gesture of getting the other one little thing to wear. Emma’s was the onesie with hearts on it with red footies. Regina got a matching pair of flannel pajamas. It was a cold February, snow and ice had fallen over the city like a ghostly sheet, and even though they were on the tenth floor of a warm building, the chill still managed to seep into the walls.

Regina left her flannel shirt unbuttoned as she stacked the pillows up against the headboard, making it so she and Emma could both be comfortable as she nursed. Emma spent the time fetching Pankie and her new book. She already had it opened to the spot they had left last night, and though Regina saw her eyes were sunken and lines creased underneath them with sleepiness, the spirit in them was bright and excited. She felt her chest warm, amazed and honored that she was the only person in the world who had given this seemingly simple thing to Emma.

Laying against the pillows, Regina opened her arms to her little one, who sunk in and situated herself against her. She handed the book over, and while one arm helped Emma come down to be cradled near her breast, the other held up the book. There was a picture on the page they were starting that night, and as Emma latched on to Regina’s breast, she pointed to it, tracing the lines as Regina read.

Emma suckled slowly through the first chapter, taking her time, entranced by the words her mama recited. Pankie was snuggled up in between she and Regina, while her new stuffed bear pillow was just underneath her head and Regina’s arm. Regina sometimes found her holding it tightly as she slept, and while she was never without Pankie, every now and then the bear pillow (Fluffy Bear) came along too.

As usual, Emma fussed when they switched breasts. By that point, it was much more apparent how tired she was, and Emma always got cranky when she was sleepy but fighting it. However, once Regina got her settled, Emma sweetly cupped Regina’s full breast, eyes shifted to the pages being read. Feeling the last of the pressure in her breast leave her, Regina paused to lean down and kiss Emma on the top of the head, who took her hand away to point at the page. “More story, Mama,” she said as she unlatched.

By then she was fighting to stay awake, and Regina’s promise of Emma getting an extra chapter was about to become null and void. Leaning to her bedside table, Regina fetched Emma’s paci, and placed it in between Emma’s lips.

She took it instantly, and sighed around it as she continued to trace over the latest picture on the page.

_“_ _“Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends?”_

The paci bounced slowly over Emma’s mouth as her suckling became more fleeting and less purposeful.

_“ Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak…”_

She heard Emma sigh, and she gave up helping turn the pages to tuck herself closer into Regina’s body. She stole a glance down to see that Emma’s eyes were blinking slowly. She lowered her voice to just barely a whisper as she kept reading.

_“ or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.”_

Regina waited before she turned the page to see if Emma would do it for her. But when she glanced down to look, Emma was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See what happens when you comment? I listen to your woes and give gifts! hahahaha!


	30. Strength

By Wednesday, Regina was still going back and forth with leaving for Storybrooke without Emma, who had stayed little most of the time while they were at home together. Even though Emma had assured her that it was perfectly fine, Regina realized that it was her own struggle to try and get over being too protective. If Emma was telling her she was okay, then Regina had to trust that. In return, she knew Emma had to trust her own words that Regina was okay with leaving.

“I’m just really not looking forward to it.”

“I can tell,” Emma had said. “But you know that’s not what I mean when I ask if you’re going to be okay.”

In the end, Regina admitted, she wasn’t very comfortable with leaving Emma and she wasn’t sure how her weekend with her mother would go. But she also made it clear that she was going to respect Emma’s promise that she was okay, and she wasn’t just going to ditch Cora.

She came home that Wednesday evening before leaving the next day to hear laughter emanating from the living room. Walking in without putting her stuff down, she found Emma and Zelena at the dining room table with newspapers and different colored Playdough strewn about.

They hadn’t even noticed her coming in, and Zelena lifted a flattened sheet of Playdough off of the paper. “Okay, next one!” she said through her laughter, and Emma leaned in closely to see what had been left on the material. It was clear to Regina that they were transferring the newspaper print onto the Playdough and distorting the copy. As the two of them peered at what they had just made, they both nearly fell out of their chairs laughing.

“Look at his eyes!” Emma squealed, and Regina noted that her tone was slightly displaying her little side.

Regina announced herself by clearing her throat. “What is this mess?”

Both Zelena and Emma looked up at her in surprise, but then burst into a new fit of laughter.

“Regina!” Emma yelled through her tears. “Look!” Coming forward, Regina saw that the two of them had been at it for some time transferring pictures of various public figures who had made it in the news onto the Playdough, and then distorting their features.

“He looks like an alien!” Emma and Zelena doubled over again.

Smiling and closing her eyes, Regina shook her head as she went to go put her things down.

Passing the kitchen, she saw out of the corner of her eye that it was in complete disarray. Going in, she saw paraphernalia from a local ice cream shop all over the counters. Her eyes widened. “Zelena!”

She heard her sister’s laughter coming closer and Zelena followed her voice. When she made an appearance in the kitchen, Regina pointed to the counters. “How much ice cream did you give her?”

Zelena answered by rolling her eyes. “Relax, Bun. She’ll eat dinner.”

Regina scoffed, and shook her head. “Just clean this up, please.”

Zelena, still getting over her giggles, started to ball up the bags and napkins. “Did you know she’s never had Playdough before? Good god, so much to teach her.”

Emma’s laughter could be heard in the other room, and Regina found a way to change the subject. She was well aware of all that Emma had missed in her childhood. “Did you get the sheets and towels?”

“Yup. Thanks again, Bun.” Zelena answered as Emma came barging in.

“Can we play the unicorn game now?” she looked at Zelena with hopeful eyes. Out of the many phone games that Zelena had shown Emma, “The Unicorn Game”, or Robot Unicorn Attack, was Emma’s favorite.

Zelena’s eyes darted to Regina, who gave her a stern look. Turning around, she gave Emma a smile. “I think maybe we should go for a walk instead.”

Emma’s face fell slightly at Regina’s words, and she slumped her shoulders. “A walk!? What about the Playdough!?”

Regina raised her eyebrows, half amused. “The Playdough needs to be cleaned up before we go.”

“C’mon, Little Dove,” Zelena said in a chipper voice. “Let’s put it away so it doesn’t dry out. Maybe we’ll play with it again this weekend, eh?”

Emma’s eyes brightened slightly at hearing the potential of more Playdough time, and she turned on her heel to run back to the dining room.

After bundling Emma up, the sisters guided her out to Fan Pier Park, where Emma let loose jumping over the small stone pillars just by the water and running ahead.

“So she’s staying here this weekend?” Zelena asked.

Regina sighed as she kept her eyes on Emma, who looked about ready to shed her coat with all of her exertion. “She’s got a lot of work,” she said. “She picked up a lot more clients last week, and the paperwork just piled up.”

“Well,” Zelena chuckled as Emma started chasing pigeons. “Like I said, she won’t be alone.”

Regina shook her head, and gave Zelena an annoyed glance. “So you can just fill her with ice cream and let her run rampant? Great.”

Zelena laughed then, and nudged her sister in the shoulder. “I’m sure she’s fully capable of taking care of herself in your absence, Bun.”

Regina stayed quiet, her mind going to Storybrooke, and the idea of spending it with her mother and that case instead of with Emma.

“Oooohhh,” Zelena sang, breaking Regina out of her thoughts.

“What?” she said, slightly irritated. She hated it when Zelena gave her that tone as if she knew something but wasn’t going to share.

“You don’t _want_ her to take care of herself, do you?” She sounded amused, but Regina answered her with a scowl.

“It sounds sinister, the way you say it.”

Zelena gave a short laugh. “You know what I mean. Sometimes, I wonder whose taking care of who in this little arrangement of yours.”

Regina stopped walking then, and stared Zelena down. “One, of course I’d rather spend time with Emma than Mother on this case. Two, the whole point of this ‘little arrangement’,” she gave Zelena annoyed quotation marks, “is that both Emma and I get our needs taken care of.”

Zelena stopped with her, and gave Regina a queer look. “Yikes, Sis. what is _up_ with you tonight?”

Regina was taken aback by that, and checked herself. Zelena was right: she felt irritable, and she wasn’t exactly sure why. However, Zelena wasn’t to blame, even if she had stuffed Emma full of sugar. She sighed. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I think I’m just dreading this weekend.”

Zelena answered by giving her a kind smile, and linked their arms together to continue walking. “Everything will be just fine, Bun. You’ll see.”

She shook her head. “She’s screwed, Zee.”

They were quiet together for a moment. “It’s that bad, huh?” Zelana’s tone had turned somber, and Regina could hear worry in it.

“Yeah…” Regina breathed out.

Quiet again. Zelena brought her other hand up and squeezed Regina’s arm.

“I don’t know what I’m going to tell her,” she whispered, matching Zelena’s tone.

She saw Zelena shake her head. “You’re just going to have to tell her the truth. And no, she won’t be happy about it. But, that’s Mummy.”

Their quiet exchange was suddenly interrupted as Emma came down a little hill from behind some bushes. Her beanie that Regina had made sure she wore was off her head and in her hand. It looked like it was weighed down as she held it like a sack.

“Emma,” Regina gave her a warning tone, seeing that her ears and nose were red from the cold. “You’re going to get sick out here if you don’t stay warm.”

“But I want to paint them!” she said, opening the top of the beanie and showing the sisters a pile of rocks.

Regina couldn’t help but smile. “You want to paint rocks?”

“Yeah!” Emma squeaked. “We can put them out on the window sills!”

By the time they went back to the apartment, Emma was starting to wind down. Zelena started out, but Regina stopped her. “I want you to stay so you can see just how hard it is to get Emma to eat actual food after letting her have as much ice cream as she wants,” she chided.

Rolling her eyes, Zelena grabbed her bag. “Sounds fun and all, but can’t. August is cooking me dinner tonight. Tai. Nice as spicy,” she winked.

Regina opted for leftovers for dinner. She heated up mashed potatoes, green beans, and lemon chicken, all the while Emma busied herself putting her new soon-to-be-painted rocks out perfectly on her desk in the study. When they finally sat down for dinner, Emma’s eyes were red and drooping, and she was practically slumped over in the chair.

Regina leaned over Emma from behind and cut her chicken for her, but Emma showed no interest. Sitting next to her, Regina started in on her own food, watching Emma stir her mashed potatoes around out of the corner of her eye.

“Four bites of each,” she said as she sipped the wine she had poured for herself.

Emma gave a little dissatisfied grunt, and kept jabbing the potatoes with a fork. She picked up a piece of chicken with her fingers and brought it to her mouth, taking tiny bites of it.

Regina wasn’t in the mood to argue or negotiate with her Little One, so she simply scooted her chair right next to Emma’s, and smoothed her yellow hair that had become messy from wearing her beanie earlier. Taking Emma’s fork from her hands, she scooped up a bit of the mashed potatoes and brought it to Emma’s lips. “Let’s count down, hm?”

Emma took the bite with a heavy sign, resting her head in one of her hands with a propped elbow on the table, clearly ready for bed. “Four…” she grumbled after swallowing, and Regina brought another bite to her mouth. She mulled it around before swallowing. “Free…” she sighed.

Regina kissed Emma’s temple as she speared a green bean onto the fork, and they carried on slowly. By the time Emma was down to a bite left, she was already half asleep. Regina sighed as she got up and took the plates. “Your Auntie ZeeZee and I are going to have a little chat about feeding you sweets just before dinner,” she called as she put the plates in the sink and began rinsing them off. She knew by the time she went back to the table, that Emma would be down for the count.

And she was right. Greeting her as she left the kitchen was Emma resting her head in her arms, eyes closed. Smiling, Regina leaned down to whisper in Emma’s ear. “C’mon, Little One. Time for bed.”

Emma gave a wounded sound when Regina made her walk to their bedroom, but she knew if she carried Emma, she wouldn’t get her to brush her teeth and wash her face. Emma was in slow motion as all of that was happening, and once they finally made it to the bedroom, Emma collapsed onto the bed face-first.

Regina took off Emma’s shoes and pulled her pants down from behind to get Emma into her pajamas, who barely moved. Emma’s t-shirt was good enough for sleep, and Regina went to the nightstand to get one of Emma’s pacis. Clipping it onto Emma’s shirt so she wouldn’t lose it in the night, Regina patted Emma’s butt to get her attention. “Under the covers, Em. C’mon.”

Slowly getting up on her hands and knees to crawl up to the pillows, Emma said, “Mama, I had chocolate chip with sprinkles.”

“Oh yeah?” Regina asked, turning the last of the question up to sound impressed.

“Uh huh,” Emma said sleepily as she crawled into Regina’s arms. “N, chocolate syrup too.”

“Wow,” Regina answered. “You’re a lucky girl, aren’t you?”

Instead of answering, Emma nudged her nose against Regina’s chest. She lazily rooted for a nipple, and Regina made it easier for her. As Emma latched on, Regina could tell right away that there was no way she was going to be able to stay up for all of her milk.

Yup, Regina was going to have a nice, long talk with Zelena about this. The jerk.

Emma was out before she finished the first breast, but Regina had to get up to do some file organizing anyway. She could pump as she worked. She crawled out of bed gently, and tucked Emma in, bringing her paci to her mouth and making sure that Pankie was nearby. As Emma sighed and suckled on her paci in her sleep, Regina combed some flyaway strands of hair out of Emma’s face. She leaned down to kiss her little one on the head, and flipped on the baby monitor at the bedside table. A couple of times a week, when Emma went to bed really little and Regina couldn’t sleep, she stayed up to do chores around the house or some work. Any night that Emma woke without Regina there turned to cries or asking after her, so the monitor had come in handy: she was able to get to Emma before any real anxiety took over. Though rarely waking up in the middle of the night, when she did, she was never outside of her little space. Usually, she never remembered in the morning, and Regina more than once had wondered if it was because she was half asleep or because Emma had truly regressed.

They had had several talks about Emma sometimes being on the edge of control. She had admitted, though it was very rare and always when she was half-asleep, that in her littlest moments, it was hard to tell the difference between who she was. However, Emma was very adamant: she hadn’t regressed. Regina wasn’t sure if that was certainty talking or Emma trying to convince herself that she wasn’t capable of it. It didn’t concern her very much. She’d never had the impression that Emma was completely out of control while awake and out and about.

Hearing Emma’s even breathing through the monitor she carried, she went into the study to do some last sorting of paperwork before leaving for Storybrooke in the morning.

***

“The only food in here is fresh poultry and fucking vegetables!” Zelena called from the refrigerator.

“Tell me about it,” Emma grumbled as her head was buried in her phone. She was sitting at the dining room table, trying desperately to pass the level she was on, but her unicorn kept dying. “Dammit!” she threw her phone down as her last life was used up.

“Well, that’s it then,” Zelena said as she came in, clearly giving up on the food in the house. “Ordering pizza it is.”

Emma grinned up at her. “Nah. Look under the bags of frozen fruit and veggies in the freezer.”

Whipping around, Zelena did so, and found what Emma had hidden buried underneath. “Bagel bites. You’re a genius, Little Dove.”

“Certified,” Emma held her head up in mock pride. “Behind that you’ll find some alphabet chicken nuggets. We can put those on top of the bagel bites.”

Zelena looked over and gave Emma a narrow eye. “Now that,” she grinned. “May just be a bit too far. Is this what you ate before moving in here?”

Emma shrugged. “I like waffles too, but Regina doesn’t mind making homemade ones, which are way better than the frozen ones.”

“Good lord,” Zelena scoffed as she started taking the bagel bites out of the packaging and reading the instructions. “No wonder my sister makes you eat your vegetables.”

“Don’t think she forgot about the ice cream the other night,” Emma said warningly as she came to turn the oven on. “I went into food coma.”

“Oh, trust me,” Zelena rolled her eyes and scooted Emma out of the way to mess with the oven herself. “I know my sister well enough to know she’s prepared an entire speech with bullet points to make sure I understand just how wrong I was. Scooch. I’ll handle this.”

Emma hoisted herself up to sit on the counter and watched Zelena put the food on a tray as the oven was preheated. “You think she’s gunna be okay up there?” she asked in a quiet voice, and winced when she heard the unintentional worry.

Zelena didn’t miss it, and she turned around to look at Emma. “She and Mother are more alike than they care to admit. They’re both very stubborn,” Zelena tried giving Emma a reassuring smile. “But she’ll manage. Don’t you worry.”

Emma looked down and started fidgeting nervously with her hands, pressing her lips together in thought. “I just…wish she wasn’t so hard on herself about it.”

Zelena finished putting the bagel bites in the oven to heat, and wiped her hands off on a kitchen towel. “You know your mama. If she’s going to do something, she’s going to do it right. I’ll bet she’s been working her butt of on this case?” She looked to Emma for affirmation, who nodded. “Well, she’s tough, but that’s probably taking a bit of a toll. Even with the emotional baggage around it, I’m sure she wants to do right by Mother, and it won’t be easy.”

Emma was quiet for a minute, continuing to fidget with her hands.

“Hey,” Zelena’s voice was closer, startling Emma enough to look up. Coming into Emma’s space, she Zelena gave her an affectionate brush on the cheek. “Everything’s going to be alright, Dove. You know that.”

Emma nodded before looking back down.

“How’re you doing?” Zelena asked, going into the fridge again to take out a beer. She opened it. “Regina mentioned that the court date wasn’t fantastic.”

Sighing heavily, Emma shook her head. “I froze.” I heard the shame in her own voice. “Prosecution said one thing to me, and I just…”

For a moment, things were quiet, and Emma knew that Zelena was waiting for her to finish. Finally letting a bit of frustration out, she scoffed and looked up at the ceiling. “I hate it.”

Zelena’s head cocked to the side. “Hate what, darling?”

“That it just hits me! One minute, I’m fine, and the next…it’s like being plunged down a dark tunnel. Like Alice in Wonderland or something. Like I’m just walking along going about my life and then something trips me, and I just start falling. And everything goes dark, and all the sounds change, and it’s like it’s happening right in front of me. All over again!”

Zelena was looking at her with thoughts clearly racing behind her eyes as she listened to Emma’s words.

“And I know you’re giving me tips and Archie’s trying to help. And breathing and stuff does help with anxiety, but they don’t…” she paused to lower her voice. “I’ve got no control when it happens, Zee. I disappear. Like Halloween? All I know is one minute I was standing next to Regina in the club, and the next, I was outside sitting on the curb. That’s it.”

To her surprise, Zelena smiled. A kind smile that resembled Regina a great deal. The same smile she sometimes got when trying to talk about hard things. “Let me ask you something, Dove. If you were to find out tomorrow that Mary Margaret or Ruby had diabetes or asthma, what would your advice be to them?”

Taken aback, Emma furrowed her brows. “Um…I guess, go to the doctor? Get the right medication?”

Zelena nodded. “Would you tell them to try and control it?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I mean, if diet and exercise or something helped, I’d tell them to do those things.”

“And those would probably help. But not cure them. Right?”

“Well, no.” Emma shook her head. “There’s no cure for those things. You just do the best you can.”

“Exactly!” Zelena smiled. “And Emma, there’s no cure for what you have either. You can take a doctor’s advice, you can take prescribed medicine, and those things will help. But they may not cure you, and at no point is that any fault of your own. Any more than it would be Ruby’s fault she didn’t cure her diabetes. You,” she said, coming forward and cupping Emma’s cheek with a kind hand. “Are incredibly strong. And brave. And you are doing absolutely everything you are supposed to be doing. But you, like Regina, are being too hard on yourself. Sometimes, things happen we just can’t help. And you shouldn’t blame yourself for it, Little Dove.”

Emma blinked, and swallowed, letting Zelena’s words sink in. Finally, she said: “Ruby doesn’t have diabetes, does she?”

At that, Zelena began to laugh, and turned back to the oven to check on the bagels, whose smell was starting to lay heavy in the air. “No, but we might manage that after this weekend. Let’s eat these weird pizza things and then go get some ice cream.”

***

Regina spent Thursday and Friday in Cora’s office, speaking with her adviser and publicist about what they were going to say to the papers. She made it clear that they had said too much already, and their best chance was to give as few quotes as possible. Cora seemed unhappy about this, telling Regina that she had an image to upkeep, and that denying the claims against her was naturally what her supporters wanted to hear while maybe casting doubts in those that weren’t on her side. Regina kept her thoughts to herself in front of the other two in the room, but she was going over what she was going to say to her mother in her mind to get her to see: there was enough evidence to make it obvious what had been going on.

Sidney Glass had been acting Sheriff of Storybrooke for nearly twenty years, and the history he had with Cora was expansive. She’d helped him get the position after a decade of writing for the local paper, The Daily Mirror. In general, he had done a decent job, if making sure that all of the fishermen in town had their licenses up to date was considered a decent job on the sheriff’s part. Not much happened in Storybrooke except the occasional drunkard or petty theft. Once, a group of teenagers had run out on their bill at Granny’s diner, but since Granny recognized them and knew all of their parents, the issue had been cleared up without much interference from Sidney.

How long ago his affair with Cora had started, Regina didn’t know, but while they had taken a break after Henry’s death, they had started up again at some point. Regina assumed that with her father out of the way, Cora had become much more lackadaisical about hiding their tracks. However, continuing the affair during business hours had been a mistake that was bound to catch up with them, particularly once they started using tax payers’ money to take trips out on yachts and weekends out to Portland.

The lawsuit had several witness testimonies, including Granny, who had given Cora a room for what she had claimed had been for one of her daughters coming to visit. Granny hadn’t thought much of it until she noticed that neither of the girls had come to say hello to her during their stays, which was unlike Regina or Zelena. After that, she started paying more attention when Cora did rent a room, and low and behold, realized that Cora herself was using it.

Granny had thought it was strange, but hadn’t asked a lot of questions. That was, until it occurred to her that Cora’s next door neighbor was a man named Leeroy, who happened to be the town gossip. He’d inherited the house from his grandfather, along with a lump sum of money that essentially left him with nothing but time on his hands, which he spent drinking, trying to pick up on the local nuns, and gathering information on the town’s aristocracy. At that point, she figured Cora was using the room to keep something away from Leeroy’s prying eyes.

Things spiraled from there. Numerous fishermen had seen the two of them looking closer than usual on expensive sail boats, and plenty had noticed that Cora and Glass were nowhere to be found in their offices at the same time during the day. After a few years, the evidence piled up until the newspaper finally started doing some investigative journaling. By the time they had gone through the town’s finances, there was far too much unaccounted for that Cora and Glass couldn’t explain. Making it worse was that Sidney Glass was married with three children.

“It might be prudent,” Cora started as she sipped on a glass of scotch, “to add to the defense the fact that after my husband’s death, I sought out companionship.”

Regina looked up from her notes. They were alone in Cora’s house now after a long day of phone calls with the prosecution and writing up a layout of actions for their publicist. She eyed her mother, annoyed. “Mother, if I thought that was a good idea, I would have told Billy to do that earlier,” she said, referring to said publicist. “But seeing as how The Daily Mirror already dragged Daddy into this by referencing his suicide as a possible way to cope with your infidelity, I’d say not.” She worked hard to keep her tone even. Talking about her father’s death in such a candid way was like working new muscles for the first time: it felt unnatural and heavy, and she could tell it was going to ache later.

Cora seemed unperturbed, and gave Regina the Mills family expression that clearly indicated the other’s idiocy. “I meant _platonic_ companionship, Regina, obviously.”

Regina pursed her lips. “Mother, I keep getting the impression that you aren’t catching what I’ve been trying to throw out to you.”

At that, Cora cocked her head, and an amused smile came over her face. “What do you mean, dear?” she laughed lightly, and it was starting to make Regina’s neck prickle with the amount of relaxation emanating off of her.

“You can’t just come up with these random quotes to chuck against the wall and hope that they stick. You’re in a very serious predicament, which is why we just spent the last ten hours talking with two other people about the precise way that things need to be carried out. We need to be pragmatic. I need you to promise you won’t undermine any of that by going out there in front of microphones and just saying anything you want to say without considering that it might come back to bite you later.”

Cora had the audacity to roll her eyes, and she took another sip of her scotch. “Honestly, Regina, you’re making it sound as though I have no idea how publicity works. I’ve been mayor of this town for a long time.”

“No,” Regina countered, finally putting her pen down and folding her hands in front of her to try and ground her annoyance. “I’m not making it sound as if you don’t know how publicity works. I’m making it sound as if you don’t know how the law works, because clearly you don’t. I can’t help but feel like you don’t consider this to be a big deal.”

“Regina, of course it’s a big deal. I get that this is going to cause a wave, but…”

“A wave!” Regina scoffed. “Mother, were you in the room with us today?”

Finally, the stony stare that Regina recognized all too well came over Cora’s face, and she focused it on Regina as she stopped twirling the ice in her scotch. “What do you mean?”

“You hired me to look over your case. And I did. I have been. And I’m telling you, Mother…I’ve been trying to tell you…this isn’t a wave. This is a tsunami.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Regina’s control was starting to wane. She honestly wasn’t sure how much clearer she could spell it out for her mother, who seemed to be under the impression that with the right people flanking her, she was untouchable.

“It’s supposed to mean,” Regina’s voice began to raise, “that you need to start considering the reality of the situation here. This is going to hurt, Mother. Do you get that?”

Cora’s eyes turned icy, and her lips thinned. “That’s why you’re here. To make it go away. Are you telling me that you aren’t capable of that?”

Regina’s mouth was open, and she gave a tiny little laugh before she said: “No, Mother. I am not capable of that.”

For a moment, they were quiet. Cora let out a little grunt that told Regina she had just completed a thought in her head, and then downed the rest of her scotch before getting up from the table. “Well,” she raised her eyebrows, and walking over to the kitchen counter to fill her glass. “If you can’t do it, I’ll just have to get someone better.”

For a moment, Regina froze. She thought she’d heard wrong, and tilted her head to the side. “What?”

“You can go home, Regina. I’m sorry I brought you into this. You tried. Thank you for that, but I’ve got another contact I can use.”

As if she had just told Regina what the weather was going to be in the morning, Cora took a sip and began to walk out of the room, her head held high.

Stunned and amazed, Regina felt the words leaving her throat before she had time to process saying them. “Are you out of your fucking mind!?”

Cora froze in the entryway. Regina had never in her life spoken to her like that, but far from being afraid of her mother’s reaction, Regina was on her feet and staring at her back incredulously.

Turning on her heel and facing her daughter, Cora’s eyes looked like they would grow lasers and cut right through Regina. But she stood her ground and gave her the same thin-lipped glare. “What did you just say?”

“Mother, I do this for a living. I prosecute people. And I win. A lot. I’m telling you right now that if your case had ended up on my desk, I’d have had a field day. I’d have felt I hit legal gold. I wouldn’t even have to try very hard to put you under. Do you get that?”

For the first time, Regina saw Cora’s eyes flicker with something that looked like worry. “What are you saying to me?”

“What I’ve been trying to say!” she yelled. “Mother, you’re expecting me to pop out of a magic lamp and grant you the wish of a disappearing act. But that isn’t going to happen, because I’m not a genie, and we don’t live in a fantasy world. You’re going to be charged, Mother, and the very best you can do is take a plea deal.” When Cora didn’t say anything, she pressed on. “Go ahead and call your other lawyer friend. Have a ball. But they aren’t going to be a genie either. Because they don’t fucking exist! And neither does your innocence! You can’t win this, Mother, you’re caught! I can help lighten the blow, but the blow _is_ coming. Your career is over. Your good name will be dragged through the mud. And honestly, you’ll be happy just to not serve prison time. You’re going to lose a lot of money, you’re going to have to retire, and at some point, you are going to have to accept all of that. Because it _is_ coming!”

“Since when do _you_ get to lecture me about acceptance?”

Cora might as well have slapped her in the face. Of all the things Cora could have said in response to her rant, that wasn’t what she would have expected. Regina breathed out an ironic laugh, and looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head. “You know what, forget it. You’re right, I’ll go home. Where I’m wanted.” She began charging out of the kitchen passed Cora, who Regina should have known wasn’t going to let her have the last word. When she reached the front door of the house, Cora called behind her.

“Sure, go home to your ridiculous little girlfriend. Spend as much time with her as you can before you ruin that too.”

With her hand on the handle, Regina felt her eyes close to try and control the tears she could feel stinging the back of her eyes. But the last thing she wanted was to give Cora the satisfaction of those tears. The air became thick. Quietly, Regina said: “You cheat on my father, and he ends his own life. After all that, I come to your aid when it blows up in your face…again…and you don’t take my advice.” She turned her head slowly to look at Cora, who despite everything, she was pained to see looked stricken and heartbroken looking towards her daughter walking out the door. She kept her voice the same quiet tone with the next words out of her mouth before leaving her mother’s house. “You talk about Emma like that again, and I’ll help the prosecution bury you myself.”

***

Furiously throwing her jacket on the bed of her rented room at Granny’s Bed and Breakfast, Regina heard her phone ring. Seeing that it was Emma on the caller I.D, she picked it up. “Hi,” she said, a rush in her voice as she began collecting her various things around the room.

“Hey,” Emma’s voice was bright. “How’d today go?”

“I’m coming home,” Regina answered as she threw a pair of her shoes in her suitcase.

“You’re…what?”

“Mother has just fired me. So, I’m coming home.”

“Regina, wait.”

She shook her head even though Emma couldn’t see her. “This was a mistake,” she said, and heard the break in her voice threatening just at the edge of her sentence. “I should have known she would take it this way. It’ll take me a couple of hours, but…”

“Regina,” Emma’s voice had turned very low and serious, cutting her off. “You aren’t going anywhere tonight.”

Stopping what she was doing, Regina brought herself up to her full height. “She fired me, Em,” she argued incredulously. “There’s no reason for me to stay here.”

“No, I get it. But Regina, it’s late. You’re tired; I can hear it in your voice. And you’re clearly upset. I don’t want you driving anywhere tonight, much less two hours through the woods to get home at midnight.”

Regina wanted to give a counter argument, but she didn’t really have one. Other than really wanting to get home, she didn’t have an excuse. And Emma was right: she shouldn’t be driving after having her nose in paperwork all day and then a huge fight with her mom. She let out a defeated breath, and slumped on the bed. “I shouldn’t have come,” she said in a small voice, and it was thick with tears that were about to show.

“Yes you should have,” Emma said kindly. “Your heart was in the right place. You tried to do a good thing for your family. Don’t beat yourself up, R’gina. Your mom might not be proud of you, but I am.”

A little smile broke over her face then, and Regina sighed. “I’ll leave first thing in the morning, okay? I wanna get home to you.”

“Okay,” Emma answered, and Regina hung onto that voice, closing her eyes and wishing it was whispering just by her ear. She wanted Emma so bad, she felt her chest ache.

But the aching in her chest were her full breasts, and once Regina got off the phone with Emma, she set up the pump. As soon as she sat down with it, the tears came. Most days, the strange, unnatural suction of the pump didn’t bother her. But when she was emotional like this, and already felt Emma’s absence, it was nearly downright unbearable. It took longer than usual, and by the time she went to pour her unused milk down the bathroom drain, it had nearly been 45 minutes. However, even though she wasn’t a fan of pumping, it had managed to do one thing: create a diversion. Now, she was sitting alone, it was eleven o’clock at night and the sleepy town of Storybrooke was just that: asleep. She tried the television for a little while, but Granny only had rabbit ears on the box that held three channels, all infomercials at that hour.

In the end, she decided to go down to the docs and walk around. The night felt like ice on her face, but she ducked into her heavy pea coat and walked slowly by the tiny houseboats filled with sleeping fishermen. She idly wondered who her mother had in mind to replace her, but before she went too far down that rabbit hole, she stopped herself. She couldn’t think about that anymore. If Cora really wanted Regina out of the case, then that was exactly what Regina was going to do: stay out of it. She wasn’t going to talk about it with her ever again. In fact, she’d be surprised if she and Cora talked about much of anything again.

After all of that, she’d been right in the first place. She shouldn’t have tried to help her mother. However, for the first time in her life, saying ‘I told you so’ to Zelena didn’t sound appealing in the least. She’d actually hoped for a while there that her sister had been right, that she and Cora could patch things up, could move on from what happened with her father. And maybe they could. But Regina would always have to keep her distance; she and Cora were just too different.

Henry’s face flooded Regina’s head. He’d been so happy for her when she had gone to college, despite it meaning she would be going away from him. “What will you study?” he’d asked.

“I don’t know. I thought maybe I’d like to teach.”

Henry had smiled at that. “Your mother won’t be happy.” And they’d both laughed together. She thought about his fountain pen, and wondered, not for the first time, if he’d be proud that she had decided to follow in his footsteps by becoming a lawyer, or if he would have felt she was trying too hard to hold onto him by shifting the plans for her life so drastically. And then she thought about her mother giving her that pen, how happy she’d seemed handing something so precious over that clearly meant so much to Regina. Was there ever any way to sift through the contrast of Cora’s actions and words? If so, she’d never managed to navigate it. She’d never had to wonder whether or not her father had loved her; he made it so obvious. What was so hard about her mother doing the same?

She walked until the smell of the cannery replaced the fresh sea air, and then she turned back to head in. The walk hadn’t made her heart pump hard enough to warm her body, and she shivered as she shrugged out of her coat for the second time that evening. As she hung it for the night and went to turn the thermostat up, a knock came at her door.

She jumped, and immediately looked at the clock sitting on the bedside table. It was twelve thirty in the morning. She thought Granny must have seen her walking around and come to check on her. Sometimes Granny was at the diner well passed closing hours getting food prepared for the morning shift. “Granny?” she called as she went to the door.

“Regina?”

She recognized the voice that was clearly not Granny’s on the other side instantly, but didn’t believe it. Hastily unlatching the lock, she flew the door open to see Emma standing before her, hands stuffed in the pockets of her red leather jacket. “Hey, babe,” she said, that lopsided grin that made Regina’s knees weak spread across her face.

Hardly believing it, her mouth hanging open, Regina breathed out: “Emma…” and dove forward. The moment she felt herself against Emma’s body, she couldn’t get enough of it. She squeezed Emma tightly, and buried her face in the crook of her neck. After the day she had had, Emma’s arms were the only place in the world she had wanted to be, had been aching for it for hours now, and couldn’t believe that it had appeared out of nowhere for her. It was too much. The surprise of Emma’s appearance and the feeling of being held by her made all of Regina’s inhibitions fly out the window. A sob wracked through her body with such force, another one followed right after it.

Emma’s hands came out of her pocket to catch Regina, and at first, she laughed. But the moment she realized Regina was crying, her humor disappeared. “Hey,” her arms came around Regina tightly, a hand cradling Regina’s head as she whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

“Emma…” Regina pulled away to look up into the face she loved, and despite the concern in her eyes, Emma smiled. “What…how?” Her hands were on Emma’s face, eyes going over her features as if to memorize every line there.

Emma brushed a tear off of Regina’s cheek with the pad of her thumb. “I was buzzing from work. Caught this real dirt bag. So I wasn’t really tired. Then I talked to you and I could tell you weren’t in a good place, but I didn’t want you driving. You sounded so angry and tired. But I wasn’t and I knew you were lonely so…here I am. Thought you could use a nice surprise.”

Regina laughed a watery laugh, and jumped back into Emma’s embrace. “God…I love you.” Her words were muffled as she buried her face against Emma’s shoulder again, and she felt Emma sigh as strong arms wrapped around to comfort her.

“I love you too,” Emma whispered, and Regina felt a kiss being placed on her temple. “In fact,” she said, her voice trying to turn up. “If I remember right, this is the same place we said that for the first time.”

Regina didn’t have words to answer. Another sob escaped her, and she held onto Emma as if she were a life vest.

“C’mon,” Emma coaxed Regina further into the room, and pulled them apart to close the door. She sloughed off her jacket, and took Regina’s hand. Regina allowed herself to be guided to the bed, where Emma had them lay down and came up behind Regina to spoon her.

Regina grabbed hold of the hand pressed against her stomach, and their fingers entwined naturally. She squeezed, and they made a fist together. The ache in her chest from the fight with her mother and thinking about her father inched to a new feeling, one of wonderful, heavy emotions for the one holding her.

Holding her. She peered down at the strong arm around her, wrapping a warm blanket around her nerves. An odd feeling came over her: the thought that in these arms, nothing outside could touch her. Hardly ever being held by Emma, it was a novel, comforting sensation. If she could just hold on…if she could just stop this moment…the world and all its worries and heartbreak could melt away. She trusted that. She trusted that Emma would keep it all at bay.

“Thank you for coming.” The last word died against the small break of her voice, and another tear rolled down her cheek.

Emma held her tighter. “Do you wanna talk about it?” she whispered behind the shell of Regina’s ear.

Taking a shaky breath, she nodded. “Tomorrow, over coffee.”

“I love Granny’s coffee,” Emma said, and Regina could hear the smile in her voice. The next words, however, held more weight. “It’s gunna be okay, R’gina,” she whispered, resting her cheek against Regina’s shoulder blade. “I promise. Cuz I’m gunna be here with you. No matter what.”

Regina couldn’t help letting another wave of emotion hit her, and she instinctively melted against the force field that Emma was creating with her arms as the tears fell down her face. She felt Emma’s nose nuzzle against her jawline, and she squeezed Emma’s hand tighter. “It’s okay,” Emma whispered, her voice the most wonderful, soothing sound she could imagine in that moment. “It’s okay…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, Cora's a bitch, right?
> 
> Anyway, there's been a few conversations on the side about the balance in their relationship, and Emma stepping up to the plate when Regina needs her. That can tend to get lost because of their dynamic, but for me, it is very important to show that really the only way this type of relationship has any longevity is to make sure that there is a balance of emotional support. Though we tend to see Regina being the main caregiver, they don't have a relationship where Emma just takes and never gives. I think I've shown that a bit in the past, but now that Regina is starting to go through some real struggles, it's becoming much more prevalent. 
> 
> Also, a little sneak peek into Emma and Zelena having their own time, which has been a very popular request.


	31. Baby

It took Emma a moment to gather her surroundings. The only familiar thing was the person beside her in the bed, and she clung to that as she came to. Soon, the fogginess cleared, and the night before came flooding back to her. Emma was on her back, and thrown over her legs was on of Regina’s own, her arm draped around Emma’s middle, and she was using Emma’s chest as a pillow. Emma smiled to herself when she realized that Regina was with her, but it waned a bit at the memory of Regina’s face the moment she’d opened the door. She’d looked so sad and alone. Seeing Emma there had made her break down, which showed just how vulnerable she was. Whatever had happened between her and her mother the previous night, it had really shaken Regina up.

She kissed the top of Regina’s head, causing the brunette to stir and hum in response. Emma felt the body against her come alive.

“Morning,” she whispered, hugging Regina closer to her.

“Emma,” a little sigh, and Emma knew that Regina was being reminded herself that she wasn’t alone. “What time is it?”

Emma looked to the bedside table. “Seven.”

Regina hummed again. “Granny’s just opened.”

“That means coffee…” Emma smiled, and felt Regina chuckle.

“You’re not getting a drop of that until you nurse. I can barely move my arms.”

Emma replied by kissing the top of her partner’s head again. She didn’t need an explanation for the comment. Whenever Regina was emotionally charged, she had more milk than usual, especially when she didn’t have access to Emma, but needed her. For reasons Emma could not explain, Regina’s milk was very connected to her emotions.

In unison, they pivoted, and Emma was now on her side, facing Regina. She helped Regina lift her shirt, unclasp her bra, and she latched on to one of Regina’s full breasts. As if the milk that flooded her mouth wasn’t enough to make her head spin, the sigh that came out of Regina made Emma grasp her partner around the middle and hold on tight.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Regina’s voice quivered, mimicking her sounds from the night before, and Emma felt a hand come to cradle the back of her head.

She felt a sort of peace surround her, tether her to the woman she was against. She loved Regina, there was no denying that. The woman meant the world to her, had literally walked into her life and changed the course of it with a few small gestures and intentions. But more than that, Emma was slowly realizing, that she had never been closer to anyone before, never formed a bond so strong and intimate. Mary Margaret and Ruby were her close friends that had known her the longest. She could talk to them about anything she wanted to, but most of their years together had been spent with Emma not forming a very strong line of communication. She felt safe with August, who shared her values, and had her best interests at heart, but she and August’s bond was mainly based around the fact that neither of them were very good at sharing their feelings. These were the only true relationships she had ever formed in her life, the only family she’d ever known, and none of them compared to the intimacy she had gained with Regina. And since learning how to share and open up, it had actually made her other relationships stronger.

These thoughts went through Emma’s mind as she beckoned the milk that was only for her, from the person who she had shared more with than anyone else. Ever. And looking up at Regina, she saw that devotion in her dark eyes, gazing down at her as if she were just as irreplaceable, just as precious.

She unlatched, and kissed the flesh of Regina’s breast just above her nipple, bringing a hand up to massage it gently.

Regina gave her a smile, the arm that was wrapped around Emma squeezed tighter.

“Hi,” Emma whispered, smiling back.

“Hi, baby,” Regina’s eyes were soft and doting. She looked just a little tired, but also content. The quietude that surrounded them when Emma nursed had a huge effect on Regina, calming and serene.

Emma latched back on, her thumb rubbing gentle circles just near where her lips were attached. She closed her eyes, continuing with the caress. She loved this place. She felt safe here, safer than she’d ever felt. The world could crash down around her, but Regina’s arms would protect her from all of it. And this morning, she was conscious that Regina just may need the same from her.

“Did you bring a change of clothes with you?” she heard Regina ask softly.

She hummed a negative around Regina’s soft breast, and felt a tiny hitch in breath that the sensation it left for her partner. Then Regina chuckled, and she felt a kiss to the top of her head. Regina’s fingers began to rake through her long hair, gently combing through the tangles left in the night.

“We’ll go straight home then. And we have the whole weekend together now,” she mused.

Emma felt slight apprehension at the words. The idea of spending the entire weekend with Regina sounded wonderful, but she wasn’t sure if the easiest route was the right one that Regina should take. If she knew her partner at all, the argument between her and Cora had ended abruptly and more than likely with both of them saying things they would regret later. She wanted to give Regina the chance to try and end the visit on somewhat of a decent note with her mother.

But she also knew that if Regina needed to leave, then that’s what they would do. Neither she or Cora were going anywhere; if talking it out this weekend wasn’t going to happen, it could on a later date. Emma suckled just slightly harder to make sure than the breast she was attached to was completely empty, and then unlatched. Regina’s smiling face met her when she opened her eyes, and she grabbed hold of Emma’s body to sit herself up. Knowing Regina all too well, she received the message immediately: Regina wanted to cradle Emma in her lap. She let Regina guide her, and soon her head was resting in the bend of Regina’s arm, her unmolested breast being guided towards her lips. Regina preferred to hold her like this when she nursed, and in her more emotional moments, it seemed to provide a fulfillment that Emma was all too eager to give her.

So Emma curled closer into Regina, and nuzzled her nose into the breast she latched onto. Regina was looking down at her, a pensive look on her face, her eyes farther away than usual. She was watching Emma without really seeing her, probably far off in her head. Emma brought a hand up to cup Regina’s cheek, and she unlatched. Regina started just a bit too late, realizing that Emma had noticed she wasn’t in the moment.

“R’gina,” she murmured, caressing Regina’s cheek with the pad of her thumb.

In response, Regina turned towards the hand, and grabbed it gently with her own, kissing Emma’s palm as she closed her eyes. “I’m sorry, my darling,” she crooned.

“Talk to me,” Emma answered, and she once again took hold of Regina’s nipple and softly sucked. As milk hit her taste buds, she saw Regina’s reaction to the sensation pass over her face; pleasure and peace.

Still clasping Emma’s hand, she tucked it under her chin and held it there. “My mother said some hurtful things to me last night,” she started. “She’s in denial, but I know she’s worried. She goes on the attack when she feels threatened.” She sighed, and gave Emma a sad smile. “I think,” she said with a little upturn in her voice, a smile passing over her face, and she knelt down to bring her lips close to Emma’s forehead, “that the two of us should have our breakfast, and head home. I’ve done what I could.”

Downstairs, Emma and Regina were greeted by a very awake and cheery Granny, who wouldn’t let either of them sit down until she’d given both a big hug. “Good to see you back so soon, Regina,” she mentioned as she chucked her fingers under Emma’s chin and gave her a wink. Emma blushed and looked down, unable to help her smile. “Though I wish it were under better circumstances?”

Regina took hold of Granny’s arm, and the three of them walked to the booth at the back of the diner. “I know,” she said warmly. “But it looks like I’ll be going home today.”

Granny gave a knowing nod of her head, and sighed. “When I heard you were helping your mom out, I wondered whether the two of you would be able to work together. I’m sorry Regina,” she said as Regina and Emma sat down at the booth.

Regina shrugged and gave Granny her best smile. “It’s alright. I tried.”

“The town pretty much knows everything, huh?” Emma asked, flipping the mug that was set on the table right side up as Granny went to the counter nearby and grabbed the coffee pot.

“In all the papers,” Granny answered as she poured, nodding to the only other patron in the diner, who was sitting at the booth by the front with his body hunched over his plate. “And what they didn’t write, Leeroy over there has made sure everybody he comes into contact with knows.”

Emma peered over at the hunched figure, who if she didn’t know any better, was completely unaware of their existence.

“Hello Leeroy,” Regina called, neither friendly nor unfriendly.

The man called Leeroy did a double-take, and then turned around all the way to look at them. The feigned surprise at seeing Regina there didn’t fool Emma for a minute. “Oh, hi Regina,” he called in a gruff voice. “Long time no see, sister.”

Regina rolled her eyes, and put them back on Granny. “Thanks for everything, Granny. I’m going to check out of the room today.”

“Fair enough,” she said as she busied herself with making sure Emma had enough coffee. “You ladies want food to go with this?”

***

On the drive home, Emma following Regina in her own car, Zelena called. “Your brat made it to you okay last night?”

“Yes. Sorry if I interrupted any other ridiculousness the two of you were up to.”

“Nah. I’d already left for the evening.” She was quiet for a moment. “So, give me the rundown.”

Regina sighed, and told Zelena everything.

“Christ,” Zelena sighed. “That woman’s got some nerve.”

For the first time that morning, Regina felt the telltale stinging behind her eyes, and swallowed thickly.

“It is what it is,” Regina said simply.

“Ugh, I hate that sentiment!” Zelena scoffed. “Nothing just is, Regina. Everything’s what we make of it. And Mother managed to make a bigger mess of this than it already was.”

“Well, I tried to make it a good thing, if for no other reason than to try and patch things up with her. I think I might have just made things worse too.”

“Don’t say that, Bun. You did what you could. We both know how Mother is once she makes up her mind. I think you and I both inherited that little trait.”

By the time they reached their front door, Regina was more than glad to be home. Emma was being chivalrous by bringing her luggage up for her, and Regina allowed it with a smile. It seemed to make Emma feel better to do the little things for her. The house had a few telltale signs that Emma had left in a hurry before cleaning up whatever games she and Zelena had been playing: the card game Uno was on the dining room table, and leftover fast food bags hadn’t been thrown away. Emma quickly tidied them up as Regina unpacked and went to file away her mother’s case in the office. She put all of the paperwork in a large manila folder and set it in the very back of her filing drawer. The good thing about what had happened was she was hoping to never set eyes on the files again. It hadn’t been easy rummaging through her mother’s past like that, which was so closely linked to her own.

“You okay?”

Regina whipped around at the voice, seeing Emma standing in the doorway, watching her. She smiled. “Yeah,” she replied, finally closing the door. “Though, I think I’ve been going about this all wrong.”

Emma’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Coming forward, Regina ran a hand through Emma’s hair and smiled at her. “I’ve been working very hard lately on my relationship with my mother. But…” she sighed. “Maybe the relationship I need to start working on is with my father.”

Emma’s curios face turned to confusion, and she bit her lip before saying: “But he’s…”

She smiled at Emma warmly, and nodded. “Dead. Yes. But Zelena…she was right. I don’t think I’ve truly forgiven him for doing what he did.”

“He was suffering,” Emma reasoned softly. “You said so yourself.”

“Logically, I know that.” Regina said kindly. “I know that it takes true despair to do what he did. But the heart…it has its own logic. Emma…have you never had those thoughts? About your parents?”

Regina watched closely as Emma’s expression transformed. A shadow passed over her features, and Regina could see that behind those green eyes, a darkness lingered. She sighed and closed the gap between them, wrapping her arm around Emma’s waist and stroking Emma’s jawline with an affectionate thumb.

“There’s a difference,” Emma said quietly. “I don’t know anything about them. You…you know why your dad did it.”

Regina shook her head. “No. I don’t. I know his reasoning. But I have never, for the life of me, figured out why he didn’t think about the good things he still had. Why he couldn’t stay for Zelena, or…me.” For the second time that day, she swallowed the aching thickness in her throat. “And I think that’s what I need to forgive him for.”

The look in Emma’s eyes didn’t waver, and Regina studied her face. Her features were taught. She worried her lip with her teeth. “I think the only thing that makes sense is they thought we were better off…” Her voice trailed to nothing at the end, and Regina saw those eyes grow farther away.

“Hey,” she cupped Emma’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up…”

But Emma shook her head and quickly interrupted her. “Don’t be sorry. It was probably the only thing you could have said to make me really understand.”

Surprised, Regina blinked. Emma had never once mentioned the people who gave birth to her. Besides the Golds, she’d never even mentioned anyone from a foster home. For the first time, Regina wondered what Emma’s internal struggle with her origins actually was.

To her relief, Emma grinned. “You know, sometimes it’s funny to me how different the two of us are. And then how much we’re alike.”

Regina gave a tiny laugh in response, and her own body relaxed as she saw Emma’s do the same. She held Emma’s face more firmly with her hand, and smiled as she looked her pointedly in the eye. “You are irreplaceable. You are loved.”

It was Emma’s turn to look surprised. Regina knew, that despite all things to the contrary, Emma still struggled with the reality that she had people in her life that truly valued her. Regina didn’t know the origin of Emma’s parentage, where she had come from or why they had given her up. She wasn’t sure if Emma knew herself. But the fact was that here, in the present, it still lingered with her.

***

Regina heard nothing for her mother for the next few days, and by the middle of the next week, things seemed to have almost gone back to normal. Emma’s letter was finally accepted by the court, and both of their workloads had simpered down to a usual steady pace. If Emma weren’t careful, she would have dared to think that they could start simply living without the craze of the last few months.

Since Ruby and Zelena lived so close by, Emma and Regina met them for coffee in the mornings before everyone headed off to work. This was a routine that Emma could get used to, and she noted that Regina was happier for it. Despite all that had happened with her mother the week prior, having Zelena around was really having a positive effect on her. That being said, the two still bickered terribly, especially when Zelena managed to put Emma in the middle of it to get a rise out of Regina. However, around Ruby, they kept that part of their banter to a minimum.

“I really,” Ruby whined, nearly throwing her hands into Emma’s lap in a pleading way, “Would like for all of us to go out. We haven’t all gone out together since Zelena moved back.”

“Ruby,” Regina gave her a raised eyebrow, and sipped her coffee. “That’s because the way we usually go out involves The Dungeon. No thank you.”

“Oh!” Zelena squealed, surprising everyone at the table. “I haven’t been to one of those since college! Tell me, sister, do they still call you The Queen out there?”

Regina looked to Ruby for the answer, who gave a knowing smirk as she stirred the foam in her cup. “Nobody’s been able to live up to her reputation, if that’s what you mean. Though I’m really trying to give you a run for your money, Regina,” she winked Regina’s way.

“You can have it,” Regina mumbled, sipping her own coffee.

Emma looked at Regina, and cautiously asked: “Do you miss it?”

Regina nearly spit out her coffee at the question, and gave Emma an incredulous look. “Emma!”

But Emma shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame you. I’m sure it was fun.”

“While it lasted, yes,” Regina answered pointedly. “But I’ve had my fill, trust me.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t go out, Bun,” Zelena interjected. “Haven’t you all been since you got together?”

The question made Emma shrivel slightly, and she realized then with a pang why Regina was making it so hard to convince her that going out to The Dungeon was a good idea. The last time they had gone had sparked Emma’s first flashback.

Regina’s eyes darted her way, and she quickly lowered her own so that their exchange didn’t last too long in front of the others. She truly didn’t want to talk about her flashbacks just then. Being reminded of them when she was just trying to go about her daily life was bad enough.

“Once,” Regina said quietly, and though Ruby picked up on the problem, Zelena did not.

“It’s settled then. We’ll go out!”

Regina nearly groaned out her next words. “Can we go somewhere other than The Dungeon this time?”

But Emma, who was determined not to let anything to do with her past or present struggles get the better of her, shook her head. “But they have the fish tank there!” she argued, her voice going up just a notch that she knew Regina was going to pick up on. Despite what had happened at Halloween, Emma was a little irked that Regina seemed to be forgetting the good things that had come out of going to The Dungeon. It was where they met.

The mention of the fish tank did seem to spark the memory in Regina though, whose gaze turned soft as she finally seemed to conjure the memory of showing it to Emma that first time. “They do, don’t they?” she asked softly, and Emma smiled inwardly at her tone. She’d won her over.

The idea of going back was much more thrilling this time. At Halloween, Emma had hardly had any experience with Doms or Subs or Littles at all. Instead of being apprehensive about seeing the Littles there out in the open, she was interested to check them out, even if she’d have to do it stealthily around all her friends.

“I want you to dress like The Queen,” Emma announced the evening of as they were cleaning up dinner. It was exactly a week from them driving home from Storybrooke.

Regina spun around from the sink, and narrowed her eyes at Emma, a grin spreading across her face. “Is that so?”

Emma nodded fervently. “Uh huh.”

A warm smile spread across Regina’s lips, and she leaned forward to peck Emma on the corner of her mouth. “Mama will wear whatever you want, Little One. As long as you’re a good girl.”

Emma blushed furiously, anticipation getting the better of her, and she took advantage of the gesture to put her arms around Regina’s neck. “I’ll be good,” she cooed, and she saw a little flash in Regina’s eyes as she was studied.

Grinning, Regina wrapped her arms around Emma’s middle. Tightening her hold on Mama’s neck, she rested her cheek against her partner, and felt that she was being swayed side to side slowly. A little tune started to be hummed, and Emma felt a strange weight being lifted from her mind. Her feet felt lighter; her tummy fluttered just slightly. “I’ll be good,” she said again, this time the tenor in her voice sounded as light as she felt.

Mama pulled away to look her over, and Emma began to play with her lips with her fingers. “Of course you will be,” Regina kissed her forehead. “My sweet babygirl.”

The first thing Emma did when they got to The Dungeon was run as fast as she could to the fish tank. Without a thought to her group of friends she’d left behind at the entrance, she pressed her hands against the cold glass and watched as two giant goldfish came to greet her. She felt her grin spread ear to ear until a voice said: “Don’t tap on it, okay honey?”

She looked up to see a young woman bartender making drinks, and she winked at Emma as their eyes met. Emma gulped and receded from the glass just a little, a strange feeling in her stomach sitting right in the middle. Either she was being really nice and even flirtatious with Emma, or she knew she was talking to an overly-excited Little. The way she had actually spoken, with that little upturn in her voice, told Emma it was probably the latter. Emma retreated slightly and inwardly scolded herself for not keeping better tabs on her emotions and slipping.

As she brooded, she felt a familiar hand on the small of her back, and Regina leaned closer to her. “Be careful, Baby. Don’t break anything.” she whispered in Emma’s ear, just barely audible over the music.

Emma felt herself blush, and made herself stand upright. She looked behind her to see that the group of her friends were gathered just off to the side, laughing pleasantly with one another, none the wiser. David came forward and placed himself on Emma’s other side, but he didn’t give Emma a second glance. He was trying to get the bartender’s attention.

But the bartender saw Regina, and gave a tiny squeal. “My Queen!” she laughed. “You’re gracing us with your presence tonight? Where the hell have you been, lady?!”

Regina laughed, and Emma could see her chin held just a little higher than usual. She wondered if it was conscious, or if Regina simply felt more comfortable and like herself when she was dressed in her outfits and being talked to that way. “Hello, Ashley.”

“Rumors are you’ve given up your crown,” the bartender called Ashley said as she got a glass out and began to make a drink. Emma noticed it was Scotch; she was making Regina’s favorite drink without being asked.

Regina answered by putting a hand on Emma’s back, who was still gazing down at the colorful fish. “You heard right,” she brushed Emma’s hair out of her face, and smiled back at the bartender.

A knowing look seemed to come over Ashley just then, and she grinned widely. “Ooohhh,” she winked. “So that rumor was true too, huh?”

The way she said it sounded as if she thought this was absolutely scandalous, and Emma bit her bottom lip as she looked to Regina. Regina didn’t seem phased however, and ordered several drinks. She whispered to Emma: “Go get your Auntie so she can help carry these, hm?”

Emma jumped up and did just that. Before long, everyone had drinks thanks to the efforts of Regina and David.

“I’ll get next round,” August announced, the hand that wasn’t holding his drink intertwined with Zelena’s.

Ruby managed to drag Zelena out to the dance floor at one point, which according to her, gave Killian the opportunity to find a good partner for them to take home that night. Their group took up an entire couch in a corner of the club, giving Emma a wide variety of views. As Regina was occupied going back and forth with Mary Margaret about different color schemes for the wedding, Emma’s eyes scanned and landed on one of the cages propped up at the side of the dance floor. Inside was The Peacock she remembered from Halloween.

She watched for a while as The Peacock, no longer a peacock but dressed in a beautiful green cloak and knee-high brown boots, danced. She didn’t wear much underneath the cloak, and Emma swallowed at the thought of the under garments adorning Regina underneath her black leather dress. When she stood up, Regina gave her a questioning look, and she mumbled that she was going to go look around for a minute.

She wandered over towards the cages, and watched as a man wearing nothing but a leather G-string and a wolf mask danced inside one of them. When he realized she was watching him, he gave her a beckoning finger. Emma pressed her lips together hard, and shook her head. He shrugged and continued what he was doing.

“You’re Regina’s girl.”

Emma whipped around to see The Peacock looking at her through the bars of her cage.

Wordlessly, she nodded, and a kind smile came over the auburn-haired woman’s face. “I’m Belle,” she said. “It’s good to see you again. Feeling better this time?”

Emma felt herself blush, but she nodded again. “I’m Emma,” she called. It was hard to hear even herself speaking over the music.

“I’d come out and shake your hand, but I’m being punished. Not even supposed to be talking to you. Though I think my Master went to the bathroom, so I’m safe for now.” She winked.

Emma opened her mouth to say something, and then realized she hadn’t the foggiest idea how to respond to an announcement like that.

“Well,” Belle carried on kindly. “If Regina is here with you, tell her to come find me to say hi, will you?”

Emma felt stupid just nodding like a bobble head, but that’s exactly what she did. There was a strange feeling that settled over her when she was here, and the last two times she’d been, it’d been hard to pinpoint exactly what it was.

Thrilling, maybe. Terrifying, but not in a ‘I’m in danger’ sort of way. And what else? There was something else…

Emma’s eyes trailed towards an area just off the side of the cages, and realized that there was a mesh wall up in a large rectangular shape. Recognition hit her, and she walked towards it. As she came closer, she saw inside that there were about a half dozen Littles on the floor. Two of them were sitting with their legs crossed, exchanging hats on their teddy bears. Another was sitting on the floor by a set up bench, where they were clasping the legs of what looked to be their mama, shyly watching the other Littles play as they sucked their thumb.

Another was being scolded by a Daddy for trying to exchange pacis with their friend.

“It isn’t a peep show!” a harsh voice made Emma jump when she realized it was talking to her, and her mouth fell open to apologize, but nothing came out. She saw one of the Daddy Doms looking furiously at her for just standing there gawking at the scene, and Emma felt like she could start crying right there at his misconception of her interest.

“John! Don’t!” One of the Mommy Dommes got up from her seat on the bench and approached Emma standing there, frozen. She smiled kindly at Emma, who couldn’t think of a thing or word to say. “Hi,” she smiled. Emma noticed that she had flaming red hair like Zelena, and she was very tall. Her height made her tower over Emma as she stood on the other side of the mesh wall. “Did you want to come in and Play?” she asked in a kind voice, tilting her head to the side.

That feeling in Emma’s stomach did a backflip, as if she were on a rollercoaster upside down. Again, she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Thrilling, sure. Terrifying…yup.

“Emma.”

The voice behind her held instant recognition, and like a reflex, Emma whirled around and grabbed onto her safety net, burying her face in her mama’s chest.

Regina’s arms went around her instantly, and Emma felt her chuckle. “I was wondering where you had wandered off to,” she said in Emma’s ear. Then to the woman that had been talking to Emma: “She’s shy.”

“Regina!” the Domme replied, obviously surprised. “I knew it! The rumors are true!”

Laughing again, Regina held the back of Emma’s head. “Hello, Kay.”

“She’s adorable,” Emma heard the woman say, and though it wasn’t possible, she tried valiantly to bury her face further into Regina’s chest at the compliment. “Does she maybe want to come in?”

To Emma’s immense relief, she felt Regina shake her head. “Not tonight. I think she was just curious. Emma, can you say thank you to Miss Kay?”

Emma peeked her face out just a bit, but the second her eyes met Miss Kay’s, she dove back in to Regina, mumbling “thank you” under her breath.

“Come on, sweetheart.” Regina whispered to her. “Ruby and Zelena are back from dancing, and they were wondering where you went.”

Emma allowed Regina to lead her away, and she found herself clutching Regina’s hand with both of her own. Regina, thankfully, pivoted to the fish tank bar, which was clear on the other side of where their friends sat. Emma took the opportunity to try and switch back to where she needed to be to face them.

Regina must have known this, because as they approached the bar, she said, “take a breath, my love.”

Emma sat down on one of the stools and started watching the fish as Regina ordered her a drink. The bright colors and the relaxed way in which they swam instantly calmed her nerves. However, something was bugging her. In the last hour, two people had told Regina that they knew why she had stopped coming around. And that meant…

“So,” Regina broke her out of her reverie. “Were you planning to go inside The Playpen, or did you just want to watch?”

Emma looked up at Regina incredulously. She was about to tell her that obviously she hadn’t any intention of going inside, but realized by the smile on Regina’s face that she had known that. She couldn’t help but smile back.

They collected their drinks and two they had ordered for Ruby and Zelena, and headed back to their group. Emma noticed that Zelena and August were exchanging loving little kisses, and Emma wondered if August was just as grossed out watching her and Regina be affectionate with one another as she was seeing them do it.

However, she turned her attention towards Ruby, and handed her the drink she’d brought her. Ruby muttered a thanks as she took it, and Emma sat down next to her.

She didn’t say anything for a moment, and then right before she took a huge gulp of her thankfully very strong gin and tonic, she said: “You know.”

Ruby, who had taken her own sip, made sideways eyes at her, but didn’t say anything.

“There’s no way half of the people in this club know, and you don’t.”

She dared to look sideways at Ruby, and with a start, realized that Ruby was staring back at her very intently, a strange little smirk on the corner of her mouth. Finally, she nodded, and took another sip of her drink before answering. “You’re dating The Queen, Emma. The Scene was going to figure out what was going on. And Regina might have left it, but I haven’t.”

Shaking her head, her mouth slightly open at Ruby, she asked, “how long have you known?”

“Maybe October?”

Scoffing, Emma’s mouth fell open farther. “Why didn't you say anything?”

At that, Ruby laughed. “Would you have admitted it? Emma, I know you. You’re my best friend. I knew better than to approach you about something you weren’t ready to share.”

“Does Mary Margaret know?” she asked, her mouth feeling particularly dry.

At that, Ruby gave her a strange look. “Mary Margaret has no idea what a Little is, Em. But I think she’s figured out the two of you have a special dynamic.”

Emma was quiet for a moment. She hadn’t the slightest clue what to say. But she didn’t have to. Ruby nudged her in the shoulder. “So,” she said conversationally. “Did you check out The Playpen over there?”

Emma felt that rollercoaster flip in her stomach again. “Yeah, that’s not happening…” she trailed off as she took another gulp of her drink.

Ruby simply shrugged. “A lot of Littles like it.”

But Emma shook her head. “It’s only…for Regina.”

Another laugh. “Well, maybe one day you’ll feel a little more at home in your own skin.”

Emma was shocked silent again, mulling over those words. This felt strange, talking to Ruby so nonchalantly about this. She thought about standing there outside The Playpen, watching. She thought about everyone giving her that special smile. She thought about Regina being there the second she needed her, like magic. This place was strange, it was thrilling and terrifying. But it was also safe, it was also where she could be herself, be both. It had a strange sense of belonging…

By the time they parted ways with their friends and made it back to the apartment, Emma was pleasantly buzzed, and felt a strange sort of electric charge running through her body. Tonight had held many strange thoughts, some old and some new. But all of it, she realized, came down to one thing: that the woman she was sitting next to on their Uber drive home had helped her make it all possible.

When they made it to the elevator, Emma was behind Regina, nuzzling into her neck and kissing her there. She felt chills go down Regina, who giggled and started breathing unevenly.

“I was good,” Emma murmured, nipping at Regina’s earlobe and holding onto her waist. She rubbed the leather garment that was hugging Regina’s hips.

“You were,” Regina breathed out. “My shy little girl,” she chuckled, the words making Emma blush at the recollection of being spoken to by all of those strangers earlier.

“I’m not shy now,” she husked, and as the elevator door opened, Regina held her hand and led her down the hall.

“We’ll just see about that,” Regina mused, grabbing hold of Emma’s jacket and shrugging it off of her. She arched her brow at Emma. “Are you ready for your reward?”

Emma felt a thrill in her stomach, and bit her lip, nodding.

Regina smirked, and approached her. She leaned into Emma’s ear, and whispered in an authoritative, raspy voice that Emma rarely heard, but recognized instantly. “Then go to the bedroom, and take off all your clothes. I’ll meet you there.”

Emma didn’t have to be told twice. She tried not to run down the hall, but hurriedly stripped everything off her body as she heard the telltale signs that Regina was coming in. When the door opened, her jaw nearly dropped to the floor, and she could feel wetness already at her opening at the mere sight. Regina was wearing a purple leather garter belt and a matching bra. Her heels were still on her feet, and her curly hair was brought up in a clip, a few wayward strands coming into her face. The makeup she wore for the evening was dark, and it made her eyes look more animalistic than usual.

“Sweet Christ,” Emma said under her breath as Regina pivoted to the closet. Emma heard the sound of a box opening, and she swallowed at the familiarity of it.

Sure enough, Regina came out holding the Feel-do in her hand, and mischievous smile on her face as she finally came towards Emma. “I have a surprise for you,” she announced, her voice never wavering from The Queen.

Emma tried to swallow again, but her throat was far too dry. She yearned to have the taste of Regina return the moisture. However, when Regina stepped into her space, she realized that the bulb that had always been Regina’s end of the toy was being held at her own entrance. Looking down, Emma’s brows shot up, and she looked back up at Regina, gaping. “Do I….?” Emma really couldn’t swallow to save her life. “…get to top you?”

At that, Regina threw her head back and laughed. The sound of it made Emma shiver. Gathering herself, Regina guided Emma backward so she would be on the bed. “Sit down,” she commanded.

Emma did as she was told, her eyes never leaving Regina’s, who guided Emma’s legs apart and bent them up so that Emma was completely exposed. Then she brought a hand forward, and Emma’s whole body came to life as she felt two fingers begin to massage her opening. She finally broke eye contact as she sighed up towards the ceiling. Regina gave a little hum at feeling the amount of wetness that was already there for her at Emma’s slit.

She allowed Regina to prepare her, one of her hands coming up to grab onto the arm that was slowly at work. She let out a little whimper, and Regina shushed her. “You’re being a good girl, Emma,” she mused, finally bringing the bulb up to Emma’s opening. Emma felt the pressure there, and Regina came closer, holding the back of Emma’s head and kissing her temple softly as she inserted the toy inside her lover.

Emma let out a tiny cry, her walls immediately closing around the bulb, her whole body tensing at the sensation. She realized as Regina held her that she had grabbed on tightly to those strong arms, and she managed to take a calming breath as she let them soothe her. “That’s it,” a kind whisper at her ear, gentle and comforting; Mama. “Now,” she felt hands underneath her arms, as if she was about to be raised up, and realized that Regina was trying to scoot her further on the bed as she sat. She tried to help, but the toy inside her was such an intense feeling. She was so incredibly turned on that she wasn’t sure just how long she was going to be able to keep her composure. Her eyes fell on the cleft of Regina’s breasts being held tightly by the purple leather bra. Their bronze color matched perfectly with the shade. “You stay there,” Regina’s words were more commanding, and Emma realized with wide eyes that Regina was crawling forward and then wrapping a leg around Emma so that she was straddling her.

Immediately, Emma’s hands went to Regina’s sides to hold her in place. Regina was sitting in her lap now, a hand coming up to gently caress Emma’s jawline. Emma realized with something like amusement and awe that Regina had found a loophole: she was going to let Emma fuck her, but she wasn’t going to let Emma _top_ her.

Smiling down, Regina lifted her hips up, and positioned her opening at the tip of the Feel-do. She held Emma’s face with both hands as Emma grabbed onto the bare cheeks of Regina’s ass. It wasn’t until then that she realized that Regina’s underwear had a clasp that allowed them to be opened at the bottom, and she had undone it as she positioned herself. Groaning, Emma closed her eyes, but they popped open as Regina lowered herself down onto the toy. The pressure as the bulb pushed against her walls released an intense pleasure as Emma held onto the lowering body tightly, feeling her face being held as Regina’s lips came near the shell of her ear. Just when she thought that nothing could feel better than what she was feeling, she heard the voice of her partner slipping out of character. “ _Oh_ …Emma…”

Fuck.

She opened her eyes and looked up at the face that had finally composed itself. Regina lifted her chin, looking shockingly in control, and she lifted herself slowly before slamming back down. Her hips hit against Emma’s just as Emma’s mouth fell open at the sensation. Before she had a moment to grasp just how incredible it felt, Regina repeated the action.

Emma felt her hips pivot upward to meet Regina’s rhythm, a hand coming up to the bronze skin of a ribcage, and her head coming forward. She pressed her nose into the cleavage just at level with her face, and felt a strange recalling of burying her face in Mama’s chest shyly at The Dungeon.

“Fuck me, Emma.” Gentle but firm. Absolute. Fingers found their way to one of Emma’s nipples and rubbed it between them at the same moment that Emma smelled the familiar scent of milk. She pulled away slightly to see faint wet spots on the purple bra. The realization made a swell of emotion hit Emma, and she buried her face there again, reveling in the scent and the feeling of this amazing woman against her.

Finding new strength and purpose, Emma thrust forward with all her might. The confinement of sitting was maddening, but she also knew that was by design. Looking at Regina’s satisfied face, she knew that the idea that she was being fucked while still completely in control was making this so much better for her partner. And hell, that made it all worthwhile. She squeezed a little harder, and it was responded to with firm hands grabbing both of her wrists and making them loosen their grip. Looking up, Regina gave her a pointed look, face flushed that bronze red and eyes black as black, and she slowed her thrusting above Emma. “No, please.” Emma whimpered. “I’m sorry…” She wanted desperately to thrust her hips forward to find that friction again, but she knew better. If anything could make this maddening pause worse, it was going to be that.

Regina hugged both of Emma’s hands into her own chest, just barely squeezing the wrists. “Do you want me, Emma?” she purred, finally letting go of them and guiding them to either side of her ribcage.

Emma took the guidance, and grabbed on as gently as she could. “Yes!” Her walls were starting to ache.

“Do you like being inside me?”

Again that voice. Emma tried to answer, but the words died on her lips when she finally felt the bulb clench at her opening as Regina raised her hips slowly. An inaudible whimper came out instead, and the bulb shifted to pressing further inside her as Regina lowered herself down.

“Hm?” she coaxed as she brushed the back of her fingers over Emma’s cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” Emma blurted out, and the genuine amusement on Regina’s face made her blush.

“No,” Regina answered, leaning forward despite what she said. She stopped her lips an inch away from Emma’s, and whispered: “But I’ll kiss _you_.”

The moment their lips pressed together, Emma thought she was in sensory overload. Regina’s hips raised quickly and came crashing back down, eliciting a cry that made their mouths come apart all too soon. But Regina made up for it by wrapping her arms around Emma’s neck and holding her tightly, finally beginning to ride her with the same zeal that Emma felt rising in her tummy.

“Do you like this, Little One?” Regina breathed out through her pumping, allowing Emma’s hips to collide with her own with much more force now that she was farther gone.

Only able to groan in response, Emma clenched around the bulb tighter as she felt it slide in and out of Regina with much more resistance.

“I love this,” Regina continued, nipping at Emma’s ear hard enough for her breath to hitch. “I love fucking you. I love how wet you’re making me. I love how hard I can tell you’re going to come…”

Emma’s hands lowered and grabbed on to Regina’s ass again. She tried valiantly to not squeeze too hard and be reprimanded while still getting the point across that she needed Regina to keep her rhythm.

It seemed to work. Regina didn’t let up, her breath finally harder for her to catch, and she tightened her own grip around Emma’s neck. Emma focused on Regina’s uneven breathing by her ear, and chased the buildup that was starting to gain strength inside her. She could feel the same happening to Regina, and the idea of her partner coming nearly sent her over the edge. She cried out.

As if Regina could read her thoughts, she pressed against Emma forcefully, and whimpered against her ear: “Don’t you _dare_ come without me,” in a voice that held nothing but desperation now. It made Emma bring her arms around Regina’s middle as she realized that they were the only two people left in the room.

Emma was about to lose control, and she squeezed her eyes shut, burying her face in the crook of Regina’s neck, the sound of their partnered cries almost breaking her resolve.

And as if the fates realized she was about to lose this battle, she felt Regina’s body go rigid and grab onto her with uncontrolled abandon. The moment she felt it, relief swept over her just before her own peak hit. For the smallest of moments, they froze together, Regina’s legs pressing against Emma’s sides almost enough to knock the breath right out of her, their hips digging furiously into the other’s. And then the release had them both rocking, their breaths coming out in rapid succession, loud and satisfying. Emma was sure she was going to bruise Regina’s skin with how hard she was holding on, but she had no control over the tension in her muscles as her orgasm ripped through her.

“Oh!” Regina cried, the sound of it permeating the air and forcing Emma to fall back. Regina fell with her, landing on top of her, and the two continued to thrust through the waves of their orgasms.

As Emma felt the last of her release begin to leave her, she felt her sweaty scalp being massaged as nails combed through her hair. Regina kept her full weight off of Emma, making them roll over so that she could cradle Emma to her chest.

Emma nuzzled in, her walls gripping the bulb of the toy inside her as a reminder of their lovemaking, and she sighed. This, right here, was exactly where she belonged.

***

The morning came through the window, waking Regina slowly. As she came to, she felt the thick covers over her naked body, and smiled to herself. Riding Emma had only been the beginning of their fun the night before, a little bit of alcohol sweetening the deal, and also the mood that it had put both of them in by being around their own kind at The Dungeon.

Regina didn’t exactly feel hungover, but she knew coffee would certainly help clear the fogginess in her head. As she sat up, she looked to the other side of the bed to see Emma curled around Fuzzy Bear, Pankie clasped tightly in one hand, and her paci just barely hanging out of her mouth in sleep. Emma had had a mini temper tantrum at about 4 in the morning, wanting milk. When Regina tried to reason with her that she’d had a late feeding just a couple of hours before, it fell on deaf little ears that she had to rock back to sleep during a tearful, exhausted fit.

Smiling to herself, Regina got up and threw on a shirt and jeans, heading into the kitchen to start the coffee. She knew the moment Emma smelled it, she’d wake up to follow it. When the coffee was done, she poured herself a cup, and chuckled when Emma still hadn’t come out. She must be exhausted, Regina reasoned. They hadn’t had a night like that in a while. And Emma had had a few emotions to sort through last night that probably added to her tiredness.

She paused taking a sip of her coffee when she thought she heard a strange cry. When she didn’t hear it again, she thought maybe she’d imagined it. But the moment she took a sip, she heard it again. That was odd. Emma never woke up in the morning fussy. And she didn’t usually stay in bed.

Just as she got up, her phone rang. Looking at the clock, Regina saw it was only seven thirty. Nobody called her at seven thirty on a Sunday, accept maybe Zelena.

Sure enough when she looked at her phone, it showed her sister was calling her. Another muffled cry from the bedroom, and Regina grabbed the phone before following the sound. She pressed the answer button. “What the hell are you doing up? I thought you’d be hungover,” she said. “Everything okay?”

The question nearly died on her lips as she walked into the room and saw Emma there. She was sitting where she had been sleeping, hair tousled all around her face, and tears streaking down her cheeks. One of her hands was outstretched to Regina, fingers making grabbing gestures as if to beckon her. The other hand was up to her face, thumb in her mouth as she sobbed around it.

 _Thumb_ in her mouth?

The fear in Emma’s eyes was plain until they landed on Regina. Genuine relief washed over her features, and her tears clearly turned happy as she reached out her hand. She’d been alone and afraid, but now knew it was going to be made better.

Regina stared, stunned. She only saw that look a handful of times, late at night, when it wasn’t clear if Emma was half asleep. Every single one of those times, Emma had never remembered it in the morning.

“Baby…” the word fell off her lips as Regina moved forward, her own free hand outstretched and eager to soothe those tears.

“Regina,” the voice to her ear nearly made her jump as she realized she was still on the phone with her sister. “Mother just called me. From jail. She turned herself in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATED NOTES: I had a few good people give me better terms for The Dungeon scene, so thank you! I made the edits. Also, I think I tried to be funny and people thought I was truly having a panic attack because I hadn't written anything yet. HAHAHA! I genuinely just wanted you all to read the chapter that was in my head, because I really enjoyed dreaming it up. I adore each and every one of your words of encouragement. So thanks to all!
> 
> Anyway, I will be out of town next weekend, so I won't have an opportunity to post on Sunday. However, I'm really excited to let you off of this cliff and meet a regressed Emma. Coming soon!


	32. Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before reading this, keep in mind I'm by no means an expert on mental health or Dissociation Identity Disorder or any of those things. I did a little research for the story, but there actually wasn't a whole lot out there about age regression. There's plenty of artistic liberty here. I mean, it is fiction so enjoy the ride!

“Bun…did you hear me?” the voice barely permeated Regina’s mind. She was so transfixed on the girl before her that it sounded as if Zelena were in a tunnel.

However, the tunnel began to clear as Emma gave a pitiful mewl, and finally brushing off her initial shock, Regina snapped into action. “I gotta go,” she said quickly, and though she heard Zelena’s protests, she hung up anyway, throwing her phone on the bed.

“Sweetheart,” she crooned, coming forward to fill the wishes of that reaching hand. She sat next to Emma, and pulled her in. Immediately, Emma popped her thumb out of her mouth and grabbed Regina tightly around the neck, burying her face in her chest. The warm feeling of Emma against her sent a wave of emotion through Regina, and she held on just as tightly, feeling the shaky breathing of quiet sobs. “I’m here,” Regina murmured. “Mama’s right here. Did you wake up all alone and think I’d left you?”

A hiccupped sob answered as Emma nodded her head, and Regina rubbed a soothing hand down Emma’s spine. “I wouldn’t leave you, babygirl.” She wondered fleetingly if Emma had a nightmare that prompted her to wake up regressed, or if it was just a buildup of other things. But right now, she had to figure out what this new Little One in front of her needed, how she ticked, where exactly she was in this headspace. The how and the why could happen much later.

“Hey,” she coaxed Emma to sit up, and held her face gently, looking into Emma’s eyes and trying to read them. They looked shaken and relieved all at the same time, an innocence there that Emma’s usual eyes never showed. “Everything’s alright,” she smiled, working hard to put her worry aside.

“Yeah?” The voice that came out wrapped around Regina’s heart and squeezed. She had only heard a few words in that voice: milk, Mama, Pankie, uh huh. In the middle of the night, this Emma had very few requests, half awake and wanting nothing more than to be held. Regina had soothed her back to sleep so many times, and had only dared to entertain the idea that something was different. But Emma had always shrugged it off in the morning. She’d clearly been asleep, she’d said. She’d probably just forgotten…

“Emma,” Regina gave her a kind, pointed look, smoothing a piece of wayward wheat-colored hair out of those innocent eyes. She hesitated with the next words, but knew she had to ask. She had to figure out what was really going on here, because the Emma she was holding was so absolutely vulnerable, that she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to answer. “What’s my promise to you?”

Sure enough, Emma stopped mid-breath and stared at her. Her eyebrows slowly knit together, and her lips disappeared as she pressed them into her mouth. She looked deep in thought and as if Regina had just asked her a trick question. Finally, she dropped Regina’s gaze, suddenly bored with the exchange, and pointed a finger down the hallway. “Mama, can I hab juice?”

The answer nearly knocked the breath of out Regina, and she studied Emma with only the smallest of pauses before her impatient little girl started wiggling around. Taking a deep breath, she reasoned that the only way to handle what was happening was to treat this as if it were any other morning with her Little One. “We need to have our milk first, don’t we sweetheart?”

Emma’s glassy stare down the hallway didn’t change, and still in deep thought, her thumb found its way back to her mouth. “Uh huh,” she mumbled around it.

“So…” Regina shifted so that she could stand. Immediately, Emma reached out her free hand. “How about you hold Pankie,” she grabbed the forgotten soother from the end of the bed, and Emma took it willingly, pressing it into her chest. “And we go sit on the couch, hm?” She leaned down to gently wipe away an old tear off of Emma’s cheek. Emma answered by hopping off the bed and beginning to toddle down the hallway. Every few steps, she would look down at her feet and curl her toes, as if she found something fascinating with them.

When they made it to the couch and she had Emma in her lap, Regina unbuttoned her silk shirt and guided her nipple near Emma’s mouth. Emma again popped her thumb out from in between her lips, and used the newly freed hand to begin playing with the buttons on Regina’s shirt. She took her first, purposeful suck, and followed it with a heavy sigh. Regina followed suit, feeling a part of the trepidation of Emma’s regression melt away. Emma hummed the theme song to one of her cartoons absentmindedly as she suckled, fingers playing with Regina’s buttons and then tapping lightly on her Mama’s chest with their tips. Her eyes were high in the clouds, nothing in the world bothering them. And that made Regina smile. This Emma, this sweet little thing in her arms, was peaceful. Those green windows into the soul behind them showed less haunts than ever.

Regina was broken out of her reverie as Emma unlatched and announced: “color?”

Smiling at the request, Regina lowered her hand and patted Emma’s bottom softly. “After your milkies. But we need to change you first,” she mused. Not only did she want Emma in more clothes than a t-shirt and underwear that she’d managed to put on her at four that morning, but she wasn’t sure if it was wise to have Emma out of a diaper until she knew exactly what she was dealing with.

“Then color?”

Chuckling, Regina leaned down and kissed Emma’s temple. “Yes,” she answered.

Emma seemed happy as a clam with the setup Regina had laid out for her once she was changed. Blanket spread out in the middle of the living room floor, crayons, paper, and playdough all around her, she tilted her bottle of apple juice up with two hands and drank before grabbing a piece of playdough and trying to wrap it around a crayon. She seemed engrossed in the activity until she got it just right, making something like a handle. A tiny piece of playdough had been left on her finger, and she inched it towards her mouth.

“No no, Emma,” Regina was there in an instant, taking Emma’s hand and brushing away the piece. “Not in your mouth.”

Emma didn’t comment, but grabbed a piece of paper to accompany her playdough-handled crayon, and set them on the coffee table. Looking serious as a heart-attack with this important task, she set herself to work drawing a less-than-perfect line.

Regina sat on the couch with her coffee and watched Emma intently. She’d dressed Emma in a diaper, one of her own sweaters and a pair of roomy jeans, but the slipper socks Regina had put on her feet seemed to be a point of irritating interest. Emma kept scooting them down her feet with her big toes. Regina was constantly hiking them back up, feeling the cold around those toes and hoping to keep them warm. Emma seemed to take no notice of her requests to keep them on, slowly inching them down absentmindedly as she played.

Emma hadn’t been interested in breakfast, but insisted that apple juice was the next best thing to Mama Milk. However, Regina had tried anyway to force some yogurt down her throat. It hadn’t gone very well, but the fact that Emma’s stomach was filled with nothing but alcohol from the night before didn’t seem like the best argument that Regina should use. Instead, she’d popped the spoon into Emma’s mouth at opportune moments as Emma set out all of her toys. She made a wounded face every time she was tricked, and then washed it down with her apple juice, giving a sideways stink eye Regina’s way as she sucked.

Regina tried asking Emma a few simple questions, all answers far too vague for her to make any type of assessment, if Emma even bothered to answer. She’d never been an overly-verbal Little, but at this stage, Regina wondered if she currently possessed the verbal skills at all. The things she had said were annunciated well enough for the most part, but she kept things very simple, and had yet to complete a full sentence.

Once Emma seemed to be done answering any line of questioning, Regina clipped one of her pacifiers to her shirt, and Emma took it instantly, hard at work with her drawing of something that was completely indistinguishable.

Now, as Regina watched her, wondering exactly what to do next, she heard her front door open. Her head whipped around, and she wasn’t the slightest bit relieved when she heard Zelena call her name. “Emma,” she looked seriously at the yellow-haired girl sitting on the floor next to her. “Stay here, okay?”

She jumped up and ran to the entryway, heading her sister off before she could come waltzing in on the scene.

“What are you doing here?” she hissed as quietly as she could.

Zelena closed the door behind her and gave her a deadpan look. Her hair was pulled up in a wild, curly bun, and she had bags under her eyes. It was too early for her after the night before, and she wasn’t in a good mood for it. “Hello to you too. You hung up on me, you asshole.”

“I…something’s come up,” Regina managed.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Zelena scoffed as she nearly tossed her bag onto the entryway hutch. “Did you not hear what I said to you on the phone? We’ve got a problem, Bun.”

A tinge of panic hit Regina’s chest. She had quite honestly completely forgotten what Zelena had told her on the phone until that moment. She’d been so engrossed with Emma’s new development that she hadn’t had time to process. Being reminded of it made her throat go dry.

“Yes, but I have more pressing things to worry about right now,” she said.

At that, Zelena narrowed her eyes. “What’s happened? Are you and Emma alright?”

Regina was quiet for a moment. “I have no idea how to answer that. Emma’s in the living room. Go and see.”

Zelena shot her a nervous glance before taking a tentative step to where Regina had gestured. Following closely, Regina saw that Emma was right where she had left her, still completed engrossed in her drawing, but that her pacifier was now dangling from her shirt. Seeing Emma there and happily coloring, Zelena looked back at Regina, amused. “She looks fine to me.” And then called to Emma. “Hello, Little Dove.”

Emma stopped what she was doing, and looked up, startled. She stared up at Zelena open-mouthed, eyes darting once to Regina, and then back again. She said absolutely nothing, looking nervously at the newcomer.

“It’s alright, Emma,” Regina said, feeling her heart skip a beat at the slightly panicked look that came over Emma’s face. Every instinct in her body wanted to rush to her and erase the fear she saw there, but staying calm was the best way to assure Emma everything really was okay.

Zelena looked back at Regina with her own startled expression. She was clearly taken aback by the fact that Emma hadn’t greeted her, much less seemed excited to see her. Auntie ZeeZee was like Disneyland to a Little Emma. “What’s gotten into her?” she whispered.

Regina shot her eyebrows up and down once, and whispered back: “Zelena, I don’t think she knows who you are. Or…who I really am.”

“What?”

“This morning, she woke up, and…” Regina bit her lip and lowered her voice even more. “Zee, she’s never done this. Only in the middle of the night. But…I thought she was just sort of sleepwalking. Dreaming.”

Silence for a moment as Zelena’s face twisted into incredulity. She stared at Regina for a moment before she scoffed and whispered back. “Regina, do you have any idea how rare true age regression is in adults?”

Feeling a bubble of anger begin to brew in her chest, Regina fought to keep her voice down as she seethed through her teeth. “I don’t give a shit about your statistics, Zee. I’m telling you that I know Emma, and the Emma sitting over there,” she pointed secretly to her side where Emma sat. “Is not an Emma you’ve ever met.”

Again, silence filled the space, and as Zelena looked back and studied Emma, something seemed to click in her eyes. They wandered back Regina’s way, looking thoughtful before she arched a brow. “Well. Then let’s figure out who she is, shall we?”

As Zelena began to walk towards Emma, a huge swell of protectiveness fastened over Regina’s body, but she fought to keep it at bay. She could see Emma’s body was rigid, and she truly wanted Emma to feel unafraid and comfortable. But she also knew she needed to trust that Zelena would know how to handle the situation. It was a surreal feeling of wanting what was best, but also wanting to keep this peace that Emma seemed to be in.

Zelena crouched down to be at level with a sitting Emma, and said in her usual sing-song voice: “Hello, Little Dove. What’re you drawing there?”

Emma kept her eyes on her paper. Her face was set, brooding. “Dun wanna go,” she mumbled out.

“Sorry?” Zelena cocked her head.

Emma shyly glanced up through her lashes, and Regina felt as though someone had just stabbed her in the chest. Emma’s eyes were wide and brimming with threatening tears, but her face was set, determined to stay strong. “Dun wanna go. Wanna stay.”

Zelena, looking absolutely flummoxed, turned to Regina. For a moment, they exchanged the same expression, until a light bulb went off in Regina’s head. Years had been erased from Emma’s consciousness, fastening her in the mind of a little girl. But there had been no time, not a single year or month or moment of any of her life that hadn’t been filled with uncertainty or insecurity. This was a little girl who had been shuffled from home to home, never knowing when the next move was, where she was going next, or who would be taking her. This was a child who, no matter how much she wished someone would hold her, keep her, love her, never got her wish. She had no idea who Zelena was, but she seemed to have an idea that Regina was her Mama, and that she very much didn’t want that to be taken away from her like everything else.

Her voice started shaky, but Regina steadied it with the conviction of her words. “Emma,” she crouched down next to her sister, looking Emma squarely in the eye. “Listen to me carefully. Nobody is taking you away from me. Understand? You’re staying here. This is your home. _I_ am your home. And you are mine.”

Emma’s jaw was still set, defiance clear. But the relief in her eyes was palpable as those shivering tears began to fall silently. Like a reflex, Regina came to her, and wiped them away gently with the pad of her thumb. “ZeeZee’s just here to visit. She’s not here to take you anywhere, baby. We won’t be forced apart. I promise you.”

“That’s right,” Zelena nodded, giving Emma a winning smile that was nearly returned. Nearly. “You’re staying right here, Little Dove.”

Emma’s eyes went back to Zelena at the confirmation, and she finally looked more relaxed. “You talk funny,” she blurted out.

“Emma,” Regina dipped her head down to try and hide the amusement on her face, completely failing in her attempt to correct Emma’s rudeness.

But Zelena just laughed loudly, and said: “I do, yeah. I grew up in England. D’you know where England is?”

Emma chewed on her inner cheek and shook her head.

“Everybody in England talks like me,” she said conversationally. “Well…sort of. Emma, can you tell me who this is right here?” Zelena asked, pointing at Regina. When Emma nodded, Regina smiled and winked at her, making Emma grin back.

“Mama,” she said, beginning to fidget with the crayon she had in her hands.

“Good girl,” Zelena praised kindly. “And do you know who I am?”

Emma kept chewing on her cheek, and gave Zelena the same look she’d given Regina at her question in bed earlier that morning. And then she looked down at her crayons and found the brightest red she could, and held it up. She gave Zelena her best smile as she seemed to finally come up with the answer. “Cran head!”

Zelena burst out laughing, and Regina couldn’t help herself either. Emma, looking proud that she had said something funny, began laughing too. She’d barely managed to annunciate her R. Emma wasn’t one to talk much when she was little, but when she did, she was articulate. Baby talk wasn’t really her thing. Every now and then, when she was half-asleep, things fell off her lips with less care. This Emma, however, truly tried to get the words out right, and didn’t quite make it.

“You’re not wrong there,” Zelena wiped an amused tear away from her eye. “I’m your Mummy’s sister. And d’you know what that means?”

Emma shook her head slowly, and gave Zelena a look that said she would like nothing more than to hear more of what Zelena was going to say.

“That means I’m your Auntie.”

Regina felt that squeeze on her heart again as she saw Emma’s eyes widen. Her mouth fell back open at the revelation, probably not exactly sure what it meant, but seemed to understand that it was something meaningful.

“And _that_ means,” Zelena smiled widely, “That you can tell me anything. Anything at all. And Mummy too. You can tell us anything and everything,” she gestured her hands out theatrically, making it sound as if what she had said was the biggest thing in the world. “All the happy things, all the sad things, all the scary things, all the funny and exciting things. Everything in the world. And then, once you tell all of those things, we get to share it together. Because we are family. And family means, we are never alone.”

Emma gaped at her. Regina didn’t know if she’d ever seen a more innocent look in all her life. She might not have fully understood “auntie”, but she clearly knew “family”. Family was a word that she’d probably heard many times, and knew she’d lacked. Family was what the ultimate goal was as a foster child. Achieving it was truly awe-inspiring, and that was reflected in the look she was giving Zelena.

“So,” Zelena continued on. “As your auntie, I’d like you to do me a favor.” Emma was quick to nod, still silently gaping at her new found family member. “I’d like you to draw Mama a picture. Can you draw Mama the best picture of all the happy Emma things?”

Emma nodded emphatically. “Uh huh!”

“Good girl,” Zelena winked. “Mummy and I will be at the table, alright?”

The two adults stood up and went towards the dining room table out of earshot of Emma. Regina poured her sister a mug of coffee, and topped off her own. Handing Zelena hers, she sat next to her sister and sighed.

“I do love working with children,” Zelena mused lightheartedly.

Regina ignored the comment, pinching the bridge of her nose and gathering her thoughts. “Is she going to be okay?” she whispered.

Zelena seemed surprised by the question, and took a sip of her coffee as she nodded her head. “’Course she is,” she said in a way that said Regina was stupid for even suggesting she wouldn’t be. It always got a rise out of Regina.

“Zee,” Regina stared her down, coffee next to her untouched and nearly already forgotten. “I need you to be serious with me. Okay? Please. Just tell me. Is she going to be okay?”

At that, Zelena paused and eyed Regina queerly. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Bun. Emma’s going to be alright.” Her tone had changed immediately be seeing the look in her sister’s face, and Regina felt relieved that she was going to start taking this seriously.

“Then what’s going on?”

“Well,” Zelena sighed. “Archie is really the expert on all things Emma, but if I’ve got her number right, she has always had a form of Dissociative Identity Disorder. It’s how she’s kept her trauma locked away for so long. Age regression…it’s sort of a branch of Dissociative Identity Disorder, to put it in laments terms. And it’s only been recently that her trauma has come to the surface. This coming up now isn’t all that surprising. Besides, didn’t you tell me that Emma has always had this Little side even though she didn’t know it?”

Regina nodded, thinking back to that first night at The Dungeon. “It’s what drew me to her so quickly. But that’s different than this.”

Nodding, Zelena took another sip of her coffee. “I’m getting to it. Look, age regression happens for the same reason her flashbacks happen; Emma has trauma, and she’s trying to find a way to cope with it. Sometimes she’s able to control it, other times she’s not. And she spent years with no outlet, shoving it all down deep inside. That has consequences. She might be specifically handling it this way because…well, since you two got together, she’s already used it in a way as an outlet. Except this time, she doesn’t have control. Something specific could have triggered it. Either way, she’s got to find a way to work through this just like her flashbacks.”

Regina gave a long, deep sigh, and leaned over the table to bury her face in her hands. There were two emotions overpowering her senses, overwhelming her. The first was that protectiveness she always struggled to control. Many times, she was able to do just that, especially when Emma made it clear that she was being too protective at a given time. But now, it consumed her. Her thoughts dwelled on that little girl lost in the system, dropped like a money bag into homes where junkies and abusers made her fend for herself, took away things that would soothe her, never spent a moment nurturing her abilities or desires or even just making her feel safe. It was heartbreaking. It was heartbreaking and something that she could fix now, wanted to give as much of it as possible, longed to see those eyes light up at the smallest little gestures like she had seen so many times in the past months. And the other feeling, less powerful, but still very present…

“This isn’t your fault, Bun.”

Regina couldn’t help but laugh against her hands, finally coming up to throw her weight against the chair and look up at the ceiling. “Right. None of this happened to her before me, but now it’s all happening. But that’s not my fault…”

“Yeah, you just made my point for me,” Zelena said. “She’s coping, Sis, which is a lot more than she’s ever done before. Be proud of her.”

The words made Regina finally sit up straight, and she gave Zelena a genuine look. “I am proud of her.”

“But you’re worried,” Zelena offered.

“Of course I’m worried!”

Zelena rolled her eyes. “Please drink that coffee. You know I hate it when you’re crabby.”

“Look!” Emma suddenly came up behind them, sitting down on the other side of Zelena and shoving a piece of paper in her face. “I drawed it!”

Zelena took the picture in her hand and held it up, making an impressed face even though Regina could tell she had absolutely no idea what she was looking it. Because neither did she. It was a mess of reds and browns and yellows made into semi-recognizable shapes. But Emma would never be able to guess with the reaction she was receiving. “How beautiful!” Zelena gasped. She pointed at what looked like a yellow bean. “Look at that!”

“Isstha middow,” Emma pointed too.

“It certainly is,” Zelena nodded, and Regina felt her heart swell at the proud look on Emma’s face. “Give it to Mama.”

Emma took the picture back and handed it to Regina, who was surprised at the sting behind her eyes when it was given to her. “Thank you, baby,” she said, and kissed Emma’s hand.

Emma ran back to the coffee table and spent a few minutes doing something. Regina kept an eye on her and made sure none of that playdough ended up in her mouth.

“Call Archie as soon as you get a moment,” Zelena said. “He’ll want to see her.”

Regina nodded without taking her eyes off of Emma, who grabbed her bottle from the coffee table and came back towards her.

“Mama, can I hab juice?”

Regina raised her eyebrows. “How about some water, Em?” she offered. She wasn’t surprised that Emma was thirsty. She would certainly be dehydrated from the night before.

The thought clicked something in her head, but before she could expand on it, Emma huffed and plopped down on one of the dining room table chairs. “No. Juice.”

Getting up out of her seat, Regina took the bottle and walked into the kitchen. “We’ll put half water and half juice.”

“No. Juice!” Emma’s voice raised in her demand, prompting Regina to stop as she was walking to the kitchen, and turning around to give Emma a severe look.

She wasn’t sure how much, if any, memory Emma had of their usual exchanges. If she had to make an educated guess, she was working with the Emma that woke up fussy and very small in the middle of the night and never remembered the exchange in the morning. And that Emma was very well aware of the look she was being given. Because that Emma wasn’t a stranger to having to be told no or corrected when she started a tantrum. That Emma had been told no numerous times when she’d demanded something in the middle of the night, and had never liked the answer.

Even taking away that benefit of the doubt, every little kid knew the universal Mom look that told you your attitude needed to shift and quickly before you earned yourself a time out, or worse.

“Water,” Regina stated sternly. “And no juice.”

Emma’s face crumpled, and she threw her upper body onto the table and released a wail from her throat.

“Well,” Zelena mumbled before she took another sip. “That escalated quickly.”

Rolling her eyes, Regina went to task in the kitchen filling the bottle up with water as she completely ignored Emma’s tantrum. She heard the wailing continue as she went back to the dining room table, finding Emma still slumped over with her face buried in her hands, crying dramatically as Zelena sat next to her and didn’t engage.

Regina put the bottle next to Emma on the table. Almost immediately, Emma batted it to the floor, and let out another wail.

A grin spread across one side of Zelena’s face as she shook her head. “Fucking hell, I love this kid.”

Eyes widening, Regina transferred the chastising look her sister’s way, and pointed at her severely. “Do _not_ teach her that word. I mean it, Zelena.” She turned her tone down as she addressed Emma, keeping her composure level to not fuel the fire. “Emma, that’s enough. You need to sit up please.” Another wail answered her. “Oh, I think that somebody’s tired,” she mused aloud.

The statement made Emma sit up, and face streaked with tears, she shook her head vehemently. “Nah tired!”

“It’s nine in the morning,” Zelena scoffed.

Once again, Regina’s eyes went to her sister, and she narrowed them her way. “And not one more word from you, Crayon Head. If you remember correctly, somebody had a very late night. And this Little One is used to an early bedtime.”

Zelena rolled her eyes, and took a sip of her coffee as Regina managed to get Emma to her feet.

Emma only took a few steps and then buried her face in her hands as Regina picked up the bottle off the floor. “Mama!” she howled into them, her voice oozing with pitifulness. “Dun wanna!”

Regina didn’t answer her. She simply grabbed Emma under the arms, and hoisted her up, taking her into the bedroom. She closed the door behind them with her foot, and sat Emma on the bed, who looked up at her with red eyes to match her red face. Kneeling down in front of her, Regina gave Emma the same stern look, raising her eyebrows. “When you’re done, you let me know,” she said evenly.

Emma hiccupped and rubbed at her eye with a fist, clearly trying to gain some composure. “Nah dun!” she gasped in between sobs.

Fighting back a smile, Regina nodded. “Yes, I see that. But we don’t cry and throw things to get what we want. We talk. So you let me know when you’re ready to talk,” she said evenly. As Emma took in wracking breaths and continued to rub her eyes, Regina went to the dresser and took out Emma’s Valentine onesie. Coming back to the bed, she saw Emma biting her bottom lip and trying very hard to gain her composure. Setting the onesie next to Emma on the bed, Regina began lifting her sweatshirt over Emma’s head.

As Emma’s arms lifted heavily, Emma began to talk. “Mama, I drewed you a pichure.”

“I saw. It’s so beautiful,” she said, turning her voice up to show interest. As she did, she guided Emma to lay back, and began unbuttoning her jeans, tugging them down.

“Yeah. Is ZeeZee my real auntie?”

“We can talk about ZeeZee soon,” Regina said, checking Emma’s diaper. It was dry, so she left it as is. “Do you want to talk about having some water?” She shuffled the legs of the onesie up Emma’s legs.

There was a pause before Emma answered, and her voice turned down just a bit at being made to finish their previous conversation. “Uh huh.”

Regina smiled as she helped Emma sit up to finish getting her dressed for her nap.   
“You can have your bottle while you rest, okay?”

Emma nodded, and it seemed that she had no memory of not being able to hold back screaming like a banshee merely five minutes before. She gave her eye another hard rub, and Regina knew she’d made the right choice to have Emma get a little more sleep.

“Pankie?”

Nodding, Regina unclipped Emma’s paci from the sweatshirt, and transferred it to her onesie. “I’ll go get Pankie. Can you lay down for Mama while I get it?”

Emma answered by throwing herself against the pillow face-first. She began twirling around against the mattress, humming the same tune as Regina smiled and went back to the living room to grab the puppy blanket that had been left on the couch.

When she came back, Emma was laying on her back, arms wrapped around Fuzzy Pillow, still humming. Smiling to herself, Regina approached and held out Pankie, who was instantly traded for the pillow bear. Regina sat on the side of the bed next to Emma, and when she leaned forward to smooth Emma’s hair down, she saw her eyes flutter.

Taking the bottle off of the night stand, she brought it towards Emma’s lips, who took it without fussing at all. She scooted Pankie underneath her chin as she gazed up at her Mama. Holding the bottle in place, Regina combed through Emma’s hair with her free hand, shushing her until she could tell it was very hard to keep her eyes open. Fighter that Emma was, every now and then she’d pop her lids open as wide as she could, but they wouldn’t stay open for long, slowly falling.

Once Emma was asleep, Regina closed the bedroom door and went back to her sister, who was still sipping her coffee and going through her phone. When she sat down to join her, Zelena mumbled under her breath: “He’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s Sunday,” Regina said, surprised.

Her sister looked up at her then, and gave her that old family look. “You clearly think you’re the only one who loves the brat.”

Regina sighed and sat next to her sister again. “So, Mother called you from jail?”

Zelena nodded, sipping her coffee. “Wouldn’t have been able to tell by the sound of her voice. Proud as ever.”

“What did she say?”

“She said to tell you that she’d turned herself in. And that you were right.”

A stunning pang hit Regina’s chest, and she gaped at her sister for a moment. “What…the hell does that mean?”

“Search me!” Zelena shrugged. “First time I’d heard her admit anything like that in my life.”

“Why would she call you to tell you that I was right? Why not call me?”

At that, Zelena dropped her mug on the table and gave Regina The Look. “Now that might be expecting a bit much from the woman, don’t you think?”

***

Even though the window curtains had been pulled to darken the room, Emma could tell through the cracks that it was midday. She gave a big, satisfied sigh; she’d actually been able to sleep in. That was nice. Hopefully, Regina got to do the same. Too bad Regina wasn’t with her right then. After the night they had had, it would have been nice to grab onto her and just cuddle for a moment.

She froze as she stretched and became more aware of herself. Last she remembered, she’d been put in underwear and a t-shirt when she’d gotten cold in the middle of the night. Now, she was in her onesie, and a diaper. A pang hit her chest as she realized she must have had a flashback at some point in the night. She felt a rush of panic at the realization, because she could have sworn that she was starting to notice the tell-tale signs at least hours in advance. Nothing had made her think she’d be having one.

However, something about that theory didn’t feel right. Her body didn’t ache like it usually did after a flashback from going rigid and thrashing around. Usually, her stomach was knotted for nearly a day after, but she actually felt just fine, even hungry. And she wasn’t tired. Not only did flashbacks wear her out, but unless Regina had been able to break her out of it quickly, she might have been given a Xanax, and that would certainly make her feel fuzzy for a while. She felt nothing of the sort.

None of this made sense. Maybe Regina was able to break her out of it very quickly, and simply dressed Emma as a precaution. Maybe she was starting to be able to control it. But at the same time, even a little bit of the flashback would have come back to her. She remembered nothing. Not a single piece of awakening from it, Regina holding her, nothing.

Getting out of bed, Emma walked into the bathroom, where she undressed herself, washed her face, and allowed herself to wake up a little. The faint smell of coffee was coming from the hallway, and dressing herself in a pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt, she opened the door to follow it.

Regina was chopping celery in the kitchen as she entered, and she didn’t notice as Emma approached her from behind. Emma recognized the task as pre-making celery and peanut butter, a new snack fast becoming her favorite thing green.

Regina let out a little yelp as Emma wrapped her arms around her from behind.

“Careful,” Emma chuckled, resting her chin on Regina’s shoulder. “Don’t cut yourself.”

“You startled me,” Regina took a relieved breath, and put the knife down to turn around in Emma’s arms. The look on her face was strange. She seemed to be studying Emma’s face with a new look, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

“I can see that,” Emma gave her a lopsided grin. “You okay?”

Regina didn’t answer. The strange look on her face didn’t relax as she brought a hand to Emma’s cheek.

Swallowing, Emma raised her brows. “That look you’re giving me have anything to do with me waking up in clothes I didn’t fall asleep in?”

Finally, a little smile raised Regina’s lips, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Something like that. Emma…you don’t remember this morning, do you?”

It was starting to be solidified for Emma that she really was missing a very big clue here. What the hell was going on? The last thing she remembered, Regina was weak in her arms and catching her breath, content with the two of them falling asleep close enough to have no idea whose limbs were whose. The next, she was waking up late morning, fully clothed and diapered for the first time in weeks. Now, Regina was making it sound as if something else had happened. But it hadn’t.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“You were up for a couple of hours. You drew at the coffee table. Zelena came over. We talked for a little while. Then I gave you a bottle and put you back to bed.”

Emma felt as if her brain waves had just flatlined. For a moment, she wondered if she was still dreaming. If suddenly she was in a strange twilight zone where any moment her girlfriend was going to start laughing and telling her she was just joking. She wondered if it was Regina that had been the one to have the dream. Anything seemed to make more sense than what was being said. But the other part of her, the part who knew that the woman in front of her loved her and cared about her and would never do anything to hurt her or confuse her or lie to her told her that there wasn’t anything amiss with what she was saying. The only thing amiss here seemed to be Emma’s own sanity. Which clearly seemed to be slipping.

All the same, her grin stuck on her face. “You’re joking.”

Wide eyed and worriedly, Regina shook her head slowly. “There’s more.” She left Emma’s arms and went to the refrigerator, where she took down an unfamiliar piece of paper and held it out.

Looking at it, Emma wanted to ask Regina if she really had lost her mind. Because the picture she had just handed her was essentially a bunch of random ass colors scribbled around. And Regina had just handed it to her as if it held some importance to the conversation they were having.

“You drew that for me this morning.”

Taking the picture, Emma waited for it to just burst into flames. Because at least then it would confirm that she was dreaming. “What…” she narrowed her eyes at the page, “…the hell is this supposed to be?”

“Emma, I’ve seen you like this before. You always tell me you are just dreaming or sleepwalking. But that isn’t what it is.”

The words were permeating through Emma’s brain like searing electricity. She knew what Regina was referring to: the times she’d woken up and been told that she’d demanded milk in the middle of the night, or gotten fussy and cried. She’d always felt that Regina was embellishing a bit, because it was clear that the smaller she was, the more Regina enjoyed it. Maybe in her sleepier moments, she held on to Emma in that half-awake state.

“You were fully awake, walking around, talking and playing. You couldn’t have been more than three years old. And you…you didn’t know who Zelena was.”

Emma kept her eyes on the picture. Squiggly red and brown lines around a giant yellow shape. “What are you saying to me?”

Regina’s words came out carefully, she could tell. But that didn’t lighten the blow. “Emma, you know what I’m saying. This morning, you woke up, and you were regressed.”

It was quiet for a long time. Emma hadn’t looked up from the page, trying to figure out if anything about it came to mind. None of it did. She could count on one hand how many times she’d been so little that she had almost lost control of her emotions. But even then, even in her most vulnerable moments, she’d had control. They’d talked about it. At nauseum. But now, those suspicions that Regina had mentioned to her on various mornings were becoming a looming reality. An unwelcome reality.

“We’re going to see Archie tomorrow. Zelena’s got it all set up. But just so you know, she wasn’t concerned about it. She says it’s a common coping mechanism…”

“Are you okay?” Emma blurted out, finally looking up and giving Regina a once over.

The question seemed to shake her, and she did a double-take. “Okay? I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Because I know you. I must have scared the shit out of you. Are you okay?”

Closing her eyes momentarily, Regina sighed and gave a little smile. “It wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before. It was just more obvious that it was real. I’ve had my suspicions, Emma.”

“That didn’t answer my question,” she pushed.

She could see the wheels turning in Regina’s head as she worked out how to answer. “I was worried. Yes. But…I have faith that it’s going to be okay.”

Emma rubbed her face with her hand, and shook her head. “I don’t. Is this just how it is now? I lose my mind randomly and not know who people are? Or don’t know better than to not stick a fork in a light socket?”

“You knew who I was. Sort of…”

“What does that mean?”

Regina gave her a grin. “You knew I was Mama.”

Emma huffed confusedly. “You’re joking. How does that make any sense?”

“Because like I said, I think this has happened before. And I’ve been with you all of those times.”

“Do you know how insane this all sounds?” Emma’s voice was raising. She knew she sounded as if she was throwing a tantrum, but she didn’t care. The emotions rolling through her felt like a title wave far too big to swim through. “And what the hell is this!?” Emma pointed her anger to the page in her hand. “This picture sucks!”

Regina’s mouth dropped open, and she snatched the page back. “Emma!” seemingly deeply offended, she held the picture to her chest protectively. “It does not!”

The fact that her comment seemed to genuinely wound Regina only goaded Emma to carry on, because at that moment, she really felt the need to blow off some steam, even if that meant insulting herself. “What even is that?” Emma scoffed. “Did you ask her to draw you a blob?”

Regina brought it away from her chest and looked at it fondly. Emma couldn’t believe the look in her eyes; she seemed to genuinely adore it. “It’s beautiful.”

“Beautiful? Regina, I’m sorry, but she’s a terrible drawer. She’s more like a page butcher.”

Regina’s mouth nearly dropped to the floor in angry shock. “She’s a baby! She’s _my_ baby. And she’s _you_!” Regina looked back at the picture. “It lives on the fridge now. Forever,” she said in defiance, her features softening just looking at the drawing, as if she were floating with pride.

Watching the emotions hit Regina’s face, Emma felt a strangely warm sensation fill her chest. Regina must have been worried, but she also seemed to genuinely love the regressed side of Emma. The side she had no control over. It made her head spin. How were they supposed to balance their lives if there was yet another issue to work around every day? That seemed like too big of a question to answer just then.

“I’m going to draw a much better picture, and cover it.”

Regina was about to tack the picture back on the fridge, but she whirled around, giving Emma one of her most dangerous looks. “Don’t you dare!” Emma returned the look with a mischievous grin, and Regina’s eyes widened. “Emma, if you so much as touch this picture, you will be very, very sorry.”

“It’s just a stupid picture…” she crossed her arms over her chest, and tried not to let guilt hit her chest when Regina finally gave her a wary eye.

“Is this seriously what you want to focus on right now?” she said, a little grin creeping at the corner of her mouth. “Or do you want to admit what’s really bothering you about all this?”

“Why aren’t _you_ more bothered by it?” Emma exclaimed.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t. I’m just trying to point out that it is something we can work through. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about your health, but I have all the faith in the world in you that you’ll be able to overcome it.”

“How?” Emma huffed, trying hard to keep her voice steady. She didn’t want to yell at Regina. Nothing that was happening was Regina’s fault, and she didn’t deserve that.

Regina, however, managed to give Emma a version of the look she sometimes saw her and Zelena exchange. “I imagine the same way others who live with PTSD do. We live day by day, take things in stride, and don’t blame ourselves for the things we can’t control. Not to mention having a little more faith in ourselves?” At the last two remarks, she looked at Emma pointedly, and the echo of Zelena’s and Archie’s advice to her finally made Emma let go of her frustration.

She sighed. “Yeah…”

“Look,” Regina finally came forward, and Emma felt her composure begin to wane. As hands were put on her waist, she drew her own up to Regina’s chest. “Whatever happened this morning, we’re going to figure it out. Okay? Things are going to be just fine, baby.”

“I don’t like losing control,” Emma admitted in a whisper, closing her eyes.

“I know you don’t. My little fighter,” the amusement in Regina’s voice lightened Emma’s heart just the slightest. “But I was here. You were safe.”

“And what if you aren’t next time?”

Emma felt her forehead met with Regina’s, and she whispered her answer. “That’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it?”

She gave a little laugh, and could tell despite Regina trying to comfort her, that this was certainly a worry for her too. “There is so much that worries me about this,” Emma admitted.

“Let’s just hold off on driving ourselves crazy with a lot of questions until we see Archie tomorrow, okay?”

Emma nodded. “Okay. In the meantime, can I take you to dinner?”

She opened her eyes then when Regina laughed and pulled away slightly. The gleam in them made Emma’s tummy glow, and when Regina came forward to kiss her, she tried to hold on for as long as she could.

“Where would you like to take me?”

Emma grinned. “Pick a place. Anything you want, it’s yours. I’m sorry if I put you through hell this morning.”

Laughing again, Regina shook her head. “You didn’t. Despite your little meltdown…”

“Meltdown?”

“Oh,” Regina made a gesture like she was tossing something to the side as she went back to the celery. “Just a little tantrum over napping and juice.”

Emma stared at Regina’s back for a while. “How…” she forced out, “…do you do it?”

Looking over her shoulder, Regina’s brows rose. “Do what?”

“All of it. Put up with me. All of me.”

The chopping of the vegetables stopped, and Regina turned back around. The look in her eyes was serious, and a little sad. “I don’t ‘put up’ with anything. I _love_ you. _All_ of you.”


	33. Into the Past

_The dark wasn’t so scary anymore. Pretty colors danced on the ceiling because of her nightlight. She’d never had a nightlight before. Nothing showing her the pretty in the dark.  And she wasn’t alone either. Whenever she woke up, there was Mama. All Emma had to do was call for her, and she woke up. She wasn’t alone._

“Where are you, Emma?”

_The first time Emma saw her, she thought maybe she’d fallen asleep in the car again, and woke up to her newest home. Had to be. She didn’t remember saying hello to this person outside the car. She just woke up in this room with pretty lights outside and the colorful waves. A new blankie in her hand that she’d never been allowed to have before._

“Do you know how old you are?”

_Emma remembered once that Jenny had a birthday. ‘The Big Five-Oh!’ Mrs. Jensen had called it. ‘A whole hand old!’. There was vanilla ice cream and Jenny had wanted sprinkles, so she got some but none of the other kids did because they ‘cost extra’. Emma looked down at her hand, pressed on the middle with a finger. When you were five, your hand got old? Emma didn’t know if she’d ever had ice cream for a birthday. One of the kids said all kids got a birthday. But she couldn’t remember. And nobody had told her she was a whole hand old yet. Nobody seemed to pay much attention to her at all._

“Where was the last place you were? Do you know the home? Can you describe it?”

_Sometimes she could remember driving in cars, a big hand taking hers, leading her out to a house she’d never seen. A giant she’d never met. She didn’t know the person holding her hand, but she hid behind them anyway because the other one looked down at her and never smiled. Just said hello and ordered her to come inside. And she’d be inside for a little while. Stay. Houses that smelled like someone else’s home and apartments with paper walls. One time the new Mommy and Daddy had a dog that always barked at her and kept her awake. Another Mommy and Daddy always screamed at each other in the kitchen, so Emma hid in the farthest room she could find under the sink. She liked it quiet._

“Did you hide often?”

_Emma liked the home with all the kids the best. There, she was just one in the crowd. She wanted attention, wanted someone to listen to her and show her new things and stay by her bed when she was sick. But the only attention she ever seemed to get was when she was bad. And she didn’t like that attention. Not at all. So if she stayed quiet, she didn’t have to hide there. Hiding was dark and sometimes there were spiders, and she’d get hungry or need to go potty but she didn’t want to move. Because it was better than when she got her arm wrung or her ear twisted or barked at._

“Tell me about Mama, Emma.”

_And there she was. A stranger. Emma was used to strangers, but she didn’t like them. Because they never seemed to like her. Cold and uninviting and looking down at her as if they could and wanted to raise their foot to squash her like a bug. But this stranger, she didn’t act like one. Instead of hitting her head to make her be quiet and go back to sleep, she held her, sang to her, kissed her cheek. Sometimes she talked to Emma and said really kind things in a really nice voice. She never got angry. She never said mean words. She never told Emma she was stupid or to shut up. She never took away Emma’s paci._

_And then she said the words. Words Emma didn’t know she needed. But once they were said, she couldn’t stop crying._

_“Mama’s here…”_

_She’d found her. After lots of car rides and strangers and new houses, she’d found her. Had to be. How didn’t matter. Emma never knew how she ended up in a place. Grown ups just took her to where she went. She’d been lost but now she just knew that she’d been found. Only Mamas were this nice, said sweet things, rocked you back to sleep, held you, sang to you. So easy to go back to sleep._

“Emma…”

_The pretty colors started to fade._

“Emma…”

_And the lights outside the window too._

“Come back now…”

_Soft humming in her ear, slowly drifting away._

“It’s time to come back…”

_She liked it here. This quiet. She didn’t want to leave…_

Emma gasped, her body felt as if it had been electrocuted out of the couch. Springing up, she fought for breath. Her arms flailed out to try and catch her balance, and they landed on outstretched arms.

“You’re alright.”

Regina. Emma gripped her hands like talons around those arms. As she took another gulp of air, she felt her chest crash into her partner’s.

“Sshh,” a hand ran over Emma’s sweaty forehead, and she felt it being tucked under Regina’s chin. “You’re alright, my love.”

“Deep, slow breaths.”

Archie. Her senses started to come back to her. She was in Archie’s office. They’d had something of an urgent appointment after her little stunt yesterday morning. He’d put her under. They were trying to get to the bottom of things. Trying to help her.

She didn’t feel anything but overwhelmed. She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in Regina’s chest, trying to follow the orders of breathing. She realized she had tears running down her cheeks, and they were being dried on Regina’s sweater. Why was she crying? What had just happened?

“Just give her a minute,” Archie said. “It’s usually a little more peaceful when patients come out of hypnosis.”

Emma felt Regina shake her head. “Yeah, but she’s a fighter.”

Emma heard Archie chuckle. “That I know. Emma? How are we doing?”

If only Emma knew. The last thing she remembered was coming into the office with Regina, greeting Archie. Nothing else came to her. Not explaining what had happened, not agreeing to go under. Nothing. Pulling her face away, she heaved out: “What happened?”

She saw Archie give a smile. “Well, we just had a good conversation with you. Albeit you were much younger.”

Emma looked up at Regina, who she was relieved to see was smiling, and didn’t hold any tension in it. She held Emma’s face in her hands. “You were telling us about a big, mean dog.”

A flash of a giant German shepherd went through Emma’s mind. Jesus, she’d forgotten all about that dog. How long ago had that been? Not many memories filled Emma’s head from her childhood. She only had flashes: playing in the street with some other kids, a pair of shoes she really liked and was proud of, her first roller coaster. But the mundane things, the day to day…hell, nobody remembered that crap. However, she recognized that somewhere buried was a memory of a snarling, snapping monster every time she passed the sliding glass window to get a drink of water. Whose house was that? How old had she been? She looked at Regina. “What else did I say?”

Regina bit her lip, and glanced Archie’s way. She looked a little flushed, and Emma wondered why. But only for a moment. “You were telling Archie about your Mama. Me.”

Emma screwed up her forehead and looked at Archie too. He smiled kindly at her, and straightened his glasses on his face. “It’s good I know the dynamic. That might help me figure out how to help you, Emma. And I know Regina is committed to helping any way she can.”

Emma winced. Why was it everyone in her universe seemed to take the knowledge of her true relationship with Regina with a grain of salt, when it had taken her weeks to be okay with it at the beginning? “Can you make it stop?” she asked.

The slight fall of Archie’s face told Emma her answer. “Emma, here’s what I’ve amassed,” he folded his hands together and sat forward, and she could tell he was truly trying to gather his thoughts. “The trauma from the murder that first caused you to dissociate happened when you were nine. Now, you’re regressing to a much younger age. And if Regina’s right, yesterday wasn’t the first time. It was simply the first time it was obvious. And in those times, you acquired new memories. Memories that are now part of that three-year-old girl’s head. That’s why you recognized Regina yesterday, but only in the way you knew from your regression, not the true relationship the two of you have.”

Emma stared at Archie, and she could see that Regina was staring just as intently, her mouth partially opened. Emma reminded herself to take a breath. “So…is that a yes?”

Finally some tension left the room as Regina looked down and gave a little laugh. “Emma…” she chided, amused.

Archie smiled too, that kind, toothless, ear-to-ear grin that always seemed to make Emma feel like things were really okay. “Always seeing everything in black and white. It’s not a terrible quality. But, I’m afraid, when it comes to the brain, there’s nothing but gray areas.”

“But this doesn’t make any sense,” Emma argued.

Archie’s smile didn’t falter in the slightest. “Does an infinite universe with no end make any sense?”

Emma stared.

“Just because you can’t wrap your head around it, doesn’t make it impossible. There are so many things in the world we simply can’t explain. I’m not saying it’s hopeless, Emma. What I’m saying is that this isn’t an ear infection or strep throat. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all, easy cure. Our brains are complicated.”

Looking down at her hands, Emma took a deep breath. She felt a hand run through her hair, and the comfort it gave her calmed her. “So, what’s next?”

“I have several plans of action.” He looked at Regina. “The next time the regression happens, I’d like you to start some exercises with her. Turn them into games. We’re going to try and call her back. Much like when she has a flashback. But this will be much more difficult. You keep a drawing journal, don’t you?” he asked Emma.

“Yeah,” she nodded.

“Good. Have her draw and write, give her prompts.”

“Zelena did that yesterday,” Regina nodded. “But she can’t write.”

Archie nodded. “She doesn’t have to actually make sense. At least not yet.” He cleared his throat, and his look became more serious. “You’re also going to have to have a safety plan.”

Emma stared at him, and felt a dark cloud puff through her chest. The trepidation she felt from the day before started fogging up her thoughts.

“So far, this has only happened at home when you’re with her, Regina. And that’s good. But we need to prepare for that to not be the case.”

She flashed a look Regina’s way, and was surprised to see a cool, calm, collected manner as Regina gave her a reassuring smile and continued to run a hand through her hair. “I have some ideas,” she said to Archie, though she hadn’t taken her eyes off of Emma.

That fog was starting to bellow deep, and it turned thick, making her chest constrict. She knew what needed to happen. She’d known it since the night before. But she didn’t know how to execute it. She hated the thought, saw all of their faces in her mind’s eye as it was explained to them.

“We need to tell everyone, don’t we?” Emma asked, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her thighs, staring down at the floor as she brooded at the thought.

She could hear the hesitation in Regina’s voice as she answered, careful with the apprehension of how Emma would react. “If it happens at work, Emma, August needs to know. And Ruby and Mary Margaret. You’re spending a lot of time with them on the wedding right now.”

Emma wasn’t going to argue. She couldn’t. She knew Regina was right. As upsetting as it was to talk to anybody about this other than Archie, Zelena, and Regina, she couldn’t shake the fear of what would happen if she lost control without any of them around. “And if I’m not with one of them?”

There was silence for a moment, but Emma shouldn’t have been surprised when Regina had an answer. “I’m going to teach you how to call me from your phone. And we can put a tracking app on them so I can find you.”

“This is all just precaution, Emma,” Archie added in. “More than likely, these regressions are triggered by something specific, and it seems to be when you are home and comfortable that they happen. All of them happen in your sleep. Your flashbacks too. They might stay that way.”

Emma shook her head. “I’ve had flashbacks while awake.”

“Well, both were in highly stressful situations that dealt directly with your trauma. Speaking of which, right now, we just need to minimize your stressors. Get yourself into a daily routine, more than you already have. Do the same thing at the same time starting tomorrow, alright? Get up at the same time, eat a balanced breakfast, go to work, lunch at the same time, all of that. At least for now.”

Emma felt her jaw set and get tighter at every word. A big part of her brain knew that the routine of it all was going to at least help eliminate any uninvited stressors, but a much larger part of her was not on board to start that right away. At all.

“No.”

Emma saw Archie do a double-take at the same time that Regina’s head whipped around to look at her, and they both said, “No?” at the same time.

Emma shook her head. “No. Not starting tomorrow. We’re leaving town.”

Emma looked to her side to see the realization dawn on Regina’s face, and then she composed herself and was about to argue.

“No,” Emma put a hand up. “We’re going.” She looked at Archie. “I’m sorry, Archie. We’re going to Storybrooke. Regina has to see her mom. And I’m going with her.” Their conversation at dinner had left Emma feeling even more guilty than before. Cora had apparently turned herself in, and was sitting in jail awaiting a plea deal. The turn in events was a shock to all of them, especially Regina, who was still having trouble shaking being kicked off of her mother’s case after all the fuss made about it. Why had Cora done it? What had possessed her to give in so easily after fighting tooth and nail the way she had, after not even believing Regina that she had a problem in the first place? It was haunting Regina. Any fool could see that. But to those that knew her the best, to Emma, she could see the classic Regina reaction: tormented, sick in that fierce and tender heart, and completely committed to not showing the slightest weakness, focusing her energy on taking care of others to heal herself.

“Emma, I can go alone…” Regina started, but Emma stopped her again.

“Not happening.” The look she gave her was about as severe as Regina’s sometimes got when Emma was about to start one of her tantrums. And she didn’t back down. “If you aren’t in town, my routine would be messed up anyway. And I’m _not_ letting you go alone.” She wasn’t going to lose this fight. Regina was about to go visit her mother. In jail. Their relationship had never been more strained, and Regina’s own stress was already through the roof. There was absolutely no way in hell Emma was going to let her go through all of that alone. “I mean it, R’gina. There’s isn’t anything you can say to change my mind.”

Emma could tell that Regina didn’t truly have the fight in her, especially when she saw Emma’s resolve plastered all over her face. Her shoulders slumped, and she nodded silently.

“It’s alright,” Archie said, his voice never losing its kindness, though Emma heard slight trepidation there. “You can get started when you get back. Life does have to go on. But keep an eye on her, Regina.”

When they left, hand in hand until they reached the car, Regina said quietly: “How do you want to do it?”

Emma buckled herself in and stared out the window. Was there a way to do it that would make the experience less excruciating? Probably not. The only thing she knew was that she didn’t like the idea of getting everyone into a big group and making an announcement. That would just magnify her mortification. She swallowed and looked Regina’s way. “I’ll talk to August in the field when we get back on Wednesday. Ruby and Mary Margaret I’m seeing on Friday to do some more planning.”

Regina started the car. “Another busy week,” she sighed. “Okay, are you ready to just head out?”

Emma nodded. Their bags were packed in the trunk of the Mercedes, but Emma’s stomach gurgled once. Before she could ask if they could grab something to eat first, she heard Regina chuckle. “Let’s get you fed. Then we’ll head up.”

***

Regina had never thought she’d be walking back into that Sheriff’s station. It had been many years since she’d done any sort of accompanying her mother on an errand in this town as a teen, much less to this particular location. And if she were to go back in time and let her teenaged self know that one day, she’d be coming here to visit her mother in a jail cell, she would have thought she’d gone mad somewhere along the way.

Sidney was on unpaid administrative leave, and the deputy in charge was a young man that was far too polite to have been doing the job for very long. Even in Storybrooke, dealing with criminals and complaints all day long tended to taint a person’s view of the world and people. He led her into the main office where two large cells stood in the far corner. And in one sat her mother, straight up and proud despite wearing a gray jumpsuit and no makeup. As Regina slowly approached, she gave a wane smile with soft eyes.

“I had a feeling you’d show up here,” Cora said pensively.

Regina raised her eyebrows and sat in a chair nearest the bars. “You wouldn’t take my calls.”

“Don’t take it personally,” Cora answered, just as wistful. “I haven’t been speaking to anyone. Save for calling Zelena that one time.”

She stared at her mother for a moment, taking in the bones jutting out at her elbows, the pale pallor of her cheeks and the creases around her mouth and eyes. Cora was getting old. Not just older, but old. A strange ache thudded in Regina’s chest at the thought.

“Why are you here, Mother?”

Cora finally met her eyes, chin still held high, but her features betraying more emotion than Regina knew she meant to. “Your father…” The word stuck in her throat for a moment, which gave Regina enough time to recover from the stab she felt at hearing it.  “He was always very sensitive. He was so kind. It’s why I fell in love with him, actually.”

Regina stared, stunned in her seat, as she heard these words. The answer, which wasn’t really an answer at all, couldn’t have been more surprising. Along with that, she’d never heard her mother speak like this before, particularly about her father.

“He was so different than anybody I’d known. My family was…well, like me. And I was young and idealistic once, thinking I could rise above it all and change the world.” A smile came across her face, sad in its reflection. “At least my world. So when Henry came along, I thought ‘this is the man who will be by my side while I do it.’ But then I got older, had you girls. And I started…well…turning into my mother and father, I suppose. I didn’t mean for it to happen. Didn’t see it while it was happening. But by the time I realized it, it was far too late. I was changed. And then slowly, we were driven away. Henry got softer, more doting as you and Zelena grew, and I…didn’t.” She was quiet for a moment. Regina didn’t move, just watched her.

“By the end, I could barely breathe around him. This man who was everything I couldn’t be for my family. Instead of appreciating it, following in his example, a kind of jealousy took over. And soon, I was suffocating. I just felt we were stuck together, caged. Everything about us solidified into one. From my name and identity right down to the milk in the fridge. And I felt so trapped in it. So isolated and alone living with this stranger. He was a stranger, but so was I. I wasn’t the girl I’d been when I’d fallen in love with him. That girl was gone.

“I loved him. He was the father of my children, he’d given me a home, we shared countless things. But I wasn’t in love with him anymore. There was no fire there, no spark. Just routine, duty, and resentment. And no more children around to distract me from the reality of it.”

“And then you met someone…” Regina tried to keep her voice even, not knowing whether or not she was succeeding, but Cora just shrugged and shook her head.

“It sounds silly now. But for a moment there, I felt like a kid again. I felt alive. I actually looked forward to tomorrow. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done that. I’d been living years and years just going through the motions: appointments and back to school nights and dinner parties and trash days. He was exciting and new, he kept me guessing. And that was refreshing. I got so caught up in it, I didn’t realize that all of those things…they were like cogs in a machine…all needing to turn together, or the engine could fail. And then Henry…”

The room went silent, the name hung in the air like lingering smoke. Regina didn’t take a breath, afraid to suffocate on it.

“He didn’t even say anything when I told him. Just hung his head, and walked out of the room. Two days later, I get a call in my office. It was the sheriff.” Cora stopped, and Regina saw her wince. Her mouth thinned in memory. “I remember thinking: I can’t get up out of this chair. If I move, I have to go forward. I have to walk and talk and eat and think and I couldn’t imagine doing any of it. My jailor was dead. And it broke my heart. Everything I had ever felt for him came crashing down all at once. Everything I’d ever blamed on him hit me, and I knew…I realized that he hadn’t been that at all. I had. I’d done it to myself. To him. And for one moment, I had this idea that if I just sat there and didn’t move a muscle, I wouldn’t have to continue. Wouldn’t have to go on with my life. Wouldn’t have to face it. Face _anything_.

“But then I thought about you and Zelena. And that was that. I had to get up, had to walk, talk. I had to move forward. For you.” She turned around, and Regina swallowed, shocked when she felt a cold tear go down her cheek. She’d been listening so intently that she hadn’t realized it was there. “I don’t blame you for blaming me. It wasn’t just the affair. He’d been depressed for a long time. I know that now. In hindsight, there were so many signs. But because of everything between us, I was so focused on avoiding him, I didn’t pick up on any of it. If I had seen it, if I had been better, I would have tried to be there for him. Made him get help. But I wasn’t. I was the opposite. I let him sink further and further for years. If I could take it back, I would. At the time, I found his brooding as an annoyance. It never once occurred to me how serious it was. Not once. And I found out far too late, far too brutally.”

Letting out a breath, Regina looked down at the ground. “I can’t imagine what that feels like. I’m sorry, Mother,” she whispered.

But Cora gave her a sad laugh. “I deserve no pity, Regina. Trust me. Love is a delicate thing. If you abuse it…I’d lost everything. That machine…it slowly fell apart. Your father died, Zelena rebelled against everything I had ever prepared her for and went her own way, and you…” She stopped, and for the first time, she looked at Regina. Their eyes matched with brimming tears. And Regina felt her heart nearly die when she saw Cora’s face crumple just the slightest. “I knew. I knew I’d lost you. And then I had nothing left. Nothing but this damned town and my name and what I stood for. And I’ve clung to that for so many years; this thing I had left, pathetic substitute that it was. So when you came here and tried to take that away from me…” she actually laughed, and Regina could see she was laughing at herself. “I just couldn’t. But you were right. I didn’t even have to call my other contact to know you were right.”

“Mother…”

Cora held up a hand, which Regina was secretly grateful for. Because all words were lost on her lips, and any hope of them had been constricted in her throat.

“It’s going to be fine, Regina,” she said, smiling. “I’ll take the plea deal. It’ll cost me. I’ll retire. Maybe move out of this place,” she looked around the cell as if it captured the essence of Storybrooke itself. “My court date is in two weeks. And then, I’ll move on. Take all this idiotic money and do something real with it for once. Travel, maybe.”

“I’ll help you…”

But Cora shook her head with a totality that Regina recognized all too well from childhood as her mother putting her foot down. “You won’t. You’re going to go back to Boston and stay in the courtroom you belong in. I should have never brought you into this. This is my doing, my fault. And it wasn’t fair to put you in the middle of it. I was being selfish. I…I didn’t want to be alone.”

“You’re not alone,” the words came out like a sob, and Regina was out of her seat, leaning her body against the bars and reaching out. Cora responded by standing up and joining her. Her hands were bony and cold in Regina’s. She clasped hers around them to warm them, looking down at them, at her own future. When Cora released one of her hands to run it through Regina’s hair, she leaned into it, her eyes closing as the ache in her chest grew to torturous levels. “I’ve been so angry. For so long. But…” she stopped and wiped a tear away, unable to look at her mother with her next words. “It wasn’t all about you. I was so angry at him. For leaving me, for doing this to us. But I couldn’t do anything with it, and I couldn’t even admit that I was because I just missed him so much and would give anything to have him back. So I…I gave it all to you. Hated you, more than you ever deserved.”

“I know,” Cora gave her a sad smile. “I don’t know if a moment has gone by that I haven’t thought about you, thought about all of this. You’re so much like him. I’ve always worried that one day that hate would consume you, and you’d be gone for good.”

Regina shook her head, another tear falling down. “The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. I’ll never be indifferent to you. And I don’t hate you. I…I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered.

At that, Cora smiled. “And you won’t. This will all be over soon. And you girls, you aren’t going to be involved in any of it. You don’t deserve that. You have your own lives. I’ll be just fine. And when it’s over, then we’ll find a way to go on.”

It was quiet for a long time, Regina nodding, clearing her eyes and cheeks with the hand not in Cora’s.

“Where’s that sweet girl of yours?” her mother finally asked, the upturn in her voice clearing some of the heavy smoke in the air.

Regina smiled, feeling herself glow just at the mention of Emma. “She’s at Granny’s.”

Cora took Regina’s hands through the bars and squeezed. “You won’t do what I did, Regina. You…you’re nothing like me. Do what comes naturally to you, and you and Emma will be happy together.”

Her smile grew. “I’m very happy.”

Cora laughed, and again tucked a lock of curls behind Regina’s ear. “You deserve it.”

***

The wind whipping around the docks was enough to freeze Regina’s nose. She could feel tiny droplets of the mist landing on her skin and fighting to find a middle ground between her body heat and the freezing air. She knew if she stayed out here long enough, eventually the cold would win.

And Emma was sitting on a bench looking out at the sea. She was bundled up in a beanie, jacket, and gloves, but she was tucked into her garments like a turtle because of the cold. As Regina approached, she saw her lips were just the slightest bit blue.

“You were supposed to wait at Granny’s,” she said kindly, coming to sit next to Emma on the bench. “It’s freezing out here.”

Emma smiled, and brought her arm out to wrap around Regina. She found herself being guided to rest her head on Emma’s shoulder, and she followed the lead. She felt a kiss placed on the top of her head.

“I love it. It’s quiet,” she whispered.

Regina’s hand rubbed Emma’s tummy, and she nuzzled her nose into Emma’s neck.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Regina’s hand gripped where it was, and Emma’s jacket bunched in between her fingers. She inhaled slowly, filling her senses up with the smell of Emma’s shampoo. A slight change had happened over time; now that they were living together, aromas were mixing, the edges of who was who becoming less defined. She held on tighter at the thought of it.

“Yes. Over coffee. Inside Granny’s. Where it’s warm.”

Emma chuckled, and wrapped both arms around her, squeezing tightly. “I can keep you warm.”

Regina turned her face further into Emma’s shoulder and laughed. “You’re so stubborn. Maybe tonight, you’ll make up for it?” she tilted her head up, and kissed Emma’s jawline. She saw the blood rush to the spot quickly.

Emma looked down at her, a coy smile coming across her face, and she bit her lip. “That I can do,” she murmured, and leaned down to meet Regina’s lips with her own.

Her flavor rushed through Regina’s head, igniting her whole body. Suddenly, she didn’t feel so cold as she returned her kiss with more passion than she usually did in a public area. But no one was around. Those people were all far too smart to be sitting out here.

“Granny’s,” she stated as they pulled apart, and Emma gave her an ironic smile.

“You don’t give up.”

Chuckling, Regina stood, and held her hand out. “I think the last thing either of us need is a sick Little One. Come on. Make yourself useful and buy me dinner.”

It had to have been clear on her face that the visit with her mother had worn her out, and Emma asked her gentle questions as they ate. Emma ordered the grilled cheese and tomato soup, Regina the salad that Granny made that she could never get quite right. Emma left the crust and didn’t want to finish the soup. Regina managed to get her to eat more by having her dip the crust in the soup. She almost finished all of it as they talked.

“So that’s it?” Emma asked as Regina leaned forward to wipe a bit of tomato soup from the corner of Emma’s mouth. “We’re not staying to help?”

Smiling, Regina shook her head. “She doesn’t want me involved. This time, however, her intentions are good. She wasn’t just saying it for my sake. She means it.” Sighing, Regina put her fork down and focused on her coffee. “We’ll go home in the morning. How would you like to stay at the mansion tonight?”

Emma looked up, an excited sparkle in her eyes at the prospect. “Really? I’ve never stayed in a mansion before!”

Laughing, Regina nodded. “Well, it’s empty right now. There’s no reason to have that go to waste.”

Save for the change of color on the leaves in the garden from the fall’s bright burnt colors to electric green of early spring, the house on Mifflin street seemed to be stuck in time: quaint despite being so enormous, quiet, and secluded. The gate and trees locked it in its own little world, and Emma wondered what it would have been like to be a teenager here. It was so different from the bustle of Boston.

“Your apple trees might not survive your mom’s incarceration,” Emma said, half-joking, and half serious concern that something that embodied Regina’s existence like her apple tree could be in under any type of threat.

But Regina just laughed it off. “Mother doesn’t tend to the garden herself. I’m sure she didn’t cancel the gardeners while she’s otherwise occupied.”

Emma felt stupid for not even considering it. Then again, she’d never lived in a world where you paid anyone to tend to your own things.

“We’ll stay in my old room,” Regina said as she shuffled her luggage to unlock the front door. “Mother hasn’t done much to it since I’ve been gone. It’s just about the same.”

Emma felt a jolt of excitement, and realized that though she had spent an entire day in this house, she hadn’t even thought about Regina having her own room here. She hadn’t gone upstairs at all, come to think of it. They were vast, curling around the entryway and climbing up to the cathedral ceilings, which seemed to put Regina’s own apartment ceiling to shame. Everything about the house was bright, light seeping in through the many windows, and Emma felt the echo of it from the apartment. Regina must have been drawn to it as a reminder of this place, Emma thought.

They climbed the stairs, and a strange sense enveloped Emma the moment they entered her bedroom. It had the faintest smell of Regina, as if the many years she spent growing here were embedded forever. In the furniture, in the carpet, in the walls. The energy was calming and inviting; again, everything Regina represented in Emma’s heart and mind. Putting her duffel bag on the bed, Emma looked around. She saw the wallpaper must have been decades old: soft white with silhouettes of little red apple trees. There was an old-fashioned working desk with writing engraved in the wood. Emma assumed Regina had done countless homework assignments on it.

On the opposite wall was a bookshelf, filled with trophies and framed pictures. Emma approached, and found a photograph of a beautiful, baby-faced teenage Regina, long hair in a French braid, holding the reigns of a tall seal brown horse.

“That’s Rocinante,” Emma heard Regina’s voice coming close as she walked up behind Emma.

“Your mom mentioned to me you rode once,” Emma said quietly, touching one of the gold trophies, molded into the shape of a rider astride a jumping horse. A blue ribbon was hanging from the plaque on the bottom, Regina’s name engraved there. “I didn’t know you were so involved, though.”

Coming up next to her, Regina shrugged. “I loved riding, but I stopped once I went to college. Rocinante was my father’s horse.” Her voice seemed light with the memory. “We came up here every summer when I was a child. But when my grandfather died, we moved here, and Mother became mayor. I was fifteen. Even after spending all of my summers here, it was hard to acclimate. I didn’t make many friends in school, and Zelena wasn’t here, of course. So I spent all of my time riding.”

Emma turned to Regina, and saw that she was fondly looking at the image, a tiny smile tucked at the corner of her mouth. She looked just as beautiful now as she did in that photo: skin dark and glowing at the same time, wild chocolate curls coming down into her eyes. Emma reached out and grabbed hold of Regina’s waist, spinning her around. Regina gave a surprised laugh, and her hands landed on Emma’s chest as she was pulled in. Emma kissed her softly as the giggles subsided into a pleasant moan. When Regina was about to pull away, Emma gripped her hips and tugged Regina firmly against her own body, her lips giving more pressure. She felt Regina’s initial fight melt away, and she allowed herself to be controlled by it.

Parting her lips, Emma claimed Regina’s hot mouth that immediately gave in to her wishes. She felt Regina’s lips tighten in a smile against her, and she began slowly lowering her hands down to the cheeks of Regina’s ass. When she squeezed, Regina’s lips unlocked from hers in a short gasp, and she let out a yelp as Emma lifted her up and carried Regina to her bed. By the time Regina’s bottom hit the comforter, both of their breaths had picked up considerably, and Regina had made absolutely no move to take control.

A little thrill ignited in Emma as she saw Regina’s eyes darken, looking up at Emma with anticipation. Coming forward onto the bed, Regina shuffled back, placing a hand on Emma’s shoulder as Emma smoothed the palms of her hands down Regina’s thighs. She reached the hem of the skirt Regina was wearing, and she hiked it up to Regina’s waistline. Underneath was a pair of thin, black panties, and Emma wasted no time grabbing the hem of them and pulling them down gently. Regina lifted her bottom so they could be dragged down her legs, and once Emma had them off, she grabbed hold of the top of Regina’s boots to tear them away.

Regina allowed it, propping herself up with her hands as Emma continued to undress her slowly, taking care with her socks and folding them neatly on the corner of the bed. Emma pretended she didn’t see the little smile that Regina gave her at that. “What do you intend to do, Miss Swan?” she raised an eyebrow, face flush as she bit her bottom lip.

Emma shivered. Regina didn’t call her that too often. But when she did, holy hell, it was hot. “Come on,” she grinned. “How many people get to fuck their girlfriend in her childhood bedroom? I’m taking my time with this one.”

An eyebrow cocked her way, and Emma finally journeyed up to Regina’s face. Taking Regina’s jawline in her palm, she kissed her deeply. Regina sighed into it as Emma lowered them down, placing their heads on a pillow that magnified the scent of Regina all around her. It made Emma give a little moan, and she pulled away just enough to break the kiss, but she nuzzled her nose against Regina’s. She felt her smile.

A hand went to her cheek, and as Regina’s thumb brushed against Emma’s bottom lip, she caught it with her mouth. As her lover’s hand stilled, she closed around the thumb, caressing it with her tongue. She suckled it once, twice, like she would her paci, like she would Regina’s nipple, and then let it go. Realizing her eyes had closed, she opened them to find Regina watching her intently, all humor gone from her face. She gasped out a little breath that made Emma’s head reel, and so she grabbed hold of the thumb again, lightly sinking her teeth into it as her hand ventured down and grabbed hold of the back of Regina’s thigh. She tugged it forward and placed Regina’s leg on her own waist, leaving Regina open and exposed.

Regina’s heel dug lightly into the flesh of Emma’s bottom as Emma ran her fingers over the smooth skin of her partner’s thigh. Soft, feather touches that she saw made Regina shiver. She kept her eyes on Emma’s, lips barely parted, eyes that had been heavy from her day starting to lighten as she watched. Emma’s tongue swirled around the pad of Regina’s thumb before letting go, and she murmured as her hand began to travel towards Regina’s opening: “you are so beautiful.”

As she said it, the tips of her fingers found the slick opening of Regina’s slit. It was like a furnace, and Emma felt an ache in her core as she felt it. Regina was swollen, and so wet that her fingers glided over Regina’s lips with ease. The sensation caused Emma’s own wetness to pool inside her panties, but she ignored it.

Regina’s breath hitched the moment Emma’s fingers found their home, and her eyes flickered for the smallest fragment of a second before they turned nearly black. The hand on Emma’s cheek cupped firmly at her jawline, and she rubbed Emma’s earlobe in between her thumb and index finger. “Emma…” she whispered, her face turning slightly into the pillow as she moaned out her pleasure when Emma grazed her clit.

“I’m here,” she answered, taking mercy on the pleading in Regina’s voice and rubbing large, slow circles over Regina’s clit. She felt Regina clench instantly, the swollen button hardening. “Do you know how much I love you?” she purred.

Pressure on her earlobe. Regina’s brow creased as she pressed her forehead against Emma’s. She felt hot, her face flush and beautiful. “Show me.”

Emma’s face pivoted as she kissed the corner or Regina’s mouth. A trembling murmur answered her, barely above the sound of a breath. Emma pressed harder against the swollen mound underneath her fingertips, and Regina curled forward, pressing their bodies closer together, digging her heel into the back of Emma’s thigh.

“How are you so fucking perfect?” she mused, gathering more warm fluids on her fingers. She rubbed her flat palm against Regina’s sex. It earned her a low whine.

“You’re teasing me,” Regina accused, voice heavy with lust. She pulled away slightly to look Emma in the eye. Emma could see the Domme fighting to come out, but for some reason, she was keeping it at bay. Sometimes, when Regina’s emotions got the better of her, she wasn’t interested in playing. Sometimes, she just wanted to hold Emma. Or be held. It was rare. But when it happened, it filled Emma up completely. This was Regina at her most exposed. This was the wide-open, raw heart that she would die to protect. This was a side that nobody ever got to see. Ever. Just Emma.

Emma grinned at her lover. “A little.”

“Payback?” the word quivered on her lips.

Emma’s grin spread and she shook her head, beaming at the one beside her. “I told you. I’m going to take my time.”

“I lost my virginity in this bed,” Regina breathed out. And in response, Emma dipped two fingers inside Regina’s dripping cunt. Instantly, they were clung in a vice grip, and Regina’s head snapped back. Her breath caught in her throat before she let out a little cry.

Leaning forward, Emma grabbed Regina’s neck in between her teeth, and sucked at her pulse point. It earned her a heightened moan. “Now whose teasing?” she husked against the hot skin, leaning down to kiss a protruding collar bone before coming up to nip at Regina’s jaw. She pulled her fingers out slowly, pressing against Regina’s spongy center, and then plunged them back in, applying pressure to the swollen cervix inside.

“Oh!” Regina’s arm flew around Emma, cradling her head and pressing it closer into the dip of her neck. Emma pressed her lips to Regina’s skin and began suckling softly as her fingers found a steady rhythm inside those hot walls. Regina’s hips began thrusting forward gently, inviting more, encouraging the pace.

They were locked together now, battling for breath. Emma felt the hand holding the back of her head caress her scalp, supporting her. It made her smile to herself. Regina just couldn’t help but coddle her.

“Did it feel this good?” she asked against the wet skin of Regina’s neck before dipping to kiss further down.

Regina was panting. Her hips were rocking against Emma’s hand. Emma felt Regina’s desire dripping down her leg and onto the comforter. She was beyond gone at this point. “N-nobody felt this good,” she finally managed. Her hand moved away from the back of Emma’s head to press into her back. “Emma…how much?”

She paused to give Regina a questioning look, but the action made Regina cry out and press their bodies so close together, Emma thought they might both be bruised. She picked the pace back up instantly, satiating the hunger in Regina’s eyes. She hadn’t missed Emma’s look though.

“How much do you love me? Tell me…show me…”

Emma squeezed her eyes shut as the ache in between her legs nearly stabbed her. When it passed, she pulled out of Regina just long enough to press all four of her fingers firmly together. And then she slid them into Regina’s ready opening.

Regina’s head flew back, eyes shutting tightly, her mouth opening to release a scream that caught in her throat. And Emma leaned forward to growl against it, kissing below Regina’s ear before whispering to her. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.” She curled her fingers and pulled them out painfully slow. “I’m afraid one day, I’m going to wake up and realize it was all just a dream.”

Both hands grabbed hold of her face, and Regina fell forward again, pressing their sweaty foreheads together. She whimpered. “You’re not dreaming, baby.”

“Yes I am,” she argued, smiling. “You’re my dream.” Quickening the pace of her hand, Regina moved with it, her hips crashing down against Emma’s knuckles. She was barely moving in and out now; Regina’s hold on her was so tight. She was so full, that Emma barely needed to move at all. She was riding out her own pleasure, wild with it. It had consumed her.

“Oh fuck…” Regina cried, and Emma wished she could freeze the moment, knew it would play over and over in her head like a beautiful clip in times she needed to see it, hear it all over again. As she felt Regina come, she clutched at her pussy roughly, palm rubbing against Regina’s clit, hand in a vice grip as Regina bucked against her. She was lost in the sensation, and all Emma could do was stare at her in awe, rub the soft sponge of Regina’s most precious spot. She realized she was crying out too, face hidden against Regina’s neck, repeating her name.

Regina’s hips stilled slowly, her walls pulsed around Emma’s fingers in wonderful successions. And Emma flexed them slightly as she felt each one, pressing her lips against Regina’s. They were swollen too, trembling from the high of her orgasm. Regina brought her hand up and smoothed Emma’s hair, tucking a lock behind her ear. “Don’t leave yet,” she shivered.

Emma shook her head. “I won’t.”

Regina’s eyes were starting to droop. She was wore out. Emma smiled inwardly.

“I love you,” Regina said, her eyes closing momentarily, hand still running through Emma’s hair. Sighing, Regina smiled. Emma began slowly pulling out, and Regina cupped her cheek and pressed against her in response. When Emma was all the way out, an almost sad sigh exited her lover. She kissed Regina once, taking her aching hand and running it lightly across Regina’s thigh.

Clearing her throat, Emma whispered. “Hey, you know that thing I said yellow to at Christmas?”

As she suspected, Regina’s eyes flew open, and they focused intently on Emma’s face. She could see them searching as her pupils began to shrink, the dark color coming back to them slightly. “Yes.”

“Maybe…” Emma bit her lip, feeling the shift in Regina’s demeanor, anticipating it. “Maybe we could give it a try.”

A thumb found its way back to Emma’s bottom lip, brushing softly as Regina gave a little smile. “You sure?”

Emma smiled back. “Yeah. Not tonight, but…”

Regina chuckled at that. “No, not tonight.”

“We have a lot of new things coming up this week, I kinda don’t want to add any more. But…just so you know.”

The humor in Regina’s eyes left. “We do. Are you ready for it?”

It was Emma’s turn to laugh, shaking her head ironically. “I don’t think there is a way to be ready for it. It just has to be done.”

Regina sighed, her brows furrowing as she cupped Emma’s cheek. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish you didn’t have to be forced to tell anyone. Not when you’re not ready.”

“Well, Ruby knew,” Emma rolled her eyes, annoyance tainting her voice. “So this might not be so much of a stretch.”

Eyes sharpening, Regina’s mouth fell partially open. “She knew?”

“Yeah. I put two and two together when everyone at The Dungeon kept referring to it. Seemed really proud of herself, too.”

At that, Regina rolled her eyes too. “Yes, that sounds like Ruby.” But she turned serious again as she bit her bottom lip. “Emma…” Emma could hear the trepidation in her voice, and recognized it instantly. This was the tone Regina used when she wasn’t sure what Emma’s reaction was going to be. When she treaded carefully to spare Emma her feelings. And she was glad she had learned to recognize it so well, because it always prepared her to react in a way that would set Regina’s mind at ease. Because Regina should be okay to tell her anything, and she didn’t want to teach her any different. “The Dungeon…I can’t help but think that you regressed because…”

Her voice trailed off, and Emma wanted to laugh, cry, hold onto the woman beside her. Because it was all just too damn funny how both of them were on the same wave-length with so much. “Yeah,” she said through a smile. “I thought of that too.”

Regina blinked, surprise coloring her face. “You did?”

Emma nodded. “Whenever I watch the Littles play. I get this…feeling.” Regina was watching her, waiting. “I can’t describe it. But, I think maybe…there’s something to explore there?”

Carefully, Regina continued to pet Emma’s hair. “Are you saying you want to go? And Play?”

Emma swallowed the surprising nervous lump in her throat. There it was again. Thrilling, terrifying, and…something else.

“I think so.”

Regina leaned forward, and pressed their foreheads together. Her grip on Emma tightened as she sighed. “What’s my promise to you, Emma?”

A familiar calm passed over her, loosening the lump, untying the knots in her chest. “You’ll always keep me safe.”

Those eyes that had already gone soft and warm seemed to glow with it. And there she was, her Mama, holding her, keeping her anchored. “And I will. Whatever you decide. If we go, I’ll keep you safe. I’ll always protect you, my Little One.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Mother’s Day to the incredible woman who birthed and raised me, and the other one whose kept the torch lit in my adulthood 😂


	34. The Playpen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an extrie-long chapter for you all.

“Wow.” Brows raised and humor coloring his features, Emma had to fight the urge to smack the smirk right off his face.

“That’s it? Just ‘wow’?” she asked through gritted teeth.

August shrugged his shoulders, flipping another page in the file they were looking over. It was starting to warm up, the mornings taking less time to melt off the frost from the night before, the days drawing out longer and longer with a brighter sun. They were spending their lunch on the patio of Emma’s favorite burger joint, though she had barely touched her food. Telling August what was going on with her had all but eliminated her appetite.

“I’m not great with fancy words,” August said nonchalantly. “That’s why I have Zelena.”

The comment made Emma momentarily forget her worries, and she matched the smirk on August’s face with her own. “Have I told you how happy it makes me that you and Zee are just as pathetic as you claim Regina and I are?”

“No, but glad to see you’re finally catching up with the world,” he answered, still seeming unperturbed about anything she had said as he took a massive bite of his burger. “You gunna eat that?” he asked with a full mouth, pointing to Emma’s barely-touched fries. She scooted the basket his way. He swallowed the massive bite and wasted no time on them. “So, what…I’m back on babysitting duty?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Shut up.”

But August just laughed. “Don’t get so touchy. Besides, I’m always on babysitting duty. I just don’t call it that so you can feel like a grown up every now and then.”

“If you’ve got a problem with it, just tell me, and I’ll work something else out,” Emma spat, not in the mood for the banter. This was weird and uncomfortable. This was nothing she felt like doing. “I’ve got enough on my plate. I don’t need to worry about you not being on board.”

At that, August stopped all chewing and browsing of the file, and focused his attention on Emma. The look he gave her was about as serious as she’d ever seen on him. “Fuck you,” he sneered, not completely unkind. “You’re my best friend.”

Emma opened her mouth to make a retort, but nothing came out as those words hit her. They were wholly unexpected. “So?” she found herself saying, feeling that the question didn’t quite illustrate her reaction to his statement.

“So…” picking up a single fry and running it through a glob of ketchup before putting it in his mouth, he laughed without humor. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you don’t do anything stupid, like you usually do. I’ll be by your side every hour of every working day if that’s what it takes. Because despite what you like to tell yourself, I actually care about you, you oblivious fuckwit.”

Emma stared at him, trying to work out the features on his face. But they were calm and relaxed, typical August, more interest placed on the food in front of him than the words he was saying to her or the effect they might have.

Swallowing, the only thing Emma could think to say was: “this is different.” It made August cock his head to the side, looking for more explanation. “This isn’t me going off on my own to be stubborn, or not making great decisions. This is me not making decisions at all. I have no control. I’m not there.”

But August surprised her again with his next words. “Yes, you are,” he said. “It’s still you.”

Emma didn’t know how to articulate how she disagreed with that statement. She knew it was her, deep down. A child that had bad experiences, yet enough wonder left in her mind to feel that there was still hope. But the other side of it was that that child had grown up, realized what a mess the world really was, that nobody was coming to save her, that it was going to get much worse before it got better. And who she was now was something in between. Things had gotten better; the past was behind her. But it still haunted her every day. Barging into her life when she least expected it, never asking permission, never slowing down. “It doesn’t feel like me,” she finally said.

For once, August didn’t make a witty comeback. He just studied her with an uncharacteristic frown on his face, his meal now too going unnoticed. “Look, kid, I’ve told you before: I can’t imagine what you’re going through, I can’t imagine what it must have been like growing up. But you’re not alone in this, Em. You know that.”

“Just because I’m not alone doesn’t mean it still doesn’t suck.”

“No, I get that. I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re going to be in this situation, you couldn’t have a better team flanking you. Zelena’s a mental genius and so’s Whatchie.”

“Archie,” she corrected.

“Yeah him. And Regina, well…she already takes pretty good care of you.”

She sighed, for the first time wondering how much she should actually tell him. In the end, she said nothing. “Look, if anything happens, just call Regina. She’ll know what to do.”

“On it,” he said, going back to his newly-acquired french fries and laying into them. She was glad he didn’t seem too disturbed by the news, but another part of her hated the envy that boiled in her that he could just shrug it off and go back to his normal day. In the end, he had that option. They all did. Everyone but her.

***

Emma ran to the store before going home, picking up items that Regina had texted to her to put the rest of their evening’s meal together. As she entered the kitchen to set them down, Regina was already hard at work with her “Mama’s Kitchen” apron on. Emma leaned in to peck her hello, and Regina smiled.

“Hi. Thanks for getting all that. Did you pick up the mail?”

Emma grabbed the envelopes she had tucked under her arm and held them up. “And I dropped off your dry cleaning.” Since Regina pretty much cooked every meal, and clearly did many more tasks, Emma had taken to picking up random chores whenever she could. Regina would get in her car to go home from work to find that Emma had snuck it off while she had been in the office to fill up the gas tank and take it to the car wash, she didn’t let Regina touch the laundry, and she took kitchen cleanup very seriously. She’d even taken Regina’s chef knives to the local butcher to have them sharpened, bringing them back in a nice new roll bag. Regina started to complain that Emma was spoiling her, but she didn’t care. She felt that these things were the least she could do. Regina had given her so much.

“Good girl,” Regina praised, going back to chopping up what looked like soon-to-be glazed carrots after giving Emma her hello kiss.

“I’m gunna go change,” Emma mumbled, and it felt as if she were dragging herself out of the kitchen. Her feet felt heavy. Her head felt heavy. It had been a long day.

As she walked out, she heard her name, and turned around to look at Regina. The expression that met her made her feel a tiny pang of guilt. “You okay?”

Emma’s guilt increased as she realized she hadn’t quite shared in Regina’s enthusiasm about her being home. She was actually very glad to be home. She was very glad this day was about to be over.

Forcing a smile Regina’s way, she nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day.”

Regina’s eyes darkened slightly, and Emma saw her jaw set like it did when she was deep in thought. “Did you talk to August?”

Emma knew she must have winced at the question, and wanted to kick herself for the involuntary reaction. But it was too late. The moment that happened, she saw Regina register her unwillingness to dive into the conversation. She would. She wanted to talk to Regina about it. But right now…she was just too tired.

“Yeah,” she said. “We’re all set.”

Regina didn’t respond to that, and Emma knew it was because that wasn’t necessarily the answer she had been looking for. It wasn’t exactly an answer that sounded great in her own head. “All set” implied that you had solutions to things that were actually solvable. This didn’t feel solvable. Archie seemed to have confidence that Emma was going to be able to work through this, and she guessed she would have to. What choice did she have? But it all sounded so overwhelming, and a whole lot of work that in that moment, she didn’t particularly have the energy for.

But Regina seemed to sense her apprehension on the subject - because Regina was able to pick up on a lot of things Emma couldn’t verbalize – and she gave her a reassuring smile. “Alright. Go wash up. I’ll be here.”

When she came back into the kitchen in her evening clothes, Regina was still fixed on chopping up vegetables, her back to Emma, humming happily. Emma stood in the doorway quietly, and just gazed at her. Her eyes drifted up and down Regina’s body. She was still in her slacks from work, but had taken her heels off and was walking around in socked feet. Her blazer and collared shirt had been stripped off as well, revealing just her undershirt. She looked perfectly content, doing the thing she loved, probably looking forward to the two of them sitting down together.

It wasn’t until Regina turned around and smiled at her that secret smile that Emma realized she was fidgeting with her hands, leaning her head against the door frame, sucking her cheeks in between her teeth playfully as she watched Regina cook. Only when she saw the look on Regina’s face, the shift in her eyes, did she realize that her gestures and posture were traveling to a different place. A place that sounded so much nicer and less stressful than all that other stuff she had to deal with that day. And the stuff she would have to deal with on Friday; telling her best friends that there was yet another development to her PTSD.

But Mama’s voice didn’t sound upset or scared or sad at all. She sounded happy, carefree, just the spot Emma wanted to be in as she asked: “You want to help Mama, baby?”

Emma blinked. She would have been surprised by the change in tone if she wasn’t already so willing to continue slipping. The more she thought about it, the more wonderful it sounded. She was really tired, after all. Tired of the responsibility, tired of the worry, tired of all the things.

When she didn’t answer right away, Mama came forward. Her hands were taken into soft palms and brought to tender lips. “Come on.” She was guided to the counter, where she was helped up to sit, and a recipe book was placed in her lap. Mama pointed to a spot on the page, and said, “You read me these instructions, alright?”

Emma did. One by one, she called out the next steps, and Mama made sure it was done. Even though she said the words, Emma wasn’t sure if she knew how to do any of them, so she kept looking up to watch and see how Mama did it. Turning the knob on the oven she wasn’t allowed to touch, putting some food stuff in one bowl and others in another. Emma would have just put them all in one. Didn’t know why it was so important to separate them.

As they kept going, Emma started to feel a little better. Today was hard, she thought. But things didn’t seem so hard now. This was easy. Just read one, two, three, and Mama did the rest. Real simple.

That was, until it was time to eat. Then Emma was placed in front of all the food she’d watched being cooked, and the smell was nice, but not nice enough to do anything about. She didn’t feel hungry. She actually felt like her tummy didn’t feel very good. It was all twisted up, and sometimes it did a little flip flop, and Emma hated it because she didn’t really feel sick. She just felt like the hard stuff made things not seem so yummy.

Emma sat staring at her plate for a minute before her knife and fork were picked up and her meatloaf was cut into pieces for her. Her green beans and carrots too. Mama called them Candy Carrots, and Emma pinched one in between her thumb and forefinger to get some of the sticky brown glaze on them before she stuck them in her mouth to suck on the flavor. She liked doing that. Flavor was sweet and smoky. But it didn’t make her tummy grumble for more. Her food in pieces always helped make them more yummy, but it didn’t feel like it so much now.

She was knocked out of her thoughts as a piece of meatloaf was brought to her lips, speared at the end of a fork. Emma eyed it for a moment, and then turned her face slightly away.

“It’s just meatloaf, Emma. You love meatloaf.”

Emma did love meatloaf. She was usually not allowed to start it until she had at least three bites of her veggies, but it was always worth it in the end. Mama’s meatloaf melted in her mouth and tasted so good. If she wasn’t all knotted up, she’d be really excited she got to have it before her green beans.

“No thank you,” she found herself saying instead, hoping the manners would work. Whenever Mama wanted her to try something new, she had to take a No Thank You Bite. That way, she could at least say she tried it. And sometimes it got her a reward. Of course, that was after she had taken a bite.

She felt the back of Mama’s hand press to her forehead, and then her cheek as she kept swirling some of the sticky Candy Carrots on the plate with her finger. “You feeling okay, Baby? You didn’t eat breakfast either.”

“Not hungry,” Emma shrugged. She figured she didn’t “feel warm”, as Mama sometimes said, because the hand went away and the fork was back in front of her mouth.

“Emma. You need to eat something. Did you have lunch?”

A flash of August eating her untouched fries passed through her mind. Then what they had been talking about as he ate them, and Emma felt that roll of her tummy. “Yeah,” she said weakly, hoping that Mama didn’t catch the lie.

“You don’t sound so sure.”

Darn it! How did she do that? Emma huffed once, angry with herself.

“Emma, if you’re not feeling good, you need to tell me.” Uh oh. Warning tone. Worried voice. That wasn’t a good sign. Emma pressed her lips together, and started working out how she was going to get out of this. She wanted to pinch herself. She didn’t want Mama to be mad or worried, but she didn’t want to eat either.

“Not sick. N’ don’t want foods.” Emma said, sitting back in her chair and setting her face. The hand that went through her hair stopped.

“Four bites of each.”

But Emma wasn’t in the mood to compromise. She wasn’t hungry. She just wanted to not be in front of food anymore. It was starting to make her feel sick just sitting there. The only thing that wasn’t going to upset her stomach more was not sitting in front of her on a plate right now.

“No.” Emma kicked her feet out once, trying to let out some frustration. “Milkies.”

“I’m not arguing with you about this. You need to eat your dinner.” Emma knew that tone well. Mama was done trying to reason with her. The fork that was in her hand stabbed at several pieces of green beans and carrots, and she brought it to Emma’s mouth.

“No. Not hungry!” Emma brought a hand up, and shoved the fork away forcefully.

The fork was let go, and it fell on the plate with a loud clank, making Emma start. A second later, she was up and out of her chair. A firm hand on her arm forced her across the room to the couch, where she was made to sit down. “Five minutes,” Mama announced. “And then we’ll revisit your decision.”

As Mama turned around to head back to the table, Emma gave a squeal and stood up, set on going down the hall to sit at her desk and scribble out her frustration. She shouldn’t have to sit there just because she didn’t want to eat. Not fair.

Mama spun back around so fast, Emma stopped dead in her tracks. The look she was being given was dangerous. “Sit back down. Right now,” she barked.

Emma winced at her tone, but mustered up enough courage to not let it break her resolve. “Don’t wanna time out!” she shouted.

“ _Now_ , Emma,” Mama warned.

They stared, Emma brooding, determined not to break. She didn’t want to sit on the stupid couch. But then Mama straightened and raised her eyebrows, shrugging. “Okay. Ten minutes off of story time.”

Emma’s jaw dropped. The indignity of the statement made angry tears fill her eyes, and she shouted her incredulity. “You can’t do that!” But Emma knew better. Mama could do that. She absolutely could.

“Sit down or it’ll be twenty.”

“But I’m not hungry!” she cried again, fists coming up to her eyes to try and dry them. All it did was smear salty tears all over her cheeks. "I wanna have story time!"

“Then you need to either tell me you’re not feeling well, or you need to at least try to eat. And you certainly need to lower your voice."

But that was easier said than done. Emma didn’t feel sick. Not in the proper “sick” way. Her tummy might be doing flip flops, but it wasn’t because of anything other than her own head messing with her. But she didn’t know how to say it. Too complicated. Didn’t make any sense in her Little brain. She was done talking about everything. Done. She just felt tired of it all. And the look she was being given as she tried to wipe her eyes was that all of this was understood. Mama Magic. That didn’t make this any easier though. It just made Emma more frustrated that she was being made to say stuff when that was really, really hard to do.

“Hate time out!” she said, this time with much less conviction, completely on the edge of her frustration and her desire to not make this any worse for herself than it already was.

“Turn this around, Emma. Otherwise, no story time at all.”

The warning was plain. If she didn’t, Mama would absolutely follow through with the consequences. And that seemed to add to the despair Emma felt. Because she didn’t know what to do with the anger she felt. Wasn’t even sure if it was anger at all. It felt like something bigger than that. Something she couldn’t quite reach. Big Emma would know. But Big Emma wasn't here right now. She'd shoved her away, forcefully. But her feelings still lingered, dragging her down with all feelings and no way to put them together. Whatever this feeling was, it was going to be made so much worse if she didn’t get to have story time. Today had sucked. One of the things keeping her going had been looking forward to Mama reading to her until she fell asleep. Tonight, she was going to figure out what Harry and his friends were going to do about Norbert the baby dragon. She'd been looking forward to that. Now, it was going to be taken away. She'd have to wait until tomorrow.

Finally, she collapsed onto the couch, shoving her face into the cushions and sobbing into them. Good thing too. They muffled how loud she was screaming. It wasn’t fair! All because she didn’t want to eat dinner! She cried for what felt like forever, until she couldn’t cry anymore, catching the last of her sobs in a trembling shiver. When she looked up, Mama was sitting at the dining room table eating, as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

Emma sat quietly for a while, watching her back, wondering when the torture was going to be over. She wiped her tears as her fingers found her mouth, trying desperately to soothe herself. But it was no use. Guilt set it. She wasn’t mad at Mama, but she’d yelled at her all the same. And she’d lost her story time all because she didn’t want to listen.

She was so lost in her despair, she barely registered Mama coming to crouch in front of her, and Emma felt her wipe away a single tear left on her cheek. The action made her let loose another sob. A different kind of sob this time. Not frustration or anger. Just sadness. An overwhelming sadness, and exhaustion. She was so tired. All she wanted was to be held until all the sadness and tiredness went away for forever.

“Mama!” she cried out pitifully, knowing she’d screwed up, knowing she’d been unfair, but also wishing above everything that Mama was going to make these terrible feelings disappear. “I’m sorry! Please don’t take away story time! Please!” she threw her arms out, and just like every other time she fell, Mama caught her.

“Sshh…” a kind hand rubbed her back. A kiss was pressed against her temple as she buried her face in Mama’s neck. “Come on sweetheart. Don’t cry anymore. You’re alright.”

“I’m sorry Mama! I’ll do anything! I’ll eat all my dinners!”

“Baby,” real sweet Mama voice. She didn’t sound mad anymore. Like Emma, it all went away. She pulled away to wipe Emma’s face, and Emma wanted nothing more than to dive back in and get lost in those arms. “What happened today, hm?”

Emma rubbed her eyes again. She hiccupped once, and whispered, "tired..." She was tired. But not in the way that she couldn't keep her eyes open. In the way that her heart and head felt heavy, stuffed with too many hurtful things.

Another sweet rub of her cheek with a kind hand. A kiss placed on her forehead. She wanted to melt into it. Wanted to just close her eyes and forget about everything. Be held.

"I know, my love. It's not fair, is it?"

And that did it. It said it all. And the words Emma had been screaming in her head all day coming from the one she loved the most made her crumble. She fell forward, and was caught immediately, her head crashing against a warm chest, her body enveloped in loving arms. It wasn't fair. She shouldn't have to tell her friends about really bad things. She shouldn't have to deal with really bad things at _all_. Didn't want to forget stuff, not know when something was coming. Didn't want to have to do breathing exercises or therapy or all the other really exhausting things that nobody else had to do because they were all normal.

She didn't realize she was sobbing loudly until she was fully wrapped in loving arms. Shushing noises were whispered in her ear as she found herself nearly sitting in Mama's lap, who'd joined her on the couch, argument forgotten. "It's alright," she murmured, running her hand through Emma's hair as she held her. "Oh, my baby girl...it's going to be okay."

The words felt good, but once Emma had started letting it all out, she couldn't stop. Everything just felt so incredibly hard right now. And sometimes that was okay when she felt bigger. Sometimes. But right now, when she was slipping, it was way too overwhelming. She was far too raw to be able to sort, pack it up and keep it all tucked away.

But this felt good. To release it. To scream it all out. To have Mama understand and hold onto her, promise the light was still at the end of the tunnel. Her fingers found her mouth again, and as she rested her head on that comforting shoulder, she suckled them feverishly, willing herself to believe Mama's promise.

"Come on," Mama whispered in her ear. "How about just five bites. Then bath time, hm?"

Emma clutched the body she was against harder, and she nodded. She could try that. Mama pulled away and guided her to their spots at the table, where she took Emma's napkin and cleaned her face gently. As her tears were wiped away, Mama pulled her fingers out of her mouth and wiped them too. The napkin was put down and Emma's fork was picked back up. A single carrot was pierced against the prongs, and Emma tentatively took the bite offered to her. Even glazed in brown sugar, it tasted like dirt in her mouth, but she chewed dutifully before swallowing it down. It seemed to sit in her stomach like an anvil, making her wince.

It didn't go unnoticed. The next bite and the ones after were much smaller, and she was given plenty of time to get it all down.

When she was led to the bathroom, stripped down and sat in the warm water of the tub, Emma played with the suds as Mama rubbed over her skin with a warm cloth. "In the morning, we'll have some yogurt and toast, alright?"

"Sourdough?" Emma asked hopefully, looking up at the kind eyes that watched her as she was bathed.

A smile spread across Mama's face. Dipping the cloth back into the water and wiping Emma down at her privates, she nodded. "Of course."

It was far enough away that it didn't make Emma's tummy roll at the thought. Maybe by then, she would be hungry. When she was bathed and dried off, her teeth brushed and her jammies on, Mama brought her into her lap on the bed, and began lifting her undershirt to reveal her nursing bra. As it was unclasped, Emma’s hand went up to cup the swollen flesh tenderly, her lips just barely grazing the areola of Mama’s breast. Another wave of sadness hit her, this time tinted with relief. Relief that despite all of the bad things about the day, she had this quiet place now, wrapping her in its comfort, protecting her from the rest of the world. Again the feelings were too complex for her to wrap her mind around. It just made her tired. Tired and sad. As the tears started again, she felt their intertwined bodies move in a peaceful ebb.

“Emma…” Mama sang as she rocked her, guiding the mound of her breast closer to Emma’s barely touching lips until she finally latched on. When she did, the tears flowed more freely, quietly down her cheeks, dashed away by a soft thumb. “Mama’s here, baby. I’m right here.”

Emma turned into the warm body, trying to get as close as she could. Be held as tightly in those open arms. The milk flooded into her mouth as she gave the first suck, telling her that everything was alright. That she could stay here in this place, protected, safe.

***

“Whose walking me down the isle?” Ruby asked with a mouth full of wedding cake. It was their fifth sample, and Emma was so full of sugar, none of them tasted any different anymore. She buzzed pleasantly as she listened to her friends.

“I’ve already told you. James,” Mary Margaret answered.

“Oh yeah!” Ruby exclaimed. “He’s a cutie.”

Mary Margaret let out a scoff as her mouth fell open. “He’s David’s _identical_ twin!” she squeaked.

As Emma laughed, Ruby nudged Mary Margaret playfully, licking her fingers free of the frosting. “I’m just messing with you. Killian and I are going to have our own little ceremony in between yours and the reception.”

“Ew,” Emma grunted, not looking up from her plastic plate, making sure every smudge of frosting made it into her mouth.

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Like Regina isn’t going to have trouble keeping it in her pants as soon as she sees you in that dress.”

Emma shifted in her chair, the very thought of Regina pulling her into a private corner and slamming her against the wall, hiking up the red frills to enter Emma right then and there making her all hot and bothered. She’d finally been fitted for her dress, and the three friends had spent a good hour gushing over themselves and each other in the mirrors of the boutique.

Emma was lapping up the normalcy of it while she could. Because she needed to talk to Ruby and Mary Margaret about her regression. Telling August had been nerve wracking. She struggled with the very idea of her friends worrying over her. She hated being the center of such negative attention. But she and Regina had decided: for Emma’s safety, they all needed to know. Even if it never happened again, or only happened at home when Regina would be there, they had agreed that they were better off safe than sorry.

“She absolutely will,” Mary Margaret agreed enthusiastically. “Emma, you looked amazing in it. Both of you will steal the show.”

Emma grumbled, finally giving up on the empty plate when it ran out of frosting. When the bakery assistant came to ask Mary Margaret which cake she liked the best, Ruby surprised Emma by wiping at the corner of her mouth with a thumb.

“You’ve got frosting all over your face, dork.”

Emma felt herself blush, and grabbed a napkin to wipe her mouth.

“Okay, let’s do lunch!” Mary Margaret announced as she turned away from the girl that had been helping them, and Emma felt her stomach churn at the thought.

“We just ate like five pieces of cake!” Ruby exclaimed.

“You weren’t _supposed_ to eat that much,” Mary Margaret laughed. “It’s called a tasting for a reason. Come on! I want to treat my maids of honor.”

They sat on the patio of a bistro that Mary Margaret claimed she and David went to regularly, the sun hitting their faces as Ruby wrestled with the umbrella at the table, trying to shield them from the worst of it. “It’s going to be hotter than hell this summer, you watch.”

Mary Margaret sipped her iced tea daintily, reminding Emma of that little bird she always resembled. A tiny pang hit her at the thought; she really hadn’t spent as much time with her friends as she used to. That was to be expected when you no longer lived with someone. But Emma had lived with Ruby and Mary Margaret for so long, it was strange to feel so removed from them. Ruby, she saw more often than not since she and Zelena lived so close, and their combined living situation made for many more times together. Mary Margaret, however, was clear across town now with David, and was about to be married, start a family, move on.

“Guess we won’t have many more times like this,” Emma said, not being able to help the tint of sadness in her voice.

Mary Margaret’s face screwed up incredulously, and she scoffed. “Of course we will! I’m getting married, Emma, not moving to India.”

“You know what I mean,” she shrugged. “It’s just different now. Not just the three of us anymore.”

“I’m the one whose sad,” Ruby interjected. “At least the two of you have someone.”

“What about Killian?” Mary Margaret asked kindly, probably knowing the answer already, Emma assumed.

Ruby shook her head. “It’s just not that way between us. He’s fun and all. And we’re good friends. But I don’t know. We’re never going to take it further than that.”

“That’s not really your thing anyway,” Emma shrugged, and was surprised to see Ruby’s expression at the words. She looked sad, or maybe regretful. “Is it?”

Ruby’s head jerked up, and she quickly straightened her features, giving Emma that wide smile she was so famous for. “No! I mean, at least not with Killian. I don’t know. It isn’t really that. It’s just, now with the two of you moving onto the next stage of your lives, I’ve got to figure out what mine is. We’ve been one way for so long, just the three of us. I’ve never had to think about it before.”

“And now you are,” Mary Margaret coaxed, eyes fixated sympathetically on her friend.

Ruby shrugged again. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“What is it that you want?” Emma asked, and that just made Ruby seem sadder.

“That’s just it. I don’t know.”

Emma and Mary Margaret exchanged a look as their lunches were brought out. Emma eyed the turkey sandwich she’d ordered, and decided to instead pick up a fry and start with that. “I’ve gotta tell you guys something.”

“If you say you’re getting married, I’m sliding under the table and puking right now,” Ruby announced, and Emma could hear she was trying to lighten the mood after what she had just confessed to her friends.

“No, but thanks for the support,” Emma deadpanned. Taking a deep breath, she launched into what had happened the weekend prior, including her impromptu appointment with Archie.

“Emma,” Mary Margaret breathed out, the look on her face dripping with concern and incredulity.

“So what,” Ruby shook her head. “You just went to sleep and then woke up like that?”

“I guess,” Emma shrugged.

Ruby’s eyes narrowed at her. “Why does all this crap happen to you in your sleep?”

“Because it’s when she actually gives herself a minute,” Mary Margaret said simply. “Emma, you’ve never been a good sleeper. And you have never slowed down. Now when you sleep…something else sort of…wakes up.”

Emma stared at her, slightly blown away by the observation. She had never been a good sleeper, and when she did sleep, it had always been fitful. Emma had learned at a very early age to keep one eye open at all times, no matter how tired you were. Being with Regina had changed that. And in the process, other changes seemed to be happening too.

“I didn’t even know that was possible,” Ruby mused darkly, making Emma turn to her.

“What about all the Littles you know,” she asked. “You’ve never heard of it?” She was genuinely curious. At the beginning of their relationship, Regina had mentioned regression to Emma several times. In fact, she had been very pointed about making sure she knew exactly which Emma was prone to: Playing or regressing. She must have gained that knowledge from somewhere. Emma always assumed that it was part of the community, that it was known some Littles regressed.

But Ruby gave her an unsure look. “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never had one of my own, so I can’t say for sure. All the Littles are so different. Some are sexual with their Caregivers, others aren’t, some are into The Life full time, other’s only sometimes. Sometimes it’s obvious that they’re Playing, and then other times it really isn’t that obvious. But I’ve never sat down and had a real in-depth conversation with one or their Caregivers to know if maybe what you’re experiencing is unheard of. I’ve got a feeling, though, that no matter how deep they go under, they aren’t truly regressed unless they’ve also got some sort of trauma like you. I guess I never completely believed it.”

“I’m…a little lost here,” Mary Margaret’s voice made Emma jump. She was so focused on Ruby’s answer, that she forgot that there was some translating that needed to be done on Mary Margaret’s part.

“Makes two of us,” Emma admitted, sighing as she tried to find the words to explain to Mary Margaret everything that Ruby had just said.

But Ruby took the reins, leaning back in her chair as she chomped on a fry. “I told you, Regina is Emma’s Caretaker.”

It was news to Emma that Ruby and Mary Margaret had had any type of conversation about she and Regina’s relationship, and she gave Ruby a weary eye as she saw Mary Margaret get a little flustered. “No, I get that part. What’s this about all Littles regressing?”

“That’s just it,” Ruby said impatiently. “They don’t.”

Emma felt a little disappointment at the words. She had been hoping, just a little, that maybe she’d be able to find somebody that was just like her. Somebody she could relate to. Instead, she sneered at Ruby. “Thanks for gossiping about me.”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “And like I told you, Mary Margaret already thought something was up. I just put a label on it.”

“It’s okay, Em,” Mary Margaret added. “But we’re getting off topic here. What do we need to do? How can Ruby and I help?”

Emma started at the shift in conversation, sighing. “I don’t know. Just that, if I regress when I’m with either of you…you’re going to need to take care of me. I’m…not in my right mind. I won’t know how to keep myself out of harm’s way.”

“How will we know the difference?” Ruby quipped, earning herself a glare from Emma.

“Oh, good point!” Mary Margaret perked up. “What if you aren’t really regressed?”

“Wait, what?” Emma looked at her incredulously. “What do you mean?”

But Mary Margaret gave her a look right back as if she were stupid for needing clarification. “How am I supposed to know if you’re actually regressed, or if you’re just doing whatever that thing is.”

It took Emma a moment to pick her jaw up off the floor and figure out if Mary Margaret was asking her a serious question. She looked to Ruby, who was hiding a smirk behind her glass of iced tea, and when they made eye contact, nodded with wide eyes. “Yeah, Em. How do we know?” she exaggerated the question.

“Because, you bitches!” Emma yelled. “I only do ‘whatever that thing is’ with Regina!”

When Ruby and Mary Margaret laughed, Emma sat back in her seat and heaved out a great sigh, partly annoyed with their teasing, and partly relieved that they were making the conversation easier for her. “You guys suck,” she mumbled, grabbing a french fry and moodily crunching on it.

***

Regina studied the form in her hand, marking the dates in her own calendar with a large red pen. Cora had sent her the court dates through the mail, with a simple note on a post it in the top corner that just said: “Call you when it’s all over xoxo”

She sighed. In two week’s time, her mother was going to learn her fate. Granny told Regina that word was they were already working on impeachment proceedings, and there weren’t enough oppositions to draw out the process. So no matter what happened in court, Cora had a lot of life changes coming her way.

Picking up her phone, she texted Zelena the dates. In a few minutes, she received a reply.

**Zelena: She sent it to me too. Did she tell you to stay away?**

**Regina: In so many words**

**Zelena: Me too**

She had a hard time wrapping her feelings around everything with her mother. On one hand, she was worried for her. She knew better than to think Cora would spend any time in jail. She was far too connected, and had way too much money to not be able to get herself out of that bind. Regina was sure whoever had taken her place as her mother’s lawyer had also worked that part out. But what her mother was going to do with her life once she lost the office she’d held for fifteen years, and how she was going to handle losing her status that had always been her identity was a different story.

At the same time, she felt an overwhelming relief. Relief that despite how ugly all of this was, the change was going to be good in the long run. Her mother was taking responsibility for the past, was trying better to connect with her daughters, would maybe find a way to reinvent herself. At least, that was what Regina hoped. This could go either way, but the last conversation she’d had with her mother gave her hope that Cora was going to turn things around. And their relationship would be better for it, instead of suffer.

She was broken out of her reverie when she heard the jingling of keys and the front door open. An involuntary smile crept onto her face, and she turned to wait for Emma to come into the room. When she did, Regina was surprised to see that she wasn’t alone. In her hand were a dozen red roses, a box of what looked like fancy chocolates, and a sheepish look on her face.

Cocking an eyebrow, her grin spread. “Did you buy me flowers?” she asked, making sure she sounded as incredulously surprised as possible.

Emma’s sheepish smile disapeared, and she looked at the bouquet in her hands. “No. Roses.” She winked as Regina rolled her eyes.

“And chocolates?”

“Psh,” Emma screwed up her face and walked towards her, handing out the roses, which Regina took. “These are for me. They had all these fancy boxes at the cake store we went to. Couldn’t resist.” As she now had her other hand free, Emma made like she was going to open the box and dig into them, but Regina was quick and stood up, taking the box from her. Emma didn’t fight it, but instead grinned at her and allowed Regina to lean forward and give her a sweet kiss on the lips.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.” She held up the box. “And I’m sure these are delicious.”

“Oh, they are,” Emma nodded. “I practically had a whole box while I was there.”

“Great,” Regina drawled.

“And cake.”

As she went into the kitchen to grab a vase, she called out: “So what you’re telling me is that you’re full of sugar, therefore dinner is out of the question.”

“Nah,” Emma followed her, jumping up on the counter to sit and watch as her partner filled a vase with water and began cutting the stems of the roses to put them in. “I took care of that too. We’re having pizza. It’ll be here in an hour.”

Regina turned to look at her, a wide smile spread across her face. “You thought of everything, didn’t you?”

Emma shrugged. “It’s been a long week. I thought you could use a break from the kitchen.”

“I love my kitchen,” Regina quipped.

“It’s not going anywhere.”

Once the roses were set, Regina walked over to Emma, placing herself in between Emma’s legs, who wrapped her arms around Regina’s neck.

“Any reason you’re deciding to spoil me?” Regina asked kindly, rubbing her hands along Emma’s thighs as she leaned up to claim a kiss.

Swallowing, Regina saw Emma’s face turning serious, apprehension coloring he eyes. Her voice was lower than it had been as she answered. “I know I’ve been a pain in the ass this week. I’m sorry.”

Taken aback by the statement, Regina’s brows knit together, her hands continuing their caressing of Emma’s legs. “No, you haven’t. You’ve just been stressed. And that’s okay.”

“Yeah, but…” she looked like she wanted to say something else, but it died in her throat.

Giggling, Regina took one of Emma’s hands in hers and brought the knuckles to her lips. “I’m no stranger to tantrums, Little One.” The hand in hers squeezed as she brushed it with her cheek.

“So…you wanna go to The Dungeon this weekend?”

Regina blinked, surprised. Emma wasn’t typically the one to initiate being out of her comfort zone, and to add to it, she’d had a very emotionally charged week. Although they had talked about going, she hadn’t been expecting it to happen so soon. At her hesitation, she saw Emma swallow, and she brought a hand up to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind Emma’s ear. “Is that what you want to do?”

She saw Emma biting her inner cheek, a habit she was sometimes prone to when Little. However, she wasn’t Little right now. She looked very much in control of her emotions and reasoning. But this was the thing about Emma, Regina knew: she was both at any given time. “I think so, yeah.”

She felt her head shaking before she realized the reaction. “You don’t sound like you’re positive. So I’m going to ask you again. Is that what you want to do? We could do a lot of other things this weekend. We don’t have to put another thing on your plate this week.”

But it was Emma’s turn to shake her head as Regina spoke, the resolve in her eyes absolute. “No, I want to go. And if it stresses me out too much, we can leave and take Sunday to recoup. I’m just…”

That look again; eyes dark and far away, completely in her head. Not for the first time, Regina could feel Emma trying to work something out.

“What are you looking for, my love?” she whispered, holding Emma’s hand to her chest protectively. She had the strange sense that she never wanted to let it go.

Emma didn’t answer right away. Seeing her chest heave up and down as she mulled over the question, Regina waited, but there didn’t seem to be an answer. She shrugged, and said, “Not sure yet.”

***

The music wasn’t as loud in the corner where The Playpen was, Emma noted. It was removed enough that it seemed to be in its own little world, hiding in the shadows of the rest of The Dungeon. But that wasn’t necessarily true; nobody was hiding here. Everyone seemed to either be walking by without concerning themselves with it, taking one curious glance and then moving on without thinking much of it, or completely comfortable joining along. All around the mesh pen were comfortable cushy benches, where plenty of Mommies and Daddies sat and chatted. Some were tending to their Little Ones, others seemed to be happy to let their Little Ones play on the floor in the middle.

Emma’s fingers were hooked around Mama’s jacket, death grip as she was led to The Playpen door. Before unlatching it, Mama turned to look at her. In her eyes was something that calmed Emma right away. Protection. Mama was fully alert. She wasn’t going to let anything happen to her here. “You ready to go in?” she asked.

Emma stole one more look inside the pen before answering. There were several Littles on the floor. One had just smacked another on the leg, and two Caregivers got up in no time, coming to correct the situation. A few others seemed to be involved in what looked like a conspiracy to escape the mesh walls, not noticing that their Daddies were already on to them as they amusedly sipped their drinks and watched.

Emma nodded, but kept her grip on Mama as the door was opened. She distracted herself by rubbing the leather in between her fingers. She’d made Mama wear her knee-cut jeans and black leather jacket with the embroidered heart that she loved. Mama agreed as long as Emma allowed herself to be dressed in overalls, which she kept pulling at as if they were too tight.

The moment they were inside, Emma heard her Mama’s name. Turning around, Mama’s smile appeared, and she led Emma to a spot on the other side of the door. “Elsa,” she beamed as a young blonde stood up and gave her a giant bear hug. Emma didn’t let go of the jacket as she felt Mama being tucked away. “How are you?” Mama asked.

The lady named Elsa shrugged and smiled. She wore what Emma thought was a really elegant baby blue dress, her hair in a neat braid down her back. “Same old. We’ve missed you around here.”

Emma stopped paying attention to the exchange as she looked around at the other Littles, all seemingly unconcerned with her arrival. That suited her just fine. She’d pushed for this, she knew. But being here and wanting to be here were two very separate things. Now in the thick of it, Emma wasn’t letting go of her safe space. Maybe this first night, she’d just stay by Mama…

She was knocked out of her reverie as Mama sat down on the bench with her friend, chatting away. Emma followed suit by sitting at her feet. Wrapping her arms around Mama’s legs, she felt her fingers tugged away from her mouth, and realized that she’d started to suck on them.

“Whose this?” Emma heard Elsa ask.

Without looking Elsa’s way, busying herself in her bag, Mama answered. “This is Emma.” She pulled Emma’s paci and clip out of her purse and clipped it to Emma’s overalls, guiding the nipple to Emma’s mouth.

Elsa knelt down and gave Emma a kind smile. “Hi Emma,” she cooed.

Emma answered by shoving her face into Mama’s lap, battling herself with whether or not she wanted others to see her with a paci. At the moment, the desire to soothe herself was winning out. She felt a hand go through her hair, and the knot that was building in her stomach started to untie itself.

“She’s a little shy. First time,” Mama explained.

“Oh god. Yeah, this is a lot.”

“Was Anna this shy when you first started coming?”

Emma peeked an eye out at the question, wanting to know the answer. She couldn’t be the only one who was shy around here, right?

But Elsa threw her head back and laughed. “Anna? Shy? Not on your life. She keeps me on my toes.”

Emma listened to them chat for a while, and at no point did Mama encourage her to go play with the other Littles, or even stop stroking Emma’s hair. Her eyes were on Elsa, but her mind was on Emma, she could tell. Every now and then, she’d look down and give Emma a smile, or fix one of the buttons on her overalls because Emma kept pulling at it. Emma just rested her head on Mama’s lap and let the vibration of the music distract her. She didn’t feel super thrilled right now, but not exactly terrified either. She was just trying to gauge her own emotions, but was having a hard time of it. Each time she gave it a shot, she felt a whirlwind go through her chest and sit right in her stomach. It didn’t feel very good.

A tap on her shoulder made Emma jump, and she looked back to see a young woman with two red braids draped on her shoulders, and a white and blue dress on. She sat on her knees and smiled at Emma. “Wanna come with me?” she asked, her voice not really high-pitched, but a tone that Emma recognized on some level. She didn’t return the bright smile that was being given to her however, and found that she was shriveling against Mama’s legs to the point of almost making Mama scoot over.

The redheaded girl’s smile didn’t falter, and she reached forward to tuck on the front of Emma’s overalls, giving a small whine. “C’mon, I wanna show you something!” she pleaded.

“Anna,” Elsa’s voice interrupted the one-sided conversation, and the girl’s head snapped up to look at her. “Why don’t you try introducing yourself first. Then maybe she’ll want to play with you?”

Emma’s eyes didn’t leave Anna’s, who she saw roll her own secretively, and give Emma a smirk. “I’m Anna,” she said, sticking her hand out dutifully, as if she wasn’t sure why she needed to do it, but had seen grownups do it before so why not.

Emma wasn’t going to move, but felt Mama’s legs give a little shove, and Emma pried one of her hands loose to stick it out and take the hand being offered. The moment they touched, Anna’s face brightened, and she shook roughly. “Nice ta meecha!” she sang.

To Emma’s displeasure, she felt Mama’s hand take her paci out of her mouth, and her cheeks burned furiously at her shield being taken away. “I’m Emma,” she whispered, realizing she had all but croaked it out.

“Great, now come _on_!” Anna begged, grabbing hold of Emma’s hand and tugging harder this time.

Emma gave one fleeting look behind her, and saw that Mama was giving her an encouraging smile, nodding. It made her feel a little better, though she felt doom plunging into her chest at being led away so far from her.

The Playpen wasn’t immense, however, and Anna found them a spot on the other corner of it and plopped down on her bottom, signaling for Emma to join her. Emma did, realizing it couldn’t happen too soon as her legs were like jelly. She eyed Anna wearily as the girl hummed her approval at being joined. Once Emma sat down, without missing a beat, Anna reached forward and grabbed Emma’s paci. For a split second, Emma had the urge to scream. The very idea that somebody would steal it from her felt as if her whole world would come tumbling down around her, and she would have been proven right that she wasn’t safe without her Mama, and she’d have to holler as loud as she could until Mama came to the rescue and got her paci back and then they could go home and have story time and Emma would never ever come to The Playpen again.

But Anna didn’t pull on it as she inspected it carefully. “Mama’s girl,” she read the inscription on the front, and then let the paci fall back against Emma’s chest. “I’m Mommy’s girl too. ‘Course,” she shrugged. “Mommy has my paci because she says I shouldn’t be sharing it with anybody else, so she takes it away when we come.”

“You share it?” Emma gaped, feeling absolutely scandalized at the idea. She wouldn’t share her paci with anyone in the world.

But Anna just shrugged again. “One time, Megan was here and she was real sad and her Daddy didn’t come for her, so what was I s’posed ta do?”

Emma didn’t have an answer. She just looked Anna over as she told her story. She was fidgeting with her hands like Emma always did, and it made a little smile tick on her face.

Anna peeked behind her to see if their mamas were looking, and then dug into her pocket. “Here,” she whispered as she fished out what looked to be candy.

Emma opened her palm and was given a tootsie roll and a miniature Snickers.

“Careful,” Anna said excitedly. “Hurry, eat them. Before Mommy sees us.” She unwrapped her own, and Emma followed suit. Before she realized what she was doing, she was crouched down with Anna and giggling as they secretly chewed on their chocolates. “Mommy always hides them in the house, but I find them every time. I’ve got a nose for ‘em,” she tapped the side of her nose.

“Your mommy has candy in the house?” Emma’s eyes widened as she took the last bite, and Anna nodded as if that was a ridiculous question to ask.

“’Course she does,” Anna nodded proudly. “She likes them too, but she says I eat too much.” She gave Emma a wink then, and for the first time, a smile spread on Emma’s face. She liked Anna, she decided. She seemed perfectly at home here, and Emma wondered how often she and her Mommy came.

Just then, a lion approached. Emma did a double-take as a tinier part of her first saw what ended up being a young man. He was on his hands and knees, had on a large lion onesie, and was carrying around a big bouncy ball. He pulled down his hoody to reveal dark hair cropped up short, and he looked about as skinny as you could get. He plopped down on his bottom in between the girls and pointed at Emma. “Who’re you?” he demanded.

Anna rolled her eyes and slapped him on the arm. “That’s rude, Will!” she accused, narrowing her eyes at him.

But he ignored her, and stuffed his ball in Emma’s chest, who nearly fell backwards. “We can play catch. I’ll go over there,” he pointed to one corner. “Anna will go over there,” he pointed to another corner, “and you can stay here.”

Emma cradled the ball in her arm so it didn’t fall, but made no movement to follow his orders. Her anxiety came screaming back, staring at his expectant face as he waited for her to comply.

But Anna interjected, calming her down. “We can’t play catch anymore, remember? Sam’s Daddy got real mad because he got hit in the head. And your Daddy said no more catch. Why’d he even let you bring that anyway?” She narrowed her eyes at the boy called Will suspiciously, but he shrugged.

“I just screamed until he said okay,” Will answered, taking the ball back from a statue Emma and tossing it up in the air to catch it. Emma blanched at the remark. If she just screamed to try and get her way, Mama would make her very sorry indeed. Not only would she not get what she wanted, but she’d have a few other things she wanted taken away too.

“Well, I’m not getting into trouble,” Anna said, her voice final. “Besides, it’s Emma’s first time, and she doesn’t need you getting her into trouble eithers.”

Will looked from Anna to Emma, and then gave a scoff. “Ugh! You guys are boring!” he tucked the ball under his arm and began crawling away. Emma noticed he had a tail on his onesie, and Anna pulled on it as he left. She let it go as he turned to swat at her, and then she looked back at Emma.

“That’s Will,” Anna said. “He’s alright. Has temper tantrums though. If it ever happens, just back away slowly. That wild animal suit isn’t a costume.”

Emma felt another grin spread on her face at the comment, and Anna pulled more candy out of her pocket. The two ate it as they talked about their favorite movies (Anna liked Madagascar the best), and discussed whether or not lasagna was close enough to pizza to be an approved dinner.

“Mama makes the best lasagna,” Emma stated, her chin coming up just slightly with pride. Mama made the best everything, but she kept the comment to herself.

“Blegh,” Anna stuck her tongue out and shoved her finger in her mouth. “Mine doesn’t. But she makes me eat like half of everything. So even the stuffs I don’t like, I gotta eat.”

Emma nodded, because this she could at least empathize with. “I have to have at least three bites of vegetables every night. No buts.”

Anna’s face screwed up again, but whatever she was going to say was paused by Emma’s name being called.

Emma looked up and was surprised to realize that she had forgotten about Mama sitting just thirty feet away. She and Elsa had their legs crossed, a drink in their hand, but whatever they had been discussing was over, and they had their attention on their Little Ones.

“I’ll be back,” Emma got up to approach, but the moment Emma sat down at Mama’s feet, Mama looked at her with true concern.

Her eyes darkened, and she brought a hand forward to put under Emma’s chin. “Where did you get chocolate?” she asked, an incredulous edge in her voice.

Emma’s eyes widened, and her stomach dropped. How did she know? That question was immediately answered as Mama put her drink down and fished in her purse for her pouch of baby wipes, and she took one out to wipe Emma’s face clean.

Emma fought the action, bringing her hands up to defend herself, and trying desperately to hide her face in Mama’s lap, who won out by holding her chin up firmly. “Emma,” she said, a darkness in her voice that had Emma worried. Was she really upset that she’d eaten candy? “We don’t just take candy from people and eat them. Now, where did you get it?”

But Elsa sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. “Oh, god. Anna!” she called. Just as she was about to get up, she looked at Regina with a kind smile. “Don’t worry Regina, she just got it from Anna. She always has chocolate contraband. I thought I checked her pockets…”

She was up and away to approach Anna, who Emma felt bad she had managed to get her in trouble without doing much of anything. But looking back at Mama, she could see relief coloring her face.

“Thank god.” All of Mama’s features softened, and she released her grip on Emma, who hadn’t even noticed she was being squeezed protectively.

Elsa and Anna approached, Elsa looking set in her resolve, and Anna looking down at the ground ashamedly. “Sorry Miss Regina,” she mumbled out.

But Mama smiled at her. “No, that’s okay, sweetheart. I was worried a strange grownup had given it to her.”

Anna shook her head emphatically then. “Nuh uh. I was with her the whole time. Honest.”

Emma was a little lost in translation in the conversation, but said nothing as she resumed holding onto Mama’s legs. Elsa sat back down, and Anna joined Emma on the ground. She gave Emma a little smile and nudge.

“Sorry if I got you into troubles,” Emma said, wondering if she had managed to lose her first Little friend ever.

But Anna just grinned proudly. “Nah. I’m always in troubles.”

Emma could barely keep her eyes open on their way home. She hadn’t realized how quickly the time had flown, and as they had reached The Dungeon at nine-thirty, it was well passed midnight now. The nap Mama had her take earlier seemed to have no benefit now as she fought her droopy eyes.

But the next thing Emma knew, she was being guided out of the car and to the elevator. Head resting on Mama’s lap, she felt herself being swayed side to side, a little tune hummed in her ear.

Emma managed to keep her eyes open long enough to brush her teeth, but she felt like she was in slow motion. Mama chuckled, and made sure Emma got all the spots she needed to before finally getting them to the bedroom. Once Emma was out of her overalls, she felt a bit freer, and jumped on the bed in her a shirt and underwear. She dug into the blankets to find Pankie, who was stuffed in between two pillows.

As she shifted around, she felt herself being guided onto her back, and Mama was there with her onesie, shuffling it up her legs and managing to sit Emma up and get it all the way on. Emma complied with the movements, keeping Pankie clutched in one hand.

“Did you have fun tonight, Little One?” Mama asked, her voice not sounding nearly as tired as Emma felt.

“Uh huh,” she mumbled as Mama finished zipping up her onesie and going to undress herself. “Anna is nice.”

A chuckle. “Anna is nice. Maybe the two of you can have another playdate, hm?”

Emma felt a surprising excitement at the statement. She had been terrified when they had first shown up and entered The Playpen, but all in all, it had been a successful evening. And she really had made a friend. She hadn’t been expecting that. She had really only expected to go and win the achievement of not vomiting her nerves all over her overalls.

“Okay,” she answered as Mama came back to the bed. She looked down at Emma, a twinkle in her eye that she recognized well, and leaned down to kiss Emma on each cheek.

“That’s my girl,” she praised.


	35. Strangers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely read the end of chapter notes. ;-)

When Regina didn’t hear from her mother for three weeks, she began to worry. Not that she didn’t know exactly what was going on; she had subscribed to The Daily Mirror online, which was following the case closely, and had an open dialog with Granny through various phone conversations.

The case had ended, Cora had taken a plea deal, and had been fined up to a hundred and fifty thousand dollars. She had been impeached, taken off of all city council posts, and essentially become a disgraced citizen.

Luckily for her, however, and to a vocal minority in the town’s dismay, she hadn’t spent more jail time than she had while awaiting her court date. This had taken some worry off of Regina’s shoulders, who had tried to lighten the sentence a bit by having Granny deliver food to Cora whenever she got the chance.

“You’d think she’d call one of us,” Zelena had scoffed, though Regina saw right through her annoyance, recognizing the anxiety building up there. “Any sightings of her in town then?”

She hadn’t been told of any. If Cora was still in Storybrooke, she was staying cooped up in the house. The gardeners tended to the grounds with a check left in the mailbox for them every week, the other mail that was supposed to be coming every day had had delivery stopped, and when Regina called the house, the phone just rang and rang.

Regina knew her mother would probably disappear from sight in Storybrooke. Despite everything, Cora was still a proud person, and her pride had been wounded. She wasn’t likely to show her face around town willingly for a while. Despite this, she still wished she wasn’t on the same list of people Cora was trying to stay away from. The only thing keeping her head on straight was that her mother had forewarned her that she would be the one to get in touch.

Meanwhile, Regina could tell that Emma had noticed her mind was elsewhere. She saw it in the way Emma looked at her, or the way she said certain things. The way she made sure every little chore was done around the house, or any extra thing that fell in their lap like a clogged sink the week prior was handled long before Regina had to lift a finger. She was grateful, and showed her gratitude, but the other side of her was battling with Emma being so doting. It meant that Emma was worried about her, and she hated that idea. To add to it, Emma would be the first one to tell her to get over it, that she was her partner and therefore was going to worry when Regina was stressed. And that was fair. She understood. It just went against her nature.

What really kept her heart light and her head out of the chaos it was in was taking care of Emma, who was knee-deep in helping Mary Margaret with wedding plans, had been on several all-night stakeouts in the past month, and was still battling with accepting her regressions. Emma needed her, and she wanted to be needed. She loved coming home at the end of the day and soothing those weary eyes, laughing with her about a funny story from Ruby or August that day, talk with her about her latest drawing, holding her as she read aloud a new chapter every night. It fed her soul to pick up on Emma’s queues and make sure she was or wasn’t slipping, bathe or spoon feed her when she was Little, hold her until she fell asleep. While Emma hadn’t had a full-on flashback or regression in the last couple of weeks, she’d had several nightmares that had her on the edge, waking up sputtering and sweaty, tears in her eyes as she searched out the arms ready to soothe her.

All in all, however, Emma was doing well. She wasn’t one to be dragged down by setbacks, and the development of her symptoms wasn’t any different. She worked hard, but kept her promise to stay safe and with August in the field, she was usually in good spirits and just as feisty as ever, she was there for her two friends who demanded a lot of her attention at the moment for the wedding, and she was even making time for new ones.

Their visit to The Playpen had been a surprising success. While at the beginning, Emma had been so nervous to the point of shaking that Regina was about to make the decision to take her home, by the end, she had made a new friend. Regina had known Elsa for quite some time; another regular in The Scene who visited The Dungeon often because her girlfriend and Little, Anna, was overly social and always wanted to go out. It worked out well for them, Anna always managing to rule the roost in The Playpen, and even steal some hearts at the bar when she didn’t feel like being around other Littles. Elsa was happy to let Anna be her social butterfly self while calmly watching from the sidelines as she chatted with her Domme friends. It had been a nice surprise to see Emma and Anna take so well to one another. They hadn’t been back to The Playpen yet, but had plans for it the weekend of Memorial Day.

In the meantime, both Emma and Regina were healthily buried in work. Regina was going to be in court four times that week, and Emma had three huge bail runners that she was hunting. She and August had done a fair amount of sleuthing in the past couple of weeks, and they were closing in on a couple of big hitters.

So while Regina was worried about her mother, she didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on it. At the moment, she was prosecuting a particularly gruesome domestic violence case, and she had spent all of Monday night doing last minute cramming after putting Emma down early.

And the morning turned out as ugly as she thought it would be. The defense fought her tooth and nail, the defendant had almost ended up in contempt, the impact statement of her client was absolutely devastating, and by the time they all recessed for lunch, the judge had called her and the defense into his chambers to postpone the rest of the trial until next week. Regina fought against it. She hated dragging something this terrible out for her client. They were typically very eager to get it over with no matter how hard it was. But despite all of her arguments, the judge was adamant; the defense needed to prepare their client better before continuing.

Nothing pissed Regina off more than having her job drawn out because of another person’s inability to prepare. She’d been looking forward to only being in court once next week, and now she’d have to set a few things back on her schedule. She was fuming as she crossed the street and headed to her office, where she’d have to pump, and now had the afternoon to do paperwork she’d been planning for the next morning.

She did all of this as she took out a snack and set her paperwork in order, finally relaxing in her chair to rid herself of her milk as she always did in the afternoons. There had been a few times when Emma had come to the office and surprised her, the two of them enjoying a small meal and Emma nursing behind the closed door. Regina thought of that and smiled as she pumped.

As she finished, she fished in her purse for her cell phone. It had been off all morning as it always was for court, but she wanted to text Emma and just give her a little hello.

Instead, her heart froze as she glanced at the lock screen and saw five missed call notices and a text from August.

**Hey, where are you? I’ve got your psycho kid here. She thinks I kidnapped her.**

Regina felt like a bucket of ice had just been dumped on her head, trickling down and freezing her body in place. It took her a couple of tries to unlock her phone because her hands were shaking so bad. The text was from a half an hour ago. She tried not to think about the millions of things that could have happened in between then and now as she hastily found August’s number and dialed. As she did, she grabbed her purse and hurried out the door, not wanting to waste any time getting to wherever they were.

August picked up on the first ring. “Fucking finally!” he said, and Regina could hear a very unhappy Emma in the background, demanding to go home. “Hey, you guys didn’t tell me she was going to be an _insane_ toddler!”

“August,” Regina breathed out, hearing the shaking in her voice. “What do you mean? Is she okay?”

“Oh, she’s fine. I mean, physically. But she thinks I’m going to like, kill her or something.”

“I’m coming,” Regina huffed out, her heels clicking feverishly on the pavement as she rushed to her car. “Where are you guys?”

“We’re at the park by the sheriff station,” he said. “Hey, Emma no!”

Regina thought her heart was going to jump out of her throat. “What? What happened!?”

But August seemed much calmer than she felt. “Nothing. She tried to throw a rock at a pigeon. She doesn’t like holding my hand, but every time I let her go, she runs for it and does something stupid.”

Fighting her annoyance down at his words, she tried to take a calming breath. “Put her on the phone.”

There was some shuffling around and Regina heard them bickering with one another, which she would have noticed wasn’t too far off from when Emma was in her adult frame of mind if she weren’t so upset. Eventually, she heard a little voice come on. “Hullo?”

“Emma, baby, Mama’s coming.”

“When?” She could hear the desperation breaking Emma’s voice at the end of the question.

“I’ll be there very soon. August is a nice man. He’ll watch over you until I get there. Do whatever he says, okay? He’s in charge.”

“Nah’ in charge,” Emma claimed stubbornly. Although she tried to color her voice with defiance, Regina could hear the fear there. However this had come up, she imagined if she were a little girl and all of a sudden was in the presence of a strange man, she’d be shaken up too. She felt a tick of amusement, despite her anxiety, at Emma’s defiance. A non-regressed Little Emma was much more amicable than this feisty little toddler, she was beginning to realize.

“He is right now, baby. Listen to me. Everything’s going to be okay. I’ll be there very soon. In the meantime, listen to August. Can you give him the phone?”

More shuffling. When August came back on, she could tell he was out of breath. “I’m starting to get why her folks abandoned her.”

“August!” Regina spat. “Please tell me you’re being nice to her. She doesn’t understand anything that’s going on right now.”

“Well, that makes two of us. Relax, Regina.” His voice shifted to his usual jovial self at her words, and he cut the banter immediately. “She’s perfectly fine. A little freaked out that she’s with a stranger, but otherwise she’s alright. Zelena is on her way too. When you didn’t answer, I had to call her. She’s like a minute away.”

Regina instantly relaxed at the news as she started her car and headed out. If she was lucky, she could make it to the park in twenty-five minutes. They would all feel like torture, but less so now that she knew somebody Emma recognized would be there.

“I tried to take her to your house, but she kicked and screamed when I tried to get her in the car. People around thought I was a psycho rapist.”

An involuntary laugh came out of Regina then. “Aren’t you?”

“Shut up. Emma, stop that!”

Regina could hear muffled yelling coming from her little one, and she rolled her eyes. “If you keep yelling at her, you’re just going to make it harder on yourself. She’ll respond to fire with fire.”

“Great, so how is that different from the Emma I know?” August sighed. “Look, I gotta go. Keeping track of her with one hand is like playing video games with my feet.”

The entire drive to the park, Regina wasn’t sure if she had taken a single breath. It felt like it took forever. She barely had her car in park before she tore it into park and jumped out. The park was seaside, a minimal amount of foot traffic in the middle of a weekday, ships tugging along with their cargo in the distance. There was a long walking trail that went around the canal, and Regina followed it as she checked her phone, tracking Emma’s location with her tracking app that Emma called her “Stalking App”.

She found August, Emma, and Zelena sitting at a park bench. The relief that rushed through her as she saw Emma happily eating a popsicle nearly floored her. August was playing on his phone as Zelena fussed with Emma’s sleeves, trying to save them from the popsicle juice that trickled down from her hands.

When Regina got closer, Emma looked up, and her whole face brightened. She jumped up from the bench and came barreling towards Regina at full speed, screaming “Mama!” as she did.

Regina expertly put her hand out to grab hold of the popsicle in Emma’s hand and managed to grab onto her and pull Emma into a hug with the other. Popsicle forgotten, Emma dove in and buried her sticky face into the crook of Regina’s neck, who sighed in relief at finally seeing for herself that Emma was alright. She turned and kissed the top of Emma’s head. “Baby, everything’s okay.” She wasn’t sure if she was just saying it for Emma’s benefit, or her own as well.

Emma pulled away and gave Regina bright eyes as she held up her popsicle. “Iss strahburry.”

“Did August get you ice cream?” she asked, petting Emma’s hair.

Emma made a face then, and shook her head. “Auntie ZeeZee gibbed it to me.”

Regina took her free hand and walked them to the bench, where a harassed looking August sat brooding with a more than entertained Zelena.

“Nice kid you got there,” August mumbled.

“She’s a perfect angel,” Zelena argued, giving him an accusing stare. “You’re just terrible with children.”

August made a face, and then looked Emma’s way, finally grinning. “We had fun didn’t we kid?”

Emma barely noticed she was being talked to. She was busy slurping her strawberry popsicle that was fast melting in the sun.

“Thank you, August,” Regina sighed. “I’m sorry if it was a lot to handle.”

That made August’s brows raise, and he looked genuinely surprised that Regina seemed apologetic. “Hey, she’s alright. Hopefully she remembers me next time, and it’ll go a little smoother. I think she was just freaked out to suddenly be in a strange place with a strange man.”

“What happened?” Regina asked, letting go of Emma’s hand to allow her to go play by a nearby tree. She never took her eyes off of Emma as she watched her absentmindedly balance on one foot while she sucked on her popsicle.

August let out a breath. “We were driving around, and I had a stop to make at the station. She stayed in the car. I think she dozed off. Anyway, next thing I know, I came out and Emma wasn’t in the car. She was standing on the sidewalk looking around like she was glued to the pavement.”

“Jesus Christ,” Regina sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Lucky she didn’t take off on you,” Zelena said darkly. “That wouldn’t have been good.”

“Couple more minutes, and she might have,” August said. “I doubt she’d been standing there very long. She looked terrified. I could tell just by looking at her something was up.”

Zelena gave Regina severe look. “You need to go get her, and have a serious talk with her while she’s regressed. You need to teach her some sort of protocol if she’s to find herself in a strange place with nobody around.”

Regina nodded. “I know. Okay, I’m going to get her home.”

But Zelena shook her head. “Let’s take her to my office. Archie’s there. He might be able to spare a few minutes. Either way, I’d like to spend some clinical time with her.”

It took a moment to fight down her unwillingness for this, because such a huge part of her wanted Emma home and safe, but she also knew that what Zelena was saying was right. So she nodded and collected Emma, who refused to step on any cracks in the pavement as they went to the car, happily humming to herself, off in her own little world.

“Finish your popsicle,” Regina ordered kindly, watching as Emma reluctantly took the last bite that was barely dangling on the stick. With sticky strawberry syrup all over her face, Emma finally got in the passenger’s seat, where Regina buckled her in and then went to her side to fetch the packet of wipes out of her purse.

Emma squealed and turned away as Regina brought the wipe to her face, but she managed to grab hold of Emma’s chin gently and get rid of the remnants of the popsicle.

She held Emma’s hand all the way into the office, where Zelena walked them straight to the back without having to sit Emma in the waiting room where several onlookers were anticipating their own appointments.

Zelena’s office wasn’t quite as set up as Archie’s was yet, but she at least had all of her furniture and books put away. It was in order enough to set a patient’s mind at ease, and Regina suspected that the closet in the corner was jam packed with all of the other things Zelena had yet to put away.

Emma seemed completed uninterested in where they were, but her face brightened when Zelena looked at her and said: “You see that big desk there? That’s Auntie’s desk. You can go sit there, and be the boss today, how about that?”

Emma took one look at the enormous desk and the cushy chair, and inherently knew that she had hit the “big girl” jackpot. She skipped over and plopped down in the chair, making it spin around once. She giggled as she put her hands up like she was on a rollercoaster. “Mama, look!”

Regina smiled as she put her purse down, and nodded. “I see. Good job, baby.”

Zelena opened a drawer and took out a notepad and a few colored pencils, putting them down in front of Emma. “As the boss, you have to write a report.”

Emma’s face turned deadly serious, and she scrunched her brows together and set her jaw, nodding once importantly at Zelena.

“Tell me about your day, alright? Go ahead, draw Mama another beautiful picture.”

As Emma went to work, Zelena approached and leaned into her sister, whispering, “Go talk to her. Put some safety measures in place, will you?”

Regina didn’t need to be told twice. As she reached Emma at the desk, she leaned down and rifled through her Little One’s pockets until she found her phone, which had been forgotten by a regressed Emma. As she watched Emma scribbling her story into picture mode on the page, she unlocked the phone and turned the password setting off. She’d explain to a bigger Emma later why. She felt that trying to get this little girl to remember a number code was just one more barrier that she didn’t need to worry about if she ever found herself alone and needing to get into it.

Crouching down, she brought Emma’s attention away from her drawing. “Emma, can you look at Mama for a minute?”

Emma glanced up, colored pencil gripped firmly in a fist. Regina held up Emma’s cell phone.

“You see this phone?” She turned it on and put it on the desk in front of Emma, who immediately started pushing random buttons on it. “Today, you woke up all by yourself, didn’t you?”

The pressing on the buttons became few and far between, and Regina saw Emma’s brows knit together and her face set as she was reminded of her afternoon. She nodded solemnly.

“Emma, listen to me. This is very important. If you ever, ever wake up by yourself in a strange place again, look in your pocket. This phone will be there. And all you have to do is press the number one, and then this green button. Go ahead, try it.”

Emma did as she was told, and a moment later, Regina’s cell phone began to ring in her own pocket. She pulled it out and answered.

Emma looked slightly bewildered as the sound went off, and she watched Regina carefully as she put the phone to her ear. Emma reached out and took it, putting it to her own ear, and asked: “Hullo?”

Giggling, Regina picked up Emma’s phone and put it to her ear. “Hello, sweetheart.”

A big smile broke on Emma’s face, and she started giggling herself.

Regina took the phone and traded with Emma. Dropping the calls, she ordered kindly. “Go ahead. You try.”

Emma had to be shown one more time which buttons to press, but Regina had her practice a few more times. Emma started laughing and tried to hang up and redial faster than Regina could hang up. She allowed the game a few more times, until Emma was in tears with giggles. Even Zelena was laughing until she announced: “I’m going to try and catch Archie before his next patient. Be right back.”

When Zelena exited the room, Regina finally looked at Emma much more seriously. “Emma, can you promise me you will call like I showed you if you’re ever lost?”

Emma’s face fell again, and she pressed her lips together, looking back down at her half-finished drawing. “I can do it,” she insisted, picking up a green pencil and starting on a line next to what looked like a yellow-orange circle.

“I know you can do it, sweetheart. You can do anything you set your mind to. But I need you to tell me for sure that you _will_ do it. If you ever get lost, if you ever don’t know where you are. You’ll stay right where you are, and you’ll call Mama. Do you promise?”

“Yup,” she answered solemnly. “Promise.”

Smiling, Regina leaned forward and kissed the top of Emma’ head. “That’s my girl.”

The door to Zelena’s office opened, and in walked Archie in his signature tweed jacket, round spectacles, and kind smile. He glanced Regina’s way and gave her a knowing look. “Hello, Regina. Rough day?”

Sighing, she gave a nod. “At least August was with her.”

“So I heard. Hello, Emma.”

Emma looked up, and Regina watched her closely to see if there was any recognition on her face. But she looked at Archie with a new worried stare, the wheels in her head churning to try and figure this new person out. And it was clear that she had him pinned as some sort of professional right away with his suit and clipboard. Even toddler Emma had been in offices with adults that had made decisions she didn’t understand, and she wasn’t sure if that was something she trusted or not. Regina saw her lean to the side slightly, positioning herself closer to her mama. “Hi,” she said quietly, suspicion coloring her voice. Her body language had stiffened, the pencil in her hand forgotten.

“Whatcha drawing there?” Archie asked kindly, ignoring the obvious signs of Emma’s aloof behavior.

Emma swallowed and looked down at her picture. Regina could see her weighing her options, deciding if it was wise to tell this stranger anything about herself. “Iss fer Mama.”

“Is that so?” his brows raised up, but his smile didn’t falter at all. “She’s pretty lucky to have an artist like you drawing her pictures.”

Emma said nothing as she looked down at her picture, and Regina was about to correct her rudeness, when Archie held up a hand signaling not to say anything. Biting her tongue, Regina watched as Archie pulled up a chair to sit on the other side of the desk, and put his clipboard down, folding his hands in front of himself and saying, “My name’s Archie, Emma. I’m a friend of your auntie and mommy.”

Emma looked up then, her eyes squinted slightly in suspicion. “Auntie works here.”

“She does,” Archie nodded. “This is her office. And mine is right down the hall. I see your auntie every day. How old are you Emma?”

Emma managed to put up her left hand, and for a second there, she had to study her fingers and make sure she was getting this answer right. She finally held up an amount, accompanying it with the answer, “free.”

“That’s a pretty good age. Do you know what you did for your birthday?”

Emma stared at him for a moment, and Regina recognized the expression immediately. She was at a loss of how to answer. Emma had already told her; she’d never had a birthday celebration.

“So, Emma, do you want to talk about what happened today?”

Emma’s head lowered further into the page, and she shook her head slowly. Regina reached down and ran a hand through yellow hair. She leaned down, and whispered in Emma’s ear. “Come on, sweetheart. Archie just want to get to know you a little bit.”

Emma look up at her, those worried brows coming together. “Am I in troubles?”

Regina couldn’t help a little laugh, and she shook her head. “No, Emma. You’re not in trouble. I mean it. Archie just wants to be your friend. Then we can go home and have dinner, hm?”

“What’s your favorite food?” Archie asked after the prompt Regina gave him. “I like pizza.”

When Emma turned to look at him, it was with a much friendlier expression as he finally said something she can relate to. “Yeah, amd lotsa cheese,” she exclaimed, smiling at him.

“That’s the best,” Archie agreed. He chatted with her more, prompting different questions, and Emma answering as best she knew how. She eventually showed him her picture, pointing out the popsicle Zelena had given her and the car August had. She finally agreed that she liked August alright because he let her run around the water (which Regina wasn’t happy to hear), and that she thought grownup talks were boring.

Zelena eventually came in, and announced that Archie’s next patient was waiting for him. He smiled at Emma in response. “Well, I had a lot of fun with you, Emma. Can we maybe talk again sometime?”

Emma chewed the inside of her lip, and then nodded. The look on her face decisive; she didn’t totally hate Archie.

When Regina finally got them to the apartment, Emma was jumping around with her picture gripped in her hand tightly. She ran head-first into the refrigerator and pushed it up against the door. “Mama, stick it!” she squealed excitedly.

Smiling, Regina took the picture gently out of Emma’s hand and stuck it to the door with a magnet. She pointed to a red oval with a brown stripe and asked, “is this your popsicle?”

“Yeah!” Emma exclaimed, and then pointed to a blue scribble. “Amd this isstha waters.”

On the bottom of the drawing was a yellow figure. Regina gestured to it. “Is this you?”

“Uh huh,” Emma followed Regina’s finger with her own.

“Why are you under the water, love?”

Emma didn’t answer at first. Pressing her lips together, she shrugged as her demeanor changed from jovial to pensive.

“Emma…what’s my promise to you. Do you remember?” Regina asked slowly, watching Emma’s features carefully for any sign of recognition.

Nodding her head in response, Emma said: “yer gunna amswer tha phone.”

Regina smiled, and nodded. “I am. You’re right. But there’s another promise. A promise I’ve told you over and over. Do you know what it is?”

Still not looking away from the picture, Emma shook her head. “Nuh uh.”

“Think, sweetheart. Try to remember. What’s my promise to you?”

Emma’s cheeks were back between her teeth. She worried them as she creased her brow in thought. Eventually, she hung her head, as if in shame, and answered quietly. “I dunno Mama. M’ sorry.”

Regina shook her head and ran a hand through Emma’s hair. Leaning forward and kissing the yellow locks, she whispered, “Don’t be sorry, baby. It’s okay. We’ll keep trying.” Emma leaned into the touch and stuck her thumb in her mouth, sighing around it as she let her mama hug her.

She set Emma up with her drawing supplies and a movie, making sure she kept an eye on her as she called Ruby.

“Hey, lady,” Ruby answered.

“What are you doing right now?”

“Getting ready for my shift at the diner. Why, what’s up?”

“Any chance you can swing by here before you go in?”

Ruby was quiet for a second, probably checking the time, Regina thought, and then answered. “Yeah, for a second I guess. Why?”

Sighing, Regina whispered into the phone. “I’ve got a three-year-old here watching Disney movies.”

“Shit…really?” Ruby’s voice changed drastically, and Regina could hear her shuffling around quickly.

“I was hoping you could come meet her. She regressed while in the field with August today and…well, it didn’t go so well. She didn’t know who he was, and it really scared her. I’d like you to come and ‘meet’ her, just in case it happens when she’s with you, she’ll know you.”

“Right,” Regina could hear a door close on the other end, and was happy that her sister and Ruby lived so close. If it had been any other way, it might not have been possible. “I’ll be right there.”

“Thanks Rubes,” Regina ended the call, and saw that Emma had forgotten her drawings, and was plastered to the television. Her thumb was back in her mouth and the fingers of her other hand were tracing the lines of some of the animal characters playing on screen. When they the animals would move, she’d tear her hand away and throw her arm in the air, giggling to herself around her thumb.

Regina couldn’t help but smile, and she watched Emma for a moment until it occurred to her that Emma hadn’t had anything to eat except a popsicle since breakfast. She took some of her homemade applesauce out of the fridge, thinking this would be the easiest to get her to eat, and brought it over to the television. Emma looked up and smiled from her seat on the floor, and when Regina scooped some of the applesauce onto a spoon, she happily took her thumb out of her mouth and took a bite. Crouching down and smiling back, Regina put another spoonful in Emma’s mouth, catching some wayward sauce on the corner of Emma’s mouth and popping it back in. “Hi sweetie,” she cooed. “This will tide you over until dinner, okay?”

Emma nodded, and glued her eyes back to the screen. Some chase was happening between cartoon animals, and she swayed back and forth in anticipation as Regina gave her another spoonful. “Mama’s going to have another friend come over. Just to say hi.”

Emma tore her eyes away from the television then, and gave a dramatic sigh. “Anuver one?”

“Just for a minute. I’d like you to meet her. You know how you only had August with you today? Well, that was Mama’s fault that she didn’t tell you about him sooner. But this friend, you need to know too. Just in case you get lost and she’s the only one around.”

Emma looked at her wearily for a moment, and Regina had to bite back the ache in her throat at how awful it felt to tell a toddler that she was going to keep having incidences where she was lost and with strangers. It didn’t feel right to her. If they were in any other circumstance on the planet, she would never feel right about it, especially with a child that didn’t have any stability to begin with. But what choice did she have? Adult Emma needed to go about her life, and Little Emma deserved to not wake up in an unknown place with strange people that would scare her.

“Her name is Ruby. And she’s so nice, I think the two of you would really get along.”

Regina paused as she saw a little flicker in Emma’s eyes. She blinked, swallowing the last mouthful that had been fed to her. “Wruby?” she repeated slowly, pursing her lips and looking deep in thought.

Spoon and bowl in her hand forgotten, Regina eyed Emma carefully. Did she see recognition there? She felt a little stupid in that moment; it hadn’t occurred to her to try and jog Emma’s memory with anything so solid in her life as her two best friends she’d had since childhood.

“Yes. Do you remember Ruby?” she asked carefully.

Emma was quiet for a moment, her lips still tucked in between her teeth, her brow set in concentration.

“Or Mary Margaret?”

Emma blinked a few times, seeming to study her mama as much as she was being studied. Regina put the bowl down on the coffee table and hastily went to the mantle to pick up a framed picture of Emma, Ruby, and Mary Margaret. She brought it back to Emma, and handed it to her.

Emma took it with two clumsy hands, holding it in her lap and staring down at it. “That’s Ruby,” Regina pointed to the smiling face of the brunette, and then to their raven-haired friend in the middle, “and this is Mary Margaret. Do you recognize them, sweetheart?”

Emma stayed quiet, fingers tracing the lines of their faces in the picture, something that Regina noticed she was very prone to do. She looked lost in thought as she found her own face in the picture, a smiling profile of herself with her hair nearly white in the sunshine, looking at her two friends, all laughing. And then she raised a hand to a lock of her hair falling down over her shoulders, and looked at it, as if it held answers to the questions Regina was asking her.

A knock on the door broke the intensity of the moment, making Regina jump. She sighed in relief as she realized what it was, and grazed Emma’s cheek with her knuckles before standing up to go to the door. Ruby looked flustered as Regina opened it, and raised her eyebrows as she came in. “She in here?” she asked, hastily walking into the living room, Regina close behind her.

She stopped dead as she saw Emma still sitting on the ground, picture forgotten in her lap, the look on her face about as bewildered as it could get. She was looking around the living room as if she had no idea how she’d gotten there, and then her eyes landed on her friend and partner in the entry of the room.

“Rubes?” she asked, her voice a little shaky, her expression incredulous. The lack of Little inflection in the word made Regina’s heart stop.

Ruby matched the look, and her eyes darted Regina’s way before going back to Emma. “Uh…hey Em.”

Emma finally landed her glower to Regina, and she knew that look well. Emma was confused, worried, maybe even upset. Her mouth hung open as if she couldn’t find the words to say what she was feeling, and Regina could completely empathize with the sentiment. Because she knew who she was looking at right then, and it wasn’t her Little One, or a three-year-old version of her partner in an involuntary regression.

“R’gina. What…what the hell am I doing here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone,  
> I've got good news, and bad news. Let's do the "bad news" first.
> 
> As you may or may not have noticed, I have finally put a number to the amount of chapters this story will have...and it's coming up. I am so incredibly proud of what I've done here, I LOVE writing it, I'm so thankful for all of you who have taken the time to leave kudos or comment, and it has been an insane ride! These characters have really come into their own, and I really didn't expect for them to come alive like they did...but they've invaded my heart. I love them. So why am I wrapping things up? The first reason: as much as I've loved it, I'm burnt out. I started writing this in September, and really haven't stopped since. I've pretty much worked hours every week to get a chapter out as consistently as possible. I wanted to, I liked being dependable to all of you, I'm blown away by the response and the community it has built, so no complaints there. But I need a break. I'm going to take the summer to refresh my brain, pick up some hobbies I haven't touched since September because I put them on pause for this project, and just breathe for a while.
> 
> Before you panic...notice I said break. That's right: A Little Something New will be accompanied by a sequel! Let's call it season two. I've been waiting for an idea to pop in my brain, and it finally did. I was worried it wouldn't come to me and I'd have to call it quits, but there it is! However, it will be a serious endeavor, and I DEFINITELY need a summer vacation before I plunge into it.
> 
> That being said: let's take the summer to throw out some ideas! I have a main story line that I'm going to follow, but I want to hear from you all! Give me some requests that you wished had been in this story, and might want for the next. If it fits with the narrative, it just may make the cut! This story has always, and will always be for you. I don't care to make money off of it, don't care if it ever goes anywhere but this little page, none of that. It's just a gift to the MD/lg community, so why not let you have a voice? 
> 
> I'll give you some more news soon, as in when exactly I'll begin the next adventure, announce the new title, all that good stuff. In the meantime, let's enjoy the rest of ALSN. 
> 
> As always, your support and involvement are invaluable, and there is simply no other reason to continue writing this if it weren't for all of you giving me encouragement, being so amazing, letting me hear your thoughts and opinions. One reason I want the break is to continue to create a well-rounded story that you all have grown to love, and if I'm burnt out, I just can't produce the writing you all deserve. So thank you, thank you, and the story will go on!


	36. Heartbeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this might be the longest chapter yet, so...enjoy!

“It’s okay, Em…” Ruby started, but Emma launched up from her seat on the floor, her eyes darting around the room wildly. She felt like she’d just been spun around on a roller-coaster and planted on her feet directly after an upside down loop. She felt herself sway, but caught her balance just in time.

“No! This isn’t okay…what am I doing here? Where’s August?”

The last thing she remembered, August had slammed the door of his car, and knelt down to the open window to smirk at her. “Keep the windows open. Don’t need you overheating, and people thinking I’m a terrible owner.”

She’d sneered at him, picked up her empty Starbuck’s cup, and threw it at his face. “Fuck off already! The sooner you go talk to your boyfriend, the sooner we can leave.” She had relaxed into the file they were working on in her lap, the new Spring sun starting to make her tired. Her eyes kept drooping…

Now here she was, in her living room, Ruby and Regina looking stunned into silence as she panted in confusion. “Oh shit…fuck…” she chanted in between her labored breaths. She felt a familiar coldness in her chest, stinging with anxiety.

“Hey,” she heard Ruby, felt her coming forward, felt one of her hands being taken into her friend’s. “It’s okay.”

But Emma shook her head emphatically. “I don’t like this,” she heard a ripping in the middle of her declaration, a breaking down of her voice, tearing in her fear. “Ruby, I don’t like this…” And she was in pieces. She felt her whole body quake with overwhelming fear, confusion, frustration. How can she just disappear like that? How can she be somewhere one minute and another place in a blink of an eye? Her current experiences split in two by a crack in consciousness, her day morphing as if being erased on a piece of paper and drawn on a new one. As arms went around her, she saw that at her feet were pages and pages, rolling colors sprawled around them, nonsensical shapes drawn on white.

“Hush…” Ruby’s voice against her temple, barely calming its turmoil and ache with its vibrations. “Hush now.”

She couldn’t grab back. Just held her own head in between her hands, practically clawing at her hair, wanting to rip them out at the roots, any type of pain to distract her from the gut-wrenching fear and the buildup in her chest. The top of one of her feet felt raw, and she realized she was rubbing it hard with the bottom of her other foot, digging into the skin roughly, a nervous…no…agonizing tick.

A new hand was on the small of her back, and she recognized the shape and pressure of it instantly. It slid to the side and gripped her hip, assuring her she wasn’t going to fall. Regina. Mama. A new sound ripped through her throat as she felt herself now held from both front and behind, cushioning her in. The voice she knew better than anyone’s at the crown of her head. “Just breathe, baby.”

“I…can’t,” she wheezed, hearing the hopelessness in her own voice, denying her own strength, denying any part about her that could possibly be trusted.

“You absolutely can.” The words were like silk, whispered out in gentle encouragements. “I’m right here. _We_ are right here.”

She felt a mutual shift in the two sets of arms holding her, choreographing moving her own rigid body that she couldn’t, and soon she was against Regina’s chest. As soon as she felt it, where she couldn’t bring herself to loosen her grip on her hair, she let go to wrap a vice grip around her partner’s neck. She felt her legs give out, just slightly, giving into the weakness she felt in her head. Behind her, Ruby rubbed her back as Regina’s hands cradled her hips and her head, holding Emma to her. That familiar turn of Regina’s head, followed by gentle lips brushing the shell of Emma’s ear: “Come on, my love,” she whispered. “One steady breath. Just that. Don’t think about anything else. Give me one big breath,” a little kiss to her temple, and it encouraged Emma to try.

It was slow-comings, frustrating and painful. Who would have thought something you did every day all day without even thinking about it could be so hard? Her lungs burned as she heaved, trying desperately to fill them. It would happen in quick bursts, but never enough air flooding through to satisfy the burn. She worked slowly, painstakingly, until little by little, they smoothed out, and the burning faded.

“That’s my girl,” a happy upturn in the otherwise worried voice followed by an encouraging kiss to her temple told Emma she was making progress. The hands holding her squeezed ever-so-slightly, Ruby’s massaging speeding up as she proceeded to capture more air and let it out. “That’s my good girl,” Regina praised. It forced a tick of a smile on the corner of Emma’s mouth, and she finally took in a long, heavy gulp of air. She turned her face into Regina’s neck and let the breath out slowly, whimpering against the skin there. Her legs gave out again as she suddenly became exhausted. She felt like she could barely keep her eyes open, the muscles in her limbs went slack.

Before she was about to go completely limp, she felt herself heaved into strong arms. Regina grunted against her with the effort, and brought her the short way to the couch, lowering Emma down until she lay against the cushions, Regina sitting next to her.

Emma concentrated on breathing again, feeling herself practically melt into the cushions. Regina looked down on her and ran her hands through Emma’s hair. She never took her eyes away from Emma’s gaze as she said quietly, “Ruby, would you go into the bedroom? There’s a little blankie on the right side of the bed with a stuffed puppy attached. Could you bring it here?”

Emma’s eyes closed as she heard her friend leave the room, focusing on the feeling of Regina’s fingers softly raking through her scalp. “You’ll be happy to know you gave August a run for his money,” she announced, making Emma open her eyes.

“I did?” Shit, had she actually regressed in front of August? Was there anything more mortifying than having him see that side of her? The only thing that didn’t kill her about it was the idea that he’d been about as freaked out as she felt right now.

A light chuckle answered her. “You cried and screamed at him. He had to take you to the park by the station until Zelena and I came. I guess…” she paused here, and Emma saw a new glint of darkness in Regina’s eyes. “I guess you were really scared.”

She didn’t know why, but that thought amused Emma just a bit. “Poor kid,” she answered, and it seemed that the effort of those two words really took a lot out of her. She was so tired all of a sudden. Her body felt as if she had been up for days and days. “I’d be scared too if I was suddenly in his charge.”

But her words didn’t humor Regina like they did herself. She saw Regina’s brows furrow, and her lips pressed together, her wheels clearly turning rapidly in her head. “Emma, it _was_ you.”

Emma opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She kept forgetting. She kept not tying the two of them together. Why? Because she didn’t like this kid, she reasoned. Well, not in the same way she would dislike say a jerk boss, but in a way that she couldn’t trust a thing the kid did. She couldn’t fuse the two of them together in her mind like Regina seemed to so easily do. She couldn’t. It was too…they were too separate.

“Found it,” Ruby entered the room. “It was hidden between a bunch of pillows. Here Em,” she smiled, giving Emma a little understanding nod.

She was thankful when Regina took it out of Ruby’s hands. She didn’t have the strength to reach up. Pankie was pressed against her chest, and it took all her effort to hold it against the ache there from trying to breathe. She saw Regina smile down at her and continue to pet her hair, and Emma buried her face into Pankie and closed her eyes. Despite the calm feeling that oozed over her at having the familiar fabric nuzzled against her, Emma felt a tiny panic pelt her in the chest. “I don’t wanna go to sleep…” she heard herself whining. When she slept, bad things happened. She couldn’t take it. Not again.

But Regina’s voice overpowered her weak protests, shushing her softly, her fingers never leaving Emma’s hair. “I’m going to be right here.”

“Me too,” Ruby’s voice made Emma’s eyes open just barely for one moment before they closed again. “Fuck work. I’m calling in.”

Emma felt that tick on the corner of her mouth again, amused despite everything. And then she didn’t know anything more.

***

Emma slept all afternoon, and was still groggy when Regina woke her up to eat dinner, staying awake just long enough to be hand fed roast beef and a bit of mashed potatoes. She wasn’t quite Little, but wasn’t quite adult as she allowed Regina to lead her through the motions of eating and getting ready for bed. Ruby had stayed with Regina throughout the day, and the two of them discussed the next steps. Ruby thought it was a good idea to get everyone together and discuss it as a group, coming up with a game plan should Emma ever regress with any of them. Regina agreed, but knew that Emma wasn’t going to be keen on the idea of looking everyone in the eye as they all discussed it. She was really struggling with this one.

Now Ruby insisted on cleaning the kitchen up after dinner so Regina could tend to Emma, who still had no energy left after the day. It had to be the excitement from the regression, Regina reasoned. Emma had been bouncing around, running, and dealing with the anxiety of being with a stranger all afternoon. It had to have taken a lot out of her.

But despite not giving into her Little side that night, Emma spent the rest of the week clinging to her Mama’s shirt, refusing to walk around the house without Pankie scrunched in her hand and her paci in her mouth, silent and big-eyed. And instead of the cranky Little One Regina had sparred with the week before, Emma was sweet and amicable, clearly wanting nothing more than to be nurtured and reassured. So Regina showered her with praise, doted on her every chance she got, allowed Emma to cling to her side as she busied herself around the house with various tasks. Once, she had seen Emma try to clean the kitchen, a difficult task as she wouldn’t let Pankie go, until she came up and took the sponge out of Emma’s hand to clean the counter herself. Emma slid down Regina’s body and plopped her bottom on the floor, sighing around her paci as she wrapped her arms around one of her mama’s legs.

Emma had several ways of dealing with anxiety, but this was becoming her most common: giving in to the care Regina offered to her completely, allowing herself to let go of everything the moment she came through the door. And Regina sensed that there was something else happening behind those eyes. More than Emma trying to work out exactly how she felt about the child who had barged into her life. The little girl who had clearly stolen a large piece of Regina’s heart, and Emma didn’t seem to grasp that the reason was because it was her own self in a different form. As if anyone could take her place in Regina’s heart. As if the very reason it was Emma herself in a different mindset wasn’t how she had wrapped Regina around her little fingers so quickly.

And Regina was dealing with her own anxiety about that. The awful idea that Emma could wake up as a toddler again, in a strange place, with another stranger, abandoned like always, possibly in danger. It made her sick. It made her sick to think what could have happened if August hadn’t come out of the building when he did. Emma had already gotten out of the car…what had she been planning to do next? She tried to force it out of her mind, reminding herself she had taught Emma to call her, and the next time Emma regressed, they’d go over it again. And again.

Or would that even be necessary? How had showing Emma a picture of her life-long best friends brought her back? Zelena and Archie had a theory: they said it was a trigger. Just like Emma got triggered to regress or have a flashback, she could be triggered to come back to herself. But what exactly that trigger had been was more difficult to pinpoint. Had it been showing her the faces of her friends, saying their names? Or had it been Emma seeing a picture of herself? She’d seemed to have studied herself intently in the image. Had it been Regina coaxing her? Would she have been triggered just by seeing the picture but no one narrating the setting for her?

“It’s a mystery. We know so little about the mind, Bun,” Zelena said to her later that week. “Frankly, if you sum up everything I know about the brain, I’m kind of a quack.”

Regina had laughed, because her sister was a lot of things, but a quack was not one of them. She was brilliant, and had soothed Regina herself multiple times when Emma’s attacks panicked her. She’d be lost without Zelena, as usual.

Whatever the case, Regina was at least enjoying a sweet little Emma that week. It calmed her own anxiety as she held Emma, nursed her, let her play at her feet, read her stories. On Thursday, as Emma ate one of the four pieces of her cut up grilled cheese, Regina smoothed her hair down and smiled. “Two carrots before the next piece, alright love?” she instructed as she pierced her salad onto her fork and brought it to her own mouth. Emma nodded, smacking her lips with the cheesy bread and picking up one of the baby carrots on her plate with a fist.

Regina watched as Emma did as she was told, not a single sound of complaint. She was such a good girl.

“What do you say,” Regina started after swallowing her bite and stabbing more food on her fork. “About seeing if Anna would like to play this weekend, hm?”

Emma’s eyes lit up, and she grinned from ear to ear as she nibbled on a baby carrot. “Really?” she asked brightly, her green eyes lighting up with excitement.

Nodding, Regina brushed Emma’s cheek with a knuckle. “I think you’ve earned a playdate.”

If it were possible, Emma’s smile widened, and she bounced a little in her seat. “Yes, please. Yes!”

Regina called Elsa, who was more than happy to have them come over on Saturday. “I just put in a new sandbox in the backyard, and she’s been dying to show it off. The two of you can come over for lunch.”

So Regina dressed Emma in sandals to be easily taken off in the sand, and a short skirt and small top for the warmer weather. Emma would barely hold still as she buzzed with anticipation, and she bounced on her bottom in the car until Regina chided her. She stuck her fingers in her mouth, and Regina was happy she’d thought to bring Emma’s diaper bag full of her pacis, a change of clothes, Pankie, and wipes.

Emma stared at her feet as Regina took her hand and guided her to the front door of Elsa and Anna’s house, a little cottage-style home not far from Emma’s old home she had shared with Ruby and Mary Margaret. The instant Regina knocked, the door flew open, and Anna burst out, grabbing Emma’s free hand and tugging her inside. “Emma! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s _go_!” she squealed as Emma’s eyes grew wide and allowed herself to be forced into the house.

Regina let go of Emma’s hand just in time to not be yanked in herself, but the girls were stopped dead in their tracks as Elsa came into the entryway and gave Anna a severe look. She said absolutely nothing as her eyebrows raised at her Little One, who immediately let go of Emma’s hand and turned around to meet Regina’s eyes. Regina bit back a smile as she realized there had clearly been a conversation about Anna’s behavior before their guests had arrived, and she was being reminded of it right now. “Hello, Miss Regina,” she drawled dutifully. She turned to Emma. “Hello, Emma. Thank you for coming. Would you likes to come see my sandbox?”

Gulping at being addressed, Emma nodded and let out a little “uh huh,” and then Anna was giggling again and took Emma’s hand much more gently to guide her towards the back.

Elsa rolled her eyes and brought Regina into a hug as she welcomed her in. “Come on, I’ve got some iced tea set up on the patio. We can watch so we make sure Anna doesn’t swallow Emma whole.”

***

Anna handed Emma a bright yellow plastic bucket and a bright green plastic shovel. “Fill this up, then we’ll makes a castle,” she said importantly. Emma looked to her side to see that Anna had another bucket filled with water. Anna must have had a plan to get the sand wet so it would stick together. They were sitting on their bottoms in the large sandbox, and Emma marveled at the amount of toys that Anna had collected in there, including three dolls covered in sand. Emma wasn’t a fan of dolls. They kind of creeped her out. But she did like the rubber animals that were strewn about. She picked up a zebra and inspected it.

“Do you have a sandbox?” Anna asked, and Emma looked up to see that Anna was watching her with wide eyes, waiting for an answer.

Emma swallowed, and shook her head. “Don’t have a backyard,” she said quietly. “We’re way up high. We gots big windows though. I can watch the boats.”

“Oh,” Anna said, shrugging. “You can come play in mine then. Anytime.”

Emma began filling up the bucket with sand like Anna had instructed, and when she was done, she was given some new plastic toys that looked like you could make shapes in the sand with them. She took one and started scrunching it into the sandbox, and then Mama approached.

She knelt down and started unbuckling Emma’s sandals. As she slipped them off Emma’s feet, she looked up and winked at Emma before standing back up and walking away without a word. Emma dug her feet into the sand, feeling them get cooler and cooler the deeper she went.

“You’ve got a nice mommy,” Anna said absentmindedly as she picked up the bucket of water and started pouring some into the buckets filled with sand.

Emma stuck her fingers in her mouth and watched, nodding. “Uh huh,” she said simply. She’d spent the last several days quietly, talking over business with August and then coming home to Mama’s arms. She’d been meek and pensive, gathering all her feels and trying to fit them into boxes in her head and heart. Now that she was having a play date, she was finding it more difficult to switch out of her docility than she had expected. She wasn’t necessarily shy around Anna. Anna didn’t seem to give off any indication that she was the judgmental sort, and she clearly enjoyed Emma’s company. Instead, she realized that she was happy to have Anna carry much of the energy. It was almost comforting to have her lead.

“My mommy’s nice too,” Anna said conversationally, shrugging. “But she’s real strict. Says I needs it though. Cuz I’m ‘kinda a pain’,” she put in quotations in the air. She giggled at that, giving Emma a look that said she was perfectly happy to have such a title.

Emma smiled around her fingers, and popped them out to ask, “Do you get in lotsa troubles?”

Anna’s eyes widened, and she nodded impressively. “Oh yeah. _Tons_ of troubles,” she bragged, her tone good-natured, and she grinned at Emma.

“Where’d you meet yer mama?” Emma found herself asking, putting her fingers back in her mouth and sucking, finding it soothing as she watched Anna mix the water in the sand.

“Here,” Anna said, stuffing a handful of wet sand in Emma’s free hand. Emma let it fall into her lap, and she giggled as she rubbed it on her bare legs and let the globs fall away to tiny pieces of glass, sticking to her skin and her skirt. “Make a pie.”

Emma finally took her fingers out of her mouth to set to the task as Anna started to talk. “I went to college, and Mommy was in one of my classes. I asked her for a pencil, and she gibbed it to me. Then she said she wanted to buy me lunch.” She shrugged. “Then I was hers.”

They played for a long time. Emma had made several pies, and their castle, though lopsided, turned out fairly impressive.  She listened to Anna tell stories, but soon Anna stood up and scraped her sandy fingers on her shorts. “I gotta go get Mommy. Be back.”

Emma watched curiously, as Anna approached the two mommies sitting at the patio furniture drinking iced tea and saw Miss Elsa nod at something Anna said and take her hand, leading Anna inside. When they left, Mama got up and approached Emma. When she crouched down, she chuckled and brought a hand up to wipe Emma’s face. She felt the roughness of sand against her cheek and chin. “How did you get so much sand on your face?” she asked through her giggles. Emma shrugged, but Mama asked: “Do you want your paci, sweetheart?”

“Where’d they go?” Emma asked, ignoring Mama’s question. She wasn’t exactly sure if she wanted her paci just then. Anna talked a lot, and asked Emma questions, and Emma wanted to answer.

Mama smiled at her, chucking Emma under her chin with her knuckles. “To go get changed. Are you getting hungry? Miss Elsa made sandwiches for you girls.”

Emma looked at Mama, a little stunned at the statement. It hadn’t occurred to her that Anna was wearing a diaper, as Emma only wore them at night and even then, only sometimes. She’d never worn them during the day, and certainly not when other people were over.

But she decided to just shrug at Mama’s question, looking back down at her pie. She picked the zebra back up and put it on top, scrunching its hooves down into the sand. Before Mama could say anything else, Anna came barreling out into the yard. “Emma! Mommy made peanut butter and jelly!” she squealed, jumping back down into the sandbox next to Emma in new clothes.

“Anna!” Emma heard Miss Elsa call. “I just told you not to get sandy again before we eat!”

Anna bit her lip and stifled a laugh, and Emma couldn’t help but do the same. Mama raised an eyebrow at her, and stood up. “Come on girls,” she coaxed Emma with an outstretched hand. “Your turn, Emma.”

“Don’t hafta be changed,” she mumbled, but let her hand be taken because she was completely covered in damp sand. It was even riding into her panties. Mama ignored her feeble protest and guided her into the house, plucking Emma’s baby bag up onto her shoulder as they went.

“Second door to the right down the hall,” Miss Elsa called to Mama. “Don’t worry about the sand. Anna’s got it all over the house anyway.”

Emma didn’t realize just how sandy she was until Mama got her into the bathroom and started removing her clothes. It fell off of her in heaps, ricocheting off of the tiled floor with tiny sounds. Her fingers were back in her mouth as Mama undressed her completely and went into her baby bag to get new panties. “I don’t know how you managed all this sand,” she mused, humor painting her voice as she pecked Emma sweetly on the cheek. When she pulled a new shirt over Emma’s head, she studied Emma’s face, brushing her cheek with light touches of her fingers. “Are you having fun, sweetheart?”

Emma hummed her response, nodding her head. Mama gave her one more look before fishing back in the bag and bringing out one of Emma’s paci’s and its clip, fastening it to the cuff of Emma’s new shirt. She took Emma’s fingers out of her mouth, and placed it in between Emma’s lips. Emma was going to protest, but the moment it was in her mouth, it felt too good to deny. It belonged there, it soothed her to have it, and she focused on it as her new skirt was shuffled up her legs and tightened on her hips.

When they went back outside to join their new friends at the table, Anna bounced in her seat, eyes bright. “Emma! We gets peebee n’ jay!” she shrieked, grabbing a slice of apple with her fist that had just been placed on her plate by her mommy.

Mama guided Emma to the chair next to Anna, and Emma looked down at her own plate, comparing it to Anna’s meal. Anna had a sandwich cut in half and four small apple slices. Miss Elsa and Mama had cups of assorted fruit and salads. Emma sat back in her seat and studied her sandwich. It looked awfully big. Miss Elsa didn’t make sandwiches like Mama did, and Emma realized that the only time she ate anything other than Mama’s food when she was Little was when Auntie ZeeZee got her ice cream.

“Don’t you like pee bee n’ jay?” Anna asked with a mouth stuffed full of her sandwich, nudging Emma, who began suckling forcefully on her paci, not sure how to respond.

Luckily, she didn’t have to. Mama chuckled and leaned over her plate with a knife. “She just doesn’t like them whole,” she explained kindly, cutting the crust off of Emma’s peanut butter and jelly and then cutting the sandwich into four triangles. In no time, it looked like something from home, and Emma relaxed even as Mama took her paci out of her mouth.

“Anna’s pretty picky too,” Elsa said as Emma picked up a triangle and brought it to her mouth. The jelly was strawberry, not her favorite raspberry, but it tasted good anyway. “Took me ages to get her to eat broccoli.”

“Blegh,” Anna stuck her tongue out, and leaned in conspiratorially to Emma. “I gots more chocolate for laters,” she whispered.

“I heard that,” Miss Elsa said as she made Anna sit up straight and guided another bite of the sandwich to her Little One’s mouth. “Just eat, sweetheart.”

Mama ate her salad as Emma nibbled her sandwich and snuck her hand into Mama’s fruit bowl to grab every last grape she could find. Mama pretended not to notice until the very last one was at Emma’s lips, and she brought a hand down secretively to Emma’s bottom and popped it lightly, kissing the top of her head as she did. “My little thief,” she chided sweetly in Emma’s hair.

Emma grinned as she finished the grape and then ate the last of her sandwich. As if Anna had been waiting for her to swallow her last bite, she launched out of her chair and grabbed Emma’s hand. When theirs met, the stickiness of their messy eating combined, but Anna paid no attention. “C’mon!” she demanded. “I got something to show you!”

Emma allowed herself to be led as she heard Miss Elsa yelling behind them for Anna to slow down and not be so rough. It fell on deaf ears as they ran down the hallway, passed the bathroom Mama had changed Emma in, and into a bedroom.

The moment the door opened, Emma’s jaw dropped, and she planted her feet into the carpet. The room was bright, adorned in yellow walls. At the window looking outside was a large rocking chair, big enough for two people. And Emma imagined that it regularly did fit two. The bed was not really a bed at all, but a low-to-the ground frame and twin mattress that was surrounded by wooden rails all along its sides, almost like an oversized crib. A large changing table was in the far corner. A giant trunk at the foot of the bed was open, revealing dozens of toys that were strewn about the floor. Underneath it was a playmat, and in the middle of it lay an enormous black and white cat, who raised its head sluggishly as the girls entered. He looked completely disinterested in their sudden appearance.

“This is Paw-Lee,” Anna announced, picking the cat up by his middle and holding him up. The cat named Paulie seemed annoyed with the interruption of his nap, but also too sleepy to really do anything about it. He hung like dead weight in her hands as if this was the most boring moment of his life.

But Emma barely paid any attention to him. She was mesmerized by the room around her. “Is all this…yours?” she asked, realizing that her mouth had been gaping open.

Anna looked around, and then back at Emma, confused. “’Course it is,” she said. “Don’t you have toys?”

“Well…yeah,” Emma said, slightly offended by the implication that Mama hadn’t spoiled Emma with toys. “But I don’t have a room like this,” she said, starting to walk around and look at everything. She went to the large crib and pulled on the frills around the edges of the blanket poking out from the wooden bars. “Do you…sleep in here?” she asked cautiously.

Anna was still looking at her confusedly, and she finally dropped the cat named Paulie, who gave her an annoyed glance, and then slumped back down, performing a rather impressive impersonation of a loaf of bread.

“’Course I do,” Anna answered. “Where else would I sleep?”

“You don’t sleep with your mama?” Emma looked back at her then, and realized she sounded almost alarmed.

Anna’s expression changed, realization dawning on her it seemed, and she finally smiled. “Well, yeah...sometimes. But not for naps. And not when I’m real Little.”

Emma raised her eyebrows then, impressed. “You don’t get scared?”

Anna raised her chin then, smiling proudly. “Nuh uh,” she said. “I’m never scared.”

Emma figured that was true. Anna didn’t seem like the type to be scared of anything. And Emma wasn’t scared at night either. Not really. It wasn’t about fear. Mama just…she didn’t like sleeping without her.

Anna seemed to realize that Emma had just been thrown into new territory, because her demeanor changed entirely. Her smile widened, and she approached Emma slowly. More slowly than Emma had ever seen Anna move, because Anna was always running and jumping into whatever she did. But this time, she just walked forward and took Emma’s hand. Emma looked into Anna’s eyes and saw something there she hadn’t seen before. They seemed clearer than they ever had, an awareness there that care-free Little Anna didn’t typically have. It was a strange, pleasant surprise. Emma had only ever seen Anna one way. This new glimpse into a different side of her personality, no matter how miniscule, was something Emma marveled at.

Emma felt Anna squeeze her hand gently, and she spoke in a tone that Emma had never heard. It surprised her. “Come on,” she nudged her head. “Come look.” She guided Emma gently to the bedside table, where a music box sat. A ballerina in the middle balanced infinitely on one leg, hands poised in the air. Anna let go of Emma’s hand to wind it up, and when she was done, it started to chime a familiar lullaby. She sank to her knees, and Emma followed. Then Anna she reached forward and grabbed hold of Emma’s paci that was still fastened to her shirt. She brought the nipple to Emma’s lips, and Emma closed her mouth around it. Anna gave another smile then, the familiar spark of the rambunctious Little reemerging.

The two of them sat on their knees and listened to the tune get slower and slower as Anna opened the top drawer of the table and took out her own pacifier. She jammed it into her mouth, and the two continued to listen in comfortable companionship.

“What’re you girls up to?” Miss Elsa’s voice came from behind them, and Emma whirled around to see both of their mamas in the doorway, smiling at them.

As Miss Elsa approached, Emma was surprised to see Anna stick her arms up in the air and make grabbing motions with her hands. Her eyes were droopy as they looked up at her mommy with what looked like pleading.

Miss Elsa chuckled, and leaned down to lift Anna to her feet and bring her into a hug. She swayed them back and forth as she whispered something in Anna’s ear. This was another side Emma hadn’t seen before. Anna was always lively and mischievous, and so far, Emma had only seen the two of them banter. This was very different; this was sweet and gentle, like Emma had with Mama.

Emma was overly curious of the exchange, as Anna had never been anything but energetic around Emma, but she saw Anna’s eyes blink slowly as her head rested on Miss Elsa’s shoulder, and Emma felt her own exhaustion hit her. Just as she was about to let out a little whine at wanting her own mama, she felt familiar hands under her arms, and her head was in Mama’s chest in no time. “Time to go, sweetheart. Can you say thank you to Anna and Miss Elsa?”

Emma answered with a sleepy “mmhm,” around her paci, but it was taken out of her mouth. “Thank you, Miss Elsa,” she said as Elsa smiled at her sweetly. “Anna…thank you,” she said, feeling that the simple words didn’t really emphasize the true gratitude she felt. Anna, she realized for the first time since meeting her, was truly one of her. Anna got it. Emma couldn’t even wrap her head around what _it_ was, but knew she didn’t really need to. The best things in life, they didn’t really have a good definition. They were the things that couldn’t be formed into words to make other people grasp it and hold it in their hand until they understood it. They weren’t catchable like that. Weren’t tangible. They just were. And sometimes, Emma was beginning to realize more than ever, as she tried to grapple with losing control of her regressions and flashbacks, those things that you couldn’t verbalize could make you downright lonely. But right then, in that moment, Emma didn’t feel lonely. She felt safe in Mama’s arms, the one person who understood the most, who she loved the most, holding her closely and caring for her. And she felt she had a friend, one that she didn’t have to give explanations to for them to bond.

“Miss Regina, Emma wants a room just like this one,” Anna blurted out, a bit of that feistiness still left in her before she completely passed out for what seemed like a well-earned nap.

“Oh yeah?” Mama loosened her hold to try to look Emma in the eye, petting her hair as she did so. Emma’s eyes widened at the declaration Anna had just made, because she had said no such thing, but it had clearly been apparent that she’d been impressed and in awe of the entire thing.

“Yeah, but maybe not to sleep in,” Anna added, and she beamed at Emma even though Emma dove her face into Mama’s chest to hide the burning in her cheeks.

***

“What’s this game night or dinner night or whatever?” August asked, not looking like he was really interested in the answer.

Emma scoffed. “It isn’t a game night. Regina is having us all sit down together and talk about…you know.”

August nodded as he pulled apart a piece of his bagel and dove it into his mouth. “She gunna give us some pointers on how to handle your crazy butt?”

Sneering, Emma mumbled something unintelligible underneath her breath. She and Regina were having all of their friends over for dinner that night, and she was nervous enough about it without having August give her crap. A part of it was a celebration for David and Mary Margaret, sort of a last informal get together before they got hitched. But they were also going to be discussing with everyone the protocol if Emma ever regressed with them around without Regina or Zelena. Regina had broached the topic timidly, using that tone Emma knew was for when she was nervous for Emma’s reaction. But Emma had known, deep down, that it was the right thing to do, so she made it easier on Regina, and agreed. That didn’t mean she wasn’t dreading it, though. Still, it was better than having to make appointments with everyone individually and repeat herself over and over again. But Regina had insisted: she was going to go heavy on the David and Mary Margaret celebration and light on the lecture about how to handle a toddler Emma.

“So,” August started, but paused to slurp his coffee loudly, making Emma fight the urge to smack the back of his head and make him spit it out. She hated it when he started a sentence and then put food or drink in his mouth. It was a common quirk of his she had noticed years ago, and annoyed her to the very end.

“Soooo…” she drawled at him, making it clear he was driving her nuts.

He brought the coffee cup away from his lips and gave her a satisfied smile. “So, I have a confession to make.”

 _Oh god_ , Emma thought. He was about to confess his undying love for Zelena, tell Emma that they were going to elope and start popping out miniature versions of himself, and she wasn’t sure if on top of everything else, she could handle the idea of more Augusts crawling around.

They were sitting at a table outside of the café just next door to the sheriff’s station. August had had yet another meeting with his friend Graham, and for the tiniest of seconds, Emma thought how amusing it would be if what August was about to say was that he was actually bisexual and he and Zelena were sleeping with Graham for some extra fun.

“You know Graham?”

 _I knew it_ , Emma couldn’t help but grin as she thought it. “Your new boyfriend?”

August narrowed his eyes at Emma, and smirked. “You’re just jealous,” he said.

Emma widened her eyes and nodded exaggeratedly. “You have no idea. I’m green with burning envy over here.”

“You love me,” he said nonchalantly, taking another sip of his coffee. “Been in love with me for years. It’s kind of pathetic, actually.” He sighed dramatically. “But, I keep you around. I consider it my charity, letting you follow me around.”

“Do you have an announcement or not?” Emma asked as she threw a large piece of her muffin that accompanied her coffee into her mouth. “My loins are burning with anticipation over here.”

At that, August nearly spat out his coffee in a laugh. “Your loins? God, you’re gross.”

Emma snorted. “Just make the announcement that you, Graham, and Zelena are having a threesome already, before I beat the shit out of you.”

“Oh, Graham and I are planning a threesome. But not with Zelena. With you.”

Emma nearly fell out of her chair in shock at the nastiness of his joke, and her gag reflex made her practically spit her muffin out. “Oh, _god!_ ” she choked, leaning over the table and coughing up bits of the muffin as she heard August laughing. “What is _wrong_ with you!?” she wheezed.

When she looked up, August was grinning from ear to ear, wiping a tear away from his eye from laughter. “Sometimes you set yourself up way too well to pass up. But seriously, Swan. Stop puking up your breakfast. I’m trying to make a proposal here, and you’re ruining this beautiful moment.”

“What proposal?” Emma scoffed as she wiped her mouth. She grimaced and took a sip of her coffee.

“Graham’s leaving the force. Hates the politics,” August explained. “He’s got some start-up money put away, and he wants to open up his own business. Private investigation. I’ve got some of my own money saved up and…” he tilted his head at her. “…he wants to make me partner.”

Emma stared at him, a little stunned. August was leaving bounty-hunting? What the…she felt like her whole world just exploded in dread. She’d been working with him so long, the idea that he’d suddenly be gone was like a knife in her gut.

“Us,” August corrected as he saw the look of panic on Emma’s face. “He wants to make us partners. The three of us.”

“Wait…what?” Emma felt her head buzz with confusion.

But August just shrugged. “Graham’s the guy with connections. I’m the muscle that can chase down a bad guy. And you,” he pointed at Emma, and gave her that good-natured grin he sometimes got when he was about to be nice to her. “are a whiz at finding people. You’re brilliant at computers and how to get any info about anybody. You know how to talk to people, how to get what you need from them. You’re like a bloodhound. I’m good,” he shrugged. “But I’m not that good.”

“You…” Emma stammered as her brain sort of flatlined. “You want me to quit bail-bonds?”

August gave her a deadpan look. “I want you to become a freelance detective. It’s more money, less financial risk. You’re not always living off collateral. And you’re helping people. And if you do it, you can focus on the things you’re really good at and not have to worry about the other crap you hate, like going to the jail all the time.”

As Emma sat quietly, mulling over his proposal, her mind went a thousand miles an hour weighing the pros and cons.

“Look, I won’t lie to you,” August said, giving a heavy sigh and leaning forward. “I want to do this. But…I need you. You’re really good at what you do. I’d drown without. And I think it’d be better for you. It’d be less stress: you’d have two partners having your back at all times, you wouldn’t have to do as much field work, you wouldn’t be trying to flatten giant assholes to get them back to jail. I think…I think it’ll help you.”

Her brain kept going as his words sunk in, thinking about the proposal. It sounded good. “Private detective” sounded badass, actually. But she knew that she couldn’t give August an answer just then. It was too big. She had to think it over. She had to talk to Regina. She needed time.

“You got some money stashed away?” he asked.

“Yeah…” Emma answered quietly. “Some.”

“You’ll think it over?”

She finally looked up at him, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “You’re really leaving bounty hunting?”

August sighed and sat back, and for the first time, he looked serious as a heart attack as he looked her over. “I’d keep working with you freelance if you stay,” he said. “Just you. I’d be able to manage that. So either way, I don’t want you to worry. Don’t base your decision on me.”

That assurance helped a little. The panic waned slightly, and she took a deep breath. “Yeah, okay,” she said as she rubbed her face with a weary hand. “Alright, just give me a few days.”

“Take all the time you need,” he said, his voice lightening as he took another giant bite of his bagel. “The three of us…we’d be hot together.”

“Fuck August,” Emma said through her hand as she rubbed harder. “You’re so gross.”

She heard him laughing as she shook her head.

***

“A toast!” Killian yelled as he held up a new cold bottle of beer. It was certainly not his first of the night, as could be heard by the slur in his voice. Everyone in the living room stopped their chatter to look at him. “To these two tying the knot!” he motioned to David and Mary Margaret. As everyone shouted their approval and drank from their own beverage, Mary Margaret blushed and dove her face into David’s chest. “You’ll treat her well, mate,” he said to David. The two had become close since Killian had been spending more time with Ruby. When the three friends were living together, David and Killian had bumped into each other down the hallway quite a bit, and a friendship had blossomed that everyone joked was probably the cutest bromance in Boston. At this rate, even if Killian stopped seeing Ruby, he and David would still have a pretty strong friendship.

Neither Ruby or Killian were interested in a monogamous relationship with one another, and while that typically phased out quickly between two people, it seemed to be working with them just fine. “For now,” Ruby shrugged when Emma mentioned it earlier that evening as everyone else was involved in their own conversations.

“You getting tired of it?” Mary Margaret whispered as the three friends talked.

Ruby shrugged again and took a sip of her beer. “Not really,” she said. “We’re having fun. We typically find a new sub every week or so, and it seems to work well. I don’t know. Killian and I are friends. We’ll probably stay friends after this phases out. I just can’t see myself with him for forever.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Emma said, thinking back to the conversation the three of them had had earlier that month about Ruby trying to figure out what the next phase of her life was going to be. The fact that she had mentioned it seemed to mean that she was looking to move on from her current situation, but what part of it, Emma wasn’t sure. Did she mean her job, Killian, The Scene, or all of it? Whatever it was, Ruby didn’t know herself, so there was no point in asking. “Long as you two are on the same page.”

Ruby didn’t say anything to that, and in fact, made a face that had Emma narrowing her eyes. She and Mary Margaret flashed each other a quick look before Ruby saw, and then Mary Margaret said quickly: “So…what are the two of you planning for my bachelorette party?”

Ruby’s face changed, and she laughed. “We’re not telling you that!”

“Seriously,” Emma scoffed. “That’d ruin the fun.”

“Oh come on!” Mary Margaret squeaked, bouncing up and down once on her feet, similar to what Emma did sometimes when Regina had just said something that excited her. “Just give me a hint.”

“No way!” Ruby insisted, and it was her and Emma’s turn to throw each other conspiratorial looks. There was a club close to The Dungeon that the two of them had picked because it was still part of The Scene, but much more narrowed down into a particular sect. And while The Dungeon was where anyone could do pretty much whatever they wanted, Eye Candy had three stages where hired people put on performances and onlookers sat, drank, and watched.

“Like a strip club?” Emma had asked when Ruby brought it up the night she’d stayed over to help Emma and Regina.

“Sort of,” Ruby had nodded.

“Yes,” Regina interjected, chuckling at Ruby skirting the reality of it. “It’s exactly like a strip club.”

“Well, not everyone takes off their clothes,” Ruby argued.

“Ruby,” Regina smirked. “They have private rooms for you to watch.”

Emma’s mouth had fallen open slightly as Ruby shrugged. “Yeah, but you don’t get lap dances or anything like that. It’s not that type of traditional ‘strip’ club,” she said in quotations. “You can get a private viewing of a Dom and sub Playing, but nobody actually gets…like…naked. It’s a performance.”

Emma looked at Regina then. “Have you been there?”

Regina choked a bit on her wine at the question as Ruby laughed. “Been there?! She’s _performed_ there! ‘And now, feast your eyes on our pride and joy. Ladies and gentlemen, your Queen’!” she said in an announcer voice. “God, you were so hot!” she teased.

“ _Anyway,_ ” Regina had said far too loudly, giving Ruby a severe eye as Emma gaped at her. “Why are you taking Mary Margaret to Eye Candy? She’s not even into BDSM.”

“Au contraire,” Ruby said. “She’s completely obsessed with it. Mind you, she’s far too timid to do it herself, and David is like a puppy, but she loves watching that stuff.”

“You performed there?” Emma was still gaping at Regina, and the tone in her voice betrayed how impressed she sounded.

“Performing is a kind word,” Regina had said. “I stood on stage in a leather dress and flogged subs.”

“You call that thing you wore for that one Christmas performance a _dress_?”

“Is there…like…video?” Emma found herself musing aloud.

Simultaneously, Ruby said: “it was more like a corset.”

“Can we please get back to Mary Margaret,” Regina had begged, and Emma saw that Regina was actually blushing. She so rarely did that the combination of seeing it and imagining Regina performing half-naked on stage almost brought her out of her fatigue.

She remembered the exchange now as Mary Margaret pleaded with them to spill their secrets, but their lips were sealed.

“What’re you three whispering about over here?” Zelena came up behind them, putting her arms around Emma and Ruby. She leaned over and gave Ruby a kiss on the cheek, making Ruby giggle and shake her head at her.

“You’re buzzed,” she laughed.

“And you’re adorable,” Zelena gave her a pouting smile and brought both hands to Ruby’s cheeks and pecked her on the lips. “You’d drink too if your sister had you slaving away in the kitchen all day.” Regina had set up the evening by making a dozen hors d'oeuvres so that everyone could simply snack and mingle as opposed to sitting down. It felt less formal that way, and Emma knew she’d done it so there wasn’t some big sit-down discussion about her regressions. The things that woman did for her… “Seriously, what are you all on about?” Zelena asked.

“They won’t tell me where they’re taking me for my bachelorette,” Mary Margaret pouted.

Zelena stuck her chin out and looked down at Mary Margaret importantly. “Of course they aren’t!” she said incredulously. “But you can bet your ass if my Ruby here is planning it, it’ll be amazing,” she said proudly.

Emma smiled to herself, because there were a lot of things she was thankful for, and one of them being that when the three of them had gone their own separate ways, Ruby had found a good friend in Zelena to move in with. They seemed to be working out well, and Regina mentioned that Zelena raved about Ruby on a regular basis.

“They should date,” Emma had said, earning a shake of the head from Regina.

“Not Zelena’s thing. She tried in college. Besides…could you imagine the two of them? There’d be a hurricane in Boston every night.”

“Can’t be worse than ZeeZee and August.” Emma had countered.

Their little group split up as Killian and David offered to refill Ruby and Mary Margaret’s drinks, and Emma found her way to Regina. She was talking to Killian about their mutual friend Katherine, and Regina sighed, looking guilty. “I really need to call her. Both of us just got really busy.”

Killian shrugged. “She’s found some beaux she’s all into. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Regina’s expression brightened as Emma came near, and she held her arm out to her, inviting Emma to lean into her chest. She pressed her lips against Emma’s temple, and whispered: “there’s my girl. Hi baby.”

Feeling a smile creep up, Emma blushed lightly before Regina released her. Emma took Regina’s champagne flute and offered to go fill it up. As she did, August’s voice cut in loudly.

“So, are we gunna talk about it now?”

“It?” Regina cocked an eyebrow at him, playing dumb, Emma knew, but it wasn’t going to do her any favors. August wasn’t known for subtleties or tact.

“Yeah, you know,” he said. “About Emma going insane.”

As Emma walked by him to reach the champagne bottles on the dining room table, she kicked him in the shin. Hard.

He howled and almost dropped his beer, raising his foot up in the air and flailing his free hand in one motion, trying to hit her back. He yelled something in Thai, clearly an insult.

“Oh for God’s sake,” Zelena scoffed loudly, grabbing August by the arm and gluing him to her side. “Just stand next to me and shut up.”

The room was much quieter now as they watched the spectacle, and after Emma topped off Regina’s flute and turned back to her, she saw that Regina wore an expression of annoyance that Emma had just assaulted him. She rolled her eyes and brought Regina her glass, who gave her a secret grin and then addressed the rest of the room. “Well, this night is about David and Mary Margaret, but Emma and I did want to mention it while everyone was together. We thought it’d be best if we were all on the same page.”

Emma felt large arms wrap around her waist from behind, and she giggled as David lifted her in the air and then set her back down, saying: “I’ve got your back, kid.” It made her feel better, and cleared the heaviness in the room just enough to let Emma breathe.

“That’s all we really need,” Regina said as she smiled at David. “Emma is usually with me or August, but just in case, we do have some safety measures set in place. She’s been shown how to call me, and to stay wherever she is if anything does happen. But if she is with any of you at the time, call me or Zelena if I don’t answer. We’ll handle it.”

“What do we do while we’re waiting for you to get there?” Mary Margaret chimed in. “She was pretty freaked out being with a stranger.”

Emma winced as she remembered Regina telling her how she had pretty much ran from August, and screamed bloody murder at him when he tried to get her in his car.

“Just introduce yourself,” Emma shrugged. “Tell me you’re going to call Regina. I think it’ll be fine. If August could manage, any of you could.”

August scoffed when everyone laughed, and Emma continued to busy herself at the dining room table sorting the food on the plates in different ways until the conversation broke back up. When she went back to Regina, she heard August mumbled at her: “Next time, I’ll just beat you into submission.”

Emma rolled her eyes at him, but could have sworn she heard a growl coming from Regina.

“What?” he said, clearly hearing it too. “A little spanking never killed anyone.”

This time, Regina nearly snarled, and Emma saw Zelena actually back away a little bit as she smacked August on his arm. “Shut up, you idiot,” she hissed.

“No, please August, be my guest,” Regina suddenly gave him a giant sarcastic smile, and the next words out of her mouth were sickly sweet. “And then, the next time I see you, I can chop the hand you raised to her right off your wrist.”

The banter that August had tried and failed to execute died on his lips, and he went a little pale at Regina’s warning. “Jeez, I get it,” he said weakly, putting his hands up in defeat.

“Well, fuck, that was romantic,” Zelena interjected, giving Regina a pointed smile. “Come on, everyone. Let’s drink some more and be happy for the newly-weds, eh?”

By the end of the night, Emma was a little more than buzzed, which didn’t go unnoticed by Regina. “You seem to have taken Zelena’s instructions to heart,” she chided playfully as Emma groaned.

“How come I’ve never seen you even get buzzed from drinking?” she complained, flopping herself on the bed as Regina started undressing herself.

“Because I know how to handle my alcohol. And I eat food,” she added with a smirk Emma’s way as she tore off the rest of her outfit. She walked over to her dresser to find her pajamas, and Emma gave a little whine in protest.

“No, don’t dress,” she said, lifting herself up to watch her girlfriend. “I like you like that.”

Regina chuckled and stopped what she was doing, turning around instead to come to Emma on the bed. Emma rolled over on her back and propped herself up on her elbows as Regina crawled on top of her. She was naked with the exception of a pair of purple laced panties that Emma loved, and the bracelet she’d gotten Regina for Christmas. Her breasts were dropping heavily, and Emma knew they were full. Full of milk laced with champagne and wine. She licked her lips as Regina leaned down and took Emma’s face in her hands gently. She whispered, “you do, hm?”

Emma nodded, swallowing though her mouth went dry. She could think of what would clear that right up.

“Like what, darling?” Regina teased, taking her hands away from Emma’s face and smoothing them over her own abdomen. Emma watched as Regina’s chest expanded and collapsed with her breathing.

She grinned. “Naked.”

Cocking her head to the side, Regina chuckled that raspy little laugh that made Emma hot all over. She could feel wetness leak into her panties, and bit her bottom lip. “I’m not completely naked, now am I?”

“You were really hot tonight,” Emma blurted out, and when Regina gave her a questioning smile, she added: “when you threatened to maim August,” she clarified. “That was hot.”

Regina’s lip curled up in a half amused, half angry sneer, and her eyes darkened ever-so-slightly. She leaned forward slowly and grabbed hold of Emma’s earlobe with her teeth, one of her hands beginning from in between Emma’s breasts and traveling down. “Nobody…” she murmured, moving her lips down to Emma’s jawline. “…touches you,” she nipped Emma’s bottom lip. “…but me.” Her hand finally reached Emma’s sex, and she cupped it roughly. The whine that came out of Emma was pathetically loud, and she closed her legs around the hand to hold it in place. As she did, she felt Regina rub her fingers, causing friction in between her jeans and her clit. It sent a soaring sensation through Emma’s tummy, and she whined.

“And what if I wanted you to right now?” she managed to whimper out, each syllable shaking as Regina’s fingers worked magic just by touching her jeans. She knew Regina could feel the heat there, but was surprised as a little growl came out of Regina’s mouth and she looked down at her hand in between Emma’s legs. When Emma looked too, she realized that she had actually soaked through her jeans. Fuck. She swallowed.

“Hmm…” Regina mused, and she bit her bottom lip. “Do you, Little One?”

Emma’s eyes widened at the tone she’d used. The Queen. She didn’t come out to Play often. But talking about spanking was a sure way to make her come to the surface. And Emma grinned to herself at the idea that she could really make this work to her advantage. She was pleasantly buzzed, lips numb and body tingling, mind fuzzy in that way that made every worry in the world seem like tomorrow’s problem. It made her bolder than she normally was. So she went for it.

“Last month, I washed the red sheets with the white sheets on hot and ruined them. I gave them to Zelena. I made her swear not to tell you.”

A dark eyebrow cocked, and Regina’s mouth opened just the slightest at the admission.

“Last week, I got up in the middle of the night and ate like two bowls of ice cream.”

At that, Regina smirked. “Let me guess: that was the morning you cried and refused to let me take your paci all through me making you get up and ready for work?”

Emma nodded, but before she could make another admission, she felt the hand in between her legs retreat, and she was flipped over on her belly so quick, she yelped. Her cheek hit the mattress, and before she could try and prop herself up, Regina was on top of her from behind, biting down on her shoulder blade. “Emma,” she said, her tone dangerously queenly, and in it was an eagerness that made Emma’s panties wetter than before. She felt a hand squeeze the back of one of her thighs. “If you want me to spank you until you are sobbing into the pillows, all you have to do is ask.”

When the hand that was clenching her thigh traveled up to one of her butt cheeks, Emma’s entire body trembled, and she ground her ass hard into Regina’s pelvis. The friction disappeared all too quickly as Regina moved away from her, and Emma was about to whine at the loss until she felt hands grab the hem of her jeans and panties and yank them down, hard.

Emma wiggled out of them as Regina drew them down her legs, and when Emma was about to turn around, her hips were grabbed roughly. “Don’t you move.” The command was threatening, but Emma tried to squirm to her knees anyway. She was going to try and make a run for it to the other side of the bed, where she could grab onto her favorite pillow for support. But this was a mistake. Her misbehavior was punished swiftly as she felt arms grab her around the middle and pull her until her belly was against Regina’s thigh. She was naked from the waist down, laying on her partner’s lap, who held her firmly in place. A resounding crack pierced the room as a sharp sting hit one of her ass cheeks. Emma let out a shriek that was mixed with pleasure and pain. She dipped her head down to meet Regina’s bare knee, and as she pressed her teeth into it, she gave a tiny whine, thrusting her hip once against Regina’s other leg. It felt good, but there wasn’t enough friction, so she spread her legs as best she could until she felt her clit nearly pressed against Regina’s thigh.

“You’re soaked,” a hushed murmur traveled to her ear. So much gentler, calmer as she felt a hand trail in between her legs from behind. Two fingers gathered Emma’s juices at the entrance of her core, and then they traveled up to Emma’s puckered hole. She gasped as she felt them rub circles there, and her knees bent involuntarily to spread herself even more. “You look stunning like this,” the kinder voice complimented, and Emma knew what she meant. The more vulnerable Emma looked, the more it drove Regina wild. The strange sensation of where Regina’s fingers were was completely new, and Emma had to admit to herself, sensual. It sent an uneasiness in her tummy that was accompanied by a delighted anticipation. That thrill again that was terrifying, but not altogether unpleasant. Not unpleasant at all. Jesus…who knew?

But Regina was taking way too long for Emma’s liking to actually dole out a punishment. Emma’s clit and lips were so swollen, they ached, and it emboldened her to flip over and grab Regina’s shoulders, forcing her flat on her back against the mattress. Regina gasped in surprise, and as she tried to sit back up, Emma pulled down the purple laced underwear, and dove her face in between Regina’s legs.

The moment her tongue hit Regina’s soaked slit, Regina’s hips arched into Emma’s mouth, and she collapsed back against the mattress, letting out a loud moan and covering her face with her hands. “Oh fuck…” she sighed as her knees bent up. “You _really_ want me to punish you…”

Emma pulled away just slightly, a bit of Regina’s juices sticking to her lips as she did so. “Until I can’t remember my name,” she husked before she closed her mouth around Regina’s swollen button. She could actually feel it enlarge against her tongue as she sucked it in between her teeth. And Regina allowed it, a commanding hand finding its way to Emma’s scalp and pushing her face further against Regina’s pelvis. Emma relished it, bringing a hand up to easily slide a single finger into Regina’s waiting walls. And when she did, those walls closed around it, pulsed, the heat there exquisite and exciting Emma’s own again as she continued to ache in between her legs.

She sucked in Regina’s swollen nub, earning a sigh that almost sounded like her name. She accompanied the gesture with another finger joining the one already deep in her lover. The stretched walls at her opening clamped down, and her hips started pumping, forcing a pace. She wasn’t going to let Emma dictate that. And as Emma realized it, she made another decision and forced Emma to climb up her body. As Emma’s face travelled to meet Regina’s, her fingers almost lost their rhythm. But Regina expertly brought her hand down on top of Emma’s, and kept the movement going. As she stared Emma down, the dark color in her irises devoured to black by her pupils, she grabbed hold of Emma’s other wrist and forced them as close as possible. Emma grunted as her face hit Regina’s chest, and then she felt it guided to one of Regina’s swollen breasts.

She instantly latched on, and as she took the first feverish suck, she plunged her fingers in as deep as they’d go, making sure she rubbed the spongy top of Regina’s entrance with enough force to make Regina melt.

And she did. Her entire body curled into Emma, a sound ripping from her throat like a desperate plea. Her milk filled Emma’s mouth, the taste indeed embodying an edge to it that wasn’t always there. And Emma was drunk off it. Whenever she had Regina’s milk in her mouth, it was like she was taking in her whole spirit, Regina feeding her love as much as she was milk. It was intoxicating. It made Emma mewl around the nipple she was attached to as she tried to continue fucking Regina despite her walls clamping down on Emma’s digits. She was about to come.

The realization made Emma bite down, just a little, on the dark areola, and the reaction was immediate. Regina froze under her, breath caught in mid moan as she peeked. Emma curled her fingers against that spot, and suckled harshly to beckon as much milk as she could, and these two actions at once had the desired effect. Regina began thrashing, her throat opened to release a continuous cry of release. As she rode out her orgasm, her legs clamped against Emma like a vice, imprisoning her in just about the best prison Emma could imagine being locked in. Regina’s climax released on Emma’s palm, provoking a shared cry between the two of them.

And then she was laughing. A devilish, mischievous laugh as Emma unlatched. “Oh, Emma,” she rasped. “You’re in so much trouble…”

Before she could reply, Emma felt her fingers ripped away from their silky home, and she was back on her stomach, a hand holding onto her hip from behind. She realized then that the only reason Regina hadn’t thrown Emma off the moment she’d started to make love to her was because she had been plotting, collecting Emma’s sins so she could count them off one by one as she smacked her palm against Emma’s backside.

The first one came quickly, sharply, a nerve wracking sting that made Emma whine against the comforter as she bunched it up in her hands. “R’gina…” she pleaded, her core throbbing so badly that she began rubbing it against the mattress. It wasn’t enough. She began inching one of her hands down in between her body and the covers, set on rubbing against the ache, but it was caught in a fist before it reached its destination.

Emma quaked as she let out a pitiful sob, sniffling into the mattress as she felt herself lifted back into her previous position: on her stomach in Regina’s lap. But to her immense relief, she felt a pillow scooted just under her pelvis, giving her legs something to clamp around. And she did. Forcefully, bucking her hips against it as she felt a soothing hand trail up and down her spine.

“You disobeyed me, Emma.” The voice was so kind, and the hand so loving, that if she had said anything else, Emma would have been convinced she was being praised.

“Yeah,” she sighed in agreeance.

“And you just couldn’t wait?” the question was asked as the hand trailed back down in between Emma’s legs. The fluids that Emma was releasing was soaking the pillow against her, but Regina had no problem collecting enough of it to trail back up Emma’s slit. She tried to clamp around the fingers there just as she did around the pillow, but the hand was removed swiftly, and it cracked back down on Emma’s bottom.

“Ah!” she moaned, hearing her own pitiful voice bouncing off the walls. To stifle it, she dove her fingers into her mouth. “Mm…” she released around them involuntarily, because the moment they were in between her teeth, she felt soothed to a level that surprised her. They felt so good there, tasted like Regina. She suckled them savagely as she bent her knees, giving Regina better access to her burning cheeks and giving herself more control to press against the pillow to rub her clit against it. She’d never been in this position before, but she’ll be damned if she wasn’t going to beg Regina to do it every night of her fucking life. She knew Regina must be dripping with how vulnerable she looked, and she couldn’t help letting the idea take over her whole body, humping against the pillow desperately, mewling around her fingers, her other hand clutching Mama’s knee.

As a palm cracked against her already stinging cheek, her eyes rolled into the back of her head, a guttural sound emanating from her throat. The pillow beneath her was so soft. Too soft to really be able to rub her clit in any satisfying way, but comforting enough to keep her steady. She knew she was thrusting against it in pitifully jerky motions, and she couldn’t bring herself to feel ashamed of it. She was too desperate.

“My bad girl,” a somehow soft yet warning growl. “You can’t help yourself, can you?” The question was turned up to give Emma just a hint of ease, but it was short-lived as she was spanked harshly twice in quick succession.

Emma’s fingers flew out of her mouth and she released a sob. But she knew her partner so well that before Regina could pause to check on her, she cried out, “Green! Don’t stop! Green!” and shoved her fingers back in her mouth, sucking them raw.

“I’ve told you so many times,” The Queen returned, and Emma heard shuffling around as the hand was sadly brought away from Emma’s bottom. “How many times have I said, no more fingers?”

Emma actually prepared to let out a tantrum-like wail as her hand was forced away from her soothing lips, but it died there as she felt the soft nipple of her favorite paci between them. The feeling of it made her sob around it, but the relief it caused was nothing like the new burning that took over all sensation on her bottom. Regina spanked both cheeks one right after the other, hard, in sync with the rhythm Emma was desperately jerking into the pillow. The buildup in her groin was shocking, but once she realized it was happening, she urgently chased it. She was going to come. She was going to…

Her hands clutched around Regina’s leg as if it was a lifeline. Her jaw slacked, her paci falling just out of reach and landing on the mattress. She felt it brush against her shivering bottom lip at the same moment that her body froze. And as all of her muscles clenched in a delicious peak, one more crack against her bottom forced her orgasm to rush out of her. The sound that came out of her mouth was a pitiful whimper as she bucked against the pillow, allowing all of her muscles to go limp as she finally collapsed, spent.

Her eyes were closed, and they stayed that way as feeling came back to her limbs. The sweet chill that had electrified her skin began to numb. Her muscles were jelly, useless with satisfaction.

“Emma…”

A calling. Soft, sweet, as if trying to wake her from a dream.

Mama.

She barely peeked her eyes open to answer, and to understand why she felt as though she was swaying. When she realized that her chin was resting on Mama’s shoulder, and her limp body was sitting in Mama’s lap, being rocked slowly, she released a lazy coo, and closed them again. Strong arms held her to the one she loved, allowing her to droop slowly into sleep.

“Emma…come on, Little One.”

Emma gave a tiny grunt, the sound making it clear that she was perfectly happy where she was and didn’t have any intention of moving, thank you very much. The response it received was what she expected; a chuckle as she felt herself lowered.

“Come on,” Mama’s voice encouraged, and Emma found out why as she felt a familiar sensation on her bottom lip. She instinctively latched on, a heavy sigh escaping both of them as the first of Mama’s milk reached her tongue.

Emma felt them lean back, and soon she was on her side against the mattress, right where she ended up every night before they went to sleep. Right where she belonged. She’d nurse until she couldn’t keep consciousness anymore, a hand running through her hair, Regina’s sweet breaths on her brow. She opened her eyes to look at Regina, whose own were red and heavy with sleep. She looked about as satisfied as Emma felt.

When Emma released her nipple, she made eye contact with her. They softened completely as they smile at Emma. “Are you alright, my love?” she drawled sleepily. She looked beautiful, glowing from her orgasm.

Emma grinned back at her. “More than alright.”

“Yeah?” she asked, her fingers lightly scratching the nape of Emma’s neck, and Emma saw a twinge of anxiety color her eyes. “I didn’t hurt you?”

Emma couldn’t help but giggle. “You never hurt me.”

The anxiety left, and she leaned forward to plant a kiss on Emma’s forehead. “You,” she whispered as she coaxed Emma back towards the milk still waiting for her, “are that beating in my heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	37. Dance

The sun was barely coming in through the window, telling Emma they had another hour before it was time to get up. Regina’s silhouette was sharpening the more light that came through, and Emma traced the lines of her body with feather touches.

Regina didn’t stir. Shee faced Emma in her sleep, mouth partially open as her even breathing left in quiet puffs and hit the pillow she rested on. Dark curls were wildly sticking out, framing her face, gold flecking them as the light continued to grow through their window and hit the strands. Sometimes, Emma was breathless with how beautiful Regina was.

Emma began rubbing Regina’s calf lightly with the heel of her foot, and had to stifle a giggle as the motion made Regina reach out and capture Emma in her arms, cradling Emma closer to her chest. Even in her sleep, Regina moved to keep Emma close. Emma had woken up restless, an unusual thing for her, as Regina was usually the one to wake her to get ready for their day. But now that she was being pressed into the inviting body of her lover, she didn’t feel so restless. She sighed against the skin there and kissed Regina’s collar bone with the slightest brush of her lips.

Emma could smell, just underneath the warm musky scent of their combined sleep, fresh milk waiting to be released, and she nuzzled deeper into Regina’s neck. An involuntary coo escaped her lips, and she muffled it quickly. She wanted Regina to sleep as long as she could. She’d earned it.

But the arm that was draped over her came alive and began to slide down, and a palm gently caressed Emma’s bottom, a thin sheet the only thing between the two sets of skin. Emma felt surprise that the usually calming gesture made her skin sting, and she wiggled at the sensation. Almost the instant she felt it, the memory of where it came from hit her, and it immediately transformed the feeling to nostalgic thoughts of the night before. She felt herself looking forward to the slightly stinging reminder as she went about her day.

Her wiggling, however, made Regina sit up, and Emma whimpered as the chest she had been resting on disappeared. She felt a hand gently guide her onto her stomach, and then felt the thin sheet that had been draping over her peeled off. The combined feeling of the coolness of the air and a little touch of a finger on her bottom made Emma shiver. She sighed sadly as she heard Regina hum and then climb out of bed.

Emma rubbed her face into her pillow before calling out, “R’gina…come back to bed. It’s fine.” She craned her neck to look behind her, and nearly laughed when the marks on her bottom were barely visible, about as harmful as having a hickey on her neck. Behind her, Regina came into focus as she walked back towards Emma from the bathroom.

She gave Emma a meaningful brow, and smiled. “You know the rules, Em,” she chided softly as she sat back next to her partner.

Emma dove her face back into her pillow with a grunt. Regina was very clear on her rules about spanking. Emma got to be spanked as hard and as often as she wanted (within reason, Regina insisted), but Mama got to flood her with all the aftercare she herself wanted. And Regina, as Emma knew, loved this part; loved pampering her, loved soothing her, loved doting on her. And Emma couldn’t deny she loved it too. Even on days when she didn’t feel particularly Little, having Regina close and caring for her just felt good and satisfying.

She felt a cold, wet sensation on one of her cheeks, and gasped at the sensation. However, the breath manifested into a pleasurable moan as the feeling converted to a cooling spread over her skin with a gentle hand. Menthol transformed the heat of her skin, and she rose her hips to meet Regina’s palm as the topical ointment was rubbed into her bottom.

A kiss was placed on the back of her head, and held there as Regina continued to massage the cream in. She only pulled her lips slightly away to whisper shushing noises in response to Emma’s whimpers of pleasure. It only made Emma feel better as she moved her hips against the mattress. More cream was applied as Regina clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth continuously, a soft noise she sometimes used to calm Emma down and cuddle her.

She applied the cream to both of Emma’s cheeks, who buried her face in the pillow and crooned at the coolness on her skin. When Regina finished, she finally lifted herself up and grabbed hold of those arms before Regina could retreat. A light laugh escaped her girlfriend, and Emma continue to climb forward until she was sitting in Regina’s lap.

Arms wrapped around her tightly, and Regina sighed deeply into her hair. “Does that feel good, baby?”

Emma nudged her nose into the crook of Regina’s neck, and hummed her response. What could feel better than being in Regina’s arms, a cooling sensation on her bottom reminding her of not only their fun the night before, but of her partner’s aftercare? “I love you,” she whispered against Regina’s neck, just below her ear, and kissed the pulse point there. It quickened.

Before Regina could respond, Emma lowered herself, and latched onto an erect nipple. The milk burst onto her tongue; Regina was producing more milk lately, which typically happened in between her periods. Those were the times she could barely keep herself off of Emma, and Emma never complained. However, she noticed as she beckoned the milk, that Regina’s nipple was tender and dry. She brought her thumb up to the other yet-to-be-molested nipple, and brushed it softly. She made a note that after she was done nursing, she’d be performing her own aftercare on Regina. She needed to apply her own cream for the chafing.

Emma finally tore her eyes away from her worry to look up, seeing Regina was watching her, studying her features as she nursed, a tiny smile curved on the edge of her mouth. Her breathing had quickened just slightly, which Emma had gotten used to when she nursed. It was one of those little quirks she’d grown to expect from the one that held her. Her hand shifted from the other breast up to Regina’s lips, and she brushed them tenderly with her thumb.

The smile widened, and Regina opened her mouth to capture Emma’s thumb in between lips; a mixture of a kiss and a light nibble, making Emma’s own cheek turn up in a smile around the breast she was attached to.

“And I love you, Little One,” Regina whispered as she let the thumb go gently. Her hand came down to Emma’s hip, and she caressed just next to the wonderful stinging Emma felt there. When she felt it, Emma released the nipple in her mouth, swallowing down the thick milk.

“Can we do that again, like, soon?” she asked through her grin.

The darkening of Regina’s irises gave Emma her answer, and Regina fought an eyeroll as she smiled down at Emma. “Maybe in a few days.” Emma jutted her bottom lip out in a pout. She knew it was a good thing that Regina was more careful about her wellbeing than she herself was, but it didn’t keep her from burning with desires when she really wanted something. Regina was going to wait before she spanked Emma again. However, her pout earned her a laugh. She felt the rumbling in Regina’s chest, who guided her head back down. “Finish your milk, my love.”

Emma obliged, latching back on to the breast she had been attached to, and releasing more of its nutrients into her mouth.

They spent the day around the house, Regina insisting on wiping down and reapplying the menthol cream to Emma’s bottom every few hours. Emma savored the care, lying on her stomach as the wet wipe was applied to her skin and sighing into the mattress as the hand that she knew by heart rubbed gently into her skin. She wasn’t sure what she liked better: being spanked, or the attention that came after it.

As they idled around watching Netflix, Emma mentioned August’s proposition to have Emma be a partner in his private investigation business.

“When is he planning this?” Regina asked.

Emma shrugged. “Dunno. I imagine soon. He’s been meeting with Graham a lot, and he said he’s already got the money he needs packed away. Asked if I had any.”

“How much will it cost you?”

Emma shrugged again, noticing the twitch in Regina’s eyebrow at the repeated gesture. “Dunno.”

A smirk came across Regina’s face. “You didn’t think to ask either of those questions?”

Swallowing, Emma felt her cheeks heat up, and shook her head. Boy, she was already shaping up to be a great business partner, she thought. When Regina didn’t say anything, she prompted, “Ssoooo…”

Regina’s brows came all the way up then, smiling. “So?”

“Should I do it?”

At that, Regina laughed. “Emma…do you _want_ to do it?”

Emma bit her bottom lip. That wasn’t a question that had occurred to her to ask. She wasn’t used to making decisions based on want, but on necessity. Her jobs, her living situations, her education, all had depended on what was available to her and what she had the resources for. None of them were based off of her interest. She’d fallen into the business of bail bonds on a fluke. A talent one of her high school teachers had noticed she had with computers and record finding, and that had landed her an internship in a bail bonds office that the cousin of that teacher owned. It was all very random and something she just went with the flow with.

Come to think of it, the only large life change she had based on desire, was moving in with Regina.

The realization made her start, and she blinked at her partner as she considered her question.

To Emma’s nonresponse, Regina rubbed her hand along Emma’s thigh, and then leaned forward to pull Emma into her lap. She kissed Emma’s temple as she clicked “yes” on the screen to continue to the next episode of what they were binging. “Do what you want, Emma,” she whispered as the episode started. “You know I’ll support you.”

Emma’s mind was suddenly a storm of ideas and decisions, and she nuzzled closer into the one holding her as her eyes watched the screen.

***

Regina cursed under her breath as the key stuck yet again in her office door at the same time her phone began to chime. She was trying to close up for the night, but she was in such a hurry that she simply couldn’t get all of her items in order, and her door handle had been jamming for the past two weeks. Hastily throwing her purse over her shoulder as she finally unstuck her key, she rummaged through her purse to grab her phone. Emma’s name popped up on the screen, and as she answered, she exhaled Emma’s name in a huff.

“Hi?” she heard Emma chuckle on the other end in answer. “You…okay?”

Regina felt the annoyance melt off of her shoulders, and she took a deep breath. “Yes. Sorry. It’s my stupid door again.”

“That’s it, I’m coming to fix it for you tomorrow.”

As Regina walked to her car, her heels clicking on the pavement, she smiled. “No, I can do it. I’m just being lazy.”

“You’re being busy. I’ve got time this week. I’ll come by. And maybe after we can have lunch together?”

The insinuation of Emma coming to her office for lunch made a smile creep up on Regina’s face. Emma coming over for lunch meant Emma coming over to have lunch and then to nurse, possibly more. Regina liked that idea very much. It made her resistance to Emma’s proposal vanish. “I like the sound of that.”

“Good,” the uptick in Emma’s voice was noticeable. “So what’s this about you not cooking me my dinner tonight?”

Rolling her eyes, Regina snorted into the phone. She’d received a text from Zelena: out of nowhere, their mother had informed her sister that she was in Boston, and needed to speak to them both. She’d requested for the two to meet her at a restaurant Regina had avoided outside of business transactions due to the prices on the menu. Despite her reluctance to spend no less than seventy dollars on her meal, she’d been pleasantly surprised, and also a little worried at Cora’s sudden appearance. Whatever she wanted to meet about, Regina was hopeful to at least assess her mother’s mental health while she saw her, and perhaps that would ease her mind a little. She’d texted Emma that she’d be home late, and not to wait up.

“Mother is in town. She wants Zelena and I to meet her for dinner.”

“Ah,” Emma answered. “Do you know how she’s doing?”

“No, but hopefully well. I guess I’ll find out.”

“Okay,” Emma answered. “I’ll see if Ruby or Mary Margaret wants to go out. If not, I’ll find something at home.”

“No ice cream for dinner,” Regina warned. She heard Emma chuckle on the other end, and the tone she used in her answer didn’t make Regina trust her one bit.

“No problem.”

“I mean it, Emma,” she said sternly.

“Uh huh…loveyousayhitoyourmombye!”

The call ended abruptly, and Regina made an annoyed noise as she brought the phone away from her ear and began texting.

**Eat ice cream for dinner and I’ll throw all sweets away. You won’t have any for a week.**

She pressed send and got in her car. As she turned the engine on, her phone chimed. She looked down at the screen before pulling out.

**Emma: ;-b**

***

She and Zelena were made to wait for nearly twenty minutes before Cora showed up, which was pretty typical of her mother, Regina thought. They waited at the bar, and when she finally made an appearance, Regina was a little floored to see that Cora was wearing hardly any makeup, and her hair was brought up in a less-than-perfect pony-tail. She hadn’t, however, gone to the trouble of downgrading her wardrobe. She made it very well known by her clothes that she had the money and the class to buy everyone in the restaurant their dinners, drinks, and more. She heard Zelena scoff next to her as their mother approached. “You’d think she’d have showed up on time if she wasn’t going to paint her face on.”

Regina had noticed Zelena seemed much more agitated that evening than she usually was around Cora. It wasn’t the biggest mystery in the world; Zelena had been hurt by her mother’s lack of communication during the trial. While Regina was used to barely speaking to Cora, Zelena was not. She had always maintained a good relationship with her, had never kept Cora at arm’s length, even after their father died. She had always been the peacemaker. However, she didn’t seem to have as much capacity for it just then.

Cora’s smile was just as pinched as ever, never quite making it to her eyes as she came forward and kissed her daughters on their cheeks. “You both look beautiful,” she said.

“Thank you, Mother,” Regina smiled. “You actually look very well. I’ve been worried.”

“Oh,” Cora made a gesture as if she were tossing a piece of rubbish aside. “I’m alright.”

“We’ve both been worried,” Zelena interjected, her tone coming off harsh enough to make Regina wince. But Cora didn’t seem to notice as they were guided to a booth by a host.

As they ordered their drinks and an appetizer, both of which Regina wasn’t sure she was going to be very interested in, her mother began to talk. “How’s Emma?” she asked Regina. “And August,” she looked Zelena’s way.

“Emma’s doing alright, considering,” Regina said. She gave Cora an abbreviated version of their latest development, and as she figured, Cora didn’t exactly grasp the concept. But she did look upset that Emma was struggling. She did seem to think Emma was good for Regina, and that made her care about Emma too. It gave her a warm feeling in her chest at the thought.

“Well, she has you to look after her,” Cora commented, and Regina knew that her mother had no idea how true the statement was. When she looked to Zelena to have her question answered about August, Zelena shrugged.

“He’s fine. Same as always.”

Regina eyed her sister, but Zelena seemed to be making a point not to meet her gaze. Instead, she followed the movements of the server, who showed up with a tray of their drinks. She grabbed hers before he had a chance to put it on the table, and took a large sip of scotch.

“I want to thank you girls. And apologize,” Cora announced as the server took his leave. “I know this has been a hard time. Not just on me. On both of you too.”

Neither Regina or Zelena said anything, but she saw her sister take in a long breath, and recognized a very rare feature: she had her face pinched in resentment. It made her look more like Cora than she was probably willing to admit just then. Regina felt a bit of surprise, as Zelena had been the one to keep her calm and give their mother the benefit of the doubt throughout the weeks.

“It’s over now,” Regina said. “I’m just glad you aren’t going to spend any more time in prison.”

Cora gave a soft smile, and shook her head. “No, but the two of you had quite a dent put into your inheritance.”

“Bullocks,” Zelena muttered bitterly around her glass, and took another large gulp.

Regina almost laughed, but kept her composure as Cora gave her eldest daughter a dead-pan look. “Anyway, I know we don’t see a lot of each other, but that won’t be changing any time soon. I’m heading to New York. I’ll be getting on a plane. From there, I’m not sure. But it’ll be a while before I hit this continent again, I’m sure.”

The statement completely wiped Zelena’s pinched expression right off of her face, and Regina couldn’t bring herself to utter a single word in reply.

“You’re…what?” Zelena scoffed. “Where are you going?”

Cora just gave a small shrug and a sad smile. “I’m not sure exactly. Far away from here. You’ve seen much more of the world than I have, Zelena. I’ve barely been away from the east coast. It’s time for a change.”

“Mother…” Regina started, hearing worry in her voice. “…by yourself?”

Cora’s demeanor didn’t change as she transferred her look to Regina. “I’ve been on my own a long time now, Regina. I’ll be just fine.”

“Not taking that brooding sheriff with you, then?” Zelena asked, just a hint of bitterness left in her voice. If Cora picked up on it, she didn’t show it.

“No, Sidney isn’t going to come. I doubt I’ll ever speak to him again. It was never about him, anyway. It was always about me.”

There was silence for a moment as the sisters took in the information. Regina could practically feel the resentment, whatever it was from, melting off her sister.

“You girls, you’ll promise me to look after each other? I’ll keep in touch. But in the meantime, I’ll feel much better about going if I know the two of you are together.”

At that, Regina’s eyes met her sister’s and they shared a knowing look. Both smiled as Regina answered, “You know you don’t have to worry about that, Mother.”

***

Mary Margaret had the seating arrangements for her wedding on a diagram sprawled out on Emma’s dining room table. She looked thinner than usual, and if it was at all possible, more flustered too. Emma couldn’t say she blamed her. Her wedding was two weeks away, and after a year of planning, Emma herself was starting to see flower arrangements and dresses in her sleep.

Ruby came back into the room from the hallway, and sighed dramatically. “Emma! How can you stand that being your bathroom every day? I’d die of happiness.”

Snorting, Emma ignored the compliment. Ruby was right; the bathroom in Regina’s-her and Regina’s-apartment, was huge, adorned with both a large tub and a stand-in shower big enough to fit the both of them and then sum. It was bright and beautiful, porcelain counter tops and all the latest fixtures. It was nothing like what all three of them had shared in their rundown rental home.

“I think we’ve all upgraded,” Mary Margaret smiled. She and David had bought a perfectly adorable cottage on the far side of town: a place they were calling their “starter home”. Ruby and Zelena’s apartment wasn’t as fancy as Regina and Emma’s top floor penthouse overlooking the bay, but it was neat and beautiful and certainly better than an old home with outdated fixtures designed for college students who needed the save money.

“Where the hell is the food?” Ruby cursed. “I’m starving.”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang, and Emma jumped out of her seat to join Ruby at the entryway. While she handled the bill, Ruby grabbed the bags full of Chinese takeout and ran it into the kitchen. She followed her in a moment later, finding Ruby rummaging through the bags and sorting out all the food.

“You’ve got soda, right?” Ruby asked, and Emma went into the fridge to grab three cans of soda for all of them. She took them to the table, where Mary Margaret started cleaning up all of the paperwork to make room for the dinner. Ruby began bringing all of the food in, but when she went back to the kitchen, Emma heard her name being called.

She walked in to find Ruby looking at the refrigerator door. “Hey, what’s this?” she asked, pointing.

Emma’s heart sank a little bit. Ruby was looking at the picture that her regressed-self had drawn, the one that she’d been forbidden to touch lest she wanted to take cold showers for weeks. “Oh,” she shrugged. “She drew that…the other one.”

Before she could stop her, Ruby snatched the picture off the fridge and started walking into the dining room with it, sitting down but not paying attention to the food she was apparently starving for. Emma nervously followed her. “Be careful with that,” she said. “Don’t get grease on it. Regina will kill me.”

At that, Ruby looked up and gave Emma a queer smile.

“What is it?” Mary Margaret craned her neck to look over Ruby’s shoulder. She didn’t seem to react to the drawing until Ruby answered her.

“Emma drew this when she was regressed.”

Mary Margaret’s face broke into a smile, and she looked from Emma to the drawing. Emma felt her face burning, and she busied herself with filling her plate with food, suddenly not feeling very hungry.

“Do you know what it is?” Ruby asked. When Emma shook her head, Ruby gave her a playful laugh and nudge. “Come on, what is it?”

The spoon Emma had been using to serve herself fried rice clanged on her plate, and she sighed, exasperated. “A bunch of blobs? Who knows? Zelena asked for her to draw happy things. So she drew that.”

Emma could feel her friends’ eyes on her, but didn’t look up, occupying herself with making sure her now unappetizing plate was perfectly symmetrical.

“You mean she asked you,” Ruby pushed, and Mary Margaret was about to grab it, but Emma saw that her hands were greasy with the food, and yelped.

“Seriously, don’t! Regina will have my head! She treats that thing like it’s the holy grail.”

But Mary Margaret just shrugged. “She’s obviously proud of it.”

“What’s there to be proud of!?” Emma argued. “It’s a bunch of colors on a page.”

“Em,” Ruby’s voice had lowered to a chiding tone. “A toddler drew it. It’s not going to be a masterpiece or anything.”

“Whatever…” she mumbled under her breath, and heard the scoff coming from both of her friends.

“What’s got you so upset about this?” The question prompted Emma to look up, and she saw that all of the humor was gone in both of her friends’ eyes. Ruby was looking at her with skeptic incredulity, and Mary Margaret with curious concern.

“I just don’t see what’s so interesting about it,” she argued weakly. “It’s just a stupid picture.”

“Nope,” Ruby answered, the pop of the last consonant emphasizing her disbelief. “That’s not what it is. Seriously, what’s the matter?”

Emma finally stopped pushing her food around on her plate, and sighed. She suddenly wished she were about anywhere else on the planet right then. What was everybody’s deal? Why were they so interested in this kid? Everybody treated this little imposter like she was god’s gift to their family. Why was she the only one who saw this as a problem?

But Emma didn’t say any of that. She knew the words that were in her head would sound way too harsh coming out of her mouth. Some things just didn’t sound the way you meant them to when they were verbalized. It sounded mean and terrible, maybe even hateful. But Emma didn’t hate this newcomer. That wasn’t the emotion at all…

“Nothing,” she went with, and got up out of her chair. She began walking into the kitchen, not sure what her excuse to do so was going to be, but it didn’t matter. She was stopped short.

“Oh no,” Ruby was on her own two feet, and when Emma whipped around to look at her, she had her arms crossed, the picture dangling from two of her fingers. “Not this again. Seriously, Emma, don’t run away. Talk to us.”

Emma’s eyes flashed to Mary Margaret, who pursed her lips and scooted uncomfortably in her seat. She had never been the one to pressure Emma into sharing things she was reluctant to share. It had always been Ruby that challenged Emma. And this exchange they were having was something familiar to all three of them, but they were rusty. They hadn’t done it in a while. And on top of that, Emma had been moving past avoidance. She’d been facing her issues, talking to her friends. But this one thing, she didn’t feel like talking. She felt like running away.

“What do you want to hear, Rubes?” she spat, the tone in her question clear: she didn’t want to talk about this.

But Ruby gave her an incredulous look, and even Mary Margaret’s expression turned to one of indignation at Emma’s words. “Emma!” she scolded.

“I’m not expecting to hear any particular thing, Em,” Ruby shot back. “I’m wanting for you to be honest with me.”

Feeling cornered, Emma lifted her hands up in a questioning gesture, and shrugged. “I just…don’t want to deal with her.”

“Her?” Mary Margaret cocked her head, but the look Emma gave her made the confused look vanish. She nodded solemnly at Emma, and then looked up at Ruby.

“Okay,” Ruby started. Her posture was beginning to relax, her features softening. She was starting to get the hint just how sensitive this topic was, and she knew she was pushing Emma way into uncomfortable territory. But Emma knew the look she was being given: Ruby didn’t want her to run. She wanted to challenge her, but she didn’t want the outcome to be that Emma just shut down. It sent a pang of terror in Emma’s chest. She was going to have to confront this. Ruby wasn’t going to drop it, and unless she wanted to just shut Ruby down completely and burn a hole in their communication, she was going to have to participate. Shit… “Em…did it ever occur to you that the kid showed up for a reason?”

Feeling anger start to bubble into her chest, anger, resentment, and frustration at being cornered, she scoffed. “Of course it occurred to me!”

“Then…” Ruby screwed up her face, showing Emma she was clearly trying to find words that weren’t going to make this moment worse than it already was. It made Emma feel terrible. Ruby was trying. She was trying, and Emma was being a total dick about it. Despite that knowledge, she couldn’t help how she felt. “Then why don’t you try and figure out what that is?”

“Because!” she sighed. “I don’t want to figure it out. I just want her to go away!”

The heaviness hung in the air for a long moment between the three of them. It even cut through the thick smell of the takeout food, now completely forgotten on the table. And the words that had just left Emma’s mouth felt like a break in the reservoir. More tumbled out, making Emma’s hands come up to her face and cover it as they exited her mouth. She hated this. She hated all of it.

“I just want things back to normal,” she gasped. “Even the flashbacks are better than her. At least I’m there. At least I remember, and I fight it off. I can’t fight her off. She’s…she’s…”

“Emma,” Mary Margaret’s voice was so quiet and thin, but it still cut through to Emma’s heart when she heard the sadness there. “She’s you.”

It wasn’t the first time Emma had heard that. Wasn’t the first time somebody had said it. Somebody who cared about her. Loved her. Wanted what was best for her. And the more it was repeated, the more of the barrier was being broken down, much to Emma’s chagrin. She was trying to separate them, trying to pull them apart, but nobody would let her forget that that was impossible.

It was impossible. Emma knew that. Deep down, she knew that. Her shoulders finally gave way completely, and Emma found herself plopping down in her chair again. She dove forward and rested her head in her hands, rubbing her face roughly as she said through her fingers in a sound of defeat: “I know.”

“What’s wrong, Em? What’s _really_ wrong?” Mary Margaret pressed gently. And looking up at her friends, she saw their faces waiting to hang onto her every word. Ruby was holding the picture in both hands now, looking more serious than Emma was used to. It wasn’t every day she let Mary Margaret take the reins, but it seemed that she was aware Emma needed a gentler tone right now.

“I don’t…” Emma started, but stopped to gather her thoughts better. She had that feeling again; that awareness that whatever needed to be said wasn’t exactly something that any word in the English language was going to truly articulate what the feeling was. “I don’t want to go back there.”

“Where?” Ruby prompted.

Sitting back in her chair, Emma sighed. “Back to that little girl who…who didn’t feel so much pain.”

There was silence for a long time, and the lump in Emma’s throat made it that much harder to cut through the air that was practically swelling with her emotions. “All the shit that happened when I was a kid…not just with the Golds. The half-way houses, the grown up bullies, the kids left in there who took their anger and despair out on the weak ones, the…abuse. It’s all fucked up, and it’s all terrible, but it made me who I am. And then here comes this brat who just decides on a whim to erase all that experience, erase everything I’ve worked for, erase all the baggage but also all the independence and knowledge and wisdom I’ve gained. And then I feel like an asshole, because…it isn’t her fault. _She_ isn’t doing this. She’s just a kid. I’m blaming a kid, and it isn’t her fault.”

“It’s nobody’s fault, Emma,” Mary Margaret said kindly. “But you’ve got to stop talking about yourself in the third person. She _is_ you.”

“You’re not listening!” Emma yelled, frustration getting the better of her. “I know it’s me! I’m not stupid! Put yourself in my shoes, Mary Margaret: do you feel like the same person now that you did when you were twenty? Fifteen? Ten?”

It was quiet for a second before her friend breathed out a little, “no…”

“No. You don’t. Of course you don’t. How much growing have you done since then? How much wisdom has changed you? Now try three. Are you the same person now that you were at three?”

There was silence again. Emma sighed. “What I’m telling you, is I have nothing to relate to with her. I have nothing in common with her. She’s a baby, she’s got no idea how the world works, she doesn’t mistrust anything. And if I can’t relate to her, if I have nothing in common with her, how am I going to get her to go away? And if she doesn’t go away, what the hell is she going to do to my life?”

Ruby looked Emma in the eye, and gave her a purposeful stare. “Look, I haven’t met you like that yet, but I’ve talked to Regina and Zelena about it a lot. Emma, this kid loves to draw. She’s obsessed with sweets, she pretty much says whatever’s on her mind. She’s secretive and cautious around strangers. She thinks somebody’s going to snatch her away from the family she found any time she meets one. She nearly beat the crap out of August, and she absolutely, unconditionally, loves Regina.

“I’ve grown a lot since I was twelve, and so have you and Mary Margaret, but despite everything we’ve been through in over twenty years, we’re still best friends. Because little things change with our experiences, and we get wiser, and may make different choices than we would have in the same situations when we were younger, but fundamentally, we are the same person. Our spirit, our soul, is the same. Our potential is the same, our hearts are the same. Of _course_ you’re different than you were when you were three years old. But just because you’re more jaded and experienced doesn’t mean your heart and your desires are any different. This,” she held up the picture, displaying it in front of Emma, “means something to you. It means something to that little girl. This belongs to you. You drew this. _You_ fought August tooth and nail when he tried to get you in the car because you’ve never put up with shit from anyone, _you_ are stuck to Regina like glue because you can spot it when somebody loves you so much they’d die for you, _you_ shut down when Zelena or Archie introduced themselves and tried to talk to you, because you don’t trust easily. That’s all you.”

Emma stared at her, searching for an argument that was going to outdo what Ruby had just said. But it didn’t come. It was quiet for a moment, before Mary Margaret squeaked and put her hand up to her mouth. When both of her friends looked at her, she seemed excited.

“I just…” she smiled, bringing her hand away from her mouth, her eyes twinkling in such a familiar way that it made Emma’s lips twitch up. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

***

When her friends left, Emma slowly cleaned up the kitchen, and before she so much as touched the drawing to put it back on the fridge, she washed her hands clean of all grease. Picking it up from the dining room table, Emma was determined to not give it the slightest glance. But when she raised it to tack it back to its home directly at eye level, she sighed and swiped her eyes over the images there. Chaotic, jagged shapes that amounted to nothing tangible stared back at her. Bursts of colors: red, brown, yellow, green, all thrown into nonsensical puddles.

Emma released a sigh, resting her head forward against the door of the fridge and closing her eyes. Ruby was right. She’d done this. She’d drawn a picture. Of all things happy in Emma’s world. Whatever the hell that meant to a baby.

Taking the picture back down, Emma walked slowly to the couch and sat, holding the image up. Her eyes scanned the page. It was slightly wrinkled, and she knew had been since the day it was up. Apparently baby Emma wasn’t as conscious of keeping everything perfectly neat and tidy like she was with her own drawings, where she had to fight the urge to throw even a good sketch away if the corners wore out or heaven forbid, a wrinkle creased through the middle. There was a lot of yellow in the picture, and it sparked a note that she indeed had a few colors she needed to replace, as the two different sides of her were prone to using bright colors that were far more worn out than her blacks and browns and grays.

The front door opened, and Emma didn’t look up as she heard Regina approach from the entryway. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Regina stop. Emma finally tore her eyes away from the picture, and saw that Regina looked startled at seeing Emma studying the drawing.

“Hey,” Emma forced a smile, and for a moment, she forgot about the picture in her hand. “How did it go?”

But Regina wasn’t looking at her. She had her eyes on the picture. Then slowly, she said: “Ruby texted me.”

“Oh…kay?” Emma screwed up her face, surprised.

“She said you and I needed to talk. Are you alright?”

Emma’s face instantly slackened, and she rolled her eyes in annoyance at her best friend. Couldn’t she just butt out for once? “I’m fine. How did it go with your mom?”

It took a moment for Regina to answer, Emma recognizing that she was battling in her head to allow her question to be brushed under the rug. “It went okay,” she finally said, coming forward and sitting in front of Emma on the coffee table. She sometimes did that when Emma was Little and she was doling out corrections as Emma fussed.

“Just okay?” Emma prompted.

Regina smiled a little, and looked down. “She’s…sad.”

Raising her eyebrows, Emma set the picture down next to Regina on the table and brought her hands out to capture her partner’s. She intertwined their fingers, and when she squeezed, she felt Regina squeeze back. “Yet, you’re smiling.”

A little chuckle came out of Regina then, and she looked back up. “Sadness is a funny thing sometimes. For my mother, I don’t think she’s ever allowed herself to feel it. But now, she’s actually dealing with everything. She’s lost a lot,” Regina’s voice lowered at the statement. “And she didn’t realize how much because of all the power she kept gaining. The notoriety. It was so palpable that she just didn’t see everything else slipping through her fingers. Everything that truly mattered. She’s got to take the time to mourn that. And when she does, I think she’s going to be alright.”

Emma allowed herself to smile back, and nodded. “So what’s next for her? What’s next for _you_ and her?”

“She’s going to travel for a while. She was going to sell the house, but I think Zee and I talked her out of it. After everything, I really can’t bear to see that go. But she’s just going to go out there for a little bit, experience life for a change. Maybe find something else she really loves. As for me and her, I think I’m just excited to watch her do it. She’ll be pretty unreachable a lot of the time, but I’ve never been used to having her around a lot anyway. At least now when we do talk, we’ll really talk.”

Smiling, Emma felt her fingers being squeezed again as Regina came forward. She touched their noses lightly and then pecked Emma on the lips. “I’m glad you got to see her,” Emma said as she felt herself blushing. “Where’s she going first?”

Regina chuckled and sat back again. “To John F. Kennedy airport. And from there, she’s getting on the first available flight. She doesn’t have plans after that. I’m pretty sure that’s the point. So…” Regina gave Emma a knowing eye, and smiled. “Tell me about Ruby’s text.”

Emma’s heart sank. “You sure we can’t just talk about your mom some more? Like, for the rest of the night?”

“Positive,” Regina’s eyebrow arched up, her smile never wavering.

Feeling defeat, Emma cleared her throat. She let go of Regina’s hands and picked up the picture. She didn’t say anything for a long time as she looked down at it. “What do you see when you look at this?” she asked.

Regina didn’t look down at the picture at first. She watched Emma with pensive eyes before taking in a breath and shrugging. “I see…you.”

Emma didn’t say anything. Just looked down at it again, tracing the squiggle lines with her eyes. After a moment, she felt a lock of her hair being tucked behind her ear, and then fingers under her chin. She looked back up at Regina.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she asked.

“I don’t like this picture,” she said, perhaps too quickly, because the look on Regina’s face was something she didn’t ever want to see after something she’d said: hurt. She hurried to explain herself. “I don’t like this picture because I don’t get it. I don’t know what it is. But I did it. I did something I don’t remember and don’t understand. And I don’t like that.”

The kindness in Regina’s voice ebbed her anxiety. “You know, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever acknowledged that you had anything to do with this picture. It’s always been _her_.”

“Yeah, uh…that’s what Ruby texted you about. I don’t connect us. I don’t feel like I’m a part of her, or that she’s a part of me. But everybody else does. Especially you. And I just…I’m trying to change that. But I don’t know how to…” she stopped the sentence, realizing that she hadn’t a clue where it was going. It trailed off into nothing and surrounded them in silence again.

They stayed in that silence for a minute as Emma continued to stare down at the picture. She felt Regina watching her.

Finally, she heard Regina clear her throat, and could hear the telltale signs of the words hitting a lump as she tried to get them out. “Do you know why it took me so long to tell you about my father?”

Emma’s head snapped up, realizing now where the lump had originated, and she shrugged. “I know it wasn’t easy for you to talk about. You were waiting for the right time.”

But while she was answering, Regina’s head began to shake, debunking those theories. “That’s not why. You and I have had difficult talks many times. I’m not afraid of talking to you about things that aren’t easy. The problem was that I didn’t know _how_ to talk about it.”

Emma looked at her for a while, studying Regina’s face. The telltale sign that her father was in the room with them was brimming in her eyes, present in her shallow breathing and the soft voice she always used to try and ease the ache in her throat as she talked.

“I could have told you about what happened, the technicalities, the story. But what I couldn’t tell you was the one thing I knew you were really going to want to hear: how it all made me feel. Because I didn’t know. I’m still not sure I know,” she laughed a little at herself for the last comment. “I’ve never talked to anybody about it. I just shut it out. But it’s this huge mess of sadness and guilt and anger and resentment and longing. To feel all of those things towards one person and even more…I have no idea how to turn those emotions into words. There aren’t any words invented to give them full justice.”

The gasp that came out of Emma surprised her. She’d been not only holding her breath, but her own lump had been forming in her throat as all of Regina’s words held a mirror up to her own emotions. Finally, after a long pause, she said the only thing that came close to putting a dent in an explanation.

“I’m scared.” A tear fell down her cheek, but didn’t last more than a second. It was captured by a soft thumb, a gentle hand following it to cup her face.

“I’m here,” Regina answered.

Emma leaned forward and rested her head on Regina’s chest. An arm went around her shoulders as the other hand cradled her to Regina. Letting the picture fall back down on the coffee table, Emma wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist, and she let herself be held there as she regained her composure.

When they finally pulled away, both were tearful, but Regina ignored her own to wipe Emma’s cheeks dry. “Listen, I know you’re having a hard time connecting to this new part of you. But I promise you, Emma, if you open up, if you try to let this child in…baby I think it’s going to work out.”

“Yeah?” her voice sounded smaller than she intended, but at that moment, she just felt the need to be reassured.

“Yes. I know it hurts you because you can’t control it, I know that it scares you that it can happen at any time, and I know you feel cheated out of having any say so in this. But Emma,” she looked to her side and picked up the picture, holding it up between them. “This is you. You drew this. And you drew the others. And you love ice cream and playing with Auntie ZeeZee and getting snuggles and running around collecting things off the ground, and being with me. I know your heart, babygirl. You’re in there. You don’t just disappear. Do you trust me when I say that to you? Do you trust that I’d know if you weren’t there?”

By this point, Emma’s tears were flowing freely down her face, and she sobbed quietly as she nuzzled into Regina’s gentle hand. She did trust that. She knew, regardless of anything else, that the people around her loved her, wanted what was best for her, and that they were around to see what she couldn’t. They could see her being a part of whatever was happening. They didn’t separate the two. And she knew, was starting to realize, that she was going to have to start doing the same. She was this child. And baby Emma didn’t just show up without some sort of an invitation. She was here for a reason, making herself a part of all of their lives. Emma needed to find a way to embrace that. She knew. It wasn’t going to be easy, and it wouldn’t happen overnight. But she knew.

“Yeah,” she breathed out, hearing the word crack, her high-pitched attempted to not let it break completely. “R’gina?”

Regina was taking turns petting Emma’s hair and stroking her cheek. “Hm?”

“Will you…hold me tonight?”

A smile spread across Regina’s face, and she gave Emma a little laugh. “Do I ever not hold you?”

“You know what I mean,” she answered, and she saw Regina’s eyes shift in understanding. Emma wanted to be held in her lap, her blankie wrapped around her, rocking against Regina’s warm chest, hearing Regina’s voice as she read to her, tasting Regina’s milk in her mouth. She didn’t feel Little just then. Not completely. But the desire to let go of everything plaguing her mind and let those steady arms assure her she was safe was almost painful.

Regina stood slowly, holding her hands out, and Emma took them. Before she was guided into the bedroom, Regina leaned in and kissed her. It was slow and soft, dampened by a wayward tear that had caught on the corner of Emma’s lips. She pressed them against Regina’s, letting her eyes flutter shut at feeling herself being surrounded by her lover.

It was over quicker than Emma would have liked, and a tiny whine escaped her lips. She felt Regina’s turn up in a smile as she pulled away, and whispered, “come on, my darling. Bed time.”

***

The first thing Emma noticed when they walked into Eye Candy was that half of the room was taken up by a large stage that had three runways, all lit up with crystal blue lights in the darkness as if it were an icy Christmas. And above them, hanging from the ceiling, were half a dozen cages, all swaying slightly as women and men wearing hardly anything but collars and chains draped their limbs out as they let their own hands roam their bodies. One girl even had the ability to contort her body to nearly bend in half, and she brought one of her feet up to her face as a hand grazed her leather panties.

Emma gulped at the sight, nearly forgetting the stage that had so many others transfixed as a twink was forced on his hands and knees to bow to his Master. The only distraction as they walked in to find their table was all of the other patrons giving excited hellos to their Queen making an appearance. Numerous people came up and hugged Regina, chattering excitedly about missing her. She seemed just as excited, hugging back warmly and asking after this person and that. She was completely occupied as Ruby led them all to a large table close to the stage that had been reserved for their party.

“My god,” Zelena rolled her eyes as she picked a seat. “Your mummy is Miss Popular, isn’t she Dove?”

Emma swallowed at the nickname being used in front of all of their friends, but nobody else took any notice. Mary Margaret was over the moon at having the opportunity to watch the show on stage, Ruby was kissing the cheek of a friend that walked by to say hello, and Mary Margaret’s other friend from work, a fellow teacher named Jasmine, was giggling scandalously at the show as she sat.

“Ruby!” Mary Margaret gushed as she looked. “This place is perfect! David is going to be so jealous we came here!”

Emma felt Regina’s hand on her shoulder before she had a chance to sit down, and turned to see Regina smiling at her with two other people. They were looking at Emma as if she were a display in a window, and she felt herself instinctively pivot behind Regina as she forced a smile.

“Emma, these are my friends, Ashley and Sean.”

Ashley had hair lighter than Emma’s, brought up away from her face with the exception of perfect ringlets around her ears. She wasn’t wearing much, and what she was wearing was black leather so tight around her thighs that they might as well have been painted on. Sean was only clad in a leather speedo and boots, making him tower over the group of them as they were introduced.

“Hi,” Emma said so softly, it made Regina chuckle. She felt her hand being taken, a comforting gesture as Ashley nearly squealed in excitement.

“Here she is! The famous Emma!”

Philip narrowed his eyes at Regina playfully. “They keep saying she’s pretty, but nobody gave her justice. Nice to meet you Emma,” he bowed in a jestingly chivalrous way, but Emma barely noticed. The idea that she was anybody to be talked about to the point of these two strangers knowing who she was had her mind reeling.

“She’s shy,” Regina said kindly, and Emma noted that it was not the first time she’d had to save Emma from her sudden muteness. “But thank you. I’m sorry it took so long to meet her.”

“You’ve got to start coming around more, lady,” Ashley said, her attention finally going back to Regina. “I was pissed when I heard you were at The Dungeon and we missed you a couple of weeks ago.”

Regina just laughed and shook her head. “I needed a break. You know how it gets sometimes. Besides,” she turned to Emma and tucked a strand of wayward hair behind her ear. It made Emma scoot in and rest her chin on Regina’s shoulders, who like a reflex, put her arms around her Little One. “I’ve had my attention elsewhere.”

“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” Ashley said, and the three of them chatted for a little while until Emma finally peeked her head back around and stood up on her own. She listened intently to the conversation until they decided it was time to end it, and Ashley surprised Emma when she leaned in conspiratorially to Regina. “We’ll take good care of her. See you in an hour?”

Regina nodded. “An hour.”

Ashley brought a hand up to brush against Emma’s cheek, and she said, “It was nice meeting you, Emma. Don’t be a stranger.”

“Kay,” Emma said simply as she saw Sean give her a wink, and the two were off.

Turning to Emma, Regina gave her a sweet smile, and raised her hand up to Emma’s face. “I think they like you,” she remarked. But Emma barely heard her. She almost jumped out of her skin when she realized that Regina was taking her fingers out of her mouth.

When Emma didn’t respond, and Regina saw her surprise, she stepped forward into her space and held Emma’s cheek in her hand. The look she gave Emma was questioning, intense. “How’s my girl?” she asked.

“They knew who I was?”

Regina laughed her throaty laugh, and nodded. “You’re famous by proxy.”

“What’s happening in an hour?” she gulped.

Regina took Emma’s hand and began guiding them to their table, whispering in Emma’s ear: “I’ve got Mary Margaret set up in a private room to watch them. Sean and Ashley make quite the pair for a show. Insider secret: they’re married and have a baby.”

Emma glanced sideways at Regina and gave her a smirk as she was led to her seat. The instant she sat down, Zelena grabbed hold of her shoulders and kissed her roughly on the cheek, scooting a drink in front of Emma. “Here, Little Dove. You look like you could use this.”

“Stop pawing at her,” Ruby hit Zelena playfully on the arm.

Regina cleared her throat loudly as she sat on Emma’s other side, and gave both Ruby and Zelena a stern look as she put her arm around Emma’s shoulder. “Both of you, leave her be.”

Emma felt herself redden, and she scooted against Regina’s body. Her friends had clearly seen the exchange between she and Regina’s friends, noticed her body language, and probably watched her sucking on her fingers, even if it had only been for a moment. That feeling that always took over her consciousness when she was around The Scene was clearly in full force, making her Little side come out to the surface even when she didn’t realize it.

As she pressed against Regina’s body, a loud song came on, and another show started on stage. Emma felt a kiss at her temple, and Regina tickled her ear with a whisper, “my sweet girl.”

Emma fought the urge to stick her fingers back in her mouth and sigh against her mama. These clubs, the atmosphere they created, the knowledge that nobody around them was ignorant to her and Regina’s connection, broke down more walls than Emma cared to admit. She watched the show in silence, sipping lazily on her gin and tonic that was filled more than once by a topless server adorned in nipple clamps. The party started getting rowdy the more drinks were in everyone, the only person truly composed in all of it was Regina, who watched everyone with a smile and kept a close eye on Emma. She knew she was being watched to see if she slipped, but she kept it at bay as she laughed with her friends. She didn’t join in any of the hooting and hollering that the group did as the show went on; that wasn’t her style. But she became more entertained by the minute, every now and then checking in with Regina with a quick glance and a secret smile the two of them shared.

When Ruby wrapped a blindfold around Mary Margaret’s eyes, the rest of the club started cheering her on as she was stood up and guided to the back of the room. She clung to Ruby nervously, who took no pity on her. Emma saw Ashley and Sean dip into a secret door to meet them in one of the private rooms.

“Well, that looks like too much fun to pass up,” Zelena announced as she grabbed her latest drink off the table and began stumbling towards the back rooms. “Good thing I brought lots of cash.” She grabbed hold of Jasmine’s hand, who at this point seemed game for almost anything, and the two of them ran giggling to an entry to one of the rooms to speak to a bouncer.

Emma laughed as she watched them go. “Zee’s going to pay for a private show,” she said, turning to look at Regina. But Regina was much closer behind Emma than she thought. Emma found herself blinded by a familiar piece of fabric: it was one of Regina’s scarves she sometimes wore around her neck.

“She is,” Regina said into Emma’s ear, sending a chill down her spine. Once the scarf was secure around Emma’s eyes, she felt her hand taken into Regina’s. “Come on,” Regina coaxed.

“What’re we doing?” Emma asked nervously, letting herself be led, but striving to hold only Regina’s arm with both hands.

“You’ll see,” Regina called over the music.

Feeling the vibrations of the speakers, Emma felt like she was walking for a long time. The music got further and further away, and soon Emma could tell she was being separated from the public eye and put into a small space. She nearly fell over a chair, but Regina was there to catch her quickly. She lowered Emma onto it, and placed Emma’s hands in her lap.

A strong shiver went down Emma’s spine when the vibrations of Regina’s voice were crisp and right next to her ear. “Stay right here. Don’t move. Promise Mama.”

Emma felt her breathing quicken, and she nodded. She felt Regina disappear, her scent leaving the area, and Emma tried to assess exactly where she was. She could tell by the muffled noises around her that she was in a room cut off from the rest of the club, and figured she’d been led into one of the private show rooms. She swallowed at the idea. Was Regina really going to let her sit here and watch strangers do god knows what all by herself?

As she felt her heart rate quicken in nervous anticipation, a presence made itself known, and someone sat on her lap, straddling her. At first, Emma’s hands flew up to keep from touching, but she realized she knew the pace of the breath, the familiarity of the smell, had actually memorized the curves of this new body a long, long time ago. Her hands came back down and rested on Regina’s hips at the same time that she felt the blindfold being taken off.

She gasped when they focused on the woman in her lap. Regina was not wearing what she had been when they first arrived. Instead of tight jeans, boots, and a sleeveless shirt, she had on a leather skirt that was so short, it was nearly hiked up to her waist as she straddled Emma. It revealed Emma’s favorite g-string – the purple laced one that made her head spin because it just fit her partner so perfectly. To match it was the leather purple bra. High heels clicked on the floor at their feet as she wrapped her legs around Emma’s and leaned forward, nipping at Emma’s jaw. “Surprise,” she husked in the shell of Emma’s ear.

Emma opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. She felt a build up in her tummy that nearly made her panties unbearably wet. Clearing her throat, she grinned at Regina. “Did you plan this?”

Regina gave that raspy laugh that didn’t help Emma’s underwear situation, and she nodded. “I called in a favor. The owner is an old friend. We…” her hands lowered to Emma’s waistline, and hooked her fingers underneath Emma’s now too-tight-jeans. “…have the whole room to ourselves.”

Emma let out a shaky breath as her hands trailed forward, and her thumbs traveled under Regina’s skirt, skimming the purple lace that was the only thing between Emma and Regina’s opening. She felt the heat there, and her thumbs came away with Regina’s own wetness. She brought one of her thumbs up to her mouth and licked the flavor. She hummed around it as Regina rolled her hips forward.

Regina rose herself off of Emma’s lap, and knelt in front of her, parting Emma’s legs as she did. Emma didn’t fight it one bit, feeling her limbs turn to jelly with want and anticipation. Her breath caught in her throat when Regina leaned forward and bit down on the zipper of Emma’s jeans. “Fuck…” she whimpered.

“That would be ill advised,” Regina mused as she lifted Emma’s shirt, trailing kisses up her abdomen. “The owner has strict rules…no sex. No exceptions.”

Emma groaned as she felt a hand press up against her sex and squeeze. It rumbled in her throat as Regina’s lips closed over the vibrations. She licked at Emma’s pulse point as she ground her own sex against one of Emma’s knees.

“You look incredible,” Emma said, her hands coming up to cup Regina’s breasts. They always looked so amazing in this bra. She could hardly stand not giving into her instincts and diving forward to hide her face in between them. She wasn’t sure what was allowed here.

She found out quickly as Regina guided her head forward to do just that. Emma sighed in relief, and felt herself melt against Regina’s body. She nipped lightly at one of the mounts as she breathed all of Regina in.

“Oh…baby…” Regina whimpered as she continued to press her opening against Emma’s knee. Emma helped her by grabbing hold of Regina’s ass and pulling her further in. “I want you,” she purred into Emma’s ear.

“You’re the one who wants to play by the rules,” Emma teased.

The comment sobered Regina just a bit, who sat herself up straight and rose to full height of The Queen. “Do I?” she asked, her tone mischievous.

Fuck, Emma loved that voice.

Regina got to her feet, and Emma wasn’t sure why she was surprised that her girlfriend knew how to give a lap dance. But here she was, sitting in a chair in the middle of a private room, hardly able to contain the heat building up in her as Regina swayed into her. She barely let their skin touch as she moved with the music, and each time Emma tried to reach out to her, she ducked just out of the way. It was deliciously unbearable as she fought every instinct to grab hold of the body teasing her and pull it against her own.

Regina walked behind her, and as she knelt down to Emma’s ear, a hand trailed down Emma’s body and stopped at the opening at her legs. Emma felt her hips buck forward to gain friction, and also felt the hand maddeningly retreat. “Mama…” she whined.

“Sshh…” still a mischievous ring in the voice. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. Are you being a good girl?”

Emma nodded her head furiously, hoping upon hope that she was going to convince Regina that what she had in mind was a good idea.

“Are you sure?”

Emma didn’t answer with words. She gave a pitiful whine that she sometimes released when she didn’t get her way. It was recognized immediately as Regina’s hand withdrew. Emma was going to raise a fit about her sudden absence, but Regina came back to straddle her again. This time, she pressed their hips much closer. Leaning into Emma’s ear, she whispered, “Then you’ll do exactly as I say. Or I’ll stop. Do you understand?”

Emma felt her earlobe being bitten as she moaned out an affirmative answer.

“Good job, Little One.” That voice was enough to make Emma release more wetness into her panties. “Don’t make a sound, Emma Swan.”

Emma gulped at hearing her full name, but her breath caught sharply in her throat as Regina’s hips crashed down against her own. In between their mounds was one of Regina’s hands, and she used it to expertly unzip Emma’s pants and undo their button. Emma gave a tiny humming sound, but bit it back the moment it fell out of her mouth. She didn’t want this to stop.

Regina’s hand only paused for a moment, but continued when Emma gained her composure. She slipped it underneath Emma’s panties, and released the quietest “oh” against Emma’s ear when she felt just how wet Emma was.

Emma turned her head to bury her face in the crook of Regina’s neck, her hands pressing against the cheeks of Regina’s ass, encouraging her to continue grinding down. Regina pivoted so that her mound was pressing against Emma’s thigh, hard, as she stroked her fingers up Emma’s slit.

“I’m going to have to change you before we leave,” Regina murmured into her ear. “You can wear my jeans.” She was speaking to Emma conversationally, knowingly in contrast to her actions as she pressed two of her fingers against the tight ring of Emma’s opening. “They’re in the dressing room. You’ll be too wet to walk out of here in these.”

Emma clutched Regina to her harder, and felt an involuntary shutter go through her partner as Regina ground down on her thigh. As if she couldn’t help what she was doing, Regina repeated the motion again, and the lust it invited made her dive her fingers into Emma’s walls.

Her mouth fell open as she leaned against Regina’s chest. She nuzzled her nose into the cleavage there, hands still guiding Regina’s hips to grind down mercilessly against her thigh, whimpering out as she felt those incredible fingers soothe the aching of her walls. Regina rubbed against the spongy top of her opening, and an involuntary cry was muffled against hot skin. Regina’s other hand came to press Emma’s face closer. “Sshh…what did I say? No noise,” she commanded. And when Emma gave a grunt of insolence, Regina’s voice became dangerous. “Don’t you make another sound. Or I’ll stop right here and make you take a cold bath when we get home.”

Emma bit her lip so hard, she thought she tasted blood. At the same moment, her legs parted as far as she could get them to, allowing Regina more access to dive deeper inside her. Giving herself over, she allowed her head to be cradled against Regina’s soft chest, and guided her partner’s hips down to the same rhythm she felt herself being fucked.

Regina had been right: there was no way she was walking out of that club in the pants she had on. They were soaked. She was soaked. Her release was building up in her tummy, strong and threatening. Her breath was panting out of her and hitting the sweaty flesh of Regina’s neck. Her thigh felt deliciously raw as Regina continued to fuck herself against it. Her breathing had picked up too, and Emma could tell when she pulled away to look into her eyes that Regina was close to her own release. Could she get any sexier by being half-naked and grinding herself to orgasm on Emma’s thigh while _still_ taking full charge of the situation? The thought made Emma whimper. It didn’t matter what they were doing, what she allowed or didn’t allow Emma or herself to do; Regina was in complete control, always. She guided Emma to immense pleasure, every time. She held firm until both were satiated, every time. She always let Emma completely let go, surrender all worry and responsibility, just so the only thing Emma had to worry about was coming, long and hard.

All Emma had to do was listen. All she had to do was exactly what she was told. If she did that, she would be allowed to come. And she’d be safe. And she’d be held.

“Oh fuck…” she cried softly, the words muffled by the pillow of a breast. Her peak just hit her out of nowhere. Knocked her senseless. She felt her muscles tighten, stapling her to the chair. She froze underneath the one still grinding down against her, panting in her ear. As she stopped, she bit down on the soft flesh of Regina’s breast, because she knew as soon as this perfect feeling hit her, she wasn’t going to be able to stop the noise from escaping her lips.

And she was right. Her orgasm released and rocked through her body with nearly enough force to make them both fall to the floor. She felt herself being steadied as she suckled feverishly against the top of Regina’s breast. Her lips would release and emanate a mewling cry as each wave hit her. She desperately tried to keep the volume at a minimum. Why was beyond her. The music was so loud in their ears that the vibrations were heightening her peak. She realized that the whole bottom half of her body was pumping up to meet Regina’s, who was grabbing hold of Emma tightly as her own orgasm ripped through her.

“Gentle, baby…gentle…” Mama. Emma released her hold on Regina’s breast immediately, and licked the angry flesh. A powerful chill ran through her, though not as strong as the first few waves of her peak. Her orgasm was fading away, her senses were coming back to her, her arms came back to life and wrapped around Regina’s waist.

They sat for a long moment, until she felt Regina’s fingers begin their slow retreat. She whimpered and looked up to give Regina pitiful eyes, but she was met with a soft smile.

“Did I hurt you?” she found herself saying, looking down at the damage she must have caused to Regina’s skin. She saw a hickey begin to take shape, and Regina’s chest bounded up and down in her laughter.

“Never.”

Emma dove her face forward, and rested her forehead on Regina’s chest again, trying to catch her breath. “We just broke the rules,” she mused.

She felt a hand run through her hair as Regina answered. “I don’t follow rules. Everyone around here knows that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about to hit 2000 comments. Let's blow that number out of the water!!!
> 
> Have a happy week, everyone!


	38. Steady Ground

Stakeouts. Emma loved stakeouts. It was a great time to just sit, wait, and think. So many issues and scenarios could be sorted out when she could stay watching for long periods of time. As she waited for the fluttering of a window curtain, the opening of a door, the emergence of her target, she could sit in quiet contemplation and get her affairs in order. Hell, she could even organize some of her paperwork into the fancy portable file folder Regina had gotten her for Christmas.

Of course, all of those things were only possible if she had the pleasure of performing her stakeouts alone. But with August sitting next to her, all hopes of said doing any of that were dashed. Slurping his coffee loudly and asking her questions about their prospective business she didn’t have answers to yet, she felt herself on edge as opposed to quietly contemplating.

“Graham is getting all of the licenses in order as we speak. He’d like to sit down with you. Even if you haven’t made up your mind yet, I think the three of us sitting down and talking all this out may help you make a decision.”

“Yeah,” Emma said too loud and quick. “Sure, let’s do that. Fine.”

She felt August give her sideways eyes at her obvious irritability, but he didn’t comment on it.

“You say this guy’s about to skip town?”

Relieved that he was going to drop it and get his head back in the game, Emma nodded. “Going to New York. That’s what my contact said anyway. He should be coming out to leave any minute…unless we’re made.”

“Nah,” August grunted. “We never get made.”

“We’re in a bright yellow bug, August. We can absolutely get made,” she smirked at him.

He smiled back, and they were quiet again for a minute while they sipped their coffees and watched the door of the apartment complex their runner was expected to come out of at any minute.

“Mary Margaret ready for the wedding next weekend?” he asked, looking back down at the file and making a note in the bottom corner of one of their release papers.

Emma couldn’t help but laugh ironically. “I think she’s ready for it to be over. It’s been so crazy for her lately. She won’t ever admit it, but I think she’s done with the whole thing.”

“Why won’t she admit it?”

“Because Mary Margaret is the one that always dreamed about the perfect wedding. And now that it’s happening, I think she’s figured out its more business transactions than magical moments. She’s just going nuts with making sure the right flowers are showing up and that her dress was hemmed right.”

“You and Ruby are helping out a lot though, right?”

“Yeah,” Emma laughed again. “And neither of us have a clue what we’re doing. Honestly, Mary Margaret has been taking a lot of the work because she’s just like that. But we’ll be picking up a lot of the stuff at the last minute so she can just focus on showing up to the venue.”

“I got a great suit,” August smiled proudly. “Probably won’t compare to whatever Zelena’s going to pull off though. Having her as a date is a little intimidating sometimes.”

Chuckling, Emma nodded. “I know the feeling.”

“Nah,” August smiled at her. “Regina is at least in your league. Zee and me…man…”

Emma looked over at him, and was about to ask what he meant when August sat up straight and practically threw the file onto the floor of the bug. “Here we go,” he announced, and Emma’s head snapped forward.

A small-framed older man was descending the fire escape stairway of the run-down apartment building. He looked nervously down the alleyway before throwing the hood of his dingy sweater over his head and starting down the path.

“Little warm for that sweater,” August scoffed quietly. “He thinks he’s not going to stand out on the street?”

As Emma opened her door and August followed, she said, “he won’t make it to the street if we can help it. Quick, come on.”

They padded towards their runner. The closer they got, the easier it was to tell that he had been hiding out for about as long as Emma had been looking for him; his clothes were dirty and wrinkled as if he’d been sleeping in them for several days, his face was covered in a scruffy salt and pepper beard, and he looked skinnier than he had the first day Emma had helped him out of jail. She had gotten to the point in her career that she could spot a runner the moment she met them, and this man had been no different. They always had a weary look in their eyes that told her they couldn’t crawl out of whatever hole they’d dug themselves into, and they just needed to escape.

He didn’t notice them at first as they hurried to catch up with him. He was walking down the narrow alley that separated the building he had just come out of from another set of apartments; broken brick all the way up to at least a dozen floors.

“Allister Campbell?” August called.

Their runner didn’t even turn around when his name was called. He simply broke out into a sprint the moment he heard it.

“Shit!” August started down after him, and Emma pivoted towards a different back alley, figuring she might be able to catch him if he made the turn she hoped he would. As a runner, he’d want to find crowds and try to blend in. The only way he was going to do that was if he turned east to hit the main road, and she knew what alley way headed east.

She went at full speed, the smell of laundry being hung out to dry, the dumpsters, and feral cats wafting towards her in the hot June air. This part of town was a place Emma was very familiar with; she’d spent a good portion of her childhood in these neighborhoods when she’d ran away from various fosters. The smells haunted her, and she ran as if she was escaping them. She knew that with the right motivation, she was much faster than a middle-aged man, so she let the feeling take over.

And she was right. Turning the corner of the run-down building, Allister Campbell ran right into her. The impact sent him crashing to the ground, and Emma had just enough time to reach into her pocket and grab her cuffs. As she did, she heard August’s quick footsteps echoing through the alley, getting louder.

“Stupid cunt!” Campbell screamed like a caged animal, and leapt to his feet. He rammed into Emma’s middle with his head down.

She felt herself grab onto him to try and catch her balance, but he had barreled into her hard and fast. She flew backwards, her body slamming into the brick wall of the building behind her.

And Gold’s hands were around her throat. Her breath was knocked out of her, stomach aching unbearably, queasy to the point of nearly vomiting. In her daze, Emma was amazed to see Robert Gold’s living room form around her, shards of glass from the broken coffee table all over the floor, crunching under her feet, blood flecked on the pieces, the Athena statue just beyond.

Gold flickered for a moment. His hands released. She gasped. Then they were there again, blocking her airways. He’d grabbed hold of her jacket to lift her up, choke her, and she felt the back of her head striking the wall, her feet kicking wildly, her hands trying to loosen his grip.

She didn’t have the luxury of finding out how she’d ended up back in this place; she had to find a way to save her own life. However Gold was here, it didn’t matter. If she didn’t get away from him, he’d break her neck in two. The release that had happened the last time wasn’t coming. She kicked harder.

“Emma!”

Air flowed into her mouth, travelled through her throat like a poisonous lifeline: beautiful and painful all at once. The hands were gone as quickly as they’d come, vanished as if they’d never been there at all. Instead, they were on her arms, holding her up, squeezing her just enough to try and shake her. Shake her eyes into focus, shake her brain into the present. But Emma just gulped air. That seemed to be all that mattered. And her body agreed, because her legs couldn’t focus on holding her up anymore. Her feet melted like putty underneath her, and she began to collapse. But she didn’t have the strength or the grounding to prepare herself for the fall. She just dropped.

“Woah…Em! C’mon. Look at me, kid.”

August’s voice cut through the confusion. The scenes kept flickering…like a goddamned movie. Like she was watching a montage. Gold’s living room morphed into the alleyway, and then back again. It was so disorienting that she didn’t realize she hadn’t landed on hard concrete. Somehow, her fall hadn’t happened.

“C’mon…Emma. Snap out of it, kiddo. You’re okay.”

August again. And then she felt the squeeze one more time. She hadn’t fallen because he’d caught her. His hands were holding her arms snug, keeping her off the ground. And as she felt them, he began to take shape.

“There we go…hey.” The moment their eyes met, he smiled at her, recognizing that she was finally seeing him right in front of her. She blinked furiously, gasping in another pocket of stale, hot air.

“What…” she tried, but it hurt her throat too much, and she coughed to clear the ache.

“Don’t try to talk. Just breathe.” August had pivoted, and he held her whole body up with one arm around her waist. Her back was against his front now, and she wasn’t used to being held by somebody so much bigger than her small frame. As she made the comparison in her mind, Regina flashed through it, and the sudden need for her to be the one holding her made Emma start to shake. This was too scary, this was too out of nowhere. She’d been thrown back into that horrible nightmare, and now she just wanted to collapse and try to compose herself.

August’s free hand came over her forehead, and he held her closer. “You’re okay,” he said in a soft tone that did nothing but make Emma’s trembling turn up to an almost agonizing volume. Even though he’d caught her from falling, she couldn’t get her feet to plant themselves onto the pavement and hold her up. Her legs were boneless masses, trembling underneath her, head heavy, chest heaving, stomach aching.

And then they were scooped up off the ground, and Emma felt herself being carried. A huge part of her wanted to kick and scream and insist that this was pathetic and stupid and to just give her a minute. She tried. She really did. But all her limbs seemed capable of doing was dolling out random jitters that left her more breathless than before, and she had no control over her voice. It wasn’t working. She felt the ghost of hands wrapped around her throat, and it nearly suffocated her.

“Relax,” August’s voice was closer than ever. She could feel it rumbling as she was carried. There wasn’t anything she could do about it either. She accepted her fate and curled herself inward, squeezing her eyes shut.

Not until she smelled the interior of her own car did Emma open her eyes. She felt herself being lowered onto one of the bucket seats, and saw August crouch down on the curb to be at eye level with her. He was covered in sweat, panting as he looked her over. “Fuck, man. I need to start doing some cardio,” he grinned. “You okay?”

Emma just blinked at him, her own breathing shallow and interrupted by painful coughing fits. She threw her head against the back of the seat, and hissed in pain as the light impact caused a surprisingly strong sting. She lifted her hand to feel a bump on the back of her head. “Where’s Gold…?” she managed.

August’s labored breathing paused, and his face screwed up in confusion. “What?”

“Wh…where’d he go?” Once the question was out, she realized it wasn’t something that should have been asked. Of course Gold wasn’t there. Of course he hadn’t just made a random appearance in the middle of their chase. He was dead. It wasn’t any more plausible that he had shown up in that alley than it was that she had poofed into Robert Gold’s living room.

But that’s what she’d seen. Right?

She tried to swallow, only to find that her throat felt like sandpaper.

August just nodded slowly, and sighed. “Just rest, kid. Catch your breath. You got your keys on you?”

Emma motioned to her pocket, but knew better than to think she had the motor skills to fish for them. As he did it for her, he said, “I’ll call Regina.”

“No!” Emma gasped out, finally gaining enough control of her arms to reach out and knock August’s phone out of his hand. “Don’t…please,” she panted with the sudden effort.

August tried and failed to catch his phone. Picking it back up, he studied her for a minute. Emma could see understanding hit his eyes: she didn’t want to worry Regina while she was at work. Regina had to keep her head in her own things, and Emma’s flashbacks and regressions had interrupted her workdays more times than Emma felt comfortable with. It was part of the guilt that haunted her when she felt overwhelmed with the gravity of it all.

He finally nodded. “Okay. I’ll take you home then. But I’m calling Zelena. Do you need to go get checked out?”

Emma took stock of her real pain and her phantom pain. There was a sting on the back of her head from the impact with the wall, but it wasn’t so terrible that she was disoriented from it. The burning of her throat was the strangest part of it all. The only thing she could equate it to was waking up from a terrible dream and still feeling the effects: her throat burned, but didn’t have any real physical injuries. Campbell hadn’t choked her. He’d only thrown her against the wall so that he could get a head start.

Mostly, she was out of breath and confused. She rested her head against the seat and shook it, shutting her eyes as August closed the car door on her. She felt him get in the driver’s seat and start the car.

“What happened to Campbell?” she asked, though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer. He’d gotten away.

She’d let him get away.

“We’ll get him later,” August said, and his tone seemed much more optimistic than she felt about it. “Besides, I think I have a pretty good idea where he’s going. I’ll call one of my buddies at the police station. Maybe they’ve got somebody who can go check out my hunch. Guy belongs back in jail.”

“I’m sorry, August,” she murmured quietly. She felt like absolute shit, both physically and mentally. She’d failed at her job.

“Don’t be. He knocked you pretty good. Anybody’d be floored by it.”

_“Find that fucking kid!”_

_Darkness. A crack of light. Emma pressing herself against the wall, breath imprisoned in her throat, watching as a finger was put up against lips. “Don’t come out for a long time. Or he’ll kill you.”_

_Laying there, curled up, unable to move, unable to see, unable to fight or sleep._

Emma’s eyes snapped open and she shot up. Light came bursting into her vision, blinding and painful. She actually yelled as she shut them again, and the effort had her reeling for breath.

“Sshh…it’s alright, Little Dove. Come on, breathe now. That’s it…”

Emma realized that she was on her own couch. The smells of her home came wafting into her head: her and Regina, mixed into one, a hint of the morning’s coffee and last night’s meal.

She thought she was seeing things again. Instead of being thrown back into that awful living room, into that hell, she was in her own home. And if Gold could appear out of nowhere, so maybe could Regina. She wished for it. She pleaded for it.

“R’gina…” it came out in a pitiful sob, and she realized that a hand was on her cheek, another rubbing her thigh. She had tried to get up, but even if that had been possible (which it wasn’t), she was forced to sit back by soothing hands.

“Just breathe, Emma. Come on…ZeeZee’s here.”

Emma’s thoughts began to sharpen, the foggy chaos lifting. She vaguely remembered a car ride, talking to August. Strange little puzzle pieces that semi fit together, giving her a vague idea of the bigger picture. She did as she was told, and allowed air to fill her lungs.

“Good girl.”

Zelena. Emma felt her hands rubbing up and down her legs, and she realized that Zelena was sitting on the coffee table in front of her. She had Emma’s socked feet in her lap, massaging them. Emma tried to remember getting here, much less Zelena showing up or her shoes being taken off.

Her eyes were barely opened as she gazed lazily at Zelena. The bit of water that was in them made Zelena blurry. She felt a pinch on her big toe, a familiar order that was given in the chaos, and like a reflex, she took in a large breath of air and steadied it before letting it out slowly.

“Hey, good job, Dove,” Zelena praised. “You know the drill. Start with your toes. Come on now, close your eyes.”

***

Regina had her mind on dinner as she exited the elevator and headed for her front door. Emma would appreciate lasagna, and she had her own craving for it. On the other hand, there was left over salmon that needed to be gone before it went bad.

She turned the key in her door as she went over the options in her head. As it opened, she was surprised to hear the familiar sounds of her sister coming from the living room. She hadn’t been expecting Zelena, but perhaps she and Emma were in the middle of one of their silly games. Zelena would be dead meat if she and Emma were eating ice cream, she thought.

As she put her things down in the entryway, a figure out of the corner of her eye made her jump. August also started in response, and Regina put her hand on her heart and caught her breath. “You scared me. What are you doing here?”

But August’s eyes widened, and he put his finger to his lips. “Ssh! Zee just got her to calm down.”

Regina felt like ice cold water had just infiltrated her chest as his words sunk in. Emma…

Despite his warning, Regina flew into the living room. She found Emma sitting back on the couch, her eyes closed, and her feet propped up on Zelena’s lap. Zelena was rubbing them as she coached Emma’s breathing in a soothing voice. Regina paused to take in the scene, but as she was about to move forward and go to Emma, she felt August take her by the arm.

She wrenched herself free and shot him a death glare. “Why didn’t you call me?” she seethed under her breath.

“I wanted to,” August defended himself. “But she didn’t want you to have to leave work.”

Their voices had caught Zelena’s attention, and she looked sideways at them. When Regina met her eyes, Zelena jerked her head, signaling for them to leave the room.

It took every ounce of Regina’s willpower to not walk over and smack her sister out of the way and take Emma into her arms. But she knew that her emotions couldn’t take hold of her better judgement. Whatever had happened, Emma was getting the treatment she needed right then.

So despite all of her instincts, she allowed herself to be guided into the kitchen, where she let out the breath she’d been holding in since seeing Emma.

“What happened?” she asked quietly.

August shrugged and opened the fridge to grab himself a can of coke. “Dunno. We were chasing a runner. Emma went down one alley and I went down the other. Next thing I know, I’m coming up on Emma sliding down a wall looking really dazed and our guy taking off. I was gunna go after him, but then I noticed she was like…choking? Or at least, trying not to?” he shook his head. “I don’t really know how to explain it. She…”

“Couldn’t breathe,” Regina finished for him, closing her eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, sounding surprised. “I guess you could call it that. Anyway, I came up to her and called her name, but it was like she didn’t hear me. Or see me. Took her a couple of minutes to snap out of it. But…”

He stopped, and looked down at his coke as if it was holding answers there. When he didn’t continue, Regina coaxed him. “But what?”

August shifted uncomfortably before he answered. “She asked me where Gold went. Like she’d seen him or something.”

Once Regina calmed down, she waited in the entryway of their living room, watching as Emma continued her breathing exercise. She seemed to be doing very well under Zelena’s calm, melodic instructions, and Regina took notes for the future. She didn’t say a word as her sister praised Emma’s performance, but she had worried her lip so much that it was starting to get tender. She hadn’t taken her eyes off of Emma for a second, had barely blinked. To her relief, Emma looked calm. The breathing exercise was working. Thank god for her sister, Regina thought for probably the millionth time in her life.

“You’ve done perfect, Little Dove,” Zelena praised in a low, calming voice, rubbing Emma’s legs lightly in encouragement. “There’s a surprise here for you. Can you open your eyes?”

It took Emma a moment to comply. She did it slowly, as if her lids were twice the weight she was used to, and when the green of her irises finally came back into the world, Regina could see that they were nearly drunk with exhaustion and Zelena’s meditation therapy. She didn’t even move them around the room to search for her surprise, prompting Regina to come forward and crouch in front of her.

The moment Emma realized she was there, her brows knit together, and those eyes began to pool with a watershed of emotions. She looked as if all her dreams had come true by Regina’s arrival. It was the most endearing, yet heartbreaking sight Regina could imagine, and she responded by reaching her arms out to her Little One.

Emma nearly melted off the couch and fell into them. Her arms tangled around Regina’s neck and she hung there loose and heavy, her whole body melted against Regina as a weighted sigh escaped her. Regina responded by holding her tightly, making sure she didn’t fall away from her. She pulled Emma into her lap, rocking them on the floor of the living room, rubbing her hands up and down Emma’s spine as a little mewl escaped Emma’s lips. “I’m here,” she murmured into Emma’s yellow hair. “I’m here, my love.”

Zelena had propped her chin on one of her knuckles and was watching the scene with an endearing smile. “She’s just fine, Bun. A little tired. Just keep an eye on her. Give her half of a Xanax before bed tonight. It might keep her from having a flashback in her sleep, but won’t drug her up so bad.”

“No pills,” Emma murmured, her arms tightening around Regina’s neck. The upturn in her voice made it clear she hated the idea.

Nodding to Zelena, Regina shushed Emma by cradling her head to her shoulder. “Sshh. Don’t worry about that right now.” Her hand felt a bump on the back of Emma’s head, and she looked worriedly over to her sister.

Zelena nodded that she recognized what Regina noticed. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “She’s not concussed. Just a bump.”

August came into the living room, peering down at the scene. He was unusually mute as Zelena stood and went to him.

“Hero status, yet again,” she said as she caught both of August’s cheeks in her hands and planted a passionate kiss on his lips.

When she pulled away, August was grinning. “Does that mean I get laid tonight?” he asked through a slight glowing in his cheeks.

She made herself the salmon leftovers, and went with simple sourdough toast for Emma. Still, she barely touched the bread, even when Regina cut the crust off for her. She picked at it and sucked the butter off her fingers, but not much more. Zelena and August were finally gone after Zelena gave a myriad of instructions for avoiding a full-on flashback.

Emma stayed quiet and mild in their absence. She wasn’t quite in her little space, but also wasn’t quite in a place to be answering questions and talk about her day with Regina. She just seemed lost in her head, which was another symptom Regina noticed characterized Emma’s post-flashback moods.

Trying to counteract her loss of appetite, Regina served a small amount of homemade applesauce into a bowl and guided the spoon to Emma’s mouth. Though Emma clearly wasn’t hungry, she was never in a mood to be argumentative with Regina when she was so exhausted from one of her flashbacks. She took small, tentative bites, and made an affair of mulling the food around in her mouth before finally swallowing it down.

From what Regina understood, this episode had been tame compared to the terrifying flashbacks Emma had in the middle of the night. Instead of minutes that felt like hours of Emma turning blue while struggling to breathe, eliciting deafening screams when she sucked in enough air, her eyes turning that haunting black, and her entire body going absolutely rigid, she seemed to have had a split moment of finding herself in a place she wasn’t. August had said she’d asked where Gold was. Maybe she’d found herself in that closet again before climbing into the suitcase. Maybe she was just in the bedroom. Whatever the case, she’d been fortunate enough to have been called back relatively quickly before the situation became too dire.

But she was no less tired for it. Emma’s whole body seemed to be dragged down by invisible chains as Regina finally gave up after five bites of applesauce, and guided her to the bedroom. It was early, but that didn’t matter. Emma needed to go to bed, and Regina had absolutely no intentions of letting Emma fall asleep anywhere else but in her arms.

“Emma,” Regina whispered into her hair, and received a tiny hum in response. “I think a diaper is a good idea for tonight, okay?” Another noncommittal hum answered, making Regina kiss Emma’s temple. “That’s my good girl,” she praised, and pulled away to guide Emma towards the bed. She fetched Pankie and Emma’s favorite paci, placing it into her mouth and Pankie in her arms. Emma snuggled against it, her suckling lazy and weak as Regina rid her of her shoes, socks, and pants. She took Emma’s changing items out of the closet, and despite everything, smiled to herself. It had been a while since Emma had worn a diaper, save for the first morning she had woken up regressed. Regina didn’t realize until that moment that a part of her really missed it; missed the closeness is brought to the two of them as she changed Emma. Nothing compared to the level of intimacy that nursing Emma brought, but changing her was a close second.

Emma looked nearly asleep when she finally came back to the bed, and she scooted the changing pad under Emma’s bare bottom before grabbing a wipe and wiping Emma down. Sprinkling powder on her skin, the sigh that came out of Emma made Regina smile again; she’d nearly forgotten how much Emma liked this part. Emma didn’t lift her hips when Regina unfolded the diaper, and she looked up from her task to see that Emma’s eyes were closed and her breathing was even in a state of half sleep. Pankie was snuggled up to her chin, fists curled around the stuffed puppy’s ears. “Emma,” Regina called softly. “Lift up, baby.”

A sharp inhale and half-open eyes answered her, and Regina could see that it took a moment for Emma to register what was happening. Once she did, she lifted her hips, but they sank back down quickly the moment Regina slid the diaper underneath. Her eyes followed.

Once Emma was wrapped up snuggly, Regina helped her sit up to remove her bra and shirt, and put her in a loose nighty. She didn’t bother with any pajama bottoms; the nights were warm now, and she enjoyed seeing Emma without anything but a shirt and diaper.

After getting herself ready for bed in her favorite pair of Emma’s boy shorts, she found Emma already in deep sleep. A little guilty pang hit her chest as she held the half of a Xanax in her hand. Looking at Emma now, it was impossible to think that she could be anything but dead to the world for hours, but the tricks Emma’s mind played on her while she slept were a force to be reckoned with. It wasn’t something she was willing to take a chance on. She hated seeing Emma so drained of energy, so lost in thought while she tried to maneuver through the events of her flashbacks, unable to eat and barely conscious of anything else going on around her. Even if the pill made her groggy, it would be worth it to avoid all of that happening again so soon.

However, what Regina _loved_ was holding Emma to her, rocking her, singing softly into her hair. And as she climbed into their bed, she pulled Emma against her to do just that. Not much help to the effort, Emma grunted around her paci as her body was worked to lay in Regina’s lap. She piled the pillows underneath the arm holding Emma, and all around them for support. The moment Emma felt that she was against Regina’s chest, she cooed in her sleep and nuzzled against the bare skin of Regina’s shirtless chest, one hand leaving Pankie’s ear to land on olive skin and paw lightly against it.

Regina gently took the paci away from Emma’s lips, earning a tiny cry of protest as her eyes popped open. Emma gave Regina a wounded look, but she made the effort to kiss it away on Emma’s temple, and sped up their rocking. “Don’t cry, my Little One,” she whispered, lowering Emma down and holding the pill on her bottom lip. When Emma realized it was there, she grimaced and turned her head into Regina, rooting for a nipple. Tutting, Regina guided Emma’s face back away from her chest, and coaxed the pill at the opening of Emma’s mouth. “Come on, baby. Please? For me?”

Emma stopped then, and for a moment she met Regina’s gaze with a clarity that hadn’t been there that evening. At seeing it, Regina felt a sting in her eyes, and she smiled down at Emma. “My little fighter. I love you,” she whispered, just the tiniest hint of a crack in her voice.

Emma responded by opening her mouth and readily accepting the broken up pill. Regina let it fall on her tongue, and Emma turned to latch on to the breast her cheek had been nuzzled against. Regina’s eyes closed, and she sighed in relief at the sensation of Emma’s lips relieving the pressure built up by her milk. Her arms tightened around her Little One’s frame, and she buried her face in Emma’s hair, inhaling her scent, savoring the feeling of her. These moments felt like perfection.

Emma nursed slowly, and her suckling grew weaker and weaker by the moment. With disappointment, Regina realized there was no way Emma would have the energy to nurse from both breasts, particularly once the Xanax kicked in.

And it worked fast. Emma’s hand lost its grip on Pankie, her lips barely fastened around the breast she was nursing from. A tiny bit of milk dribbled from the corner of her mouth as she wasn’t swallowing it down fast enough. Finally, Regina yielded, and pressed her finger in between her nipple and Emma’s lips. Emma’s mouth fell away, and her loose frame and even breathing made it clear that she was fast asleep.

Lowering Emma down from her lap onto the mattress, Regina pulled a light sheet over her sleeping frame and tucked her in. She made sure that Pankie was pressed against Emma’s chest, and she curled in behind her, holding her close.

***

“That’s not true!” Anna yelled over the loud music, fixing a very serious stink eye on Will as he nodded his head importantly in contrast to her words.

“Is so,” he challenged.

“Is not.”

“Is so.”

“Is _not_!” she insisted.

But Will seemed unperturbed by her insistence. “Let’s see what Emma thinks then,” he challenged.

Emma jumped at hearing her name brought into the argument, and felt her mouth getting very dry when all three heads turned her way. She had been sitting on the floor of The Playpen with Anna, having a very nice time being educated on the importance of Pokémon Shining Legends game cards, when Will approached with his friend Tilly in tow, swearing that Pokémon was a waste of time. What she and Anna really needed to be cool were Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards. The argument had escalated from there, and now her opinion was demanded.

The problem with all of this was that Emma had absolutely no idea what any of them were talking about. As far as she was concerned, The Incredibles was the best thing since cinnamon milk in her bottle, and the virtually non-existent Harry Potter chocolate frog cards were her idea of a worthy trading game. Beyond that, the most she had an opinion about was whether or not refusing to eat broccoli with her dinner was worth the time outs. Emma didn’t bother having more complicated opinions than that when she was Little; that was sort of the point for her.

So Emma found melted chocolate on her fingers from Anna giving her more contraband earlier, and shoved them into her mouth. She suckled them long after the flavor was gone to avoid having to answer.

While she was mild, Anna and Will were about as feisty as they came. Tilly, while following behind Will, seemed to be in the same boat as she was, and had yet to say anything about either trader card collections.

“See?” Anna turned back to Will, as if Emma’s lack of response was all the proof that she had needed to be right. “She thinks you’re idea is so dumb she doesn’t even have time to talk to you.”

It took Will a moment to answer, and Emma realized too late that it was because he was gathering up enough air in his lunged to scream out his response. “Is not!” he shrieked. Even Tilly winced.

But Anna was unintimidated, and rolled her eyes. She gave Emma a knowing look, and Emma remembered her warnings of Will’s inevitable temper tantrums. As he screamed, he threw his hands out and shoved at Anna. She fell on her back from her sitting position, but bobbed back up like one of those carnival toys you could never fully knock over. Her hands went out to return the favor as Emma and Tilly both scooted back to avoid being collateral damage. It ended up not working. Anna and Will started a scuffle that had them both rolling on the ground, and Emma accidentally got kicked by Will in the process.

Her elbow screamed with pain, prompting her fingers to fall out of her mouth and grab hold of herself. This was bad, she thought. This was real bad. They were gunna get in so much troubles and she didn’t want to be in troubles because right now her elbow hurt and she wanted Mama to fix it.

She was about to yell out as much when Anna and Will were pulled apart by the adults. Elsa grabbed hold of Anna’s hands and lifted her to her feet. As Elsa scolded her, Anna loudly insisted that Will was being mean for no good reason. At the same time, Emma saw a gruff hand clasp Will under one of his arms, and he was yanked to his own feet. His Daddy, a sandy-haired man with a five o’clock shadow and a dangerous scowl, pulled Will away from the scuffle. Emma was shocked to see him smack Will hard on the butt and point to Emma, hissing, “Do you have _any_ idea who that is?!”

Feeling tears stinging her eyes, Emma hiccupped once and rubbed at them. And then Mama was there, crouching down to be at Emma’s level. She put her fingers under Emma’s chin and looked her over. Emma stuck out her elbow. “Hurts, Mama.”

“Baby. Where does it hurt?” Mama rubbed her hand along Emma’s forearm, her voice light even though Emma had real tears that spilled over her cheeks. When she pointed to the spot, she noticed it was a little red, but otherwise unscathed. Mama leaned down and kissed it. And then she ducked forward and gave Emma a million feather kisses on her neck and face that tickled. Emma squealed and threw her arms around Mama’s neck to keep from falling back. Before she knew it, her tears had turned to ones of laughter and she didn’t even feel any pain on her elbow anymore.

Emma was helped up to her feet, where Anna stood with her head down, arms crossed, and lip jutted out in a pout. Elsa was holding onto her arm and talking to Will’s Daddy, who had hold of Will’s hand. Will was looking everywhere but at Anna, trying to pretend that he wasn’t at all interested in what was happening.

“You two have got to start getting along,” Elsa reproached.

Will’s Daddy nodded and gave Will a severe look. “And you need to control your temper. You didn’t even care that your other friends could have been hurt. You need to apologize. Right now. And you don’t get any tv for a week!”

Emma was about to come to Will’s defense, because she wasn’t super hurt after all, when Will’s Daddy looked at Mama. As he did, his features turned from anger to apologetic. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine, Robin,” Mama answered, but Emma heard the pinched undertones: she was not happy.

However, as if he noticed her for the first time, Will looked at Regina and pressed his lips in between his teeth before saying: “I’m sorry, Miss Regina. It was an accident. I didn’t mean it.” He sounded slightly panicked, and of course, his plea melted Mama.

“It’s alright, Will,” she said, her voice softening. “Just be more careful. And you all shouldn’t fight anyway. Pay more attention to what you all have in common instead of what your differences are, okay?”

Her words seemed to hit him, and he blinked before looking down at the ground. “’m sorry, Emma,” he said.

Even Anna looked guilty at Regina’s words, and her demeanor relaxed. She looked at Will and mumbled an apology. Will did the same. Then Anna’s face spread into a huge grin and she leaped forward into Will’s arms. They were laughing in no time, and Elsa rolled her eyes at Robin and Regina. “I need a drink. What do you both want? I’ll buy.”

“Oh no you won’t,” Robin smiled. “My Little threw the first punch. I’ll buy. You can get next round.”

Emma felt somebody tap her shoulder, and she looked back to see Tilly standing behind her with a sweet grin on her face. She had a bunch of cards in her hand, and she gestured for Emma to take them. “Here, you can have my Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards,” she said. “That way you can start a collection.”

Emma took them and looked down at the stack. It wasn’t a small amount either, and even though she didn’t really understand why these trading cards were so fascinating, what she did understand was how kind of a gesture this was.

Tilly leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, “There’s a real rare one in there, so don’t trade any with Will until you learn what’s what,” she winked and gave Emma a toothy grin, who grinned back.

“Thanks,” she said, stuffing them into her pocket.

The four of them played well for the rest of the evening, forgetting their cards and focusing on Robot Unicorn Attack 3. None of them had ever heard of it, and Emma was proud to be able to show them all something for once. Anna and Tilly took turns holding Emma’s hand when it was one or the other’s turn, and Will and Anna made amends by swapping chocolate for a keychain.

Emma was so tired by the time they got home that she fussed when Mama made her brush her teeth before bed.

“You’re making good friends, aren’t you?” Mama smiled, brushing her fingers through Emma’s hair as she sat on the counter and lazily brushed her teeth. Emma nodded, and Mama took hold of the toothbrush to finish the job. “Maybe we’ll have a big playdate with everyone here. What do you think?”

Despite how tired she was, Emma’s eyes lit up. “Really!?” she squeaked.

Mama laughed and nodded, instructing Emma to spit and jump off the counter to bed. She did exactly as she was told, excited by the idea of all of her friends coming over to play. But as she climbed into bed, a thought hit her. When she had visited Anna, there had been a sandbox to play in, and a room all Anna’s own, filled with toys. She wondered if her other friends also had all of those things, and if bringing them to the apartment might not impress them as much as she would have liked. It was a familiar feeling for her. She’d never been able to bring friends over to the foster homes, but even if she had been allowed, she wouldn’t have done it. She’d always been too embarrassed by where she lived. She wasn’t embarrassed of where she lived now, but she also didn’t have much to entertain her friends with, she though.

Mama seemed to notice her change of mood, and she gave Emma a queer smile as she joined her on the bed. “What’s wrong?”

Emma screwed her face up at the question, and grabbed their latest book from the bedside table. She climbed into Mama’s waiting arms and held the book out for her, not meeting Mama’s eyes as she put her fingers in her mouth.

They were taken out almost instantly, and Emma could feel expectant eyes on her. “What?” a soft whisper against her hair soothed Emma enough to answer.

“What if…what if they don’t wanna come over? Cuz I don’t have a sandbox?”

She was expecting her question to earn her a laugh, but it didn’t. Mama kissed the top of her hair and hummed in thought. “We don’t have a place to put a sandbox. But…”

Emma waited as the pause did what it was designed to do: cause anticipation to buildup. “But?”

“But you had fun in Anna’s room too, right?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, what if you had a playroom all your own? Do you think your friends would want to come over then?”

Emma’s head snapped up, and she looked at Mama to see if she were asking the question for really reals. She was grinning down at Emma, that sparkle in her eye that Emma had never seen her give anyone else. Warmth glowed in her tummy. “I can have a playroom?”

Mama’s grin split from ear to ear, and she leaned in and gave Emma a bunch of feather kisses like before, making her giggle and curl in against her. “You,” she finally stopped her kissing, and cupped Emma’s cheek, “can have the whole world. It’s yours.”

***

Once the coffee started wafting through the apartment, Regina expected Emma to wake up and follow the smell at any moment. She checked her phone to see a text from her sister, and she typed up a response as she heard feet padding down the hallway.

And then Emma came in with Pankie clutched in one hand and her other up to her face. Her thumb was placed firmly in her mouth, index finger tapping on her nose as she reached out her Pankie hand to Mama.

A powerful jolt of love shot through Regina’s chest, and the smile that spread on her face nearly cracked her cheeks. She gave a mock gasp and put her coffee down on the counter to pull baby Emma into a hug. “Hello, sweet girl!” she greeted, squeezing Emma tightly, and kissing her several times on her temple. She surprised even herself with how happy she was to see this Emma. She was still in awe of how quickly baby Emma had Regina wrapped around her little finger. Being conscious of it didn’t make the effects any less powerful though. She kissed her a few more times before Emma giggled and tore away to run into the living room.

Regina opened the top cabinet to take out a bottle and filled it with apple juice. Emma had woken up long before the sun that morning, crying for milk, so Regina didn’t have any for her just then. She’d assumed Emma was regressed, as she normally was when she woke up in the middle of the night like that, but to still have her in the morning was a treat. It was Sunday; they had no responsibilities for the day. She could just enjoy this time for once.

She filled the bottle and picked up her coffee to meet Emma in the living room, where she gasped out loud and nearly dropped both. Emma was fidgeting with one of the pokers for the fireplace, and the entire set was about to clamor down on her feet. Regina spilled coffee on her hand as she put it down less than carefully, and bolted to Emma. “Oh baby, careful!”

Pankie got caught on one of the poker handles, and it started to tilt. Emma, thumb still in her mouth, moved to yank Pankie free. The heavy, iron set of fire pokers was halfway to the ground when Regina caught them. They clanged against one another loudly, but otherwise did no harm. Regina let out a relieved sigh as Emma giggled.

“Oh, is that funny?” she raised an eyebrow to Emma as she stood the fire poker set upright, and Emma nodded. “That’s not funny,” she jumped forward and grabbed Emma around the middle, tickling her until her thumb was out of her mouth, and she was squealing in delight. Arms around Emma’s waist, she leaned into her ear, and turned her serious tone on. “I mean it Emma, don’t touch those. You could have gotten hurt. Promise?”

“Ya,” Emma said halfheartedly, prompting Regina to twirl her around so they were facing each other.

She gave Emma a stern look. “No, I mean it. Don’t touch those. They could have fallen, and then you’d be hurt. Mama would have been so sad. Promise me you won’t.”

Emma’s face fell, and she clutched Pankie closer to her chest as her bottom lip jutted out. “Mkay Mama.”

“Good girl,” Regina chucked her under the chin and gave her a smile. “Let’s go get you changed. Then, I have a surprise for you.”

Emma’s eyes brightened immediately, and she danced on the balls of her feet. “What, what!?”

Chuckling, Regina took her hand and guided them down the hallway. “You’ll just have to wait.” She wanted Emma in a diaper for the morning, as she was still learning whether or not it was needed. The fact that Emma didn’t fight her on it told her that there was still some normalcy in wearing one.

Once Emma was snuggly fitted into her diaper, Regina dressed her in a looser pair of jeans and a Red Sox t-shirt. She held her hand back into the living room and handed Emma her bottle of apple juice. Emma clutched it with both hands and tipped it into her mouth, Pankie still fixed in between her fingers and dangling from the bottle as she sucked.

“Stay here,” Regina instructed, and went into the kitchen to the pantry where she kept the canned vegetables. It was the only place in the house Emma wasn’t bound to snoop. She pulled out a new set of crayons and two coloring books from the back that she had purchased earlier that week. The lines inside were thick and the pictures uncomplicated; perfect for Emma’s age. She brought them into the living room where Emma was still sucking down her apple juice excitedly as she waited. When she saw what was in Mama’s hands, she shrieked and ran towards her.

“Oof!” Regina laughed as Emma slammed into her, capturing her in a bear hug before dropping her bottle to grab hold of her presents. She took them to the center of the living room and plopped down on her bottom to lay the books out and inspect the pages and open her new crayon set. “There’s every color you could ever want in that box. I thought you’d like it.”

“Fank you, Mama,” Emma looked back at her and smiled, rummaging through the pages with clumsy hands.

Eyes shining, Regina crouched down next to Emma, and chucked her under the chin. “Hey, remember our game?”

Emma didn’t look up as she answered, too enthralled with the books and colors. “Wif tha tehphone,” she nodded importantly.

“That’s the one. Wanna play some more in a little while?”

“Uh huh,” she answered, scanning through the different pictures to find one she really wanted to color. She picked a page with Big Bird on it and opened the crayon box to find a yellow. She loved yellow, Regina knew.

“And what about my promise? Do you remember that one?”

“Yer gunna answer,” Emma stated dutifully.

“Right. But there’s another one, remember? Mama asked you to think really hard about it, to remember what it is?”

Emma stopped then, and looked back up, brows knitted together as she began chewing the inside of her cheek; a habit that she was prone to when she was nervous or deep in thought. Then she said slowly, “don’t ‘member…”

Regina smiled at her and tucked a strand of wheat-colored hair behind Emma’s ear. “That’s okay, darling. Why don’t you color for a while, and think about it, okay?”

Emma nodded, and Regina got up to reunite with her coffee. She sat on the couch and watched Emma for a little while, completely off in her own little world as she hummed and colored. Taking her phone out, Regina group texted Mary Margaret and Ruby.

**Don’t know what you’re up to today, but I have a toddler here who’d like to meet you.**

It took a few minutes, but then her phone chimed.

**Mary Margaret: Really!? Omg I’m so excited!**

**Ruby: She better still be there when I come over. I don’t want a repeat of last time.**

Regina rolled her eyes.

**Regina: You live two minutes away you big baby. Just come over here.**

Prepping Emma by telling her she was about to have friends come visit, the toddler went and grabbed Fluffy Bear, all her colored pencils, several picture books, and three toy horses that had been on Emma’s desk.

She didn’t seem anxious or excited to have visitors, just prepared herself for their arrival properly as she asked Regina a million questions. What’s their names, did they like PAW Patrol, who was their favorite stuffed animal, were they going to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with Emma, and on and on.

When the doorbell rang, however, she hung back in the living room, sitting quietly and clutching onto Pankie. Regina gave her one last look to assure herself Emma had no intention of getting up and trying her luck with the fire pokers again, and then went to answer the door.

Mary Margaret looked absolutely glowing with anticipation. Her smile scrunched her cheeks up to the point that her eyes nearly closed, and she bounced on her heels with a box in her hand.

“What’s that?” Regina grinned, looking at it.

“Oh!” Mary Margaret pulled it away from her chest and gave it a look as if she had completely forgotten it was there. She handed the brightly colored box that said KINETIC SAND in swirling words to Regina. “You mentioned Emma wanted a sand box, but this is like, ten thousand times better. I figured I’d show it to her. It’s a great developmental tool. Keeps kids fascinated for hours.”

“You’d know,” Ruby rolled her eyes as she leaned in to give Regina a hug. “Where did you get that anyway?”

Regina hugged her back and then brought Mary Margaret in for her own. Mary Margaret looked flustered at the question. “I…bought it…a while back.”

Ruby raised her eyes to her friend, who finally slumped and said in a defeated tone, “okay, so I’ve been kind of excited to meet her.”

Regina laughed and led them into the living room. “She’s pretty excited to have visitors, but also a little scared,” she explained. “Emma and strangers is sort of…”

Ruby made a dismissive noise that Regina heard stuck in her throat as they came within sight of Emma. She was still sitting on the ground, Pankie clutched in her hands. She stared up at Ruby and Mary Margaret with saucer-shaped eyes, her mouth hanging partially open.

“Emma,” Regina called Emma out of her stupor. “This is Ruby and Mary Margaret,” she pointed to each as she recited their names. “These are the friends I told you about. Would you like to show them your new coloring books?”

Emma, who had made sure that all of her most impressive toys were piled around her to impress her visitors, suddenly didn’t seem very interested in showing them anything. She simply stared, shooting a somewhat desperate look Regina’s way. She began rubbing her ear before finally nodding slowly.

The gesture was enough for Mary Margaret to move forward, the eye-eating smile back on her face. “Emma,” she crouched down next to her, and Regina felt a little ache at seeing the two of them together for probably the millionth time but never knowing each other like this before. “I’m so happy to finally meet you.” She hurried with opening the box. “I got something for you. It’s one of my favorite toys ever.”

Emma’s suspicious look morphed into interest as she craned her neck at the colorful box. Mary Margaret made short work of opening it up, and took bright blue and purple sand out of a plastic container. It melted through her fingers and fell on one of the books on the floor, bunching back up into itself like snow. “Go ahead,” Mary Margaret coaxed. “Touch it.”

Emma finally let Pankie fall into her lap, and picked up a chunk of the sand. It ran right through her fingers like water, but became solid again when it hit the book underneath. Emma’s eyebrows shot up and her mouth turned into a perfect o. “Wow!” she looked up at Mary Margaret and giggled.

“Yeah, wow!” Mary Margaret laughed with her. “Here, try some more.” She put a whole handful into Emma’s waiting hands. “Squeeze it.”

Emma did. It turned into a solid ball until she let go, and then it melted back to the floor. Emma squealed and looked up at Mary Margaret gleefully again.

Regina didn’t realize she was smiling too until she felt her cheeks ache. But it was short lived when she realized that Ruby was still standing next to her. She’d been so engrossed in Emma’s reaction to Mary Margaret’s gift that she hadn’t thought to see what was keeping Ruby. But now Mary Margaret also looked up at her, and she too saw that Ruby was standing with her hands crossed against her chest, almost protectively. She had a sad look on her face as she watched.

Mary Margaret smiled at her and held out her hand. “Rubes. Come here,” she said, using a tone that attested to their long friendship, because Ruby seemed to hear something in it that Regina did not. She watched Ruby closely as she came towards her two best friends and crouched down.

“Hey, Em,” she said, giving Emma a cautious smile.

Emma didn’t notice, and she didn’t look Ruby in the eye. She picked a chunk of the sand back up and offered some to Ruby. “Hi. Wassyer name? You can has the bloo ones,” she said, her smiling coloring her voice.

The joy on her face seemed to infect Ruby, who Regina saw smiled back and looked down at the kinetic sand in her hand. “Thanks,” she said. “What’s this?” she pointed to the bear pillow that had been Emma’s Christmas present.

Emma smiled proudly at it. “Fluffy Bawe,” she answered.

Ruby looked up at Regina, and she was startled to see that there were tears threatening Ruby’s eyes. She gave Ruby an understanding smile, and came to sit down with everyone.

“Mama, look!” Emma ran a large amount of the purple kinetic sand through her fingers and let it drop to the floor, eliciting a laugh from Regina. She knelt over and kissed the top of Emma’s head as she gave Ruby another encouraging smile.

Ruby wiped her eyes as Mary Margaret brought a hand up and rubbed up and down her friend’s arm. They shared a look, and Regina saw Mary Margaret give Ruby a knowing beam. It wasn’t until that moment that Regina realized what was causing Ruby to react to Emma this way.

“You okay?” Regina asked softly as Mary Margaret was busy showing Emma a new trick with the sand.

Ruby gave her a smile, and nodded. “Yeah. I guess I didn’t realize what it would be like. She…” Regina waited until Ruby could finish. “…she didn’t know me.”

“She will,” Regina said, bringing Ruby’s hand into her own and squeezing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Father's Day!
> 
> One more chapter left...


	39. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End notes for more sequel news.

Emma was so entranced by the chandelier above their heads that Regina couldn’t get the back of her dress zipped up for her arching her back to stare at it and her otherwise fidgeting about. As she continued to fuss with the stubborn zipper, her Little One was being just as stubborn about standing up straight and squaring her shoulders.

“Baby, will you just stand still.”

“I am standing still,” Emma mumbled as she looked down and slightly twirled the dress that hung to her ankles. It was lilac and went so good with her deep purple heels. In fact, Regina was having a very hard time keeping her head in the game after Emma had put her dress on and Ruby had finished Emma’s hair and makeup. Her golden locks were braided and brought up around her crown, adorned with dark purple flowers to match her shoes. Emma didn’t normally wear a lot of makeup, but the way it was done today, beautiful deep purple eye shadow and just red enough lips, topped off an ensemble that had Regina about to toss Emma into the bride’s dressing room to have her way with her.

But she didn’t want to wrinkle Emma’s dress. She also didn’t want all the fantasies she was having about Emma just then to only last five minutes. And furthermore, it looked like it was going to be a full time job keeping Emma intact.

“You’re fidgeting,” Regina countered, finally taking hold of Emma’s hips and planting her in place. She leaned forward and whispered in Emma’s ear. “Stand up straight and don’t move.” Emma started to huff, but a sharp “hey!” from Regina at the movement it caused forced her to freeze. Regina laughed as Emma yielded and allowed her to finish. When she finally got the zipper up Emma’s back, she smoothed out the dress slowly and leaned in. “What’s got you all anxious? You did everything you needed to do.” Emma had made a huge list weeks ago of all of the tasks that needed to be done before they got to the venue, right down to making sure that the wedding rings were in the pockets of Ruby and David’s best man, James. She’d been checking things off one by one, and she must have recited it all to Regina a thousand times in the last few days. Regina found it adorable how serious Emma was taking her tasks, and helped her out as much as she could. However, her help didn’t seem to assuage Emma’s anxiety.

“It’s not that,” Emma said in a quiet voice as she turned around, prompting Regina to make sure that each and every strand of her hair was out of her face. She smoothed it down and then cupped Emma’s cheek, seeing the worry there.

“Then what?”

She saw Emma suck her cheeks in between her teeth, avoiding answering. But the look on her face told Regina exactly what she was stressing over. Regina raised a brow at her, making it clear that she wasn’t going to drop it.

“What if…?” Emma stopped and took in a deep breath. “What if something happens and I…”

The admission made Regina’s features softened instantly, and she took both of Emma’s cheeks in her hands and leaned in to kiss her. She did so lightly, trying to avoid ruining both of their lipsticks. “Then you can be the flower girl. Honestly, Emma, nothing is going to happen. You will be just fine. But if it does, you know that Ruby, Mary Margaret, and I will be right there making sure everything’s okay. And at no point are you going to ruin Mary Margaret’s perfect day.”

She figured that Emma had been worrying about regressing during the wedding. Though her flashbacks and regressions usually happened in or after sleep, it wasn’t unheard of for her mind to go to those places when she was in high stress situations, and she had worked so hard to make everything perfect for her best friend that she felt it would be murphy’s law to have it ruined by something so outside of her control. Nothing was more high stress than being a maid of honor in a wedding except being the bride, so Emma was on high alert.

Still, Emma calmed at Regina’s words of encouragement, but she didn’t say anything else. She brought a hand up to grab hold of one of Regina’s, and she squeezed their fingers together as she leaned in for another kiss.

“Hey, hey!” Much to Regina’s displeasure, Ruby came into the dressing room and forced the two of them apart. “No kissing! I spent forever on her makeup, so don’t even _think_ about messing it up!”

Regina stepped back, but let out a low growl at the interruption. “One of these days, Ruby, I’m going to put you over my lap and spank that butt until you’re purple and screaming.”

Emma tried to hide her smirk as Ruby gave Regina one of her famous scoffs. “Please. Nobody spanks me. Not even The Queen. Now scoot!” she grabbed hold of Regina’s hips and forced her out of the dressing room. “Go sit down. The ceremony is about to start.”

Regina reluctantly went into the crowded ceremony room to take her seat. She didn’t really know any of the guests save for Zelena and August, who by that point were already well into their pregame drinking, and mostly just being disgusting with one another.

“Bun!” Zelena whispered excitedly in her ear. She was wearing the most incredible emerald green dress that was practically painted onto her hips, and August was having a really hard time keeping his hands off of them. “What’s Emma look like, then? Is she just absolutely sexy in her dress?”

Rolling her eyes, Regina took her seat and forced Zelena to do the same. “Just sit down. It’s about to start. And you two need to stay quiet until the reception.”

“You’re no fun,” Zelena grumbled. “You’re just mad because Emma is smoking hot, and you can’t ravish her right now.” She was slightly slurring her words, and Regina cursed that the venue had an open bar in the middle of the day; Zelena would be insufferable later that evening.

“You took an Uber here, right?” she asked, but Zelena ignore her question, focusing her attention back on August, who looked particularly proud to have her at his side.

Their seats were in the front row, where she would have a perfect view of Emma once the party arrived. Just to the side of where the wedding party would be standing for the ceremony was Killian, who was sitting in his own chair on the stage with a guitar in his lap, a microphone set out in front of him, and sweat dripping down his face. David and Mary Margaret had given him the honor of playing the music for the ceremony, and Regina had learned that he was actually quite a good guitar player. They’d never had many discussions outside of The Scene, therefore it had never come up.

“Oh, he plays beautifully!” Ruby had gushed when Regina looked surprised by the news. “But there’s a reason he’s never talked about it. He’s not very keen on playing for people. Stage fright.”

“Oh, then he’ll be perfect for the wedding. No pressure or anything,” she’d rolled her eyes at Ruby, who shook her head vehemently.

“Don’t jinx him! David really wanted him to play. I don’t think Killian had the heart to tell him how much he hates playing in front of people. He wanted to do something nice for them. Anyway, he’s been practicing until his fingers have bled. He’ll be fine.”

Now as Regina looked at him, he kept taking huge drinks of the bottled water at his feet, and then sweating it out immediately. Poor Killian, she thought. She wasn’t used to feeling bad for him, because he always came off as such a lovably cocky jerk, but here outside of The Scene he was not in his own element. She was starting to realize that he was really kind of quiet and shy. The more she thought about that, the less surprised it made her. There were plenty of shy Doms that used Playing to get out of their shell.

Killian swallowed for the thousandth time and started tugging on his collar. He looked at Regina and gave her a pleading eye.  “Regina...can you fix my bowtie, love?” he croaked.

It wasn’t until he’d mentioned it that she saw how crooked it was. She chuckled and got up from her chair. As she untied it, she tutted at him. “Don’t pull on your collar anymore. You’ll just loosen it again.”

“Sure. Alright,” he nodded, clearly not hearing her advice as he was so distracted.

When she finished, she put her hand on his shoulder and smiled. “Relax. You’re going to be amazing. Besides, everyone’s going to be focused on the girls in their dresses.”

At the mention, Killian finally gave Regina his usual lopsided grin, and he raised his eyebrow. “How good does she look?”

Knowing he was asking after Ruby, Regina leaned back in and whispered in his ear: “Just try to contain yourself long enough to play, hm?”

This time when he swallowed, it was with a devilish grin on his face, and Regina winked at him before taking her seat again.

She really shouldn’t have jinxed herself by teasing him. As he started playing, and the bride’s maids came down the aisle, Regina was floored by the emotions it brought out in her. It was easy to watch Jasmine be led up by her partner. Easy to watch David coming with a proud look on his face, always confident and never intimidated by the situation. Easy to watch Ruby being led in by James, even as she winked at her and Zelena. But when she saw Emma…

Seeing Emma in that dress was one thing; she’d been seeing her in it for several hours in the back as they had all prepared for the ceremony. Watching her walk arm to arm with a stranger was unsettling, but easy to ignore. Because everything else was making Regina’s heart pound in her chest: the music, the venue, the eyes on her, her dress, her hair and makeup, and the way she walked down the aisle and never once broke eye contact with Regina…

No one had the power of taking the breath right out of her like Emma did. It was a gift absolutely all her own. She was so stunning, she was stunning.

Once Emma took her place on the stage, Regina had to bite her lip and look down briefly to compose herself. The whirl of emotions was almost too much. When she looked back up, Emma had not once taken her eyes off of Regina, and she had a wistful little smile that sent her heart flying.

Regina didn’t even notice when the song changed, David’s grin widened, and Mary Margaret started down the aisle. She barely noticed Emma ripping her eyes away to give attention to the ceremony at hand. She didn’t notice that Ruby was having a hard time keeping her emotions in check. She didn’t hear a word that the ordained minister said in his speech. David and Mary Margaret’s vows barely registered in her head. The silence of the guitar went unobserved.

All she could see was Emma.

“You gunna pick your jaw up off the floor at some point?” The barely audible whisper in Regina’s ear nearly made her jump out of her chair, and she started, turning to glare at her sister as she composed herself.

“Shut up,” she hissed back as quietly as she could. “This is a wedding. Behave yourself just this once.”

“Oh please,” Zelena taunted. “We both know this isn’t the wedding you’re thinking about right now.”

Regina shot her sister the filthiest look she could muster, and then scooted to put her back towards Zelena. Sitting up straight, she put in a huge effort to follow every word being said. But as she did, she and Emma locked eyes again. Her head blanked once more, and the speech didn’t register in her mind. She winked and Emma blushed, making Regina completely forget her annoyance towards her sister.

***

“You know, I’m not a very mushy person,” Zelena said as she raised her champagne glass to the group. “But fuck, that wedding was gorgeous.” Everyone laughed and followed her in a toast.

The ceremony was over, and the reception was moved to the outdoor area, where Emma couldn’t help but feel she had been thrown right in the middle of a fairy tale. Beautiful willow trees were surrounding them on the patio, and above their heads were a hundred dimly lit lamps strung up to create a ceiling of twinkling lights below the setting sun. Everything had turned out alright, and Emma could finally relax a little bit and enjoy her evening. She felt strange at the sudden ease that had come over her. She had been so focused on making sure that the ceremony went well, it hadn’t occur to her that there would be a point in the evening when she could just relax. But there wasn’t a thing to do now except enjoy herself, eat some good food (and cake), and spend time with her friends.

Even the dinner had gone well. Emma wasn’t one for public speaking, so when she and Ruby got up together to make their speech, Emma let Ruby take the reins. She always shone in those situations, and of course, she was so charismatic that it was barely noticed that Emma had only said a few words.

“We did it,” Ruby sighed as she sat back. She brought a hand up to Emma’s head and patted it affectionately as she smiled at her.

Emma chuckled. “We didn’t do anything. Mary Margaret’s the one who got married.”

“Didn’t do anything?” Ruby sat up straight and leaned into Emma, giving her an incredulous stare. “You kicked absolute ass getting everything together. You did way more than I did, anyway.”

It was Emma’s turn to look at Ruby incredulously. “You did all of our hair and makeup, you put the bridal shower and the bachelorette party together…”

“Yeah, but you,” Ruby cut in and began ticking points off on her fingers. “Picked up the rings, made sure all the flowers went where they needed to go, arranged the tables, got the playlist to the deejay…”

“You both did an amazing job,” Mary Margaret cut in as she approached the table and stood over them. She and David were making the rounds to all of their guests, and had finally reached the table where they didn’t have to play properly polite hosts. “I would have been six feet under by now if it weren’t for you two. Thanks for everything,” she leaned down and gave both of them a kiss on their cheek.

David leaned down and did the same. When he got to Emma, he whispered: “thanks, kid. I’m gunna miss meatloaf night with you.”

“Why?” Ruby scoffed as he pulled away. “We are still gunna have our Monday night dinners, right?”

“We haven’t been,” David said in a playfully accusing tone.

Despite their joking around, Emma felt a little lump in her throat. Everything had been so crazy for so long that Monday dinners had fallen to the wayside. It was harder to get together with everyone now that they weren’t all living with one another. Aside from that, they had all been so busy planning for the wedding, and Emma had had so many things happening recently that when she looked back, her life was practically unrecognizable from just months before.

“I think that’s exactly what we need to do,” Regina interjected. She was sitting on the other side of Emma, enjoying her champagne, a hand lazily resting on Emma’s thigh. “Once the two of you get back from your honeymoon, we should reinstate some traditions around here.”

“Yes!” Mary Margaret gushed. She grabbed onto David’s arm in her excitement, causing him to smile down at her. The look he gave her was that same warm smile that always put Emma at ease: no matter what was happening in her own life, she could rest easy that Mary Margaret was well taken care of. She’d found her true love, and he was so good to her. She smiled to herself at the thought.

Ruby caught Emma’s attention by shrieking in excitement at the idea. “We need to commit to this!” she exclaimed. “Dinner and a movie or game night.”

“Still Mondays?” Emma asked, looking at her friends for confirmation. She honestly didn’t care what night it was; the idea that they would all be getting back together at a set time every week sounded like a slice of heaven had been dropped into her lap.

The group looked around at each other, and Mary Margaret squealed again as a thought occurred to her. “Look at all the new people joining too!” she gestured to the table. “It’s enough for a potluck.”

Zelena laughed. “I’ll bring a box of Pop-Tarts every week.”

“I’ll bring the toaster,” August said as he scratched the back of Zelena’s neck lightly.

Zelena rolled her eyes in a good natured way, and nodded at him. “Yes love, you will be my adorable date. And Killian can be Ruby’s,” she said to Killian, who gave his lopsided grin as he looked at his date. “Our little lost puppies always nipping at our heels.”

Ruby and Zelena got a good laugh out of that while August and Killian shared a smile full of comradery. Emma was sure that the two of them regularly had to team up to talk about their woes of being with two beautiful women who weren’t one hundred percent emotionally attached. Zelena was more so than Ruby, she knew. However, she was also aware that Zelena had such a wild spirit about her, that while she cared for August, she wasn’t exactly the type to settle down with anyone either.

“It’s how she grew up,” Regina had explained to her once. “So far away from her family, committed to her studies, creating chaos with her friends, and she saw my parents in this legal relationship that they had no passion for. I think all of that combined really left a bad taste in her mouth for any type of romantic ideology.”

“But she likes August…right?” Emma had asked nervously, feeling a strange protectiveness for the man who drove her insane but would also take a bullet for her and her for him. She knew August had feelings for Zelena that bordered on being completely starstruck. He had made it clear by so many words and actions that he felt completely out of his league with Zelena, but was also willing to ride it out as long as luck would allow him.

“Oh, god yes!” Regina had laughed. “Despite all of that, Zelena has a huge heart. I think she cares deeply for him. But…I don’t think she has any intention of tethering herself to anyone. Ever.”

Emma considered all she knew about Zelena, and figured that Regina was probably right. While Zelena committed to spending a lot of time with August, she doubted that meant that Zelena was fantasizing about the two of them growing old together. And quite honestly, she doubted August had those intentions either. Because if she knew another thing about Zelena, it was that she was brutally honest. She doubted that at any point, Zelena was leading August to believe that what they had was anything more than she had intentions for.

All of that aside, sitting at the table with all of them now, it was hard to imagine that this little happy bubble Emma found herself in could be popped.

As Emma took a sip of her champagne, Killian blurted out, “So, when’s it your turn to do all of this, Swan?”

The question made Emma choke on her drink, which was particularly uncomfortable since it had so many bubbles. Her nose burned as she coughed, and she felt Regina pat and rub her back. “Arms up,” she ordered, guiding Emma’s arms as she did what she was told. It opened up her airways just enough to get everything flowing to a tolerable degree, and she breathed again.

“Jesus, Killian,” Ruby laughed as she bit into her olive from her martini. “Could you try not to kill Emma? I’m sort of attached to her.”

But Killian was too busy laughing hard enough to cry at Emma’s reaction, along with David, James, and August.

“Ah, she’s fine,” August jumped in. “What’s the matter, kid? Too choked up to answer?”

“Alright,” Regina’s voice cut through everyone’s laughter, and like magic, her dominance managed to subdue the entire group. “That’s enough torturing her, please.”

Emma, feeling her throat and cheeks burning all at the same time, kept her arms up and her head down for a long while, avoiding making any eye contact with anyone. What the hell was she supposed to say to a question like that, in front of everyone no less? When nobody was getting over how funny the joke was, Emma started to kick herself for thinking that her perfect little bubble couldn’t be popped. She’d jinxed herself.

And that’s exactly when Regina put her hand out and gave Emma a smile. “Will you dance with me, love?” she asked.

Regina’s Mama Magic was spot on, recognizing Emma’s need to escape the situation. Emma sighed heavily at Regina’s calming voice, and nodding her head, she answered “Absolutely,” as she shot their friends narrow eyes while the two of them left the table.

As she and Regina walked onto the dance floor hand in hand, she heard Regina chuckling. Turning towards each other, Emma was about to put her hand on Regina’s waist, when she got a cocked eyebrow thrown her way. Huffing, Emma rolled her eyes. “Aw, come on! Just once!”

Regina broke out into a smile, and she laughed. “Fine,” she said, and placed a hand on Emma’s shoulder, allowing Emma to lead and set them into the rhythm of the song. “They’d tease you a lot less if you didn’t show how much it affected you, you know,” she pointed out.

Emma shrugged in response. “Subtly has never been my strong suite.”

Another laugh escaped Regina, and she squeezed Emma’s hand that was still in hers. “That is not something you needed to point out to me.”

“You look beautiful,” Emma blurted out, face turned serious, eyes showing just how genuine the remark was. She did. Regina was wearing an Egyptian blue cocktail dress, her curls twisted in bobby pins. Emma could take her in all forms: just waking up, sweating and face aglow after a jog, panting underneath her with fiery eyes, or here with perfect makeup and a smile only Emma recognized as belonging to her.

It took a moment for Regina to answer, and Emma saw that she was actually struggling to find words. “To say that back to you…would be the understatement of the century.”

Emma felt herself blushing, and she looked down at their feet, moving steadily with the song. Emma felt Regina washing her. She peeked up at Regina through her lashes, taking in the way the light of the outdoor lamps lit her hair ablaze in dark auburn as the sun went down.

“Do you…want this one day?” Regina asked.

***

Emma cocked her head at her in question. “This?”

“You know, an incredible venue, friends gathered, vows, a dress you will no doubt look stunning in.” Regina watched Emma’s features carefully. Emma’s expressions always told her so much more than her words did. And this was no exception; Emma looked surprised for a second, until bewilderment finally took over. Before she said a word, Regina already knew the answer. It was the same answer she always had when she was asked what she wanted.

“Um…I don’t know,” Emma pursed her lips, deep thoughts clouding her eyes. “I’ve uh…never…”

“Thought about it before,” Regina interjected. “Yes. I figured.” It was quiet for a moment until she added, “Emma, what do I always tell you?”

Emma was chewing on her inner cheeks, the telltale signs of nerves, but she released them as she answered. “That I’m loved.”

Smiling, Regina said kindly, “yes, you are. But I also tell you that your opinion of yourself doesn’t match your reality. You deserve this. If you want it, of course,” she shrugged, looking around her.

Instead of answering, Emma sighed and leaned in until they were holding each other close as they slowly danced. Their cheeks met, and Regina could feel the lightest tickle against her ear as Emma breathed near it. “Do you want it?” she asked after a while.

Regina felt herself smiling, and she tilted her head down, kissing Emma’s bare shoulder. “All I want,” she whispered into Emma’s ear. “Is you. Whatever that looks like, I don’t care. As long as you’re a part of it, it can be us signing papers and sending them in the mail, or a wedding in a castle. It makes no difference to me. But…” she pulled apart just enough so that they were facing each other, and she brought a hand up to Emma’s cheek, tenderly stroking Emma’s skin with her thumb. “…seeing you walking down that aisle, in this dress…Emma, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more love for anything than I did for you in that moment.”

Emma looked as if she’d forgotten how to breathe. Regina saw the telltale signs of her emotions getting the better of her, eyes misting, throat constricting, lips trembling. To avoid her own tears spilling down, Regina smiled at her and brought them back into a close embrace. As their cheeks touched, she turned to place a chaste kiss against Emma’s skin. “I love you, Little One,” she murmured.

“I love you too.” As Emma answered, Regina felt her arm squeeze around Regina’s waist just a little tighter.

By the end of the night, everyone was giddy, exhausted from dancing, tipsy from champagne, and full of that sappy romanticism that comes over people during weddings. And Emma, to Regina’s immense pleasure, was looking light as a feather now that the responsibility of the wedding planning was off her shoulders. As they drove home, Regina perfectly safe to drive after consuming much less than the rest of their group, held Emma’s hand above the clutch.

After spending some time looking out the window and watching the buildings go by, Emma finally turned to her. “I think I’m gunna do it.” Regina gave her sideways, signaling for Emma to elaborate. “The private investigation gig,” she explained. “I think it’s a good idea.”

Smiling, Regina nodded. “I think if you were going to start that business, there aren’t three better people to do it. Graham’s contacts in the force should really help, August is a bull shark, and your skills will be an incredible asset.”

Emma gave her a lopsided grin. “Yeah. It also sounds really cool. Less total losers and more figuring out mysteries, ya know?”

Turning onto their street, Regina gripped Emma’s hand, and in return, she felt Emma caress her palm with a finger. She felt her heart flutter at the gesture; Emma usually did that in public when the two of them shared a secret moment of lust.

“You looked incredible tonight.” Emma’s tone had changed completely from conversational to a low husk that Regina recognized. It set her stomach on fire as she hid a smirk. “Did I tell you that?”

“Several times,” Regina teased.

Emma’s hand let go of hers to drag up Regina’s bare arm. Her fingers gave feather touches, making Regina’s skin break out in goosebumps. She stepped on the gas to hurry into their parking lot.

Once the elevator door closed, Emma pressed herself against Regina. They hit the wall as Regina’s mouth was consumed by Emma’s hot lips. She gave a short cry of surprise that melted into a moan against Emma’s skin, but before either of them could take it further, they reached the tenth floor and the door opened.

An elderly couple were standing at the entryway. They had been about to step inside the elevator, when the sight in front of them made them freeze on the spot. Regina and Emma pulled away immediately, and though she saw Emma’s cheeks turn crimson, neither of them could help nearly bursting out in laughter.

“Sorry…” Emma mumbled as they exited the elevator quickly. Neither of them even dared to look behind them as they started down the hall. The moment she heard the elevator door close, Regina burst out laughing. Emma followed suite, and Regina grabbed a hold of her girlfriend’s hand to pull her into the house.

“You,” she chided as she pulled Emma against her. “Are a nuisance to the neighborhood.” She captured Emma’s lips, and the softness there nearly melted her entire body. Where the goosebumps used to be, Regina could feel fire nearly overtake the entirety of her flesh.

“Then punish me,” Emma gasped against her.

The words ignited a spark in Regina that caused her to drop her handbag to the ground. She roughly grabbed Emma’s and threw it down as well, taking hold of Emma’s hips and pivoting her up against the wall. Emma let out a breath that sent electricity to Regina’s core. Still, she kept her composure as she lifted her chin and stared at Emma with black, animalistic eyes. “Careful, Little One,” she crooned. “You know better than to test me.”

Her words sent Emma whining against her, pelvis thrusting forward to try and cause friction between her core and Regina’s leg. She allowed it, pressing her thigh up where she could feel the heat there despite the far too many clothes between them. She leaned forward and whispered against Emma’s ear. “I hate to say this, but let’s take off that pretty dress. We don’t want to have to pay for the damages, do we?”

Emma only answered with a groan, pressing herself more firmly against Regina, who receded from the touch. It made Emma let out a tiny squeal of indigence, and Regina answered by smacking a hand down against the side of Emma’s rump. A sharp intake of breath sent a shiver down Regina’s spine, but she tried not to let it show. She didn’t want it to be obvious the effect dominating Emma had on her. This was always such a struggle for Regina, but the payoff was unbelievably satisfying. To hide the clear arousal in her eyes, Regina leaned forward again. “No tantrums. Do you understand?”

Emma wiggled underneath her and set her face. Regina smirked to herself; ah…so it was going to be one of those nights. Emma was going to challenge her, was going to make her work for it. And that meant that when she finally did submit, she was going to be a blubbering mess underneath Regina’s practiced hand. Delight shot through her at the prospect.

In response to Emma’s brooding, she drew away immediately, and forced Emma to spin around. The palms of her hands hit the wall and stayed there as Regina pulled the zipper of the dress down much less carefully than when she had zipped Emma up earlier. The dress fell down her body, becoming a pool of fabric on the floor, and Regina pressed herself against Emma, bringing and hand around to grasp Emma’s sex with a firm but caring hand.

This time, she couldn’t help letting the shutter that overtook her body become obvious. The sensation of the heat against her hand, accompanied by the sticky fabric as Emma’s arousal pooled in her G-string, and the noise that came out of Emma was nearly enough to make her knees buckle from under her. Instead, she had to make sure that she not only held herself up, but Emma, who had almost buckled herself at the possessive touch.

“Mm,” Regina hummed against the shell of Emma’s ear as she rubbed feather touches against the fabric just at Emma’s clit with a single finger. Emma let out a cry that was half arousal, half petulant. Just as she tried to close her legs around Regina’s hand, it was taken away. “Be a good girl now,” Regina whispered.

But Emma was having none of it. She nearly wailed at the absence of the hand, and pressed her hips back against Regina’s. She tried to turn around, but Regina held her again, one hand encircling Emma’s waist, the other against one of the cheeks of her bare butt. She pinched it slightly. “Emma…” she warned, a low growl accompanying the word in the voice of The Queen. “Strike two,” she announced, an upturn at the last word.

A stomp of a heeled foot sealed Emma’s fate, and Regina grabbed hold of Emma’s arms and spun her around. Emma’s eyes were nearly black, her breathing coming out in pants as if she’d been being teased for hours, and the glow in her cheeks making Regina nearly break her resolve. She kept hold of one arm and grabbed hold of Emma’s chin with the other hand, forcing their noses an inch apart. “Take them off. Now,” she commanded.

Emma’s eyes flickered with betrayal at her excitement, and without looking down, Regina felt her fidget with her feet until she finally sunk lower to the ground. She lost several inches in height as she stepped out of her heels, the result being that Regina towered over her. The comparison didn’t last long, however, because Regina wasn’t in the mood to dawdle. She took Emma by the arm again and brought them into the living room, where she stood Emma in front of one of the arms of the couch and came up behind her. The pressure of her body forced Emma forward, and soon, she was sprawled out against the arm rest of the couch, her butt so exposed that it was all Regina could to not to lose all of her composure and make love to Emma right there.

Instead, she leaned forward and grabbed hold of Emma’s hips, forcing her to jut her cheeks out even further. She heard Emma groan, and saw that she was attempted to gain friction against her clit from the arm rest.

Taking a little pity on her, Regina brought a hand in between Emma’s legs from behind. Emma spread them immediately, allowing Regina full access. The wetness that had seeped through Emma’s G-string was enough to make Regina’s mind go blank with need. Holding in the moan that threatened to escape her, she leaned forward so she could whisper: “You could have had your clit in my mouth by now, if you hadn’t tried to throw a fit,” she said, her voice sickly sweet. Emma tucked her head down and let out a frustrated yell as she tried to pull herself up. Instead of succeeding, it prompted Regina to reluctantly pull her hand away from the calling of Emma’s hot pussy and instead come crashing down against the bare cheek of her butt.

Emma forgot trying to right herself and slumped forward, letting out a cry that pierced the air. It tapered into pitiful whimpers as she ground her hips down against the arm rest with unashamed abandon. Regina waited a moment so Emma could gain a little bit of composure, caressing the now angry flesh of Emma’s ass with the same hand that had come down on it. As she smoothed over the skin, she allowed her fingers to venture back in between Emma’s legs, following the G-string that rode down in between Emma’s cheeks. She felt Emma’s breath hitch as her fingers brushed against her puckered hole, and her hips ground down harder on the arm rest. Swallowing her arousal, Regina kept going until she felt the lips of Emma’s sex, and she caressed them, Emma’s juices gliding against their skin.

Emma said something against the mattress that her face was pressed against in such a tiny voice that it was hard to hear. It sounded like “oh god”, and Regina felt pressure on her hand from Emma’s legs closing.

Regina kept her hand where it was, and used the other to crack down on Emma’s butt again. Emma’s face came away from the cushion, and she cried out into the air, her legs gripping Regina’s hand like a vise. Regina managed to slide her fingers under Emma’s G-string to finally come in contact with Emma’s waiting bud. It was so swollen that she could grasp it with two fingers, and she dipped them down to gather more wetness to come back up and massage it.

The sound that escaped Emma was one that Regina rarely had the pleasure of hearing. It only let itself be heard when Emma really lost all inhibitions, when she fully submitted to Regina and the moment. And that’s when Regina knew she had a fine line to walk; give Emma the pleasure she so desired without allowing herself to fall off that edge. These were the moments when her protectiveness over Emma really mattered, when she really needed to keep her safe.

With that thought in mind, she circled Emma’s clit with two fingers, pressing firmly as it was clearly needed. At the same time, her other hand came crashing back down against Emma’s already red ass cheek. Emma started to shake, and a continuous chant of “yeah, yeah” escaped her lips as she humped against Regina’s other hand.

She was too far gone. And as much as that excited Regina, she couldn’t stop herself from checking on her. “Emma,” she called.

No answer. Emma continued chanting, continued gyrating against Regina’s fingers. So Regina stopped her ministrations and barked out her name again to try and cut through Emma’s lost mind.

“Oh fuck…” once she realized what was happening, Emma looked behind her. When their eyes met, Regina had to bite back her gasp. Emma’s were nearly black with desire, her cheeks burning in that color that made a jolt of pleasure course through Regina’s core.

But the contact also made Emma come back to herself a little bit, and through her short pants, she gave Regina a reassuring smile. It made that jolt of pleasure bleed through the rest of Regina’s body until her veins felt completely alive with it, until it hit her chest and forced out a noise she didn’t even know she could make. She leaned down to kiss Emma’s spine, tenderly rubbing at the small of her back with the previous offending hand. “You’re so beautiful,” she murmured against the porcelain skin glistening with sweat. “Are you sorry, baby?” she asked in a doting voice.

Emma only moaned in response, eyes flickering with her want.

“You know you should listen to Mommy, don’t you?”

The closing of legs around her hand was her only answer.

“But you don’t listen,” Regina mused, standing herself upright and trailing a finger over Emma’s back. She began to pull her hand away from Emma’s heated core, and a cry escaped from the body under her.

“No…” Emma whimpered, but was shut up quickly by a smack against her butt again. Hiding her face back into the mattress, Emma released a muffled cry, but Regina didn’t waver.

Instead, she guided Emma back up on her feet. By this point, Emma was a sniffling mess in her arms. She pressed herself against Regina with lust-filled eyes and went in for a kiss. Regina pulled away quickly to not be caught up in it, and instead brought a hand up to capture Emma’s jaw. “You’re still not listening,” she whispered so close to Emma’s lips that they almost brushed against one another. “Emma,” she called, watching for some sort of sensibility to be brought back to those dark eyes. When Emma looked back and seemed to calm under the gaze, Regina smiled at her, taking her hand. “Come.”

She guided Emma down the hallway, Emma clasping both of her own hands around Regina’s. When they reached the bedroom, Regina turned around to face her, and brought Emma into a kiss.

Emma immediately responded, but tried to deepen it, something that Regina was not having. She pulled away, and ignored Emma’s protesting whimper. “Undress me, baby,” she ordered softly.

Emma blinked before hurriedly composing herself to turn Regina around and unzip her dress. As she did, Regina stepped out of her heels, finally at level with Emma’s height. When her dress fell down to the floor, Regina stepped out of it and turned back to face her lover, whose body was still trembling pleasantly from her punishment. Smiling, Regina came forward and put her hands in Emma’s hair. The braids were still around her crown, but as beautiful as it was, Regina wanted to see that hair falling down around Emma’s shoulders. She pulled at a few bobby pins until the braids came loose, and she tangled her hands into them to smooth out the locks.

She took a moment to observe her handiwork; glowing skin, lust-filled eyes, and wavy wheat-colored hair just waiting to have Regina’s hands tangled in it. A flash of Emma walking down the aisle come into Regina’s mind, and a sudden emotion surprised her, nearly knocked her to the floor right there. She loved this woman so completely. When Emma was in her adult mindset, Regina was filled with yearning and lust for her, when she was Little, Regina felt fulfilled by caring for her needs, and when Emma regressed, Regina was consumed by an overpowering sense to protect and nurture her. All of those feelings didn’t even begin to describe the range of emotions Regina experienced when it came to Emma, and as she looked at Emma now, she couldn’t help but surge forward and pull Emma against her. She entangled Emma in her arms as if she desperately needed to hold her. And Emma didn’t complain. Their bodies melted together as their lips molded into one, Regina grabbing a firmer hold on Emma’s body and lifting her to toss her on the bed.

Emma laughed as she fell against the mattress, her arms outstretched to catch Regina as she fell with her. Regina wasted no time grabbing hold of those lips again, and she hungrily kissed Emma until both of them were out of breath. As she pulled away, Emma was smiling at her with swollen lips and flushed cheeks. This was Regina’s favorite look: Emma under her, face aglow with anticipation, waiting to be taken. It inspired Regina to pull away just long enough to pull Emma’s G-string down her legs and toss them carelessly behind her. She went back to where she belonged in Emma’s arms and kissed her once more. Emma laughed again as she pulled them apart, twisting her fingers into Regina’s hair and tugging lightly.

“What’s gotten into you?” Emma teased as she gave Regina a lopsided grin and raised one eyebrow.

Regina blinked, catching a little breath, and realized that she had been so enraptured in what she was doing, she had forgotten that they had been Playing. It had to have been clear to Emma, who wouldn’t have asked such a question if she were still in submission mode. She’d recognized the shift in Regina’s mood before Regina had noticed it herself. The thought made her smile, and she licked her lips as she brought a hand up to tuck a lock of blonde hair behind Emma’s ear. “I was just thinking,” she whispered, “about how beautiful you look tonight.”

Emma’s blush deepened, and her features softened as she smiled back. “It never compares to you,” she replied. Before she had even finished the sentence, Regina was shaking her head in protest.

“You never give yourself enough credit. You are absolutely stunning. You’re my everything,” she murmured as she leaned down to kiss Emma again. This time, it was soft and slow. She tasted Emma against her tongue, sweet as always with just a touch of champagne. She felt Emma’s legs wrap around her middle, and the two of them tangled into one another, Emma’s arms hugging her neck as her hand traveled back to where Emma was waiting for her. The moment her fingers touched the swollen, wet folds, Emma let out a beautiful cry next to her ear, encouraging Regina to press a single finger inside.

Her digit was immediately clamped in satin walls as she bent it to rub against Emma’s spongy core. The feeling of touching Emma here was indescribable, but the moan she released tried anyway. “My everything…” she whispered again in the shell of Emma’s ear as she pulled out to pump the finger back in. “I love you…”

Emma whimpered as her body trembled underneath Regina. She rolled her hips up to meet Regina’s finger, one of her arms unwrapping from Regina’s neck to come down in between them. Their arms brushed against one another as Emma found her way into Regina’s panties.

Regina released a surprised gasp when she felt fingers gather her wetness and rub against her opening. She’d been so focused on Emma that she hadn’t paid any attention to what her own body had been feeling. But now that Emma was touching her, everything came alive. Her core was aching to the point of pain, begging for Emma to release the tension there. Her clit was pulsing, screaming to be touched. She was soaked, her juices trickling down the inside of her thighs, captured in the fingers promising to make her fiery skin release in pleasure. The sensation had been so unexpected that her own finger had stilled inside of Emma, and she tried to snap out of it to continue her steady rhythm.

But then Emma leaned in to whisper into the shell of her ear, and in the most incredible voice, she husked: “I love you,” and plunged two fingers deep inside Regina’s aching core.

Regina’s jaw dropped in a moment of pure bliss. She wanted to moan out her pleasure, but had no breath left in her lungs to do it. She gasped in a breath that came rushing back out of her before she meant for it to leave, and her walls desperately clasped around Emma’s fingers, willing them to stay. They curled slightly before pulling back out and slamming back in.

“Oh fuck…Emma…” Regina’s head dropped to Emma’s shoulder. Her legs began shaking so hard that she was worried she’d fall on top of her lover’s body. But she willed all of her strength to keep herself upright, clenching around the source of her pleasure. Regina came back to herself enough to return the gesture, and as she pulled out, she added another finger to dive back into Emma’s velvety walls.

The tight ring of Emma’s entrance felt incredible snapping around her knuckles. Emma whimpered into the skin of Regina’s neck, and as she pulled out, she rolled her hips to meet Emma’s fingers inside her. They began to rock in unison, hips coming to meet penetrating hands, foreheads pressed together as they panted against each other’s lips. Regina felt as if she were performing a perfect dance, clasping loving fingers that threatened to throw her over the edge as she rubbed her own against smooth walls. Every part of Emma felt flawless, every inch that was touching Regina’s body keeping her basked in incredible pleasure. She felt the buildup start in her stomach, prompting her to grip Emma’s fingers even tighter.

Emma must have felt it too, because her eyes somehow became wider, and when she pulled out of Regina, more of her thrust back in. Regina threw her head back at the addition of a third finger stretching her walls. It was the perfect response to her growing bliss. After she and Emma regained their rhythm, she brought the heel of her palm down against Emma’s clit each time she pushed inside Emma to the knuckles.

Emma’s free hand gripped a tuft of Regina’s hair, and pulled her down for a rough kiss. Regina’s body responded to the sudden dominance with surprising desire; the already lit flame in her tummy burned brighter, and as their lips pressed together, Regina growled against them. They unlatched from each other so that they could breathe, quick rough pants trying to catch up with the building of their lovemaking.

“Just like that,” Emma groaned next to Regina’s cheek. “Fuck me just like that.” As if those words didn’t already drive Regina crazy, Emma finished it off by nipping at her earlobe. “R’gina…”

She was right on the edge. Her whole body was tense with the want of it. With the absolute desperation to release how unbelievable touching and hearing Emma was making her feel. The nearly closed walls that threatened to break her fingers told her Emma was there too, teetering on the brink of her buildup. Her hips were slamming down against the source of her pleasure now, too far gone to allow a steady rhythm anymore. She was so close to coming that she was releasing tiny pleas against Emma’s collar bone.

“Oh fuck, I’m gunna come,” Emma cried into her ear, the most unbelievable pleading coloring every word. The sound of it forced a desperate moan out of Regina as she ground her palm down against Emma’s clit and rubbed roughly against the spongy flesh deep inside her partner.

Emma’s body arched, freezing. As it did, she gripped Regina’s pussy in her hand, allowing Regina to slam down against it so perfectly that she felt her buildup reach its peak. Both bodies stilled, muscles clenching in that moment of absolute silence before their release took over their senses.

The orgasm that hit her felt like it would break her in two. She buried her face in Emma’s neck, mouth agape in pleasure so intense that she had no control. She felt her walls break wide open as she soaked Emma’s knuckles, hand, her own legs. At the same moment, Emma’s cries were vibrating through her chest and right into Regina’s heart. She felt a splash of beautiful warmth coat her palm as Emma bucked against it, sending another wave of pleasure through Regina’s body. As a second orgasm ripped through her, Regina brought the hand that had been inside Emma up to her own opening, pulling Emma’s hand away and forcing it against the mattress. They gripped their fingers together as Regina pressed her mound against Emma’s.

“Oh!” Emma hugged Regina impossibly closer, legs wrapping around Regina’s middle and the heels of her feet pressing into the back of Regina’s thighs to force her to grind down harder. And she did, over and over as they rode out their orgasms together. Completely tangled up in one another, they thrust against the other’s body until their orgasms slowly bled out of them. Regina pumped against Emma with several forceful thrusts before finally collapsing against her, spent.

They lay there for a long time, catching their breaths. Regina’s face was still buried in Emma’s neck, and she trailed lazy kisses down Emma’s shoulder and back up to her jawline as Emma rubbed her back with feather touches. She felt Emma turn her head and kiss her temple, making Regina sigh and nuzzle back into the crook of Emma’s neck.

It took her a moment to realize the position she was in; laying on top of Emma, being held by her. It happened so rarely that she was the one being held that it sent a pulse of deep love through her chest. Nobody had the power to tear through her dominant walls like Emma did. As much as she loved topping Emma, being held by her was a special thing all on its own. And the best part was that Emma never took it for granted. A hand came up to cradle the back of Regina’s head as Emma turned and kissed her temple again.

“You’re my everything too,” she murmured.

Regina smiled to herself, her hand rubbing against Emma’s chest, her leg draped around Emma’s middle. She sighed and closed her eyes, smelling the sweet scent of their lovemaking. Before she knew it, it carried her down until she was fast asleep.

***

The room had a wonderful breeze to it when Emma woke. They had cracked one of the windows open, and without the sun out to bake everything it touched, cool gusts of air hit Emma’s naked skin and brushed through the dark curls of Regina’s hair. Emma watched it slightly move as Regina slept, bare olive skin practically glowing with the first rays of dawn peeking through the skyline of the city. It traveled into their window at a snail’s pace, Regina’s even breathing the only sound she could hear.

Smiling, Emma gently crept out of bed. She wanted to make the coffee for a change; a little surprise she could bring to Regina when she woke. Yesterday had been perfect. Last night had been perfect. The telltale signs of their lovemaking still buzzed through Emma’s body as she tiptoed into the kitchen in nothing on but her boy shorts.

Their belongings were strewn around the entryway from their hasty entrance the night before, high heels and handbags littered on the hardwood floor. They hadn’t had cleanliness on their minds when they’d come through the door, and Emma felt a glowing in her tummy at the memory of them rushing to the couch. As she added ground beans and water to the coffee maker, she heard both of their phones buzzing from the floor by their front door, and went to grab them. A small part of her mind was hoping for texts from everyone saying they made it home okay.

Sure enough, Zelena had texted both she and Regina that her and Ruby were home safe. Emma also had a text from Anna that read:

**Hope you’re having fun tonight! Yay weddings! Let’s beg our mamas to take us to the park next weekend. See you soon! xoxo**

As she sifted through, she saw that Ruby had sent a text message to Regina that read:

**Holy shit. Cuteness overload!!! Did you show this to Emma? This is so her!**

Curious, Emma opened the message and saw that before it, Regina had sent Ruby a video. The screen caption was of her, but she didn’t recognize what she was doing.

Before she had a chance to do anything else, the coffee pot beeped, and Emma put the phones down to get Regina’s mug ready with just the right amount of cream she liked. Once she was done getting both of their mugs poured, she grabbed their phones and headed into the bedroom. Regina was still sleeping soundly on her stomach, face bronze and rosy against the pillow, and Emma couldn’t help but feel like the color she saw there was an afterglow of the night before.

She put Regina’s mug on her bedside table, and then leaned into her, kissing her temple. Regina stirred, moaning. She shifted against the mattress to curl closer to the source of the affection, and Emma came back to sit next to her on the bed. As Regina came to, Emma pet her hair, smiling down at Regina as her eyes opened. She gave Emma her own sleepy smile. “Hey baby,” she whispered lazily as she stretched and nuzzled back into her pillow.

“Morning,” Emma grinned at her.

“Do I smell coffee?”

Emma’s smile widened with pride. “You do. Right next to you.”

Regina finally lifted her head up to look at the mug on her bedside table, and she sighed happily as she flopped back down. “Have I told you that I’m in love with you?”

“Once or twice. But in case you were wondering, it never gets old.”

Chuckling, Regina finally sat up and took the mug in her hands. As she did, she winced slightly and groaned. “Don’t drink too much of yours. You have a lot of milk waiting for you.”

Emma lifted up Regina’s phone. “Everyone was blowing us up last night. They all made it home okay.”

“Did you text them back?” Regina asked as she sipped her coffee.

“Not yet. I got distracted. What’s this?” she showed Regina the screen of her message with Ruby, and a smile broke out on Regina’s face.

“Why don’t you open it and find out?” she said as she danced her eyebrows up and down.

Emma gave her a sideways look, and grinned at her before opening the video and pressing play.

What appeared on the screen had her entranced immediately. She was looking at herself sitting on the ground in the living room, dressed in one of her denim skirts that Regina had bought her, hair brought back in a messy ponytail. She had a crayon in her hand, and was coloring a page of one of the books that she knew Regina had bought for her regressed side; the one who everyone had started to dub Baby Emma.

She had no memory of this moment. She didn’t remember wearing that skirt with her hair pulled back, hadn’t colored in those books yet, even though she knew that Baby Emma had done so every chance she got. The way she was holding the crayon in this video was not any way she would ever color; it was clasped in her fist, her index finger poking out, her motor functions rough and unpracticed as she scribbled on the page.

And then she started to talk…

This body that she recognized as herself used a voice that didn’t sound like hers at all. She could barely pronounce her r’s, had a hard time wrapping her tongue around consonants that followed vowels, and the pitch was high and piercing like a child’s. Even when Little, Emma never used baby talk. But she could tell that in this video, she was trying to speak properly, but wasn’t succeeding.

“Mama, you can hab this picher.” She dropped the crayon and held the book up for the camera to see. The book was about to fall to pieces with how clumsily she was handling it, and the once neat white page with black outlines of Disney characters was now a scribbled mess of colors.

Behind the camera, Emma recognized Regina’s voice answer her. “I can?” The tone she used was feathery light, and Emma recognized it immediately. Mama. But not just Mama; this was Mama when she was her most happy, when she sounded like she wouldn’t trade Emma in for all the world, when it seemed like Emma _was_ her entire world.

“Uh huh.” The book was slammed back down on the ground and Baby Emma picked up a red crayon.

“Thank you, baby. I have so many beautiful pictures from you now.”

“Uh huh.” Emma had answered casually and unconcerned, busy coloring, her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth in concentration.

“What do you want to do today?”

“Mmm…play swing?” Baby Emma answered without looking up. Emma knew that sometimes Regina had taken Baby Emma down to the park outside of their apartments and let her play on the swings and jungle gym. Though Emma didn’t like the idea of being out in public when she was regressed, she figured that Baby Emma probably begged to go out and play all the time.

“We can play swing,” Regina answered, her tone making it clear that she thought that was a great idea.

Emma pointed down at a red scribbled blob on the picture. “Diss Auntie,” she announced.

Behind the camera, Regina chuckled quietly, and Emma heard her mumble “Crayon head,” under her breath. “You wanna finish coloring first and then we’ll go?”

“Uh huh.”

“Emma, look at Mama.”

Baby Emma looked up, her mouth gaping slightly as she waited to hear what her mama was going to say. Emma nearly gasped at the eyes she saw there in the video. They were hers, but weren’t. If she were asked to explain it, she wouldn’t be able to find the words. They were green like hers, but held none of the haunts that Emma saw when she looked at herself in the mirror. None of the cares of stupid things like trash day or car registration, but also none of the bigger things like sitting in a diner all day to avoid going back to her latest terrible foster family, or finding clever ways to change the subject with her best friends at school so she didn’t scare them off with her truths, or having to hide in a dark, tight suitcase, hoping to not, and then later praying to be found.

Those eyes, her eyes, looking up with innocence and hope, prompted Regina to giggle behind the camera. “Hi sweet girl. I love you,” she announced, and Emma could actually hear the love in her voice as she said it.

Instead of answering with words, Baby Emma dropped everything in her hands and leaped towards Regina. Emma heard Regina give a loud “oof!”, and the camera shook in every direction as she was tackled. Both burst out in a fit of giggles until the camera finally steadied, revealing Regina smiling down at Emma in the corner of the frame. The camera continued to shake, the two of them still laughing, as the video came to an end.

It was quiet for a long time, Emma still holding the phone in front of her, unmoving. It took her a moment to realize that her breath was frozen in her chest, and when she slowly let it out, she felt it shake. Fingers tangled into her hair and brush through the locks, and she closed her eyes against the touch, feeling the stinging pressure in them get just a little relief.

“You okay?” Emma heard Regina ask in a soft whisper, her voice turned up at the end. She kept combing through Emma’s hair, and Emma leaned into the comfort.

She nodded in response, but couldn’t seem to find words worth pushing past the lump in her throat. Up until that moment, the idea of Baby Emma was an abstraction that in no way had cemented into what she would consider reality. She knew of Baby Emma’s existence, but she had simply been an inconvenient fact that Emma needed to find a way to cope with, a problem that she wished would go away, and hoped she could fix.

But after seeing what she saw…

“She looks…happy,” she found herself saying. “ _I_ look happy.”

Regina gave a surprised laugh next to her as she continued to pet Emma’s hair. “You do,” she confirmed, as if it should have been obvious.

“And you…” Emma finally looked up to meet Regina’s eyes. For the first time in so long, she felt anxious to look in them. Not because it was difficult to talk to Regina about this, or because there were any secrets between them, but because she was afraid that simply looking at Regina would cause her to fall to pieces right then and there. But she didn’t. She just looked at her in awe, hoping that the next words out of her mouth were true, were just as obvious as Regina made it sound. “ _You_ look happy.”

At that, Regina laughed again, the look on her face making it clear that she thought Emma’s statement was one of her silly ramblings. “I _am_ happy,” she said through her laughter. She stopped running her hand through Emma’s hair, and stilled it to caress Emma’s cheek with her thumb. She held her face there, and looked at Emma so intently that it stopped Emma’s breathing again. She pulled Emma in closer to her, and their foreheads touched. “I love you. All of you. When you regress, when you’re Little, and right now. Always.”

Emma finally released the breath threatening to shake out the tears. She cupped Regina’s cheek with her own hand, and pressed their lips together. Emma could feel the passion and caring that Regina had waiting for her in that kiss, deep and almost bruising, because she was giving out the same. “I’m happy too,” she said as they pulled away. And she was. Everything that had ever happened to her felt like it was all part of bringing her to this place in her life. And she knew then that she would do it all over again, all of it, if it meant that she’d end up with Regina by her side.

THE END

CHAPTER ONE OF THE SEQUEL TO A LITTLE SOMETHING NEW WILL BE RELEASED OCTOBER 13th 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what can I say? It has been an absolute pleasure to share this story with you. It is always surreal when as a wordsmith, I have to admit I am a little short on words. I started this story about a year ago from this day, just messing around with a couple of concepts. I wrote the first chapter, and left it at that for months. I had a few other scenes that would have been considered “one shots”, but there was something lacking. It was the dynamic you find here, that was so near and dear to my heart. And despite my thirst for more content like it and finding little to none, I wasn’t prepared to post anything about age play. Ever. I thought at worst I’d get uneducated, hurtful comments and at best I’d get a reader or two, neither of which would have inspired me to take this story where it inevitably went. 
> 
> But my god, you proved me wrong. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I am absolutely floored by the level of response ALSN has gotten. It’s honestly been so inspiring, and so fulfilling. Reading is romantic, but anybody who tells you that writing is romantic isn’t a writer: it’s grueling work, and more analytical than most give it credit for. But quite honestly, the reason we do it is because it is in our bones. Writers aren’t okay, feel an emptiness in our souls, unless we are telling stories. And stories untold are better than stories told and no one is listening. But you listened. You read. And that isn’t just romantic, it’s absolutely magical. The fact that my story is in your heart is…well, that’s where this wordsmith is out of words.
> 
> Thank you is all I’ve got. Thank you. I can’t count the amount of times a reader has contacted me and told me I’ve given them hope, I’ve helped them understand themselves, I’ve shined light on a concepts. None of those were anything I set out to do. I just set out to write a story. The fact that I touched you deeper than just being mildly entertaining? My god…I just…yeah, speechless doesn’t begin to illustrate how surreal that is for me.
> 
> So they'll be back. Emma, Regina, Zelena, Ruby, ALL of them. I've got to take a break. Reset my brain. Maybe watch that goddamned Netflix disc that's been sitting on my shelf for 2 months now...
> 
> ...who still gets actual discs from Netflix anymore? Me, that's who! 
> 
> Okay, now I'm just delirious. I loves all yous guys. See you in October!


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